Do you know what might make a narcissist panic? By the end of this video, you will have four
tactics that will send that narcissist into a tizzy and turn the table on them in a way
that they normally do to you. I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% divorce attorney
and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate Like You Matter and Breaking Free: A Step
by Step Divorce Guide. And I've helped thousands of people go from
lives of drama, trauma and chaos to step into lives of freedom, possibility, prosperity,
and purpose. And I do the same thing right here in these
videos with you. So before we go any further, hit that little
subscribe button, hit that notification bell so that you can be notified every week when
I upload new videos. Now if you are dealing with a narcissist,
then that narcissist is probably driving you crazy or actually maybe even feeling like
insane and you're thinking, is there any way to make them panic? Yes, there is. But first, let me just go through a couple
of the things that they do to you because it's important to understand that so that
you can understand the flip side of it and what makes them panic. So a couple of their go to things are things
like gaslighting. Gaslighting is trying to make you think that
you're crazy. And what they do is they'll say, "Oh, we talked
about that," or, "Don't you remember that?" Or, "No, that's not how that went." Something like that. And shifting, shifting what they said, shifting
what you guys talked about, shifting what you know you said so that it meets their agenda,
which is to manipulate you, and to make you think that you're crazy. So gaslighting is definitely one of their
favorite, favorite, favorite tactics. Another one of their favorite tactics is lying. They are total pathological liars. The crazy thing I think about narcissists
is that they will lie about stuff that they don't even need to lie about. You think to yourself, why are you lying about
that? You didn't even need to lie about that. But the thing is that narcissists think that
they need to manipulate everything. They don't believe that they can get anything
just in a normal way. They feel like they have to lie. So they will lie about even things that are
readily verifiable, which is the thing that's pretty crazy. And in a lot of my other videos, I talk about
making sure that you document, document, document everything that you do because they will eventually
contradict themselves. They will eventually put things in writing
that are completely contradictory to what is actually happening or what they've said
before. Now they'll have some explanation for it,
but that doesn't mean that you won't eventually be able to use it against them. Okay. So number two thing that they do on a very
regular basis is lie. The third thing they try to do a lot of is
intimidation tactics. So what I mean by that is, is that they will
constantly try to make you be afraid. So they intimidate you in all sorts of ways. You're afraid that they're going to hurt you. They're afraid they're going to expose you. You're afraid that they're going to take your
kids. They're very, very, very good at figuring
out what your weaknesses are, what means the most to you, and that's what they'll go for. So if you're a mother and you don't want to
lose your kids, they'll say, "I'm taking the kids and you'll never see your kids again." If you are dependent upon this person for
support, they'll say, "I'm going to take everything and leave you in the street." If you want money from this person, then they'll
use that against you. So whatever they can use against you, they
will, and they'll scare you into thinking like, "Oh my God, my life is going to be so
terrible if I cross this person." And there's all different types of intimidation
tactics that they use. Some are more violent than others if they're
more of a malignant type of narcissist. Some of them are a little bit more stealth
if they're like a covert narcissist, but all narcissists use the same kinds of tactics. For the most part, gaslighting is definitely
one. Lying is definitely one as well, and intimidating
you in some ways is one as well. And another thing that they often try to do
is triangulate. This is where they get their flying monkeys
involved and they get you to believe that all these other people have lined up a side
by side with them supporting them. And if you cross this person or you come out
and try to expose them in some way, then you're going to want be the one that looks crazy
and you're going to be the one that looks insane or you'll lose all your friends because
everybody believes that this person is absolutely wonderful. And so obviously, you're the one that must
be insane. So the term flying monkeys comes back from
the Wizard of Oz and it was when the wicked witch had her flying monkeys on her side. And that's what narcissists do. They all do it. They all try to make you think that they're
like so close to all these other people. And so therefore, you shouldn't come out and
try to say anything bad about this person because everybody else thinks this person
is amazing. These are just a few of the things that they
do. If this is all sounding all too familiar to
you, go ahead and give me a totally in the comments and if you are dealing with these
things with the narcissist, which I'm sure you are, make sure you check out my video
on self care when coping with a narcissist. I will drop a link to that below. You want to make sure that you're taking care
of yourself when you're dealing with a narcissist. I'm sure all these things sound really familiar
to you, but in the end, okay, great. What can you do about it? So here's the not so secret secret about narcissists. That is that they are actually the most scaredy
cats on the planet. They have no sense of inner value. I've often said they're like the chocolate
Easter bunnies that are hollow inside. They have no sense of internal value whatsoever. So they've got to go and get all of their
sense of value from the external. And that's what we call narcissist supply. It's in the form of compliments, money, prestige,
whatever it is that they can get to get attention for themselves on the external. But the thing is they're super afraid. So if you pushed back on them enough, they
will back down. So what causes a narcissist to panic, to feel
stunned? Number one, brutal honesty. They expect, because they're pathological
liars, that most people lie too. They really just expect that everybody else
is just as bad as they are and they don't understand what it's like to be a normal person,
that they've never been one. So they don't get that. They don't get that people out there actually
have integrity. They understand the concept of it, but they
just really don't believe that anybody else has it. So if you're just brutally honest with them,
it kind of stuns them and they are not exactly sure what to do with that. So for example, a covert narcissist is all
often sick. That's one of the things that they do. They have this whole shtick that there are,
they're unwell in some way. They can't work or whatever it is. There's always some reason to feel sorry for
the covert narcissist. And so if one day, they're super sick and
then the next day they show up at something fun, something that they want to actually
be involved in because of course they don't want to miss out on getting attention for
themselves, just without any kind of sarcasm or attitude or whatever, just say, "Oh, I'm
so surprised that you're here." You said you were so sick yesterday and you
have to be careful because if you say with any kind of tone whatsoever or they're like
super sensitive, they can sense it no matter what level of sarcasm it is. They'll feel it. They'll sense it. Even if it's not there, they might think it's
there. So just make sure you're really saying it
like as if you're reporting the news. I always say like just the facts, ma'am. Right. Just, "Oh, I'm surprised you're here. You said you were so sick yesterday." They won't know what to do with that. So brutal honesty is number one. Okay? Number two is pushing back. This is something that they don't expect,
especially if you're used to giving in and acquiescing to whatever it is that they want. They will be really surprised and it will
make them panic if you push back against them. If they start to realize this person they
thought they had total control over is no longer listening to everything that they do
or doing everything that they say or buying into everything that they're selling, it will
stun them and it will start to panic them a little bit because they'll be going, "What's
going on here? Why is this person pushing back against me?" Something like that. Okay, so that's number two. Okay? And number three is exposing them. They do not want to be exposed for any reason
whatsoever. If you really want to throw a narcissist into
panic mode, let them think that they're going to be exposed or actually expose them. If they're flying monkeys, find out who they
really are. Or if somebody that they respect gets to see
some side of them that they don't want seen, then that's a really huge way to make a narcissist
panic. So for example, in a mediation situation,
if you know something about the narcissist that they don't want the other side to know,
you might subtly say that that fact is going to come out. In my world, it could be that the person has
a sexually transmitted disease and they are a doctor in the community. They probably don't want the world to know
that. So especially if they got it by cheating on
you and everything else. So sometimes not going to court can be a huge
motivator for a narcissist. It can really make them panic if they think
that the world is going to see things about them that they have taken painstaking efforts
to hide and make sure nobody else knows. So number three is exposing them. Okay. And number four is losing control in any way. So remember what we talked about, that they're
the most scared people on the planet. They're really like the bullies. You know how in A Christmas Story, that old
movie that the little boy fought back against the bully and then the bully ended up running
away. You're really just figuring out what their
level is and they're doing the same thing to you, by the way. So every time you push back a little bit against
them, they'll act up even more. They'll do more of their lying, more of their
control tactics, more of their intimidation, more of their narcissistic rage. It will spurn them because they'll think,
okay, I just need to clamp down a little bit harder against this person so that they'll
behave and get back under my layer of control. Or they might start love bombing again. And then devaluing, love bomb, devalue. They'll start doing this campaign of love
bombing again because they're trying to get you back into their layer of control. They're panicking. So losing control is something that really
sends them into a tizzy. The reason they do all the things that they
do, gaslighting, manipulation, lying, all the things that I talked about at the beginning
of this video is because they're trying to assert control over you because they are so
insecure underneath. And the way that you can make them panic is
by having them lose some of that control. And just like if you have a two year old that
has a tantrum, they're conditioning the parents. It's like, okay, if I scream loud enough,
if I have enough of a tantrum here, if I cry loud enough, then mommy and daddy will give
me what I want. And if you give in it as a parent to that
child, then they'll know next time, I just need to scream louder. I just need to scream longer and eventually
they'll give into what I want. So what the narcissist is doing is trying
to figure out at what level do I need to act at to get this person back into my layer of
control. And if you give into that, then they know
I just need to be that much louder, that much more awful next time in order to get this
person to come back to my layer of control. So if you really want to make a narcissist
panic, let them realize that you're no longer buying in to that stuff. When they start losing control, that's when
they super panic. It's all a pretty sick game, but they are
sick people. And if you want to know more about how to
outsmart the narcissist, check out my video on How to Outsmart a Narcissist. I will drop a link to that below. And if you liked this video, give it a like,
give it a share, drop me a comment. I really do try to respond to all my comments
that I receive on my videos. I really appreciate you guys and if you haven't
already, hit the subscribe button, hit the notification bell. And also if you're getting ready to negotiate
with the narcissist, you'll want to grab my Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet. It's totally free. And the link to that is below. You will not want to walk into a negotiation
without that. I also have a totally free Facebook group. It's called Narcissist Negotiators, and I
will drop a link to that below. I'd love to see you in my Facebook group so
that you can connect with other people who are dealing with narcissists and give each
other support. I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% divorce attorney. I'm so glad you stopped by here and watched
this video and I will see you in the next one. In the meantime, today is a great day to start
negotiating your best life.
