Sticks and Stones: Gun Control Law || Dave Chappelle

and it made her like we weren't arguing but you know what i mean she's just like you need to stop doing that and then i try to change the subject oh how is school going boys and my sons tell me well we didn't have school today technically i'm like what's going on he said well there was like a school shooting drill i never heard of this you know what this is they have drills that they make kids do uh where they practice what to do if somebody comes to shoot up their school i never heard that before i was like what the [ __ ] then i had to tell my sons the truth i don't want to tell them this [ __ ] son son listen to me [ __ ] that drill if somebody comes to your school and wants to shoot it up i'm just gonna be honest with you you probably gonna get shot [ __ ] i'm just being real you got a famous dad i talk a lot of [ __ ] they gonna be gunning for you little buddy just stay low and run in a zigzag pattern and don't try to save anybody son do you understand me [Applause] why would you have kids rehearse for some [ __ ] they have no control of all you're doing is training these kids to worry it's the stupidest drill i've ever heard of and while you're in there training them during these drills well aren't you training the shooter too this nigga's in here listening and learning like the other kids sitting in the back where are we supposed to meet [Applause] if you're a parent this [ __ ] is terrifying this [ __ ] is real scary all the parents is looking at each other crazy because we know as parents that one of us is raising the shooter just don't know which one of us it is all we know for is that if you're a white parent the chance is that it's you exponentially higher than the rest of us shooting up school is a white kids game it's [ __ ] crazy you know i hated school too it never occurred to me kill everybody in school it's [ __ ] crazy just do what i did [ __ ] try some things have you skipped school [ __ ] skip school take a walk and meet some other kids [ __ ] school [ __ ] try drugs have you tried drugs out [ __ ] some scary [ __ ] i've given this a lot of thought i don't see any peaceful way to disarm america's whites [Applause] there's only one thing that's going to save this country from itself same thing that always saves this country from itself and that is african-americans right and i know the question that a lot of y'all have in your minds is should we do it yeah [ __ ] yeah we should do it listen no matter what they say or how they make you feel remember this is your country too it is incumbent upon us to save our country and you know what we have to do this is a [ __ ] election year we got to be serious every able-bodied african-american must register for a legal firearm that's the only way they'll change the law i hate guns personally i can't stand them yeah but i have several i don't want them but i feel like i need them don't forget where i live i live in ohio and anyone that knows anything about ohio knows it even the word ohio as an old native american word it means literally a land of poor white people and i don't know what's going on down here but in my experience uh poor white people love and i mean they [ __ ] love heroin they can't seem to get enough of it i didn't even know what i was looking at at first i was just driving like why are all these white people so sleepy out here do you think it's really bad and that fact i was coming out of nightclub the other night in dayton and i'd park my car in the alley and no one was out there i didn't have no bodyguards or nothing i was home i figured everything was fine and as soon as i opened my car door all by myself suddenly one of these heroin addicted whites just popped out of a trash can and scared the [ __ ] out of me i screamed and then i realized it was a woman she was [ __ ] up she's like hey man hey man relax okay i'm sick alright i need some drugs man please i'll suck your dick for five dollars in the end i was like two [Applause] obviously i'm joking this opioid crisis is a crisis i see it every day it's as bad as they say it's ruining lives it's destroying families sadly you know what it reminds me of seeing it reminds me of us these white folks look exactly like us during the crack epidemic you know it's really crazy to see and all this [ __ ] they talk about on the news about how divided the nation is i don't believe it i feel like nowadays we're getting a real good look at each other it's why because i even have insight into how the white community must have felt watching the black community go through the scourge of crack because i don't care either hang in there whites just say no what's so hard about that [Applause] remember when y'all said that to us but it's okay there's no grudges now you finally got it right once it started happening to your kids you realize it's a health crisis these people are sick they are not criminals they are sick be that as it may i'm armed to the teeth first gun i bought was a 12-gauge shotgun i didn't want the gun remember though i moved to a farm and i was sitting there on the porch and i see a white dude walking across my property entitled like he's supposed to be there he had a rifle over his shoulder too ain't that a [ __ ] i said what the [ __ ] is this guy doing on my property i was mad as [ __ ] but i was unarmed so i ended up just waving to this [ __ ] like a [ __ ] and as soon as he got far enough away i ran to my car and sped to kmart this is in a rural white area and remember i was nervous because a guy was on my property i'm black and i was sweating you know what i mean and i ran to the gun counter black and sweaty sweating and black and i looked up and i look like a slave or something i said i need a gun immediately like that just like that the guy didn't answer no questions he just grabbed a 12 game shotgun handed it to me i never even held a gun before i'm not a dummy i'm like well i need i need some bullets too and a guy reaching the counter put two box of shells on the counter he said all right buddy which box do you want i didn't know one box had pictures some ducks on it the other box had a picture of some deer i said well what's that box with them ducks he's oh that there's bird shot and then it goes just like this i'm not exaggerating goes that won't kill a man he said it'll just pepper him up nicely i said what the [ __ ] pepper you know what it means to peppa [ __ ] up it means that when the shell explodes hot bbs will shoot out of the barrel of the gun not killing a [ __ ] but penetrating their skin and shallow flesh boy that's gotta hurt hot babies remember when dick cheney shot a [ __ ] face and he lived that was bird shot i said well what's that box with the deer on it he goes oh that there's buckshot gotta put a hole in the goddamn truck if you wanted to

Channel: Dave Chappelle Stand-Up

Views: 3,976,491

Rating: 4.7761474 out of 5

Keywords: dave chappelle, dave chappelle sticks and stones, stand up comedy, dave chappelle stand up, comedy, equanimity, sticks and stones, dave, chappelle, comedian, dave chappelle netflix, Best of Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, The Age of Spin: Dave Chappelle, The Age of Spin, Age of Spin, the age of spin dave chappelle, age of spin dave chappelle, Deep in the Heart of Texas, The Bird Revelation, Sticks and Stones, Dave Chappelle Sticks and Stones, Gun Control Law

Id: O6FrmB81bRU

Length: 10min 8sec (608 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 07 2020