r/AmITheA**Hole For Completely Shutting Off My Neighbour's Water Supply? - Top Posts Of The Week

g'day there guys it's your aussie hubby marky back at it again with another episode of r am i the a-hole now if you love this one like i love you be sure to smash that like button and tell me what you think about it who is the a-hole in this situation anyway guys i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn on the barbie and get ready for some bloody good contents posted by user flat foot idiots titled am i the a-hole i cut somebody's water off as they were wasting it 30 years ago my grandfather dug a well it supplies our home and has a pump to supply water to a mini water tower thing to give our homes water pressure another person built a house nearby and there was an agreement for them to plum into our fresh water supply for limited domestic use cooking cleaning toilets etc this agreement has stood for 10 years without any problems so what's been going wrong the house next door was sold it's now starting to get hot so the neighbor next door has been filling a swimming pool i don't see a problem with this what i do see a problem with is they fill the pool and drain it every single day based on my calculations they're wasting close to 400 000 litres of water every single day when i told them they can't waste water like this they told me to go screw myself because the water is free and nobody owns it so i gave them a warning showing them that the water supply belonged to us and it wasn't free at all i was told to f off again i watched as they filled their pool again and drained it again i simply turned off their valve supplying their home which is on our land they now have no water whatsoever as they tried to fill their pool again this morning they're now complaining and whining about not having any water i told them they can get a tanker to come and fill their pool and supply them am i the a-hole about this not the a-hole morally but you need legal advice not the a-hole what the heck is the point of filling and emptying the pool is this some pool maintenance strategy i'm not aware of no i have a pool it's time consuming and downright stupid my same thoughts not the a-hole i hate dreaming my pool and what's the point of doing it when you have fresh water in it and you're going to use it the next day it's just a waste of water pools are a lot of maintenance and they may not want to deal with it even though draining and filling every day is probably more work could also be that their filtration system isn't working or maybe it's so hot that they want the water to remain cool and not heat up over multiple days not defending anyone for this for the record this is incredibly stupid and wasteful the only thing i can think of is that they're too lazy to properly maintain the water if they fill it fresh and drain it every day they might see it as a workarounds to chlorinating and proper maintenance i'd maybe amend that first sentence slightly to too stupid rather than too lazy there's no way properly maintaining a pull is more work or time intensive than refilling and draining it every single day most of the articles i can find online suggest poor maintenance is a weekly endeavor not the a-hole that is an absolutely ludicrous waste of water yeah like who does this then they told the person supplying the water to piss off i would have done the same thing not the [ __ ] posted by user firm share 3 titled am i the a-hole for buying my fifth property rather than helping out my siblings for context even when i 44 male was a child i was incredibly into earning property and designing houses i work as an architect and am doing quite well for myself bought my first duplex here in germany a long time ago where i rent out both parts then i own two houses in italy and one in spain two of them are getting rented out as holiday homes while the last one i use for vacations and rent out a room to a friend of mine so i have a lot of passive income at the moment but only after a lot of time and money investments and refurbishing of these houses i rent in new york city at the moment as my job has moved made me move here temporarily my brother 48 male does an apartment he has a family with two kids while my wife and i are childless they are currently looking to purchase a house that fits all of them nicely while they have found their dream house it's out of budget for them meanwhile my wife and i are about to buy our fifth house this time in france it's going to be one of our largest purchases yet significantly larger than anything else we have done it's a great deal on the property however and ideally what my wife and i want to retire in when having a family face time with my siblings and parents i brought it up initially very happy for me my brother mentioned how he needs a larger home for his family and how i should give up on this opportunity to give him money for his house and spend the rest on refurbishing their new home i just laughed and said flat out no edit thought this was a joke this was apparently the wrong move my entire family turns against me and starts berating me after 10 minutes of them taking turns telling me to buy my brother a house i said i'd think about it and left i am a bit of a pushover so after talking to my wife we agreed we could wait and buy their house and rent it out to them at no profit apparently this was insulting to him having his younger brother be his landlord and my parents said i should just outright give him the money we have been saving i told him to pay off and started moving forward with the paperwork on our house in france after talking to my friends they said i should put family first and it's not like we are struggling for money now i am confused am i the a-hole edits this edit is super late but i just want to clarify my brother does have money for a four-bedroom house he isn't broke just not enough money for his dream house the dream house is approximately double as expensive not the a-hole first off i believe when there's an expectation of gratitude to the point of getting upset at not receiving it it becomes greed plain old selfish greed it's admirable you decided to turn the biggest gain in your home owning career thus far into a gift for your family with a very reasonable landlord agreement they are being ridiculously entitled for just assuming their better off relatives are obligated to give them a house for free edits and i can't believe the irony behind them feeling insulted by having family be a landlord but don't think it's insulting to demand a large amount of money from family just because they're more financially successful thank you for your comment there are a couple of comments here i'd like to respond to but yours seems best to me it's a bit of an upsetting situation for me actually they've used my holiday homes before free of charge and i have college funds for his children and my sister's child i bought his family an suv when his second child was born i think we are reaching the point where he thinks i'm more of a bank than a brother yeah you're a bank to him not a brother he's being greedy if he was really desperate for a home he would have took your offer plus you have money set aside for his children and your sister's child you bought him an suv clearly he's using you this may sound harsh but i believe you should cut him off permanently if other family members act like you're the bad guy cut them off too you didn't mention how his kids act towards you but if they're anything like dad just cut them out you sound like a generous person you don't need that from them sometimes family isn't really family when you share the same dna i learned that the hard way and had to completely cut family out of my life sounds like you made wise decisions with money it's not your fault that they don't know how to manage theirs good luck to you enjoy that house in france you gave them a very generous offer if he was desperate he'd have been grateful and jumped at it i can understand a large family struggling in a small apartment but anyone struggling would have thanked you for your offer it just shows he's not desperate and just wants money and luxury handed to him i'm sorry that your family is just seeing your money not the a-hole at all for what it's worth i'm your brother in my life i have two kids in an apartment and just can't afford to purchase what we need right now my sister-in-law just bought her third home and they'll admit there's always twinges of jealousy and the fleeting thought that it'd be nice if she'd help us out but that's just me being a brat obviously i'm not entitled to someone else's money i can sense jealousy from my brother at times too given your personal position do you have any ideas of how i can adjust something like that without becoming a bank account for him i also have a sibling who makes substantially more than i do i do okay but they clearly have more there are certainly times when i'm jealous of them for example her getting to stay home with her children but me realizing that's not financially an option for us what is nice is that they will occasionally cover expenses for things as a gift for me if i come down to visit they will likely pay for dinners or if we go shopping they may pay for whatever i'm buying i think the key is that they are small gestures and done randomly i certainly don't expect or ask for things they just offer however it sounds like in your case they are expecting large amounts and unwilling to compromise in your case i think you're justified in totally backing off and not giving anything while you are still not the a-hole i think the timing of your announcement has more to do with this i think everyone agrees that in a perfect world everyone is happy for everyone else but it's not perfect instead it's very predictable it was very easy to see where this was going to go as soon as you posted that you announced that you were going to buy a fifth house while your brother was struggling to buy his first your family doesn't have to know all your business while it's understandable that you want to share the news of your good fortune with your family it will never be fully well received unless you're willing to actually share your good fortune next time wait until closing so you can honestly tell them your money is all tied up closing costs posted by user private buckeye titled am i the a-hole for not letting my sister and brother-in-law sleep in my room instead of the living room my sister brother-in-law and their son moved in with me for due to financial issues they have been here for around a month now i only have a two-bedroom place though so my sister and brother-in-law have been bunking down in our living room and their son is staying in my son's room they've asked if we could change their sleeping arrangements so they sister and brother-in-law get one of the bedrooms and the boys stay in the living room she said she and her husband were having problems because they never have any privacy for just the two of them i said no to that because my son who is autistic needs to keep his sleeping arrangements and space the same otherwise he will have a meltdown and i'll have a hard time getting him to bed my sister understood that and then asked if i could stay in the living room then instead of the couple who could share a bed and yeah from a neutral point of view it makes more sense but come on this is my home i want to keep my private area to myself in my home it's already driving me crazy having them here all the time it's only going to be worse if i don't have some place to retreat to i also don't want to have to sleep on a couch or air mattress in my home i want to sleep in my bed or i don't wake up with a backache also let's be real i don't want my sister having sex in my bed if i had a guest room i wouldn't care but then being in my own personal bed just makes me uncomfortable like i totally get that not having privacy and not being able to have sex sucks for them but i don't think that should affect me so i told her no to that too and now my sister and brother-in-law are basically giving me the silent treatment they're also both getting snippy with each other and arguing in hushed tones wait she asked if she could have your son's bed so they could do it whenever they want that's just wrong she asked if they could have the room for privacy and time alone but to me that sounds like they want to have sex that's exactly what they wanted info is your sister-in-law paying any rents they pay for utilities and groceries let them stay on the couch you're in the right and the fact that they want privacy to have sex in your bed is very disturbing not the a-hole but you should make sure you're within your rental rights to have that many people living in your apartment if it's not allowed in your lease and you get found out they can rightfully evict you so now you and your child have nowhere else to live sis and brother-in-law need to stop worrying about sex and start worrying about having their own place to live i'm not renting i own the place oops my bad apologies for assuming i'm not sure they're being the a-hole because so far it seems they've respected your answer sure it's a little weird to ask that but generally i'm okay with people asking so long as they accept the answer but their concerns are real so maybe you could try to help them out by taking the kids out every so often and letting them have some time to themselves not that you're obligated but it would be a really sweet thing to do like have that little hey i'm taking the kids for a movie have fun wink wink just a thought as of right now not the a-hole not exactly anywhere i can take them yeah let's take the kids out during the pandemic that sounds like a good idea posted by user part yogurt closet 7 titled am i the a-hole for not telling my wife i had a vasectomy i've been married to my wife for two years now and she's always wanted to have a child with me she mentions it often i've even been trying to have one with her the problem is that i've had a vasectomy and she doesn't know my ex-wife came over and dropped off our three kids nine five and four and she's pregnant by her now husband well her and my wife were talking about her new baby and if she knew the gender now my ex knows that i've been fixed as i did so after our youngest was born well my wife says i can't wait to be pregnant we've been trying to have a baby with no luck but it will happen when god allows it my ex just smiled and then she looked at me and i knew what she was thinking with the look she gave me later she texted me and told me i needed to tell my wife the truth and that she had baby fever and it was cruel to give her false hopes and pretty much called me an a-hole so am i the a-hole i know it's a little dishonest but it would break my wife's heart to know the truth i've even been quite unquote trying to have one with her and that's why you're the a-hole obie you're the a-hole this is exactly why so what every month your wife tracks her ovulation you two have sex multiple times during the fertile window and then you comfort her with maybe next month when she gets her period with every passing month she doesn't get pregnant you keep her hopes and dreams alive with lies what type of selfish a-hole are you what are you going to do when after a year of trying she goes to a specialist to see why she hasn't conceived are you going to refuse to go with her tell her the truth and let her choose the life and partner she wants maybe it's you maybe it's someone else but she deserves to make an informed choice he'll probably insist it must be her since he has three biokids already it's definitely what he's been doing ropi is the crappiest person i've seen on this subreddit in a while and that's saying something has to be a troll i'm thinking and if this bloody pandemic's been anything to go by you have a lot more faith in humanity than i do you're the a-hole if you're not a troll you sound like a sociopath trying to pretend you have emotions about this who the hell lies about being able to have children with someone they're married to and actively trying to have kids with for two fudging years i know someone who contemplated getting a vasectomy and not telling his wife after they were already married and knowing that she desperately wanted a baby and yes he is a sociopath yes this he's only worried about upsetting her because it will upset his reality i hope it's fake it's so gross look i'm gonna go with here chief this sounds fake to me and if it isn't fake jesus christ oh i hope he gets clapped for that that is just a miserable thing to do to someone that's probably one of the worst things you can do without hurting someone but you know like physically but you probably are hurting them physically jesus i'm twisting my own words here op sucks i hate op posted by user someone someplace titled am i the a-hole for telling someone to stop jogging with their french bulldog as you know french bulldogs have breathing issues due to their deformed noses i saw a girl jogging with her french bulldog i told my wife i wanted to say something but she said not to so i didn't a few days later i saw the same girl and dog around my neighborhood walking so i took this chance to say something i told her to please consider her dog's breathing issues when jogging she told me when she jogs with him she does intervals of light jogging for one minute then does three minutes of walking for 15 to 20 minutes and she only does this every two weeks never in the summer i see where she's coming from but i told her he's probably not doing too good she then says he runs constantly in dog parks for more than an hour so he's fine i told her that's different she says okay i hear you have a great day honestly this is a rude response since i feel dismissed are we in the mind of a karen right now so i ask if she's going to stop she says probably not at this point i'm mad so i tell her she shouldn't have gotten this breed then she then says yeah sure then walks away i told my wife about this and she said this is one of the dumbest things i could have done and i should have minded my own business so was i in the wrong you're the a-hole it started okay you had a concern for the animal's well-being and seemed to voice it respectfully she then showed that she was in fact knowledgeable of potential issues and planned to properly for them as well as showing that she knew her own dog better than you do at that point you should have backed off instead you escalated and for that you are the a-hole things went bad when she dismissed him it sounds like he thinks he's entitled to her attention there's a weird dynamic here i know so many people that are annoyed by this word but good lord the man splaining eta i can't respond to all the triggered replies i'm getting but i like hearing them so please keep going because you've made me realize that the only people annoyed by this word are people i love to annoy i am the all-knowing dog whisperer peter veterinarian expert and you will listen to me i heard little gideon's voice here from gravity falls should have listened to your wife you're the a-hole exactly opie should have listened to his wife because what that girl does is none of his business you're the a-hole oh and it sounds like she was trying to be polite and dopey was feeling entitled it is his business to politely ask if she is aware about the breed's safety after learning that she was aware of the issues and more aware of them than he was he should have backed off the it's none of your business is an outdated mindset but as you said she was nice about him voicing his concerns and reassured him she knew about his breathing problems and had solutions to avoid exacerbating them then he became the massive a-hole when he continued exactly those dogs can have serious issues so it's fine that he mentioned something at first lots of people can buy those types of dogs because they're cute and they don't do much research however once she proved knowledge about the situation he should have shut up and moved on she's obviously done her research and she knows her dog better than he does he's a massive flaming a-hole posted by user lost in the cloud's ex titled am i the a-hole for saying i love my dog more than my kids i've never had a motherly instinct don't like strings attached or being tied down i've worked 60 plus hour weeks since i was 18 and when i'm not working i like to party i ended up getting pregnant with the party friends with benefits 20 years ago fortunately for me he was willing to take the baby and let me sign over all rights and responsibility i quit partying went through the pregnancy and gave birth to a beautiful set of twin girls i felt nothing that a mother should feel they were gorgeous but i felt as if i was looking at my friend's babies all i wanted to do was heal and get back to my life my family didn't care either way and the baby's father had a solid support system with his parents and few sisters so i felt relieved it was a win-win i promised him before the girls were born i would provide for the girls financially but i did not want to be the mother figure without fail i have paid for their school vacations etc since they were born they chose to have a relationship with me but not in a mother-daughter capacity i'll be around on birthdays or holidays if the timing is right but don't want them waiting on me i want them looking to their father and their mum for parental support i see her as their real mom he got with her less than a year after the kids were born and they've been together ever since but see below a few months back we had a good-sized new year's party at my apartment the girls and their parents were there with many other people we have had parties like this many times the twins have also been coming around my place more often in the past few years to hang out and whatever our relationship could be described as cool auntie slash nieces they've never made it apparent that they felt any kind of way except at this party something happened and i said something along the lines of my dog is my baby i couldn't live without him everyone was drinking and whatever i said was in a flippant lighthearted way but twin number one gets snippy and passive aggressive then number two starts saying serious crap i abandoned them i never loved them i'm a crap mother and the worst i left them to be raised by a stepmother their mum left in tears their dad was livid and i told them to both kick rocks they're lucky to have a stepmother like her name that they would have been a lot worse off if i was their mother figure i told them that they can pee off until they apologize to their mother and resolve the conflict between themselves as a family fyi in my opinion and from what i've witnessed in the last few decades those girls can do no wrong in their mother's eyes and are treated like princesses dare i say spoiled they've been in therapy since mid-teens and have never expressed these feelings to their parents me or their therapists i don't feel it's my place to resolve this conflict be present in the discussion yes if asked but not be the mediator so am i the a-hole you're the a-hole for the simple factors you hang around those children have a biological link and yearning for you and for them to hear that must be awful especially when you won't go away it would be better for you to be absent than for them to hear they come second place to a dog she was providing for the financial support she promised and the girls wanted to be with her how is that her fault the girls are at faultier for simply thinking that their current mother is trash and that they can just treat her like that it's not opie's fault that they have lashed out it's on them you can't treat adults and children as equal in this situation they are not children anymore from the op i think they're in their 20s and that's absolutely crappy behavior with their mum because yes their stepmother is their mum and the opie as their aunt just like opie said this kind of abandonment issues would have appeared way before that if there was ever an issue before teens can't control their emotions that well and would have lashed out if it was ever a problem now it just sounds like an adult temper tantrum meant to hurt and nothing else you don't stop being the child in the situation even if you think they're in their 20s abandonment issues don't discriminate on age and also there is only an assumption the stepmother has treated them well at some point you need to be a grown adult and take responsibility for your words actions and feelings this applies to them as well wow this is such a bad take it's shocking knowing how black and white you think this issue is they are not children anymore okay but how old were they when this all started opie said the kids chose to have her in their lives but at what age she mentions coming around for birthday parties which makes it sounds like they were probably relatively young and of course children who have been abandoned by a parent are going to choose to have their parents back in their life their children and having a deadbeat parent who flits in and out of your life on their own schedule hurts children every time you're kidding yourself if you think you wouldn't have a problem with this if op was a man we're just not used to seeing mums in this situation kids don't understand child support they understand that you're their mother and they have fun with you but you're never around and you don't call them and they don't know where you are or what you're doing and their friends have moms who pick them up from school and make them snacks and care about their problems and they love you but they're confused it was never fair to put them in the position of deciding to have their mother halfheartedly in their lives or never see her again there was never a possibility that they wouldn't deal with any sort of resentment or abandonment issues they're human beings saying that you love your dog like a child to the children you abandoned is obviously incredibly insensitive because yes their stepmother is their mum and the opie is their aunt just like opie said it's not up to opie to decide her daughter's relationship with their stepmom only the daughters can choose that you don't get to abandon your kids and come around twice a year and be the fun aunt uncle and abdicate 100 of the emotional responsibility your kids are still going to have feelings about you and they're going to be incredibly complicated this kind of abandonment issue would have appeared way before that if they were ever an issue before teens can't control their emotions that well and would have lashed out if it was ever a problem the goal of you thinking you're in a position to state that because the girls express their feelings at 20 instead of 16 they must not be real it's just astounding to me i don't even know what to say to that i guess i didn't realize that there was a statute of limitations after which your feelings become fake and invalid if you haven't expressed them and that you a random person on reddits get to decide that point for total strangers i can't imagine what world view you must have to read this situation and assertively state that the girls definitely don't have abandonment issues it's certainly not an ongoing problem at all and that they are obviously just petty vindictive bad people who choose to hurt others for no reason because they're 20 and 20 year olds are adults and adults don't have issues only teenagers just wow yikes am i the a-hole for abandoning my friend at a club due to a panic attack prefacing the actual story i suffer from adhd and sensory processing dysfunction whenever sensory overload occurs i tend to react extremely irrational i also want to state that i made my friend aware of that shortly after we met a year ago or so still my condition does not stop me from attempting to get into situations where sensory overstimulation may occur such as a party or a club after all i can't just crawl into my shell all day long every day yesterday i was in such a situation my friend and i decided to have a night out at a local club to celebrate her newfound job she's been homeless for a few months and just to have a good time in general things started out well shots were poured laughs were had and stories were shared after about two to three hours of fun she suddenly decided to get a sig unfortunately she didn't bring any herself instead she decided to simply go into the smokers area and ask around if anyone was willing to share she asked me if i would join her but as a non-smoker i decided against it so she left me to my devices and went for a sig five minutes turned into 10 15 20 minutes slowly the effects of my shot were fading away and i started to realize how full the club had become music started to appear louder to me people kept shoving past me and i just felt left alone and the sensory overload started to creep in i felt anxiety and nervousness take a hold of me i started contemplating trying to find her and tell her but i decided to suck it up and stay put don't ask why but for some reason i didn't want to disturb her smoking session just as about 25 minutes had passed she suddenly returned with a guy in tow she offered him drinks and asked him to join us i politely shook his hand but my brain somehow perceived him as just another load onto my already overloaded brain i also didn't want to put up with being third wheeled that night either so that's when i snapped my brain was in full fight or flight mode when she turned to the bar to order new shots i simply grabbed my coat and walked out i eventually reached a bus station and got a ticket home only when my anger and panic started to fade the realization crept in that i'm probably a massive a-hole and a [ __ ] for leaving her alone in a club at 2 am i quickly messaged her apologizing profusely but trying to explain i acted purely on instinct she was pretty drunk so she was just confused however as i woke up this morning i tried to call her to talk it out and she just snapped at me for not telling her that i felt unwell and accusing me of not trusting that she would understand instead i left her alone in town in her let's just say attractive outfit with no way home last trains to her place for the night had already left so it was two to three hours till the first morning train which is totally fair that's exactly what i did i just hadn't thought about any of it while in full flight mode she rightfully lost old trust in me well i have to come to face with the realization that i didn't trust her either since i didn't expect her to understand that i was feeling unwell hence why i didn't tell her but am i really the a-hole in this situation or should she have been more considerate yes you're the a-hole you'd know this could happen so you both should have made a plan b and even with your sensory overload you should have told her you were leaving you're the a-hole don't abandon your friends in clubs especially if you're their ride home i was not her ride home she just wanted me to stick around because being alone at night sucks even if it is just waiting for the first morning train which i guess is true or potentially because some women are nervous doing this solo you're the a-hole you are responsible for how you handle your emotions even if they are negative emotions you left her rideless and drunk in a club with a stranger you're the a-hole i understand having mental issues but it almost feels like you're using them as a scapegoat in this situation it's up to you to take measures that'll compensate for your sensory overload problems like setting up a plan b for example you refused to interrupt your friends smoking which i'm sure would have been fine to them in your case but if i was that friend i wouldn't want anything to do with you after what you did you abandoned your friend instead of communicating your issues meadow update on me abandoning my friend to the club so reddit rendered judgment and labeled me the a-hole for leaving my friend at the club which is totally fair i could have communicated my rising anxiety a million times better than i did i'd plan to have another talk with her anyways but she showed me the cold shoulder until yesterday evening when i was finally able to reach her by phone so i apologized and admitted i had been lying to her about feeling well because i did not want to ruin the evening for her which i did anyways she told me to grow up teenagers made those mistakes out of insecurity but a 24 year old grown man should not which is fair she did turn this into a little bit of a mental torture session detailing all the reasons why it's a dick move to leave a female alone in a club with no way home at 2am to which i responded that i really thought she was a club veteran and as such would not be phased she went on to complain about how far removed from reality my thinking was which once again showed that i probably didn't make it clear to her that this was my first real time at a dance club with a girl i've been to bars and pubs before but always in groups with guys never alone with a girl so yeah major screw-ups all around guess i really didn't think this through at all but the worst l was yet to come eventually of course the whole thing with the third wheel other guy was a topic too and i took a deep breath and decided that if this friendship was on the knife's edge right now anyway i might as well go all the way to get rid of all the tension so i told her that jealousy also played a part in my actions that her behavior had not only attracted other guys but me as well and that i thought i had been replaced once she had pulled another guy turns out the dude was never going to be her one night stand but just a friendly dude she shared a sig with once again i showed my social immaturity by thinking every guy looking the way of her would want to bang her the real shocker however was that according to her if i had played my cards right she might have even considered an fwb situation with me i wasn't totally unattractive to her and it does not take much for her to have sex with someone for fun i decided to end the call at that point i needed some time to reflect in the end i think i have made some valuable life experiences no matter how late they might be but i feel i lost a friend in the process so there you have it a bit of sweet follow-up to a pretty big aholish screw-up good that you tried to make it better i know you learned something the real shocker with this one dude this is so not true she is just throwing it there to have you hanging well basically what i should have done is just ask but she could have asked too shrug she probably thought i was only in it platonically which was true for most of our friendship no dude she was never going to sleep with you she's just saying this crap to mess with you 100 she's lying and messing with you since she said that i've seen a number of girls and had a few girls who were crappy dates pull that card relatable opie you were the a-hole in this situation but your friend sounds like a real piece of work first leaving your friend by themselves while you smoke for 20 minutes is unbelievably rude less rude than abandoning them entirely to be sure but what the hell and telling you you were a dick so i don't want to be your friend anymore by the way i was totally going to screw you but you dropped the ball come the frick on you don't need that crap in your life definitely use this as a learning experience because you should have handled the knight better but she is so far from innocent in this that it is unbelievable that this sub is making you out to be the only bad guy i'm glad the other side of the story came out in this part because we don't always see both sides we don't always get all the information i feel like we got a good idea of the situation in this one and i'm happy how this one ended posted by user jump brad jump titled am i the a-hole for asking my wife to visit her obgyn after we have been having trouble conceiving as the totals suggest i 28 male and my wife 27 female have been trying for a child for about 6 months there are a couple of factors at play here as to why we may be having difficulties so my thought is to rule out as much as possible she has a bleeding disorder and a family history of ovarian cysts and i'm a bit concerned about whether or not she'll even be able to have children yesterday we found out that for yet another month we were unsuccessful in my frustration i put my hands on my head and she immediately followed with why are you making this about you i tried to explain that i was struggling with each month getting our hopes up and that she probably felt the same way she didn't want to hear my side and it ended in an argument about how i make it about me i could understand how i could have put my feelings aside but in the moment after hearing a null again i was a bit distraught i followed up by suggesting that she go and get a checkup for the last nine months she has been without insurance she quit her job to pursue a dream of hers and has no benefits i recently was able to get her on my benefits and so this is a possibility she is making the claim that it is her body and that that is her decision i can't force her to go get checked up her big hang up is that the doctors typically say that you need to try to conceive for one year before bothering them with any concerns of issues with pregnancy we are at month six i suggested that my wife tell a white lie how will they know when we started anyway in order to find out if there are any issues with her bleeding disorder or cysts she again reiterated that that isn't my choice and that she wanted to wait for a year again i'm only hoping to rule out medical concerns for conceiving i am in no way accusatory or think that it is her fault hell the problem might even be me but am i the a-hole for asking or requesting that she goes and gets a check up for issues conceiving you're the a-hole for two reasons a don't lie to doctors about how long you've been trying to conceive they say 12 months because that's a reasonable amount of time that there might be an issue so don't waste their time and b you don't seem to care about getting yourself checked out you see it could be your fault so you should be jumping in to get yourself checked too wait six more months as is recommended if nothing happens you can both go and get tests the one year thing isn't a hard and fast rule when i went off birth control with plans to try conceiving my guide told me to come back if i didn't have a period within three months and wasn't perfectly regular within six three months later i was back he did some tests and diagnosed me with pcos he got us started with clomid while i was waiting to get to the local fertility clinic if there's a reason to suspect an actual problem they will check for it the one-year wait is more common when there is no apparent problem definitely don't lie to the doctor but it's not unheard of to get a checkup prior to trying to conceive maybe opie and his wife should start there especially if she has been without insurance for a while you're the a-hole i've had so many friends be told that they would have difficulty conceiving some for years some adopted one was told it was impossible all of them now have kids most have quite a few just calm down wait a little bit quit worrying about it six months is a tiny bit of time in the life of a child enjoy this time with your wife love her maybe go to therapy to relieve your control issues or anxiety and just relax but definitely stop trying to make your wife do stuff she doesn't want to do just stop it makes you an a-hole i second this wholeheartedly you both need to stop worrying about trying to make a baby and then just enjoy making love and having sex you both are putting too much pressure on each other and trying to follow up a life plan but life isn't planned out it just happens just enjoy each other with no expectations and wait the year out aita follow-up asking my wife to get an omb guy in check-up i posted a while back about asking my wife to go get checked since we had been unable to conceive for about six months of trying i logged out of reddit after the post and came back to several posts saying i was the a-hole and that i should get checked myself i had actually already ordered an at-home semen analysis test prior to posting and it came in a few days ago i decided to take the test and found that i had a negative result meaning that the problem is likely a result of me and not her she's being supportive of the whole ordeal and i have ordered another one to be sure i will take it in a few days i suppose i was the a-hole all along wanted to provide a follow-up for those who said that i should get checked because i had already planned to nevertheless it is my weight to bear now about seeking treatment and options by user throwaway 179 titled am i the a-hole for giving away my son's cats so my son 15 has had a cat spacey for seven years he loves spacey he sleeps on my son's bed and my son takes care of him quite well i recently started to date someone who is allergic to cats it's not a sniffle allergy but a pretty severe one not deadly though my partner and i have started to get more serious we've been seeing each other for a few months now and i can't have him over often because of his allergy so i decided to rehome spacey my son is very upset about this and yelled at me saying i was selfish and throwing spacey away for some man i haven't known for very long since my husband's death i haven't really met anyone that i've clicked with i didn't know what else to do am i the a-hole edits i was on the fence about whether or not i was the a-hole or not i didn't want to upset my son but please understand i have had no companionship for many years since my husband's death and as such i reacted quickly when there was a chance i could lose this man too i'll speak to my son about getting spacey back home i hope i do not lose my partner but it is better than losing my son your responses have confirmed what i'm thinking thank you for your judgments um yes obviously you're the a-hole that cat was a part of your family and most importantly he was your son's beloved pet for seven years nearly half his life you re-homed that poor animal for your new boyfriend's comfort i say this is someone who is severely allergic to cats and had to re-home my own out of necessity to preserve my own life i was in and out of the hospital multiple times before i made the heartbreaking decision to re-home my cat i can tell you that if it had been one of my parents who chose to give away my pet without my consent for the sake of their boyfriend and girlfriend's comfort not even life just occasional comfort when visiting i would have been livid and i never would have forgiven them that is selfish and plain sociopathic the cat was there before your boyfriend this is not going to win you or your boyfriend any awards in your son's eyes be grateful if he doesn't resent that man and you for the rest of his life for that betrayal and cruelty disgusting you're the a-hole we need a new tag spa for super a-hole teenagers need their pets to help with anxiety not sure why the dad isn't there but that cat probably helps your son cope not sure if this guy read the post but okay pets become family members are you going to give your son away too if he becomes inconvenient your son probably thinks you will you're the a-hole you are the mayor of a whole town here not only did you give away a cat you stole it from your son and destroyed any chance of your son having any semblance of a good relationship with this dude that you only recently started dating updates am i the a-hole for giving my son's cat away i spoke to my son and we're getting spacey back tomorrow he's not far from us and the new owners family friends are happy to return spacey especially as it has not been very long since we re-homed him my son is very happy he is still angry at me and that's understandable i can't believe i did such a thing it's not an excuse but i was caught up in feeling something again after so long and when my partner told me i had to rehome spacey i just listened i have not spoken to my newer partner about this yet but i suppose that doesn't matter thank you for your help you're the a-hole as much as i'd like to forgive you for getting the cat back i doubt your son ever will please seriously reconsider your priorities not the a-hole now that you've reversed this situation however if you do thoughtless harmful things in the future just because it's easier to go along with what your partner wants then thinking things through and doing what you feel is actually right then you go back to being an a-hole i agree i'm wondering whether my partner is good for me at this point i am still an a-hole for what i did reversing what i did doesn't absolve me and i understand that for what it's worth this can be a learning experience feeling like you have someone who loves you and you love back is a powerful thing it often leads people to make bad decisions giving up things they love is one of the most common such things as is making major choices without considering the consequences it's also easy to give up people you love usually that means losing touch with friends but it can also mean forgetting that your son is your number one priority and your only family now this happened to you to your credit you listened in the last post and are trying to make things right but what you should remember is the feeling that led you to make such a decision remember that in your next relationship as for the partner details are everything if he knew it's the son's childhood pet and he still said lose the cat or lose me then he's the a-hole because let me tell you something about relationships in a healthy relationship you and your partner are a team working together as partners to solve any problem you may encounter including internal problems in a healthy relationship where both partners are a team both partners will treat a problem for either one as a problem for both that means it's not me versus you it's us together versus the problem for example i'm allergic to the cat get rid of the cat or i'm gone is a one-sided me versus you statement it totally ignores the fact that you and or your son love the cat and that the cat is a member of your family you should respond to that about the same as you would respond to i don't like the boy get rid of the boy or i'm gone tell him that the cat slash boy is a member of your family and you will not abandon them and if they are making you choose between them and your family well you'll miss them but that's not a choice the right way to deal with this is the cat makes me allergic how can we work together to make this relationship work you don't want the dude to be allergic he doesn't want to be allergic and you both want to spend time together so you start small maybe he takes benadryl or maybe he gets this allergy shot or maybe you hang out at his place instead of yours the important thing is you work together i hope this helps you opie i also hope you can repair the relationship with your son if someone ever tried to give away a pet of mine without permission i don't think i would ever trust them again the type of person who deserves my trust is not capable of doing something so cruel and selfish i mean this not as an insult but to hopefully get you to think about what kind of person you want to be because life every day is about deciding and discovering who you are best of luck posted by user throwaway 44566 titled am i the a-hole for snapping at my boyfriend in front of his our friends over jokes that make me uncomfortable obviously this is a throwaway account people know my usual accounts i'll try to keep it short my relationship with my boyfriend 20 male i'm also 20 has been mostly good but going downhill recently for a lot of reasons that aren't the topic of this post anyway over the last several weeks every once in a while my boyfriend will make sexual jokes at my expense and include our friends in the jokes i say hour because i am the only girl in this friend group and all of the other guys seem to prefer my boyfriends the jokes have been anything between implying i took part in a sexual act which may or may not have been true depending on what they joke about to making a joke explicitly about me saying something like opie must do x or act like y in bed my boyfriend sometimes makes the joke sometimes one of the other guys does either way he seems to think that they're funny i do not and have either explicitly told him so calmly and only to him or just tried to ignore it and devoid it through body language etc the jokes make me extremely uncomfortable nothing has worked obviously since the joke still happened occasionally today it happened again and something in me just snapped and i couldn't control the words before they came out we were all at a dinner at a busy dining hall at our university and another joke was made all the guys thought it was funny again suddenly i snapped at my boyfriend but definitely not shouting more like a very angry loud whisper nobody else in the dining hall seemed to notice i basically said stop that's not funny everyone at the table suddenly looked awkward even though i only addressed my boyfriend my boyfriend looked flabbergasted for a moment before he looked angrily and said kind of paraphrasing here you do not speak like that to me in front of my friends that is incredibly embarrassing and rude i attempted to apologize i said sorry for saying it like that but he didn't seem to accept my attempt to apologize so i dropped it i think i only tried to apologize to keep him from being too mad at me it would have felt wrong to apologize for trying to stand up for myself does that make sense later this evening my boyfriend said what i did is considered emotional abuse and that i have issues what oh my god none of my friends have said anything about the incidents we are probably breaking up soon but i want to know if i deserve my boyfriend's frustration am i the a-hole for snapping at my boyfriend in front of his slash our friends is what i did abuse not the a-hole you tried to tell him calmly and he ignored you it's not ideal to lose your temper but you're only human your boyfriend is full of malarkey he's full of crap lol i wrote crap when i wrote the comment first but i changed it to malaki because i thought it was more polite him saying that his emotional abuse he's gaslighting you op he's embarrassing you in front of his friends he's making fun of you in public you told him to stop and he responded by saying it's not okay for you to embarrass him in front of his friends what the frick maybe maybe you could say that you should have waited until later and confronted him in private but only to avoid conflict it's not okay for a guy to continually make fun of his girlfriend in public about sexual things that's sexual harassment opie and you have every right to tell someone to stop if they're making you uncomfortable dt mfa edits reading comprehension she told him to stop in private double dtma faye what the what a dick i don't know what that means but you guys can tell me if you'd like so your boyfriend constantly insults you and gives away information about your sexuality as jokes and lets others insult you too under the same guys you say stop which you have every right and was angry which is valid and because he doesn't want to he is upset his a hollery has finally been called out then he tries to flip the switch to save face so he can continue to do it yeah not the a-hole and please speed up that breakup and am i the a-hole for snapping at my boyfriend in front of his friends update also am i the a-hole for the new developments hi everyone a few people asked for an update and i found the time and energy to write one so i thought i would make one but this is pretty long my original post can be found here i posted that on november 30 i believe it's now december 3rd and even though it's only been a few days a lot has happened so much stuff i never expected that i can't believe it's happened it's really been a whirlwind since i made my post some people wanted an update so i wrote down some of the stuff that happened so i could remember it all to keep this post relevant to the sub i'm still asking for feedback about if i'm the a-hole for anything etc a tldr is at the bottom am i the a-hole first off i went to break up with him on the morning of december first though it quickly turned into a mutual breakup as my now ex didn't seem upset about breaking up it was surprising actually it was very civil he even said something like we had rough times but in the future i will look back at us with fond memories this surprised me a little but i just wanted to leave so i essentially just said same and left only a few minutes after leaving i felt a huge weight had been lifted off my chest anyway later that day on december 1st i was just doing some stuff to relax like watching funny youtube videos i had tweeted something like i just laughed the hardest i have in a long while and it felt really good and thought nothing of it it's like me to tweet random pointless things so this wasn't out of character for me a couple hours later i get a lot of angry texts from my ex i didn't block his number because the breakup seemed civil and i just forgot about it he was attacking me for my tweet called me a machine with no emotions like a robot and said other things like just get out of my life you absolutely mean person he said i never actually cared about him there were some cuss words in there and a lot of caps lock i kind of just freaked out tried to de-escalate the situation etc but my ex was having none of it and eventually stopped replying i did too and tried to ignore it all by this point our friends knew about the breakup so yesterday on december 2nd i woke up feeling bad and angry about the situation so i messaged all my friends that i wanted to talk about some things with them i didn't say it but i wanted to talk about the jokes and one thing in the couple of months before the breakup i noticed that my friends kept ditching plans with me to do them with my boyfriend for example twice i asked everyone if they wanted to see a new movie together they said yes and we set a tentative date however both times i would message them about the movie and they revealed they had already gone to see it with my then boyfriend this happened twice even though the second time i offered to buy all the tickets nothing like this happened when one of the guys would make plans they agreed to talk it went well at first but my ex didn't show because as i later found out he was too scared of me to come anyway the talk went well and i thought most of the issues with hair were resolved at the end of the talk my boyfriend texted one of the guys and said he was too scared to come because i emotionally abused him to my knowledge this was the first time the guys heard this because they didn't know what my ex was talking about we left the discussion and one of the guys went over to talk to my ex soon after i got a message from this guy he said he wanted me and my ex to talk things out i was skeptical and didn't want to but he kept pressuring me to do it so i gave in this guy told me to basically let my ex walk all over me by not arguing with my ex because my ex was feeling too sensitive and upset for confrontation so why would he want to talk but whatever i just did it so everyone would get off my back and to try to get some closure so yesterday night i talked to my ex from like 11 p.m to 1 am a lot of stuff was said and i don't remember it all but a few things stood out to me first my ex defined me emotionally abusing him as a couple of things one the incident at dinner overall emotional compatibility life goals that were already interfering with each other question mark clashing personalities and finally that me abusing him was not my fault so i was very confused i don't think these count as abuse i then tried to tell him how i felt these included he brought up his struggle with mental illness when we would argue and i felt like he would try to manipulate me with it he got frustrated at me when i didn't want to spend all my free time with him told me asexuality was an issue to get over when i was questioning myself and finally he would pressure me into sex he did this a decent amount he would say he needed sex to relieve tension and feel better when i would cry during sex he would get upset as well but then convince me to keep going by saying we'll both feel better if we finish it so i always just gave in and obliged i rarely wanted sex with him especially more recently but always consented just to get him off my back i felt gross doing this but thought it would just be better to deal with it and i didn't want to tell him all of this because i didn't want to make him mad it's just how i felt especially being pressured into sex in a past relationship it really sucked but i'm glad it's over now anyway when i tried to explain any of this to him he would not take any responsibility for it even though i never said i blame you for dot dot dot or anything one thing i remember is when i told him about feeling pressured into sex he said that he only ever did something like that because he felt neglected or because he was frustrated with me for something i did or didn't do in the time between sexual encounters i felt really bad about this but didn't really know how to respond so i did kind of end up letting my ex walk all over me i also didn't want to make a scene because we were in a semi-public space and didn't want to look weak by leaving early also i was worried if i got angry he would have more evidence for me being abusive eventually it ended and i left before i left he told me that his family who i have met and got along with now hates me i thought and hoped that could be the end of things but earlier today on december 3rd something else happened i tried reaching out to a couple of the friends i felt closer to but something was weird in a couple of classes i had with the guys they seemed to avoid me more than usual so i asked what was up they said my ex was really messed up by what had happened and they want to focus on making him better so can't focus on me or something they mentioned that my ex had been in their room crying for a few hours i told them that i was being falsely accused of stuff but they were like we don't really know what happened but x is more torn up than you so we need to be good friends to him something about this just rubbed me the wrong way so after i was done with classes i wrote up a document that basically was a letter to the group chat it basically said that i was being falsely accused and my friends were blindly giving in and devoting themselves to my ex i told them that i was cutting them off and told them to not contact me again i did this kind of at the advice of redditors who commented on my original post and partially on impulse so i feel kind of bad about doing it they might think i was being emotional rude [ __ ] and crap talk me behind my back i don't know none of them have contacted me so that's good obviously but i can't help but feel that i am owed an apology but it really hurts because i'll see some of them in class and i'm basically left with no friends these guys were my only friends at school all i have are some acquaintances left nobody i could text and be like hey wanna hang out so while i'm happy about the breakup i feel so crappy because i have no friends left and it almost feels worse i've just been watching funny youtube videos and doing homework it's been helping but at this point i'm just overall just numb i guess am i the a-hole for any of this and once again thank you everyone for your helpful comments not the a-hole dude sounds like he's playing the victim card to garner support for your mutual friends total basket case move on just move on not the a-hole sounds to me like your ex was successful in playing the victim card and manipulating the entirety of your mutual friend group if i were you i'd consider this to be the end of your friendships with these people not the a-hole 100 they're not really your friends you shouldn't ever feel pressured to consent to sex and your ex is doing his best to manipulate the situation using language to get a reaction block him off of everything and do the same with his group of friends your life will be much easier and more peaceful not the a-hole read some books about toxic relationships your friends can fornicate with a can of bug spray screw off you're using relationship mending techniques that are meant for overall healthy relationships not relationships with toxic people none of what you described of your behavior was abusive you were not having different goals to him i'm sorry you're lonely at the moment but there is nothing in here other than your friends being toxic a-holes and i think that's where i'm gonna leave it today guys anyway guys i don't really have much else to say that hasn't been said already i do feel like it was a very toxic situation and you have to get out of that situation there it's just not it's not healthy for your mind i guess that's all i have to say titled am i the a-hole roommate wants me to move out january 2nd and wants his deposit that day hi very long time lurker and it needed some advice and i apologize for the long post i female38 and the leaseholder of a three-bedroom house i rent out two of the rooms i got a text this afternoon that roommate number three male 24 wants to move out january 1st that the room is too small for him and he wants to spend new year's eve in a larger space my response was cool when i spoke in person he wants to move out january 2nd and wants his deposit back the same week i am in my last year of grad school i said if he has to move out on the 1st or the 15th and will receive his deposit after i inspect the room he says he needs the money now i explain that he is moving out at the worst possible time and that it's almost impossible to find a suitable roommate january 1st so i have to cover his part of the rent my part of the rent and tuition for my last semester i asked him to work with me so i can have a paycheck so i don't leave myself broke i'll give him back his deposit two weeks after he moves out he said that i was making him feel bad for moving out and to be honest i'm worried about me i don't have any other support but student loans and a part-time job i am in the middle of finals and now i'm scrambling to find a roommate am i the a-hole by not letting him move out on the second and giving him his deposit then and there not the a-hole you owe him his deposit when the law says you owe him the deposit anything before that is a favor i don't know what the law says there but here it's usually the deposit is returned asap he's given more than a month's notice so why can't he have the deposit back because the security deposit is retained until it is confirmed no damage has occurred sometimes damage takes some time to manifest itself thus the prescribed statutory period to refund a security deposit and the time to return the deposit starts on the day after the lease ends in this case probably the third then runs for the statutory time not the a-hole do what you need to do first because if you give him his deposit and his room is screwed you lose yours everyone sucks here he should know he can't demand his deposit back whenever he feels and you shouldn't have spent his security deposits where does it say that she spent the deposit in the comments she left she stated she did not spend it but is worried since now she has to cover his part of the rents yes but even if she has to cover his part of the rent the deposit cannot be used for that or any cost besides damage to the property no way it states that she has or will she is worried about making ends meet and from my understanding has an issue with giving the money without proper inspection i just don't understand how her having trouble making ends meet means that she wants to withhold the deposits from my understanding she would be inspecting the room on the first and second and then would hold on to the deposit until she was ready to pay it now i think she is perfectly fine to hold the deposit for as long as the law states that she can but it shouldn't have anything to do with her financial situation once she's inspected the room what do you guys reckons going on here and now for update on roommate wanting to move out january 2nd and received his deposit the day he moves out i asked him last night what his date was since he never gave me a concrete one he said december 31st and wanted me to venmo him his deposit the minute he moves out i said that's not going to happen i will inspect the room after he leaves i will send a certified check for the full deposit amount if the room is in good order in 30 days he started flipping out saying he wants his freaking money the moment he moves out he called me incompetent for not finding him roommates and that i'm punishing him for moving out i'm a manipulative beer who wants people to feel sorry for me that i made him feel guilty for moving out and that he has a lawyer friend to look at this situation i responded with i am not punishing him for moving out but protecting myself and from moving forward i only feel comfortable talking to his lawyer i said if he continues to speak with me like this i will call the police i was beginning to feel that unsafe with him now i am afraid he will do something mean to my cats he acted like this to some of our mutual friends before and some of them offered to be here when he moves out to be safe i also told roommate number two about what happened and he will lend a hand and that's the last update we got jesus christ what did this post turn into not the a-hole still even though you aren't looking for a judgment lol i read the last post wow venmo screw this dude certified check so there is decent proof not just some bull crap on venmo if this guy gives you any more crap i would definitely call the police it is not normal to get your deposit the day you move out or hell even usually within a few days mine have usually taken a week at least if not two weeks to do so keep your cats away from that dude and if he does anything call the cops in my state landlords and renters have three weeks to give your deposit back just google how long do landlords have to return security deposit insert your state here and that should answer your question i don't really know how your month-to-month lease thing with him is contracted or if it was verbal or what i just found that part in your previous post posted by user justlooking85 titled am i the a-hole my dad wants to marry a stranger and we have told him we will have nothing to do with her so my dad wants to marry someone my sister and i don't know 10 months after our mum died our dad told us on tuesday of his plans to marry someone in november our mum his wife of 43 years died in july 2019 me 34 female and my sister 36 female had our dad tell us that he is going to marry someone he reconnected with in november we live in australia and the person he is going to marry lives in england where he and mum were from my parents moved to australia 42 years ago when they married at 19 20. my sister and i have only ever lived in australia with just brief time in england when we were young and in our early 20s we don't know our aunties and uncles except for facebook and the brief reunions when we were all in england our mom died in july last year after a six-month battle with ovarian cancer our dad told us in january that he had reconnected with an old childhood friend of theirs and some feelings were developing he initially told us that nothing would happen for two years because that was when he was planning on retiring he told us that on his already planned trip to france and uk in july that he would be spending some time with her to see if they clicked in person he then told us three days after mum's birthday february 23rd that he was going there for two weeks in march because of the rona he was there until the 6th of may he's now back in oz but in isolation at a hotel he called us on tuesday two days after mother's day to tell us that they are getting married in the uk in november and he will spend christmas there then him and his wife will come to australia in january until april when he will retire then go back to england my sister and i are absolutely devastated not only that he would marry a stranger at least to us but that he would also abandon us and our families so soon after our mum died we have told him if he marries this stranger that she will not be welcome in our lives or our children's lives are we the a-hole i'm gonna come in here and say yes edit thank you all for your responses i see that we are the a-holes here grieving the loss of a parent is different to that of a spouse and we have no right to stand in his way when he's out of isolation we'll sit down and have a chat how i feel about the situation hasn't changed but how we move forward will so we'll see some comments here you're the a-hole this is about you and your grief he isn't abandoning you and your families he is living his life nothing stops you from visiting if he decided to move to the uk alone would you think he was abandoning you probably not when you're married to someone for over 40 years and you lose them you want to find companionship this person isn't someone he never knew why not video chat and get to know her i kind of agree with you but i don't see why you think they wouldn't feel abandoned if he up and moved alone i feel more like they'd feel abandoned whether he moved to get married or to do a whiskey tour in scotland by himself until he died of liver failure which is also his right as people grieve in different ways to me it was kind of not the a-hole because op wants to stay as similar as before to feel better and dad needs as much change as possible to feel better conflicting needs but it can co-exist with some acknowledgement that grief is different except opie seems to not care about dad's needs which is what makes it you're the a-hole i agree everyone has different techniques when it comes to overcoming grief and sadness i agree that grief is difficult in all parties and i don't begrudge the father for finding new companionship or even considering moving back to his native england but to marry only 10 months after your wife's death is just hasty and ill thought period full stop remarrying so soon is reactionary to his grief it sounds like he's running away from his loneliness instead of running towards an expansive fulfilling relationship of course i could be wrong but i doubt i am his partner is probably a lovely person but 10 months with only 6 months of lead up illness is far too hasty opie likewise has a ton of unresolved grief as is normal i advise them to seek a therapist you can't control other people and they will need help to work through what they perceived as their father's betrayal of their mother and their family when a spouse gets really sick you move from being spouses to a caretaker role he has been grieving for a lot longer time than the 10 months i would also say it is very typical for a spouse particularly a male who was happy in his marriage to move on and find someone to fill that role because they were so happy super extra gentle you're the a-hole i am so sorry about your mum i totally understand you're still grieving her death and it seems like her memory is being disrespected because your dad is getting married again so soon to someone you don't know that being said your dad is a grown man with grown children it would be different if you and your sister were still small children your dad has no obligations at this point except to himself i'm sure your mum's death was hard on him as well and for whatever reason this new lady has helped him through the process and now he wants to marry her this lady is a new chapter in your dad's life and she is absolutely not replacing your mom nobody can replace your mum please at least try to allow him this happiness the very best thing for you to do would be to swallow your pride tell your dad you're happy for him and you can't wait to meet his new wife you may even end up liking her swallowing my pride will be done our feelings are valid but our reaction and the impact that could have was not we don't have to be happy about it but we can be happy for him which we are it's hard to get everything out in a small space not the a-hole studies show that happily married people are most likely to remarry quickly he's not at an age where an extended courtship is appropriate i get that this feels like a betrayal to your mother but it is not when my father-in-law died my mother-in-law met a neighbor and they fell for each other they married it has been the best thing for both of them although the one daughter had a hard time warming up to it on the other hand when my dad died my mother became a living tombstone for him for 30 lonely years you do not want this for your father if you love your father and it seems you do be kind he deserves a happy retirement and i promise he misses your mum living tombstone ouch perfect term but oh such a sad and painful and lonely existence that sounds like yeah that's exactly what my grandmother turned into and it's it's really not good to see happen in front of you that's for sure that's why this one hurts me to read this post jesus i did have a response to this recorded that was very angry as a initial reaction to that but i deleted that one because it's not respectful to the op i just think that uh they are the a-hole in this situation and need to respect the father's wishes and let him live his life i feel like they're old enough to be minding their own families at this point and he can live his life however he wants because he's about to retire what are you gonna hold him back in australia for his whole life it just seems like a huge disservice to the father and like you're holding him back from happiness and i don't think anyone wants that posted by user am i the a-hole throw me away please titled am i the a-hole for not giving my nephew food while he's living with me about a month and a half ago my 21 year old nephew lost his job due to the pandemic and then was illegally evicted from his apartment he wasn't on the lease and his friend kicked him out so there's nothing that can be done he was planning to move in with his girlfriend who lives in another state but that is not possible until the end of this month he called me and asked if he could stay at my place for a month because he literally had nowhere else to go i agreed but with one rule he has to buy his own food and cannot eat any of ours i have three kids to feed and i can't afford it at first everything was fine but of course he eventually ran out of money our state's unemployment office is taking forever with his claim and no one will hire him since he's moving out of state there have been a few times where i let him have some of our leftovers and i cooked for his birthday but usually he has to find something on his own i'm not gonna lie there are quite a few days where he goes with little to no food but like i said i just can't afford to feed him yesterday i went and bought chinese food for me and my boyfriend and some burgers for the kids that night i noticed that some of my food was missing and i know it wasn't the kids because they don't like it i'm honestly fed up at this point i've been letting him stay here and i told him not to eat our food i've talked to one of my friends about this and she says that i'm being the a-hole by letting him go hungry i don't agree because i told him he would have to buy his own food and i can't afford to another person to feed am i the a-hole you're the a-hole you are literally forcing him to starve while ordering takeout there are 50 cent pot pies and yeah he's in a crap situation but you are absolutely in the wrong not to mention the kids didn't like it and you had leftovers and still declined to feed the poor man how can you be that heartless i just can't afford to feed him and get take out at the same time i was like wow things must be really tough for her if she can barely afford to feed her kids then she gets takeout and i was like um what let's see a chinese takeaway might cost 20 pound which would be enough for a big bag of rice which would feed him for a month so your statement i just can't afford to feed him turns out to be untrue you're the a-hole totally agree with 20 pound if you were being frugal and getting smart price stuff you could stock up and get enough to live off for two weeks if you were careful i've done it myself when i was young and a broke student could you give me some tips please i'd really appreciate it dry beans and rice are your best bets you can get multiple pounds for just a few bucks and they're pretty easy to make probably the cheapest way to keep yourself fed spend just a little more in chicken stock or canned or frozen veggies to really add flavor also a slightly more expensive option but one that better covers your nutritional needs milk potatoes and oats those three things contain all the micronutrients you need and a pretty high carb as well marky pro tip potatoes are pretty good too you're the a-hole if he has literally no money to buy food feed him it doesn't have to be fancy but don't let someone you care for you provide a roof for go hungry maybe skip take out and see if he can cook something home cooked for six is cheaper than take out for five and there's also an edit in the post all right big edit time for those of you hoping this was a troll post i'm sorry but it is not i wish it was however the aunt did not write this post i'm actually the girlfriend in this situation i originally wrote this hoping to get a few comments about what other people thought surprisingly this blew up the information in this post is true however i wrote this using things she's said and done my boyfriend's experiences and her motivations i agree with what the majority of you have said i could not watch a fellow human being let alone my own family go hungry when i could do something about it to me it is reprehensible i have given him some support since he's been living with her but there's only so much i can do luckily i get unemployments but most of that will be going into the first month's rent and fees for our new apartment plus i have a credit card debt that i must pay off every month i thank all of you for your inputs and also the people that have reached out and offered help it makes me happy that there are selfless people in this world willing to help a complete stranger in these hard times it is a light in the darkness please stop sending messages wishing his auntie or her family death and harm though while i don't agree with her choices no one deserves that thanks again and here's a little saucy story for you guys now am i the a-hole for not giving my husband to blowy-joey so let me say right off the bat me and my husband enjoy a healthy sex life with the exception of [ __ ] i hate giving them and as a result i only give them on special occasions his birthday or anniversary last night he came home after what he proclaimed to be a rough day at work not even five minutes after walking in he started begging me for one saying how he needed it to feel better i told him no and then said we could have sex later if he wanted he got all ticked and devoted me for the whole rest of the night this morning before he left for work i tried talking to him about what happened but he burst out at me and yelled that as his wife i'm obligated to give him them whenever he wants i was pretty shocked by this and in the spur of the moment i yelled at him that i don't owe him anything and that he has no right to my body he stormed out and went to work he texted me a few hours later that he would be staying with a friend for a few days and that i shouldn't expect him at home i am really panicking now i have no idea what to do am i the a-hole for refusing to give him one not the a-hole you are 100 correct he has no rights to your body and you have no obligation to be giving him any kind of sexual favors if you don't want to and if this is his way of getting one from you he sounds like a terrible person not the a-hole absolutely not you are not a sexual servant withholding sex as a bargaining chip and simply not wanting to do a sexual act because it makes you uncomfortable are two different things side note your husband's words make me shake with rage agreed not the a-hole and her husband is awful what a horrible thing to say or think about another human being he knew opi's preferences going into the marriage so i find his behavior overreaction etc baffling not the a-hole i'm no expert but something else might be going on yeah there's more red flags here than in a bullfighting convention was he picking a fight on purpose so he could have an excuse to leave the house for a few days why would not getting a bj warrant leaving the house i'm considering giving him an ultimatum come home and discuss this issue or we take steps to end the marriage it's extreme but i don't know what else to do whoa the fact that the ending the marriage is on the table is super telling too i don't know your relationship but if you think it's worth saving i'd sit down with a marriage therapist stat yeah you don't give ultimatums unless you're at your wit's end am i the a-hole for not giving my husband a [ __ ] update first off i really want to thank everyone who took the time to provide insightful and thoughtful opinions my post had a lot of concerned people so i just wanted to update anyone who cares my husband came home on his own accord this morning he was extremely apologetic and immediately sat me down and told me that he wanted to explain everything leading to his outburst he said that at work him and his friends had been discussing their sex lives and he had let slip that he was not receiving any [ __ ] he claims that his friends started insulting him for being weak willed and not more stern with what he wanted he says they encouraged him to confront me apparently his friends put the idea in his head that without oral sex his sex life wasn't legitimate he told me that he really felt like he was missing out and that this is what led him to yelling at me he called in sick from work so he could stay home with me all day we talked about the future and he agreed to go to marriage counselling or see a sex counselor together if that is what i wanted i haven't completely forgiven him yet but it's just nice to have him back home i wasn't here for the og post but i feel like your husband has some serious crap wrong with him how does he take some work colleagues opinions when they don't even know your relationship well enough to judge it definitely don't forgive him yet he deserves to learn what he did wrong frankly the way he treated you is disgusting and i'd be annoyed or angry with him for a good bit maybe counseling would be a good choice the difference between her husband sharing private information and her sharing it is that she is sharing it as an anonymous person no one knows opie he shared his information with people she's probably met before and will meet again and having intimate details about yourself revealed to people who'd rather not is a huge thing i don't think it's weird for someone to listen to what a lot of their friends or colleagues are saying about their relationship i don't think it's right but i can understand it listening is one thing i can understand that honestly but to let it boil under their skin until they yell at their significant other is the thing i can't see most people doing true but if your self-esteem is low enough you'll do anything to fit in and that's a him issue not a her issue marriage counselling would be good but i'd argue him seeing a psychologist is more important and yeah i do think he needs help i don't i feel like this problem is way way way too far from being solved and i'm i don't have much hope for that marriage if he's able to break that easily to his friends imagine what other things he could be convinced to do just off of that alone the this man needs help that's just my opinion i don't know this marriage this is just me taking it a face value don't take don't read into it too much posted by user throw away kalot titled am i the a-hole for blowing up at my friend who constantly makes comments about my boobs i have big boobs i'm currently at 52 kilos and there's nothing i can do to change the size of these things unless i have surgery i'm also extremely shy and from a very conservative family so my resentment and shame towards my bust is an ongoing issue my friend sarah is one of those unfiltered free thinkers who says whatever is on her mind she's also slim and her chest is very much in proportion to the rest of her body we work together and i'm always secretly jealous of how great shirts and tops look in her whereas i look very sloppy and unprofessional with oversized ill-fitting clothing sarah has this way of always bringing up my boobs in conversation starting off with complimentary but often ending with a subtle insults she knows they're a physical feature i'm uncomfortable with but doesn't let up examples of things she'll say is how my boobs look good now but give it a few years and they'll be down to my knees or she'll show me comments on reddits where people are discussing chess size preferences and most are commenting how they much prefer a smaller bust over a lodge or just a general reminder of how work or men will never take me seriously because of my quote unquote cartoon boobs i know she's trying to have a light-hearted fun but it gets to me and i've told her a few times to drop it before now we're working from home we all have daily video calls and meetings uniform is not necessary and we can wear what we like a few days ago it was extremely hot and i was wearing a lighter more revealing top than my usual baggy cover-ups during this video call in front of six other colleagues sarah starts vocalizing her thoughts on my appearance holy crap put those away you look like you're in a porno we don't need to see that first thing in the morning i was mortified one other colleague laughed along but the rest looked uncomfortable i felt close to tears made an excuse and left the meeting sarah called me up half an hour later asking me what was wrong and i went off on her told her to go screw herself and was sick of her constant jabs about my appearance i went on a 10 minute tirade and hung up sarah has been off sick since that day and we haven't spoken again i'm wondering if i was too harsh and maybe should call and apologize for my outburst was i the a-hole edits i'm fuming i just spoke with a colleague john who was part of the video call that day and he told me that sarah's been telling everyone that it's me that's been bullying her and making her feel insecure about her appearance when she made those comments during the meeting it was in retaliation to how i've made her feel apparently i said she looks like a boy and called her flat-chested and ugly several times in the past i have never and would never say this i don't even understand this stupid boy body insults because a small bust has always looked very beautiful and classy in my eyes anyway john knows she's full of crap and has suggested we speak with hr the others will also back me up i know most people here suggested i do this and i wasn't sure at first but screw it i'm reporting her i don't know why i ever considered her a friend and she's freaking mental and annoying added to i now feel stupid for even asking the question am i the a-hole i thought i may have been at one point because the video call was amongst mostly workmates rather than clients and i wasn't sure if my sensitivity towards my body image made me overreact to a joke that could have been innocent i now realize it wasn't i've also spoke to another co-worker who was closer to sarah and she thinks sarah may already have reported me to hr she said the phone conversation we had after the meeting was filled with abusive bullying language and physical threats it wasn't a pleasant phone call but the worst thing i said was she go screw herself and that i don't want to speak to her again the rest of the conversation was just rehashing all the comments she made about my body and how it made me feel she also claimed that i have been making inappropriate jokes about her appearance and work ethic through the years and this confrontation was a long time coming she also suggested that i've convinced the guys in the office to take my side by being a flirt and a tease did i mention that i'm stupidly shy my head is swimming and i think i may be dealing with an actual psycho i don't know how it's come to this ridiculous level of craziness all i wanted to do was get on with my freaking work in peace and get through this crappy time but now i have to deal with this bullcrap you're not an a-hole for standing up for yourself maybe you could have done without the 10 minute rant and kept a little more civil but hey what's done is done the examples you gave didn't sound light-hearted to me they actually sounded really passive-aggressive and downright insulting especially if it's in front of other people frankly she could be jealous just a thought but no i don't think you're an a-hole for standing up for yourself she is jealous my best friends have big moves and i would never ever comment on them my hobs are also big she's lying men do love big boobs she's a negative impact in your life girl you're beautiful not the a-hole look i understand the playful comment here and there about physical appearance between friends but when it happens as frequently as you describe it becomes a major issue and especially so in a work environment yeah i mean i think we got this one pretty covered with those comments right i don't think they're the a-hole for this she does sound like a genuine psycho and a bit jealous but people get like that in life all the time uh in a work environment i wouldn't know how to deal with this one so good luck to the op i hope that you deal with this woman in your life posted by user armin check titled am i the a-hole teacher left spoiled disruptive kid crying i intervened so i had a leadership position at a preschool it's my responsibility to develop curriculum and train the teachers let's say i'm like the assistant manager of sorts so i walked into a classroom to do quality control checks make sure everyone is working engaging with the kids not on their cell phones and i walked in on one of the students crying and begging the teacher to let her change her pants because she'd gotten something on them the teacher said no and started ignoring the student while she was doing a head count the student wasn't screaming or having a tantrum she was just crying really hard something she never does and kept asking the teacher if she could please change her pants i then walked up to the student to ask her what was wrong she told me her mommy and daddy would be angry with her if they saw she'd gotten something on her pants she also said that it was an accident and she didn't want to sit in dirty pants when she had a clean pair in her cubby the teacher said the student intentionally got her pants dirty and did this all the time so she could change them i then said okay and took the student to the sink to wash her face slash talk to her i told her we could try to get the thing off of her pants so that mommy and daddy could see that it was clean she stopped crying and said okay let's try it so i showed her how to wash her pants and with soap and had her try to get the stain out we worked on this together for maybe 20 minutes before the stain started to look better the stain didn't come out but the kid stopped crying i then explained to her how important it is to think about our actions and that if we want to keep things clean we have to not do things to get them dirty i gave her a hug and sent her back to the rest of the students the next day i found out the teacher went over my head to the manager who was also a close friend and told the manager that i undermined her after i was informed of this i went to the teacher directly and asked her why she felt that way she said that that child is always acting really spoiled and that letting her get away was letting her win i told her that is not our place to do things like that and when we see a kid cry we do have a responsibility to at the very least try and console them or help them understand they're three to five by the way i was honestly furious with the teacher at the time and had i been that child's parents i also would have been angry for me it's not that she didn't let her change her pants i didn't let her change them either it's more about how she let a child at that age be visibly upset disturbed and panicked because of its edits this has been really interesting thank you everyone for sharing your personal stories they've really helped me gain some perspective edit two i left this in a comment to help shed some lights on what exactly i'm asking about it's pretty clear i posted in the wrong sub but you guys seem to be having fun so i won't delete it yeah i think i didn't explain the nuance enough in my original post the moral dilemma isn't whether or not to console the kid it's whether my role as lead teacher and person in charge of making sure teachers are doing their job requires me to intervene if i believe they're not doing their job and then who am i to even say if they're doing their job that's kind of what i was trying to get feedback on but it's clear this was not the sub for that edit three y'all are really making some leaps so let me clear things up i am an experienced teacher both in years in the classroom and in education the teacher in the room was 18 to 22 years old and this was one of her first jobs so i didn't get to be in charge because i'm friends with the boss i have been at this job much longer than she's been i am friends with the boss because we've worked together for a while i did not know her at all when i got the job and i've been in similar situations and asked an aide to take over while i dealt with the child so that's how i would have handled it not the a-hole i'm more surprised about the parents getting angry at three to five-year-olds for getting their pants dirty who expects them to stay perfectly clean yeah that was strange to me as well i think they just get upset when it happens frequently i hope so at least even as a small kid i had severe anxiety about my parents getting angry at me over frivolous things my mum still asks me why spoiler alert i wasn't abused and i have no clue it could be early signs of anxiety but i'm no professional i saw in another comments you'd keep an eye out i just wanted to add another perspective you're doing amazing work yeah i'm surprised everyone is jumping right to abuse obviously important to figure out if it is but i have super supportive parents and always have they never got angry but worried like crazy and that anxiety was passed on not the a-hole you sound like a gem and exactly what a little one needs lol i don't know how ratios but where i worked it was 24 3 to 5 year olds to two teachers taking 20 minutes to talk through a tantrum makes opie look so kind but it's not possible when you're supposed to be jointly supervising 20 something other preschoolers nothing like a supervisor being so proud of how they handled one child drop the ratios significantly op and i'm sure the teacher would have the time to spend 20 minutes focusing on a single kid this is exactly what i was thinking i'm studying to be a preschool teacher and they've emphasized to us on many occasions that when a child cries you try and defuse the situation but you can't be distracted from all your other students you can't just step away from the class for 20 minutes and leave them unsupervised there is a lot of people saying that they're the a-hole or everyone sucks here in this situation i kind of think those ones are really really negative reviews of the teacher and given the edits i think we did get some more insight into this one so i'm gonna stick with my opinion she doesn't suck here and i think she did the right thing but obviously you guys are welcome to agree disagree whatever in the comments posted by user yeah no way buddy titled am i the a-hole for telling my ex-husband's soon-to-be ex-wife that i and by extension my daughter will have no relationship with her i'll try to keep it short and sweet my ex-husband cheated on me with his current wife we divorced they got together and had a baby well it's some years past that point and surprise surprise he's done it again he and his wife are getting a divorce and he's probably going to marry his new affair partner within the next 6 months if he follows that pattern more power to him and his penis i literally do not care what he does with his life anymore but i was pretty shocked to discover that his wife reached out to me basically crying about what happened how she couldn't believe it and how now that we're in the same camp so to speak we should maintain a relationship so our daughters can still be in each other's lives and so we can commiserate i'ma stop him right there no thanks honey no not in a million years you can piss off yeah i told her to take a hike and that if our mutual ex wanted our daughters to hang out i was more than happy to schedule his visitation at the same time as hers so the girls could be together with their father but that there was no way i was setting up sleepovers and playdates with her i'm not bitter about it anymore i'm remarried etc but i just want nothing to do with her haven't since the affair she about lost it crying even more about how i would keep our girls apart because we both know ex-husband barely keeps up with his visitation blah blah and how he gets when he's in a new relationship yes now we both know but before only i knew and she didn't seem too sympathetic about my end she brought up how when she started up with my ex she didn't know he was married so i shouldn't hold it against her and that he's the one who cheated not her but i really don't care about any of that anyway she obviously called me an a-hole though not in so many words my sister is also saying i should think about my daughter's potential relationship with her half-sibling but i think that should be on her father to orchestrate if it's important for him that his children bond and have a relationship so lay it on me am i the a-hole edits popular questions my daughter is eights almost nine and her daughter is close to seven either about to turn or just turned my daughter is completely indifferent to her half-sister on her dad's side for various reasons explained in the comments but suffice to say the indifference isn't new they don't and have never had a sisterly relationship according to my daughter she does not have any specific desire to see her but is presumably fine seeing her while they are both with their father but if she did want to hang out with her we would make it happen edits also asked about the state of schedule my daughter sees her father generously eight times a year never more than a week usually for a day or two between two to four of those are with his wife and daughter this is likely to decrease slightly since he's in a new relationship assuming the same pattern continues the girls will probably still see each other at least three times a year a bit in the summer for one fall holiday and father's day i have also encouraged her in the past to attend his daughter's birthday parties at least briefly my daughter is very close with my other daughter and her stepfather which likely contributes to her disinterest but isn't something i can really control i've never badmouthed her father his wife or other sister but they just don't really sit prominently on our day-to-day radar and i say fair enough lol what the hell is she on not the a-hole by a mile she was part of your ex-husband's cheating and comes crying to you when he continues the cycle she has no shame you said the exact thing i was thinking let them visit but with their dad you have no obligation to set up visitation between half siblings you know the saying if he'll do it for you he'll do it to you well now she does too not the a-hole or as granny says when a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy edit granny says hello she must have read in the book and disliked it so much she told me she is an avid reader and has read nine books in the past three weeks four trashy novels two biographies of empress [ __ ] a john grisham and another mystery that's gold that's so incredibly amazing your granny's a gangster and that's absolutely what happened in this situation he was just waiting for the next one to come along girl god that's so trashy not the a-hole for what you said to the woman it is up to their father or paternal grandparents to facilitate that relationship unless your daughter requests your help with it why is this all about whose job it is to facilitate the relationship a parent's job is to care for their child and do everything in their power to give them a good life period if one parent doesn't fulfill a parental obligation that does not just absolve the other parent you don't just say oh well guess my kid's gonna grow up x because their father and mother didn't do y i have a half sibling we saw each other at birthdays and holidays and we lived together for some time but we did not bond enough to have a strong relationship as adults and it makes me bloody sad it's a lot harder to bond as siblings as adults and i guarantee you an eight-year-old has absolutely no concept of how the relationship he has with her sister while she grows up will affect their relationship as adults in my case it really wasn't something our parents had control over but op does just consider how it could affect her in the future maybe they wouldn't ever come close but i think they should at least be given the opportunity and regardless of whose responsibility it should be to do what the only thing we truly have control over is our own actions and sometimes if we want to do right by others we have to do things that aren't completely fair or to us or equal that's just life additionally i want to mention that relationships we have early in life form how we create and maintain relationships through adulthood i'm not sure what message this sends about how we treat the people in our lives even if we find them annoying sometimes or don't love spending time with them i think if we only spend time with people we absolutely loved spending time with then we'd be pretty freaking lonely speaking from experience i don't know just something to consider why do these responses have to personally target us man what the hell i never thought of it like that i never thought that the way you maintain relationships as a kid carries on to adulthood but it makes a lot of sense what it's like exposing yourself i don't know how i feel about this one i feel like it's really nuanced and such a disgusting thing to do and she's absolutely not the a-hole for cutting off that woman like come on you see the cheating in front of your eyes you're like i screwed her over i'm gonna make things better now no shut up move along sis get out of my life that's all i have to say posted by ecstatic traffic 7 titled am i the a-hole for no longer wanting to help a disabled neighbor i 37 female have a disabled neighbor 30 female who i have lived near for about 7 years we have hung out here and there over the years but we are not super close she lives alone and has no family nearby she has a disability that i don't know much about which makes it impossible to lift anything at all from the grounds and limited range of motion with her arms though i do see her doing work with her hands i do not understand what she can and cannot do a few years ago she started texting me and my husband 47 male for small to medium favors like opening a window or putting her sleep apnea machine together i go over and help she has an aide who calls in frequently recently she was unable to get her groceries delivered at a time when her age could be there so she asked if i would come over and do it also she began having food delivered that people were leaving on the ground and she was texting multiple times a week for someone to come over and place it on a table near the door so she can lift it one day recently she asked for help and i ended up taking out lots of trash and doing a load of laundry which i felt crossed the line the grocery delivery slots are severely limited due to the virus and she's asked six weeks in a row for helping putting them away this week she sent me a message asking if i would agree to put her groceries away permanently i pushed back saying that this was a temporary favor that i would expect is going to end once the schedules align between the grocery company and her home health aide she wrote me back and said that she was phasing out the aids in hope of starting a group of people who could exchange labor for each other she is asking that i join and commit to putting the groceries away sometimes being a backup for other chores when people cannot do them and walk her dog once a week after expressing my boundaries with favors i am a little taken aback by her doubling down the neighbor often suggests in text that she can offer things in return for the help she did give me flowers once and a bottle of wine another time she does say thank you am i the a-hole for wanting to tell her that i cannot help at all i am a full-time public school teacher and it's a job that breeds compassion burnout as is i do not get joy out of helping her i find these requests annoying and i do not understand why she doesn't try to pitch in with the groceries in some small ways that are within inability rather than standing around while i put the groceries away for 30 minutes or longer often times the requests for favors have come while i'm in bed and i have to get dressed or say no to which i feel she has bristled slightly when told no i feel bad knowing that she has these limitations but my mindset says that she should move to a smaller apartment get rid of the dog and or make lifestyle changes to accommodate the cost for an aide rather than replace that labour with friends and neighbors am i being ableist not the a-hole it's a sad situation but you can't become her unpaid aide asking for a favor once in a while is absolutely fine but if you're pitching in gets to the point where she can let her aid go then yeah she's crossed all boundaries this you are not free labor you aren't a friend or family i'm not saying don't shovel her driveway if you have time during the winter or put her trash can back from the street if it's still out when you do yours but these things are kindnesses they are not a job i'm not sure what's going on with her that makes her want to get rid of an aid maybe it's financial who knows but a polite firm no is in order i'm sorry once quarantine is over my husband and i will be back to our very hectic lives and i'm afraid that we don't have regular schedules that we can commit to a regular thing we're happy to help finale but going forward our schedule isn't reliable or leave out that last sentence if you are not happy to help out for now it also makes me wonder if the aid wasn't even an aid all along maybe just some sucker that she duped into labor trading especially since the aid calls off a lot or whatever maybe that person finally told her they're no longer willing to do her chores and she's positioning opie to be the new aide whatever the case is it's really weird and she sounds like she's going to require firm boundaries immediately not the a-hole i find it very confusing that she decided to start a labor trade or whatever without consulting you and basically volunteering you for it like why would she assume she could just phase out her aid and you'd just take over everything for free you've already been very kind helping her with frequent tasks it would be one thing if it was only occasionally or something small like bringing her mail to her door but this is too much also it doesn't sound like she mentioned anything about what op would get in trade if i say that i'm starting a gift trade and i'm going to need your watch that's um not a trade yeah that's what jumped out at me she asked opie to put away her groceries sometimes walk her dog once a week and be back up for other chores that's a lot if she wants to call this an exchange she should be immediately describing exactly what she'll be doing in exchange for all of this yeah that's a really that's a bit of a weird one to me i don't know what i would do in this situation it's honestly just a hard one but i think this neighbor needs to get proper aids in her life and make use of government help schemes where they are available i don't think you can reply on strangers neighbors or whatever for this scheme it just seems unreasonable and she should know that am i the a-hole for calling out my sister after she bought my daughter a food scale just for some backgrounds my family is a bit larger we are all pretty healthy people but we are not naturally thin both of my parents are bigger i'm a bit bigger and growing up my sister was too now my sister works hard to fight being a bigger she eats like a rabbit and does pretty crazy workouts people tend to look up to her for keeping her weight down and getting healthy but from my perspective she is constantly stressing herself out to maintain this appearance with all of the running etc my daughter turned 14 a couple months ago and has been expressing distaste about her body for a while she's a bit chubby like myself it makes me sad but i'm trying to teach her to love herself for who she is i know that my words haven't gotten through to her as she has been going to my sister for advice first was the at home exercises and running it is difficult to watch her beat herself up with these exercises she claims to enjoy them but i'm sure she wouldn't do them if she didn't want to be skinny like my sister then she started regularly complaining about the food that i prepare i'm not a huge vegetable person and neither is anybody else in our family i'm not going to waste my money on it it has led to many arguments between us the final straw was when i opened up a package that turned out to be a food scale for my daughter my sister bought it for her my daughter told me that since i will continue to make her unhealthy food her aunt told her to weigh it out so she doesn't eat too much i immediately confronted my sister about it she is trying to push her lifestyle habits onto my daughter i'm trying to teach her to love herself not spend mental energy fighting biology she tried to blame me for making my daughter unhealthy in the first place she claims to be trying to help just because my daughter can't run a mile and do the difficult exercises she does to maintain her weight doesn't mean she's not healthy i hung up with my sister and went to post to facebook about her buying my daughter a scale and encouraging her to weigh her food people look up to her and i think everyone should know that she pushes young women to hate their bodies my post received a lot of criticism and some people even think i'm an a-hole for trying to tarnish my sister's image and for refusing to let my daughter try to lose weight from my perspective i'm just trying to spread awareness about what she's doing someone recommended that i post here am i the a-hole for telling everyone that my sister got my daughter a food scale or is she for getting her one in the first place just to respond to everyone we are not obese we're just a bit tall and a bit chubby maybe a little bit overweight we may not run in stuff but we do other activities that we enjoy like gardening swimming walking etc you don't need to be able to run to be healthy this just sounds like satire this whole post you're the a-hole jesus christ prepare a vegetable you're a mother act like a mother don't use your daughter's body to push a gender that makes you feel better also i don't buy it for a second that you guys are naturally chunky when you refuse to waste money on vegetables this i cannot even imagine refusing to let a child eat vegetables also running is not torture and it's not just to lose weight i run because it gives me more energy and i like doing it millions of people do it as a hobby let her do healthy things you're the a-hole arby's daughter can barely exercise or run a mile poor kiddo those are basics that make childhood fun i was always overweight as a child and my mom was really susceptible to pseudoscience i gained weight because i wasn't eating enough obviously haven't you heard of starvation mode lamell it can't be that i was eating already three times too much but even in her naivety she at least tried to help me opie is so horrible to her daughter i'm pretty sure what she's doing is abuse you don't get to weigh in your daughter is trying to improve her health her mobility and her quality of life she is certainly being more mature about her weight issues than you are i remember 150 pounds ago when i was not a vegetable person it's a flabby excuse for rolling over and giving up on yourself you should be happy your daughter isn't following in your footsteps you're the a-hole edit thanks for all the recipe ideas keep in common both for me and for everyone trying to eat better and thanks for working on yourself too together we can make a happier healthier world as a person trying to lose weight who hates vegetables do you have any suggestion on how to make them easier to get down right now i'm doing vitamins and trying to mix in veggies with other things but i can't get over certain tastes or consistency for me it was all about the preparation when you treat vegetables like an afterthought and toss them in the microwave or boil them into a paste of course they're going to taste bad i used to hate squash and sweet potatoes until i stopped microwaving them like my folks used to and discovered the power of roasting things it's all in the prep if you prep veggies in the styles that you like other foods example if you like roasted chicken try roasting veggies you may realize that you don't hate the taste as much as you think back to squash bane of my childhood turns out squash and apple soup is a bowl full of autumn that i can't get enough of vegetarians have been at this for decades and they are damn good at making a vegetable sing i learned for a lot from a vegetarian resources and now i don't bother buying meat at all because i can get deep flavors for cheap out of produce even if you have no interest in going veggie i didn't at first and i still don't think i'm a vegetarian because i'd still cave in front of a plate of natural hot chicken looking into vegetarian iterations of your favorite foods and preparing veggie as you like to prepare other things did wonders for me good luck and good on you for taking a challenge on posted by user and on ahold 2 titled am i the a-hole for calling out of work since my last post got so much activity and my husband agrees with me i want to know if you think i'm the a-hole here i planned my first ultrasound for a wednesday last week and it was amazing we got to hear our baby's heartbeat and we will never forget that moment unfortunately i had to call off work to take the whole day off and be able to see my baby a co-worker of mine's wife was having some pretty minor surgery and so i got overruled on the calendar for the day off because his was more important my boss said i could just use my ultrasound as my lunch hour but i wanted to take the day to embrace that first connection as a family so i called out of work that day and apparently it left us very short stuff and unable to perform surgeries until my co-worker had left his wife resting at home and came in my husband agrees that we aren't a-holes that we deserve to bask in that bliss but my whole office is angry with me and said it's definitely an a-hole move nobody told my co-worker he was being forced to come in he volunteered but tell me reddit am i the a-hole edit to add that we are vettex in case that helps you're the a-hole you think that basking in the bliss of your ultrasound is more important than your co-workers supporting his wife through surgery so instead you just dumped everything on your co-workers and screwed up the schedule for the veterinary practices surgeries which will have affected all of the patients and their owners god you're lucky you're pregnant because it makes it harder to fire you and that is the kind of crap you deserve to get fired for edits holy hell i've just realized you're the same a-hole who said her sister isn't a real mother because she didn't give birth to her kid are you trying to win an award for being the worst person on the internet today yeah unbelievable she needs to just stop at this point because she's making herself look worse and worse i shudder at what nonsense her third post will spew you're the a-hole solidly now you expected someone to reschedule surgery so that you could bask in the glory of an ultrasound all day coming from a pregnant woman you're an a-hole troll and reading your other post potentially just an awful person it just occurred to me i think this woman might be getting off on having us call her an a-hole i mean read the top of her post sounds like a little twisted are we feeding the troll yeah this one sounds like a troll i mean that last story she posted was absolutely terrible and it kind of sounded fantasy so i think we're just we're feeding the delusion here next story posted by user spoiled kid 9001 titled am i the a-hole for giving my son a better life and spoiling him more than his siblings will ever get to be brief backgrounds about nine and a half years ago my wife cheated on me got pregnant and left me for him courts gave them custody of our son because single dad vs family i've since gotten remarried and had a couple of kids seven and five and a half x and 10 new men have also had two more kids wife and i now both work as engineers and have damn good salaries to put it lightly axe and new husband haven't ever done particularly well ex-wife didn't want me sending my son lavish gifts or taking him on the family vacations so her other siblings wouldn't get too jealous and build resentments towards him her words meanwhile he was understandably i feel upset he wasn't getting as nice a life as my other kids were as he got older he asked to come live with me i said yes i'd love to have him ex-wife said no thank god the court sided with what my son wanted since moving in everything has gone fairly smoothly for us my younger kids love having their big brother around all the time and he loves them we still go on our vacations every january though had i known how bad rona was back then i'd probably have held off this year for his 16th birthday he got a nice used buick that he wanted since then craps hit the fan with his mum and my axler she was ticked how much he's getting and getting to do keeps texting and calling both of us about how his younger siblings will never be able to get all he has and it's not fair and now her kids are upset and how i'm a horrible dad for forcing his siblings to resent us i finally told her i don't care i want my kids to have a good life and if she wants an adulterer hers would have a better life too did i go too far there not the a-hole they're not your kids and no one is forcing them to be resentful except her keep being a good dad to all your kids and don't worry about it imagine how much resentment the boy would build up if opie gave in and treated him to less than his other kids the son would resent his paternal half-siblings for getting more than him and his mother for demanding it his father for giving in and his maternal half-siblings for being the root of the problem and all of that so the ex's precious babies don't feel bad because they don't get as much as opie's son exactly this is exactly what would happen and this guy isn't 100 not the a-hole my older brother just closed on his first house i'm really happy for him but it's pretty unlikely with where i live and what i do that i'll be able to do the same by the time i'm his age i just won't be able to have the same life he has this doesn't mean that the solution is for him to give up on his house dreams you don't create equality by forcing people to have less so others don't feel bad everyone ends up worse off that way if you feel bad you can create more good by thinking of little things he can share with the rest of his family maybe a video game he can play with everyone else or nice snacks that he can share or you can do nothing at all it isn't your job to keep the other kids from envying your son it's your ex-wife's job to teach her kids that they can have more too by working hard and getting good jobs not the a-hole i love this it's not about what hand you're dealt it's about what you do with it op is the dealer mum is the teacher op can be a teacher too and this is a great example of how rp would not be an a-hole for not doing this but it's a nice idea posted by user throwaway 94-21 titled am i the a-hole for asking my daughter to make me whipped coffee i male 58 have a daughter 23 female who is currently living with me she was staying at her mums for the past two months due to the global events but now that is not as severe i insisted that she come back and stay with me because i missed her and i have this big house to myself she moved back last week my daughter is a law student and just started a summer job at a firm doing remote work so she locks herself in her room for hours at a time and only comes out to eat or go to the store for groceries yesterday on sunday i was chatting with her about the new coffee trend whipped coffee you've probably seen it she said she had made some weeks ago for her and her mum after seeing it online i asked her if she could make some for me and she said sure maybe this week when she finished most of her work well today on monday i woke up and waited for the whipped coffee but my daughter never came out of her room i waited until like 11am and that i went into her room and asked her where my coffee was she snapped at me that she was in a training session for her new job and that her microphone was on because she was about to ask a question so everyone heard me come in i waited until she asked her question muted herself and then i asked her about the coffee again she said she was busy and that she would make some later i said i drank my coffee in the morning and that i had been waiting patiently she then copped a major attitude with me and told me that i was interrupting her work i told her to lose the attitude and learn to prioritize her promises to people she then got exasperated and basically yelled at me to get out of her room i did and i texted her a little while ago that her and i need to have a major conversation about attitude considering i don't ask her for rent and i'm fine with her working summers only she hasn't responded i get that people may think i was harsh on her but my daughter and i have a rocky relationship and i was hoping that we could bond over making some of this delicious whipped coffee i had been seeing everywhere she made it for her mum so i know she can do it i made myself french press coffee but i really wanted to try the whipped coffee am i the a-hole for asking her to make me one when she said that she would this just sounds so fake no no normal person writes this but i'm going to read the comments anyway you're the a-hole this cannot be real you casually asked if she would make you coffee and she casually responded maybe she did not promise you anything and your desire to have a stupid whipped coffee is not more important than her law work jesus christ dude lol she said maybe this week after i finished my work and he just sat down on a monday morning waiting for his coffee not sure how op's job is but i generally haven't finished my work for the week by monday morning is this for real so you basically strong-armed her into coming to live with you then pat yourself on the back for not charging her rent you interrupt her at work because you're whining that you don't have coffee google the damn recipe and make it yourself you're a grown-ass man not a child you don't bond with someone by being a petulant whiner forcing them to do things while embarrassing them at work you're the a-hole also a fun part was when he was like i'm okay with her only working summers like buddy do you know how law school works of course she only works summers you're the a-heel posted by user northern lights up titled am i the a-hole for spending the day on a call on my girlfriend's birthday so my best friend moved to the uk five years ago for studies and work since we hadn't seen each other for a while last year he said he was going to come over meet up with our old friendship group which is five guys in total and we would go on a young guy's trip before he returned to the uk i met my girlfriend earlier this year and her birthday coincidentally falls in the same day as the guy trip was supposed to start for obvious reasons he can't come anymore and just decided to do a group video call catch up then play games online yesterday was the day so i woke up early and made my girlfriend breakfast in bed gave the gift and watched a movie with her when the time came i asked my girlfriend if she was okay with this and she said it was fine so i did it it was a lot of fun catching up with the guys and playing against a bunch of random people online together the call ended at around 9 and i went back to the bedroom to chill with my girlfriend but she was already asleep so i went to bed as well this morning though she was extremely cold and didn't want to talk until i pushed it out of her she says i was being an a-hole for ignoring her on her big day even though she said it was fine besides that the plans were set before we started dating and they would have missed the whole thing but at least this way i had the time to make her feel special in the morning am i the a-hole i'm leaning towards you're the a-hole because let's be real here an all-day call was probably not what she was expecting and breakfast is a piddly freaking expenditure of time and efforts you should have bailed on the call in time to spend some of her birthday with her and at least have dinner this was a failure in communication and expectation when she said she was fine with the coal i imagine she thought it would last a couple of hours not all day besides if it was all decided a while ago why not tell her sooner and maybe decide on another day to celebrate either properly with her or spend a day with friends you're the a-hole you could have done a teller hangout anytime now if you admit in person then sure that's acceptable but a video call all day on her birthday yeah you're the a-hole if they're still strictly quarantining it means she kind of spent the day alone hearing him laughing for eight hours in the next room waiting for it to end but it never ends so it must have been a very lonely day for her god that's horrible i would have spent half the day crying if i spent my birthday waiting for my boyfriend to spend time with me but felt like i couldn't interrupt his spontaneous friendship time imagine feeling like you're not a priority even on your birthday i wonder if this is isolated ah definitely not i've heard of much worse than this happening even in like normal functioning relationships some young men are so blind and stupid it's not to say that i'm nuts but it's just baffling posted by user rxrr titled am i the a-hole for calling my fiance's relationship with her brother unhealthy our fight began because of her brother he's three years older than her the first issue i noticed is the random presents he sends her for no reason at all it's not her birthday it isn't a holiday for example just last week he told her to be on the lookout in the mail for some pea coat that he bought her he sent her a link which she didn't bother to check but i did and i saw that it's a 500 present then i noticed this sends her a gift card to fast food places and restaurants at random too before quarantine we'd go out and eat and she'd pull out some gift card and cover the bill this admittedly hurt my ego especially on date nights it felt like her brother was finding out dates i've actually spoken to his wife about it let's call her yenifer yennefer told me that she found it a bit strange at first too but she doesn't see anything wrong with it now she says that it's because they're extremely family oriented jennifer says that her husband still sees my fiance like the little girl he used to follow him around but i still felt dejected even after speaking with jenifer i feel like i can't compete with him my fiance and i live together but because we're both students we don't have that much free cash to spend on things we don't need so on her birthday i feel even worse as i'll buy her something small but her brother goes out and buys her something expensive everywhere i look in our apartments there is something from him the expensive headphones the expensive clothes i confronted her not too long ago about it she was baffled and then got angry i brought up the gift cards and she scolded me for it she claims that when she was a teenager undergraduate she'd get so stressed out that she'd forget to eat and that it was her brother who went out of his way to make sure she'd eaten that day she doesn't understand why it bothers me because we're getting free food then i brought up the random gifts then she got angrier and asked me why do i care so much about how her brother spends his money apparently he's a rising star in his company and has been getting salary raises like crazy another thing she felt the need to shove in my face i told her that her relationship with her brother isn't normal this is where crap hits the fan she disinvited me from his birthday in late june she told me to sort out my issues and then maybe i could come i told her she was being unreasonable and this is when she tells me that maybe we should wait longer till we get married our original plan was to start planning our wedding as soon as the whole coronavirus situation passed but now she's dangling our marriage above my head she says that if i can't accept her family then she doesn't think we're going to work out i think she's being insane for doing this just because of her brother she says that this isn't about her brother edits i should mention that while he showers my fiance with expensive gifts he refused to help out his younger brother who was about to go homeless oh that's that's saucy you're the a-hole she's not dangling your marriage she is genuinely worried about marrying you as she should be you're the a-hole your fiance maybe ex soon sounds rad how awesome that she comes from a family that shares resources and cares about each other if only we could all be so lucky to have a sibling who cares enough to send gift cards so that we each you need to seek some counselling about either family issues and or insecurity you will be lucky if you end up joining this family you're the a-hole i get my sister random presents all the time and it's because i love her not to undermine her boyfriend's self-esteem until today i wasn't even aware someone could take it in the wrong way also look up love languages some people show love through gifts i do to some extent you're the a-hole this is coming off like you're intimidated by your fiance's older brother you seem jealous too and like you're trying to compete with her brother he probably just loves her and wants to do nice things for her she's his little sister i don't see anything wrong with their relationship from what you've described i can see why she's having second thoughts about the marriage too because it seems like you want to ruin her relationship with her brother i think it's more that opie feels as though he can't give his girlfriend as much as he'd like to and having her brother shower her with gifts keeps reminding him of that and yeah that's totally fine to feel but he should be dealing with those feelings the problem here is his insecurity not his girlfriend's relationship with her brother yeah absolutely i appears the a-hole in this situation that's not okay just because someone else can shout you with gifts why are you letting your insecurities getting in the way of you like you show such a weak mentality complaining about that if i can't help you no one else can g stupid toxic get him out of here posted by user 464839 titled am i the a-hole for telling my wife that i think that my sister is more talented than her what see what i mean how stupid are some people sir my wife and i have been arguing about this for over a week and i feel bad for hurting her feelings but i'm not sure i'm in the wrong here my wife 25 does art and graphic design my 19 year old sister also does art my best friend hit me up and told me that he had talked to my wife about doing some artwork and posters for his band he liked some of her stuff on instagram and thought it would be cool to hire someone local his band has a pretty decent following they tour etc he was expressing some frustration to me about the collaboration between he and my wife he didn't insult her but he wasn't happy with the results and didn't know how to talk to her about it after chatting with him for a bit though and getting a feel about what his new music was about i started talking up my sister and her work it's a bit more creative raw etc more what he was looking for he was excited to work with her after i showed him some of her stuff she's a fan of his music i set them up and he is paying her a decent amount of money along with giving her some good exposure i told him that i would talk to my wife about her being off the project for him and he still paid her for the work that she did then i talked to my wife about her being off the project and she got upset i told her that my friend had no hard feelings and just wanted a different art style she ended up talking to my friend about it and he told my wife that i recommended my sister to him and he really liked her style he thought that what they were coming up with was a better fit my wife got super upset with me upon hearing that i recommended my sister over her she called me unsupportive and accused me of trying to sabotage her so that she doesn't get more exposure i tried to make her understand that her collaboration with my friend wasn't working out anyways and i was just trying to secure a very good opportunity for my sister who i know is extremely talented and could do the job she says that i should have tried to mend the issues so that she could still complete the project and drive more traffic to her i told her that the problem was an issue of style he didn't want such commercial looking art he wanted something more creative like my sister was offering this made her more angry she accused me of calling her uncreative and undeserving of the opportunity i said that i thought that the opportunity should go to a talented person that is a good fit she said so your sist is more talented than me trying to continue the argument i said you know what yes and my wife has been sleeping in the guest room ever since jeez those are fighting words i've tried to talk to my family about this but everyone seems pretty split about whether or not i'm in the wrong here i know it may hurt her feelings but i do think my sister is more talented am i the a-hole for saying it out loud you're the a-hole mostly for the shocked pikachu face you likely made after you said that how did you expect that to be received first off you went behind your wife's back to benefit your friend that was the first a-hole moment the second he was complaining about your wife's craft you should have shut it down and let him know that you're not your wife's agent customer service slash mediator slash nothing you're her husband and if he has a work issue take it up with management second you want your sister's agent customer service and talent scout and even if you were how dare you do it to the detriment of your wife third if your friend who says your wife's work just doesn't mesh wasn't aware what type of work your wife produces is that the fault of your wife no it's his failure he should have reached out to her and expressed his concerns not you fourth maybe your wife would be as talented if she got the same level of support and appreciation that you have for your sister hopefully that stings you a bit and makes you go give the apology you should have already given by now spot on although it does sound like the wife is talented but perhaps not as good of a fit for this project this is where i'm conflicted yes he and his wife should be a team who have each other's backs but also people value friends and family different and it's obvious opie has them on a similar level on one hand yes he should not tolerate badmouthing of any kind when it comes to his wife he should have tried harder to shine her in a better light talk to her about trying a different style and such since it would be great to help her work to be more versatile but on the other hand his friends should have expressed his displeasure with his clients not his client's partner so that's not really on op and they can't really fault him for promoting his sister his wife already has a business and probably has loyal and repeat customers whereas his younger sister is barely starting out and he's just looking out for her and it seems like the friend and sister really do get along better and have a better work relationship than his wife however what makes him the extreme a-hole is the line for argument's sake i said you know what yes he admits to saying it purely to keep the argument going not even in the heat of the moment in which i could kind of give him a pass because extreme emotions and all that but you know outright because i wanted to hurt my wife yeah that's a that's a dick move if he had said i'm so sorry honey i wasn't thinking he explained an art style that sounded exactly like my sister and i just blurted out and the next thing i knew i had already given him her contact information with the mindset of helping out my friend instead of the mindset of backing up my wife and not said his sister was a better artist then he wouldn't be the arse i could even excuse she's better than you in this specific style if not said for that sake of the argument jesus who feels like they're in a debating class after this i think everything that should have been said has been said by now so i'm gonna pass you guys to outro maki i wanna know what you guys think of these ones though who's the a-hole here am i the a-hole for telling my sister to stop telling people that she has my illness to gain sympathy for being overweight i 22 female have an older sister 25 female my sister is very sensitive about everything when we were young if i made the smallest comment like i prefer pink over blue it would make her cry because she thought i was aiming at her by saying it my parents would always ask me to apologize to her since she's sensitive and i'm emotionally stronger than her my parents never controlled my sister's diet growing up letting her have what she wants since they found it too difficult to control her i was skinny as a stick when i was a kid so even though my family has a long history of thyroid disease my parents didn't think there was an issue with me however my sister has been overweight the majority of her life so my parents thought she would be the one with the thyroid issues they took us to an endocrinologist when i was 10. i got a diagnosis for hashimoto's thyroiditis while my sister didn't and instead got told to exercise and watch her diet i got hypothyroidism due to hashimoto's and have been on medication ever since my sister and i moved back in with our parents due to what's happening these days i leave my medication in a cabinet in the kitchen so i know i won't take it unless i have to actually get out of bed to do so apparently i left a box before i moved out of my parents house when i was a teen and one of her friends saw it while they were over and asked if it was hers my sister told them that it was and that's why she was overweight the box has you thigh rocks written on it in big bold letters with a picture of thyroid glands next to it so yeah pretty obvious it was meant for a thyroid condition she's held up this fast for almost four years i only figured it out when i saw her take a box of it out of my bag one day i confronted her on it and she starts crying telling me that she just didn't want anyone to be mean to her because she's fat she also says that it's not fair that the one with the normal weight gets the thyroid disease i'm just staring at her gob smacked she is complaining that she doesn't have an autoimmune condition i tell her to knock it off and that she can't lie to get sympathy from people my parents talk to me later and they say that i was too harsh calling her a liar and she probably needs a therapist or something and the classic i should apologize since i'm more mature they even tell me that they were hoping that she was the one with the thyroid issues as a child so that they could justify her weight gain i asked them so you wanted your daughter to be sick instead of admitting that it was your fault because you bought her mcdonald's whenever she wanted it and never made her exercise now they're mad at me too definitely nta and what the hell did i just read your sister is jealous of your thyroid disease because it would justify her being overweight oh yeah this is some out of body type experience crap for me too point out that a thyroid condition doesn't give you a pass for being overweight the vast majority of people with a thyroid condition that are overweight would be overweight without it it can make it more difficult yeah but it's not a guarantee not necessarily i gained a ridiculous amount of weight by living the same lifestyle i did before diagnosis 30 plus pounds and as soon as my meds were properly evened out all the weight just fell off it's definitely a side effect although the treatment typically helps not the a-hole your sister sounds like a self-absorbed narcissist who's pushing her unwillingness to get into shape and lose some weight onto you she is toxic and manipulative and sounds like the parents enabled this behavior 100 percent enablement and disillusionment not the a-hole you're absolutely right here i can't believe she'd actually try to steal your meds from you she needs to see a therapist to deal with the hypersensitivity and your parents can't continue to encourage and reinforce it which sounds like they've done so since childhood take care i hoped everything works out i hope she wasn't stealing them to take them but rather to make a social media post or something still not right but at least that's just obnoxious and not potentially dangerous to op yeah i definitely agree with everyone's assumptions here uh nta definitely not the a-hole so dangerous to be putting her in that situation if you are taking the medications and you're just being an a-hole in general if you're pushing it i want to get thyroid disease i want a justification no you got a mental illness buddy posted by user tdog945 titled am i the a-hole suing my neighbor after she sprayed weed aside on my lawn caught my neighbor spraying wediside on my lawn in my fenced in backyard because she said she was sick of all the weeds and thought she was doing me a solid one i like dandelions they're good for the bees two i have pet rabbits dogs cats and a us that i like to roam the yard and all of them eat or at least nibble and lick the grass so it's literally poisoning my pets so anyway i kick her the hell out and take all my pets inside now two of my rabbits are dead and another is in critical condition i'll never be able to let my pets outside again to eat the grass because we decides take forever to go away because it can sit in soil for who knows how long and i'm worried that the dogs and cats might end up having a reaction too since they also nibble the grass call me over protective or over cautious i don't care i love my animals so i'm suing her for damage to my property because it is now unusable for my animals veterinary bills and emotional damage due to the death of my two rabbits i'm also trying to get the cops to pursue a case of animal abuse or at minimum criminal damage because she did basically poison my animals but i doubt anything will come from it because i have to prove ill intent but they are pursuing her for criminal trespass she's a karen i think she deserves it for thinking she had any right to be on my property at all and especially because it's killed my pets and now i don't know what to do about my lawn because i'm not risking another animal's life by letting them out or at least unsupervised for at least a year however my parents and my girlfriend think i'm being unnecessarily cruel because it was an accident and she thought she was just being a good neighbor and that i'm making it to be a bigger deal than it is and should just ask for her to pay my vet bills edits info she has asked me about the weeds before i don't remember it verbatim basically the conversation was along the lines of hey i see you have a lot of dandelions and weeds have you noticed that too yup i enjoy the look of a natural lawn something about my new car the end since she has a kid that she always asks can come over to play with my rabbits i assumed she knew that they ate them if she was looking over my fence that often and she'd noticed the dandelions were only ever flowering in one quarter of the lawn at a time because my rabbits got cycled in a way that most of the lawn was mostly weed free while the part they couldn't get to that week would be sprouting edit again thanks for the messages guys i'm taking the advice and getting a security camera and a padlock for the fence also i am in fact getting a necropsy done edit edit edits i have talked to her told her that my rabbits died after the fact and there was staining on their pen she said it's we decide not pesticide they were probably just sick edit edit edits last edit this is blowing up too much i gotta walk away sorry if i didn't answer question but my rabbits were actually outside when she did this and there was a stain on their pen i can't prove it but i'm pretty sure they got a direct spray oh my that just makes it so much worse what the hell i was gonna say before like maybe oh maybe she doesn't know that's murder that at that point if they got directly sprayed that's murder she murdered those animals as if that spray wasn't there before and there's a direct one on the end she's the a-hole in this situation she's the a-hole take her to court drag her to whatever court it takes that's that's messed up no you can't just spray rabbits with weed aside and think oh yeah it's cool yeah they're just gonna get rid of the weeds ah this has actually got me mad i'm sorry i'm going to read the responses now not the a-hole even without all of your reasoning it's illegal for her to do that period i'm sorry that it did in fact result in damages hopefully you will get compensated for it good luck you're totally justified in suing her she practically murdered his pets she has to be stupid if she didn't know how harmful that stuff is not the a-hole literally the first thing i thought was he should sue so i was glad to read that he did i really hope you win your case opie i know how hard it is to lose a pet especially one you've had for a long time not the a-hole she needs to have actual consequences not namby pamby ah she meant well bs that lets her get away with everything she didn't mean well she decided that your yard offended her sensibilities so she was perfectly in the right to trespass and spray poison around someone else's property imagine if someone sprayed poison onto your dog or cat directly and killed it and then everyone around you was like yo it's just a consequence of the the poison on the yard don't worry she meant well she was just trying to help your yard out you wouldn't you wouldn't be happy about it that's for sure she didn't even mean well if she meant well that would be something like her saying oh i noticed those weeds i have some weed aside let me know if you'd like me to do a pass through your yard too or if i noticed all those dandelions i have a great way to get rid of them if you'd like offer to be a good neighbor but accept the response you get she didn't mean well she wasn't doing it to be kind she did it because she thought her neighbor's yard was an eyesore and wanted it fixed if she really meant well she'd apologize for what happened not double down i don't know how anyone in opi's life could defend this lady at all what makes me even more mad is the edits she doesn't even sound sorry they were probably just sick like the zero remorse is exactly why people like this need to be punished legit jail time send her to jail two or three years i don't care murder get her in jail not the a-hole my neighbor did this last year and got reported to the hoa because the yard she sprayed under the cover of darkness so she knew it was wrong belongs to a family with very young children i'm sorry about your rabbits and you need to know that it's not your fault and you are a good owner guys is this the one case where hoas do rights jesus how do people internally justify this to themselves no matter what their yard looked like i wouldn't dream of saying boo let alone doing something they don't want dandelions because they are impossible to get rid of once started and the seeds blow everywhere and those people believe the whole world should accommodate them they are usually the same a-holes that ask you not to park on the street in front of their house because they want their guests to have a place to park i hate people who need to have the perfect lawn so many resources are wasted trying to keep them perfect it's bad for the environment i've always said that i'm just going to get some goats who can keep my lawn in a decent shape i'm not leaving that mowing my lawn life twice a week yep my neighbor's like that he has a perfect lawn uses a gas mower and frequently waters his gardens when i bought my house the lawn was a mess and i can't afford to fix it right now so it is uneven about half of it is this clover that flowers a pretty purple flower and i also have plenty of dandelions i don't bother watering my garden unless i have planted something new and all my plants do just fine and i agree with that i want my lawn to be like that i don't care about maintaining it like that to perfection i want it to look like nature geez is that wrong to think posted by user throwra 1287 titled am i the a-hole for emasculating my boyfriend i thirty female met this guy 28 male in january and he became my boyfriend in february come march the world goes down the drain and we decided to move in together for the time of the pandemic everything is great in the morning we have this routine where he browses reddits and gives me highlights a few weeks ago he shows me a post where this guy is challenged to an arm wrestling competition by his girlfriend the guy didn't seem to have any sort of training slash workout whereas his girlfriend did i commented he might have a surprise my boyfriend started educating me on biology and how men are stronger than women i told him there was too many factors to take into consideration to make such a broad comment i have been doing weightlifting for two years and my boyfriend has never seen a gym in his life so i used us as an example that was a big mistake he got really defensive and condescending and made comments like that's cute i just let it go fast forward to yesterday he's playing some games with his friends online and i can clearly hear him talk about me well curiosity killed the cat at first it's all pretty and my ego was bursting but then he says i'm delusional because i think i'm stronger than him pause seriously i know i'm weak but i'm not weaker than a girl so later i decided to call him out on his bs i asked him if he wanted to come work out with me the next day which was this morning so he can show me how strong he is he accepted and i was happy because i had been dying to bring him and initiate him to something that i'm passionate about so this morning we went to my friend's 27 male garage my region allows up to groups of 10 or less and we wipe everything i told them we're going to do deadlifts it's my favorite exercise and i was already planning to test my personal best so it was perfect my friend was there because he corrects my form and it's been our sunday ritual since covert 19. we started light and slowly worked our way up doing the same number of reps as the other come 185 his form starts to crumble so we made him go lighter but 185 really isn't that much for me so i kept stacking the plates he looked very supportive and impressed the whole time i ended up beating my personal best at 265. i was ecstatic and so were they when we got in the car he was very silent i assumed he was just tired i got home and that's when he exploded and asked me if i was proud of myself apparently i humiliated him in front of my friend i apologized i didn't realize he was feeling that way he got angry and said it really changed the way he saw me like i'm less of a woman now he stormed to the basement i started collecting my things but now i'm wondering if i should have been reading between the lines and stopped at 190 or something or just dropped it and never suggested we work out together i knew very well that i was stronger than him but i just had to prove it to him am i the a-hole update i still didn't get a word of him but since some of you asked i will make sure to update you when he does thank you for the overwhelming response that was a bit of a rollercoaster day but it made it easier to know that i'm not completely in the wrong lol this is hilarious and congrats on your personal best you don't need a physically stronger man but you definitely need an emotionally stronger man because that's when your boyfriend is weak you shouldn't have apologized for being better at something you work at than he is that's your only error here he wanted to talk crap and brag when he didn't deserve it don't ever make yourself less to placate the insecurity of anyone not the a-hole better said than my draft reply and it's sad when people try to rest on the laurels of their group sex race nation without personal development or excellence not the a-hole we won the super bowl hey if you need a woman to be weaker for you to feel masculine you were never a real man anyway not the a-hole opie get out of this relationship because your boyfriend is immature as hell are you really telling me a grown man got upset because his girlfriend lifted more than him what the actual hell i finished grabbing my stuff right after i posted this and went back to my friend's house he doesn't want me to be alone at my apartment i just haven't had the talk with my soon-to-be ex yet i'm not even sure he noticed i'm gone he was still in the basement when i left and he gets very in the zone when he plays his games i texted him a few minutes ago to call me when he was ready i really don't see what he could say to make me change my mind though reading everyone's comments has really helped me gain some perspective wait why aren't you allowed to go to your own apartments especially after such a pathetic tantrum from him oh no i'm allowed to i'm living with my friend the one from this morning who has a gym in his garage my friend doesn't want me to be alone in case my ex tries something stupid congratulations you made the right decision it's so fulfilling to see someone come to their senses after posting here so many times you just want to jump through your reddit screen and drag people kicking and screaming from their relationships on this sub but never really know how it turned out in the end finally a happy ending look personally there's not much i can say about this one that hasn't been said already yeah sure she emasculated him a little bit but that was his choice to go over there and he's obviously not mature enough to handle a relationship give him some time make him find another woman let him realize his mistake and everyone will move on a better person from this and i'm glad that she took the steps to make him her ex after that that's disgusting behavior so childish posted by user this is a crazed house titled am i the a-hole for telling my son and daughter-in-law that they can't have another kid under our roof my eldest son and his wife got married a few years ago initially they moved out of the state after they're waiting for my son's work then things went downhill my daughter-in-law got pregnant and quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom shortly after the baby was born however my son lost his job as well their savings drained quickly and it was too expensive to live in their state my wife and i said they could live with us while they got back on their feet on the condition that they both got jobs this was two years ago and they lived with us ever since both work and while they don't pay rent they cover all their own expenses along with the babies recently however they told us that they were planning on having a second child my wife and i said that if they wanted a second child they had to move out we love our grandchild but we don't want another baby in the house and to me if they can afford another child they can afford to move out they said we can't tell them whether or not they can have another baby i said they're living in our house i absolutely can my wife and i still have two other kids living at home my other son is a single parent as well and has a child four who lives here full time he has no plans of having more kids and is closer to moving out what if sooner but with the shutdown it messes up his search we can't have another kid around here are we being the a-hole seal not the a-hole if they can afford another child they can afford to move out and pay rent and be actual adults i really can't believe the audacity of considering bringing another life into this world when you aren't completely supporting yourself to begin with literally this if they can financially afford to have another kid they should be able to financially afford to move out don't let them stay in your own home forever i i guess there's not much else to say besides that a lot of people just gonna say the same things over for this one and i agree with that i don't think that you should be bringing another child into this world what's wrong with them there's already so many people in that house you're just gonna make even more of a problem for everyone else sort your life out move on look after yourself and your own child it's about time you're two adults you can do this it's possible anyway guys i'm going to hand you to outro magi alright guys that's all for today's episode i hope you enjoyed it if you did be sure to tell me what you thought about it down in the comments down below if you're new to the channel also don't forget to subscribe it would really help out with my channel growth and also a huge shout out to my channel patrons and members i just love you guys and thank you for supporting me on this journey if you guys are new to the channel and you'd like to support me links are down below for the patreon or you can click the join button next to subscribe if you'd like to become a channel member alright guys that's all for today's episode i hope you enjoyed it i hope you have a good day night sleep whatever you're up to and i'll see you in the next episode bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 175,336

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: WaPMvtL5lvg

Length: 166min 35sec (9995 seconds)

Published: Mon May 25 2020