A Real Life Checklist For Identifying Narcissism

[Music] as the therapist who's trying to help individuals come to terms with the narcissist in their life I realized there are two different ways that we can gain an understanding of what this pattern of life is like one is we can be a little bit intellectual or academic in the way that we look at it and let's realize that there are certain ingredients that are some of the hallmarks of a narcissist high control low empathy exploitive manipulative behavior a need to be superior as a sense of entitlement things of that nature very self-absorbed way of living but then as a therapist I'm dealing with people in real time and we're wanting to look at how narcissism tends to play out inside the home or inside of work and relationships and so I like to look at some of the common behaviors that go along with the the actual definition of narcissism so that you can see that when these behaviors are happening you know what's going on and you can make adjustments accordingly knowledge is power and you need to know what it is that you're dealing with so today I've come up with what I'm referring to as a real life checklist for identifying narcissism I want to go beyond just the the technical definition of narcissism and identify for you 20 different ingredients that can show you that you're probably dealing with a person that has a strong narcissistic bent because it's a long list what I've done is I've written an article and I've posted it on surviving narcissism die TV and so rather than getting lost in all of these 20 things I'm going to mention so you go there and you can pick up on that article and we're going to have all 20 of these listed there and it's got the same title as as the other video that we have here so let's get right to it 20 real-life on elements that tell you that you're dealing with a narcissist number one they're public self and private self do not match which is a nice way for me to say narcissists can be phony they may be charming on the outside but behind the scenes you know them to be something very difficult different they can be very difficult and and not at all what they want other people out there to think of them to be number two loyalty is superficial at best at least their loyalty toward you in other words they think of you as someone who's utile as long as you serve a function for them they're okay but once you stop serving the function in other words you don't give them supply you're out the door number three narcissus cannot admit mistakes in fact they keep repeating the same mistakes over and over and it's like any time you try to confront them the their responses you don't know what you're talking about if I if you interpret something as a mistake it's because of something you did or someone else did so they blame and they they shift the the focus on to other individuals number four there can be lots of unsolicited advice by the way I have a little formula and I use unsolicited advice equals criticisms narcissus narcissists are critics they are watching you trying to figure out what you've done wrong recently and they're not at all bashful about letting you know what you've done that doesn't please them number five introspective thinking is virtually non-existent they're not the kind of individuals that think you know am i and what is it that prompts me to be the way that I am they're they they live behind a false self they live with a mask on and so for them to introspect would mean that have to be honest about their fears and their insecurities and many of the hurts that they have experiences like oh I don't need to look at all that kind of stuff and so they they have an exterior that's very thick that prompts them to do anything but look truly in an honest way of who they are number six they can make many confidence intended to remind you of your obligations in other words they have an agenda and they're not at all bashful about trying to fit you on to that agenda they have favorite words like supposed to and have to and must and you'd better you need to things like that number seven have a strong inclination to other people and by that I mean they put people in categories and it may be your race or your gender or your lifestyle preferences or your belief systems or your interests and habits and if you match pitch then okay you're in my club and if you don't you're just somebody I'm just going to dismiss thinking in terms of how we can learn from one another and actually gain because of our diversity is something that they just don't want to bother with it threatens them because it means that they're they're not the the ultimate special person they don't want to consider you to be someone that they can learn from number eight they nurse idealize fantasies now many times they they want to be the best and so they can get caught up in materialism and they want to have the very best of things even if they can't afford it or if they can't afford it they don't want to be considered as ordinary or an average kind of a person they can have fantasies of wonderful connections which is why they may be prone towards sexual themes whether it's the kind of movies or novels or online kinds of things that they look at they want to be with the beautiful people and they want to be associated with folks who are going to admire and adore them number nine they can be attracted to people or themes or activities that exude power and authority now this explains why many narcissists will try to claw their way to the top of an organization and they like themes like you know smack them down and be the best and be the meanest and be the baddest and just run over people if you have to make people understand that you're the you're the authority it's by oh yeah that's that's real appealing to me that's how you know you're somebody when you can run over people number ten emotional vulnerability is awkward at best with these individuals when it comes time for them to express tenderness or soft and gentle kind of feelings it's like a as for us for people that are emotional weaklings and I don't want to be that they have such a tight need to be in control and to be give the appearance that they're on top of everything vulnerability is very difficult for them number 11 they are quite willing to lie and leave out essential facts when they're talking with you about things and they can become secret keepers to them life is a competition and rather than just having a sense of honesty and openness and trustworthiness they just think you know all I want to do is win over you and truth is expedience whatever I need it to be today number 12 they often use veiled threats have you ever been with a narcissist who said something like you better think twice about what you're going to do now do you understand or they may say something like you better watch your mouth or around me those things are not going to be tolerated and they can have these these kind of threats and you're thinking or else what and it's like just try me try me and it's their way of saying I'm superior and don't you forget that number 13 they can be extreme in the way that they manage money now sometimes they can be extremely tight and very dictatorial in the way that money is meted out other times they can be extremely loose and usually it's in self-indulgence where it's like law whatever I want and that's what I get and I've heard stories of people buying all sorts of lavish things for themselves or being very tight with other individuals about what they can and can I purchase money to them represents power and they want to have power and they want to have Self Indulgence number 14 if you confront the narcissist you'll probably be met with irrational anger narcissus can just have this how dare you mentality if you have an idea that conflicts with them and I'm thinking why is it so threatening that somebody disagrees with you and they just can't take confrontations anger is going to come out either through a openly aggressive or a passive-aggressive way number 15 they are persistently dismissive of other people's feelings narcissists have very strong all-or-nothing black-or-white approach toward life and emotions tend not to fit into black and white slots and therefore since they can't make in our emotions fit then it's like well then forget it if you feel something it's like well I wouldn't have felt that rather than saying well it helped me understand that it's like well then you just have to be you're wrong you're wrong and so they dismiss you number 16 has this ever happen to you narcissus like to steal affirmation from other people let's suppose that you've been given some sort of a reward or a very nice compliment and the narcissus comes along and says well you know I made the whole thing possible and instead of letting you have the limelight for a few moments it's like no I want the limelight over here on me and so they can't really stand for others to be regaled they have to be the one who's who's seen as being the utmost and the best kind of person number number 17 there can be a chronic undertow of frustration and annoyance that they exude have you ever felt like when you're around that narcissists got to be walking on eggshells well am I gonna say the wrong thing today or you know how they get or don't bring up this topic or the last time I was with them they got in a real bad mood you never quite know Quinn or if it's going to happen but at some point you the frustration is going to show up and so you you feel like you're constantly on guard around that person number 18 they have many double standards to them there's not a sense of equality you're different from them so what matters to you or what we're it is required of you that is not required of them I can lie but you can't I can be angry and I can scream but you'd better not do that towards me I can be wasteful but you'd better not be wasteful things like that number 19 narcissists have a very poor comprehension of love to them love equates to conformity now in early times of getting to know you they can love bomb you and they can try to create an idea since where you'll admire them but that's not really love love in the enduring sense involves things like patience and tolerance and acceptance and those are ingredients that narcissists are in short supply of and then number 20 they can have little to no real appreciation for your boundaries let's keep in mind that boundaries means that you've got a definition for who you are and you stay inside of your own definition and the narcissus is thinking no no no no I define you you don't defined you you have to do what I say and so they'll blur those boundaries and try to get inside your world and tell you who you're supposed to be they don't respect your right and your freedom to be you so there you have it those are twenty real life ingredients or indicators that says you're dealing with a narcissistic person two thoughts on that number one make sure that as you see those characteristics in them that those are characteristics that you yourself are willing to examine and make sure are not going to be predominant in your personal life number two when you do see these kind of ingredients I recognize you're dealing with a pretty unhealthy person by the way just so you know if an individual has ten or more of these 20 indicators that's not a good sign if they have 15 or more then that's an indication that says you're in with a very very toxic kind of person and this is a relationship that is not going to go very well at all so I hope that you having these real-life indicators of what narcissism looks like an app plays out it can help you decide how you're going to live and who you're going to attach to or not so that you can have a life of cleanness and goodness now I mentioned that we have a website surviving narcissism TV Gus likes that website he's not only on that pictures of him we probably should right now it's just I gave my bath this weekend so I'm to be okay but anyway we do have an article that has the title for this for this video so I hope you can go avail yourself to surviving narcissism TV if you'd like to talk with somebody online I know some of you would prefer having some counseling with people from the comfort of your own home we've vetted a group of individuals who can help you out with that we have a link that you can go to with respect to that and if you would like to have some at home online testing for hormonal imbalances due to some of the stress that you're under now because of living with a difficult people we have links that can help you with that in addition we have links to my online workshops my books and even coffee mugs I just know it's my desire for you to be an informed person information and knowledge is power and I want you to take the power on yourself to say I'm going to live in healthiness I'm on Team healthy and if this individual wants to take me to a entirely different place thanks but no place I'm sticking with my determinations to be a reasonable individual [Music]

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 432,789

Keywords: narcissism, Symptoms of narcissism, Narcissistic personality disorder, what is a narcissist, anger, dr. les carter, anxiety, narcissism test, narcissist checklist, a real life checklist for identifying narcissism, narcissism checklist, narcissist test, Surviving Narcissism, Dr. Carter, how to spot a narcissist, narcissistic relationship, Laura Charanza, checklist, personality checklist, identify narcissism, identify a narcissist, how to talk to a narcissist

Id: h4gc8VNAbMc

Length: 14min 8sec (848 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 17 2020