GOOD EVENING,
AND WELCOME TO THE FIRST AND MAYBE ONLY RACIAL DRAFT
HERE IN NEW YORK CITY. FOLKS, THIS IS FOR
ALL THE MARBLES. WHAT HAPPENS HERE WILL
STATE THE RACIAL STANDING OF THESE AMERICANS
ONCE AND FOR ALL. THAT'S RIGHT. AND THE CROWD IS HERE
TO SUPPORT THEIR RACES. WELL, ROB, SOME OF
THE BIGGEST NAMES IN SPORTS AND IN ENTERTAINMENT
ARE ON THE LINE TONIGHT. AND I'M EXCITED TO SEE WHO'S
GONNA BE DRAFTED BY WHICH RACE. SEATED BEHIND ME
ON THE STAGE THERE, ARE THE VARIOUS
REPRESENTATIVES. AND, BELIEVE IT OR NOT THE BLACKS HAVE ACTUALLY
WON THE FIRST PICK. WOW, THAT'S THE FIRST LOTTERY
A BLACK PERSON'S WON IN A LONG TIME, BILLY. YES, AND THEY'LL
PROBABLY STILL COMPLAIN. ( chuckling together ) MAN, FUCK YOU. WELL, THE BLACK
REPRESENTATIVE IS HEADING FOR
THE MICROPHONE NOW, WHY DON'T WE
TAKE A LISTEN. WE OF THE BLACK
DELEGATION... CHOOSE TIGER WOODS. ( cheering ) ( Rob )
NO SURPRISES THERE,
FELLAS. THE RICHEST AND MOST
DOMINANT ATHLETE IN THE WORLD. HIS FATHER BLACK,
HIS MOTHER THAI. WELL, THAT
DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE BECAUSE NOW HE IS
OFFICIALLY BLACK. DAVE, THE ASIANS
HAVE GOT TO BE UPSET. ( Dave )
THERE'S NO QUESTION
ABOUT THAT, ROB. BUT YOU GOTTA
THINK ABOUT IT. HE'S BEEN DISCRIMINATED
AGAINST IN HIS TIME, HE'S HAD DEATH THREATS,
AND HE DATES A WHITE WOMAN. SOUNDS LIKE
A BLACK GUY TO ME. TIGER'S TAKING
THE STAGE NOW, AND IF YOU ASK ME,
HE'S LOOKING BLACKER ALREADY. AH, I'D LIKE TO SAY, A TREMENDOUS
OPPORTUNITY FOR ME. TO FINALLY BE PART OF A RACE
AND HAVE A HOME. I'VE BEEN SO CONFUSED
IF I'M HALF ASIAN, SO MANY THINGS. SO LONG, FRIED RICE,
HELLO FRIED CHICKEN. I LOVE YOU GUYS ! ( cheers & applause ) AH, I ALWAYS WANTED TO
SAY THIS... FOR SHIZZLE. HA HA. WELL, IT SEEMS AS THOUGH TIGER WOODS
IS HAPPY TO BE BLACK AND THAT'S A GOOD THING BECAUSE I JUST
RECEIVED WORD THAT HE LOST
ALL HIS ENDORSEMENTS. OOH, THAT'S A TOUGH ONE. OH, AMEX, TAG HEUER,
WHEATIES THE WHOLE SHEBANG-A-BANG. TOUGH BREAK, NIGGA,
THERE'S ALWAYS FUBU. ALL RIGHT,
COMING UP NOW ARE THE JEWS. MANY HAVE SPECULATED
ABOUT THEIR PICK. BUT I'M GUESSING
THEY'RE GONNA PICK MADONNA AND FINISH OFF THE JOB
KABBALAH STARTED. YES, WELL, ROB, SHE WAS
BORN AND RAISED CATHOLIC THEN SHE BECAME A WHORE, BUT OVER THE LAST DECADE
SHE HAS STUDIED THE KABBALAH. AND SHE EVEN WROTE
A KABBALAH CHILDREN'S BOOK. ( Dave )
OH, HERE COME THE JEWS. WHY DON'T WE TAKE
A LOOK DOWNSTAIRS. TODAY,
WE, THE JEWISH PEOPLE TAKE... LENNY KRAVITZ. WOW, IN A SURPRISE MOVE THE JEWS PICK
LENNY KRAVITZ, FOLKS. HE'S ACTUALLY HALF-BLACK
AND HALF-JEWISH. HIS MOTHER WAS
ON "THE JEFFERSONS", A PIVOTAL SHOW
IN BLACK CULTURE. AND HIS FATHER, A JEW,
WAS HER LAWYER. HEH, COULDN'T MAKE THAT UP. WELL, LENNY IS
ALL JEWISH NOW. UNFORTUNATELY, LENNY CAN'T
MAKE IT HERE TO ACCEPT. HE'S IN MIAMI BEACH. MIAMI BEACH ? WELL, HE MUST HAVE GOTTEN THAT
NEWS ABOUT BEING JEWISH EARLY. HA HA HA... ( Dave )
ALL RIGHT,
THE LATINS ARE UP NOW. WHY DON'T WE ALL TAKE AN
ESCUCHA TO THEIR PICK. WE, THE LATINOS,
CHOOSE... ELIAN GONZALEZ. I DON'T UNDERSTAND
THAT ONE. WE WANTED TO DO THIS
BEFORE THE WHITE PEOPLE TRY TO ADOPT HIM AS
ONE OF THEIR OWN... AGAIN. ( loud cheering ) OKAY... GUESS
WHO'S TURN IT IS ? WHITE PEOPLE. LET'S SEE WHAT DIRECTION
THEY GO IN. HALLE BERRY
IS STILL AVAILABLE, AS IS MARIAH CAREY'S
CRAZY ASS. ( coughing )
CRACKER... THAT'S VERY MATURE,
RONDELL. THANK YOU ALL,
GOOD AFTERNOON.
( booing ) EXCUSE ME. ( clears throat )
PARDON ME. HEY, WILL YOU
CUT THE MALARKEY ? OKAY, I'M TALKING. THERE'S A WHITE MAN
TALKING UP HERE ! SILENCIO ! ( booing continues ) UNGOWA ! THANK YOU--
DAMN IT. WE, THE WHITE DELEGATION, ARE VERY PROUD TO ANNOUNCE
OUR PICK THIS YEAR, COLIN POWELL ! WHAT ? COLIN POWELL
IS NOT WHITE. HE'S NOT EVEN
AN EIGHTH WHITE. HE'S 100% BLACK. LAST I HEARD. WOW, I GOTTA WONDER
HOW THE BLACKS ARE GONNA BE
TAKING THIS ONE. ( Rondell )
WE, THE BLACK DELEGATION, ACCEPT THE WHITE DELEGATION'S
OFFER TO DRAFT COLIN POWELL, ON THE CONDITION THAT THEY
ALSO ACCEPT CONDOLEEZZA RICE AS A PART OF THE DEAL. BY THE POWER INVESTED IN ME,
BY WHITE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE WE ACCEPT. YOU GOT YOURSELF
A GODDAMN DEAL. ( cheering ) THE BLACK DELEGATION
REQUESTS EMINEM. WAIT A GODDAMN MINUTE,
RONDELL, THAT'S NOT
PART OF THE BARGAIN. I'M HUSTLING, BABY. ALL RIGHT, WELL,
NO HUSTLING ME. YOU'RE TALKING TO
THE ULTIMATE HUSTLER. I TELL YOU WHAT. LET'S MAKE ALL THINGS FAIR,
WE KEEP EMINEM... YOU GET O.J. SIMPSON. YEAH ! ( Dave )
INCREDIBLE ! A FIRST ROUND ABSOLUTELY
CHOCK FULL OF SURPRISES. UNBELIEVABLE, COLIN POWELL
AND CONDOLEEZZA RICE NOW OFFICIALLY WHITE. O.J. BLACK AGAIN. WHAT A DAY. YOU KNOW,
IF WHITE PEOPLE KNEW THEY WERE GONNA GET AWAY WITH
PICKING A BLACK PERSON, I BET THEY
WOULD HAVE PICKED OPRAH. OH, WELL,
ABSOLUTELY, ROB. THICK THIGHS,
NO FELONIES, SHE DEFINITELY WOULD HAVE
BEEN A GREAT PICKUP. OKAY, THE CHINESE DELEGATION
IS UP NEXT. ALTHOUGH THEY'RE THE LAST, THEY'VE BEEN WAITING WITH
ZEN-LIKE PATIENCE. MY GUESS IS YAO MING. HE'S BEEN SPENDING
A LOT OF TIME WITH BLACKS LEARNING SLANG AND
SHIT-TALKING. IF THEY'RE NOT CAREFUL,
THEY MIGHT LOSE HIM. THE ASIAN DELEGATION
CHOOSES... THE RZA, THE GZA, U-GOD INSPECTAH DECK,
GHOSTFACE KILLAH, THE WU-TANG CLAN ! ( Dave )
OH, MY GOD ! OH, MY GOD ! BUT I HAVE JUST HEARD IT
WITH MY OWN TWO EARS. THIS IS, BY FAR,
THE BIGGEST UPSET OF THE NIGHT. THE CHINESE DELEGATION
PULLING A FAST ONE AND CHOOSING
THE ENTIRE WU-TANG CLAN. BROOKLYN ! THIS IS BIG BOSS,
YORKERS. WE ALWAYS BEEN
A FAN OF THE KUNG FU AND THE CHINESE CULTURE,
AND SHIT. SO, YO,
IT'S LIKE BONG-BONG, YOU KNOW. YEAH, I WANNA REMIND EVERYBODY
TO, UM, DIVERSIFY YOUR BONDS. RZA GOT
AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE. OH, YEAH, OL' DIRTY
HAS NOW CHANGED HIS NAME FROM "DIRT McGIRT", TO "THE OLD DIRTY
CHINESE RESTAURANT". ( chanting )
WU-TANG, WU-TANG, WU-TANG.. KONICHIWA, BITCHES. FOLKS, THANKS FOR JOINING US
ON THIS INCREDIBLE NIGHT. OUR COVERAGE ENDS HERE, BUT BE SURE TO CATCH
THE REST ON OUR WEBSITE. CONGRATULATIONS
TO ALL THE RACES. AND KONICHIWA, BITCHES.
“And they’ll probably still complain.” “Man, fuck you.”
"....The black delegation requests Eminem."
"Now wait just a god damn minute Rondel!"
Love Bill Burr
Would you cut the Malarkey, there is a white man talking up here!
I’ve always wanted to say this, “for-shizzle!”
"Very mature Rondell"
Everyone but the latino's drafted Blacks.
The latinos wanted just to claim their own.
Best little joke imo.
WU TANG WU TANG
Can't believe he predicted tiger woods...