The Bizarre Lore of Team Fortress 2

Team Fortress has remained one of the most well-known and popular FPS series for decades at this point and during all this time a story has been built that somehow makes sense in the end so join me as I go over everything you need to know about this universe hi everybody I'm here on a rooftop you know I'm just in a chaotic mood pouring water and dropping Loose Change on pedestrians blinding Pilots with this magnifying glass and of course who can forget about cutting ropes that are lifting Grand pios up multiple stories for some reason so Team Fortress 2 TF2 whatever you want to call it surprisingly coherent Story the best way to describe it is as chaotic and you'll see that in about 30 seconds I would say so Team Fortress takes place on an alternate version of Earth with a few major differences a majority of gameplay occurs in New Mexico but before I'm actually able to explain why that is first we got to take a look at the centuries of History before any modern mercenaries fight each other let's start off between the 1500s to the 1800s many historical figures do about what they normally do but they get a little bit wackier with it most US presidents in this story your gas leaks and everyone else took a swig of the silly juice like to give an idea hats are a sign of wealth with a cast system in real world figures like William Prescott would shoot poor people to decrease the ratio of people Without Hats compared to some of the other stuff down the line this is nothing first up let's say hello to Shak spherically the strongest writer who's ever lived Not only was he a literary genius but he was also just a regular genius inventing the stage play the rocket jumper and America his downfall comes when he invents the multip story building but not stairs up to the to this point stairs never existed and they won't for a very long time so the only way folks would go up the stories was through rocket jumping which is the process of jumping as you shoot a rocket from a rocket launcher propelling yourself upwards this becomes about as ordinary as skateboarding where a lot of people know how to do it but it's really scary when you get into it so Tony Hawk will be the pioneer of Rocket jumping then a 200-year gap happens where everything's roughly the same but also not really the Revolutionary War for America the Boston Tea Party All That stuff happens in America but George Washington considers himself a failure for never being able to become invisible and military officer Benedict Arnold commits the crime of refusing to eat soup offered to him in 1788 a man named Nicholas Crowder is among the first people to leave Britain head to Australia part way though he changes his mind and moves to the South Pole then making a deal with a foreign Mafia and taking over both polls somehow gaining mythical Powers thus beginning the horrors of old Nick who unlike Santa abducts naughty children to make them cool weapons and has that he would eventually sell in a get-rich quick scheme so he's like a three out of 10 Santa then in 1822 a businessman for a company called Manco named zephia man loses his wife when she gives birth to triplets now the first two he names Redman and blue tar and they grow up to become stupid idiots who are dumb idiots they're they're they're dumb and stupid and their bmis are higher than their IQ dumb dumb dumb dumb Dum Dums now the third son is completely different hyper intelligent invented a new form of algebra and at this age he can already talk as the father plans to smother him to death an eagle swoops in and takes him his food this is a problem at the time now gray is actually going to survive this instance when dropped off to the eagle nest he kills the mother Eagle along with her babies before crawling back to civilization and using his intellect to grow an Empire 28 years will then pass and in 1850 Redmond and blue tar now working in Manco with zeph fariah convinces him to purchase a ton of land in New Mexico unfortunately on account of the brothers having as many brains SS's eye of eyelashes it turns out all of this land is going to end up being useless desert and nothing more than the gravel capital of the world and then all of a sudden zharah freaking dies and stuff he has unfinished business he's going to be stuck on Earth forever Heaven and Hell exist in this story by the way now Zep is a bit salty about spending his final years with all this useless desert space so on his will he gives his friend Barnabas hail the company of Manco he gives his assistant Elizabeth the company to watch over and he gives his two sons the useless land perfectly equally where the Bros are going to keep fighting over it for the rest of their lives and beginning what will be known as the gravel Wards so then they each hire mercenaries to fight over the land in definely the first batch of mercs includes a few folks like Nicola Tesla and this guy he he looks neat but most importantly Abraham Lincoln as the team pyro in 1857 Abraham Lincoln finally invents stairs and dies trying in the middle of Rocket jumping to his stairs in his lab in the Ford Theater where John wils Booth known for his Tower of hats also assassinates him wanting to get get the top hat in my opinion Lincoln's death is the third most embarrassing way to die right outside of forgetting to drink water and smoking this tragedy scares all Scholars enough to where they agree to never invent anything ever again instead opting to learn exclusively astrology Now by this time the son of Barnabas hail billius hail has taken his father's position and proceeds to beat the out of John wilk's Booth as he holds him down letting the public take turns shooting the criminal in a public execution this is also around the time where the most valuable resource is discovered something objectively more powerful than gold and oil combined australium named after the country it was founded in australium can easily change states of matter and is absurdly valuable by the start of the 20th century they already attained an advanced country by our standards and it's basically vibranium but instead of being given to a mostly peaceful and pretty cool bunch of people it's given to Australia good Lord everyone else is in danger now just by being exposed to the materials the Australians all get giant muscles Majestic facial hair and become obsessed with drinking and fighting this shit's laced with testosterone when the Australian will run out so will everyone's abilities so it's real important that that doesn't happen otherwise the Australians become squishy baby humans again but not really because like the the the Outback is scary dude and even though he's not alive until the mid 1900s Saxton hail is the exception even though he is Australian he doesn't lose his abilities maybe he fell into a pot of it as a baby maybe he worked so hard to give his abs abs he's a IM or maybe it's because he's saxed in freaking hell does it matter 1890 is when another era occurs red men and blue tar have been fighting for 40 years at this point with no progress on either side they both have agreed whoever dies first loses and as the brothers near old age blue tar gets the idea to Simply outlive red and hires rigan coniger to make him an immortality machine that runs on liquid australium capable of keeping him alive for seemingly until Australian runs out however Elizabeth still working for Manco for some reason hires rigan to give Redmond the same machine thus making the endless battle become super duper endless this means nothing the brothers are still at the same point in 1921 the staircase Saga finally comes to an end when American President Franklin D Roosevelt loses his legs in a rocket jump disaster and he gets so peeved how not wheelchair accessible America is he stumbles upon Abraham Lincoln's notes and finally invents the proper staircase in the 1930s through the mid1 1960s a lot is going to start happening now you might notice there's actually a number next to the the word Team Fortress this number is controversially known as a two in this case it implies that there is a second Team Fortress meaning that chances are there might just be another team Fortress Game that's what happens in the 1930s Team Fortress classic takes place during this time and guess what this means nothing nothing changes the war is the same but it happened it's around this time that Saxton will finally inherit Manco he makes hats and weapons and all this stuff the brothers use to fight quickly growing to become one of the richest men in America and hunting down all of those ahead of him in his free time he's going to get a girlfriend named Maggie and hunt down any powerful animals he can find thus making many species go extinct this creates a lifelong rivalry with his old teacher Charles Darlin the inventor of the zoo and the protector of all Wildlife who saves animals from Saxton's australianist in this period so much happens mercenaries swap out or die or retire and all of that the fight's going but there still is one more thing worth noting it's unknown what actually happens to Elizabeth but the mantle is given to her granddaughter Helen more commonly known as the administrator she's going to hire an assistant that goes by Miss Pauling and just like her grandma the administrator is pushing for perfect neutrality preventing either side from knowing that it's rigged from the start really prohibiting any sort of advancements and you can also tell because she's wearing purple and purple is between red and blue it's now 1967 and we are finally at TF2 good all TF2 the game that's been around for nearly two decades and hasn't been updated for half of it on one hand these characters have a lot of complexity and things going on in their lives but at the same time they're doing exactly what the mercs have always been paid to do fight for red or fight for Blue uh also Apple exists already sure it's very pick and Choy what occurs here there are 18 Merks in TF2 nine per side it's unknown if they're all doppelgangers or why they get killed all the time on camera but continue to respawn answering both of these questions the former I have no idea the latter there's imort morality machines is it really that hard to believe that there could be like respawns in a controlled area the point is as long as these 18 Merks are fighting nothing will change they're doing a 9 to5 where they kill each other and I actually don't need to introduce all 18 Merks due to circumstances I'll get into Miss Pauling actually develops a significantly stronger relationship with the red team and as such when things happen we spend way more time with the red team meaning that as a result we know way more about them and they're far more prominent that's not to say that blue team's useless but roughly 90% of all the team specific moments go to Red for example one of the locations the team usually fights in is TW Fort and as a PR stunt the administrator hired a filmmaker to Market The Mercenaries on red to justify all of the fighting in the local populace and this ends up working pretty quickly also in part because the town water supply has been riddled with lead on account of well you know oh by the way the whole stunt leads to the film guys's death it's used as a warning to keep everyone like not sharing their information the administrator is not the type of Boss who has casual Fridays like to give an idea heavy and Pyro go to her firsthand and ask for weapons and her first instinct is to blow everybody up so let's start off with a more simple Merks and work our way up starting off with basically who's the mascot man the heavy a Russian man named Misha whose family got sent to Siberia camps in 1941 when his father was part of the USSR counter revolutions after 3 months here he leads his family out into the Siberian mountains where they hunt bears heavy does a bunch of stuff for his folks yet he still finds time for his own passions and relationships he gets a PhD in Russian literature he likes sandwiches and he especially cares for the team medic Heavy's going to remain this stoic and wise friendly pal who does in fact have a kill count that reaches the triple digits next there's sniper Mick Mundy he's an Australian and pisses more than eight people combined that's an insane drop off between people his parents aren't all too jazzed about him being an assassin with them calling him a crazy gunman he's honestly just a guy he's probably the most normal he just comes in does his job and leaves Scout's real name is Jeremy he's a Boston boy and the youngest of eight brothers illiterate egotistical but at the very least a quickster and because of all the time he spent with Miss Pauling he got a little crushy crush on her now spy is a french guy who may or may not be the father of scout is actually he is it's it's pretty much confirmed red spy specifically is the dad of both Scouts actually he did both of the scouts moms last night how embarrassing now here's a fun little fact in meet the Spy the red spy is disguised before the Blue Sky shot between the eyes he's AC in a scout pretending to cry as the red spy got between his mom's thighs knees weaks arms are heavy slather myself in spaghetti he's just shocked because someone actually like got pictures of him uh doing someone's mom uh that's that's that's normal thing in this field of work uh lwig aka Mr medic has no doctorate never went to school and had his medical license revoked when a patient's skeleton went missing but at least he has a pigeon named Archimedes in a room full of psychopaths medic shines upon them and will prioritize exclusively his own goals I think the engineer is the most vague red and blue ngies are both related red NG Del coniker has 11 phds has innovated the immortality machines and out of everyone I think he's the one not showing his cards in part due to how powerful his knowledge is compared to everyone else even medic travish finegan de grou better known as demoan is a Scottish hyper alcoholic Cyclops he comes from a rich family to associate success with the amount of jobs work demo for example earned seven figures through three jobs and his father worked 26 at one point it's tradition for the deuts to be up for adoption when young he was only taken in when he blew up his adoptive parents and The Lochness Monster at the same time one Halloween he's offered a job to clean a library for a single nickel by a wizard yes a wizard named marasmus a 6,000 year-old figure the Only Rule demo has to follow is not open any of the books so demo opens the book now he has a haunted eye socket whatever dude holy hot dogs what the freak Frack Snick snack do I say about solders very stupid master of War master of Rocket jumping drinks so much lead water Flint Michigan would have a drought he's a lawyer a patriot and probably sleeps in a running washing machine he wanted to fight in World War II got rejected by every military branch went to Poland himself and went on a massive Rampage until he heard about the War ending in 1949 reminder World War II ends in 1945 he very likely removed a small country's worth of men from the population and then there's pyro I I I I don't know they're they're my favorite pyro and heavy are my favorites to play they make me feel like the best player in the whole wide world we don't know anything about pyro they're just happy to be here I like all these characters though I I I sure am glad despite the millions of deaths they've suffered by the player base I'm glad a respawn machine prohibits that whole death thing from actually happening maybe it like makes the mercs forget that they died or something I'm I'm not so sure what I do know is that the administrator and Miss Pauling do not want either side being friendly with each other nor do they want progress on red or blue end again they wear purple like at one point red demo and blue Soldier become best friends and seemingly are going to refuse to kill each other and maybe talk about their jobs and maybe even talk about their contracts the possibility of this alone makes the administrator Force upon them a friendship divorce but Saxton on the other hand he's the cool boss in the office his office desk is a grill that's badass Saxton invented the internet and buys all of Europe he found the yeti species captured them and then built a Yeti Park exclusive to hunt the yetis and then when the yetis go extinct he makes that a battlefield I mean what do I say he sacks in hail for 4 to 6 years the gravel Wars will happen with these teams a lot is going to happen and even though they have an objective chronological order of events it hardly matters plus I forgot to write down the order so I'm just going to go in whatever feels right outside of the meet the team videos The Mercenaries do a couple of things to appease the public one Christmas the blue Scout pile drives an old lady or something and when they're on trial the blue Soldier causes so so much of a Ruckus that both of them end up an elf and M Santa respectively and just to be safe blue spy comes with them while giving a little boy a haircut old Nick returns I probably shouldn't do that anymore old Nick tries to abduct little Jack because he can and in self-defense Jack mosies on over and offers him a lovely scarf that makes him fall asleep in excitement throughout the Halloween some more stuff happens marasmus will show up and cause a lot of problems mostly over refusing to do the dishes and because someone brought a vegetable dip with hummus of all things that Sherie board sucks if it has hummus as the best dip each year new things will invade like zharah will show up the Hess headless horsemen and demoman's other eye comes back to haunt as this monster monoculus I understand why you drink now Demoman fortunately at least one time arasmus gets arrested because when returning to an expo he discovers that Soldier made their home a raccoon Sanctuary with an abundance of sour cream they're roommates by the way I just forgot to add that they they lived with each other marasmus threatens to kill him but Soldier took the comeback from the dead stronger pills and then an officer arrests him for this entire Fiasco in 1971 there's expiration date red gets the weekend off after successfully stealing a briefcase when the team finds out that every time they used Engineers teleporters the devices that they've been using for up to 4 years at this point have riddled all of them with tumors and they confirm this through the bread I don't know how heavy has never noticed this so while trying to do something nice spy comes up up with the idea to accomplish everyone's Last Wishes but Scout does some Shenanigans and nearly ruins the whole thing but in actuality he has a final wish to go on a date with Miss Pauling after a montage Scout basically fails all the teachings so he just gives it the good old College try even though I'm convinced Scout probably didn't even graduate high school he sounds the briefcase missing alarm to summon Miss Pauling and Wast her yearly day off then NG and medic discover hey those aren't tumors those are just the green virus and only bread can get the green so as long as no one teleported any bread and never does it again there will be no problems but off screen after getting a bucket as His Last Wish Soldier was told at the start and I quote teleport as much bread as you would like so for the past 70 straight hours Soldier has just been teleporting bread so the bread just becomes a giant monster for over 4 years this monster was roaming around Europe I don't even want to think about what he's done if the military rejected him in every Branch fighting happens uh bing bong explosion death also every game of TF2 was Cannon you can't prove otherwise and then it happens Redman and blue tar rent The Alamo and propose a truce it turns out gray was the one to call him there taking out his brothers once and for all in one F swoop and the gravel Wars are over with no more paychecks and with both teams bosses out of the picture all mercenaries are about to go home and pack up and leave but then Miss Pauling reveals oh wait guys Saxon got a new job for you just go beat up the machines throwing everyone back into work to protect Manco facilities from greyman and his machines and they're only getting paid because robots run on money somehow I feel like regular paper would be easier but hey that's fine heavy like sandwiches in this man versus machine period there's still more stuff going on despite both teams working together now medic figures out how to revive people within a 5-second rule and the man brothers are back as ghosts now Tech Tech Al blue Tark won the gravel Wars by 7 seconds but since neither of them could do the paperwork they got to go to soldier who might I remind you is a lawyer where he reveals the winner is whoever can go to an afterlife last so the brothers decide they're going to send each other to hell and the gravel Wars are back on for a little bit wow cool despite everything changing nothing has changed this period of man versus machine content takes us through a majority of 1972 and nothing would change until it didn't not change gry MCM takes a step back and changes his approach to this new war he surrenders and then challenges Saxton to the Manco challenge a fight that states if the Challenger wins they get the entire company gray declares Saxon will fight the current Company CEO and knowing that Saxon will only spare babies gray promoted his daughter to the CEO making Saxton instantly forfeit and instantly ending the challenge throwing away Manco but could you imagine if Saxon just ignored it and like just threw that child out the window like a discus this is the same story where people died over hats it's it's not impossible the tragic failure on hail's part results in all Merks losing their job to AI the administrator tells all of her employees to scatter and go into hiding and this only becomes an issue for three of the characters Soldier needs to move out of his castle and somehow is Scouts helping him load his stuff Soldier breaks both of Scout's arms now right before spy leaves Scout asks for help attaining his savings at the two for bank and this turns out to be exclusively Tom Jones merch thinking that his death will significantly increase the value of it and this ends up leading to stupid bickering and the two Fort mayor trapping the two in the bank only letting them out if they agree to go to jail now Scout I understand falling for this but how did spy not at least attempt to leave was he setting a good example did he want father son time they've been co-workers for like four years Scout seems like a good friend to see a couple times a month but not really like living with him contrary to popular belief I'm not all too interested in getting arrested in New Mexico now it's late 1972 to early 19 1973 probably I don't know I wasn't there 6 months have passed since the team split and the administrator has a plan in the main comic run during all this time australium has been quickly diminishing and there's not much left on the planet yet she somehow managed to net 89,000 tons of it so miss Pauling is tasked to find as many mercs as possible and find any remaining Australian so she looks for the red team and starts with anyone who stayed in the southwest soldiers currently doing celebrity house tours starting at Tom Jones's house which leads to to his death in the process this hardly matters also marasmus is Tom's current roommate but but not anymore next they find a depressed CEO pyro at this place called Frontier engineering where his passion for arson is reignited by his Palace and demo he's he's just a sad guy he he just jumps back he jumps back in pretty instantly next up spy and Scout still in jail Miss Pauling and Pyro go to burn books his graay on their Trail using all the resources and his own immortality machine to stop them while demo and Soldier go to court trying to free their big old buds they fell so now there's a public execution and before anything happens Miss pollen goes in and goes nuh-uh instantly convincing the town to give up thank you lead water for poisoning the town and saving the day then the team splits up to look for heavy and sniper pyro Soldier and Scout all go to Siberia while Pauling demo and spy go to Australia the Siberia team finds Amelia airharts Place of plane crash finding her remains in a hot dog suit and after smothering themselves in honey they attract baby bears this is when heavy shows up and gives that bear a Stern talking to this crew goes over to Heavy's house and Janna I think that's how you say your name I'm going to say it like that please don't please don't yell at me one of Heavy's sisters gets a boyfriend and his name is Soldier that's not soldier's name his name's actually Mr Jane do oh and then the family decides to go back to America because siberia's cold and also cold right as this happens the Australia team makes it to Australia where they see firsthand how no australium is a bummer for the populace and the Gang spends about a week in Australia but while that is happening Saxon hail finds his ex working for Charles darling where Charles offers to get Manco back in exchange for some Australian to keep the endangered animals alive then the other team makes it to Australia scouting heavy are tasked with going to a rock where they stumble upon Saxon and Maggie this will be important everyone else needs to go to New Zealand as supposedly all the last supplies over there only problem is that New Zealand de decided to go underwater the entire city is at the bottom of the ocean because one scientist said so he said the world was going to end it didn't to counteract this gray sends out a new team that's actually Team Fortress classic alongside the medic who does not give a sloppy string slacko Berry about needing to hunt his old friends and as this happens solder Jana and spy sneak into the Australian Navy and kindly ask to borrow a submarine Miss Pauling and demo finds sniper's house where sniper nearly takes him out and he found out he's adopted but this means sniper all good with going to New Zealand and the whole gang goes on down to the underwater don't don't ask where pyro was during this time there was no explanation in New Zealand the crew discovers sniper real parents revealing that he's not a true Australian and that explains why australium never gave him superpowers and his real name is Mundy Mundy I've heard Slurpees with better names also it turns out sniper parents Al just they're kind of dicks his dad wasted all the australium to paint test Rockets to space while his mom takes the last one and to rub like 14 lb of salt into sniper's big old flesh wound his dad steals the submarine never to be seen again and then the classic mercenaries shoot sniper killing him instantly when the classic team returns with the red team gray decides to do a final Manco facility Invasion where he gets the administrators remaining australium until classic heavy thinks to himself hey I want to be immortal why am I making this shriveled raisin man Immortal so he rips out Gray's immortality machine leaving him to perish and taking him out of the story as Gray's machines are about to do their Invasion Soldier and Janna are being interrogated by classic pyro until Janna removes her hand to blow up classic pyro Pauling in Spire about to take some cyanide until heavy and Scout show up woohoo but just kidding it's classic spy and demo then Soldier and Janna appear show classic spy how to turn his head around like an owl and Janna punches Pauling so hard the kinetic energy knocks the classic demoan to the ground where the Spy chokes him with handcuffs across the base medic revives sniper as he has a nice moment realizing how much his adopted parents love him once and for all accepting his job not as a crazy gunman but as an assassin and when he wakes up classic heavy just starts yelling he sucks he's a jerk I hate him I hope he shrivels the red team skedaddles but nearly gets all their blood removed from the blood sucking robots but it's fine because demoan having an alcoholic withdrawal has taught his vital organs to produce alcohol meaning that it is running through his veins and poisons the robots the final fight begins Scout heavy Saxon and Maggie land from a plane with the team weapons pyro melts classic Scout and Classic Soldier Spy and sniper get classic NG and classic sniper and on their way back they stumble onto a near-death Scout spy disguises himself as Tom Jones and announces how proud he is of his son going down this path and Scout goes out smiling finally knowing once and for all his father was Tom Jones but actually spy he doesn't die by the way this is TF2 the good guys live forever in heaven God and Scout are home dogs they have booze ball tables they send Tom Jones to Super heaven and Scout gets to revive himself back on the battlefield all the fighting is fighting ending off with a heavy versus heavy fight it's mostly going toward red Heavy's win until classic heavy puts on Gray's Australian device and stains medic's perfectly good coat with strawberry jam now madic was a German who was very likely in World War II so he's going straight to hell but during this time madic Stole The Souls of either the classic or red mercenaries meaning that the devil owns only a ninth of his Souls but in exchange for two more of those souls he gets brought back for 50 years now mic reveals that he stuffed baboon uteruses in classic heavy which baffles him so much it provides red heavy with enough time to pull out gry's immortality machine which drains the rest of the life force it's all over red wins australium is gone forever and then it's revealed during all of this adventure engineer's been with the administrator rationing the remaining australium that they have in keeping her deceased for upwards of several hours she only has about 6 months to live and she just goes I don't I we let's just ball I don't give a ho and she goes All or Nothing uses the rest of it at once gives her one hour of Youth and oh man the the finale comic the the the the the finale comic of this is crazy it doesn't exist there was no finale why does this keep happening see valve the creators of TF2 are very bad at finishing things they like making good games but don't really like counting to three the last update for TF2 was 2017 that's over 6 years ago finish the comic one issue left but no we don't get to see it we don't get to see anything so here's what I would guess I think Saxton would punch Charles Darlin in the face and refuse Manco I think Elizabeth and Helen could be the same person and she was going to destroy the Manco Legacy which is why the story never escalates through the gravel Wars and I think all of the MCS would have found some new jobs some together some doing their own things and in the end it doesn't matter TF2 mostly lives on Via the community who you know they got some good things like tf2 classic and then they got some bad eggs like every Community does treat others how you want to be treated guys don't don't be bucket Dippers be good people well that's all folks look at this sad statistic and feel guilty here's a gamer Subs code hey Tyler there's someone behind you I love doing that joke I hope I hope that freaks someone out really I don't have much else to add all I could say is oh I don't know maybe oh I don't know finish the comment a

Channel: choopo

Views: 296,140

Keywords: Bizarre lore, Choopo bizarre lore, Fixtf2, Meet the team, Miss Pauling, Savetf2, Saxton hale, Team fortress 2 lore, Team fortress classic, The bizarre lore of tf2, Valve, bizarre lore, choopo, microsoft paint, savetf2, scout, team fortress 2 meet the spy, teamfortress2 video, tf2 community vs bots, tf2 meet the team, update tf2

Id: Zwj2GTLCWs4

Length: 29min 9sec (1749 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 22 2024