7 Things Narcissists Fear The Most

[Music] it would come as no surprise to most of you to know that when you engage with the narcissist you're going to encounter quite a bit of negative emotion and most of it on the surface is going to come off at least initially as anger narcissus can be easily annoyed and agitated and irritable and it can go to a rage at times where they can just have very harsh and unfavorable things to say about you convert a narcissist tend to be a little bit more passive aggressive in the way that they deal with their anger and the they'll withdraw and they'll punish you with silence and manipulation and behind the scenes non-cooperation things like that but nonetheless most of you have had many many experiences with the narcissist thinking man I got to stay away from that person's anger now let's keep in mind that anger tends to be a secondary emotion and it reflects something else going on on the inside of the person who's experiencing that emotion and typically especially when we're talking about the narcissus the driving emotion is fear now it's real easy to see this basically when the anger come when the narcissist comes along with their anger it's their way of saying I feel threatened by who you are right now I feel threatened by how you think or how you're prioritizing things and where I fit into your scheme but instead of saying that and you just lash out at you there they're not terribly in perspective and so we can see that the anger is actually a cover for that deeper sense of fear keep in mind that the opposite of fear is trust and specifically relative to this topic it's trusting in oneself self Trust is what I call it for example if someone comes along and they're in disagreement with me or they're speaking in ways or acting in ways that I don't really like and it creates an agitation my self trust can cause me to think wait a minute I know me well enough to know that I can figure this out let's calm down let's see what we can do to sift it out what do you have to say to me or what would you like me to know that's what self trust does narcissists can I do that their fear is so strong that it prompts them to lash out towards the other individual so your task is to be able to see behind the mask that they have and understand the fears that are driving them and in doing so it can create an object in you so that you don't take their garbage and make it real personal all about yourself which is what they want to do because the narcissist wants you to take responsibility for their emotional stability and that's just simply not an appropriate way to think and to live so I've identified seven primary fears that narcissus can have and as I go through these see if this is something that you can relate to with some of the people that might be in your world and you might even take a look at yourself to to see how this might relate now the first thing and this is kind of an easy one too to say that a narcissist fears is they fear being disrespected if you differ from that narcissism if you have plans that the narcissist thinks I wouldn't have done that or if you have an idea or a thought that they just don't understand rather than saying that's where you are I'm in a separate place okay the nurses this interprets that as are you disrespecting me do you know that I am and and they interpret respect as meaning you have to agree with me on everything and so they don't know what to do when that is not forthcoming basically the narcissist wants to cry out I have to know that that you think of me as a real somebody you've got to treat me in a high and lofty way and anything short of that is going to be construed as disrespect not and interestingly they don't actually show or give the respect toward you that they demand for themselves we have a word for that it's called hypocrisy but that's how they operate they fear being disrespected now taking that a little bit further we can say a second fear that narcissus have is they fear being abandoned and rejected see not only do they not well want to to be disrespected by you but they interpret your negatives or they interpret your disagreement as just running away from them it's like it's as if you're saying to the narcissist I just miss you I don't care about you you're a nobody and the narcissists think I can't handle that I can't deal with that what do you mean I'm a nobody now you may not be saying those words but that's the interpretation they made and and interestingly the narcissist one of the reasons they keep hanging around with you is they see you as supply they need you to be there and to be subject to them and to be subordinate to them because that makes them feel like a somebody and so if you say you know what I'm tired of this gig I don't really need to play my role in anymore thinks I'm not I'm not interested then they're gonna go into a panic mode because it's like oh no now I'm all alone and I don't know what to do with that get back over here and play your role will you a third thing that narcissus fear and that is they fear being criticized now I want you to think is there a narcissist just as over here just kind of he wants to get a front row seat so he's gonna kind of come up here so you can hear a little bit better it's her narcissists alive out there that doesn't criticize heavily of course they do now the rule though is you can't criticize them you can they can tell you all sorts of things that you have to do and you did wrong but you can't do the same in Reverse because their criticism is their way of saying well this illustrates that I am above you and so if you say well turnabout's fair play I'm gonna criticize you right back it's like no no that means that I have flaws just as I know you have flaws and I can't get down there on the same level with the rest of you poor slobs out there I'm not human in the same way you are I'm above you I'm superhuman and so criticism is something that they dread now taking that one a little bit further a four thing the narcs fear is ridicule is it's one thing to feel like you're being criticized but narcissus if they feel like you're looking down on them in a disdainful kind of way then that just go flies all over them so if they're ever the object for example just of teasing or certainly if if they think that you're joking about them or you're speaking sarcastic remarks about them or definitely if you taught them and and hold yourself in in a derisive way over them maybe you call them name something like that then that's going to bring out all the anger all the more and it's like nobody and I mean nobody gets away with this but again it taps into that fear I can't stand it when somebody thinks that poorly of me now speaking personally I like being ridiculed I don't like people speaking poorly I mean but at the same time I think that I'm wise enough at least in most cases to realize when somebody's ridiculing me or anyone else that's more of a commentary about who they are I don't need to take that in and make it a commentary about myself the narcissist is like no that's not what I do what they'll do is they'll reverse the field and they go into a ridiculing mode toward you and many times you'll hear words of humiliation toward you and they can get into name-calling and they can be really ugly about it they'll call you a loser or a [ __ ] or a reject or scum or they'll throw out ethnic slurs anything and everything to make you feel like you're in the down position because they fear themselves being in the down position now a fifth thing that narcissus peer and that is they fear being exposed when you and I hang out with other individuals whether it's in business or work or family and friendships eventually what's going to happen is our flaws are going to show up our mistakes are going to become known and our humanity is going to be there and as we get to know one another healthy and secure people can say yeah I do have mistakes err I have things in my personal resume that didn't play out the way I wanted I'm flawed I'm human okay let's talk about it and let's share our experiences so that we can learn how to be mutual encouragers narcissus is like oh no nobody exposes me I don't want you to talk about my mistakes now if you catch them lying or if they are a bully or if they have had some socially inappropriate behaviors or if they've made miscalculations what do they do they flip it around on you first of all they they talk about how you're really the loser but then they make themselves have to be the victim hey you know if you do see any of my flaws and if you're over there holding that against me there's something wrong with you I can't believe that you would talk this way towards me and so they rationalize and then they turn it around and make you out to be some sort of mean-spirited individual a sixth thing that narcissus fear they fear being irrelevant sometimes the worst thing that can happen to them is to just be ignored or just being talked over there can be times when when a narcissist maybe in a group of individuals and it becomes clear to them that you people don't care about me and again it's like they interpret that as as a referendum about who they the narcissists are and it's like I am extremely relevant and you have to know that and so feeling you're relevant and feeling like they're just being overlooked is something that bothers them and bothers them greatly and then a seventh thing that that a narcissist can fear and this kind of takes the number six and then that puts a little bit of a different spin if your being average as an example I've had situations where let's say somebody marries a narcissist and then that narcissist is brought into that new person's extended family or Friendship Circle and they realize well everybody else already has a connection with this first person and the narcissist thinking I'm just somebody that's an appendage over here and rather than thinking well let's take time and let's allow the blending to come in and I'll bond overtime it's like I don't want to just be some sort of Wallflower over here I don't want to just be known as an average person that just blends in and they don't like being unknown in circumstances they want to be regaled and then when when someone else gets the spotlight or when somebody else is is hailed as being somebody who's really good and man worthy that the narcissist thinking well what about me and they fear being seen as somebody that's just kind of a member of the middle of the pack now let's keep in mind that most of the time when you are in the presence of a fearful narcissist it's going to come out as anger but there are a few things that I'm hoping you can hold on to so that you can maintain your objectivity with these individuals first and this is what this video is all about know what you're dealing with this this angry narcissist is really a childish person who feels so much and need to be special and they don't know what to do and they're highly sensitive when somebody doesn't give them that special treatment second don't get caught in their game if they start getting into the you owe me or here's what's wrong with you kind of a mindset rather than thinking oh no I can't do this I get I can't believe that you're thinking that way towards me which means that you're operating out of your fear let them be what they are because you're not going to make them change it the narcissist actually likes it when you go into your defensive pattern because that allows them to falsely assume that they have momentary superiority another thought and that is let yourself be you and don't apologize for being you the fearful narcissist wants to put all of it on you because that takes them off the internet in their minds that exonerates them let them but then you can also have the notion that says I am what I am and if you like to get to know me on an authentic way then we can actually have a really healthy relationship but if that's not something you're interested in I'm that doesn't require me to have to apologize for being me and then finally if necessary if this is a person that's to do exaggerated in their fears move on now sometimes you need to move on physically and just get away from them all together sometimes the circumstances are not such that you can do that but you can at least move on psychologically and engage with people who do know and appreciate you for who you are don't let the narcissist fear trigger your fears keep your inner peace even though that's not a person of peace that's in front of you I do hope you find value in videos such as this thank you for letting me it button be a part of your journey beneath the video you're going to see a subscribe button and if you've not already hit that I would encourage you to do so so we can keep you apprised of more videos we also have an email list that's a beneath video that you can click the link that we have there and get some bonus videos and articles and pretend promotions if you're in need of online counseling we've teamed up with a group that can help you there I know some of you don't have the physical availability for counseling and this would be a way for you to get some help in that respect and then in addition we have online videos and workshops and things of that nature and my books and all theirs and if you find those to be helpful I would hope that you would avail yourself to that thanks for letting me be a part of your journey and I will see you next time you

Info

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 771,745

Rating: undefined out of 5

Keywords: Narcissism, Narcissistic personality disorder, Malignant narcissist, covert narcissism, anger, defensiveness, narcissism in relationships, self help, mental health

Id: uozEne_9YY0

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 14min 54sec (894 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 03 2019