r/Tinder · OH MY

Jennifer 21 I like to be choked but sea turtles don't please recycle amen hey everyone welcome to easy peasy my name is Zach and today we're gonna be looking at our slash tinder everyone's favorite dating app let's hop right in you look tall are you tall lamal I'm 5/8 if that's considered tall that's pretty tall for a girl and yes I am tall I know this is really middle school but how would you rate your head game from one to ten bruh who was sucking dicks in middle school everyone you must have gone to a lame-ass middle school I was home-schooled if I was sucking dick I would probably call that what woman haha then what do you like you I'm the smoothest man to ever live I really just walked right into that one didn't I I like to think I led you there whatever works have your smooth skills landed you any luck on this app if by luck you mean a girlfriend if n-no if by lucky means fracks also know Rebecca 21 vibrators are wrong and unnatural the Bible said Adam and Eve not Florence and the Machine Eirene version 3.0 tinder profile updates bug fixes and improvements new features implemented got a new job performance enhancement started going to the gym UI UX redesign summer tan new and recent pictures added holiday photos improved selection algorithm multi-link you will support English Spanish Catalan good for you Irene hmm sorry I just have a sickness for that thickness okay not gonna lie that was the ego boost they really needed thank you sir I'm half asian too so both you and your dog look like a snack oh no are you fun though well I'm up past my bedtime right now so you could say I'm a bad boy also I'm heavily addicted to cocaine no I'm just kidding I don't have a bedtime LEM ow why you're cute for a crackhead tell me your secret promise not to tell anybody long a synapse and avocado facemasks that's our secret though I can't have all the other crackheads looking normal I'll lose my advantage you know fair enough awesome what are you up to this weekend I'm working what do you do trainer my back hurts super bad yikes probably from carrying this conversation what come on first date you I'm a cat person me trying to impress pushes your phone off the table that's a Power Move what's the name of this reaction because I'm definitely feeling some chemistry between us oh are you I think it's exothermic because you are hot hot hot are you made of copper and Trillium because your si ute just take me already take you as happily as an electron to an unbalanced atomic structure Jesus this is a match made in heaven one cute pickup line to cheesy pick-up line three dirty pickup line your pick I'll take a combo of the three police you want to go grab a coffee then I can eat you out a latte okay the real question is where are we getting coffee getting to the important question how short are you five three I could give you a couple inches OMG well a couple is - I know what I said Hey sorry it took me a day to respond but like this thing has really been bothering me do you think crabs look at humans and think we walk sideways are you high no I just think it's wild how if crabs ruled the world they teach their kids that all the other animals walk sideways and who's to say they're wrong he's got a really good point and merit 21 everyone calls me an but you can call me tonight hi tonight I'm dad classic why you using tinder my boyfriend died last year so I'm just trying to get back into the dating scene really damn that said on our first date we should use a Ouija board to get his permission to smash what the [ __ ] is wrong with you how many pickup lines do you get about deja vu surprisingly I think it's only ever happened once how many pickup lines do you get about deja vu I applaud you on the execution of this pickup line 5 out of 5 stars so your sleep schedule is as bad as mine then huh it's a result of depression Oh mal we are definitely on the same wavelength sadly Mao and all hmm I like you already that makes one of us oh hey what's up did you go to blank elementary school because if you did you were a bad kid can you give like a reason as to why you snitched on me once plus you never shared their jelly beans - come on share your jelly beans grace 18 I'm a hopeless romantic looking for a cute simple relationship I will steal your sweatshirts I love escape rooms Jesus is my friend I've also never seen the notebook nor gameofthrones I'm a nerd escape room in my basement no one's ever won yet Wow are you Asian because I'm trying to get into your Japan tees are you from Europe coz euro piece of friend oh hey hello there what's up just chilling how about you sitting in a waiting room at the moment Lowell what you're waiting on haha I had to take my grandad to the eye doctor oh I see but I guess he doesn't huh come on yoosh hey you drop something if you're gonna say my standards you're wrong make is you're cute holy crap did my pickup line just fail and succeed all at once hahaha bet you never seen that before I have faith in this match no I have lost faith in this match that is a snapchat filter if I've ever seen one nice try my man you're the first and 115 matches to notice no cracking way really that's jokes what's the best message you've gotten one guy asked me what my favorite part of a man's body is I said I do like my breath still didn't figure it out your jokes alright bro good luck with this I cheer him on - hey I like your glasses they're not for sale getting right to the point hit me with your comprehensive plan to fight climate change elimination of the human race you know they're not wrong we've matched before Oh have we do you remember my opener you asked me if I'd sit on your face and watch Harry Potter ah that sounds like me for sure are you a bank loan because you've got my interest wink now I'm student loans because I'll track you for the next 15 years hello beauty where are you from I have no idea how you showed up as being in my area low I'm form Turkey how did we match little I bought our membership low Oh Lord God DC low so much why do you want to talk to girls in the u.s. because to improve the foreign language Oh gotcha good I want to fry you oh my god come on Felicia 26 if you want to Brad buy one if you want a queen earn her so how much do you charge oh can I turn your inside to spaghetti you I hope your firstborn dies of cancer and you have to watch it get lower than it's half sized grave what makes you think that's an acceptable response you disgusting wench you're the reason I hate women well someone's been single all their life Jesus I need you in my life are you sure that's all you need man look mal what else to try to get in let me put it this way we'll both have a second coming laughing crying emoji laughing crying emoji laughing crying emoji laughing crying emoji Jesus Christ yeah me too Paige oh gosh does this mean I have to start carrying a bookmark if I don't want to lose you Wow funny oh man you probably get that a lot don't you no actually I've never heard that one dang well I've noticed that most pages have numbers but I didn't happen to catch yours hold Brad you deserve that yeah I think he does that's that's a pretty good one holy breath if you're trying to figure out how to say my name think Mike Tyson saying kiss me kiss me nice I had to super like because King princess rocks oh was that the only reason I mean you're also quite stunning and pretty but I think you're talking about music is a better opener than a girl you want this spread I mean you're not wrong but now that I'm in here hey girl you want this Brad do many people make puns about your name no but if you've got one I'd love to hear it please be patient I'm thinking for a month for a year I'm a slow thinker oh shut I didn't see that was 2018 maybe I'm the slow thinker l'm al maybe so nailed it me and you me and you are just a do a maybe I could help you with that what are we a D away from me and you me and you is a D away from me and you at least I tried oh don't be sad I'm just stupid Mindy 19 account run by Mindy's boyfriend but I need someone to take her off my hands she on my last nerve swipe left if you're under six foot I'm six foot one does that work of course how much do you weigh what who asks that what the press wiped left if you're over 130 yikes I'm going to have to report to Spotify because I didn't see you in my hottest singles last week bloom ow I'd be flattered but you probably send that to 20 other girls I'm flattered that you think I've matched with 20 other girls you haven't what can I say you're an uncharted territory John 32 I enjoy long walks on the beach except I can't walk in the sand wraps up my tires oh no John hey want to skip the small talk grab some coffee and see if we hate each other sounds better than the alternative limo cool are you free tomorrow indeed I am perfect time and place how's the Starbucks and blank in the target shopping center at 3:00 work sounds good with me and if I show up and you just murder me that's also fine all right I'll give you a heads up if I'm going to though please don't I'd really rather it be a surprise I hope these guys worked out I used to buy into salep system till I saw your profile because my mind could never create something as cute as you I used to be a nihilist but my world can't be that meaningless if you're in it to philosophy nerds deliver pickup lines hi love it l'm al let's debate where our first date is gonna be my vote goes for Papa John's damn eye peg you for better than that I haven't had pizza in months I'm feeling homesick Domino's counteroffer okay step up we're getting there Italian for dinner you for dessert there it is Jennifer 21 I like to be choked but sea turtles don't please recycle amen roses are Wow violets are Wow you are Wow Wow such poetry much romantic Wow judging people based on their looks you'll love roasting me then oh definitely you have so many visible flaws I had to match so I could point them all out to you ouch care to tell me judging from your profile Game of Thrones had a better ending than anyone who spent the night with you disclaimer I'm kidding very cute I just really wanted to roast shall we shall we start it should be shall we weird all of my tattoos are also sharpie we must go to the same guy I'm not sure my guys pretty exclusive what's the only form of payment he accepts antique buttons from the 18th century Brad he's not as exclusive as they thought not being six-foot is normally a deal breaker but for you I'll make an exception not being 125 pounds normally a deal breaker but for you I'll make an exception yikes yogurt cereal ice cream Madi from tinder I'm making a list of all the things I want a spoon later well what are you waiting for consent I maddie hereby consent to being spooned by Blink from tinder consent is good folks I'm gonna have to report this to Spotify it didn't show you on hottest singles this week I feel like I've heard this before I'm sure they would because I haven't made the charts look I've been thinking about this for the last three days and I still don't know what the fried mean can relate the great white shark has a mating call that could be heard 40 kilometers away I have a tinder profile with a range of 100 kilometers suck on that you stupid shark in your million years of evolution me one great white shark zero hey you're fine I if you're not a very good catfish why would you call me a catfish probably because you have no bio there's only one photo the only photo you have is pixelated to hell and reverse searching the photo itself pops up multiple websites hosting that image in Sydney Asia Malta us blurb story com I'm too rom-com etc I don't know who would fall for it it's pretty terrible damage throw him under the bus let's have a terrible relationship that lasts three days oMG we should start by meeting up but one of us is late and one of us accidentally goes to the wrong place really how is it possible by the way sorry for the late reply I'm rarely here how are you though looks like we're off to a great start I am your ideal woman 6/8 250 pounds of pure muscle only eat beef will bear a child sure thali Nations will be roughly the size of a Viking cannot read and do not want to learn I own 19 dirt bikes and they all have flames on the side a mentor of what is commonly known as aggravated assault looking for a very compact man to ride on my shoulder so I look cool no thank you are you a freak of course let's have a threesome who's the third your friend Brackett bring two friends bold move assuming I have two friends Oh Minh do you like cuddles do you like cheesy jokes are you lonely then this Christopher model is for you the Christopher model comes equipped with the following cheesy jokes cuddle mode listen mode can be buggy self-learning technology state-of-the-art brass technology act fast and order your Christopher now only one left in stock batteries not included RAF size may vary uglier in person your photos are surprisingly high-quality for tender are you real hey Liam I want to have perhaps with strangers who are also very skilled and intimate in bed if you are of the same interest like mine will spare time meeting me at WWI totally kidding I'm not a bot I hope you read this fart calm and try if we really compatible to have intimate and unforgettable experience in bed oh my god I'm very glad I actually read it the slightly off dreamer is the icing on the cake this was really hard to read correctly because of the Hat hey blank do you like poems yeah great I wrote one for you roses are red you're cute is a duck let's go on a date and then we can cuddle if you cash at me five dollars first how about 250 okay good god you're serious yeah what's the most someone's giving you without meeting 30 so I don't know why you won't do five well you just agreed to 250 a good businesswoman honors her word sure send me 250 I never claimed to be a good businessman he's right the old bamboozle hey girl are you a toaster because I want to take you in the bathtub with me no I'm not but you should take a toaster in the bathtub anyways Jess 18 you got to pay the troll toll to get to my butthole the toll is 200 shekels or if you have rubles I'll take 9 thousand of those I'm part age another half Asian don't swipe right unless you're part of a good Christian minecraft server no craft equals no shaft if you think my Crocs are coming off during grass and your friend wrong the Chinese did 9/11 raccoon enthusiast what if we kissed on the sky block server okay want to hear a really shitty joke yes l'm al why do hospitals have air-conditioning to make sure that people don't get overheated and dehydrated also to keep the vegetables cool and fresh what vegetables oh no Alexis b5 miss c4 sorry I thought you were a vending machine because you're a snack you ruined it oh I thought we were playing battleships for Frazee pretty sure we match before we matched on tinder ah yes and how did that go how did what go our chat on tinder don't remember do you I probably said want a smash and that's where it ended my guess ha ha ha don't know but now we can talk like we never met ok no leaf hey I'm blink how are you wanna smash what kind of pick-up line do you prefer give me 1 z 8 1 J 2 5 3 HK b 7 v x9 g TQ l 75 I'm lost that's the Wi-Fi pastor it said that you have it when you come over if the dog is there count me in bring the [ __ ] and that's a date nice if you're an aspiring actress I got a casting couch you should try you know not that kind of acting get your head out of the gutter what makes you think I'm not talking about an actual audition that just happens to involve a couch you're right I apologize what's the audition then it's a short film called backdoor for ass 9 why did the sperm cross the road okay I'm intrigued why because I put the wrong socks on this morning well blank I didn't know it was a secret your secret's safe with me and Benji you're lucky I'm not a grammar nut because otherwise I would roast you so hard with you are okay you're right you are secret's safe with me and Benji oh my god thank you so much for watching if you enjoyed what you saw be sure you hit that subscribe button and hit the bell see get notified every time you see PZ uploads and if you want subscribe to me hi I'm Zack I'm the narrator my link will be down below and well until the next one see you around [Music]

Channel: EzPz

Views: 417,442

Rating: 4.9427791 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit top posts, reddit best posts, reddit top posts of all time, top posts of all time, top posts, best posts, posts, reddit posts, reddit funny, r/, subreddit, top all time, reddit true stories, r/tinder, r/tinder top posts, r/tinder best posts, r/tinder emkay, tinder, tinder funny, r/tinder funny, r/tinder best posts of all time, r/tinder ezpz, ezpz

Id: oeGUFUeLsPE

Length: 14min 24sec (864 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 23 2019