Doctors, Who Were Your Dumbest Patients?

serious doctors of reddit who were your dumbest patients there was the guy whose elderly mother suffered a massive brain hamahige and i had to tell him there was nothing surgically we could do for her he tearfully told me that he would do anything for his mama and she could have his brain to save her life dude wanted us to do a brain transplant i had to tell him that no unfortunately that would not be possible that's terrifyingly stupid but also touching and sweet in a forest gump kind of way i have the grandma the mum and the teen in the room the teen is pregnant but this apparently is a good thing there are no father's grandfather's boyfriend's jobs in the picture but everyone decided it was about time a new generation was added to the family lineage apparently the teen did not appreciate the fatigue full bladder back pain etc that go along with being pregnant and is also experiencing some cramping pains she demands that we do a c-section because she's tired of being pregnant even though she's still not far enough along because then we can just hook up the preemie in an incubator to finish growing and the government can just pay for the incredibly expensive i could stay my jaw just dropped then there was the lady wearing short shorts and no underwear who raised her leg and showed me the puss-filled wound on her labia while in the middle of the waiting room i don't miss rural ob gyn experiences the number of women who think that preemies are just smaller cuter term infants is just depressing lots and lots of women out there wanting to induce labor at 35 or 36 weeks dentist here i had a patient a few years ago who could not understand how she had gum disease on her upper teeth she though gravity would pull all the bacteria down on her lower teeth leaving her top teeth pluck free turns out using cement as a diy cast for your broken did not reset leg is a bad idea turns out the chemicals in the cement irritate and dissolve your skin he became septic and almost died by the time he presented for medical care emergency medicine preventing natural selection one stupid person at a time when i was a teenager i for some reason thought it would be a good idea to mix up a small amount of concrete in a bucket with my hand because you know finding a stick or something is so hard it turns out that gravel is abrasive and cement is very caustic this is not something i did the second time i had a patient who came to the emergency department vomiting so much i had to admit him for intravenous fluids i took the usual history including what he'd eaten recently nothing out of the ordinary a few hours later he calls me over doctor i did eat some chicken and rice earlier my girlfriend made it yesterday and we left it in the pan on top of the stove overnight and i ate it this afternoon this was in a july heat wave do you think that could have been it yes yes i do sighs we had a little talk about food hygiene had to comment here my husband doesn't get why i don't eat food from his grandparents they keep food cold by sticking it in the back room leaves bags open chicken soup and other foods are left out all day night to be eaten by whoever i've seen chicken out for two days in the summer nope nope nope during a fellowship in oncology i had a nurse call me downstairs to discuss a patient he was on a phase one clinical trial and we needed to check trough values to see what his dose limit would be we started out at 10 milligrams in the form of 2.5 milligrams x4 tablets so his dose could be modified without redispensing well he could not comprehend the amount of pills he needed to take just did not understand that he needed to take only four every day and he had a month supply we had to physically withhold his medication and have him come to the infusion center every day to take his medication because he would have otherwise overdosed and died how hard is it to understand you take four tablets a day patient in a delirious state attempted to pull his foley catheter the kinds that swell up at the end to stay inside the body out of his body forcefully needless to say he was pee blood for a while from all the damage to his internals he was in a delirious state from not taking his blood sugar medication that's what makes it dumb i went into a room once just to talk about diet and i had a guy who was losing his crap yanking yelling he is going to pull his fully out i've never booked it to a nurse faster we had a woman that went through three hospitalizations for diabetic ketoacidosis in six weeks her glucose was up to 1100 her explanation is that she didn't like her endocrinologist so she refused to go back optometrist here had a guy coming for a glasses exam for the first time in 10 years and i discovered he had full-blown glaucoma going on and i asked him if i could run a test to help confirm he got super angry with me and demanded his prescription i said i'll give that to you but i need to prescribe you medicine to help save your sight his response was well if the good lord wants me to lose my sights then who am i to stop him i made him sign a waiver and he left i've never been so frustrated at a patient i hope he doesn't kill someone on the road one day i work as a scribe in the air and we had a guy come in asking to be tested because he may have an std so we start asking him if he has had fricked unprotected and multiple partners to which he answers yes next we ask if he has any itching rash discharge etc to which he answers no well this guy thought he caught asthma from freaking some chick who had it asthma he thought it was an std i had a girl come to the author t spotting and abdominal cramping she had just started her first physical relationship and had taken plan b every day for five days because she was worried about getting pregnant they used condoms and she was already on the birth control had a 70 year old female coming with a broken rib and clavicle after falling tells me her only medications are insulin and tums while taking her history she seems off she's acting confused her voice is deep her face is swollen and she's had been having balance problems textbook hypothyroidism turns out she had her thyroid removed a year ago when i asked her if she was taking any medications for that she tells me yes the tums i need the calcium for my thyroid where she came up with the idea that tumps were a great substitute for your thyroid i will never know needless to say she left with a new synthroid rx she probably confused thyroid with parathyroid as a med student myself and another student took a history from a guy who drank several 10 plus cups of tea a day with six sugars in each one for my thirst and had six meals a day of four bacon sandwiches with butter for the energy that's all he had every day that's it he couldn't understand why his heart disease wasn't getting better why he'd put on weight why he was now showing high blood sugar and was borderline diabetic i too cannot understand why he is borderline diabetic our leg necrotic with maggots has been this way for 30 days wrapped t-shirts around the leg and when the outer layer was soaked with pus they threw another one on top he finally called 9-1-1 for shortness of breath he died from septic shock my breath smells like trajones pt gets told she required urgent surgery after a shorty home birth give her instructions including nothing to eat walk in to bring her to the orangey scarfing down burger king tries to hide it after she sees me pt is informed to begin taking eliquis immediately anticoagulant they just got a cardiac stent placed and told the risks of delaying taking that medication the pharmacy was out of it for the weekend she comes in three days later with the same chest pain as before i thought you fix me is my doctor stupid am i had a girl in the ear who got beer poured over her while at a party she went to the bathroom to clean herself but didn't find anything to wash herself with like a sponge or something so she used the next best thing she found and meticulously scrubbed her boobs with steel wool comma steel wool and our skincare addiction gets worried about facial scrubs anesthesia here self-inflicted gun shot to head brain dead organ procurement candidate family insist on giving him a brain transplant they didn't comprehend that they could donate his organ they truly thought that we could give him a new brain with science and crap while in nursing school i had a patient who had wounds on his leg and refused wound care because hospitals are clean and you can't get an infection in a hospital he refused even after having me and then my instructor explained to him about hospital acquired infections and the need for wound care not a doctor but as an army medic i have had some dumb patients one of the first guys i treated got really bad road rash from a motorcycle crash and decided to treat it himself by pouring whiskey on it by the time he came to the medics it was pretty bad and i had to do debritement with a scrub brush basically scrubbing the bad parts off with plastic bristles he was in a lot of pain and i was trying not to laugh at him a lot of people don't respect medics at all even when we are very good at our jobs one guy came in with fluid filled bumps on a red base around his mouth textbook herbs i asked him if it was his first herpes outbreak and he started yelling at me for saying he had herpes he refused to listen to anything else i said and asked for the pa who took one look at him and asked if it was his first herpes outbreak we once had a guy who had the tip of his finger amputated his first question was will this grow back one guy had a sore back and while i was doing the physical exam he said doc my spine is curved it wasn't that's why my nose is crooked medics all have lots of fun stories took care of a patient who we i diagnosed with non-hodgkin's lymphoma this sweet woman was in her late twenties for those that don't know nhl responds pretty well to chemo her father-in-law had a business selling camel's milk she opted for a camel's milk treatment plan over chemotherapy she was convinced that camel's milk can't treat anything she said she came to the hospital just to find out what it was that she was going to treat with the camel's milk smh she had a two and a four year old fortunately i could convince her to only try camel's milk for a finite amount of time and then follow up with our oncologist to see if camel's milk did the trick i'm telling on behalf of a colleague who doesn't read it in the wee hours of the morning he got called to see a trauma consult it was a guy who reportedly wandered into the ear stating he'd just come from a bus stop across the street from the hospital he had just woken up there and realized that he was missing his wallet as well as all of his clothing from the waist down what you ask would prompt an indecently clothed man to march barefoot across a busy downtown road in a big city by the dawn's early light to seek assistance in the air shane be damned his butthole really really hurt my friend didn't appropriate work up and discovered a large chunk of broken off concrete lodge in this gentleman's rectum it required an operation to retrieve it however before they whisked him off to the oar the patient confessed the rest of the story he'd hooked up with two strange men off of craigslist and they'd gone out in one guy's awesome sports car used copious amounts of illicits and ito and done well at that point he wasn't too sure just what they'd done all he remembered was waking up at the bus station with no pants and a rock up his butt and then while my friend was still in the air with the guy getting consent for the operation the patient's very worried wife walked in for anyone else who wasn't familiar ito equals the medical term for ethyl alcohol drinking alcohol maybe not the dumbest patient i've ever treated but certainly a memorable one while working a night shift in the ed i grabbed a chart for a pnb our shorthand for pregnant and bleeding i walked into the room and came across a young woman who was laying on the stretcher with her legs open in a pool of blood and tissue she was about 20 weeks pregnant and had been bleeding for almost three days before she decided that it was time to go to the hospital when i asked why she didn't come in sooner she replied that she thought it was just her period since she had heard that you can still be pregnant even if you get your period for medical clarity yes having a menstrual cycle shortly after freaking unprotected does not mean you are in the clear and definitely not pregnant horizontal ellipsis once you have a confirmed bun in the oven it don't work that way after having to explain to the poor darf girl that she was indeed pregnant i then had to spend the next 10 minutes pulling from her glory whole canal the remaining products of conception from her miscarriage common situation do you take any medications just aspirin k great later on do you have any numbness or tingling in your legs yes from the diabetes oh you're diabetic yeah but i'm taking meds for that okay sounds good any other medications number okay later on how much are you exercising well i try to walk a couple times per week because of my blood pressure oh you have high blood pressure too yes are you medicated yes subconsciously thinking goddammit i remember once on rounds with the team we walked in on a cardiac patient doing a line of coke in the hospital bathroom with his girlfriend on the bright side you were able to find the source of his heart problems a doc here i once had 40 something year old patient who came in with chest pain after taking a thorough history it turns out that it was actually bilateral nipple pain she was breastfeeding but wait it gets better turns out she was breastfeeding her two kids who are aged 12 and 5. i am a veterinarian this sounds like bulls but it is true a woman wouldn't vaccinate her dog because she had a lot of autism in her family not a doctor i was getting prepped for a hernia surgery and was sharing a room with a young lady and four i assume a dnc there was a curtain separating us never saw her but heard everything nurse how old are you girl 13 nurse how old is your boyfriend girl 19 nurse have you had a miscarriage before girl yes nurse after the procedure you will have to abstain for freaking for x number of weeks girl oh my boyfriend is not going to like that can i frick him up here to tide him over for a little while nurse um i got wheeled away before i got to hear the rest when healthcare providers are confronted with an obvious case of statutory violation are they required to report it or does the privacy hip of the patient outweigh the duty to report they are definitely required to report potential child shaming at least where i am anyway i had a patient an urban outdoorsman type guy come into the hospital while i was on practicum the doc says to give him an iv so i prep the stuff and start using alcohol swabs to clean his skin where i'm looking for a vein oh man this guy is dirty i keep having to get more and more clean swabs because they keep coming off his skin just nasty looking with dirt i have a rather large pile going i finally get his skin clean turn to grab the iv catheter notice that the used swabs are all gone i look around confusedly he has them in his freaking mouth sucking all of that sweet sweet alcohol out of them and yes we later found him trying to steal the wall-mounted hand sanitizers from the air i still remember a guy coming to the hospital with his girlfriend and axing for the morning after pill i asked them when did the intercouse happen and he says well i won't call it exactly intercourse but my girlfriend would feel much more relaxed if she took the pill could you define the nature of your physical contact well you uuh my girlfriend is virgin so we don't freak but last night we were in our underwear and we were cuddling and i kinda came a bit in my underwear and then we kept cuddling and my wet underwear was touching with her thigh so maybe some sperm found its way to the t that's not so much dumb as just uneducated there were plenty of horror stories like that when i was a teenager like the one about the girl who got pregnant from sitting on a toilet seat in the guy's locker room or the girl who got pregnant with her brother's baby because their mother washed their underwear together teens don't get the straight dope in a lot of places and it's sad we respond in the ambulance to a place that says well it's different we go hot for a 13 year old girl with abdo pain we get there and she's lying on the couch surrounded by family sewer many siblings and cousins you wouldn't believe me it was a freaking school trip but all related she's uncomfortable but able to laugh and joke her stomach hurts it feels crampy for the last two days she has had blood trickling out from her tea this happened last month too and about a month before that she has had to go home from school each time she is surrounded on all sides by women her mother late twenties her grandmother forties great-grandmother early sixties and great-great-grandmother mid-seventies every one of them is flabbergasted as to what this could be so here i am a 30-something year-old dude of a very clearly different ethnic and cultural background asking all sorts of uncomfortable questions have any of you explained to her about periods number clearly not no one here has been not pregnant for a long enough time to understand that they come more or less regularly roughly 13 times in a year we took her in anyway better safe than sorry and at least this and the nurses could explain some things to her clearly no one else could not a doctor but work at a pharmacy once heard the story of a woman who came in ask the pharmacist what she should ask the doctor to prescribe for a different kind of birth control as she was having a hard time swallowing the one that she was on so the pharmacist looks up what she was taking only to find out that this woman had been swallowing her maneuvering while reviewing a new patient's medical history this 30 some year old lady tells me that she has the worst pseudo seizures her neurologist has ever seen for the medical professionals that sentence says so much for us regular people it says so little also what about hypochondriacs have you seen patients who get all pee off because you did not tell them what they wanted to hear i am just reminded of a friend's wife i would hate to have her as a patient i work as a medical assistant in a dermatology clinic and we had a middle-aged woman come in complaining of tea and rectal itchiness she said she had a boyfriend with whom she regularly had freaked and attributed that to the itching so i had her disrobe from the waist down and sit on the exam table for the provider to check it was obvious that she didn't wash or wipe herself down there like ever the doctor told her that she only had mild irritation to speak of and that she needed to regularly wash her privates with mild soap and warm water to which the patient surprisingly asked it's safe to do that a scribe one time this guy came in with a radish and a mouse shoved up his butt he was summarily taken into surgery after everybody had a good laugh at him paramedic hauled in various people over the years for bloody stools after eating barber's pickled beets seriously people this is the middle of a very ukrainian community pickled beets aren't exactly uncommon this happened in a rural area and this was at the indigent hospital a man came in who had been chopping wood the axe slipped hitting his leg he poured gasoline over it to try to disinfect it and stop the bleeding then he lit a cigarette we were treating him for a very badly infected leg which was also severely burned also there is a saying in rural areas that did hurt so bad i could have shut it off a woman came in who had sprained her ankle she couldn't take the pain so we ended up treating her for a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the foot i am a nurse practitioner i did a pelvic exam on a young woman and removed a homemade ceramic satanic doll she kept it in her tee you see it had the head horns and hooves of a goat the body of what seemed to be the cookie monster and she had tied a felt cloak around its neck i used forceps to extract this amazing art project and asked her do you want to keep this ped's patience parents were given the usual pre-op instructions blah blah blah patient needs to be npo the usual eight hours prior to surgery clear liquids only you can see through it parents the next morning during admission said they followed the instructions to the letter they only gave the patient donuts because they could see through it patient presented with carpet layers knee or pre patellar bursitis basically the little bursa just between the kneecap and the skin it can get huge in people well this guy had a huge swelling the size of a baseball i explained the condition to him talk to him about options and the initial treatment etc etc anyway he calls me a week later and says his knee is worse and he needs to see me on examination instead of the big round burst of swelling the whole knee is red puffy and has a small cut that is oozing puss this knee is now infected and concerning turns out he had the bright idea of draining this swelling so he dug into it using a toe clipper and a sewing pin to drain it and went back to work he could have lost the leg tl dr patient with bursitis no big deal ends up with bad joint infection after using a toe clipper to drain it stupid patient here absolutely terrified of hospitals and doctors had soul-crushing pain in my abdomen for two weeks that i self-medicated with copious amounts of tylenol and ibuprofen somewhere in the neighborhood of 2000 mg 1000 mg per day and just did my best to ignore the pain thinking it was nothing but a torn muscle my girlfriend got tired of my crap and literally threw my butt in her car and drove me to the air who turns out i had appendicitis and my appendix was moments away from rupturing she stayed with me the entire time i was in the hospital married her a few months later that was 20 years ago thanks babe not a doctor but emt i was working in the year and a homeless guy comes in not unusual he looked completely fine but he's was complaining of unbearable leg pain my job in there basically is to do initial assessment vitals and to get patients settled in so i go to check out his legs i cut through his pants and he's wearing knee-high socks as soon as i cut through the elastic on the socks maggots like a waterfall of them turns out he was wearing the same socks for six months and they cut into his skin good knees north surgeon said he could save his legs thanks to the maggots lesson is change your socks regularly the real lesson is to cover your body with maggots if you get cut my favorite is the parents who are like i gave my kid tylenol and the fever went away but it came back when did they give the tylenol at 9am it is now 10 p.m at night my grandma was in hospital waiting for heart surgery there was another guy in the same room waiting for a lung transplant this guy was out on the balcony having a quick smoke lung transplant remember when his surgeon walked in saw him smoking turned around and left apparently dropped him off the transplant list and discharged him without actually coming back to see him because frick that guy what part of stop smoking is that hard to get if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

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Keywords: doctors, medical, doctor, dumbest patients, dumbest patient stories, doctor dumbest patients, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2020, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: LbL5Ri4mPFs

Length: 25min 37sec (1537 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 05 2020