- I was at home when my son busted in and he said, "Dad, Dad, I need $250." He's only 12 years old so I freaked out. "What's going on nigger? "Somebody trying to kill you?" (audience laughing) He said, "No, no. "Kevin Hart's coming to town
and I wanted to see his show." I said, "Well, how much are the tickets?" He said, "They're $125." I said, "God damn, mine are only $80!" (audience laughing) I said, "Why do you need $250 then?" He goes, "Because I want to
go with you, Dad, please?" And there it is. So I took him to the show. And we go sit right up
front, the lights go down, and one opening act after another goes on. Then Kevin takes the stage,
crowd goes fucking nuts. Thousands of people! I was furious. (audience laughing) The longer the show went
on, the madder I got. Because his show was fucking outstanding. It was maddening. These people fucking
holding their stomachs, my son was slapping his knee. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ugh, nigger, I do this too. (audience laughing) Kevin says good night,
the crowd goes crazy, and then everyone starts
walking towards the door, and the lights come on. And then my son is just standing there looking at an empty stage. People are pushing past me
and nobody's recognized me, and I'm like, "Man, this
place fucking sucks!" (audience laughing) I said, "Come on son,
lets get out of here." And then my son looks
back at me and he says, "Dad, please, please, I have to meet him." I was like, "Oh my God." So I took him back stage. I've known Kevin for years, but can you believe I was scared to knock on his dressing room door? I almost, "Son, I haven't seen
him or a long time, but I," (knocking) And one of Kevin's goons opens the door. "Hey what's up Dave Chappelle,
what are you doing, man? "It's good to see ya brother, "what are you doing in this area? "This is a terrible area." "Yeah, actually I live around here. "Listen, um, (audience laughing) "is Kevin here? "My son just wanted to
meet him real quick." "Well, I don't know, 'cause
Kevin's about to eat dinner." Just then, Kevin came around
the corner to see who it was. "Oh shit, what's up Dave? "Come on back, I was just
about to have dinner. "I don't know if you guys ate, "but you're welcome to
join me if you'd like." And then my son pushed past
with some cold shit, he goes, "Actually, Mr. Hart, we haven't
eaten in several hours." (audience laughing) Man, Kevin took us into his back room, this guy had a fucking
spread, it was Tuesday night, this mother fucker was
having Sunday dinner! It was steaks, chops, corn
with butter all over it. My son was eating all
fast and embarrassing me, I was like, "Slow down, son!" (audience laughing) Then I looked over in the
corner, there was a box. Custom made jerseys for the local team. Each one was hand-stitched, and on the back they
stitched on them K Hart, on all of them. Kevin saw me staring at that box, and he went over and
grabbed one of them jerseys and he walked right to my son and said, "Hey little man, I want you to have this." And my son was like, "Thanks, Mr. Hart." This is when I got mad. He goes, "If your father ever
makes you mad, put that on." And he walked off. (audience applauding) Oh, that was some cold shit. And then I realized, looked
up what Kevin made on Google, I couldn't believe that shit. Kevin is the first comedian that a Drake song could be about. Kevin could walk around
the house and sing "All Me" and the whole song would still be true. ♪ Got everything, I got everything ♪ ♪ I cannot complain, I cannot ♪ ♪ I don't even know how
much I really made ♪ ♪ I forgot, it's a lot ♪ ♪ Fuck that, never mind what I got ♪ And his wife be like, "Kevin come to bed." And he'd be like, "Ho, shut the fuck up,
I got way too much." (audience laughing) You know how much money you have to have to tell a girl to shut the fuck up? I have quite please money at best. (audience laughing) I have to take a loan
out for shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, that's Jay-Z money. And Beyonce got no, you shut the fuck up.
Comedy God.
he legit killed it once again