r/Cursedcomments · defeat the baby

i spent 50 hours buried the life in the coffin go watch my dad's been doing it for five years mr beast bring it on he won the coffin challenge where's my hundred grand by the way cougar here i made it to either 10th or 11th place this time next year i'm going for the win damn it how's it going you beautiful and wonderful people of the internet i'm cougar i'm today's narrator welcome back to easy peasy and today we're diving in our slash oh god it's cursed comments with that said let's get to it remember you may make mistakes but at least they're usually not we can see your mistakes from space bad step ship i'm stuck i'm stuck in the dryer okey dokey opens reddit reads this comment closes read it i'm good for the day girls during puberty bloodborne bully's during puberty beat saber yeah me during puberty bloodsaver i stuck it in a fan it hurts so bad change color in a campfire add borax for green flames water softener salt for purple flames tablet salt for deeper orange flames epsom salt for white flames add flour for more flare-ups add sugar for sparks add magnesium to go blind and maybe blow off your hand who knows it's a gamble me meows my cat wondering how i committed more war crimes than him wait a minute mr fluffy's what did you do in kosovo kosovo go gospel i might be an idiot i can't pronounce it moving on i'm trying to conduct global martial trade but i'm dummy thick and the clap of my whole plates keep blocking the suez canal why do i gotta learn about global news like this because it's the internet nobody youtube recommendations at 3am emo boy versus a goose gone sexual it was risky but it was worth it nsfw what is the disturbing fact you wish you could unlearn it takes three full rotations to remove the human head because of its skin elasticity edit how is this popular you're telling me that people don't know this fact that's useful not disturbing hey it helped me dispose of a body last week good to know friend thank you this is hand of blood a german youtuber who always dresses according to the game he plays this time he played wot so he dressed as a tank i just thought people need to see this yes comrades i will destroy you in tank costume you might want to stay away from wolfenstein yeah yeah what is this disturbing fact you wish you could unlearn that tumors can grow teeth i prefer to call them children but okay yeah they are basically tumors they leech off you they're pain in the butt it's hard to get rid of them yep kids kind of suck and i was one ideas for uni students if you study art history you should try a real degree i mean we don't want to reject them either went rather poorly last time oh no oh no you monster this woman just came and bought 300 worth of fireworks and it was being nice and said ooh are you planning a big bbq and she said no my son has muscular dystrophy and was supposed to die by 18 we're celebrating his 40th birthday tomorrow he likes fireworks wow what a beautiful statement it's not like some comment on the internet could ruin it not the best way to put him out of his misery if you ask me i mean just saying fireworks are a little little weak hey reddit i just lost my virginity and because of that i am quitting reddit it was a great time no no you can stay if it's a family member ooh burn burn on redditors bitcoin ain't the only thing going on sperm cost is skyrocketing your balls are a gold mine my socks network they're higher than elons all right good for you but i'm glad your socks net worth is so big also i went to a pretty good university is my sperm worth more i don't have to be a narrator anymore see you guys i'm going to a sperm bank they told me i was too ugly to donate sperm so i guess i'm back yay wednesday restaurant is small but the owner is creative so the waiter asked if i wanted to go top or bottom and i think that's where the confusion began your honor i really think that was where the confusion began i wanted to top and you know i told him i like it rough so yeah your mama's deal there order was so big it's still up global tried that error is moist critical or bel delphine they're in a war right now i mean one of them's gotta win eventually that freaking fleshlight cutlass won't do enough not making any edgy memes because people could get offended making edgy memes only about china because they can't access social media anyways redacted removed missing band guys i'm still a lot was this world is so messed up me my kinky wife her cat everyone gangsta until the cat learns how to do this too you're lying if you said you didn't poke the hole with your finger yeah but it wasn't my finger jump down it's a portal loop okay if you say so whee oh god the floor is getting really close a woman battling breast cancer married the love of her life on december 22nd just 18 hours before passing away the couple wed at a hospital chapel in connecticut what do i speed run any percent come on dudes that's not cool look how happy she was scientists find skeleton of nature's first sexual predator it's always nice to see discord mods embrace their cultural heritage i love the onion so much a portal of your mom nice my mom died five years ago i can't wait to see her again thank you oh um okay our bottles are watertight we can go swimming get water in our ears nose and mouth our butts however no water at all amazing on a more serious note that's because it's a sphincter fun fact blowholes from whale slash dolphins are also a sphincter basically whales and dolphins have a butthole on top of their head or we have buttholes inside our booties after last night i think you're right oh my oh my wait i can sell my kidney for 62 grand gaming pc is on me boys it's more profitable if you sell someone else's huh my brother's asleep right now i'll be right back guys good news everyone i got gaming pcs for all i got a dead brother though nah bro that's a picture of humpty dumpty getting it on he put his head up there that's so weird ender retexture i love the original textures but the colors have never made sense to me anyone else uh the pearls are testicles that's why some endermen don't drop them okay fair enough the coronavirus lasted longer than any of my relationships it's easy to last longer than something that never existed and yet their relationship lasted longer than yamada's love for you or cougar in bed he he's not doing well my girlfriend broke up with me because of my constant zodiac puns it finally tore us apart she had aries too no she just had cancer she had cancer i would look for one with my name on it like those coca-cola bottles your death will not be in vain chloe starts grilling tom holland's visiting a kid so is captain america so is robert downey jr hey yo it's godzilla over here how you doing little buddy i heard you want some super cancer from my radiation oh how sweet godzilla made sure it wasn't cancer that killed him yeah i did i'm filled with radiation i gave him super cancer i don't want much for myself i just want the person reading this to be healthy happy and loved wishing you a good day i am a serial killer but thank you this comment just gave me the will to continue my work thank you friend i will kill you last breast implants should contain helium so your enlarged badonkadonks don't feel as heavy as they should helium would slip through plastic slash silicone slash glass so you could suck them for a squeaky voice as well i'd love to hear a baby laugh on helium who said anything about a baby my bill after getting bit by a snake declines and they bring the snake back in this is dr rattles he's gonna bite you because he couldn't pay your bill because the american health care system is terrible what is disturbing fact you wish you could unlearn my mom told me i have my grandma's nipples well give them back that's rude hey sherry can i please have my nipples your mama cut them off with a butternut when a vegan says their pet is vegan too but the pet is a rabbit okay i'll let it go my pet tapeworm is a vegan i'm so hungry all the time having a pet as a pet having a pet as a friend having a friend as a pet i like you or what if having a pet as a friend with benefit no no no no only i would make that joke me looks at crush crush looks at me my brain ah is this love i like imagining people's desks too it's so much fun laura cross blossom size was an awful mistake nigel west one of the original developers of tomb raider admitted years after the game first released that the size of laura's gist was merely a mistake in the golding he made the mistake because it's hard to code with one hand it's very odd dude people actually probably did whack off to this exact image because like oh my god those square boobs are so hot my grandpa just turned 91. this is his birthday present to himself wow grandpa likes to go fast intra crowds of people i'll finally get the youngins for riding the scat boards girl are you a microwave because um because you belong in the kitchen now that's a real line a real sexist line seven inappropriate moments james bond wouldn't get away with now you will never take away my right to put a dwarf in a suitcase damn it meanwhile in a cave in china one earthquake you'll be playing with kobe the most dangerous phrase in the language is we've always done it this way come on let's mix it up ahazin says but we've always done it this way the other replies this is how you replace a heart valve that's the most dangerous phrase in the human language the first surgeon replies hardly as he inputs a fruit loop into the patient's chest this will be his valve he will be a fruit loop in a world of cheerios that comment is the only acceptable response to this quote he will be a fruit loop in this world of cheerios i love this leaked footage from inside the ship stuck in the suez canal we've done it boys global trade is no more but skipper how are we going to commit war crimes without the weapons that were on that ship just smile and wave boys just smile and wave the coffee shop had among us cookies today they should make one of the cookies the imposter and just freaking poison it or like put mayonnaise in it or something like that but when a boy and a girl kiss it makes a baby right did i miss a page i kissed my girlfriend and she got pregnant can confirm kiss makes baby the baby is different color for me and my girlfriend though bro that's super rare it's shiny if i'm correct about the odds that's like one out of eight thousand one hundred and ninety two you're locked in a room with the snowman in the carrot jigsaw tells you to put the carrot where it belongs putting the carrot on the snowman's nose unlocks the door and sets you free putting the carrot on the snowman's dick would be pretty funny but detonates a pipe bomb why was my first instinct on my butt because you enjoy a good time buddy it's one of the coolest looks at a live volcano incredible drone footage shows icelandic volcano first eruption in 800 years looks like satan's ejaculating today boys well that's because he's so horny about how terrible the world is these days he's winning when you see a good meme but instead of upvoting it you press the home button no no stay with me don't leave me made me laugh to be honest who nutted in batman's eye i want you dead i want you dead so bad my father is dying please stop beatboxing friday night funeral david the baker would have been better at that what if your phobias are based on how you died in your past life people with a phobia of death the prophecy is true claustrophobic people hmm hydraulic press intensifies oh god don't press me daddy australian arachnophobe here what part of country are you in i need to know so i never ever visited in my life an australian with arachnophobia is like a [ __ ] girl with a semen allergy you could have freaking picked any other analogy but you picked that one and and i'm proud you did i'm proud you did light it linda do it look at the kid's face he wants you to light it i wonder if she farted with the holes make a flute sound also she's doing that exercise very very wrongly very wrongly anonymous testicle checker booth debuts in new zealand it's all fun and games until someone is recognized by touch oh hey tom wait honey is that you yeah i got a job to pick up some extra hours at the clinic you know we wanted a new car and this is how we're doing it babe the whole family lost weight by working out together the only thing my family lost together are teeth and virginity oh my you're from uh you're from the real real deep woods aren't you you're like wrong turn level in zesty poor not bad hot girls want to get freaky near you astronauts huh it could be any one of us any one of us at all over here i wonder how the physics of the nut would come out in zero g okay if you shot it in just the air it ball up i think if i remember correctly but it also comes out with some force what happens if it's inside someone i am so confused and i don't want any of these questions answered ever krispy kreme offers vaccinated customers free ride on glaze conveyor belt portal to come dimension gotcha why is this one so funny sometimes you're the canal sometimes you're the boat is this about anal in a way isn't everything about anal yeah it is high five high fives are about anal depending where you put the hand so you're telling me the g-spot not a place where homies hang out together it was but they couldn't find it okay so i got some constructive criticism from my first attempt at drawing birds many people said the legs weren't realistic enough i think i finally got it though let me know what you think a freakable bird this is like if furry things were real this is what they would actually look like no thank you a man walks into a library it's a librarian do you have the new book on living life with a small penis she searches her computer and says i don't see anything i don't think it's in yet the man says yes that's the one my dick was in the guinness book of world records until some librarian told me to take it out my penis is so small that when i put it in a girl her immune system tries to fight it off might be hey i might not have the biggest penis but at least it's the skinniest damn it at least i got the skinniest one god my life sucks i am a teeny [ __ ] stator and i believe in you you can do the thing you're right i can rob the bank i can murder the innocent i can create a new virus that i'm gonna call corona yes thanks you fox tato the law of equivalent exchange what you send him what he sends you joking dummy master have given dobby a jizz sock dobby is free yo my fat butt thought this was fried chicken i mean you can still cook them it'd be wrong but it's a delicacy in peru i believe man remember when miss frizzle took the kids to go get nutted on by salmon so that's how aquaman started what come on the magic school bus and get pregnant with a fish god god that show is cursed now that i look back at it oh my gosh you saved my kids uh yeah yeah totally i did crm enters a building on fire but the people are still alive so he stands there and watches them burn alive so he can do his job best job ever not dead yet okay i'll be back in 10 minutes have fun don't die too fast but please die fast well if you made this far hopefully the fox tato didn't tell you to murder people anyways feel free to like comment subscribe let us know we like see more down in the comments below have a good day and remember be the best of people you can be

Channel: EzPz

Views: 367,438

Keywords: reddit, reddit top posts, reddit best posts, reddit top posts of all time, top posts of all time, top posts, best posts, posts, reddit posts, reddit funny, r/, subreddit, top all time, reddit true stories, Cursedcomments

Id: lTtElJU0uWY

Length: 16min 59sec (1019 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 02 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/I_Am_Hamilton]

"Defeat the child before it grows up an defeats you"