The Dumbest People First Responders Had To Deal With (1 Hour Reddit Compilation)

lawyers police offered it what is the worst way you've seen someone incriminating herself when they were actually innocent a woman came into the shop where I was working and tried to pay with a fake 10 euros note the cashier noticed straight away and told her that he'd have to keep the note and that it couldn't be accepted as payment she became really indignant and said that she had received the note in her change from our shop the day before she insisted that since we had allegedly given her the note we had to accept it as payment eventually the police were called an officer arrived and we explained the situation we were all annoyed that this woman was making such a big deal about it the officer asked her if she had known the money was fake before she tried to pay for things with it but she said she knew I didn't steal her jacket I was only holding it so I can't hit her better maybe not robbery but definitely assault I did no heater I did Mart here's a tip whatever you do don't be a sarcastic smartass they will take it as a confession my cousin was at his older brother's College party and it goes so rowdy that the police came to break it up the music is off and they've rounded everyone up and the cop asks ok who here has been drinking underage he raises his hand without hesitation he was the only one I know a guy that went to a party to find his friend he was 21 and everyone there was 20 or younger so just as he's searching for his friend the cops rolled up they tried to get him with like 40 counts of furnishing alcohol to minors he fought the charges and won the judge even made the officer responsible apologize Hanna I'm a law student and a professor told us today about her worst one from when she worked as a public defender apparently a convicted felon was riding his motorcycle when he saw cop issuing a traffic ticket to someone else on the side of the road he pulled over his motorcycle walked up to the cop and said excuse me officer I'm a convicted felon and have aged in my pocket as his public defender she asked him why the heck II would ever do that his answer well he was gonna catch me eventually maybe he wasn't referring to that cific caught when he said he was gonna catch me eventually maybe he's an intuitive addict that realized there was no getting away with a life of crime maybe it's mabeline I dunno officer I don't sell drugs I do drugs unless you want to buy some drugs saw a guy arrested for possession of marijuana and I think some oxycodone or something at first appearance the judge reads everyone the usual spiel about how first appearance isn't the time to litigate your case and to not talk about the facts he gets to this guy and explains what he's been arrested for and the guy says marijuana nah I ain't had that I just had them pills get dispatched to a domestic violence call female said her husband punched her in the face and the ribs female has multiple scrapes and marks on her face and ribs my partner asks if he hit his wife and he says yes partner asks him why he punched her in the face and ribs meaning what led to the physical violence a guy says well I was punching her in the face but then she covered her face so I had to work the body so she would drop her hands then I went right back to the face he explained this as he minds a Mike Tyson asked bob-and-weave greatest confession ever bug this is what happens when you combine good logic and a bad person not innocent but stupid nonetheless we were all drinking in a hotel room one time and got a little too loud almost everyone was over 21 but one of our friends was still only 20 a cop showed up to give a noise complaint and asked how old we were everyone said 21 or 22 except our friend who said 16 so the cop looked at him real strange and said he needed to check is it he looked at it for a second and said this says you're 20 he replies I know sir I thought I would get in less trouble if I was under 17 the cop tells him you're real stupid boy you know that and told us to quiet down my law professor had a client who was an accused drug dealer he paid his bail and dirt stains small bills his wife brought to the courthouse in for plastic shopping bags never did find out if they admitted to evidence oh I have another story this one is my own so I got this call stating a security guard caught two people having sex in a car in a supermarket parking lot I get there and find two cars parked next to one another in a semi secluded space one matching the description I was given I roll up behind it with my lights all on and spotlights on them I figured it would be an easy you're both dumb go home type of call no as I walk up to the car the guy is stumbling out of the passenger side pulling his pants up I see him start to dig into a backpack in the seat that's a big no-no so I start shouting at him to show me his hands he doesn't listen so I shout louder he jumps and then I hear clink at this point I'm thinking or frake I look at his feet and there lays a crack pipe the guy and girl were obviously not there for just sex I ended up finding insane amounts of cash and a variety of drugs and paraphernalia the guy would have just gone home if he wasn't a jittery moron he got the girl charge much higher than himself in the end since it was her car all the crap was in and I thought it would be an easy day my friend was speeding and saw a cop turn around for him so he went faster to try and get to an exit to get away ended up getting pulled over by another cop the cop asked him what he was doing in such a hurry and he said trying to get away from another cop yeah he got a ticket dunno if this counts but when I was training as a PPO my trainer told me about a guy that ran for no reason once a Hispanic male was pulled over he had no license or any proper documentation it's so common here that men in officers just ride tickets and avoid deportation anyway when asked for his license the guy freaked out he waited for his chance and then took off on foot that prompted a whole chase that eventually included k9 the officers didn't know why he ran and it's generally safe to assume someone who runs is dangerous so k9 gets in there and he does something to pee the dog off the dog chews off his calf muscle when asked why he ran the guy just said he was scared I don't know if he was charged I doubt it though it was a crappy situation not a cop or a lawyer but a security guard there these two people on the property I was overseeing not illegal and they cooperated when I asked for it - no - was on the property after hours when I went back to my booth and they then proceeded to slash the tires and break the windows on my patrol car all the while saying I can't arrest then because I am NOT a real cop I guess they forgot I had their names Ed numbers license plate number and faces documented and on camera they were error stood eight hours later sweet sweet justice I've heard about the old DUI gotcha when the response to recite the alphabet backwards as I couldn't even do that if I were sober but I don't know if that's just an urban legend or not it sounds like something one might reasonably say in response though it's legit though I have never done it in my life I can't do it sober or otherwise I mean I don't even know if that guy got it right none of these stories are about innocent people I've noticed I'm still having fun though about a year ago my friend had come out to the club with us he was underage but had one beer on the way back home he was driving his girlfriend in the passenger's seat and her older brother was in the backseat both of the passengers were drunk especially the brother he started punching him in the back of the head while he was driving trying to be funny so my friend swerved the car quickly left and right as to jiggle the car I guess not swerve lanes to make the brother stop I guess he didn't see the cop car behind him and got pulled over the cop must have smelled the beer on him and ended up conducting the regular sobriety tests I think he ended up failing the preliminary breathalyzer so they arrested him in jail they gave him the actual chemical test turns out in court that the test resulted in a point zero zero BAC level so he would have gotten off no questions asked but he says that while he was talking to one of the officers in jail they were acting all friendly and asked him you didn't drink at all not even only beer and he replied saying well yeah just one beer statement was brought up in court and bam he was found guilty this was his second offense having to do with underage drinking so he got his license suspended for six or nine months not sure and had to do community service so yeah don't fall into a corpse trap I'm gonna break these cuffs I'm gonna break these cuffs like I used to do computer work for a police station and one day when I was working on a PC a cop was at another computer listening to his recording of an interview of a person and writing up a report this person had crashed into a parked car was able to drive a bit farther but had to abandon their car and walked home the police went to the owner's home early the next morning and interviewed her I heard this police okay so you hid the car and came right home did you stop anywhere first suspect no I came straight home police did you have anything to drink when you got home suspect number police nothing at all suspect number police so you didn't drink any alcoholic beverages between the time of the accident and when we arrived at your home at this point I said to the officer listening to the recording say yes the officer said she is not very smart suspect no nothing at all police so why did the breath test show a point one one suspect I have no idea as a firefighter we once rolled up to a car accident where this kid about 17 years old had run into the concrete pillar under a highway overpass car was totally wrecked kids arm was broken in three or four places and was bleeding pretty bad the first thing he said to me when I got up to his driver's side window the car is not stolen there is no reason to call the cops normally people say stuff like I'm hurt bad or get me out of here but not this guy he just kept repeating the car is not stolen over and over we called the cops my brother didn't exactly incriminate himself Billy Shaw made himself unpopular he was digging on a party boat when they got raided as the police were boarding their boat and he claims he didn't do it intentionally having only noticed the police after the record was spinning he played out K Rs 1 sound of the police and of course a fair number of the partygoers were joining in with the whoop-whoop but the police were not amused taking it to be a deliberate attempt at humor at their expense record got taken off my brother got an earful your brother is a hero accidental or otherwise there was the case years ago where a man had been accused from breaking into vending machines and parking meters the constantly denied the charges than had his bail paid in coin hey man he was just a simple coin collector lawyer since the accident have you done anything else to alleviate the pain plaintiff witness I smoked weed every day this was during a deposition and was not admitted before the jury because it was scandalous and impertinent my sort-of stepdad failed a roadside sobriety test he was taken to the County Jail where he registered zero point zero BAC because he hadn't been drinking I watched this happen his lack of coordination is legendary I was once pulled over in a crappy neighborhood being off a race that was not endemic to the area the police asked to search my car I stupidly I was young and foolish get off my notes said yes and then jokingly added remember though this is my mom's car so any crack is hers second search k9 search and intimidating personal search all turn up nothing I learned never to speak to the police and all it cost me was a little dignity and a few constitutional rights saying you have C is probable cause for search to be fair the police go to comedy clubs for jokes they don't pull you over for a laugh wrote a book called if I did it I'm a criminal defense attorney and this happens much more often than you think and every time it happens it is the worst time that is if you care about justice to be sure it happens in the interrogation room but more often it is part of plea negotiations whenever there are core defendants you may find yourself with a prosecutor who just needs one or some of them to take the weight sometimes the discovery tells you who the heavy is but a lot of times it's up for the co-defendants to decide if Aaron's death has toured this country anything it should be that sentencing guidelines and prosecutorial discretion put defendants in impossible situations that led to desperate decisions this was not only true with Aaron but also hundreds of thousands of mostly poor uneducated people every day so I have seen sons take a hit for their mothers girlfriends for boyfriends and every other possible permutation many times these people are not squeaky-clean themselves but they are also not guilty of the crimes they plead to that's why you don't say anything until your lawyer tells you what to say I am a traffic cop in the UK and we were filming for one of these road Wars police interceptors traffic cops TV shows as a prett of the show they asked us to do some filming of pulling people over and doing routine stops so we decide that the next car to go through the set of lights we are currently it will get pulled over and will record what we do as part of a routine traffic stop so this guy goes through in a normal manner and we follow behind pull him over in a safe location and we all pile out of the car I'm walking over to the driver side and about to explain to the guy that we're filming for this show and they just want to see what happens during a routine stop check he rolls down the window and immediately before I could even say a word blurts it's in the glove box with a puzzled look on my face I asked him what's in the glove box the drugs comes the reply so I detain him cuff him and put him in the back of the traffic car and my colleague and I search the glove box and find a substantial amount of age when asked back at the station why he admitted the offence he said he saw the two police cars one was a backup car and all the Yellowjackets of the camera crew and thought the game was up if only he knew technically he was actually innocent because he hadn't committed an obvious crime up until that point in traffic court guy stands up judge says your officer isn't here how do you plead guy starts explaining things about to go into self-incrimination judge interrupts him and points out again that the officer isn't here someone next to the guy pipes up with plead innocent you moron he then proceeded to plead innocent and was a lesson to everyone else in court that day whose officer hadn't shown up one of my friends had had a couple beers and was driving back home a cop was pulled over on the side of the road ahead of him with its cherries flashing my friend pulled up and over right in front of the cop the cop came up to see if he needed help smelled beer on him and gave him a DUI he wasn't innocent by any means but he wouldn't have been pulled over if he would have just drove on by and I know drinking and driving is bad I don't need to hear the lecture it's just the only story I could think of so I figured I'd share excuse Emme so I don't know how you can associate with such a flagrant abuse or eval country's laws a friend of my sister's had already been ticketed twice by her college police for underage drinking but her parents told her if she got ticketed again they'd pull her out of school so when the cops called her and her friends over one Friday night she got the bright idea to flee the cops caught her and cuffed her so she ran again this time managing to hide in the bushes and wriggle her way out of the cuffs as she stumbles home the next day the cops knock on her dorm room door they ask for her by name so she pretends to be her roommate the cops give her a business card and tell her it's very important she contacts em ASAP she flees her dorm room and spends the next couple days hiding in friend's dorm rooms including my sisters for a few hours she gets phone calls from friends of hers apparently the police are P and canvassing the campus for her they found her photo at a sorority house so they know she lied to them one of her sorority sisters finally convinces her to turn herself in she gets charged with a long list of crimes including several felony charges her parents decided to leave her in jail for the weekend instead of paying her bail once she gets out she spent several hours combing the bushes where she'd hidden to find the handcuffs since one of the charges was theft of police property why is this story relevance to this thread because of the cop that caught her and her friends that night forgot his brief elasaur and let the entire group off with a lecture emergency personnel offered it what's the dumbest situation you've been dispatched to not quite in the same vein but I worked at a vet clinic that received a report from the local overnight emergency vet for a dog the owners thought was having a seizure in the middle of the night if the dog was diagnosed with dreaming that's adorable is crap report of a woman drowned in shallow water off the South Shore of Long Island it was a semi deflated blow-up doll a tragic loss indeed briefly shadow the small town fire department lady called in that some dude was impaled by a branch while pruning trees rushed over there it was all makeup they were shooting a film all the neighbors had been notified but she forgot apparently got called for a child whose grandfather and legal guardian was actively abusing her note said screaming and crying was heard in the background as well as don't hit me again and he's trying to kill me turns or a 12 year old girl had snuck to go see her 20 years old boyfriend and came back drunk and stoned reeking of weed and when her grandfather tried to punish her by taking her phone and grounding her she grabbed a knife and tried to stab him in the process of disarming her he pushed her backwards and into a table knocking a lamp over it was at that point she grabbed a phone and barricaded herself in a room and called 9-1-1 I'm not the emergency personnel in this situation but I called 911 found my neighbor an elderly lady lying on the ground outside she was slurring unable to get up and generally dizzy looking I thought she had a stroke they got there and were talking to her for a few minutes before telling me that she was just drunk calling was smart if a diabetic blood sugar gets too low their symptoms mimic being drunk during one of my 24 hours ambulance shifts for EMT Basic training we got a call to her Big Lots for a laceration on a finger it was essentially a paper cut from a rough edge of a chipped candle I got to practice my mt skills by applying direct pressure to a non bleeding index finger even got to put a bandaid on it the girl was acting like she could not look at her finger and was going to pass out from all the blood the gold strip I held on her finger didn't even have a spot don't worry she sued I got called for a woman experiencing stomach pain which she calmly claimed was a 10 stroke 10 it must have been quite the trooper since her husband drove half thirty minutes across the county past the hospital and to urgent care centers to let her mom look at it before calling the wee-woo for someone who had been having unprotected intercourse for seven months she sure was confident she wasn't pregnant the nurse who had to explain to her the way these things work was right on the corner of amused and annoyed it's not your typical emergency personnel but I work for a commuter railroad and I get called out to inspect the equipment when there are pedestrian vehicle strikes there was a couple making out on the tracks and saw the train coming and decided to play chicken to see who would bail first the girl lost both the game and a leg her mother called 911 spilled a bottle of Tide soap and was walking in it she even called poison control before she called 9-1-1 and poison control told her there would be no side effects the only advantage was the whole house smelled like lavender twenty-something year old guy called 9-1-1 he bought new shoes a few days before they were too tight his feet hurt he was still wearing them when we got there but I successfully extricated him dispatched to a child with seizures who had a history of epilepsy got on scene and the kid was coming out of his seizure and was post ID for package the kid up to transport to the hospital and his mother is screaming at me that he must have his peanut butter balls not sure what she meant I asked her what she was referring to his peanut butter balls he has to have em I have them in a jar here take these peanut butter balls to the hospital she hands me a small pill container I look at a label and read that it is phenobarbital a common anti-seizure medication I asked the mom if this is what she meant by peanut butter balls apparently she never read the pill bottle label and misheard the doctor pronouncing phenobarbital as peanut butter balls guy moved out into the country his 1/2 acre lot was surrounded on three sides by farm fields come harvest time he calls 9-1-1 and blocks the farmers access to their field with his vehicle wants me to force the farmers to stop harvesting because when he leaves all of his windows open the inside of his house becomes dusty dispatched for a very strange gas like smell in the backyard we got there and walked around with our sensors all levels were normal well miss everything is normal what's that smell then she asks all we smell is some mulch she exclaims is that what that smell is they just had mulch put in behind us yesterday how long is that smell going to be around are we going to have to keep our windows closed for that long lady with Alzheimer's called 9-1-1 for spider in her kitchen we described it as someone in her kitchen as if that isn't silly enough the spider didn't even end up being a spider it was a dead fly on her windowsill she needed a bird to catch the spider to catch the fly firefighter at nine one one dispatcher here once as a dispatcher took a call for suspicious activity what was suspicious there was a bicycle in the front yard of her neighbor's home she told me I've never seen a bike there before and it just seems weird we didn't even bother to dispatch that one as a firefighter once during a huge rainstorm we were dispatched for a vehicle in the water this intelligent gentleman has decided to try to Ford a river that was several foot high in his small Toyota car with his girlfriend in the vehicle he drove into the water and predictable got stuck he immediately jumped out and swam to shore leaving her standing in the trunk with the vehicle stuck at an angle avoid in the water as we got his girlfriend out he tried to pass it off as her fault she slapped him and none of us said a word about it another time we were called to a police assist when we arrived on scene the officer directs us to the guy in the back of his cruiser the guy shows us his finger and says it hurts the finger is covered in a paper towel held on the finger by a rubber band when he removes the rubber band we see that the top 2/3 of his finger has been amputated and has been unattached for a couple days he had just been walking around with his amputated finger held on to his bloody finger stump for a couple days and just decided when he was being arrested that that was the time to deal with it my sister was a dispatcher and she would tell me all sorts of dumb calls she got one time my sister got a call from a woman reporting that a man robbed her during her HDO apparently her dealer ran off with the money and gave her some random substance that doesn't get you high but it looks like H the woman was being serious and acting like she was getting unfair treatment from a legitimate legal business the woman is a sheltered middle-class woman from the suburbs she was genuinely surprised that anyone would have the audacity to act that way in that kind of situation she wanted that man arrested and wished to sue him according to my sister she had the I demand to speak to the manager attitude over the phone the whole time paged at 3:00 a.m. for an ill person so I'm already tired and being sent to something vague isn't what I want arrived on scene and walked to the front door middle-aged guy opens the door and looks absolutely terrified he rushes us in and we ask what's going on he replies I have the hiccups partner and I are exhausted from a rough 24 hour shift and we are incredibly confused we ask him to clarify and he explains that in his 40 odd years of life he's never had a case of the hiccups and is absolutely positive his life is in danger we do our assessment and then explain that it's normal and really doesn't require the air much less us he demands that we take him to the ER so we oblige when I called in the report the hospital asked me to repeat the chief complaint three times we were kicked to trade the second we walked in by some very annoyed nurses luckily they understand that we cannot refuse transport if the patient as a complaint and wants to go dude was absolutely fine paramedic here dispatched to a man with a groin injury arriving on scene I found a 30 year old man doubled over in pain and bleeding quite heavily from his crotch area long story short he wanted to see what happened if he put peanut butter on the tip of his dong and let his rot wheeler lick it off I think he was partaking in some sort of self pleasuring thing and wanted the dog to give him a form of oral I controlled the bleeding the best I could and God is asked to the hospital he underwent micro surgery to try to save his mangled dong but I understand that it was unsuccessful also the part of his dong that was eating by his peanut butter loving dog was resting comfortably in his dog's digestive tract can't make this stuff up not sure if it was chunky or smooth peanut butter which was the first question my chief asked me upon returning to headquarters got dispatched to a nursing home for a guy who was pulseless arrived on scene to find the nursing home staff doing CPR on a guy who had been dead for at least six hours before they found him they couldn't understand why we called it after hooking him up to a monitor and finding he was asystole who then didn't understand why we weren't gonna transport him to the hospital dumb big tragic situation courtesy my EMT best friend things learned from a patient with CCS spider bite on my ass one if normal anal play just isn't doing it for you anymore the obvious solution to this problem is to order a fancy exotic tarantula from a fancy exotic tarantula seller and then proceeded to somehow coax and/or shaft said arachnid into your rectum a more accurate cc would have been spider bite in my arse - spiders become very upset when this happens and they will bite you multiple times before expiring lost somewhere in your lower bowel no MS will not look for it for you the pay grade isn't nearly high enough some things are best left to physicians three while it is helpful to know the exact species of said spider you've shoved up your ass because Yolo this information is not very useful when you've waited three days after being bitten to call her boo-boo bus for yes that anal discharge is not normal yes it is probably related to being bitten by the spider geez no it will not go away on its own no there is not something you can put on it but thanks for noticing the for external use only instructions on the bug bite cream a guy ended up losing everything up to the transverse colon not sure exactly what he was going for sadly all of this might have been a little easier to understand if he had irradiated the spider first poopin a bagman is not nearly as catchy as spider-man so he'll shove a spider up his ass but external use only bug cream is where he draws the line responded to a residence for uncontrolled him aa hedge possibly to a dangerous part of the body sir My partner and I roll the medic unit rolls the volunteer fire depth rolls sir we have nine people respond hot to this house stroll in and see a kid sitting on the couch holding a Kleenex to his hand he cut his finger on a soup can it was what I would describe as a very aggressive paper cut the kicker they were literally across the street from the hospital apparently the kids uncle had a track record of abusing the system a lot another one we got a call for a psych patient acting erratic and talking to herself turns out she was perfectly fine just chatting to someone on a Bluetooth headset not a paramedic but work in health care and they trained us in emergency care at university guy told us on a training day that they were dispatched to a house after a woman called in hysterics claiming her baby had been assaulted turned out her pet dog was mating with a neighbor's dog in the back garden and she got upset when she saw it 45 year old male locked inside car called 9-1-1 buddy responded to tell him to unlock it then try the handle another life saved my ride-along during EMT school had to have a certain number of hours spent working with a rescue squad on a slow night our third call was over shooting that at the time had the victim in critical condition we responded and come to find out the victim put on a bulletproof vest and told his GF to shoot him well she did and the vest completely poor guy died later at the hospital no alcohol involved Iver kid got his head stuck in a fence then he got stung by a bee everyone present that day including the kid found out he was allergic to bee stings so then they had to resuscitate him good times a man on PCP who broke into an apartment stole a pair of women's panties changed into them was discovered and chased away by the woman's boyfriend and we found him running around the neighboring abandoned lot wearing nothing but said panties dispatched to illness for a 90 some odd year old woman she stated that she had eaten two bites off leftovers and then realized they were leftovers and wanted us to induce vomiting we are a BLS unit we don't do that which we explained and her piaf daughter freaks out and his yelling of the mother about how she made the EMTs come all the way out here and now she is going to go with us to the hospital to get her stomach pumped at the hospital we stopped her right there adn explained that the hospital isn't going to preform a painful and unnecessary procedure over eating leftovers it ended up being a refusal and we didn't take her to the hospital also in my city units were dispatched to reports of her body in a dumpster in the wee hours of the morning upon arrival they discovered that the body was actually a Justin Bieber standee Weldon just stand there resuscitate the Justin Bieber cut out 9-1-1 call for a four yo who had a nightmare unconscious child arrived on scene to find a kid laying down on the floor in a store no history full day of school was running around the store being a brat when he was reprimanded promptly fell out definitely responsive to pain pupils are good so our loudly announced we're going to have to stick him with needles and draw some blood give him fluids patient regained consciousness and tried to run away unconscious diabetic get on scene and there's a woman laying on the couch with sugar sprinkled on her the woman's son knew it was a problem with low sugar and figured he'd try to help it would have been super cute except the kid was 16 please everyone educate those around you if you have chronic health that can become emergencies one patient that wasn't mine but came in on another unit while we were waiting for tridge 17 yo male couldn't get it up with his girlfriend insisted that nothing like that could ever happen so something must be wrong they call 9-1-1 get transported make it to Trish and get promptly sent out to the lobby the nurse as they are walking away says to us someone needs to show that girl how to use her mouth my husband was a cop he got called out to an active domestic one night about 2:00 in the morning gets on scene guy comes out and says his girlfriend assaulted him with a weapon turns out she threw a hot pocket at him the most devastating of weapons simultaneously frozen hardened molten hot easy one got called for a woman who had a miscarriage on the toilet show up and it's not a miscarriage just a big nasty turd so I worked for Em's crew at a major university there's one event that happens every spring where the undergrads get absolutely wasted I've never consumed more alcohol in a 24-hour period and as a student during one of these spring flings we got dispatched for a naked drunk kid which wasn't done by itself no what was done with that by the time we arrived the kid had run off then we head back to base and every 20 minutes or so we get that call for the same kid in a different location this goes on for a few hours and if you plot the locations we were called to you could see him inching towards campus we finally found him passed out in the freshman dorms you made it home for a my dad is a firefighter he has a regular who calls 911 get stuck on the toilet no they didn't fall in or get their intestines ripped out by flushing they are so large that they lose feeling in their legs that they cannot get off of the toilet he knows the guy by name now and my dad says he is a pretty nice guy he just needs to not sit on the toilet for so long sent to a lady whose two-year-old kid had licked a baby wipe like touched it to his tongue then he made a face and went on with his two year olds day best part was that mum was a nurse and thought it might have burnt his lungs ridiculous several years ago when I was a paramedic for a volunteer fire department we were dispatched for a possible heart attack arriving upon the scene we grabbed all of our equipment and started to run towards the house we were stopped by the houses owner who was screaming she dead she no move and pointed towards his car he had called 911 cause battery was dead responded to a medical alarm that says Life Alert activation with the patient not responding to the dispatchers questions turns out it was an old lady who wanted someone to fix a TV you're goddamn right we fixed it redditors what's the stupidest thing you've said to a police officer I was a scared 16 y/o kid I went the wrong way down a one-way street saw that the road became a two-way just a block ahead by the time I realized it was a one-way st. so I kept going instead of trying to turn her around illegally cop was at the intersection I went through pulled me over scared the crap out of me yelling at me about the red light I ran the stupidest thing I tried to say to a cop was that I was going the wrong way down a one-way he told me to shut up when I started talking and came back with a very big ticket I thought it through and went and took pictures of the intersection see what I was ticketed for was running a red light there are no red lights the wrong way down a one-way street think about it that would be crazy so I went to court to contest my ticket I wore a suit was respectful and when the judge asked almost sarcastically while looking at my particular info sir you're going to tell me you didn't do it or something how I told him actually sir yes because it's impossible to run a red light that isn't there that got his interest and he made eye contact he sat up a little bit and asked what I meant I told him about there not being a red light the wrong way down a one-way street I asked if I could present the picture which the bailiff brought up he laughed while looking at them which included the street corners and enough surroundings to prove it was in fact the cross streets mentioned I told the judge that I was apologizing to the officer and trying to tell him about the wrong way down a one-way but got told to shut up and wasn't able to explain the judge laughed again and said well he would have cited you for the right thing if he had just listened but I can't cite you clearly you didn't run a red light and he dismissed it I only had to pay the court filing fee of 25 bucks yeehaw I haven't been pulled over in years you got a ticket this morning I didn't think that would be in the system so soon makes me sniff oh joy doesn't smell like any weed I've ever smoked may I scratch my nose on mr. Smith s shoulder I was handcuffed my nose itched like heck I was allowed to blow me so I was delivering booze to a friend's place as he was having a drunken party and I thought tied to be nice anyway his buddy spills a half a tumbler of scotch down my shirt I had to get to work so I take off and hit one of those drinking and driving stops of course the cop is like Hugh and how much have you had to drink me nothing my friend spilt scotch on me cop a hug Emmy fine blow me you'll find the truth cop excuse me me thinking and this is how I go to jail me Oh nononono I mean blow me the thing the straw you blow into cop proceeds to laugh gives me a breath test and I blow 0.0 on with my day ha he asked was there a reason I was speeding I said yes he asked what was it I said I like speeding it was the 31st of December 1999 a friend and I thought we were so freaking slick we were standing by an ATM at the stroke of midnight we thought that the y2k virus was going to cause the ATMs to just start spitting money out right before midnight a police officer seeing us in our all-black Bob asked what we were doing when we told him he started laughing his butt off and told us he'd split the money three ways with us if it started shooting out sadly none of us made any extra money that night I was pulled over two weeks after passing my test the policeman asked me to wind down my window I did he then aggressively asked me what is it outside I didn't know what he was getting at so I replied cold he shook his head and said no duck now turn your freaking lights on I was driving over in an unfamiliar town and at about 3 a.m. I asked an officer if there were any good donut shops nearby did you really just ask me that but that Starbucks is closed and I need coffee oh my god as I realized the implication in the end we had a good laugh and he led me to an open coffee shop semi drunk me being escorted out of a bar by an officer at 21 well going to exercise my Second Amendment right and tell you to go freak yourself copper's he begins to cuff me Dumbo's that's the 3rd amendment my sober friend walking with us actually it's the First Amendment got caught having SX in my Jeep in a restaurant parking lot tailed officer but she's so hot officer responded that's not to valid excuse I was mashed waiting for a bus I wasn't making a scene I was just visibly wasted I could barely sit straight so while I'm sitting there kinda zoning out - cops approached me and asked me for it which I somehow managed to find and show them - then they started asking me what I was on to which I responded nothing I'm just really really drunk they keep pressing and yelling they were furious for some reason I guess because I was barely coherent when one of them gets in my face and screams what did you take - which I respond freakin ethanol a few years back my mate and I were walking down the street towards the bars in our town rural Australia we were drinking from a plastic bottle filled with vodka and juice which isn't legal here and the police drove past us I quickly threw the bottle in the bin but they saw us and pulled over they two officers one female one male were taking down our details and we were drunkenly trying to get out the fine I said we'll do anything to get out of this she replied on yet like what then I blurted out dance for you my mate and I then proceeded to do about 30 seconds of the choreography to Michael Jackson's Thriller on the street magnificently lit by their patrol car headlights it works no fine I was about six years old and I had been home from school for maybe an hour there was a knock at the door and I ran to go get it thinking my friends wanted to play I swung open the door to see a female police officer and I said nobody's home and slammed the door I realised my mistake and went in got my mom to answer the door turns out the officer had shown up to let us know that my dad had been killed by a drunk driver earlier that day turns out being embarrassed wasn't the only issue that day funk he told me to stop being a stupid drunk 16 year old TN to go home he was right was in my car at a park at night after it had closed with my girlfriend at the time cops roll up right after we had finished in the backseat as we were trespassing by being in the park at this time I get out of the car to talk to the officer and he grills me asking about my girlfriend he asks me is she decent and I'm thinking like yes she's pretty hot so I say yes office of n goes and opens the car door and sees her still naked in the car and goes no she's not get dressed he then gave us a warning and told us to leave stopped at a write program basically a roadblock checking for impaired driving I was just getting off a 12-hour shift anything to drink tonight yeah I had a bottle of coke uns and water q fifteen minutes of questioning never be a smartest to a cop crossing the border and asked what I was going to buy I said coke Americans are the best coke I am Canadian we no longer have vanilla cherry coke I know my rights he wasn't a cop that this is kind of in the same vein I was buying a gun and had to fill out the application on a touchscreen they had one of the questions was are you now have you ever been a fugitive from the law I looked up to the man selling the gun and after I read the question aloud I said who in their right mind would answer yes to that I thought it was funny but he looked at me coldly and said you are seriously jeopardizing your ability to purchase this weapon can I pet your horse to the mounted police officer at Mardi Gras 2014 after a night out me and a couple mates decided to walk home about five miles after a couple miles the alcohol started to wear off and we thought about getting a taxi of one came past we see something in the distance and being sure it was a taxi we waved it down and proceeded to try and get in it was an unmarked police car and we were given an absolute barking by the plain-clothed police officers inside it didn't help when one of my drunken friends tried to be a smartass and said prove it when I was 19 me and buddy's were all out on an all-out drinking bender we had a DD it's about 3:00 a.m. and Laurel slammed drunk cop pulls us over from going ten miles per hour over the speed limit cop walks up to car and immediately says I smell alcohol he asks everyone for their Ives I hand him mine to which he is quick to hand it back sir that is your debit card I immediately start laughing because I knew at that moment it was a guarantee I was going to the drunk tank for underage drinking I was right worst way to bribe a cop you know James hide the weed was in a field playing football soccer and thought it would be funny to shout this directed towards an alleyway as it turns out it's not that funny got arrested throwing party in my dorm room in college everyone in attendance was underage two cops knock on the door one male one female they end up being pretty nice and explained they got a noise complaint and we'll trust us to shut it down as they were about to leave I asked the lady cop aren't you going to Pat me down officer got a ticket to my brother-in-law who's a cop yet well I flicked your sister in the butt well once when I was little my mom got pulled over for running a red light the cop came over and asked her if she knew why she was being pulled over and she said no to which I replied you huh mom I told you you went through that light she was not happy kids say the darndest things got out of my car stormed back to his and said I'm late I actually ordered two cops to move their vehicles as they were blocking an entry to my site were I not on the job they'd probably have ignored me my favorite interaction with a cop that was just the normal routine was back when I was 21 or 22 I went out with friends for a tour of drinking on a Saturday started with a baseball game then walked around to a handful of bars so we spent about eight nine hours getting trashed this was the plan it was a good plan part of this plan was for friends to come pick me up at the end of the night because the people I was hanging out with had plans and I knew I was going to be too drunk even for drunk driving but bars closed downtown is empty nothing is open a 3:30 a.m. so I wander around waiting for my ride and I have to pee bad nowhere is open and no one is around so in my infinite inebriated wisdom I decide to just pee on the sidewalk next to the street not even five seconds into my pee there's a spotlight on me and a cop getting out of the car cop what in the heck do you think you're doing me peeing cop come on over here me I have to finish first cop waits surprisingly patiently I make race horse peeing look like a leaky faucet the cop then proceeds to tell me all the charges I could get for peeing in public and asks me what I was thinking I told him my master plan of getting drunk all night then waiting for a ride my friends were late public intoxication wasn't part of the plan neither was peeing by police spotlight he continued to tell me that I should be going to the drunk tank bla bla bla but he let me go i sat on the curb and he watched me smoke cigarettes until my friends came I was 18 and possibly hi long time ago can't remember and when he asked for license registration and insurance I gave him my health insurance card - he just looked at me and said what is this son I'm not your doctor never actually gave him my proof for car insurance my aunt had a terrible divorce when I was a kid the type of divorce where police came to the house one time 10 year old me asked a cop do you use the sirens if you have diarrhea he was a good sport and laaser little and said kid I am NOT classified to tell you that then he went so I would take it as a yes at a Halloween party in a third-story apartment outside smoking I see someone in a cop costume in the parking lot yell at him who the F would dress as a cop for Halloween dot he immediately broke up the party cop do you have any drugs me I wish bought a really nice wooden box of cigars wrapped in bubble wrap and duct tape and put in the trunk the box was a gift for a friend I do not smoke and I didn't want to risk some damage during the trip to his house well police makes me pull over officer asks me where I'm going he asks me to pop the trunk he opens it and finds the wrapped box which sort of looks like a bag of coke or H or whatever he obviously asks me what's inside the wrapping I say the truth cigars he doesn't trust my word so he asks me if he can unwrap it I say yes of course officer point is he can't manage till unwrap the thing I have the brilliant idea of taking my utility knife from the trunk to cut the wrapping and just get it over with - mind you said officer was bent over with his head inside the trunk still trying to unwrap the Gordian wrapping while another officer was standing behind me after having checked license and registration I say ah I found my knife while holding said open knife in my hand and pointing it towards the officer I'll just let you imagine the rest not me but my in-laws they were at a New Year's party and had had a couple of drinks my mother-in-law isn't much of a drinker so she had a couple of glasses of wine early and then switched to pop and stayed sober to drive they got stopped at a roadblock on the way home and when the cop asked if she'd been drinking tonight she replied only a couple of drinks earlier than I switched to coke around 9:00 the cop laughed and sent them on their way didn't happen to me but when I was in high school one of my classmates was pulled over for suspected DWI when he was asked to recite the alphabet he sang the entire alphabet song along with the ending next time won't you sing with me when I was about 15 years old a few of my friends and I were pulled over at around 3 a.m. way past curfew and we were all stunned out of our minds the only other girl and I were asked to sit on the tailgate to answer some questions the cop asks me why are you smiling at me this isn't funny I respond with I'm sorry officer I wasn't aware I was smiling when passing by two cops wrestling a troublemaker and forcing him in the back seat I asked if they by any chance could drive a certain route dropping me off at home guy kept driving over the corner of my grandfather's lawn he lived on the corner so the same truck would cut the corner by driving over a patch of grass my grandfather had enough of it so he got out a two-by-four slammed a bunch of nails in it and buried it in the torn-up patch of grass sure enough the same truck hits it one day blowing out not just one but two tires he's freaking mad he calls the cops officer shows up hears about what happened and tries to explain to my grandfather that well what the truck driver shouldn't be driving on the grass that putting the board with nails in there was dangerous and could have gotten someone hurt or killed at this point he is just trying to give my grandfather a warning my grandfather responds crap if I couldn't find the nails I was gonna put a bouncing betty a landmine in there the officer rubbed his brow as if and distinct pain and squeezed out the words you really shouldn't tell me that thankfully my uncle was there to stop my grandfather from repeating his Claymore making things any worse I made a pit stop for some food on highway 70 at like 10:00 p.m. back in 2014 when I got back on the road I forgot to turn my lights back on so obviously mr. police officer helped me out with that by turning on his own when he pulled me over he asked where I was headed I'm going to Colorado officer OH what takes you there Highway 70 sir then I accidentally handed him a bus pass instead of my license it's not a police officer that I once said this to a security guard who was searching our car don't worry I don't do drugs I am drugs admitting guilt when they ask do you know why they're here they oftentimes don't know why they're there they are just following up on a call with loose information based on what an outsider observed they don't know about the bodies I remember some years ago some friends and I was shooting a scene for a zombie movie we were miking and had stopped in this field a little of the road there were like five of us bloody standing at various points in the field and the rest conversing around the cars when a police car pulled up they asked what are you guys doing here q my friends saying I lost my cat they spent the next few minutes trying to help us search for the fake cat it was a whole thing you have been visited by the hamster of joy comment I like chicken to live a happy and full of joy like the joy hamster life if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 54,206

Rating: 4.8103266 out of 5

Keywords: first responders, responders, police, firefighter, dumbest 911 calls, dumbest 911 calls ever, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: 0bnoMer9iO4

Length: 53min 48sec (3228 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 22 2020