r/AmITheA**Hole For Immediately Disowning My 14 Year Old Daughter?

g'day there guys it's rosie hubby Maggie back at it again with another episode of ah / mi v.a hall now if you love this one like I love you be sure to smash that like button and tell me what you think about it who is the a hole in this situation anyway guys I want you to sit back relax Chuck a prawn on the barbie and get ready for some bloody good contents posted by user yes that's what happens one titled a mighty a hole for immediately discerning my fourteen-year-old daughter after I found out she wasn't mine so I will keep this as short as possible because I don't want it to blow up and risk people figuring out my identity and I'm just looking for genuine advice and judgment from a few comments and not more sir I found out my 14 year old daughters isn't my biological daughter but my wife's ap's daughter and to be honest I always suspected this and it wasn't out of nowhere as I had my doubts prior to this but never have I treated her differently compared to my biological children because of this never so I immediately filed for divorce and decided to contemplate hard and deep about the role I want in my whole life I was almost leaning for joint custody where I got to see her once a week or something along those lines and decided I will be paying child support until she and my ex came to house last month to discuss and she said that she loves me so much but I need to understand that I shouldn't expect to mean more to her than her biological father so I lost it and was so furious and told them both to get the hell out and good luck getting a dime from her broke dad I feel really crappy about it and I know I was a jerk for that but this is not what I'm asking will I be the jerk if I decided that I don't want to be a part of the child's life and I don't live in the u.s. so no laws that require me to pay or anything sorry for my English I'm not a native speaker edit one I think I made a huge mistake by not including this in the original post but I'm worried she wants a relationship with me simply for the child support and I will not tolerate that at all added to okay now in light of everything that has elapsed in the past few hours I need to disclose a very important detail that I left out on purpose we have agreed with my ex and daughter to meet today to finally decide on what come and this was the biggest reason I uploaded this post at the time I wanted to read every response in perspective possible before taking such a huge step so I'm gonna summarize what happens I started by telling her that I still love her like the old days and nothing has changed that but my strategy to make sure my existence in her life wasn't solemnly for my money was clearly disclosing that I will financially support her on my own accord and to the extent I prefer my ex freaked out and tried to guilt trip but I was having none of that so I shut her immediately now here is where things started taking a turn my daughter tells me that if that's the way that I want it seeing her a few times a month and being more like a close family friend than a parent she respects my wishes and doesn't want to pressure me to raise someone who isn't his but she can't take me completely cutting her out of my life emotionally now what's to come is the part that makes me hate myself for underrating how kind and smart my daughter really is and how vile my ex also is I make it clear to her that if it was up to me I would love for her to be with me always but why I decided I can't fully be invested in her life is because I can't really stand to her biological parents and she suddenly starts sobbing and crying out of nowhere her mother is stunned and I ask her what's wrong and she tells me that her mother before catching up and knowing that her bio dad is financially ruined she was trying to convince her to leave me for good and now that she hates her mother and wants nothing to do with her mother anymore and she is ready to give up any future relationships with her buyer dad if that's what I want and I told her yes that was my only condition and also she explained she told me those things because she thought I didn't want her anymore and wanted to test the waters and see if I still wanted her to fully live with the family now of course my ex tried to take her and cut the conversation and I stopped her and now she is left while my daughter is still here so yes it's now more of a legal court thing more than anything else and I don't think we're gonna get an update on that but I'm gonna read out the advice everyone's Axio this child is not at fault for what the adults around her have done agreed RP is in a tough spot but it's not the daughter's fault you raised her for her entire life and this is just news to everybody besides your cheating wife I agree as well the wife could have admitted her mistakes years old but it's not the child's fault I think he's going through the emotions now which is understandable but to abandon her it's silly if you have been this girl's father throughout her life and suddenly stop because you're not biologically related then I'm sorry to say that yes you are the a-hole parenting is about a lot more than biology I understand that you were lied to and I'm sorry about that it is inexcusable of your ex but your daughter should never be blamed for that put yourself in her shoes for a minute she believed you were her biological dad she loves you and then she found out she also has another father that she has never met she was not very tactful in the way she spoke to you about it but again she's 14 and in a very confusing space if you discern her and cut her off now it will harm her for life she'll feel like she doesn't matter only her genes and it will prove to her on some level that you didn't deserve her love rise above that mate prove them all wrong be the dad you've always been for her who knows if her biological father will even be willing to step up to that role or if he can do it as well as you have please don't punish your daughter because she is your daughter for a mistake that was not hers be the big man here show her what a real father is not the a-hole I mean your wife lied to you and leached off of you for 14 years then your daughter told you that you don't mean as much to her as the biological father why would you want to be in their life at all the personal insults were unwarranted on your side but it's pretty minimal to what most people would have said in your position okay that's of the whole I don't know if I agree to that one Buffy I think personally everyone sucks here and that the father has a chance to redeem this by doing what was said in the edits and I hoped that he rekindled the relationship with the daughter and that they live a happy life separated from those toxic people in their life that's my heartache posted by user potluck a-hole titled am I the a-hole for throwing out someone's dish at a Mother's Day potluck this morning each year my neighborhood hosts a potluck for Mother's Day it's supposed to be a fun way for moms grandmothers families etc to celebrate several people have a common food allergy lactose intolerance so we usually set aside a separate table for dishes that don't have cheese this year a new neighbor Sally came and put her dish on the cheese free table I asked her what the dish was and it turns out it was something with cheese I explained what the separate table was for and moved her dish to the main table Sally wasn't happy I moved her dish and after a few minutes I noticed it was back on the table four plates without cheese so I moved it again to the main table again a few minutes later I saw Sally moving her plate back to the cheeseless table again at this point I had enough I threw her dish in the garbage because I didn't want someone allergic to cheese to accidentally eat it and get sick Sally made a scene and really put a damper on the event for many of the neighbors some people side with me especially the lactose intolerant people who were glad I was looking out for them others saying I took it too far by throwing the food Sally made in the trash I was curious about whether I was an a-hole in this situation oh my god that's one way to deal with the situation everyone sucks here for not practicing social distancing and not being responsible info just want to make sure you explained why you moved the dish correct if so not the a-hole how many times are you going to move it back for her to get the point she was being ignorant and selfish yes I explained it to her she believed the lactose table was more prominent and she wanted lots of people to try her dish she thought it wouldn't get enough attention at the main table I explained to her twice that we had people at the event that could get really sick if they ate the food she made oh yeah not the a-hole especially if people are going to blindly eat the food on the table expecting it to have no cheese not the a hole that's shockingly selfish and dangerous behavior and her part all for a prominent place Wow I'm feeling a little harsh today so I'm high-fiving you for throwing it in the trash I don't know if you guys realize how hard it is to find the response talking about the actual post there's just thousands hundreds of them flaming them from doing a potluck in the pandemic why would you guys host a potluck in a pandemic and I feel like it's a good idea why do this posted by user my husband's work wife titled am I the a-hole for demanding my fiance tell his co-workers that he will not be renewing his vows with his work wife when they returned to the office my fiancee mark works closely with a woman Meghan they both have similar responsibilities and need to work together as a team I've never had any problems with this they really don't interact outside of work we've been working from home the last several weeks I happened to be in the living room with him yesterday while his office had their weekly zoom meeting during that meeting people began talking about what they wanted to do when everyone returned to the office I could hear someone say that my fiancee and Meghan must really miss each other several other began referring to them as work wife and work husbands then someone suggested that my fiancee and Meghan should renew their vows when everyone is back in the office mark just played along and joked that they would be registered at Office Depot I left the living room in tears while he continued oblivious to how I was feeling I confronted him after the call and said I felt humiliated our wedding was supposed to be in September but we've had to postpone 'its and it's not clear when it will be safe to reschedule and here he is talking about renewing his vows with someone from work mark explained that it was just a joke and not a big deal he tried to show me some joke article his office had been passing around and Hal teleworking is ruining work wife relationships I said the term or work wife itself is offensive and humiliating because I'm supposed to be his wife I demanded that at his next meeting he needed to publicly apologize to his office and tell them that he will not be renewing his vows with Meghan because he is engaged to marry someone else I said he also needs to tell his office that they need to stop calling him and Megan works spouses he says he can't do that because it will be embarrassing and heard his reputation at work with his colleagues I said oh is it hard to feel embarrassed I would never know what that's like he called me an a-hole now that I've cooled down a little I need to figure out if I overreacted everyone sucks yeah I think the whole work wife thing is disrespectful and silly but you did overreact to what was obviously a jerk he's not literally going to be renewing his vows with anyone all registering at Office Depot and forcing him to tell everyone that they need to stop calling him and Megan whack spouses is going to make a mountain out of a molehill and give everyone the impression that you're a difficult person just ask him to stop joking about it no they were actually planning out how to do it like we're in the office to hold the ceremony and reception etc my fiance was fully on board planning meanwhile I have to nag him constantly to help me reschedule our actual wedding plans in that case not an a-hole for asking that he don't go through with it but it would be embarrassing for him to publicly apologize and say he wouldn't go through with it in front of everyone maybe ask him to talk to Megan separately and tell her it's only a joke and won't be doing a ceremony you're the a-hole but not for the reason everyone else is saying why the a-hole I demanded that his next meeting he needed to publicly apologize to his office this is weird overkill and embarrassing also doing this type of thing in a meeting could get your fiance in trouble with HR or something don't make him do this why I don't think you're the a-hole for the same reason other people do I am completely on your side that the work wife thing is weird as hell common yes but also deeply confusing and often damaging / offensive to the actual wife / relationship I think you were totally in bounds to put an end to this I simply think you did it wrong my boyfriend has a close friend who he called his work wife once I told him that it made me feel insecure and he stopped and that was the end of it I don't understand why he couldn't have just told your fiancee that you don't want him calling her his work wife anymore why your fiancée is not an a-hole he didn't know how much this would bother you a lot of people do the work wife thing which makes it seem normal he wasn't trying to hurt you but you reacted like he was marquise thinks that's the mantra of happy wife happy life is usually what you want to go with in life I know that's an unpopular opinion maybe but hey why piss off your significant other if you do love them and it's not such a huge deal I think don't do it in a public setting do what they suggested do it in private and say hey it's just a joke let's just let this one die outs let's not do a huge speech and get me in trouble with HR seems like a good way to deal with this situation posted by user primary cartoonist 9 titled am I the a-hole for not breastfeeding my baby because she bites my daughter 10 months old has recently started biting during breastfeeding when she starts to bite I simply tell her no and put her down immediately I only started doing this recently because my breasts kind of look like a war zone I'm bleeding and sore because of the biting and simply cannot take it anymore instead I've been pumping but even that is extremely painful until I let my breasts heal instead I've been doing a mix of pumping and formula my husband does not like this he was ok with me pumping and feeding our daughter until I started supplementing with formula he believes that breast milk is the best and formula is the devil because it's not natural or something at this age I'm giving her milk around 4 to 5 times a day and still attempt to breastfeed once or twice a day it reached the tipping point yesterday when he hid the formula so I'd have no choice but to breastfeed our daughter I asked him why he's doing this and he simply says he doesn't think I'm trying hard enough because I stopped simply because she's biting me and that a good mother wouldn't stop doing what's best for her child simply because she's in pain I'm sure you guys would have a field day on this guy not the a-hole based on alone we'll go read your post but data will change my mind edits I read it's Jesus freakin Christ not the a-hole is he bloody kidding I guess not or else you wouldn't be here and then that last parts this is just plain awful there's no mincing words no other way to put it he'll fudging dare he I'm filled with righteous indignation on your behalf a good husband wouldn't Gaslight his wife into thinking that she is somehow doing her child wrong by making certain her child gets the nutrients she needs while makes certain that her own body isn't relegated to the status of a chew toy I don't even know you and I'm fuming not the a-hole and I'm sorry but if my husband did this to me he'd formula to try to force me to breastfeed double down by accusing me of being a bad mother if I didn't follow his command I would tell him I'd see the formula back immediately or I'd see him in courts same Here I am incredibly angry over this my husband overheard me angry typing my response in the next room and was like whoa who pissed you off well he can recognize what I mad due to how hard I'm hitting the keys this one makes me furious not the a-hole have her bite his nipple and see how much his pain isn't a big deal also you don't need a justification to discontinue breastfeeding regardless even if you just didn't feel like it anymore edited to add for what it's worth my husband thinks hiding the formula was a scummy thing to do - absolutely not the a-hole and tears gas lighting gear he's not the one having his nipples bitten off daily he needs to close his mouth in this one and support you there's nothing wrong with formula and your baby is almost at the point where they can eat real food anyways does your husband have a history of disregarding your feelings and needs for your body does he help equally with the baby PS you are not a bad mother for using formula shake my head he's actively trying to hurt you well I don't think I can read more without the same things being repeated but I hope I didn't make you guys too mad on this one Jesus posted by user husband fail throwaway titled MIT a whole foot my wife I no longer want children I'm not sure why I'm making this post I already feel like I'm the a-hole here guess I'll start with backstory I 27 male married my wife 25 female a little over two years ago and first we lived with her parents I would help out a lot to make up for whoppers obviously subsidized rents then six months later into marriage she got accepted into University and he placed three hours away so we got our own place my wife struggles with a lot of mental illness so her just getting into university is a big accomplishment and I support her we would regularly argue about the amount of work she puts into the house I work 40 hours a week and she would be a full-time at university at first it was whoever had cooked didn't have to clean the kitchen then she stopped cleaning the kitchen after I would cook so I now clean the kitchen even after she makes herself lunch while I'm at work then she stopped cooking dinner entirely so now I also do all the dinner cooking we would pick up after ourselves in regards to living area she had stopped doing that so I now come home and pick up after her I would handle dusting vacuuming the living area and she would handle the bathroom she stopped cleaning the bathroom and I'm sure you get the idea by now it all came to a head in an extremely large fight two months ago where I told her things need to change as I'm literally doing all the housework and working 40 hours a week to provide for us she was apologetic and promised me that it was just because of school and after her finals were over things would change she finished her finals last week all B's I am very proud of her but nothing has changed I'm not even sure what she is doing while I'm at work but I come home every day to her not having cleaned up after herself in any way and nothing taken care of so here is where I think I'm the a-hole she had a pregnancy scare yesterday after she thought she had missed her period I knew she wasn't because I was apparently keeping a more accurate track of her period than she was but she asked me what I would want to name our hypothetical child and I told her that honestly I don't want to have a child with her as I can't trust how to take care of its oh my god you can't say that she's now saying that I'm an a-hole that I tricked her since kids were on the table when we got married it's cruel to take that away from her look I I forgot that they were married I thought that they were just boyfriend and girlfriend going by this Jesus Christ you are absolutely in a hole for your insensitive intosh delivery you're not in a hole for changing a mind about wanting children or even if you just want to put it off the table for now but you cannot expect to lash out at her like this in a patronizing way and for her not to be upset she should be especially considering the fact that you are aware of her mental illness this is such a slap in the face for her I am sure that being said I don't blame you for feeling differently based on having actually live together independently now and better understanding her habits and behaviors she isn't pulling her weight now and likely wouldn't especially with a child in the picture you need to work on that together before seriously considering having a child everyone sucks here her mental health issues don't give her a pass for taking him for granted she passed her finals why can't she clean maybe Opie has just snapped from carrying all the weight in this relationship what does the wife contributes she went from her parents taking care of her to Opie she is an adult who needs to help run her own home if her mental health was excessive I don't think her parents would have consented to the marriage No Opie's wife is spoiled and needs to grow up she's married it's time she put the work in everyone sucks here she should be doing more around the house for sure especially after promising you it would change but the way you phrased your response to an innocuous question about a baby name is just so out of left field and off base it was wrong and I worry for myself how much my comment was spite I wasn't raised by the nicest person and I've put a lot of effort into distancing myself from that kind of behavior have you actually had a real talk about why she isn't doing anything like an honest talk it sounds like she's overwhelmed to me and when she slacks you just pick up the slack and let it Festa she may be suffering from depression or anxiety she may be lazy who knows but it's conversation you need to have in a calm and loving way so you can both have a happy life together or not don't let things fester into resentments it never turns out well I'm not sure what an honest talk even is anymore but I've spoken to her about it every single time that I end up picking up more slack I actually would leave things for days reminding her to just do the one thing she wouldn't do the one thing and she'd apologize and cry and insist the thing will be done tomorrow but eventually with everything I would cave because there's not exactly a decent alternative clothes need to be washed trash needs to go out etc she is depressed and anxious I don't believe she's lazy though she's managed B's in a pretty competitive University she says she's biking on doing chores in her weekly therapy sessions but she's been working on doing chores for over a year now and all that's happened is it's gotten worse maybe I'm enabling her or something but it's not like I have a choice I guess say what you will with this new advice and new information that we've been given by the European that kind of sucks I don't know what I would do in his situation and I don't think it's on me to comment on their personal lives I don't know the full story but if you guys have experience with this I'd love to know what you guys think posted by user mover music titles am I the a-hole for saying this is why I married rich so my in-laws haven't liked me much since my significant other and I got together two ish years ago first it was because I was heavily tattooed and a loud mouth then it was because I don't do traditional wife things like cook and clean for my husband and getting a helper honestly their reasons have been archaic but I got over it and made sure not to interact with them too much but still remain respectful when we first met my significant other bought me an iPhone 8 plus his family threw a fit because how can you be spending so much money on a woman you just met you're wasteful and sinner are they believed I was after his money and nothing I did changed that it's continued like this with pretty much anything he got me from a car to a lollipop it was a problem I feel like there's a big chunk between those two but we're gonna leave that there just the other day significant other got me the iPhone X I pro max because I've been wanting it for a minute I had previously ordered one but because of covert there was no stock for the specific color I wanted also because of covert I was okay with not using any other device until I got the color I wanted so I haven't been in touch with family well yesterday significant other surprised me with the phone I wanted in the exact spec I was excited to say the least and obviously went to show it off to anyone who knows me he also posted it on his status with a caption happy wife happy life ayyy that's what I said enter the drama mother-in-law calls him today asking questions about the phone crew boards who paid for its with what money etc I ignored the conversation because it wasn't for me then I'm lying in bed sick with a headache when significant other takes a call from her complaining about how much money he's spending on me and how it's not necessary and why didn't I get my own phone she then asks to speak to me where she asks me if it doesn't embarrass me that I'm just spending such a young guy's money and if I wanted a sugar daddy her son wasn't the one I then laughed it off and said well this is exactly why I married rich imagine not accepting all the stuff from your significant other because people will think you're a gold digger I gave significant other back his phone and continued enjoying my brand new iPhone my issue is he chose to get me the phone he can afford the phone and there is really no reason for her to be involved in his finances when he's so old 29 male I will add there he supports his family financially significant other is a little bit grumpy because he says I shouldn't have pranked like that to his mom I'm of the view that it's none of her business and she was going to take issue with something anyway who is the a-hole I don't feel like I am but a few family members are saying I should have been more humble in my approach edits my significant other and I often buy each other large lavish gifts we've been doing this since we first met however his mother just believes I'm spending his money to buy him presents which is not true my significant other takes care of the bills while I take care of running the household admin this is an agreement we made and D comfortable with his mother is well taken care of financially and has everything she needs I don't work in the sense that I don't have a job but I do contribute to our relationship in a significant way I don't want to say that I am a stay-at-home mom but something along those lines best describes me I also do have my own separate income that goes into our mutual savings accounts because it's not needed at the moment my significant other and I both get allowances from whatever deals we get that are independent of each other so he bought the phone with his money not the combined finances or the money set aside for family / miscellaneous also my significant other and I are married as per our cultural customs I don't know why that's relevance but I'm adding it because a few people mentioned its final edits guys I promise you there's nothing wrong with liking money or even having it I can bet that a lot of you would also want to sit at home and not work so I don't know why I'm being dragged for that I'm really not offended by those who have called me a gold digger some of your comments have been amazing I obviously appreciate all the not the a-holes and maybe just a little bit the everyone sucks either but I won't be responding to DM sir that's just weird I didn't say I'm a stay-at-home mum because I don't do stay-at-home mums type things I'm more of the real housewife of Beverly Hills kind of homemaker I'm also not a cam girl or SW sex worker law I respect that profession but I'm really lazy as pointed out by many of you sir I wouldn't have the discipline to follow it through significant others saw this post and to realize how wrong he was thanks to all of your amazing comments so now he's going to get me a cute cell phone covers to make up for the pain he caused I've done a crapload to assist those affected by the current crisis in my country I may be an airhead but I'm definitely not selfish and have done as much as I can and will continue to do so also I'm not Asian not from America and I didn't mean to rub my head wealth in the faces of redditors I appreciate all of the feedback but still not apologizing to my mother-in-law that was a lot to read and I don't blame you a few zoned out everyone sucks yeah your in-laws for caring about how their adult son spends his money your significant other for handing you the phone when he could have just de-escalated the situation and you for saying probably the worst possible thing you could have said in that specific situation eta not directly related to your post but it's weird to be bragging to people you know about a very expensive gift during a time in which lots of people are struggling financially it's in pretty poor taste even if you're not intending it that way RP says she doesn't do traditional wife stuff like cook then she says she runs house admin but isn't exactly a stay-at-home mom I'm so confused what do you do all day European she mentioned in another comment that she does contract negotiation for her partner's work which i think is super awesome it's contributing together in a somewhat non-traditional way no judgment from me on the household set up if everyone's on board I just think the bragging about expensive goods is a little gross everyone sucks here your husband didn't you can spend your money any which way you like provided you're doing nothing illegal with it your mother-in-law should mind her own business in any events but especially if I'm reading me right in that her son also financially supports her he shouldn't have handed you the phone during his conversation with his mother knowing she was going to give you crap for something she had no right to be giving crap about you said well this is exactly why I married rich imagine not accepting all the stuff from your significant other because people will think you're a gold digger which to be frank makes no sense at all within the context of your story yet you seem to take a lot of pride in it's as if it some sort of brilliant clap back it's at the very best confusing you also just kind of sound like an a-hole I feel like maybe you know this and are okay with it in which case more power to you but the family members who are saying you should be more humble not sure why that's in single quotes maybe on to something - well I don't know if I have too much of an opinion on this one I think everything that needed to be said did get said in this one and I think that's what I'm gonna leave it alright guys that's all for today's episode I hope you enjoyed it if you did be sure to tell me what you thought about it down in the comments down below if you're new to the channel also don't forget to subscribe it'll really help out with my channel growth and also I'll huge shout out to my channel patrons and members I just love you guys and thank you for supporting me on this journey if you guys are new to the channel and you'd like to support me links it down below for the patreon or you can click the join button next to subscribe if you'd like to become a channel member alright guys that's all for today's episode I hope you enjoyed it I hope you have a good day night sleep whatever you're up to and I'll see you in the next episode bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 67,391

Rating: 4.8927073 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: E793hhVSPZo

Length: 32min 16sec (1936 seconds)

Published: Thu May 14 2020