Am I The A**hole? (advice to Reddit) - SimplyPodLogical #39

[Music] hey what's up hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of simply pod logical a simply nailogical podcast hello today's episode is brought to you by oats overnight yeah you know when a lot of people think about oats they're thinking about their grandma's oats they're throwing that bland oatmeal this is not what we're talking about you know oats can be hip delicious nutritious that's what oats overnight is you know it's it's usually when something tastes good it's not good for you and usually when something's uh tastes uh when something's not good for you it doesn't taste good but not oats overnight backwards it's good for you and it tastes good and my favorite flavor right now is gingerbread which they came out with for last christmas but then they just re-released it now and it's so good it tastes like gingerbread molasses for breakfast and like i'll have that every day for breakfast please so that's my favorite flavor and you can go to oats.com simply and use my code simply for 10 off all right thank you sponsors thanks oats overnight all right what are we doing today simply we are evaluating whether or not we are a-holes a-holes that's right that's as far as i understand it ben why don't you tell me so we're looking at reddit posts from a very popular subreddit called uh am i the [ __ ] so basically you have people describe situations and they want the anonymous internet mob to determine if given that circumstance or that context or that situation were they the jerk uh were they not the jerk or does everyone kind of suck in the situation right okay so we're going to give our verdict on those situations and tell these people if they are [ __ ] or not i love this trend just asking the internet what do you guys think it's it's like the easiest and best way just to get mass feedback it's like market research for your personal life experience it's great i should do it more often just pull people yeah speaking of market research that's going to come up in one of them you're going to see what oh you'll see that's a teaser all right first one i collect scrunchies i have 86 so far joanna cedia some cheap drugstore finds some made of pure silk i have a lot of memories attached to them because they were gifts from people i love or i bought them at places i visited uh today my mom's friend came to visit with her granddaughter the little girl is three and has super long hair which was tied with a headband that broke during their visit my mom's friend asked us if we had any headbands and then my mom suggested i give her one of my scrunchies i refuse and search for a regular headband but my mom is already taking them to my room to show the little girl my collection she being a three-year-old falls in love with a big hollow scrunchie that just happens to be the one my friend gave me for my birthday i just couldn't part ways with it or any of them for that matter the girl starts crying her grandma got kind of mad at me and my mom is furious she called me immature selfish and a bunch of other stuff that hurt which i think is not fair this is my collection its monetary value isn't very big but its sentimental value is huge to me uh but i did feel bad because the girl was basically crushed and now my dad thinks i'm childish too am i the [ __ ] so her mother tried to give away her hollow scrunchie to a three-year-old if it wasn't a hollow scrunchie hollow or not though i feel like this poster well my first thought in listening to this is how old is this poster just out of curiosity like is she also a child or is she 27 and then i'm like yeah that doesn't it doesn't matter what her age is because whether she bought the scrunchies herself or she got them as gifts and they're attached to memories or places she visited they're her property and they're her collectibles which she has an emotional you know attachment to and she shouldn't have to give one of them away just because some kid broke her hairband yeah this one seems to have a pretty clear answer and it seems like the internet agreed that she is not the a-hole did you read the 805 comments no but so they do a poll on each one and they'll tag the post with the result of what people decided okay so we decided the right thing well we agreed with people it's not to say they're right you know i i find the people who reply to these posts on reddit are often skew a certain way as well wait what do they skew generally which one it's a bit of a tangent but like you notice this more on the relationship uh posts for example but if anyone's talking about like a hard thing they're going through in a adult relationship and that happens you go through hard times in relationship i think the much sort of younger crowd of people on reddit is very quick to just say like oh break up with that person instead of recognizing that like people actually just go through really hard times and challenges in relationships so i think there's a bit of a tendency to be uh you're not the a-whole response maybe but i just think there's a there's a certain audience on reddit who are going to see things a certain way and it's maybe not always the most mature take anyway that doesn't really matter in this case this is this person's property she doesn't have to give it to anyone she doesn't want to yeah but i might encourage people to consider you know sharing well yeah like but she doesn't have to you don't have to but maybe you want to share your love of scrunchies maybe you could have given one of your less uh favorite scrunchies away maybe like maybe if she has 86 she has a few that she doesn't care about are duplicates just like i have some nail polish i don't care about her and i have duplicates she needs some of those extra scrunchies just for emergency situations like this but what i don't appreciate is that her her mother and her father are basically telling her that she's childish and rude for not giving away one of you know a collection she loves to a child like that's not fair do you think it matters if she is like i know we said at the beginning is her property doesn't matter if she's how old she is but i don't know if she's like a 30 year old living at home and just maybe maybe there's a circumstance where she seems a little more immature yeah maybe the mother and father's response there's a whole bunch of other things going on beyond just the non-scrunchy giving that we don't know but if this is all we know and this is all we have to go of it i would just say like i don't think it's fair for parents to act like that not the a-hole agreed all right keep your scrunchies girl next one this probably seems silly but i sent my boyfriend a video of a cat with a lazy eye because i thought it was adorable uh he's a cat person so i thought he'd find it cute too but he replied that is a very ugly cat i asked him if he's joking and he isn't i mean sure the cat isn't a beautiful model cat but why would the cat be ugly he says something along the lines of it doesn't mean it doesn't deserve pets and i tell him i don't want to talk to him today am i the a-hole wait so what her boyfriend said that a cat was ugly and she got so mad at him that she didn't want to talk to him yeah i think that's what's going on it wasn't her cat though right well it doesn't matter i feel like i'd be more insulted if it was my cat and you were calling my cat ugly but like let's put ourselves in this issue if you sent me a picture of a derpy looking cat random cat yeah a random cat you found on the internet and you were like look how cute this cat is like it's ugly that's an ugly cat would you just not talk to me for the next day no that's a pretty weird response and he said it it doesn't mean it doesn't deserve pets yeah so he's saying the cat can be ugly but also deserving of love like isn't that a nice thing yeah he sounds like a great guy maybe a little too honest but yeah yeah she's she's i mean i don't know if she's an a-hole but she's overreacting well that was her question am i overreacting yeah i think so you know i would encourage you to talk to your partner maybe this would be the first thing you can talk through all right next one uh uh first time poster longtime user reader okay background i'm a 20 year old woman uh 20 year old woman live at home with my dad's stepmom and stepsister who's eight years old let's call her jane jane lives one week with us in one week with her dad and girlfriend cassie when jane is at her house i watch her all morning and then work a second shift when my parents get home jane comes home last night with this really pretty nail polish on and i love it i commented that i love how sparkly and cute it is and jane tells me that it's called unicorn skin what cassie got it for her birthday and it's super expensive and jane isn't always allowed to use it it's for special occasions i think i'm super into nail care and painting my nails it's the one thing that helped me from anxiously picking up my nails and destroying them so i was really curious as to how much the nail polish cost so i looked it up today expecting it to be like thirty to forty dollars or something crazy but i found it's thirteen dollars for a bottle of it when a normal bottled nail polish is maybe like eight dollars i'm thinking about getting some for me and jane to use whenever we want but i'm hesitant too because i don't want to be the [ __ ] and make cassie upset so would i be the [ __ ] for getting the special nail polish for my stepsister and i to use and potentially make cassie and jane's dad upset this is so cute so she's talking about holo taco unicorn skin right so i kind of came across this by accident i was looking for examples that had nail polish in it yeah but yeah so okay wait so i stopped paying attention to the problem because i was just thinking about how cute it was that she would like unicorn skin so so this one didn't get a ton of time all she's saying is that like uh my stepsister got this very special nail polish as a gift for her birthday and she's not supposed to use it much so would she be overstepping any boundaries by also buying it for her when it's really like this special occasion thing i guess her mom and or her dad and stepmom gave for her i don't really totally know what the situation is i have an answer get a different color unicorn skin this is very just promo no no but seriously you can get the same very special maintain this the special aspect of the gift but get a different version of it so that you don't lose the gift of the first one because i understand like you don't want to just give her two of the same bottle because then it's like who got this for me i don't remember because i have two all of a sudden right it's less special if this person is out there that's actually good advice but i i will say so this one didn't get a ton of uh attention online and it got a lot of down votes and people called her an a-hole but i it's only because i looked at the comments everyone assumes this is just a fake marketing all the comments were like oh this person is clearly a marketing agency making an ad for nail polish well it says at the bottom edit took off the link because i guess this post was being seen as an ad yeah i guess at first she had like a link to the nail polish she was talking about give context so she assumed the creators of holo taco had like made this post which is actually sort of brilliant you know and i don't blame people for thinking this way because you see this on reddit too like you'll see a post about like uh someone telling a story and it's like it keeps dropping like product placements in it and it gets like way up to the front page and it's it's pretty clear that i think some marketing agencies are kind of creatively like dropping organic looking ads into reddit feeds but i i promise anyone listening to this that we had nothing to do we don't have staff posting fake reddit posts you know or fake reviews none of that stuff but this is just a good idea my heart reading this though i'm just like oh my god someone thinks that a unicorn skin is that special that it's an issue if someone else were to get her the same polish should find jane just sent her james add her to the pr list well it's not a real name let's call her jane thank you jane and poster all right next one uh so i've wanted to start a youtube channel for years now i have tons of other passions that i can delve into so it's not like at my dream or anything but youtube is something i'd like to do too not for the money or anything just for fun and if i ended up making money from it that's cool anyway my boyfriend told me that he feels really uncomfortable with that he said that if i gained a big following he's not sure if he could be in a relationship with me because of the potential fame tea he's a very introverted and does not have social media and does not like strangers knowing anything about his personal life in other words he wants his privacy respected we live together in a one-bedroom apartment and i would sometimes want to film inside but he doesn't like the idea of people seeing where we live i suggested a compromise that i wouldn't even mention him or his name in the videos and that i would film parts of the apartment that i don't have any of his personal items i'd mostly also be filming going to places around my city he doesn't like this idea at all and he feels too much personal information would be conveyed however this is making me feel controlled i like my hobbies and i feel like he shouldn't suppress that especially said since i said i would be careful about sharing personal info however i do think that in a relationship you should try to you should make small sacrifices for your partner so they can be happy as long as it's not major am i the a-hole wow this is interesting because at first i was like uh oh oh oh like if she wanted to turn their relationship into a youtube story because that is kind of the cool thing to do or has been to make relationship content and get you know more popular out of that but then reading the second half it sounds like she was very much not trying to do that at all she just wanted to try it herself and she would you know keep him out of it respect personal space understand his concern about people knowing where they live which i understand legitimacy and it's totally his prerogative if he wants nothing to do with it he doesn't want to appear with it that's fine but it sounds like she's going to all reasonable lengths to cater to his concerns but still wanting to do it herself so it sounds like he's just uncomfortable with her being on the internet even if it doesn't include him or his name so maybe he's the a-hole in this situation i don't know if a-hole is the word i would use to describe him is it because like maybe he's concerned for her safety it doesn't have to be like he's malicious and doesn't want her to become famous out of some weird like you know jealousy or something yeah but what is his reason like i understand don't know we don't know what his reason is but clearly she's feeling like it's a little bit controlling in this situation he just doesn't like the idea of dating a famous person is that yeah uh where's that also like how about that assumption right like you're right not everyone who starts making youtube videos is just gonna turn into a famous person by the way she wrote he said that if i gained a big following he's not sure if he could be in a relationship with me because of the fame so is he worried that's kind of a big leap to like say before anything happens like i understand if it's uh i guess it depends what sort of video she's making to you know what i mean like maybe he just doesn't want to live with a youtuber who's making like loud obnoxious content around the house and stuff like that like there's like i could understand there being some reasons you don't want to be with a person who does a certain job that you hate maybe i i don't know i could see some legitimate reasons i guess for it yeah if it's like disturbing like the the person with the frogs from the relationship one right having 12 frogs in your house might have disturbed him because there'd be frogs all over his stuff okay but there's no frogs here in this case though if she were filming and you know talking a lot in order to film it could be a disturbance to him whatever in his piece in his house but it doesn't sound like that's actually the issue it just sounds like he just doesn't like the idea of his girlfriend being on the internet yeah yeah i guess so but i guess i'm just trying to try to see if there's any reason this makes sense from his perspective if it's not just him assuming she might become famous in him wanting to be a completely shy introverted person i don't think people should assume that just because you start making youtube videos you're going to become this crazy famous person and it will be an incredibly difficult relationship to have all of a sudden like it just sounds like it's a passion project for her and she said that wasn't being very clear about it wasn't even her goal yeah i'm kind of curious like what kinds of videos she wants to make that's the thing like does the type of video matter like what if she's doing story time videos and it's all about i mean she said she's leaving up details i guess so as long as it's not about him then what's the issue but like that would be a red flag if i was still dating and some girl told me she's a youtuber and i looked up her channel and it's like my ex-boyfriend was crazy i almost got kidnapped by an uber driver i would like never i would have nothing to do with that person right for sure but it doesn't sound like that's her intention at all yeah it just sounds like he's just uncomfortable with the idea of her being on the internet at all which might be his own hang up maybe he has some trauma or nervousness over being like shown on the internet or maybe he's just a jerk i don't know or he's just a jerk i i always give people the benefit of the doubt i'm like there has to be a better reason why some childhood trauma that explains tell me about your childhood all right next one uh i'm a 46 year old guy i lived my life my wife and my 17 year old son my wife has been on a different continent for about a month taking care of her mother so it's just been me and my son for that time my son and i are very close when he tells me almost everything going on in his life on saturday he told me he was going to his first ever high school party this upcoming weekend he was a bit nervous since he hadn't really drank before but he knew that he was going to on that occasion i live in canada where the drinking age is 19 by the way i asked my son if he wanted to have a few beers with me while we watched a sports game that night as a test run of sorts my logic was that if he goes to the party with zero awareness of his tolerance then it could end badly and it would be best for him to find out to his limit in the safety of his home with me we had some beers over a few hours in the night and i cut him off at six uh he was pretty drunk but he was okay and slept it off we talked about it the next day and we agreed that six was a bit much for him and now he knows to have fewer than that at the party i was actually pretty content with the whole situation since he had his first experience drinking in a safe environment and i feel much more comfortable with him going to the party now however in an effort to be transparent i told my wife about it the other day over the phone and she was livid she thinks it was reckless and irresponsible was he the a-hole well i think it would have been more irresponsible to let your son go to a party never having known what it's like to drink and then he's under peer pressure you know possibly from his friends and he drinks 10 beers and then something not so good i know we're gonna have the same opinion on this because we've kind of talked about this before and we've talked about our childhood too but the idea of like harm reduction or you know that first drinking experience being in a safe environment we think is important i'll say the only thing that makes me think he's a bit of a jerk in this situation is he didn't tell his wife you should tell your wife like you should be on the same page as your partner your think it was like that spouse of a deal he's like i'm it's my son he's sitting right beside me i'm watching him it's a few beers yeah so he didn't think it was a big enough deal you would think you would know you would have a 17 the sun that's yeah that's two years under the drinking age christine oh yeah right well let me ask you this when did you have your first drink uh i was probably like 16 ish something like that old that old how young were you did you try your first i when i was i think 15 and we started having like house parties all my friends were drinking beer had like hot tub parties or whatever and so i had a small house party and my dad was sitting on the couch watching a race and my friend came my friend came in with a two-four pack of beer and then he was like shocked that my dad was right there and then my dad just like looks at him and goes you better give me one sorry and he's like here sir have two or whatever so my dad took a few beers and then me and my friends drank while my dad was still home and i think that like maybe my family just felt more comfortable being around if i was drinking because nothing ultimately bad was gonna happen no one was getting in a car like no one was doing anything crazy no one was jumping off cliffs or whatever yeah so i kind of grew up with it not being that big of a deal and learning early on before i went away to university and that's when kids are you know totally free away from their parents and free to make mistakes that i don't think i made the same mistakes because i was around adults who who understood like limitations of alcohol and also i didn't feel like it was i was being restricted i had friends whose parents were like you're not allowed to drink one sip when you go to that party or will ground you and what do you think they did when they went to the party they drank the entire bottle because it was like this is what my parents told me not to do so i didn't feel that drive because i didn't have parents telling me that you know alcohol is the devil so i was just like whatever i'll have a drink because it's fun but i'm not going overboard i think i mostly agree with you but i think there maybe should be a bit of a reasonable limit to like not having parents that like actively you don't like i i get you want to do it in a safe environment but i don't know if you don't want your parents at all to be somewhat a force of preventing you from doing things at too young in age don't really know where that threshold is but i agree with you that you don't want people going off to like university or putting themselves in a riskier situation the first time they do get drunk for example right like i remember in high school like the end of the year like graduation party for all the good for the graduating class it was very clear the people who like that was the first time they had ever drank alcohol and they kind of embarrassed themselves whereas you know other people i think you know like i think just a healthy relationship is like yeah your dad like having a beer with you at some point when you're 16 or 17 or 18 just so you know what that is or like i went on a family trip to italy when i was a teenager and it's just normal for for younger people to drink there yeah i remember i just like tried a glass of wine or something at one point i don't really remember much about it but but my parents were definitely more strict like i when i was 16 17 or 18 i was going to parties that people were drinking at that i was drinking at it i couldn't be honest with my parents about that and i don't know if that did me any favors i definitely did a bit of uh maybe binge drinking is a strong word but like i don't think i had a healthy relationship with alcohol at that time in my life i think a lot of teenagers are learning to navigate that though but i guess just from my experience my friends often tended to like drink more or like get that alcohol because they were hiding it from their parents and it was like i'm gonna do this anyways whereas that didn't that wasn't my motivating factor so i feel like i almost wasn't as motivated to drink all this right now while my parents aren't looking because i didn't have parents who cared that much i'm not not trying to say that they didn't care at all like let me be clear but they they didn't see it as like the most awful thing i could possibly do yeah and it's not but at the same time i think binge drinking and i think we've even talked about this before and like binge drinking habits among young adults is like actually a pretty it's a it's not a healthy thing right and it's not good for your body it's not something i want to encourage or not be too uh nonchalant about the idea of young people drinking right i feel like our if there's any advice coming from this not that we are parents or are going to be but i would think what i'm saying here applies most to young parents or new parents because i i as a teenager i think i benefited from having parents that were a little bit more like understanding of the realities of my friends and what we want to do when we do when we go to parties and that helped me and not like hold it against them so i think like new parents you know when your kids are eventually old enough like maybe that's advice for that it's not advice for currently 16 year olds to go out and get wasted you know and make your parents like agree because unfortunately and i've seen this in my comments i forget maybe it was in like a drunk water marble video but there are some people or followers we have that like are really upset by the fact that their parents are extremely strict right and it really bothers them and they're in a hard place and then they ask me things like how do i get my parents not to be so strict and and that's an advice like i i can't help you there if your parents are extremely conservative or strict about alcohol like unfortunately they're your parents until you move out or you're 18 you're right and can make some choices of your own so you kind of do have to respect what your parents think is right for you and our opinion on this may not be the same as someone else's did you just say in a drunk water marble video yeah jen and i filmed a drunk water marble video did that ever get published i don't think are you sure yes i don't think you ever made it yes we did you should okay i remember when it used to be way more normal on youtube to be like it was around that time i'm doing my makeup when i'm drunk and stuff people don't make that kind of content no you're right and i think that that's good because we're not trying to like glamorize getting drunk either but we did make that video when that was more common and i remember comments on that video being like i wish my parents weren't so strict or something and i'm also like guys i'm 26 when i'm filming this video but maybe i'm just losing it but i don't remember this video happening at all by the way i'll play a clip okay anyways we don't even drink like we don't even drink at all but do you see what i'm saying like my upbringing i think also contributed to me not caring that much later about alcohol because i was like whatever it's not a big deal yeah i just i don't really have an appreciate i feel like i was doing a lot of it just for purely social reasons not because i liked it that much like the same remember i realized one day like i don't really like beer all that much and i was drinking so much beer i realized my name i'm like you know what whiskey doesn't really taste that good or like vodka tastes like cleaner all right moving on uh i live in a small house with three other university girls and one of their dogs the house is a rental and almost all the furniture is old and we'll stay with the house last week i was sitting on one of our three couches in the living room filing off the corners and breaks in my fingernails i put a bit of nail polish on a couple nails that have chipped and then i just relax on my phone one of my roommates sally and i got an argument about her dog barking too much and peeing on the carpet occasionally when she's gone for a long time uh sally then said i have been terribly rude for filing my nails on the living room couch and that's the grossest thing ever she regularly paints her nails in the living room and even clips her dog's claws right on the couch uh when i mentioned this she said it's different because it's a pet but for me it is still gross too am i the a-hole well ev everyone sucks here well like our fingernails worse better or the same as dog nails no it's both you both shouldn't just be doing that in your like that's my question because her friend sally was saying it's fine when it's a dog and that's why i'm saying they're both wrong so what is the answer no one should file their nails in the living room you shouldn't clip your nails in the living room and you shouldn't just clip your dog's toenails and leave them in the living room either right i mean like i think i've filed my nails in the living room but but i but i do it over paper towel and then clean it up and then put it away yeah like on my desk when i'm in my office i guess were you living with other people or is this in your place no when i lived with roommates i would always do that stuff in my room if you're talking about your own home privacy your own home cut your nails wherever you want no no one cares while you're eating but if you're in a common area with other people or people like you see people doing this in public like you can go on the internet and find clips of like people like clipping their toenails on the subway well i i clip my toenails on the internet all the time give you that [ __ ] for free i would just say people who cut their nails in public are are are like monsters something happened to them i mean i don't think they're monsters they're monsters absolutely like it's just good hygiene what are you defending these two flip your toenails in public if you got on a bus and someone's cutting them what if they are not fortunate enough to have a home then you're really going to turn this around i mean i i don't know we don't know the circumstances always give people the benefit of the doubt then you don't always give so so everyone in this situation i would recommend if you have roommates it's probably wisest to file and prep your nails in your room room the bathroom yeah but always i think it's good to put down a paper towel and that way it'll like it'll pick up whatever clippings or filings and then you just roll up the paper towel and throw it out after i mean this isn't the give advice on how to clip your nails trying to give practical advice here uh everyone sucks here uh also her dog was peeing and pooping on the carpet that's yeah that's pretty bad too yeah that's worse than nail clippings like i'm sorry uh what's next so i dated a youtuber uh oh we went out for about a year and it was all right yeah this is my post uh they were emotionally invested in their channel they constantly neglected me and made me feel like i wasn't a priority uh not really important why we broke up but we broke up uh then i get a bunch of messages from friends about three months later telling me to go to their channel i'm pretty much done with them but i do and realize they made a video about me where they claim i was emotionally abusive i continue to get messages from strangers telling me how awful a person i was and how they hoped i died so i sued my ex it ruined them i knew they were financially in a bad spot and they likely couldn't afford court fees but the case dragged on they made a video about not being able to afford court costs and how it was going to ruin them and after which a bunch of friends started telling me to just let it go and move on but i had sunk money into the case as well it wasn't cheap for me either so i didn't let it go eventually the judge ruled in my favor and i received a total of nothing but it meant i could link to the results uh in the comments section of every other video she tried to frame me as the bad guy because in our state court proceedings our public record suddenly her viewership dropped and she blamed me for ruining her life a bunch of friends said i went too far and should have just taken the court win and left her alone was i the a-hole wow there's a lot to understand heavier than i realized there's a ton of context to the situation we don't have right yeah we're hearing it from the side of the guy like my perspective on the situation would change entirely if he was an emotionally abusive boyfriend you know what i mean because it would be very easy to just take this at face value and basically say that you know like she has to take responsibility in fact she disparaged him on the internet and he has a right to seek some recourse for that but if she didn't disparage him yeah it's important that people are able to especially like victims of any sort of domestic like need to be able to speak about that too right so i just don't want to be blind to that sort of aspect of this issue correct we're only seeing one side here yeah i don't want to just assume this is some uh youtube girl story time person exaggerating stories about being kidnapped by uber drivers or their ex being a sociopath or who's who's the who's that gabby did all those things there's a bunch of girls that do that but there's a lot of people who are basically known for like exaggerating and lying and making stories like this so part of me thinks maybe this is kind of a justice served scenario at the same time yeah if he is telling the truth and we are to believe everything he says then it sounds like he just didn't want to end up as like a victim of these types of videos right yeah which which i can understand um i just think it's crazy like he actually sued her and she mustn't have been that giant or successful of a youtuber given that he's saying like she didn't have enough money to afford court fees and that's just crazy that he actually went there it is pretty extreme to go go through with it like i've never heard of anyone actually like suing an ex-partner over like things like but i guess it's different if like you often you know maybe you'll lose friends in a breakup or something like that but to have a bunch of strangers on the internet to start sending you death threats because of something your ex said about you that is maybe not true and the internet and fandoms as we've spoken about before is extremely powerful so whatever she put in her video whether it was true or not her fans are just inclined to to believe that and if it included you know naming him and disparaging him and calling him a violent person then i can understand if he is telling the truth that that is not the case how incredibly hurtful and harmful that is to him his mental health his reputation if this is a true story and he won a court case i have to think that he was able to establish that what she said about him was not true right good point if the judge did in fact i mean he could just be making this entire thing up oh yeah who knows i mean it's the internet right yeah who knows but like that's that's crazy and then her viewership dropped after that when he posted like the results of the court record because her viewers were like oh you lied to us i guess and then she blamed him for ruining her her life yeah she sounds like a real winner but like she she made the choice to make videos or she made the choice either way to make content about him and their relationship right which she monetized possibly so so what do you think so christine if we ever broke up will you make a bunch of videos about me do i have to sue you i just i can't imagine that like is this tough it's pretty extreme like i don't think he's an a-hole but i think it is i kind of agree with the people who are like why you really couldn't let this go at a certain point well you suit her presumably to make her stop but then she didn't stop so when he got his court result he used that to post in the comments and say guys look see i'm not lying and i can understand how sometimes when you know you're being smeared all over the internet and you just want to tell people it's not true but you don't have any evidence to point to he all he wanted was that evidence so he could have some form of peace and be like look guys look yeah but was he actually being i wonder to what extent you need to feel like you're getting a bunch of negative is it like to what extent does it actually have to harm your reputation before you actually go to these links yeah because in my mind i feel like it would have to be pretty significant before you actually try to suit somebody that's crazy like you you get you have people lying about you on forums and stuff like that and it's negative attention and if people google your name they might be able to find it but we're not just going out trying to sue people who do that no that would that would increase the negative intentions yeah right i guess it's different because you are already like a very well-known person but uh so is this uh so would you ever do this ben oh would i yeah i'd make a v who did maybe i shouldn't say this we know someone who is a pretty big youtuber when she broke up with her boyfriend i guess he also works in the industry and he went around like in job applications and stuff like trying to take credit for uh for a lot of her success you probably know who i'm talking about we probably shouldn't talk about i mean that sounds like a familiar story that we've also heard in music and entertainment sure sure yeah so like yeah it's a thorny issue i guess all right moving on that's just a crazy situation just every everyone sucks i think yeah uh here's a pretty famous one i got a lot of comments and traction a while back uh i'm a teenager and my mom is kind of famous on instagram and blogging oh god she had a mommy blog all when i was growing up and of course me and my sister were always involved it sucks because there's so much out there about us and what's what's going to come up when i'm looking for a job when i'm dating and when anyone looks up my name i found a website that will print custom jackets print all over the front and back and arms and i ordered some hoodies that say a bunch of phrases all over them like no photos no videos i do not consent to being photographed uh it sounds silly but it looks pretty sick actually i got one from me and one and for my nine-year-old sister who started to not always want photos i guess the idea is that my mom can't take good looking pictures even candid ones with us in the hoodies without them having a pretty strong message my mom was mad when they showed up and really mad when i'm wearing mine she says she just wants pictures to remember my young years by she won't post ones without asking but i know there's a whole mess anyway she always says that and then negotiates me into letting her post like either by saying that's how she makes income or if i want money or something so stop arguing about pictures yada yada uh i'm just so fed up and upset that my mom is mad at me for wearing my new hoodie every day she's mad i won't take it off for any event and think it's inappropriate to wear certain things i know it's really weird but it feels like my only option am i the a-hole for wearing my no photos hoodie this makes me so this is really sad right and i feel like this is just the tip of the iceberg that in the next five ten years i think we're gonna start seeing a lot of like uh we're gonna start hearing a lot of stories of children who grew up in like family vlogger style environments and how messed up they were as a result of that and how they resent their parents for using them as monetary tools yeah no i can see a lot of problems from this well this is showing the problems of it i guess well yeah so just to quickly get away obviously this person is not unreasonable or a jerk at all for not being comfortable with their entire life being posted on the internet or and she's a teenager so she's very well aware i think at this point like of what social media is what it means and she knows it's very clear i think from the way she described it that she's not okay with it and she understands why yeah and she she knows the reasons yeah she has a good understanding i don't want this to be what shows up when people follow my name i have a right to consent no profiting off my image was one of the things she printed on her custom shirts which i think is incredibly like smart like it's this is an incredibly sad story but just her her initial thought to like what can i do to protect myself what if i print that i don't want to be here or in this situation it's pretty bright on my t-shirts so when mother takes a picture of me it's clear and she's not gonna post it right i think that that's really smart so i guess the only like there i don't see much gray area in this at all i think it's a pretty clear situation where the mom is being unreasonable and treating her children like commodities right but do you think family vloggers that's a thing would disagree with you and say well there is gray area because yadda yadda i have the right to exploit my children i just i don't know where to draw the line it's not entirely clear to me where that line should be because is it inappropriate to put your kids on the internet at all i don't i don't think i totally i think yeah we've had this discussion many times um and i think it's it's ultimately hard for us to have a real answer because we are not parents and if we had children we might come up with a particular you know rule set that we are comfortable with and it might be different than other people i i don't really know and i'm not going to say what is best for other people's kids because they're not my kids and it's up to the parent yeah it's tough yeah we're not going to come down with our rules on this but you know and we know people we're friendly with people who have had uh child vlogging and content or made child vlogging content and you know for like as a genre on youtube for new young mothers to be able to watch content from other mothers about raising young children like i could see that being somewhat valuable but i guess i am just still hypersensitive to people just trying to make money off of their kids especially when the kids are old enough to be recognized and start developing their own identity like that seems to me like a pretty clear line or even us like obviously we don't want kids or anything but i don't think we'd like there'd be all sorts of privacy concerns and things like that you know like you could have weirdos showing up at your kid's school trying to meet them because they're kind of famous yeah i just feel like we're gonna there's gonna be so many crazy stories about some of the the kids of the ace family or the daddy of five kids when they grow older and we've seen examples like that of uh child protective services having to to get involved and even like take kids away out of these situations it's it's like uh remember like behind the music they used to have those documentaries about like uh people's like careers spying i feel like the same way we talk about child actors of like the 80s and 90s we're gonna be talking about some of these child stars yeah and i think some of those cases like the daddy of five are very extreme obviously of what happened there which was a situation of abuse but then there's other family vloggers who arguably there's no abuse going on but it's just still such a hard are they exploiting their children or if their child says you know i'm fine if you were to ask them are you okay with being filmed and they say i'm fine well it's like well they're five and do they have the capacity to understand what is actually happening and what it means for their future because a court might decide no being that at that young of age you don't have the capacity to appreciate certain adult decisions but ultimately a court might also say well it's the parents decision because they are their legal guardian to do as long as it's not abuse but i guess the question is like yes it's not abuse but is it some form of exploitation and it's really hard to say what's okay because you don't really know until that child grows up looks back and you know has the now adult capacity to reflect and say i was okay with being in the bath in that video or i'm not okay with the fact that that happened or with the fact my like so much of my mind exists on the internet or an embarrassing moment happened to them i don't know you know that their mom thought was cute and made an entire vlog about it like and yeah and i think it's it would be very charitable to think that all these parents are doing it you know purely in the interest of their child right i think it's pretty obvious that's at least not always the case i think you can even recognize sometimes even with some of the bigger young internet stars whose parents sometimes kind of get involved and they make like oh my daughter's hugely popular now i'm gonna make our family channel so i can also be famous like when you see little hints of that like there's something really dark about that to me and i think parents not all parents have a bad intention who put their kids on the internet like i just want to also say that because i was a child actress if we recall there was no no internet opportunities at the time but i was between the ages of 8 and 12 an age where your parents are making the decisions for you and i was put in auditions to be in commercials that would play on tv i was in one movie i was asked if i wanted to do it i wasn't forced to do it just like i'm assuming that most of these family channels the parents are like do you want to play on these castle blocks and i'll film you and the kids like sure because that was my attitude like do you want to be in this cheerios commercial or would i give you snacks and i was like sure right so like you do it and the kid usually i would think isn't having a terrible time or else you'd see it right and they're probably fine but i had zero appreciation at that age of that there was an income coming out of it i mean like maybe i kind of knew but i had no idea how much with the value of it whether or not it was worth it for for my work like i don't know any of this and my only representative was a parent now my parents i think ultimately acted in you know my good goodwill and wishes that i wanted because when i was 13 i i in part said i didn't care to do it anymore and they also wanted me to focus on school so for me it was like a good end of story no one forced me to continue something that i didn't want to do but when you're family vlogging and presumably that's going to continue over the course of your childhood and watch you grow up because that's part of the storyline unless the parents decide they just don't want to make youtube videos anymore but that is so much pressure on the kid as they grow up to keep doing it yeah yeah it's a really complicated issue i i think that's sort of like you know just trying to keep the best interest of the child is the most important thing and that doesn't always necessarily lead to the conclusion of not sharing them on the internet right because at the same time i can put myself in these people's position and think and the same for you in child acting you know part of the calculus is money for their future yeah my if you can set your kid up to have if your kid blows up on youtube or tick tock and starts making like hundreds of thousands of dollars are they gonna be more resentful of the fact that you put a lot of their childhood on the internet or did you basically set them up for life by making just some mostly harmless content maybe so i just don't i don't want us to just say like putting your kid on the internet's like the worst thing in the world but i think you definitely can recognize examples of people doing it for maybe not the best reasons it's important to see both sides but then it becomes really hard for the parents eventually to know like okay that's enough or we've got enough you know to establish your future and pay for your university education or college tuition but oftentimes it doesn't just have to be a step to that sorry and i don't mean just that but just whatever it is that the parent is after to like have a good life for their children once you've hit like a million or you know two million dollars you don't actually need more money than that to assume to make you know your kid be okay enough but some people what i'm saying these giant family vloggers who have multiple millions of dollars they can't use that argument is my point no although like you can't retire at 13 with a million dollars well do they never want their kid to work i hope that's not i don't know i think you want it maybe you'd want to take them to the point where they're mature enough to make decisions for themselves and then they could make a decision about whether this is something they want to continue doing yeah sure if you hand over monetization to them yeah well but that's tricky too right because do you want your 14 year old all of a sudden having access to that money either is that the rest i thought you meant like the age at which they could legally monetize their own content how well do you have to be is it 16 or 18 i don't know on youtube how old do you have to be to have an adsense account it's 16 or 18. but i don't like a lot of people just get around that by having their parents a lot of the hugely successful youtubers now just had their parents basically manage things for them right yeah and then your parent becomes your manager yeah and ships you off to l.a just live out your dream yeah i don't know maybe our opinion is different on this than most people's but i don't know dicey but anyway this is just a sad story i hope this girl i i hope like at what point could you just as a person reach out to these social media platforms and get like images of you taken down if you basically didn't consent to it right yeah i think she probably could and i i don't know the process for youtube but at least on facebook there's a whole process where you can get pictures of yourself taken down you just have to prove who you are and it based like like this would have been like if when you wanted to not act anymore as a child it would have been like one of your parents being like oh no but we really need the money or like you have to keep doing it or pressuring you into doing it and that would have been awful and i would have worn a shirt that says i'm not acting for you all right my heart goes out to the the poster here yeah very she's doing okay and i've you know if you ever sell those shirts i'll buy one i think that's really smart i'd like to support you would you wear that shirt yeah i'm gonna wear no photos ben no photos uh all right uh next one uh my boyfriend has a cat named luna she knows her name is luna and responds to it it's her name but my boyfriend also calls luna names like sweetie and cutie uh for example when he gets home luna will usually go greet him at the door and he'll kneel down and pick her up and hug her and say something like sweetie i missed you too he's a hundred percent talking to his cat not to me when he says that he missed her i told him that i don't really like that he calls his cat the same names he calls me it's not right because his cat's name is luna and it's probably confusing to hear her uh calling him or he for her to hear uh him calling her sweetie and also hearing him call me sweetie as well it's also weird because now when he calls me sweetie i just think about how he calls the cat sweetie and i think it's gross i asked him to please stop calling luna sweetie and gave him my reasons but he says that i'm being ridiculous and won't listen i told him i'm fine if he wants to call his cat sweetie then i don't ever want to hear him call me sweetie or any other nicknames that he calls his cat he just laughed and said okay and i told him to stop being an a-hole and he turned it around and called me an a-hole and hasn't talked to me for a few days am i being the [ __ ] here it sounds yeah it sounds like she's jealous of she's jealous of the cat of the cat like this is so big like this this is a real person like i don't it's too weird to be fake this one someone actually in the world like is concerned so ben what are the nicknames you have from menchie oh what do you call matchy god there's so many things we call mitch and there's some things i call menchie that i also call you like what like uh sweetie sweetie sweetie muffin muff like muffin muff uh boo boo although i just call me princess little princess princess peach a little pumpkin baby we call me what are you help me out here what do we call boo-boo little boo-boo mousse she puts a mousy in your shoe mushy we say with an accent we call menchie all sorts of benchment cute things menchie muff sweetie so would you be up offended if i also called you a boo boo canoe no i mean like why am i a boo boo canoe that's kind of a weird thing why is menchie a booboo canoe good point why do we call her i don't know but but you want you call her sweetie sometimes and you also say sweetie to me does it make you jealous we're literally this post i think you when when menchie and i are like really cuddling i'm on the couch you get a little jealous don't you but i'm jealous because she just loves you so much oh oh it's not my affection you're jealous her affection for you [Laughter] you know what at night too zyler will often like need to be beside you yeah i'm a little jealous of that you know because sometimes like we're in bed i'd like to cuddle with you but like zyler's there no he's taking up all the room yeah no this lady is nuts i love the guy's reaction he's like what huh you're being crazy i'm just calling my cat sweetie it's because you're using i think her issue is with using the exact same name so she's like i should be more important than whatever you call your cats yeah she doesn't want to be on the cat's level yeah she wants to be on a higher level maybe he loves the cat more than her though right maybe she's insecure maybe this relationship isn't that secure and that's the real issue here and this should have been posted on our slash relationship what if what if he posted the same story on the reddit relationship son he's like my girlfriend is crazy am i crazy i like here's the thing like if if she is otherwise not a crazy person and this is maybe just the one thing that bothers her you could just call her something that he doesn't call the cat right i guess but i i don't know like i'm not bothered when you call both of us sweetie yeah but if you were i'd be like okay i'll just whatever call you different cute things yeah yeah it's not that big of a deal it's not that it's really not that deep oh all right and last one says nail polish so my wife came home the other day with this new black and white speckled nail polish i thought it was super cool and was excited for her to use it because she was excited about it too she and our daughter who was nine years old did their nails today and use the cool new speckled polish i saw my wife's toes and complimented them then i got really excited when i realized oh if you did like a sky blue underneath it would look like a robin's egg i kind of want to do that like you could do it on my big toe it'd look so cool my wife made a stinky face then shook her head no i asked why not and she said it would be weird my wife comes from a very conservative background and this topic of men being overly feminine makes her uncomfortable despite that i think doing one of my big toes in a cool polish would be harmless i asked her if i'm allowed to think it looks nice and she said yes but she didn't want me putting it on my toe i asked our daughter who who chose spiderman valentines this year should be discouraged from liking boy things and she said no that's fine then i replied with am i not allowed to like this then it's not uh gonna do up my whole body not every other nail i just think this one design would look cool my wife got up and left the room i typed this then she texted me telling me i was being ridiculous and i she hopes i get over myself soon am i the [ __ ] for arguing my position about doing one of my toes with nail polish i wonder what the wife thinks of the new harry styles cover you know that came to mind as i was reading this out too uh i would just buy that magazine and just put it there and just leave it in the kitchen see what she does here's the thing like there's really nothing new about that did you see uh i guess logan paul there was some viral clip of him going around because he took the position that he doesn't think it makes harry styles less of a man or less masculine to wear a dress right surprisingly the internet agrees with logan paul well he i guess the buyer is so low with that guy anytime he has like a correct take everyone's impressed yeah anytime he's a decent person everyone's like celebrating logan paul just because their their expectation is that he's just a terrible person right but uh yeah like i guess what what do you think about men wearing dresses why would that bother anyone i think that if i were younger and still you know stuck in the in old and the earlier 2000s and i was immature and hadn't learned about the world as much as i know today i probably would have thought well that's weird don't do that that's for girls and i'm being like totally honest here um today i have completely challenged that thought process you know maybe in the last 10 years and i don't think that way so my first thought was like are these just a really young couple and maybe this is old but uh no it sounds like they're our age and uh this was posted recently so just hearing the poster say that she comes from a very conservative family is that how he put it i think there's your explanation there that it's probably something to do with her personal socialization and the expectations her family or culture or religion possibly have set for her and what men and women are expected to do and how they behave differently yeah when when we read things like this i think it's a reminder of i guess sometimes we're sort of ignorant to the fact that there are places where they're ignorant yeah yeah we're ignorant of some of the ignorance that still very much exists right and i guess maybe we've been a little blind to that in some ways because we you know live in a city where we don't see a lot of like open homophobia or something for example right there's rainbow roads like on our main roads like to represent lgbtq plus communities yeah i get that i i don't want to pretend like homophobia doesn't exist in canada there is a big difference though between the one of the uh the capital of canada and maybe middle america yeah yeah and i guess whenever i read things like this it just reminds me of like people living in a completely different experience right than we do right it's not like a an apology it's not apologizing for them or uh making excuses for them it's just sort of recognizing that other people don't have the same sort of progressive social views meet white we might but just like i just it's another one of those things where you just wonder why it bothers anyone like here her husband is just being like oh cool that might look cool on my toenail that like no one is ever gonna see i just want to see what it looks like and the fact that like she's getting all super hung up about that like like this guy is basically saying her conservative background you're saying the same thing and like what sort of baggage are you carrying with you it's not baggage it's just i'm sorry i'm i'm thinking what she would say she would say it's not baggage it's just what i was taught and what's right and wrong that would be her argument i mean it's just wrong if men were dressed in the nail polish man i can't back it up but it's just wrong like i don't want someone to take this out of context you don't have to play devil's app but that that's what what we hear that's what i hear when i hear what okay so tell me why what is the problem and the their answer is just like well it's just wrong it's like on sister wives you know that show with cody the head of the household the guy who has like four wives yeah they once on live television asked him how would you feel if one of your wives decided to get another husband and his answer was well that would be wrong it would just be wrong and the reporter's like tell me why that would be wrong well that's not how it's supposed to work and he had no answer beyond that and that stuck with me so much because i just think that's so powerful in explaining why people you know have grown up into social norms and their beliefs and they're so fixated on it they can't even challenge why they you know you could flip it on its head and that was just the perfect example that sister wife one so i imagine this poster might feel the same well it's just wrong she doesn't have a real answer yeah and i mean like at the same time like i'm a guy and i'm like i have no interest in wearing a dress it's not something i would personally do i just just don't see yeah what is the reason for judging i painted your toenails remember that i remember growing up actually in florida we used to go to florida to visit my grandmother every year and while my dad was sleeping i'd we would paint his toenails my sister and i and he'd wake up and be like what's that for and like make a joke of it yeah but he wouldn't really care and then he'd just wear them out like we went to the beach and he didn't care like it was funny for us girls to paint his toenails because i guess at such a young age we knew i guess that's weird and funny if you're you know your dad has painted toenails but he didn't care that we did that and he laughed and then he wore them out sandals on the beach yeah yeah like i'm not saying you have to like celebrate it or like i think a lot of people who take issue with this and like the harry styles and address thing are are trying to argue that there's like an attack on masculinity in modern society i saw a tweet like that yeah and like maybe there are some examples of that where uh traditionally masculine traits are kind of being discouraged in young boys in school for example like i'm willing to hear that argument to some degree i'm willing to being discouraged [Music] young girls typically do way better in school than young boys and i think some people take the position that that somewhat has to do with the fact that uh education systems have embraced like uh a feminine style approach to teaching young people as opposed to embracing the fact that young boys are going to be boisterous and more competitive and uh like i i don't know i'm not i'm i know i don't know what i'm talking about you've seen there's people people make this argument that like you know young kids are told taught not to be like competitive everyone's a winner all these things and i think there's a concern or some people are concerned that that is skewing our education system to a more like sort of feminized approach as opposed as opposed to one that caters more to a more masculine approach is it feminized or is it just more about equality though and the people who are concerned with the being feminized are just a little sensitive look i don't know i don't want to be the guy even advancing this argument because i'm not saying it's something i believe in neither apparently i'm just saying i'm willing to hear someone make an argument about you know how like there are traditionally masculine traits and we shouldn't just try to say anything masculine is toxic masculinity because there's definitely kind of a trend towards that as well right like any traditionally masculine traits are just awful i've seen lots of men though like embrace simple things like nail polish like i just don't understand why it's that big of a deal there was a huge culture of wearing like black nail polish among like emo goth bands right for like the last few decades is that because it's a rebellious thing for a man to wear nail polish but then they made it cool by doing so yeah i just i really just don't think it's that deep right because at the end of the if your conception pain y'all it's pain but if your conception of masculinity boils down to like aesthetics like nail polish or dresses i just think that's such a weak argument it's very superficial sounding yeah yeah superficial yeah i mean that's i think that's all i'm going to say about it because i i yeah neither neither of us are experts in the gender studies i'll never make a stinky face if you want to paint one toe like a spiked egg in fact i'll do it for you and if you wanted to wear uh a man's suit i wouldn't have any problem with that well like i wear sweatpants all the time what is that masculine clothing well it's not a dress so i don't know i never wear a dress if you wanted to wear a dress i wouldn't object either i got a lot of [ __ ] for not wearing dresses in the past yeah yeah when i whenever i go to weddings there's at least two pictures of me at a wedding where i'm not wearing a dress i'm wearing nice pants but they're just not a dress and then like people be like why don't you wear a dress like a real lady like guess i'm not a real lady i wore a dress to sophia's wedding now it wasn't even my dress it was corinne's dress because i don't have dresses and then everyone was so like shocked and they were like wow it's amazing you're dressing in a dress like good job and i'm just like i don't know it was really different seeing you in a dress like yeah you never wear dresses well i like to go against the norm against the grain why don't you wear dress you just don't like i mean i think part of it is i i'm not inclined to show off my body for the purposes of showing off my body like to look good like wearing a dress and an add an event is like a showcase moment working out in workout gears is different because you're doing that because it's comfortable and the way you can move so i think that's my explanation for why i wear form-fitting clothes working out but a dress is like i kind of see it as a performance piece for other people if it's for an event like if i'm going to an event and i'm picking my dress what am i going to wear it's other people are going to see your dress so basically you're good you don't want the attention yeah i don't want you you don't want i also just like to be comfortable and dresses i find really hard to walk in especially with high heels oh yeah because your shoes matter more if you're yeah like if i'm wearing a dress that's tight and it would be more comfortable to wear flats or like running shoes but you know that wouldn't look good so running shoes i've definitely done that yeah you know i don't mind that you don't like doesn't matter to me good now paint your toenails tonight all right uh oh i've got i've got one more what i've got my own so what did you do are you an [ __ ] so the other week i i shaved most of my facial hair but i i left a mustache and i like how a mustache kind of looks on me but my girlfriend kept coming out she thought i was only doing it to bother her which might be kind of partially true but i kind of liked how it looked but she was giving me such a hard time she was refusing to kiss me while i had a mustache so eventually i just shaved off my mustache but i'm a little resentful that my partner basically is trying to dictate what i should do with my facial hair so uh am i being unreasonable in this situation was i the a-hole or was my partner you're making me sound like an a-hole so thank you for that was that not an accurate description since we're both here let me give you my post okay so over the years ben has shaved a mustache knowing that i thought it looked funny and he would intentionally give himself a mustache and then shove his head in my face just to get a reaction so he knows that i already have this kind of you know adverse reaction and it's kind of a joke that like i hate it and you look like a like a little creep and i feel like you don't actually like yourself with the mustache you just do it and you wait to see my reaction in the morning not everything i do is just except that well no you actually like yourself i don't believe you i want people down below to comment they're all gonna say ben shave your mustache because you know the comments on the last podcast where you had a mustache they said ben get that thing off your face that's me and then they're being the a-holes i just think you like to poke fun at me and that is one way you can get a rise out of me no i'm doing it for me selfish ben time apologies to eva gutowski we were going to have her on today but we ran out of time what were we going to talk about sorry about that we're going to talk about my mustaches no why are we still here all right everybody thanks for tuning in we'll see you next taco tuesday [Music] you

Channel: SimplyPodLogical

Views: 736,987

Keywords: simplypodlogical, simply nailogical, simplynailogical, simplynailogical podcast, simply podcast, nailogical podcast, cristine and ben, cristine & ben, simplynailogical boyfriend, pod logical, youtuber podcast, gender norms, YouTuber, family vlogger, family vlogging, reddit, reddit advice, r/, unsolicited advice, react, reacting to, reaction, jerk, am I the jerk

Id: DTfJNStQtus

Length: 68min 37sec (4117 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 01 2020