Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Having done this for 10 years now, you realize that over time, different things become nostalgic. That's why I'm staring off this Nostalgiaween by asking the question... Is this a thing? I-I-Is this-- It's a thing. In 2004, Cartoon Network premiered an hour-long special called The Scary Godmother, based on the popular kids' book by Jill Thompson. And that's all I know about it. But you millennials kept shoving it in my face, I had no choice but to review it! I have no idea if this is remembered fondly, not fondly, or caused flame wars tearing families apart. A strange part of me hopes for the latter. All I know is that people really want me to review it, so that's what I'm gonna do. I'm going into this completely blind with no clue what to expect. So let's... pun about the special I haven't seen yet here. This is Scary Godmother. As the credits roll, we open to an egg-shaped moon. *gun cocks*
I'm opening fire if this is a Howard the Duck spinoff! And we see the film has an... interesting style, to say the least. OK, am I the only one who thought her boobs were about to shoot me? She moved like the T-1000's nipples were gonna open fire. *gun shots* DAAAH! Yeah, by this point, you're probably thinking, "It's so nice they finally did a kid-friendly version of the Walking Dead games." But this does create an immediate problem. And actually, it CAN be compared to the Walking Dead games. Both are adaptations of drawn works, which they're trying to combine with computer animation, while still trying to simulate hand-drawn lines. I suppose this can work. I mean, it's worked OK in other projects. But here's the problem. Walking Dead knew the characters in the foreground had to have black lines, and the backgrounds had to be smooth and blurred, a tradition done for years so characters in the foreground are the focus. But here, the CHARACTERS are the ones who are smooth and blurred and the backgrounds have the lines. Because of this, everybody looks like the Sunday Afternoon painting, like they're demanding a movement for..... movement. It's a little odd to say the least. Katie: Daryl, are you a piece of candy? Daryl: Yeah! Cool, huh? NC: Kid, you're scary just the way you are. Your sunken-in dot eyes are gonna haunt my nightmares. This is Katie and Daryl. They're waiting on their friend Bert to show up to go trick-or-treating. Daryl: Got enough room in your trunk for all the candy we'll get? DO YOU HAVE- Bert: Lemme roll down the window. Ah, that's better. Daryl: Sweet ride! NC: Lame joke and weird segue, but sweet ride! Last but not least, their friend Jimmy shows up. Jimmy: Speak of the devil, and the devil shall appear! RAWR! Daryl and Bert: Cool! NC: (as Daryl) That almost made me grow irises in my pupils! God, early CGI is scary! Jimmy's forced to bring his cousin Hannah along, who-- AAAH! FULLY-DEVELOPED EYES! ABOMINATION ON THIS WORLD!! Jimmy: We become monsters, surging forth and-- Hannah: AAAH! Jimmy: AAH! Hannah: Monsters! NC: Oh, no, you turned Hannah into a malfunctioning Chuck E. Cheese animatronic! Jimmy: What the heck were you shining that dumb thing around for? Daryl: Flashback? Bert: Flashback. Daryl: Are you anxious to get outside with all the monsters, pumpkin? NC: Huh? Katie: We both know Katie will look out for her. Daryl: I trust that Daryl. Katie and Daryl: Don't worry, pumpkin! NC: I have... no frame of reference to what you're doing now. You're parents? How does this work? Jimmy: Ding-dong. Katie: Katie will protect you from the monsters.
Daryl: Daryl will protect you from the monsters. Hannah: Monsters?! Jimmy: Ding-dong! Ding-dong! DING-DONG, ALREADY!! NC: C'mon, it's Party Quirks. Answer the door so Colin can perform! Katie: Don't worry, honey. If you get frightened, Jimmy's promised to take care of you. Hannah: OK, Mommy. Bye! Hey, Jimmy, wait up! NC: Why are you cutting back to me like I should have a joke? I don't even know what the hell just happened! Jimmy: OK, here's the plan. We're gonna ditch Hannah. All: *gasp* NC: The devil takes many forms! Jimmy: We'll scare her and she'll run home and we can do what we want, OK? Daryl: Well, she is kinda slow. NC: We did convince her we were her parents, and she might still be under that assumption. They agree to scare her by forcing her to go inside a house they say is haunted. Hannah: Anyone? AAAAAAAAAAAAH! NC: D'ABUDUBUD'AAH! Hannah (slow-mo): AAAAAAAAAAA-- NC: Why does the animation in this always move like it wants to eat me? Hannah (slower): AAAAA-- NC: AGAHGAHAD'AAH!! Hannah: *crying* But the Scary Godmother arrives to raise her spirits. With that freaky entrance, all she's gonna raise is my blood pressure. Scary Godmother: Boohoo! *fake crying* Hannah: Why are... Why are you crying? NC: (as SG) Because I turned down Magic School Bus to be in this. I totally could've been Miss Frizzle! SG: I like the sound of "booing". Boo-hoo-hoo. *laughs* NC: She takes her on an adorable kidnapping to her home, apparently in another dimension. SG: There we go! What do you think? NC: (as Hannah) It's whimsically... (normal) ...similar to everyplace else? She introduces Hannah to her broom-mate, Skully, presumably voiced by John Waters. Skully: Oh, my, Scary Godmother! Sorry to be so late, but I just had to get these old bones bleached for the party. NC: I'm just kidding. John Waters WISHES he could be in something this kitsch! Skully: It is the spookiest phantom fest in the whole realm! Everyone'll be there. It's practically a who's boo of monsters! *chuckles* NC: (as Skully) Just putting it out there, guys: "BOO" is like half of our jokes. Skully: Boo are you? SG: Hannah, this is Mr. Pettibone. He's our official skeleton in the closet. NC: PFFFFFHT! Skully: I work in the closets of all the old houses, keeping their secrets-- NC: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING! YOU KNOW *EXACTLY* WHAT YOU'RE DOING!! Hannah: Does everyone have a skeleton in their closet? Skully: Almost everyone, little miss. NC: (as Skully) The ones who are brave enough to experiment! Skully: When it comes to Halloween night, I love nothing more than to roll the bones at a good party! NC: (as Skully) "Roll the bones" will have a COMPLETELY different meaning when you get older! (normal) There are so many of these jokes, guys! NC: The Godmother uses her incredible magic to make the place even MORE... ...mildly impressive... ...as guests begin to show up. Oh, and if there's any doubt it's THAT kind of party, just take a look at guest #1. Harry: Where are those wonderful smells emanating from? The goody plate, I believe. OW! Skully: NO! Down, boy! No more until everyone else shows up. Harry: Ooh, you'll be lucky if I don't bury your femur in the backyard, you scoundrel! NC: And they said they couldn't bring Will and Grace back. So the werewolf confuses Hannah for an actress from one of his favorite shows. It's... ...as funny as that sentence I just said. SG: This is not Ophelia Saint-- SG: This is not Ophelia Saint--
Harry: Oh, I am such a huge fan of the show. Harry: Oh, I am such a huge fan of the show. I must know every single line from every single episode! NC: GAH! Why does everyone come up to the camera like they're Slenderman? *creepy static* Except in this one, you don't die; you're instead given a short about how to make cracker sandwiches. Because that's the next logical step to take in this story! The Voldemort family show up and almost confuse who the appetizers are for, and... are. SG: Help yourselves to the food. *HISS* Hannah: Scary Godmother! SG: Oh, no! This is my FRIEND! Vampires: Oh! NC: How adorable! Why don't you befriend one of the people who was gonna devour you? Orson: Are you a real human? Hannah: Yeah, but... you're just a kid. Orson: So are you! Hannah: Do you go to school? Orson: Sure, night school. NC: Do these kids have their own solar system? What's with the orbiting around them? The party continues, as the werewolf seems to chat too much, annoying the vampires. Count Maxwell: Look deeply into my eyes. Harry: Okay! Cound Maxwell: Cease your chattering and sleep. Harry: Sleep? On an empty stomach? But I-- NC: Oh, good God. He broke his neck. *neck crack* NC: While also seeing Slenderman. *creepy static* Actually, the vampire just puts him to sleep. However, Hannah is dead awake at the reveal of their next guest. Hannah: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Bug-a-Boo: If I start scaring kids after hours, I'm gonna put in for overtime.
Hannah: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! NC: (as Bug-a-Boo) I'd join the pterodactyls from Flintstones in turning to the right and saying a joke to nobody. (normal) She learns to get used to him, though, as the kids, back at the house, are waiting really too friggin' long to not realize something is up! What do you expect when this is how they entertain themselves? Bert: Door is ajar. Door is ajar. Door is ajar. Jimmy: Will you STOP THAT?! Bert: Please fasten your safety belts. NC: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he's tasted toilet water. Jimmy: Why isn't she screaming yet? Hannah: *scream of delight* NC: Oh! It's because she's turning into Annabelle. At this point, nothing would surprise me. Daryl: NOW what are we gonna do? We've practically missed Halloween. NC: (as Daryl) I mean, what are we supposed to do? Go in and get her?! Who wrote us? (normal) But we have no time for that. We have to vote on who we think should be the leader of the group! Jimmy: Who wants Bert for leader? NC: Okay, Ridley Scott's Alien would be even creepier if that was the face. Daryl: That's one vote for everyone. Bert: I demand a recount! Daryl: That's still one vote for everyone. Bert: Recount! Daryl: That's one vote for everyone. Bert and Jimmy: Recount! Daryl: That's one vote for everyone! Bert and Jimmy: Recount! NC: Okay, looks like we're gonna be here for a while, folks. I'm gonna go grab a beer. I suggest you do the same. ♪ *NC theme* ♪ ♪ *NC theme* ♪ *burp* NC: Oh! That was good. Anyway, where were we? Bert and Jimmy: Recount! NC: Abraca-fast-forward! So, after that essential arguing, they decide to just sit around and do nothing. You sure we're not watching American politics? Back at the party, all sorts of amazing things are happening, like the vampires talk about anxiety, the werewolf overeats, and they decide to order pizza! They sure are putting the "dead" in dead party, aren't they? Harry: I'll phone this in. NC: Like you haven't already? Let's go check on the unlikely possibility that there's more interesting conversations with the kids. Daryl: I can't believe you left Hannah in the Spook House! Bert: We're gonna be in so much trouble. Daryl: I can't believe you left Hannah in the Spook House. NC: You just said that. Katie: What if she never comes out? Daryl: I can't believe you left Hannah in the Spook House. NC: Are you TRYING to drive us insane?! Jimmy: Would you stop it? NC: No, please don't interrupt him! I'm pretty sure he was gonna say something about Hannah, the Spook House, and the believability of her being in there! NC: How'd it go again? Daryl: I can't believe you left Hannah in the Spook House. NC: YEAH, THAT'S IT!
Daryl: I can't believe you left Hannah in the Spook House. Daryl: I can't believe you left Hannah in the Spook House. It goes great with the multiple rock-paper-scissors AND multiple shoutings of "recount"! All that's missing is Doctor Strange coming out saying he wants to bargain! What is your goal, you time pocket of madness?! Daryl, Katie and Bert: *panicking* *triple smack* Jimmy: Have you all gone crazy?! NC: Is there a limit to how many times I can say yes? This better be followed by a funny moment, or I'm gonna shove a candy apple up somebody's rectum. SG: $200 in pizza? Delivery Skeleton: Of course, you could of... (demonic) SIGNED FOR IT. SG: Uh... no. NC: You got lucky. Looking for money to pay for the pizza, they sneak up on Bug-a-Boo to see if he sat on any money in a sequence I know can't be taken any wrong way. Bug-a-Boo: Oh! *laughing* NC: Someone's been to too many of Skully's parties. Count Maxwell: So other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the show? *crickets chirping* NC: Strange enough that there's a Lincoln assassination joke in this, but to have that classic followed up by crickets? Ain't none of you know good comedy! Hey, Dracula! Tell your version of "The Aristocrats"! After making friends with everyone, Hannah and the monsters decide to go back home and get revenge on the kids that left her. Vampires: *hiss* Gang: *scream* Skully: ♪ You'll be grilled! ♪ ♪ You'll be ate! ♪ NC: Can we just conclude there is NOTHING in the closet about him anymore? Gang: *screaming* *smack* NC: Wow, not very often you see a room with six fireplaces. No wonder nobody lives in this place! The fire codes are shit! Hannah pretends to save them, though, as the monsters act like they're afraid of her light. SG: Here, Hannah. Hannah: Will I ever see you again? NC: (as SG) Only in the scars of your repressed memories. So that was The Scary Godmother. I... ...can see why people remember it. It's pretty awkward, clumsy and all over the place, but... ...then again, it's clearly meant for little kids. There is enough creativity in the ideas and some of the designs that, I guess, it's innocent enough. Definitely won't hold any adults or older kids' attention, but for younger children, it's totally fine. Not a classic, but a serviceable little special to show tiny ones on Halloween. Take it for what it's worth. I'm the Nostalgia Critic and Nostalgia-Ween has just begun! *lightning strike* ♪ *NC theme* ♪ Daryl: I can't believe you left Hannah in the Spook House. Doug: Hey, Doug Walker here doing the Charity Shoutout. *sigh* It's been a very painful month for a lot of people. Uh, as you can probably guess, once more I don't need to show any clips, because..... you've seen all the terrible things that are happening in Puerto Rico. Uh, you know that they need so much help right now, and I know the past couple... Charity Shoutouts, I haven't needed to show any clips, because, like I said, just... Mother Nature has really been brutal, and, uh, so many people are suffering for it. So... definitely... go check out the link below, and see if you have anything you can give, because these people really, really need it. And just so much devastation is happening down there to so many good people, and it's just not deserved. So if you can definitely go click on the link, even the smallest amount can go a long way. So definitely go take a look and see what you can do. Thank you so much again.
