Nurses, What's the most entertaining thing someone has said coming off of anesthesia? r/AskReddit

nurses have read it what's the most entertaining thing someone has said coming off of anesthesia patient here with a great story nonetheless when i got my wisdom teeth removed i apparently had a religious experience i'm agnostic ire i told my mom who was with me that i saw people walking on water next i kept telling her that i saw jesus apparently when the female nurse came back into the room i did the catholic sign of the cross and whispered to my mom that's him that's jesus double quote the nurse lost her [ __ ] when i got my wisdom teeth out the nurse was trying to wake me up and said okay it's time to open your eyes can you open your eyes for me i said say please she said please very nicely and i opened my mouth as wide as i could a man asked me if his body parts still belong to him and i still think about it la mayo probably wanted to make sure kidney is coming an equal kidneys coming out i had a male patient who as he woke up mumbled i'm not pregnant double quote i hope i say some stupid tea when i go under for wisdom teeth removal lol i was coming out of anesthesia and the nurses in the recovery room were all poking fun at each other about which hogwarts house they would be in me according to my ex-wife i'm a house elf double quote and through the haze of drugs divine he woke and spoke a single line a single phrase to phase and shock he cried excited dart dobby s sock double quote did a short stint in recovery as part of my graduate program i got proposed to a couple of times same guy would walk past me in the corridor a day later and not recognize me how rude proposes and then ignores you just because he didn't like your reply colin p not a nurse but my twin sister started speaking fluent spanish to my mom after she woke up from getting her wisdom teeth removed we're half puerto rican on our mom's side so we've grown up hearing spanish but neither of us had ever carried a fluent conversation with her in it but apparently my doped up sister could it's weird how the mind thinks for me it took until i could start thinking in spanish to speak well i make mistakes but a lot better looking back when i was young i only spoke spanish when i stopped thinking about every word i was going to say [Music] me coming out of it at the dentist's office me you have to save them double quote dentist save who me the owls double quote dentist what else double quote me the owls trapped inside the gas machine they were hooting i could hear them you have to save them double quote was a student nurse for two semesters on a placement in a post-op ward an old guy had a reaction to the aesthetic thought he was back in the korean war kept trying to get out of bed to help his mates the two nurses couldn't figure out how to stop him they called security meanwhile i walked up and in my most official sounding voice said to the nurse i was partnered with stand down lieutenant i'll take over from here she looked confused but moved aside i said to him soldier you took some shrapnel you need to rest and recover now stand down or i'll have you caught martialed for insubordination understood he looked at me for a second looked around replied nice and loud yes mom and went back to bed also not a nurse but i had ankle surgery last year they gave me animal crackers after and i remember being really upset that i didn't realize until the last cracker that i forgot to look at the animals and appreciate each one one does not simply eat animal crackers without acknowledging which animal they're about to eat but in your case i think you had a good excuse not a nurse but was in charge of my sister after she got her wisdom teeth out got her in the car and she was bowling wouldn't stop crying and trying to put her fingers in her mouth mind you she was 20 at the time i got her back to my apartment and she's having a hard time staying upright so i'm helping support her as we walk up to the door she's still crying but is now trying to do a heel click we almost fall over my neighbor sees us and runs over to help open my door we get her inside she then proceeds to spend another hour crying about how she wants to write a harry potter pride and prejudice crossover ballet in which she would play dumbledore lizzie bennett and mr darcy herself i then asked her who i would play she said hedwig and emma collins that's when it stopped being entertaining not a nurse my wife woke up from a surgery and started pointing into the middle of the room and in a soft voice said fcku fck you and you what's that smell she then looked over at me and says when did you get here yaya shatlol she doesn't cuss much so i got a good laugh out of it i once told the nurses to stop i wasn't asleep yet i wasn't ready they laughed and said they were done another time i came out saying sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you don't almond joy has nuts mounds don't no clue why i was singing this but the nurses thought i was hilarious and let family know this happened had that for a wisdom tooth removal woke up asked when they were putting me out they said i was done i then sat up and felt like the fun part of a week-long bender at the dentist i woke up like a shot from anesthesia got up and ran through the office dental assistants chasing me i ran to the washroom still drugged up looked into the mirror and while pouring my num face said i need to make sure i don't look like joan rivers we had to slide board a patient from the stretcher to his bed after an endoscopy you put a board between bed and stretcher and then grab patient and slide them over to bed with sheet underneath them my patient screamed w-e-e-e and then proceeded to tell us that these are the best drugs ever and that it felt like the 60s again middle-aged woman with obvious surgical enhancements coming off of anesthesia from a diagnostic procedure i was listening to her lungs with my stethoscope and told her all right nice big breaths she said thanks i just got them done it was so hard to compose myself haha now i say deep breaths not enough but when i got all four of my wisdom teeth out at once i woke up and immediately asked can i eat kfc now and they all got a laugh out of that so that was the only thing i cared about probably not as entertaining as i hoped but i got a laugh out of them so yay when i had mine out i immediately asked what time it was they replied it was only like an hour after i'd been put out and i was like damn you guys are good hahaha [Music] i came out of it in the middle of a conversation with gandalf i was trying to sell him tupperware a friend of mine woke up after surgery and stated i want to eat a christmas tree easier ways to increase fiber intake maybe he was just craving vitamin c not a nurse but i woke up from surgery pissed because the anesthesiologist told me he was just giving me oxygen but then next thing i knew i woke up in post-op i told the nurse that btch lied to me and she just said okay and went to get my parents lol i had a strong dislike of needles ivs as a teen so they offered me laughing gas to make it so i didn't care about the needle i remember them opening my mouth and preparing for surgery and i was pissed as hell the whole time because the laughing gas just made my eyes itchy and i cared very much about the needle and here they were about to cut my jaw open when i was still awake then there was sunshine and a cactus and then i was in the passenger seat of my mom's car apparently they wheeled me out and i briefly came to outside the office next to their cactus but i was too drugged up and full of gauze to really say anything at all not a nurse but i underwent a procedure and had to be put under anesthesia according to my dad who was in the room the doctor asked me how i was feeling and i said to him i feel like [ __ ] can i go back to hell not really funny i guess but it was funny at the time it wasn't something he said but i had a patient in his 50s attempt to motorboat his wife when she came to pick him up she was mortified and i managed to keep a straight face while giving her all his post-op instructions not a nurse but after i got my wisdom teeth out i was convinced i was clark kent and kept taking my glasses off and mumbling i'm superman and then i cried when they told me they were going to put my teeth in the incinerator because for some reason drugged me thought they meant all my teeth my brother got his wisdom teeth out not too long ago when he woke up he started laughing a lot like he wasn't laughing super hard but he was laughing for supper long and it almost sounded monotone after a couple minutes of just flatline laughter he stopped and mumbled chicken like it's what he was laughing at don't know why but it stopped him from laughing for a bit not a nurse but i had dental surgery at a hospital in bangkok a few years ago i had pretty much come out of anesthesia and was just waiting for the doctor and discharged stuff there was this giant aussie guy also in recovery and he kept trying to sneak away like he'd look around grab his iv pole and tiptoe toward the exit the nurses were just kind of herding him around the room back to his bed then he'd do the same thing again the nurse with me asked if i wanted the curtains closed and i was like hell no i just had major oral surgery and this is funny so she and i sat there for nearly 20 minutes watching his shenanigans nurses have patience like saints i swear not anesthesia but postop in aiku pt had brain surgery for a neuroma he had a brain drain in but otherwise was fine me hi sir i have your dinner do you need help pt no i can do it what is it me white fish pt ugg me it's brain food pt if that's the case i need a whale i laughed for two hours after that after my spinal surgery i was talking about how excited i was that voldemort wanted to marry me when i was in high school i was just getting put under and feeling loopy for a wisdom teeth operation and the nurse was making smaller talk with me and told me she graduated from the same high school i went to and was on the dance team and i told her no you weren't you have to be pretty to be on the dance team right before blacking out i think about this sometimes before i go to sleep at night nurse i am so sorry to do you like that when you were just doing your job my grandmother gets very angry when she comes out of anesthesia and swears everyone abused her during surgery the night after her hip surgery and lots of angry accusations and having to be tied to the bed for a good portion of the day i spent the night with her at the hospital she had a confusing and restless night and was in a lot of pain but very out of it the next day the doctor came in to talk to her about being moved to the rehab center she started ranting about how it better not be the same place she slept last night because they made her sleep on the concrete floor of a barn everyone tried reasoning with her but she would just point at me and say ask that girl she was there after a few minutes of increasingly agitated ranting i just said it's a different place nanny and that settled that i don't remember this but apparently when i woke up from getting my wisdom teeth removed i wanted to get the teeth back i was pretty adamant about it but the dentist compromised by letting me take a picture of them on my phone i was looking at my phone and saw the picture and i was like what's this and he explained what had happened answering is someone coming off of anesthesia while in the middle of surgery i tried a dog biscuit too in response to my surgeon telling his colleague how he had to eat a dog biscuit while pledging another time i squeaked like a dolphin while in the middle of surgery kind of weird i remember doing it and my surgeon was freaked out that i knew i did it one apologies for the format first time poster two not a nurse but it's still a funny story my brother was coming off of anesthesia after getting a tube down his throat he has this issue with dairy where his throat swells and it's hard for him to swallow things and he was talking to my mom before saying mom you're an [ __ ] she asked him why and he said you woke me up from the best nap ever double quote sorry if it's not that funny but i got a good chuckle out of hearing this story not the nurse the patient i have not been given enough gas for the first time i was still numb just very vaguely conscious a nurse reported me for starting to scream anti-semitic slurs at my surgeon during siege electrode implanting mind you from my point of view it was putting the mask on taking three or four drags wake up some seconds later in a different room screaming anti-semitic slurs that a jewish man in a jewish country with about a third of your skull fully exposed and with holes in it is not a good idea thankfully he was kind enough to not lobotomize me all the level one general anesthesia patients were sneezing and in no pain i was walking by and sneezed i was almost to the door and heard a subdued voice say bless you never did figure out which patient said it but it was so sweet another time it was a co-worker who'd had surgery and when i went to check on them they wailed i just want everyone to lie naik me it was funny as hell because it was a doc who used to yell a lot i'm a paku nurse almost no one is funny when they wake up from general anesthesia they'll often be sleepy or cranky some people ask lots of repetitive questions like how long did the surgery take 5-10 times often the patients will be in pain that's about it yes i have a hard time finding an anesthesiologist who is willing and able to do what needs to be done to control my post-surgery nausea so i wake up and immediately start asking for zofran nothing funny about spending an extra three days in the hospital because you can't stop throwing up i came out of anesthesia to a nurse shoving cookies into my mouth telling me i need to eat except i couldn't remember how to chew so my mouth is full of soggy cookies and i can't chew or talk so i just grunted like a child at her and shook my head away from her hand she told my mother a nurse practitioner and midwife that i act really childish no [ __ ] you're airplaning me a cookie when i'm not able to communicate to you that i don't want it obligatory i'm not a nurse had a colonoscopy back in my mid-20s guess i kept opening my eyes during the procedure because they taped my eyes shut woke up couldn't see and started screaming at the top of my lungs that i was blind mom ripped the tape off and told me to shut the hell up she never swore so that was even scarier than being blind i ask this also as someone who did silly things coming off of anesthesia after my wisdom teeth got pulled at the time i was buddhist and i took off a lucky buddha necklace before the procedure apparently that's the first thing that came to mind when i came to also that and my dad had the wit to make me write down my thoughts after i woke up that's the only reason i know i asked for it i work in the ore funniest was a guy quickly sat straight up after extubation we're all standing around him making sure he doesn't try to jump off the table he looks at me and then slowly gives me double finger guns turns his head to another staff member and slowly gives them finger guns didn't say a word just finger guns a lot of people wake up really crazy they start swinging or just get really restless on a narrow or bed it's nice when people wake up sleepy and i'll just bundle them up with blankies and roll out kinda long sorry i worked in an er and we had a patient guy about 18-20 years old who had a spontaneous pneumothorax collapsed lung not quite as bad as it sounds he basically had a small area of air between his lung and chest wall we had to put in a small chest tube to remove the air we did a moderate sedation basically kinda knock him out but not put him completely under one of the meds used was versed which has an amnesic effect so they don't remember anything procedure is done and i'm monitoring him when he starts coming around he looks at me and asks so when are we going to do this thing i said we're already done look at your chest had a drain dressing in place he looks down then looks at me and says dude how do you do that double quote maybe not the best story here but it happened 20 plus years ago and it still makes me laugh i was waking up from a tube removal due to an ectopic pregnancy and i remember hearing the two nurses in recovery giggling and tittering about i know i said something but i don't remember what but they both came right over and when i opened my eyes they were both leaning over me asking how i was doing i told them i was fine and asked if surgery went well they said it did i didn't have my glasses but the clock was right in front of me i said good lord is it really almost 1am they said yes and i closed my eyes i could still hear them and chatted with them but my eyelids were super heavy i did ask why they weren't pushing me to wake up and one said oh honey you're the only one here take your time double quote about 30 minutes later i was being wheeled back to my room on my bed and asked if my husband was back yet he had to leave to go finish a final for his degree and he passed with flying colors lol and they said yep he's right over there and pointed to my left i flung my head to the left and yelled hey toots and fell back asleep backstory my grandmother desperately needed a hip replacement she didn't want the surgery but it had reached the point where my grandfather couldn't care for her unless she got it and had to give her the ultimatum to either have the surgery or move into assisted living something she absolutely did not want she had some onset of dementia so everyone was extremely worried about what the anesthesia would do to her mental condition after surgery they were asking her questions to see if the anesthesia had affected her cognitive functions my grandfather asked do you know who i am and her response was you're the dirty rotten little sew and so who did this to me as she pointed at her leg oh she had also named both a stuffed cat and her cane george anyone else she didn't immediately recognize by name while the anesthesia wore off was also dubbed george there is nobody in our family named george not after anaesthesia but after at b w skull fracture i was very concerned with whether a heart emt would think i was fat five feet nine 145 so no i don't remember that day at all but my co-workers indicated i was rather happy three thanks for keeping me alive hot empty guy whoever you are a 15-year was waking up and talking more and trying to get out of bed before he was ready bud where are you going i've got to go to my locker buddy you're in the hospital you can't go to your locker right now so where are you trying to go serious expression the air fatigue had my appendix out and according to my wife the doctor came around with a bunch of student doctors and pulled my gown to the side to show the keyhole scars now the bottom one is below the pants line and i wasn't wearing underwear and apparently i said don't act like you're not impressed then closed my eyes they all had a good laugh my wife was mortified and i was sound asleep still hear about it from her almost 10 years later i once broke my wrist playing soccer in georgia the country it took about an hour for a sheet metal grey ambulance van with a red cross spray painted on the side to arrive in my village 30 minutes for the ambulance van to restart its engine with village oafs pushing it down the road and another hour or so to get me to a city with a proper hospital by then i was in need of some proper drugs the doctors hooked me up to an iv and started palpating my wrist while i lay there watching i expressed my doubt about the whole procedure i don't know man i said in english i could speak georgian but had switched over to english for no apparent reason comma that looks like it should really hurt i don't think the medications are working double quote and then bam for an instant i was as high as i'd ever been on anything i sat bolt upright in my bed my god i slurred to the doctors this is unbelievable you know what you guys could make a killing if you sold this stuff come to america people would be lining up out the door you could make a bazillion dollars if you sold this [ __ ] poof i woke up two hours later with my arm done up and the jankiest cast i have ever seen seven years later i still have a decidedly janky left wrist but i didn't have to pay a cent for it so i had that going for me which was nice [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

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Id: YO8tjccZi4o

Length: 24min 20sec (1460 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 16 2020