Reddit, what is your favorite "no f*cking way" story? r/AskReddit | Reddit Jar

rajat what's your favorite no f king waste story one winter i went sledding down a popular hill in my hometown with my brother and his wife at the bottom of the hill there's a frozen pond my sister-in-law hopped on the back of my sled sitting backwards and we went down together due to the extra mass we started going way faster than I'd expected when I noticed we were heading right toward a little kid I just couldn't maneuver out of the way so I'll lean forward and scoop the kid up holding him up like Simba then I realized we were still about to sled into a frozen pond so I bailed out and held the kid was high over my head as I could I stood up set the kid down and looked around for his parents when I saw a big dude coming at me I was like oh sh t here we go then he got closer and I realized it was of my closest friends and that the kid I ran into was his son who I Babis it regularly I thought to myself no f king way and gave him a big hug the kid said he thought it was awesome double quote a few years ago I made plans to go see Nine Inch Nails in Massachusetts on their final tour with a friend of mine along with his two friends we are from NY on the trip in the am I sung Paper Planes comes on and three of us starts singing along making all the noises obnoxiously which annoyed the fourth guy Shane he tells us that he hates the song which ended up being bad idea because my friend found and purchased a single for that song complete with five remixes later that day we headed into town a couple days early so there was plenty of annoying Shane with the song along with making jokes about how maybe if we ask nicely Trent Reznor will play it at the concert the day of the concert comes and as the opening acts streetsweeper social club plays their set the singer announces this next song isn't on our album and launches into a cover of you guessed it Paper Planes it took a few moments to sink in because I really couldn't believe that it was actually happening it was too perfect here we had been annoying him obnoxiously for the entire trip with this song which the rest of us genuinely liked for the record only to have the opening act of the concert played out of nowhere my sister was driving down the street at 45 miles per hour with her windows open and a deer ran into the street instead of hitting this deer the deer jumped into her car through the window landed with its head in the foot part of the passenger side seat and its butt on the headrest the deer was freaked the f ck out and with its butt in the air proceeded to steal over the car she obviously pulled over several people stopped to help and asked her where the deer was she just stood there screaming I teased him the car I teased him the car a helpful man opened the door hold the deer out and the deer bounded off like nothing happened four imagery she was driving a late 90s Ford Escort at the time no one believes this story but it is 100% true a friend of an old roommate of mine was at the airport a few years ago and saw Bill Nye the f king science guy of the terminal next terrors eventually he got up the courage to talk to him but it was nothing more than small chat and praise Bill's plane gets called so the kid leaves ambien sits back down trying to digest how cool his life just became but a few minutes go by and all of a sudden he hears his name called bill noise standing at the gate and calls out hey kid science rules then boards the plane the day after I proposed to my wife we were at the science fiction Museum in Seattle W a there is an exhibit that is a giant tumbler full of yellow beads like thousands of yellow beads and one black one it is meant to illustrate the unlikelihood of finding life in the universe I called her over to tell her how cool it was and she just points at it casually and says there's the black one and she has continued to amaze me every day since good times my friend John is a paramedic and firefighter he also teaches and certifies first aid CPR now for those that don't know CPR is not very effective it has a very low success rate unless initiated soon after an incident which is why everyone should learn CPR even after revival many people have serious health effects one day John gets into a pretty bad car accident and goes into cardiac arrest the paramedics and police are dispatched the officer first on scene knows CPR and initiates chest compression on John John is revived and although suffered severe memory loss as well the kicker John taught the officer CPR the week prior to the incident my girlfriend and I were traveling in Italy had met this nice Australian girl on the train from Rome to Naples we chatted a bit and learned that she had just left her friend in North Africa to start travelling on her own fast forward two weeks and my girlfriend and I are now on a bus from Brasov Romania to Bucharest and we ended up randomly meeting the Australian girls friend that who was left in North Africa I was deployed in Iraq and was out on a convoy on Dec 31 2007 long story short I unknowingly pissed on an ID which exploded 30 seconds after I walked away this was on my birthday TLDR trudge trudge pissed trudge trudge boom do you have magic piss that delayed the explosion or are you just one of the luckiest people alive lucky my buddy John was up in the turret the hood of the truck that set it off went flying like a foot over his head edit incidentally about to stroke three of the explosive it was ammonium nitrate was apparently wet it had been buried there for a long time and a lot of it was ruined and didn't go off my brother's friends are twins and are friends with the Bush twins makes for a cute photo op about seven years ago they were invited to their birthday party at the White House it was a gag gift party as they are going through the metal detectors The Secret Service inspect the box with the presence pull out two giant black dildos they stare down my brother's friends before proceeding to burst out laughing I still can't ask King believe they went through with it the truly giant balls flying 1,100 miles for an interview I hear someone across the aisle yell my name I'm thinking that voice sounds familiar turns out it was one of my good friends from college I'm thinking no f king way he got an interview the same time I did and we stayed next door at the same hotel the night before the interview and now the housemates both got the job the end lorem ipsum dollar suit amat concept to a depressing alert said to be a smug temper incident at labora giallo Magnarelli choir attend a madman in vain 'i'm keys nostril exitation alam KO lavoris nice i italic whip XD a komodo Canseco it do sort are $1.00 in reprehend aret in vomit at villa deci silom Delory you fuji at nello Parata except sure Santa ki cat Cupid its Adnan prudent son Tim called [ __ ] efficient molly'd anime ID estate labora m-- when I was 17 I worked for a excavation demolition company for the summer we were gutting an old mill in New Hampshire to turn into high-end lofts one of the workers was standing on the top of some scaffold about 12 - 15 feet up using a handheld bandsaw to cut through a large pipe as he was cutting a strap supporting the pipe broke letting had dropped down and pinched the blade this made the saw shoot back towards him and push him off the scaffold this guy did a complete f king backflip while holding a working saw from over 10 feet up he landed on his feet saw still running everyone stopped and stared at him for about five seconds before we went back to work TL DR I worked with a redneck Jackie Chan in New Hampshire who does backflips with power tools a buddy of mine was in Yellow Springs Ohio tagging a wall that street slang for painting with spray cans probably illegally and he hears skateboard wheels so he lowers his cam he looks up and Dave Chappell falls by sipping a Frappuccino Mr Chappell says nice tag [ __ ] and keeps on rolling never stopping my friend then put down his cannon left shaking his head and laughing I was driving home to her a small town from a nearby city plus 200 miles we were in a pickup truck and I was alone on the back we can do that in Africa we were doing about 80 to 100 miles per hour all the way quiet roads no cops we get home okay I grabbed my stuff and get out and as my friend starts to reverse back out the front tire breaks off I mean like off axle sitting on the ground tire rolling into the road if that had happened anywhere on the road that truck would have gone ass over teakettle and I would have been spread across a 100 yards of tarmac my oldest and dearest friend and I met when we were infants we literally shared a crib together our parents have told us hundreds of stories about the things we used to do when were kids and we talked to each other three slash months I don't ever remember not knowing her she's 23 now and I'm not too far behind her she went to University of Michigan in Ann Arbor and I went to Michigan State University in East Lansing about three years ago I randomly went to Ann Arbor with some friends and was trying to find her to catch up and see her new place as I was walking and talking to her on the phone she mentioned she lives on M Street I joke with her and say ha I live on N Street what a coincidence we should do breakfast in the morning since we live down the street huh funny jackass just get here the address is 517 me wait your address is 517 and Street huh yes me my address is 517 and Street I get to her place and realize that not only do we have the exact same address in different cities but our cross roads are the same - she lives on the corner of and in Division I live on the corner of and in Division TL DR I've known my bestie for my entire life and we're both living at the same address in different cities at the same time what kind of strange spot-on numerology is that I was traveling through upstate NY and had stopped at a gas station this is the story that the Egyptian guy working at the register told me before his family moved to America they lived just outside of Cairo his father was driving home one night when he was flagged down by a woman walking down the road carrying a baby the woman wanted a ride just down the way and the father not wanting to leave us woman stranded up tonight where the child said of course she placed the baby in the back seat and then hopped out front with him when they got where she had wanted to go she opened up the door and sprinted away without another word now she's left the baby so the guy turns back to pick up the child and go run after her that's when he realizes the baby is dead she left a dead baby in his car TL DR guy picks up woman and baby woman leaves baby in car baby turns out to be dead met a pretty girl online meet her for coffee I mentioned my birthday and she demands to see my license confused I comply turns out we have the same birthday more chatting turns out she was drum major NHS and competed against my ex-wife who was a drum major in a school some 600 miles away and who also had competed against her ex-husband also her ex-boyfriend was dating my ex-girlfriend which is like the third time that has happened in this city of 1 3 M the most implausible part is were still together almost three years later might only be understood by college bras Altima tires I was playing some pick-up ultimate and there were some hot [ __ ] kids who thought that throwing her hair bounce was really sweet and playing can jam apologies to those who don't know what I'm talking about so I woke up as my jealous self and sale yeah i bet i can airbend sit straight through the slot a very difficult shot by itself let alone as an air bounce I nailed it walk to my car and left still have no clue how I did that was that Donald Glover stand up show a couple weeks ago at RIT during his routine he switched to a Q&A bit where he started talking directly with the audience as he's asking us what we want to talk about later in the show some girl screams out battle any turns out she was a poet who had won a freestyling competition for free tickets to donald glover and she wanted to freestyle battle him so what does he do he calls her up on stage then he says that we need someone to give a beat so he calls out for a beatboxer and brings someone else up from the crowd finally since he is participating in the battle he cannot run it sell out from backstage comes his derek comedy partner DC Pierson who was the opening act to emcee the event and set the rules for the freestyle battle they then proceeded to do a three-round wrap off TLDR Donald Glover gets challenged a freestyle battle during his standup by a college student accepts and it is emceed by DC Pierson I went out cruising with a friend of mine and his friends it was late probably around 1 a.m. or so and we were cruising down Main Street up ahead the traffic came to almost a crawl this is weird since it's late tonight we could see up ahead that there were three Ford Focuses all lined up and purposefully slowing traffic my friend's older brother who was driving hops in the median and gums it up to the Focuses we see that it's just a bunch of kids getting their rocks off doing a showlist things the driver says o f ck no he turns to my friend and says you know what to do he speeds ahead of the three focuses and pulls up on the side of the street my friend grabs a cordless drills from the back of the suburban urban the vehicle we were in jumps out of the vehicle and takes off the license plate the focuses were past us at this point still going slow to piss off the people behind them my friend gets back in the suburban and we take off the driver speeds up to the Focuses get in the median next to the far left focus flips them off then crashes his suburban into the Focus which in turn crashes into the other focuses at this point I am like what EF CK just happened we watch for a minute as we watch these kids trying to get over their airbags and start assessing the damage everyone in the vehicle is busting up laughing and we take off flying down Main Street when we got back to my friend's house he puts the license plate back on and pops the dent out of the suburban TL DR a friend's brother purposefully crashed into three cars because the people were driving like jackasses we got away with it I worked at a small restaurant on the north shore of Lake Superior the summer of my junior year in college the woman who owned it was an ultra conservative fundamentalist Christian they sold plots of land to people for y2k after a full summer full of craziness I had enough and wanted to go on a trip my brother and I and a friend decided to go see the Grand Canyon so I told the owner that I had to work on a paper for Bible School and would like to leave a couple weeks early she was reluctant but in the end sent me off with her blessing because I was doing the Lord's work so we head out on a road trip to the Grand Canyon never bothering to look on a map as to where it actually was we ended up somewhere out west at a place called the Grand Canyon that looked totally unimpressive so we headed up to Glacier National Park as an alternative we pulled into a gas station near Glacier and who the f ck do I see but the owner that I'd lied to and her entire family that I'd gotten to know throughout the summer I ducked down in the car while my brother walked by them and looked at me with this what the [ __ ] expression on his face we tore out of there and I never saw them again what are the odds I wouldn't call it my favorite because this is just off the top of my head but it is the only thing I can think of at the moment last week I was hanging around outside one of the buildings on campus between classes and I saw some guy come out of the doors who looked extremely similar to one of my TAS last year I thought to myself holy [ __ ] that looks like so-and-so but I knew it wasn't him but the fact that it looked like the TA made me think back on that class I had last year for a few moments literally 30 seconds after the look-alike walks out of the door the actual TA came out of the door it was very strange almost like being reminded and subsequently thinking about the person had summoned them awhile ago my dad and I had a driver pick us up from San Francisco Airport to drive us home since there was a lot of traffic we had a bunch of time to talk and shoot the [ __ ] turned out that the drivers daughter was the fiancee of my dad's nephew my cousin who both live in Cleveland we attended the wedding a few months later and again reconnected with the driver while there we started talking some more and then he introduced us to his wife apparently her and my dad went to the same high school graduated the same year and even dated for a few months this was in a very small suburban town outside of Cleveland small world indeed this isn't that amazing but when I was in third grade my sister and I were taken by our father to Toys R Us to get our first pokemon cards it was just when pokemon cards got really popular so it was a big deal we received five packs each after waiting in line behind dozens of other crazy parents we had to wait outside the store before it opened on our way home my sister opens her first pack of cards and there it is Cera's it I nearly sh t myself trying to explain how amazing of a card she had just received her response ooo it's shiny I'm really bad at telling stories but I'll try my best when I was about 10 I traveled to Newfoundland where I made one friend who was the same age as me I was only there for a week and left to come back home fast-forward 10 years without any contact between us I'm waiting outside my classroom for the previous class to finish and who walks out yah the one friends I had made 10 years ago I'm positive this will get buried but I like telling this anyways while visiting family in Michigan for our family reunion a few years ago I live in California there was the KKK rally in the small town that we were staying in being a young black teenager semi flipping sh t that there is an actual white supremacist rally going on I decided to hold up in the grocery store where coincidentally six other black people most likely everyone of color in the town were camping out as well I made eye contact with a guy that looked nearly exactly like me just slightly older he claimed to be driving through the town because he is on a road trip with his friends from Hialeah Florida I told him I was born there and then adopted and moved to California he was immediately curious about the implications of how this happened and I told him my biological mother's name and that she was too young to take care of me so she had me adopted after he has this he pulls out a picture of his mother at her high school prom I reach for my wallet numb with incredulity as my fingers pull free the same exact picture of this young woman we have the same mom we're long-lost brothers TLDR I was stuck in a convenience store during a KKK rally in a random town and found my long-lost brother of 16 years this happened back in my undergrad days on the day of an econ midterm because the lecture hall is so large and the class has about 300 students the professor needs a microphone in order to speak to the class so he's in front of the class giving his whole speech about the exam 50 questions multiple choice make sure to write your name on the scantron turn it in up here where you're done etc , finally he bids us all good luck and leaves the lecture hall into his office which is in the adjacent room well he didn't realize that he left his microphone on so while the entire class is dead silent during this exam we all listen to the events that unfolded inside his office we hear the brief muffle a conversation he is having with the female TA of our class then the conversation stops and it becomes painfully evident that they are having sex the quieted moans of the TA are magnified on the speakers in the lecture hall the entire class remained dead silent no one wanting to be the first to make some kind of move finally the professor yells loudly oh [ __ ] and the microphone abruptly shuts off twenty minutes later the professor walks out into the lecture hall as if nothing happened he was fired a week later TL DR professor leaves microphone on during examined class listens to him bang his TA in his office when my Mar was about 19 or 20 her and her twin sister were shopping in Lake City when they were approached by a man in a nice car he asked if they wanted to get in and maybe have a drink Ma said he was rather handsome but they turned him down later that year it was revealed on the news that the man that had approached them was Ted Bundy and after they turned him down he abducted and killed his last known Florida victim TLDR model must got killed by Ted Bundy he is mine I was walking my older dog one night around 10 p.m. I had him off leash since it was late and we were in a neighborhood no one to bother I kept track of him for poo duty as he sniffed around and we were approaching an intersection the house we were walking along was 20 feet from the sidewalk where I was and was edged by very large juniper bushes which he was checking out suddenly he stopped and delve into a bush this was odd considering he was nearing 10 years old and although he's active he's not crazy like that note lad husky mutt for reference out of the bush comes some sort of snarl scream and all I could think was [ __ ] he got a raccoon and out leaps an immature mountain lion at least 20% larger than my dog it runs off down the road and I stand there terrified yelling no f king way as he comes back to me wagging us like he's the greatest dog ever which is very likely considering that cat was much bigger than me it was probably his most well don't rawhide bone he's ever owned ninja reddit regarding bone ohrid it's you so silly once waiting in line at a restaurant I see the guy in front of me I think I recognize him but I don't know what from the entire time I am waiting I am searching in my brain as to why I knew him he turns to me and says do I know you double quote we both stood there for a good 10 minutes going through high schools workplaces friends etc anything to find out why we knew each other as far as we could tell though there is no reason at all we should have ever met before but we both clearly recognized each other to this day no clue [Music]

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Keywords: reddit, r/AskReddit, ask reddit, askreddit, updoot, toadfilms, sir reddit, reddit jar, askreddit funny, askreddit dumb, reddit ama, reddit ask me anything, r/askreddit, reddit stories, reddit story, askreddit scary, askreddit stupid, scary stories, askreddit new, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, askreddit top posts, subreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, askreddit stories, best of reddit, reddit best, funny askreddit, storytime with reddit, r/

Id: CP48ngCTbps

Length: 25min 51sec (1551 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 23 2019