r/Iamverybadass "I Have 100+ Confirmed Kills"

welcome to our slash I am very bad where twelve-year-olds talk about how many people they've killed my stages of anger one I stopped talking for about two to three hours to my faces get red faces and I started clenching my fists so hard they hurt three I breathe very deeply and loudly to assert dominance for I realize murder is illegal and I start cleaning you are here five I take a nap and pretend you don't exist for the remainder of the day six I pull up my shirt in my mouth and bite down till I taste blood seven I punch a wall one time I might have a problem when this guy said he get silent for two to three hours and goes off and his face gets red I just automatically assumed that he does this on his own like in privates but the fact that he starts hyperventilating to assert dominance means he goes through this entire process in front of other people can you imagine some dweeb just standing in the corner red-faced and breathing hard for two hours like woah dude you need some help true Hulk is stronger than Thanos but Thanos got technique he beat Hulk for the same reason I could beat Hulk I trained in martial arts for over six years so I too can put down a stronger and bigger foe who is untrained like the Hulk instead of the Avengers recruiting spider-man they should have recruited this dude xx Naruto fans 6969 X X this next pose is about an older couple being really slow in the grocery line I'd be pretty pissed if I was behind them probably just start grabbing their stuff and throwing it off the belt no you wouldn't you would stand there quietly with your frozen meal for one and 12-pack of Bud sulking and mumbling under your breath until they checked out when the cashier would say thanks for your patience you would squeak out with a no problem Epping people like you are all the same you are exactly right wrong these old people couldn't fight back I'd help myself to their groceries no you wouldn't yes I would that one woman can't even breathe without a hose attached to her face I could take them both on watch out for the disabled elderly destroyer over here folks he's a baddie is this guy actually bragging about being able to beat up old ladies and speaking of beating people up you had better hit that like button or else I'm coming to your house and beating up your whole family I have personally put over 1,000 people in the hospital because they refused to like my videos don't test me kiddo I used to stick pins into the pencil sharpener in fourth grade I had this teacher who was really strict and mean when no one was looking I would stick a big ballpoint pen into the pencil sharpener the pin would burst and spill ink inside and outside all over the sharpener I did this twice before she moved the pencil sharpener next to her desk so she could watch it then I snuck inside one day at recess and did it one more time you are now legally a legend for what lmao you think that's cool or awesome in high school I burned down an entire classroom LMAO all girls were talking about me what he did is literally nothing relax kiddo dude if you actually poop in your pants in the middle of school then all the girls will be talking about you in that situation too it's not always a good thing and this next post is a youtube comment underneath a taekwondo video some say this is a pointless sport because you can't defend yourself with your feet in the streets let me tell you something our legs have twice more power within our arms and with the right instructions this sport it can reach even higher speeds when I was in the sixth grade 12 to 13 years old I watched some anime with a dragon kick thing one classmate ride to bully me I jumped in the air and kicked him in the chest just like I saw in the anime I literally flipped three school benches with his body and I'm a super skinny son of a B so take that you can't defend yourself be as somewhere else I'm starting to take classes for this sports and the best thing about this comment is that it has one point three thousand likes think you can top this guy let me see your best are / I am very bad down in the comments list of illegal stuff I did today one I've aimed underage - I smoked weed three I drink underage four I drove with an open alcohol container in the vehicle and drove under the influence five exceeded the speed limit got pulled over but got off on a warning six went to the ski hill without buying a ticket they caught us and said we had to pay for a lift ticket and said if we do it again that they'll call the cops and we would have to pay a fine pretty effing great day and then in the comments and not all altmer says abbess bryce your pizza rolls are ready shut up mom I'm making a list and amazingly this next post is from a woman yeah you'd only say those sorts of things on the internet bet you'd cry and hide in person I usually reply with something like I am six foot two I am 215 pounds of Amazonian muscle i benchpress 425 I'm a black belt in three martial arts I did two tours in Afghanistan I took bullets and shrapnel in the second name the time and place champ smooches so what's really impressive about this post is that Opie beat the world record for women's bench-pressing by about a hundred pounds so who is something tells me she might be full of it and on this next post people are discussing whether or not women should be police officers one of them will pull you out of a fire the other will think affirmative action further job if you think police work is all about physicality you don't know anything about police work you don't know who you're talking to kid if you think physical ability is not relevant I'd love to see your face when a hundred and ten pound woman tries to pull your dead father's charred and burned body from the house smiley face no answer wussy your dad just burned alive in a fire because this little girl couldn't pull him out good job at being politically correct though you weak loser why would a police officer who doesn't have fire gear be running into a burning house because they are first responders not to burning buildings no I think maybe you need to watch fewer TV dramas and movies okay let me rish ape the scenario how about I beat the F out of you and your girlfriend when your neighbors call the cops I knock her out too and then leave how'd you like that so I'd like to point out that in this guy's earlier rant he talks about how you know how would you like it if a woman police officer tries to pull your dead father out of a burning house and then in the same post he says no answer wussy dude it's the same post you don't even give someone a chance to reply if any of my fans out there think they could beat up me are slash then let's hear it now what no answers none of you took me up on my offer before I publish this video then you must all be sissies last night at about 9:45 p.m. I was in Phoenix Arizona 24 street and bam Buren in front of McDonald's a homeless person approached me asking me for money I said that I have no money he then pulled a knife on me I tried to get out of the situation he sliced my shirt and cut me I then went in to kill mode I went into martial arts style I then swiped his feet from underneath them I broke his ribs arm and nose then I went for the kill then the Lord spoke to me and I backed off another gang member pulled out a gun and was going to shoot him I stopped him I yelled someone called the cops I text my girlfriend blank and said help I'm in danger called the cops I then dialed 911 the scene they took him down immediately I said he's in critical condition they also handcuffed me and taped off the area helicopters were everywhere they asked me why I didn't notify the Sheriff's Department when I arrived in Phoenix Arizona because I am a martial artist second-degree black belt I said that's not the law they released me an hour later right now status of the guy he's in critical condition in the ICU right now hands off ladies I'm totally spoken for I know all you ladies who read this hard dying to get with me but I have a girlfriend you know I have a girlfriend because I said it in this totally believable story I just made up I mean wrote who is this sorry man I think I added the wrong guy take care lo I beds Fe coward if you have a minute could we discuss the mortgage and how to deal with it hey this is Mike if you want to talk about anything you talk to me you got it I would but Sarah and I are the ones on the mortgage and she has the information I need to get this squared away you don't listen too well do you I said if you're gonna harass my girl it's not gonna end well for you never mind I'll just have my lawyer take care of its effing low you would have your lawyer step in wouldn't you wussy you can't handle me so you run to the police like a wuss and have lawyers trying to jam me up you think I'm scared of that BS bring it and see what I do put me in jail over words and imma take you to the pavement quick I meant I'd have my attorney contact Sara or her attorney in regards to the mortgage sergeant mash vine says it best based on his choice of spelling I'm not sure if he knows what a mortgage is as I said earlier I am a living contradiction two diametrically opposed dichotomies of self existence not a split personality not at all but a very conflicted and struggling person for F sake I almost beat a friend into a coma a week and a half ago because I failed to defuse the situation he was puking for five days from the concussion I gave him and that's from an out of shape and out of fighting practice me and the best thing about this pose is that his avatar is Jigglypuff which probably says a lot about how squishy this guy is in real life random wannabe gangster in pub landlord you got a good dentist coz I will knock your teeth out if you don't give me a free shot I say you got a good doctor cuz I will bite your stupid little hand off if you try anything you dirty little prick I heard your mate just say you're on probation and I will call the feds before I bite you and kick your balls so hard you will be on the floor until they show up now buy me a shot and pipe down sir random wannabe gangster sorry boss I was only kidding let me buy you a shot hashtag sick of BS hashtag got no time for that hashtag new me hashtag no more mr. nice guy hashtag you have been warned so every time I see one of these posts I just automatically assume that they're all written by like 12 to 14 year old boys but this post indicates that some of these people are actually old enough to go out and drink meaning there's people who are over 21 and think that this post actually makes them seem cool what I've been too nice for too long I feel like people have forgotten exactly how much I have control over I can turn water into wine and I can turn your life to heck I am a wonderful friend to have and I'm an enemy you don't once this post reads like if Jesus Christ went through an angsty emo phase and around age 12 I beat the stuffing out of a cop once for being a puddle and since he touched me first he got arrested and I got off fine and by God off fine I don't just mean the pleasant absence of any charges or court dates the hem female officers were quite pleased with my achievement of getting rid of them did everyone clap after people in the Armed Forces what's the story behind your nickname blackouts I tend to black out and go in full rage mode while in live combat I have over a hundred recorded kills using a pocketknife and I don't remember one of them huh you think that's impressive I have a hundred and one recorded kills with nothing but a dildo the other guys in my squad called me the dill Dominator then you're dumb a F I have never taken a single medicine in my entire life all you need is to eat healthy go in son avoid air pollution roll in dirt be a straightedge six out of ten times you won't need medicine the three out of ten times you can avoid by following the above lifestyle one time out of ten if you're super unlucky then go to an epic doctor I laugh when people take medicines like antidepressants painkillers fever pills just suck it up wussy so if this guy has never had any medicine in his entire life is this what the children of an tiebacks parents grow up to be assuming they survive childhood I'll let y'all out there and you all will know who you are if you read it and know exactly what I mean listen up I don't care what your reasons are I don't care what excuses you have I don't even give a flip about why you decided to be the way you guys are but let me set this straight you all sure had fun going out of your way to believe a stupid effing rumor about me and you acted upon it like fools tossing me aside as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do fine I can respect that you're all idiots and clearly you love believing whatever comes with more evil and tempt or action you had your fun for the past year and it's about time to stop if you still got a problem come face me and fight me jerks you think you can win I'll show you why you won't as I relentlessly beat you down with words and if it comes to it fists it's too late to go back after this so if you want to make up fine I bear no grudges for the past now screw with me though and consider yourself done and dead this is my last epic warning I swear to god before I snap and take you out for believing stupid rumors for something that isn't even close to being a joking matter that's a life and a future you could have destroyed and for sure that was a friendship you went and burned to the mother-effing ground no more either you choose to repent or I can destroy you like you destroyed me mentally last year in revenge decide and do it fast because your time is running out yes hello officer this is the post I was talking about that was our slash I am very bad and you had better subscribe to my channel otherwise I'm gonna SiC my killer attack puppy on you

Channel: rSlash

Views: 549,024

Rating: 4.8412275 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, comedy, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, iamverybadass, r/iamverybadass

Id: FrCxqlvCeUg

Length: 18min 54sec (1134 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 20 2019