The #1 Word A Narcissist Absolutely Cannot Stand

[Music] you notice by the title of the video that I have here that there's one word that narcissists absolutely cannot stand to hear from you I'm gonna reveal that word too and I'm not going to keep you in suspense for a super long time because yeah I want to play that kind of trickster kind of thing on you but I want to set up our scenario and I I want to begin by getting you to remember what is it that the narcissist wants the most in life and basically they want control or we could put it in different terms they want dominance they want superiority they want everything to go according to their game plan according to their preferences their cravings for their desires they're very self-absorbed kind of individuals and it's all about one's self and they want to make sure that you understand that and so that you can perpetuate and keep that game of bears going that's what they want now I want you to think how is it that the narcissist keeps perpetuating this control game of theirs and this dominance game of theirs and you know that there are many ways that they go about doing it they can argue with you and in their arguing it's their way of saying you have to listen to me you have to know that what I'm saying is the ultimate I'm the ultimate sometimes they may ignore you it's like okay if you don't pay attention to me I'll just make you suffer or sometimes they can just invalidate you as you're trying to talk and explain that there are some thoughts and ideas that you have that might need to be attended to it's like no you don't even know what you're talking about so they invalidate they can press you with their selfish agenda it's like they want you to join in their kinds of behaviors or priorities in and they're just going to keep pushing and pushing and pushing until you finally give in and say okay okay we'll go with your agenda they maintain double standards what's good for you is not necessarily good for or what you're required to do they don't have to follow through with it they may be evasive anything that more or less says I'm the primary person in this room today things have to go according to my preferences my cravings my desires now obviously you have the overt style of narcissism where they're just very pushy with it but even in the covert sense they may not be saying those words in a very open kind of way but by their covert and sneaky and and a secretive way of life it's like I don't want to pay attention anyone else's needs other than my own now here's the one word when that narcissus comes at you with this strong need to be dominant and in some in control over you your one word reaction to that person can be whatever whatever you know it's they've got to be significant and they have to be relevant and the way that they try to be relevant is to just become so important I caught up in their own self-importance and they need to have you come along with that whatever you remember that the old Greek story about narcissus going through the forest and most of you are familiar with it he comes upon a pool of water and then looks into the water and cannot take his eyes away from what he sees in the reflection in the pool narcissus is enamored with himself and he said he has so much of this this idealized notion of what he's seeing right there in that pool that he just can't pull himself away that's where we get the term narcissism there's someone named Byrd with themselves and they have all sorts of pet phrases or ideas or thoughts that you're likely to come across let's go through some of those self-absorbed kind of thoughts that they can have and then let's look at it in light of power one word for example a narcissus may want you to know hey I'm a big deal whatever for the noggin says this can say well you need to have the same priorities as me whatever and/or the narcissist may think no one understands life quite the way that I do whatever group the narcissist can say well you'd be a lot better off if you just followed my commands okay whatever or the narcissist can say I keep discovering things about you that are really flawed okay whatever the narcissist says but I have to have the final word in all matters hmm okay whatever well my needs are far more important than your needs hmm whatever or if you disagree with me I'm gonna make you live to regret it whatever or your feelings your perceptions mean nothing to me hmm whatever work I don't have to be accountable to you or anyone else okay whatever or you know what I could reveal things about you to the public that would really make you feel embarrassed make you look bad what ever now I don't mean to be rude and passive-aggressive in the way that I'm talking here although I'm sure they can interpret that they may accuse you of that whatever when you say whatever to all of this it's your way of saying you know I'm weary I'm weary of your game I'm weary of your insistence that I'm supposed to some hair another be subordinate to you and cater to all of your preferences and limbs and childlike ways of doing things and if you feel like you need to dominate me that's your game I'm not playing it anymore see there's one thing that a narcissist looks to you most for and that is supply they want you to feed their ego they want you tune to pop them up they want you to stay engage with them in such a way that allows them to hold themselves over you and as long as you play along and let them be over you then you're giving them supply they they have a hungry ego and in part of the way that you feed that hungry ego is that they're their various kind of reactions that you can have sometimes you cry when they are really mean to you many times you feel like you have to rationalize and justify and they're thinking okay good good good this is working sometimes you just plead your case come on don't you understand this sometimes you just go away in salt it's like oh I just have that person going so good other times you react with rebellion it's like empathy that's that's why I have to dominate them they just don't know how to do life very well sometimes you may accuse them of being whatever it is they're going on and you start arguing with slightly okay I can argue back if they love it it's it's the game that they want to play and the more you engage with that the more you go into it then it's like oh this is fuel for their soul that perhaps you've heard the term going grey rock now when we talk about going gray rock but let's keep in mind there's hardly anything in the world more bland than a grey rock it's not like you're gonna stay there and pay attention to a gray rock and so what we're going to do is we're going to give this hungry egotistical it's all about many kind of narcissus the grey rock treatment by the way of you perhaps know people who are actors and they love to be on the play and actually I know plenty of folks that have been in that and it's a great kind of thing for self-expression there's one thing that actors will tell you that they feed off the most and that is they feed off of the reaction of the crowd in front of them and when the crowd is in there and with them and going on along with them then that really gets the actor going and they just get deeper and deeper into their role they really of it the narcissist is the actor on the states they're the actor they're the producers live the director and you're the audience and they're looking to you to give them the response and so let's suppose the end the narcissist is up there and there one person's play on the stage and you're in the audience probably whatever the narcissist think hey wake up this is me like I'm not too interested that's kind of what we're talking about that's the go gray rock kind of mentality and what it does is it takes the wind out of their sails so let's keep in mind the narcissist wants to keep you engaged and if they can keep you engaged by you coming back with your dysfunction or your responses to them you'll quit I hate it when you do this to me that kind of thing then it's it's food to their soul so what we're gonna say is this disengage yeah I do not want to hand over my sense of stability to an unstable person and I certainly don't want to give attention to frankly it's like a little kid who's just seeking unnatural attention I'm not gonna do that I have my own life to live and I'm hoping that as you think about that one thought I have my own life to live you'll realize you know I've got a good mind I have good priorities and preferences I want to go somewhere in a decent kind of way I want to treat people right I want to connect and I want to share experiences in a healthy way with healthy people but I'm not going to do it at the expense of my own self-respect the narcissist wants to keep you engaged but in doing so they step all over you as they elevate themselves and so we're gonna close by saying you let's keep in mind the narcissist is like the alcoholic who's looking for the next drink and I'm hoping that you can say you know what the bar is closed and I'm not serving your next drink whatever I hope that you can get some good insight from videos such as this and if you've not already done so go beneath the video here and hit that subscribe button we'll keep more coming your direction you may already know but if you haven't already checked out our other website surviving narcissism dot TV I would encourage you to go and take a look at that also I have my own personal website dr. les Carter common and we have the websites there so that you can be inspired with more articles and videos and things of that nature and I hope that you'll check those out and pass along to your friends if you haven't need to talk over these kind of things with a licensed professional counselor I know when this day and age many people are looking in that direction we have a link below that can help you in that response and in addition we have links to my online video workshops my books and even coffee mugs I want you to learn that the narcissist is somebody who has a rather pitiable approach toward life and the more you engage with that then the more brings you down I want you to elevate yourself by saying I can't I can't go along with that I'm not going to do that and when they had no would send out the golden invitation for me to play along with that the answer is no I had better things to do with my life so I'm hoping for you to have your own sense of direction your own intentionality and I want you to proceed with self-confidence and initiative leading the way [Music]

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 990,226

Rating: 4.9233036 out of 5

Keywords: narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism in relationships, Dr. Les Carter, anger, no contact, passive aggressive, controlling people, self help, mental health, psychology, counseling

Id: 5fbs8e9X2cI

Length: 12min 40sec (760 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 30 2020