[Remix of the Gravity Falls Intro] Okie dokie. Uh...
Dorothy vs Alice. "Oh dear. l don't think we're
in G-rating anymore, Toto." [stabbing sounds and screaming] Very nice, very nice. Star Wars vs Star Trek. "Geordi..." "I am your father." "Oh..." "So, you're a black guy?" "No!" "Where on Earth would you get an idea like that?" Ash... "Pikachu, I choose you!" "PIKA!" vs Ash. [chainsaw motor roaring] [screaming] Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic.
I remember it, so you don't have to. [Pikachu squealing in pain] Versus battles are everywhere now. At least...in terms of talking about movies. Grantedt, here were certainly a few
in the old days with monster films. But for years, even when audiences demanded a crossover, it almost never happened But nowadays? Producers are finally waking up and using their copyrights wiser-- Well. For the most part. --and getting versus battles we always wanted to see... Even if sometimes we wish we didn't see them. So, this NostalgiaWeen l'm trying to
see if l can cash in on the next big fad. Oh, suck it up! [sobbing] Pokemon Go fuck yourself. [cries louder] If you're wondering where a lot of this started in recent years, you can make the very real argument that it was possibly Freddy vs Jason. [music] Like many franchises, these
started off from groundbreaking starts, and deteriorated to ground-burying corpses. *badum tsssh* Or... in this case the same thing. Friday the 13th and Nightmare On Elm Street were horror classics of the 80's that were given so many sequels they became literally comical. I'm still shocked the poster for Jason Takes Manhattan doesn't look like this. They got so silly and crowd-pandering that audiences demanded the ultimate crowd-pandering. After that. After that too. Christ, these movies... It was bringing them together! After years of begging, they finally made it happen. And who better to take charge of these two classic monsters than the director of Chucky's comeback And of course the warm up bad Last Airbender movie? Let's wrap up NostalgiaWeen with
one of the biggest horror crossovers ever. Good guess. Freddy Vs. Jason. It opens with Freddy Kruger remembering the good ol' days of the bad ol' days. "The Springwood Slasher.
That's what they called me." "I remember also looking 20 years younger, but my memory's weird that way." The parents burn him alive after the justice system lets him go and he talks to the audience about what became of him. "When I was alive...I might have been a little naughty." "But after they killed me...I became something much, much, worse." "Sequels. Weird...Power-Glove promoting sequels." But he brings up that, somehow,
people have forgotten about him and he can't exist if people aren't afraid. "Being dead wasn't a problem, but being forgotten?! Now that's a bitch!" "I've become Basic Instinct 2..." "Yeah, that was a thing-- YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT!" So, he uses what's left of his power to bring Jason back to make people remember him, as we're given this pretty classic horror film set-up. Woman: "Is that you?" [giggles] Okay, now this is something I want to introduce to the younger viewers in the audience. [clears throat] This is what they used to call a "Rated R" film. I know you think the most extreme films go up to PG-13, but there was a day when movies went up to R. They were called "the Non-Pussy Years," which ironically had a lot more pussy. Once in a while, there are films that dare to venture into that realm, but as long as Hollywood thinks 13 is the only demographic that exists, they are but whispers... This Elizabeth Banks prototype is, of course, attacked by the resurrected Jason, causing her to hide. Woman: [pants] Nostalgia Critic:
"Oh, thank god, I thought this tree was a person." "I'm...pretty dumb." [thud] But it turns out, it's just a dream by
Krueger, who looks like his mother, who convinces Jason to kill the kids on Elm Street. Jason's Mother: "The children have been very bad on Elm Street. Make them remember what fear tastes like!" Krueger: [laughs evilly] Nostalgia Critic: "But, wait...Shouldn't I be on a space station in the future?" "And shouldn't you be aware that
you're a fictional character in a movie?" "Quiet or I'll tell the guy who did the
Last Witch Hunter to give you another reboot!" "They're really doing that?" "Yeah, sorry, dude..." We then cut to a house in 2003 where... These characters are inside, playing
Fuck, Marry, Kill with the Three Stooges... [sarcasm] Clearly, someone understands the female teenage mind here. Kia: "Which one had the super bad toupée here? This is stupid, y'all!" Lori: "Oh, come on!" "Is this what we're doin' all night? Cuz, y'all, this is really stank." [sighs] Let me guess, she sounds
like that throughout the entire movie? "Drop kick, yo ass." "Frou-Frou dogs that keeps humping," "This big ol...come on, get real!" "Let's go shake our ass to the dance floor!" Mmhmm, and, uh...who wrote this film again? [ding] [sighs heavily] You know...white people, can we just not...white people today? It's exhausting sometimes, I need a break from us! Maybe some of this forced
exposition will help balance things out. "No one's ever gonna live up to the
fuzzy memory of your first love, Lori." "You were fucking 14!" "Yeah, I know we were young,
but what Will and I had was real..." "Didn't Mr. Real just drop-kick yo ass
without so much as a goodbye handshake?" Christ! Why don't you just pause it and
show her stats like a video game character?! It's much easier to take than
the "natural human dialogue". Kia: "I mean, Lori, you've barely gone out--! Lori: "Since what? Since my mom died?" Nostalgia Critic: "Or since I realized that itrepresents my broken family character arc." "Did I randomly mention that I majored
in spraying gas barrels and lighting torches?" "I hope THAT in no way plays into anything!" So, while they all try to figure out which Nickelodeon TV movie they're dressed for, two of them take their sexcapades
upstairs where Jason is waiting. Trey: [screams and groans in pain] [loud thud] [thump] Trey: [Screams] [snickers] Okay, I'll give this movie credit. Murder by bed sandwich is not something I see very often. [screaming] Nostalgia Critic: "Quick! Let's go out in the rain where our clothes can get tighter!" "You kids need some assistance?" "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?!" The cops think it's more than a coincidence that a murder happened at this house on Elm Street, But they know even saying Krueger's
name can give him more power. "It's gotta be Freddy Krueger--" "Hey!" "Don't even say that son of a bitch's name out loud." "We just took care of our Beetlejuice,
Voldemort and Candyman problem, when will people learn names are bad!?" They question Lori at the station while the boy hitting on her swears revenge on whoever killed his friend. "Imma take him out myself, Trey." "I swear to God." But the deep-fried Sandman comes in to make things worse. [screams] [yells] "I'm okay...I'm alright." [snickers] Well, that was a natural thing to say. "I'm okay...I'm alright." "I just thought I'd calmly alert the audience of that. I'm okay, I'm alright." But he seems to catch the same talking to the crowd virus. "Not strong enough yet..." "Well, I will be soon enough." "That effect did look pretty lame." "I think Link's pixelated shadow would
have gotten a bigger scare than that." "Well, EXCUUUSE me, Princess!" But Jason finishes what he started as he cuts off his dad's head so smoothly that it hops off his neck when light touched. [spring sound] Christ! I think Barbie's plastic head is harder to take off! [gasps] "Oh, but I swore to God that I was going to take out the killer--eh, never mind." Talk of the murders reach a mental institution on the acronyms-attempting-to-be-clever news where Lori's old boyfriend, Will, played
by Jason Ritter, watches in horror. "Come on! Turn it back on, man!" "I never ask for anything, just
turn on the fucking TV, please!" "Grunkle Stan is on another killing spree!" It's okay, I got a ton of them in my Dipper joke book. Will and his friend break out of the institution though, to warn Lori and prove they're not crazy... ...in the most crazy way possible. Mark: [singing] "One, two, Freddy's coming for you..." "Cuz that's when he comes for you, in your dreams." "He came back, back for revenge in our nightmares!" "I'm Mark, by the way. I'm a friend of Will's, real sweet guy-- YOU'RE GONNA DIE!" Will finally shows himself by
appearing on the other side of the hallway, Guess...Mark was his opening act? But she passes out, resulting in her recovering in the nurse's office, where I guess...friends can wait. [whimpers] "Got your nose!" [screams] "And some shitty CGI!" [gasps] Nostalgia Critic: "Oh, thank God!
I just dreamed our effects were that bad!" So, Will and Mark go to see what
they can figure out about Krueger, but it looks like all the information is not available. Or...actually it is, they just literally black it all out. That wouldn't cause any suspicion. "Uh, excuse me, I noticed everything in this history book about World War ll was blacked out?" "Well, that's because it didn't happen." "Oh, okay. I totally accept that." "Uh, but what about this part where Osama Bin Laden is crossed out in crayon and the World Trade Center is put back where it was?" "Oh, that also didn't happen." "Got it! Oh, I'm learning a lot today!" "Oh, uh, what about this guy and his VP claiming they didn't say all these famously recorded things, you didn't block that out." "Oh, we don't have to. People just
believe that one for some reason." "Oh." "He did sacrifice a lot." "He did. He did." But Will, strangely enough,
has a hard time believing all this. "They never told us about Freddy because that's how they decided to beat him." "They locked up all the kids who made contact with him so they wouldn't infect the others." "That's crazy!" "That's why I broke out! To warn Lori
about this crazy thing I don't believe in! What am I doing again?" Insert early 2000 blurry cam film
makers thought would be cool. [background rave music] "WHOOA, how come I can't focus on anything? AVANT-GARDE!" As everyone partakes in a cornfield rave. [loud techno music plays] "Man, this party's awesome! I especially love the crucifying kids over there!" Meanwhile, one of the nerdy kids tries
hitting on Lori but Kia tells him to buzz off. "You tear me down to make yourself feel better because you really hate yourself, which is kind of pathetic when you actually stop and think about it, assuming, of course, you can think." Nostalgia Critic: "Well, I don't know about you, but that drew me closer to him." Kia: "Come on, come on! Let's dance!" "Come on, Benjamin! Let's go!" "I really dug all that stuff about you saying I'm pathetic. You really know all the lines!" Will finds Lori though and approaches her. They seem though to have a hard
time figuring out what's going on. "Police have been acting really
weird like they know something and--." "Where was your dad?" "What is going on, Will?" "Look, four years ago I thought I--." Kia: "Oh, enough of this bullshit talk! Let's go shake our ass to the dance floor!" "Come on!" [sputtering] Screw murder, man! Dance! It's all about the dancing! Haven't you learned that getting our priorities straight has never been a priority? So, Freddy tries to go after a passed-out girl in her dreams, --funny...because being drunk stops REM sleep-- but Jason kills her in the real
world before he can get to her. "She's mine!" "Mine!" "MINE!" "It's like an intern eating the last doughnut at work." "RUDE!" Some other teens see Jason and light him on fire, but that just makes him mad. [terrified screaming] I got nothin' to say. This is awesome. [screaming] The teens escape just in time for Will to reveal a big secret. "The reason I was sent to Weston...is because I saw your dad kill your mom." "Will, my mom died in a car accident..." "She stabbed herself repeatedly while driving." Yeah, I'm not even kidding. He talks about how he sees her get stabbed several times yet the official cause is "car accident." How does anyone believe these half-assed cover ups? Sylvester hiccuping yellow feathers would have a better cover up than you! "You can't trust him, Lori! Whatever you do, don't go home with him!" Lori's Father: "See? You didn't understand! You still don't! You were confused!" Lori: "Stop it! Both of you, stop it!" Nostalgia Critic: "Both of us? I'm being choked! What am I supposed to stop, breathing?"
