Should I go back? | Talks with Tony

hey hey tony guys here popping in for another episode of talks with tony now i'm not sure how long each video will be but what i'll probably do is what i'm planning to do is maybe if i shoot something i'll do one letter at a time and i'll just schedule them out um some for the same day some for the next day so make sure like after you hit the subscribe button that you see like the little bell to be notified of when the video is released now this one looks like a decent length single space hi tony my name is will keeper anonymous i'm 24 years old and i live in houston texas i have two babies a two-year-old and 11 month old with 28 year old ex-fiancee we were together for about six years and engaged for almost three of those years two months ago he broke up with me and i moved out of our apartment and went back to live with my parents the first three years of dating we both were immature and i didn't know a lot of things that i know now i was very insecure so was he and i didn't love myself so i put up with a lot of things i shouldn't have in 2017 after the second third breakup he begged for me back and proposed i said yes and then not too long after we moved in together and had two children back to back just a couple months ago at the beginning of this year i found out that over the course of our entire engagement which was basically during both pregnancies he was on multiple dating apps when i confronted him it had already been a few months since he stopped getting on them i could see the regret and sorrow he had once he realized i found out i knew he was sorry but the only thing is that i have also always noticed he keeps in touch with a lot of girls that he worked with he's a manager at a retail store in the mall from time to time i would notice him talking to the same girls he used to work with through texting or dm on instagram he's a very outspoken and social person but sometimes i feel like he shouldn't be communicating so much with other women so-called friends so much if he is committed to me we've had very bad arguments and he says part of the reason he left is because it was too toxic and overwhelming which is true for me too there have been many times where i was out of control during an argument which i now regret since i have moved back with my parents i have been doing everything i can to move on better myself and deepen my relationship with god something i neglected while in the relationship we see each other almost every other day because of our work schedule so the kids go back and forth from my house to his apartment recently we have spent time together again we went out to eat and i have been in his new apartment a few times we have worked together we have worked together to plan our daughter's birthday party recently and now planning our sons i told him that i forgive him and i'll and i let all my anger go he says he's also sorry for everything and that he misses me and if it's possible that we can start all the way over he said he just can't take all the arguing i'll admit i always argue with him in the past i feel like i'm backtracking but he definitely holds a place in my heart and i'm just confused i'm not sure if he'll really change but i want to believe that he can my only doubt is that it took us this long to get to this point and after everything i'm not really sure if we will ever work but deep down i feel like i'll always want us to sorry for the long email there is so much more to the story that i can't fit it all in here i also want you to know that your videos have helped me in more ways than i can ever explain and i thank you and i can't thank you enough for the time you take making them god bless you and your beautiful family sent from my phone god bless you now where you got your iphone lord moving in your life let me see now 24 years old 24 two babies two-year-old and eleven-year-old with a 28 year old ex-fiancee so four years apart six years together so from about 18 for you 22 for him engaged almost three of those years so 21 for you um 25 for him okay hmm um 2017 you wrote me this 2020 so minus six that's 2014 2017 after the second and third breakup he begged for me back and proposed so right there that's what we're gonna look at now that's what you have to realize when you look at a couple when you think about a relationship what you have to understand is that a relationship is a marathon it's a long long journey and yes you will have disagreements you will have arguments you will fall out you know you'll go through some things and uh you you gonna deal with that hey buddy how you doing daddy's shooting the video that's a package for daddy okay get that 10 watch a step now let me see what that is okay all right okay this this more my guy sent me some of the shirts you know the shirts that say be ready on it and say be ready be something um i don't know the website [Applause] okay yeah all right who's safe now this just not happened now this just so happened so god give him a look promotion what to say be ready be prepared be legendary this is made by one of the assistant coaches of baylor men's basketball who just won the national championship let me tell you a bible verse yeah 10 minute bible verse and you tell the people too okay what you had to eat patty and we prayed this in order that you may live a worthy life [Music] for of the lord colossians 1 10. good job buddy behind five that was great thank you pray that you a little worthy life for the lord thank you i love you i got to learn the scripture a little later what's up buddy you got jeans on um so you got wet jeans okay and i had to wear them for student council okay because in the morning we were giving out the stamps and the okay you had to pay the three dollars to wear the teeth oh yeah i guess um sometimes you have to pay it sometimes you don't but today we had to pay because it was for the no more thing no more it's like no more it's for kids and fosters foster care okay and there's also for like no more like slavery yeah trafficking right wow wow so that's what it was for and then a ton of people donated like every person that played for jeans day donated three extra dollars oh i think like minimum and more yeah and some people were like donating 20s and stuff wow okay so it's a big day for donations yeah okay i like i'll be down soon my boys just got home from school so sometimes you know they walked by the office to say hey and i have to sometimes tell them if i'm right in the thick of things i just put my finger up let them know i'm shooting but if it ain't too you know going two sears then uh you know i got to holla at my boys and i ain't finished starting no video over and be shooting all over again now everything got to be in the flow so sometimes y'all just have to be welcome to my life you know just how i go now listen this what you got to understand so 14 years in to me and my wife marriage if i could be honest with you i it feel like a year and four months some days it feel like we've been together 14 days and a lot of times people don't believe that people be like oh you lying oh that ain't how that feel i i remember a long time ago i said i still get butterflies on date night and some you lie you don't get no butterflies on date night and i literally was telling the truth but this is the thing in order to make it 60 years in order to make it 70 years like we got married my wife was 20. i had just turned 23 we two and a half years apart so if the lord blessed me to live till 90 and i got married at 23 20 to 90 that's 70 years minus 3 that's 67 years that i would have been married to my wife when i turned 90. so in order to get to 67 years you gotta it gotta be smooth in the beginning like it got to be like y'all got to be on a marathon see when you want to sprint that's that's quick well see when you own a marathon that's a long thing so like if you think about conditioning your for your relationship you have to be emotionally and mentally and spiritually conditioned so it's like when you run a marathon marathon runners don't get tired in the first mile in the second mile in the third mile no they it'll start to beat them up maybe the 13th mile you know maybe the ninth mile for the ones who run 26 miles but they fully healthy they gonna be 13 mile boom it's halfway we good yeah they gonna feel it now they feel it but stuff gonna start to just kind of go numb or level up 15 17 20 20 miles 21 mile 22 miles you see what i mean so in your relationship if you get to the three year mark and you don't broke up three times you're in a sprint and you're gonna sprint it past the point you were supposed to sprint to so now you're starting to break down you put usain bolt who is a sprinter you put him in a mile race he gonna start to feel it lap two he don't even do the 800 he do the 100 and the 200. you put him in a in a 800 he's gonna start to feel it yeah he run 800 to get in shape you put but guess what the people who are amazing at the 800 they run a mile to get in shape they run 345 800s in one day to get in shape for that one 800. the people who run three miles and they training throughout the week they running eight mile days five miles at the minimum because they got to get to five miles eight miles ten miles to make three miles feel easy so what you have to realize in a relationship if you breaking up over and over and over again you had three breakups by the third year you didn't went past your sprint you was in a sprint with this person and now you can pass that and that's why your body breaking down that's why the relationship is breaking down now this what you have to understand see when it come to men what men gonna do every time we get you back we're gonna be a little better than time before every time we get you back and so after getting you back for a second time now it's a game now it's a game now it's a challenge that first time could be a genuine break up because it's like you getting to know each other you get somebody back again you get them back that second time y'all break up again for the second time and then you get them back a third time now you coming back on your third try now it's a game nice a challenge nice jazz okay wow let me see what my game at so guess what a dude gonna do if a man is with you and he is y'all casual y'all casual no title and you cut him off if he gets you back the next time he gets you back he's gonna give you a title if y'all go some six months a year you break up again the next time he gonna ask you to marry him y'all go a little bit further y'all break up again the next time he gonna actually marry you or when he asks you to engage he gonna get you pregnant so that's what men do when we grown boys i was still a grown boy with my wife when i met her and so being that we broke up after the first two three months that second time we got back together we we were sleeping together and we were sleeping together unprotected so in my head i was like man she a wife so if she get pregnant like i'm cool with it because she a wife but that baby add a whole nother element if i didn't have plans to become an actual good man then guess what she would have been pregnant and then we would have been co-parenting but to god be the glory i had plans of being her husband and being a good man but when you dealing with grown boys what's going to happen is he gets you pregnant boom baby number one don't marry you get you pregnant again boom baby number two what my daddy called barefoot and pregnant be so now he keeping you barefoot and pregnant and now you got two babies and you still ain't got no rain but what he doing is boo engage get you a little more than he gave you the time before to make it look real all right come on boo he'll go baby up now you trap for life now you will be seen as to the world this this the world perception of damaged goods that is how these men who doing these strategies that's what they gonna say that's what they're gonna call you and those are the people that men are listening to there's very few men that's listening to me who talking with some sense and bringing a balanced approach the men that most men listening to is gonna call you damaged good they're gonna say you have lower value because you have a baby but one child is not too much to handle you still could get you a good man and your child just fit right on into the flow of things boo pregnant again baby number two now now is he just double what you all the what you already felt like you was carrying baggage from him now you got baby number two your baby is a blessing but him as a grown boy he know that you're gonna be meeting grown boys and he know that although your babies are blessings to you to the grown boys you're gonna be meeting your babies will be baggage so now he know you will be less desirable to majority of men there will be men who are mature but what that those mature mean men what that means is now you got a date at a higher clip now you got to you know meet three guys a month to 10 guys a month when you going out and about and you moving and shaking now you got to meet more guys because you got to get through the grown boys to get to the real man now this this the short and skinny of it and it ain't easy to hear and i know that you want to hear fairy tale and i know you want me to lie to you like a lot of people gonna lie to you i know you want to hear something that just oh peaches and cream and full of roses and just oh oh you got two kids that don't matter at all that does not matter the man for you gonna love you and that's true but that don't mean it's gonna be easy to meet that man that don't mean you're not gonna have to that you're not gonna kiss nine toes nine frogs before you meet prince charming so as a grown boy that's what he knows that's why he's putting that thing in you like that raw dog and gone ahead and on in you because he know that the world has made it a man's world meaning that no that's not the truth but that's the way the world has positioned it so what that means is he know he could just break up with you and now you stuck with the two children while he and you stuck with the two children and you moving back to your parents house and he out here free and clear in his own apartment could be well willie nearly wang elaine dangle lane bringing in all the women to his apartment on the days that he know you not coming over or going to their apartment but yet he know you bald you ball down taking care of two young ones you got two and the oldest is two years old the youngest is 11 month old now to god be the glory you're living with your parents but that is a hand full we can't act like that's easy now if you had a eight-year-old seven-year-old eight-year-old with 11 month old that seven eight-year-old be helping you out a little bit going to get the bottle could hold a baby and feed the baby a little bit like the baby in the in the bassinet or in the rocker and you could take a little 30 minute nap with your seven eight year old sitting there watching cartoon and keeping an eye on the baby and waking you up if the baby get a little cough get a little calling but with a two-year-old that two-year-old ripping and running all over the place want to play throwing balls and letting you 11 month old getting hit in the head with whatever with the two-year-old toys two-year-old don't understand his or her strength it might slap the baby on accident so now you you going full steam ahead unless one of your parents come in and tag team tat bring you on out so now your grown boy that you're sleeping with that you with for six years he knows that so now he didn't deposit off in you boom got you some full time 24 7 responsibilities to keep you stuck to keep you stuck while he get to go out and play the field and look around now listen i know men hate to hit this but this the reality of the situation as a man i hate to say it but that's what we be doing that's what men doing now yeah y'all arguing and all that and yes you admit to argan y'all broke up three times before you got engaged and got pregnant with two kids so y'all arguing for a reason you know why y'all arguing because you're not compatible you're arguing so much to the point that he's stressed out and he leave you with his two kids y'all arguing so much because y'all not compatible y'all not supposed to be together you're trying to force a square in a round hole and so that's why y'all not working out so then boom he ups and leave he up and leave he gone by his business so now he's going by his bi doing his thing and it ain't turn it ain't working out too well for him he really ain't me no whole lot of options that is feeling him on that level so now he got this you know time on his hand so now you come back over there y'all talking you apologize you take and be the bigger person [Music] you apologize you weren't arguing about just by yourself and i'm pretty sure it was a reason why you were arguing unless it was not now if it wasn't if it wasn't no reason why you you damn oh my goodness that piece of paper on the ground i cannot believe this this p-a-p-e-r it's on the ground now you just picking arguments out the sky oh my god this light is in my eye and you just picking arguments then you don't need to be with nobody you need to be in therapy and coaching and working on yourself now if you argue because of the dms you reading and because of the context conversations he having with these women he worked with as the retail store manager then that's reason to be bringing up a little conversation that could turn into an argument and yes as a man who engaged he's not supposed to be having women friends to be texting and dm'ing he crossing the line as an engaged man he's not supposed to be doing that and so here go the thing y'all arguing because he want his freedom he wants you to have your little title and be happy and be complacent that your fiance and let him do what he want to do how he want to do it move how he want to move you calling him i y'all arguing you start an argument so he started arguing y'all arguing at each other he can't do what he want to do how he want to do it that's draining him he break up with you he lead kick you out you go back to your parents house now he free and clearing his place while you got his two kids you become the bigger person and you apologize you apologize then he taken apologize or say he didn't i told him that i forgive him and i let all my anger go [Music] i know you did say no without them two kids in your mom in that house [Music] failure to launch man he over here and he played by himself probably got his co-worker women he dm keep popping up over there ain't no telling what he doing i'm trying to crash that party you got real humble you you got real humble you started to look up and realize you're a single mama forgot everything he didn't did forgot all the reason he gave you to argue all the reason y'all broke up you didn't forget everything because the pressure kicked in that let's go ahead be honest about it now let's be honest about it that pressure kicked in oh man take care of your kid myself oh wow uh yeah y'all kind of trading up and stuff you know y'all going back and forth with a kid he says he's also sorry for everything and that he misses me and if it's possible that we can start all the way over you know what ain't no options out there for him he don't women mean him and and realize he got a baby mama with with two kids and his oldest is two years old oh oh you're degenerate oh you got nothing going on um excuse you say you got two kid technically oh you got two kids okay well you know well it was nice meeting you okay all right you see him that's what he experienced out there in that dating world cause his his two kids too young they too young knife he had him a 10 year old even a uh even a fio that two yo oh no you gotta have a bag on you we gotta have some money you hit me you gotta have some monty hunty if you want you a woman and you don't and you got a two-year-old and eleventh month oh i mean your youngest your oldest two your youngest is 11 months that baby still got um placenta on it 11 month old that baby still got placenta on it so now the women he meeting he thought he'd been having upgrade experience he thought he's going to be first class living no he backed out on i on roll 33 middle seat smelling toilet back there smelling toilet stool he thought he was going to be first class no he god [Music] in the middle seat he's smelling toilet stool and and fumes i don't sat back there on the airplane nah he looking now you looking mighty fine you know what i might as well make it work i might as well make it work with with my ex fiance got two kids i don't need to be a bomb i shouldn't really be a bomb like have two kids on the left up cause i'm thinking alexis wanted me and now let's find her a ken dog and she's gonna run going by her business so now i'm sitting here alone i thought i had an upgrade thought i'm gonna have somebody love me i might go on back to my ex and deal with my two kids see that's typically why the reason why a man come back especially this y'all fourth breakup it's because what he thought the option he was gonna have then dried up and he realized he ain't got no market value so now he want to come get you back so that he has somebody to sleep with so that he has somebody to sleep with on demand but when y'all broke up three times already when you got two young kids and he got the nerve to kick you out his place to let you move out of the place to go back to crawl back to your parents that's a nasty man that man don't love you that man don't love a man who loves you not finna send you back crawling to your mama and daddy house after he done wasted six years of your life y'all broke up three times already going on your third or fourth breakup he didn't put two kids in you they young they can't do nothing for themselves to yo probably barely talking let me start talking about what uh 12 months walking 12 months the youngest is trying to crawl it's dragging his stomach around the ground getting ready unless you got one of them superstar babies that be walking at nine months but you got two little kids and this man let you go back to your parents house see sometimes we got to think about this now you know you stand for oregon for oregon come on now ain't no argument in the world worth putting you out and sending you letting you crawl back to your mama and daddy house now if you don't whip out some on that man and went to trying to fillet them like a fish okay yeah i'm gonna put your butt on not going back to your mom and daddy but now if y'all just hot arguing that's all y'all generation know today all this dog on social media that's all that's y'all communication is an argument so it's like he gonna leave over some argument and then tell me he can't deal with and this here go the key word nah he go to key word because your intuition not gonna lie to you say i feel like i'm backtracking [Music] that's exactly what you're doing that's exactly what you're doing you going by to waste another few years of your life to end up right here where you at because ain't nothing changing his life he ain't met no jesus he ain't got no olive oil on his forehead he ain't in no prayer group he ain't going nobody church he really know about the bible ain't nothing changed in his life you finna be in the same place another three years that's his pattern three years y'all broke up three more years y'all broke up three more year you're off in a breakup because you know why because as a man i could wait i could weigh and see the level i know what type of man i got to be as a man and and think about this as a human what type of person you got to be if you got the tool to deposit the kids into the other person and you let this other person pack their stuff and move out and go back to their parents house to live as a failure to launch living with their parents with your two children that you put in them what kind of mindset and person do you have to be to allow that and see i think a lot of times we we we we gloss over and we look at like oh there ain't no big deal that really ain't no big deal no that's a huge deal that is a huge deal that's a whole lot that's like me right now being the store manager me being the one that's earning the income and me telling my wife i'm tired of this going out going across that street and live in that second bedroom your mama got and i'm stay here by myself what the girl she would have to literally sleep with another man for me to do that she would have to sleep with another man for me to do that if you sleep with no another man you have no time to sleep no another man your body trying to come back together your body is still trying to bounce back from that 11 month old you had no time to entertain you still that poor part in the present you had no time to entertain another man so and if you did you would have put that in that night you said that's a whole lot more to the store listening and telling my whole life much more to the story that came all fit in here now listen what else in that story now what else in that story because this right here is too much this all right here already too much down broke up nine times and and he got two kid and then he let you move out to go stay with your parents come on that's too much that's too much so me personally you going back if you want to go home back if you want to but you got to recognize patterns you got to recognize patterns what has he done different to grow and change see you like a you like a tattoo for him and so what that mean that what that mean is you permanent but the pain the pain only lasts in the act so that's why he says he that's why he says he's also sorry for everything and that he misses me that's because the sting of them arguments didn't die down he didn't realize nah it was just an argument like what am i what like what so now you realize how petty y'all are and now y'all get y'all a little break and now y'all can come back together and he said we could start all over y'all start all over but you're the same two people so you're gonna end up right back where you was arguing again and then he gonna need another break take another break y'all separated for some months and now he healed again just like people get tattooed they get that tattoo too [Music] in a month they ready for another one because the pain from that needle don't went away they get that next one another month they ready for another one because the pain don't went away y'all are being a continual cycle you're gonna have a tattoo all across your face metaphorically speaking [Music] going back and forth back and forth back and forth back and forth you know why because for one six years two kids if y'all was meant to be together he'd have been got on one knee you wouldn't have been no three-year fiance that is a slap in the face to be a three-year fiancee that's a slap in the face you're supposed to be a 12 month fiance if you go past 12 months as a fiance it's time to start sleeping with one eye open that's what you're gonna have to start doing when you get past 12 months you get past 24 months it's time to sleep like this this is how you need to sleep you get past 24 now you come up on 36 months three years all right okay good luck god bless [Music] i hope you got stuck in that company three-year fiance three-year so you almost got an amazing wedding planner is it taking that long to plan the wedding wow this wedding is almost gonna be a million dollar wedding what's it take so long to plan a wedding nothing ain't taking that long playing a wedding y'all ain't got no wedding plan ain't no way i'm coming he think about no wedding all he doing just keep buying time to keep you stuck until he meet the right one when he meet the right one and them kids old enough because he the next time he get ready to leave that oh going to be five years old okay old enough nine that young's gonna be three he gonna meet him somebody that looked good to him but she got a little desperation she might have her one and he'll rather be with her and her one then you and your two because y'all not compatible that's why i taking so long and this what i always see that's what i always coach what i'm always coaching is people that have been together 10 15 years but the relationship was over year two that day was together five years before they got engaged or seven years before they got engaged and then or they was engaged three to five to seven years before they got married when it take that long that's the man telling you he don't want you and i hate to break that to y'all i hate to break that y'all cause it's some of y'all in here in these career engagements in these career dating relationships it's something y'all and i hate to tell you and that man finna be hot with me he man he don't know what he talked about see that's the thing they supposed to be building people up and all they doing to check breaking up household it's just like no i'm saying only reason why i ain't married to you is good i'm not where i want to be financially i want to bring something to the table you know i'm saying i'm still trying to make ends meet i'm going to marry you and i can't even make ends meet i can't even take kill me i'd probably take care of me we can't even take no vacation i'm gonna get married it's like listen y'all already married y'all living together y'all sleeping together that marriage finally add a piece of paper and a covenant before god the courthouse gonna ask you for 99 to sign that piece of paper and the lord ain't gonna ask you for nothing but what the lord gonna do is say okay now you out of sin now you're not shacking up so now i could slightly open this window of heaven over here and just dump out a couple of blessings but i but before the reason why you can't get financially stable young man is because you in sin you living in sin you shacking up what hot god in the mood when god got to turn his head on sin y'all in there with all that tomfoolery and what you got to realize you shaking up then god could see everything else you doing god sees your work wife god i see your instagram wife your facebook wife god see when you sticking your thing in another woman and your woman is none the wiser don't have a single clue and you're hollering by you can't marry her could you financially stable kayn all the way ready you never going to be you never going to be because of how you live in your life that marriage is the one opportunity you got to bring some favor to your life so it's like if you're going to live with it like a wife why not marry her what's the point of shacking up and playing house and not getting married if if she's not good enough to marry then she shouldn't be good enough to live with and to sleep with cause that's all you do as you're married and then he meant oh i don't believe in marriage because men get the short end of the stick you don't have no stick you can barely pay your bills you marrying her is not no come up for her she actually looked stupid for dealing with your butt for 19 years four five years and still ain't got no rain it's frogs hopping down the sidewalk got a rain folks she got a rain it's told that the turkey and the prince charming before she got a ring and you hauling by oh marriage ain't set up for the man to win cuz look up look at michael jordan had to get white 200 million dollars you ain't got two dollars to split what you finna get hurt four quarters come on now come on now you acting like marriage finna really benefit this woman the only thing that's going to do for this woman is allow her to stop looking like a fool in front of her friends and family and to get her out of sin with god that's all he's going to do because if you sorry before she get before she marry you if you talk i ain't got no money for marriage well if you feel that broke busted and disgusted then what is marrying her gonna make you even worse if anything that's gonna make you better it's like come on man that's an excuse but see you talking to a man this ain't bout no finances just because you don't feel like she's the one and you need to stop lying and you need to be straight up with me with her and with yourself and with god good god know it all because listen one thing i know as a man is that i really want my woman to be with me at zero i want my woman to be with me at ground zero so that i know that when we come up she will down with me at the bottom that's really when a real man who want a woman for real want to get married listen my wife the um one of the shoppers from on saks fifth avenue text me today hey you want to surprise your wife with this purse she wrote me last friday said that she liked it you want to surprise her with it yeah ring it up hundred dollars then the lady gonna come back what about the towel 505th at all i said yeah ring it up then she's gonna come back with the strap for the for the bag it's a little beach bag with strap do you want this 900 no too much thank you nah ring up the first two items and don't ask me about nothing else the 1500 that was not in my budget was not planned for but because i love my queen you know why because she was there when we had to take our paycheck pay our bills and have 25 dollars to budget for two weeks of living she was there then so now she can get it all as a real man you really want to know that your woman really love you at the bottom and that's rare to find of any age this 16 year old girl want them a boy with some money want them a boy who get good allowance from his daddy don't let him be 18 she expect him to have a job and a car and a cell phone and looking for apartments at 18. don't let them be 21 she expect to have her a birkin bag today so listen to me you got a woman if you got a woman that's ready and willing to marry you before you got your money right before you got your life all in order when you just over broke j up with your j.o.b just over broke when you just over sorry when you just got done cheating when you have been forgave and caught emotionally cheating no physical cheating time at the time again and then women still want to be married to you that's a prize that is a absolute privilege because she ought not want to touch you with a 10 foot pole but then you want to sit there waiting and i'm telling you why because these men they got stuff spinning on their desk because these men that is talking about some male strategies because these men that's talking about a alpha male and a beta male because these men talking about a red pill and a blue pill because of those men got you sitting here thinking that you is a prize thinking that you is god's gift when you barely could put food on the table and then and then that's your reason for not marrying her because you barely could put food on the table but then you want her to do everything a wife's supposed to do you want her to be sucking and ducking i don't curse and jiving and flipping and tossing you entertaining threesome you're trying to get her to entertain threesome you want her to be watching arnold with you and then emulating what y'all see on the tv you want her to be cooking you want her to be cleaning your drawers got crud in it you know how to wash your drawers your feet look like a dump truck ran across all 10 of your toes want her to be looking at your feet washing your dirty socks you do not like the bays a lady from another country asked me what beige is bathe the bathe b-a-t-h-e but i say base cause just easier you don't like the base you don't like the shower do you brush your teeth twice a day do you have your face washing routine do you take care of your hands and your feet you say i'm saying body it's got a odor on it you coming home dirty sitting on the couch you eating up all the grocery but you a prize because you because you letting undercover brothers sit down and tell you that you high value when these men that's telling you that you high value can't even get no woman and keep no woman can't please no woman they self got all kind of failed relationships failed marriages but trying to convince you that you have value come on now that's what we got as me and we got to be real with ourselves this ain't about pandering to no woman this about what michael jackson told y'all the man in the mirror this ain't got nothing to do with no woman it's about the man in the mirror be real with yourself and make sure that you're in alignment with god and that you're not taking advantage of god's creation because then what god created and now you're using and abuse and manipulating and deceiving how you ever expect for your life to be in order when you taking advantage of god creation ain't nothing gonna go right for you ain't nothing gonna go right for you that's why you like doing bad nine i'm telling you what's on the other side when you marry and faithful it's favor it's favor listen you you don't believe me you don't believe me if a grown boy don't believe me if a grown boy don't believe me listen you get all the collection of men and y'all start a gofundme and y'all get that gofundme to 10 million dollars and y'all name it for tony gaskins to leave his wife get it to 10 million i'ma look at you and turn it down get it to a hundred million i'm gonna look at you and turn it down to god be my witness i'ma look at you and turn it down now get it to a billion now i'm gonna sleep on it but i'm gonna turn you down in the morning i'm gonna turn you down in the morning you know why because that's how blessed and favored i feel i'm gonna be a billionaire that's what i tell myself and you can't convince me otherwise because of the blessings and the peace and the favor so i'm trying to tell y'all y'all out here shacking up you out here dragging this woman along you're afraid to get engaged you're afraid to marry you're afraid to give a title you're afraid to be a man by church but you want her to bend over and do everything for you but you're afraid to be a man by church because you think that you finna lose something in marriage the men who lose in marriage is men who never mature yes you're gonna lose in marriage if you don't learn how to love and respect and cherish and be faithful yeah you're gonna lose and you deserve to lose because her heart is not to be taken for granted her heart is not to be used and abused be why it ain't because a woman is so special and that we need to put her on a pedestal it ain't because of all of that it's because that's god creation and if you want to be in alignment with your creator you got to take care of what he has provided only and kill bugs no more because that's god creation unless he's trying to do me harm yeah i'm saying because that's god creation i'm trying to be uh in alignment with my creator in every aspect of his universe i want to be in alignment with my creator so that everything that is for me he don't hold it back but i know if he created whoa man from me and she not being treated right ain't nothing he could do good in my life come on man this ain't this ain't rocket science this ain't e equal m c squared you know how hard that man had to work to get e equal m c square this is not that this ain't that and that ain't this this ain't rocket science become a real man love this woman cherish this woman love her as unto god you're not loving her because she perfect you're not loving her because her stuff don't stink you're loving her because god commanded you to love her as christ loves the church that's a perfect and pure love that should be your goal i'm still working on it today to stop getting in my feelings to stop waking up on the wrong side of the bed to stop being short to stop having little attitudes to stop talking too direct too firm to stop being too aggressive in my delivery i'm still working on it today to make sure that i ain't too blunt and sharp and then i'd learn how to phrase things so that it could land well so that she feel like i'm speaking to her with love and with purity and with respect and not trying to be demeaning or disrespectful or domineering or controlling or a tyrant or any of the above but that she feels okay this a real man who who telling me how he feel what he see what he need what's on his heart and mind he's shooting shooting it to me straight but with respect with class intact and dignity you see what i'm saying come on man come on all i'm asking is that we be men that's all i'm asking is that we be real man that's all i'm asking and stop making it about the woman male verse female stop making a competition stop making it a battle make it about love as unto god and this what i'm asking the women stop settling stop settling stop putting up and dealing with no good men stop allowing your love to be put on layaway you getting put on up on the shelf collecting dust while he pristine doing his thing running in and out your light in and out your life are you sitting there looking like who shot john and forgot to kill him looking broke busted and disgusted tore up from the floor two ways from sunday flipped upside down like a tornado and a hurricane hit you at the same time sitting there looking concussed and bombast and can't do for yourself because you waiting on a stinking sorry grown boy of a man to give you his hand in marriage when he ain't worth being married to stop cuddling him stop babying him stop reinforcing his grown boy behavior because at that point now you are just as bad as he is now you are a part of the problem you got the lead to be a part of the solution oh well i don't want another woman to get all my hard work he did no hard work he's sorry ain't nobody he got no prize nobody want him and the woman who want him that means she on his level but the only chance he got at learning a life lesson is if you have the dignity the class and the self-respect to get up and to go about your business what did this shirt say go about your business that's the only chance and if he grows and become a great man for the next woman guess what [Music] to god be the glory that he was not your man and just like you prepare him for her somebody preparing your man for you everything gonna come full circle because in this process you gonna grow you're gonna be strengthened you're gonna gain wisdom knowledge understanding experience you're gonna be better for walking away from a grown boy then you will be for coddling him and babying him men got to be left to grow up a man got to believe that you willing to leave him if you want to have any chance at keeping him understand that if a man believed he could do you any kind of way treat you any kind of way and you ain't going nowhere he's never going to change the only reason and the only way a man changes for the better is when he realizes he can lose the things that he is taking for granted this cannot be rocket science this cannot be this hard it can't be i know many are calling few are chosen but the bible says god has no respect of persons meaning that he love us all equally so if i could be 14 years in marriage and be happy be happy you know what my wife asked me today she said baby i'm gonna tell i'm telling you this now i'm telling you so listen to me i want you to kiss me more so do what you got to do because a lot of times people like can you kill i'm like my mouth ain't right like i had my mouth closed too long [Music] just ain't feeling what i'm saying like kissing you she say do what you got to do you got to carry around some bubble gum some some breath strips and i just be talking i'm just real self-conscious you know and so i just don't i be caring about her experience and i'm not the type of person that if i've just been sitting with my mouth clothes and that bacteria and uh even though when i kiss her she's like listen if your breath stink i'll be the first to tell you she's like your breath do not sting okay your brother's not staying she tell me that all the time but i still just be self-conscious and out of respect because i'm gonna smell so much breath in my life that i'd be like all right man listen i never wanna put nobody through that she always tell me about her one of her coaches growing up he'll be smacking on gum and they'd be in the heart of running over the play and everybody just holding their breath they get on the court by the past eye cause they held their breath for the whole time i one of the coaches were talking and so i just don't be one nobody had no bad experience with me but she but that's what so this is what she asked me 14 years in the marriage and it ain't really just it ain't just about me being self-conscious or thinking like oh you know my mom might have a little hint on it but it's also about like just being a man and sometimes just being in that man box and well i might grab some booty and that's good for me but a woman want intimacy so that kiss that that grabbing that boot ain't doing nothing for her they're doing something for me so i have to remind myself and just me sharing real real talk with you the understanding ain't nothing perfect you always growing but what is what what i have to be reminded i said all right now girl you know unleash a bee snap in the bee all day long nah but and i told her but see i say now baby the other issue is kissing is your thing so when i be fully dressed and i'm ready to go and i come kiss you okay can i still get out the house and she look at me crazy so i'm like listen i don't want to be doing nothing that's been how you whoo feeling good and i'm finley you see what i'm saying you feeling hot and ready like little caesar speaking of she got my lusties a gift card that brother sent me to get that off so listen to me but 14 years in that's what we working on and that's what we that's what we're working on and we're working on our parenting growing as parents being better examples being better role models in every way working on love stuff but 14 years in so it's always work to be done so you got to realize everything will come full circle but listen you're going to grow and you're going to learn through this process so if you got to go and you got to chalk up six years of your life and you got two kids with this person but you know it's a dead end going about your business because having two kids with a deadbeat is better than having three it's better than having four having six years that you got to cut your losses is better than having to cut your losses out to 10 after 15 after 20 after 25 like some of the people i'm coaching got to cut their losses after 25 years of being with somebody cut your losses now if you know this is a dead end and if you feel like you backtracking because if you didn't feel like you was backtracking you would be so happy but the reason why you feel like you're backtracking is because you know it's a dead-end relationship go about your business hey there's tony gaston let me get off here for an hour god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 20,117

Rating: 4.9619288 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: vBiA5Hb17Nc

Length: 59min 24sec (3564 seconds)

Published: Wed May 19 2021