The Spirit - Nostalgia Critic

[Music] [Music] [Music] the studio is my [ __ ] I will always protect it whenever evil comes I will defend her the [ __ ] is that she is my studio to put my hand up her skirt as I please see what the dick sauce is that Hello critic let's kick this reviews ass in the sexiest way possible first of all that's not sexy that's scary scary sexist Gary scary second what the perverted Mounties mother Falcon is going on I don't know I thought I'd switch things up today so I hired a new director Frank Miller wait crazy-cool Frank Miller just crazy Frank Miller I don't know which one is that incredible my fetish goddess but you do show off the swastika and your outfit no wait you got the plain crazy one hey hey you don't know maybe this is somehow all brilliant what are you dense what are you [ __ ] or something do you know who the hell I am I'm goddamn Frank Miller it's just crazy uh prove it hello crazy cool Frank Miller - hi I think we got the plain crazy version of you ah okay well there's only one way to know for sure asking these questions got it hey Frank damn why are you in color I don't know why she dressed like that I don't know what does a it does have to do with the source material I don't goddamn know yep he answered the same - all of them - I knew it that's totally crazy me the best thing to do is not give him any attention for the love of God keep him as far away from Gimli as possible right I don't get it I thought Frank Miller was one of the most influential storytellers of our time well he is you know I really should draw the Joker more like Plastic Man and Captain Planet more often was Frank Miller was one of the biggest names if not the biggest name and getting people to realize comic books could be for adults with his reinvention of classic characters like daredevil and Batman Ghora fiying his own gritty style with Sin City and 300 an even inspiring blockbuster hit some of which he himself directed this was one hell of a creative force to admire and that's um where he went cuckoo bananas Scott damn cuckoo-bananas it keeps you far away from me yes I can't promise that both Millard writing and artwork seem to suffer greatly due to nobody really knows and it's practically a cliché now to mock the insanity of his later works whether he just went nuts or was always nuts and just hit it better nobody could deny there was a train too out of your damn minds Ville and he was the one in the driver's seat and one of his crowning achievements of bonkers dumb is the spirit based on the forties comic by Will Eisner the spirit tries to go for old-school charm in Satan's school of ethics so many bizarre choices that nobody but Miller could follow make this an uncomfortable unfeeling and unrecognizable adaptation of what should be an upbeat adventure with just a hint of misogyny and racism hey maybe Miller was a good choice to direct this regardless many agreed not only did it not capture what the original source material was about but the directions it goes in seem to have no rhyme or reason whatsoever are they right well strap on your masks that don't seem to hide [ __ ] this is the spirit the film opens dead on arrival flat lining on us while the credits roll I dad damn death is a hottie I know the ladies got Brad Pitt but this ain't a bad alternative for guys I play strip chess with you any day it turns out this is a vision the Spirit is having as death stalks him a lot through this movie because apparently death has nothing better to do the let's be honest a woman stalking Gabriel Maude is probably something he's used to yeah something big is breaking down let him what flat spirit word on the street is the octopus might be in on it okay problem number one your villain is called octopus stung even films as goofy as spider-man two new to : Doc Ock because you can take the name octopus as seriously as you can take the name Pazuzu the octopus octopus octopus octopus octopus Pazuzu the zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo he don't even give him a reason why he's called that through most of the film this is calling card tentacle hentai trust me with this film's tone that would totally fit who knows how far is tentacle spread the spirit goes rooftop hopping about as convincing as Mario maker as he monologues about his city like it's the milf he's been waiting for all his life my city she's not some target a fraud all dressed up like a piece of jailbait no she's an old city old and proud of her every pocket crackin link she's my sweetheart my plaything okay so he goes on and on throughout the film about how weirdly orality is by this place but what makes it so funny if the writing is so bad and so incoherent it could just as easily come from the tick seriously listen to these lines and imagine him saying it she's not some tarted-up fraud all dressed up like a piece of jailbait no she's an old city old and proud of her every puck and crack and wrinkle she's my sweetheart my plaything honestly not convinced this whole thing isn't just one big tick episode he doesn't even move that gracefully he jumps like a drunk swimmer who doesn't know he's on dry land he comes across a damsel in distress being mugged and saves her just in time I am [ __ ] this film so unfocused even I forgot well this is an awkward filmmaking Joe can you answer for me that's the spirit thank you Joe she provides for me my city does he gives me see especially this shot that Miller really seems to have a hard-on for the officer who called the spirit sees the best makeup to stay on underwater ever as he shot and the woman goes back on there to complete a robbery again totally underwater not just a fan in a studio that also keeps gelled hair perfect trust me don't be the least of your concerns when you see Samuel Speedy Gonzales in a - the film mother [ __ ] mother F of mother F oh oh by the way I'm saying mother effer because get this you're watching a pg-13 Frank Miller film yeah this film noir has literally no are so Miller can't even go all the way with his door which was always a big draw with his work even the decapitated cop played by Miller gets the puss out treatment and that's a shame because there's a lot of wonder woman fans would love to see that scene in more detail I think a lot of them are tired of rewinding this scene worth killing for the octopus play by Jackson starts fighting the spirit while his henchwoman named silken floss played by Scarlett just two more years till I do real comic book movies Hansen is nevertheless still giving this performance one hundred percent up the box and pile and specimens you've done your petri dishes proud eighty percent no need to wait for the boss if that's the spirit back there okay doing your fifty percent but he pretended to pretend over here dying here 40 40 40 percent the octopus always finds his nemesis so distracting 14 enjoy new 30 30 percent 31 it was just getting started I'm sure she can coast even more after the third rising out of the water shot I'd asked if Miller's aroused by that bun just assuming everything arouses him as I continued to pg-13 the [ __ ] out of each other apparently nothing can destroy these two and they don't seem to feel pain at least they don't act like they do so what should be awesome is basically a boring itchy and scratchy cartoon where no one gets hurt oh no enough like a cartoon get a load of this got it well at least they're visually representing the craft they're in usually that mathematical equation is correct but once again Miller it's really challenging the art of [ __ ] nothing like you nothing like me actually we have no idea we're 16 minutes in and we have no idea what the spirit is like I know he wants to fondle the city but if anything that makes me want to know even less about him he passes out and wakes up to a doctor named Ellen treating his wounds for God's sake you can't keep taking these chances I'll be fine something in my question by the way is the use of color in black and white and one of NOAA's other films Sin City it's used very cleverly a woman named Goldie is literally gold and she has a twin sister who the main character confuse it for her shown through color there's a man who's supposed to stand out like mad because he's yellow and in a black and white world that really stands out an assassin says this woman's colored eyes tells him she's running and has to accept her fate he kills her and by the end comes across a main character with colored eyes who also has to face the same fate it felt like there was an instinctual reason for the color even but wasn't fully explained here the color seems beyond random anyone can have shades of color on them for no reason help the black and white looks more like brown and white half the time so the color isn't even as eye-catching as it should be I feel like I'm watching the opening of Wizard of Oz except that yellow bastards not only gonna show up in fact this Newsies flashback he has looks like it's been filtered in dog piss it's being a witch in this flashback he knew a girl named sans-serif' sounds like a font nobody uses who dreams of one day surrounding herself and material goods but his Uncle Pete gets in trouble accidentally shooting sans dead who happens to be a cop before taking his own life so kids just how does this make you feel I hate cars well that's confusing you didn't mean what you said leave me alone and just stay away please give it a while what what us yeah that's what I mean is now really the time to talk about relationship goals it even shed a tear when your uncle died doesn't know what happened he wasn't there and then some punched out drunk of an old boxer suits you dead what's it Pete it was that Guido and you know that that nobody else saw including me he just looks like he was shot in a greeter way I'm gonna go over the world and I'm gonna become rich but do whatever you wants and I don't care about you neither I never even want to see you again yeah that's right you don't you read I hope that works out for you you and your red but deep in the sewers we see samurai l.jackson and scarlet kimono hansen are disappointed that his clone experiments brought back the wrong case i am sorely disappointed all right you said his listening to me fine sensor find her now so Frank oh yeah Jesus okay I'll admit I don't know much about the spirit but I google the spirit and samurai and nothing came up though I did find out katanas backstory and surprisingly there is more to her than she's got your back critic if you can't see why a film noir crime fighter wouldn't use a samurai you also probably can't see why calling someone apart it's a great insult that's clearly not a great really I use it in the movie what other box you fart dude what are you four years old no I'm this many times Tom well God you gave him attention don't you he's got Samuel Jackson's a samurai in the spirit I'm sorry I needed some explanation critic it's not worth it you know the one thing he can give you that's more terrifying than no explanation what an explanation oh Christ you're right just close your eyes and think about how awesome the movie 300 was it was very awesome in fact it was so good maybe that director should also handle my version of Batman the more they think about don't do that I gotta go having fun I'm confused what life choices brought me here sans-serif' now played by Eva Mendes is searching for an ancient treasure because no joke it's a shiny thing the shiny thing and oh anything dames and bling she blackmails the philanthropist who betrayed her with incriminating pictures and forces him to hand over all his money then I swear to every known god I am NOT making this up she Xeroxes her ass on the copy machine imagine my surprise when I show up at the drop point and ran smack into the oculus making a perfect ass of yourself dames and mimeograph posteriors for posterity he shoots himself after losing all his money while the spirit gets friendly with the doctor from before what's on your agenda tonight I don't know dinner movie anything you know for a guy who made fun of the Adam West Batman a lot he sure is willing to have this dark and gritty superhero reenact Archie comics would this be more Betty Ann Veronica I don't know I don't read them and I thought he did the spirit promises he'll be loyal to her but the father from Wonder Years has other plans hey freakazoid want to get a yogurt it's an honor to meet you mr. spirit I'm Morgenstern rookie fresh from Baum war nah just kidding I'm obviously a stripper but Ellen sees he's in love with every woman he meets I don't know why she's shocked she literally just said that and he even manages to flirt with the reporters and for the ladies you know we hang on your every word thanks for being such amazing lovely creatures no to life allow me to fix my mask to protect the secret identity I don't have that go to the philanthropist who killed himself but the spirit recognizes that ass and shows it around town to see if anyone else recognizes it oh that's not a joke that goddamn happens he literally shows the picture of the ass to ID her the only thing stupider than that a little person recognizes it get it cuz he's small but knowing Frank Miller every criminal Linna probably looks like this tell me this can't possibly get any dumber I think that's plain damn weird yes sir just plain damn weird Frank I want to ask what the point of this was I want to ask why you thought taking while your little clone minions and turning him into a tiny foot was necessary to learn more about the characters or story but I'm afraid if I give you any attention or even look at you you're just gonna use that attention to act more friggin insane am i right I was right turn away from him and never cut back [Applause] [Music] [Applause] so the spirit fine sand via blood identification but she's stepping out of the shower with her hair made up and not the least bit wet put a robe on or something but no tricks it's stolen oh yeah huh she just slipped that on huh it's not something you toss on that's something you glue on it looks like she found the treasured vase with the blood the octopus was looking for but she toss it the spirit out proving once again what a Columbia Mass we're supposed to be rooting for he's so embarrassing even the movie starts to reject him isn't this like pointing out that Batman's head kind of looks like a spork do you really want to actively make yourself look more lame and believe it or not it gets even lamer [Music] [Music] why do I feel like this is healthy find Miller every Thursday night he gets a leave though and heads over to the octopus's hideout well the enemy has his gun two knives I have an entire city as my weapon well snow is more part of the elements but whatever gets you in the city to third base he jumps in the sewer and comes across Johansen could this be a trap no no it's just a woman who's dressed nice in the sewer who wants to make out with you all why do was a trap you know this guy's like Dick Tracy except you take out the Tracy so you have his dick mean well Elenin heard ed discuss her future with the spirit because that's what we want to see when the heroes in peril he's a goddamn menace and my own daughters in love with him it was so much happier in the old days with Denny yeah he was pretty charming you look beautiful today can I kiss you wait no he was disturbed you know death is there really nothing better you can do there's no bill and ted movie you can cameo in spirit wakes up tied to a chair as outcomes I don't know a belly dancer el martes and starts dancing for him because now I think we can jump to the conclusion that all of this film is just for Millers personal video collection he just wanted to see if he can make money off of it to pee as he could [Music] sure for an hour in might as well start talking to the camera now and just when you think that's this movie so bad that actually stops your thinking but just when your thinking starts to return I don't know a pile of psychedelic frogs they set on fire and inhaled but its effects are clearly standing before you Samuel Jackson is now a Nazi for no conceivable reason whatsoever and he has to go along with it like it makes all the sense in the world to him to eat so we won't die we mate so that our seed will live on just look at Johansen throughout this scene she's totally dead inside even she can't believe she's standing where she is next to who she's with wearing what she's wearing how the hell did Miller convince Jackson to do this I was kind of expecting Malcolm to come out to do something as Samuel Jackson Anna yeah he's out of town this weekend ah that's right I totally forgot well maybe we can get solos to play no that's a bad idea I'm just gonna give him a call Malcolm can you play Samuel Jackson as a Nazi sure wonderful I got Frank Miller here and crazy cool Frank Miller just plain crazy Frank Miller okay and he's gonna act out the scene with you go Sam Jackie baby I want you to wear a Nazi uniform cracker you out of your damn mind but it'll be great satire and that nobody will understand it so nobody will question it you must be damn crazy if you okay you know what this doesn't feel right how could you possibly make him goose-step you must be damn crazy if you think I'm gonna do this snakes on a plane had more dignity I'd rather do another credit-card you know what that's not feeling right either do you feel the scene needs more foot people I feel it needs more foot people as anyone else feel like this needs more foot people but now my taking direction from you I ask that every shoe shut up Malcolm this seems so crazy no sketch could possibly capture its madness I bet my sketch could I've really gone downhill as an artist you know dammit and where'd you find him anyway sucking air out of my tires we discovered the spirits backstory as he was originally a shot-up rookie cop named Denny but he was given the same invincible formula octopus took so he came back from the dead and visited Ellen's father on something else now I could be the city's protector it's it's spirit now that's due but I was gonna say zombie Jesus so wait if Ellen's dad knows the spirit is Denny why does he talk nice about Denny but hate the spirit this films as consistent as golems wedding vows octopus says once he drinks he releases blood he'll become immortal a god and for no reason at all he kills a cat named oven wasn't weird enough this is the only character spirit actually get emotional about muffin the cat she is all the reason I need I will kill you even Jackson is like really that's what dinner fire didn't you uncle die and your cop friend look this is the one that sent you over the edge it's pression that's not bad mouth progress it is the only [ __ ] he ever gave a [ __ ] about so the belly dancer is gonna chop him up and separate his body but he speaks French that's apparently enough to win somebody over Pepe LePew is clearly doing something wrong if that's all it takes to get a woman and this one's for muffin its muffin your fiancee what is up with this relationship just as sporadic as the belly dancer saving him the belly dancer also stabs him in the back apparently saying it's force and I don't frickin follow it but I did just see Samuel Jackson his Colonel Klink so I should really be used to not getting answers this is followed by Guess Who I am sick to you of you at least this time spirit thinks of calling it in and giving up two deaths horny embrace but then he remembers any woman he kisses he has to abandon so he leaves death once more no they need me you want to escape me I am the man [ __ ] he wakes up in the hospital though with Ellen again tending to his wounds oh gosh hey freakazoid when I go out for a minute somebody get me a tie it sure as hell better be red no shirt just a tie it add to my horniness he comes up with a plan to catch the octopus who is meeting up with San to collect the vase nobody goes anyway face please protecting what Jackson's gonna look like in every scene is like predicting will costume Bugs Bunny's gonna wear guaranteed laughable and for some reason nobody questions it the spirit shows up with the cops and the octopus try shooting him even though he knows it does nothing is that why he's called that no examples of it before I mean he has eight Nazi uniforms eight sombreros ain't afro samurai cosplays I think it would actually make more sense to call him the hateful eight the cats come in though leading to this really weird shot I gotta give them credit for finding new and creative ways to explore stupid but the rookie cop fires her big-ass gun at him causing smoke debris that's shaped like an octopus it's symbolic because this movie's blowing smoke up your ass spirit and sand deliver the finishing bad effect and they give a victory kiss right in front of Ellen [Music] well who me 20 times shame on you fool me 21 times I still love him yes that was just a goodbye eating her mouth and feeling her up kiss it means nothing like this movie [Music] hey freakazoid want to go see a bear ride a motorcycle yes sir give me this one Dolan just let her go so of course he tries to explain himself once again to Ellen do you have a baby with all my heart that's not true hey baby you are amazing and yeah that's pretty much where it ends he admits once more that no one can have his heart but the city his dick is another story but his heart belongs to architecture I could never give my heart to anyone her she owns me body and soul she is the love of my life muffin my city [ __ ] your muffins [ __ ] and you know it and that was the spirit by God I pray the comic was nothing like ask it looks nice I guess but all I can think about is how much it looks like Sin City which doesn't match whatever the hell tone or style this movie is going for every character is either an archetype or has no real identity I don't know why the spirit does what he does I don't know why the octopus does what he does nobody has any real motivation the characters and therefore the film have no reason to exist they're just we're puppets that do weird things for a seemingly no reward Frank Miller has been a game changer in the past and hopefully is work in the near future will again reflect that but as from material like this it's unlikely it's gonna be inspiring many anytime soon I'm gonna stop your credit I remember why did you do that I don't know I am death I have come oh I have come to come and take you into the afterlife you know you could do this a lot easier if you just turn off the fan behind you whoa that is better oh my god I have no idea why I've been using that thing for so long Thank You critic so you can pretty obvious as a reward I will not came and grant you one request I kiss next week I'd like to review the anti version of this film you know a superhero who's also invincible is supposed to be funny breaks the fourth wall however this one will be in a big hit and it would still be challenging to review can it have a Celine Dion so [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] and this one's for muffin hi Doug Walker here doing the charity shot on this week we are doing Coalition for the homeless this is the nation's oldest advocacy and direct service organization helping homeless men women and children they believe that affordable housing sufficient food and the chance to work for a living wage are fundamental rights in a civilized society since their inception in 1981 the Coalition has worked through litigation public education and direct services to ensure that these goals are realized their effectiveness to rise from their unique role as both an efficacy and direct service organization their programs shelter monitoring and grassroots organizing and able them to meet homeless people where they are as well as giving a voice and hope to the most marginalized among us if you look at their site in their YouTube page you'll see all the ways that their efficacy is informed by the very real daily struggles of our homeless neighbors and seek practical humane cost-effective long-term solutions proven to work click on the link and see how much you can do for those who have so little you [Music] you

Channel: Channel Awesome

Views: 1,201,273

Keywords: channel awesome, nostalgia critic, doug walker, movie, movies, film, the spirit, the spirit movie, the spirit review, movie review, film review, frank miller, frank miller movies, superhero films, eva mendes, scarlett johansson, samuel L jackson, comic book movies, gabriel macht, spirit review, spirit movie, comics, the spirit 2008, bad movies

Id: ggm2Pvj2QHQ

Length: 29min 8sec (1748 seconds)

Published: Wed May 23 2018