Ninja's new book is worse than you can imagine

quick announcement I have new merch it's really epic and cool slave labor a hundred percent Wow very nice please buy some I need the money I bought Air Force Ones for seventy-five million and now my wife won't even talk to me link down in description so you're already missing it to me everyone is i hate's me on youtube and it's besides besides like it's so weird man I've seen the Tuck videos on you I did watch a few I'm not gonna say who did them because that's what they're hoping they're also good friends I am so proud a few months ago I did a video reviewing ninja's book his get good my ultimate guide to gaming now being serious it had a lot of useful tips for example vital stretches that you can do before the gaming but now friends I have amazing news ninja has released another book definitely not for money and this one isn't a gamer guide but a children's novel where he is the main character it's kind of like what ali-a did a couple years ago when he got his own children's book as well welcome everyone my name is alia today I have something very very text-to-speech over everything now cuz I think that musics copyrighted video uploaded and owned by Ellie a PG family-friendly no swearing dude that's only cool to talk to you guys about hold on I swear the doorbell always goes at the worst time give me a second guys poor interacting there it is his transformation gives him a snapback but anyway I do want to give an interest and attention you know he's an up-and-coming YouTube channel and recently his views haven't been doing so great you know he's really trying man he did a presentation at the game rewards that was really cool now as soon as I heard he had another book I rushed straight onto Amazon bought it pretty much instantly I was so excited guys the book is titled ninja the most dangerous game so much now I do want to say the art for this book is actually pretty decent and the only redeeming thing from it it's number this guy called Felipe Magana sorry if I'm mispronouncing it and his art is really good it's definitely more phoned in in the book compared to his actual work but to be fair if anyone got commissioned to draw a hundred and fifty pages but to be fair if you were commissioned to draw 150 pages of ninja I don't know if anyone could do that also the book worryingly enough is captioned vol 1 as this will be an ongoing series now the book begins with our hero ninja tyler fortnight cliff fighting a bunch of bad guys and then calls them noob I did not even make that up with an introduced of this character called Zephyr but ninjas apparently known before and then when ninja turns around apparently she's talking to himself and Zephyr wasn't even there we're then introduced to ninjas friends and they have possibly the most gamer names imaginable I play every game as Dark Master you know with names like this I'm sure they're all friends with Aiden Pearce and Marcus Fenix when he gets caught out for it he ironically replies with I could be talking to my fans you don't know I read that in his voice so what if I got voices in my head bro I found you also begins to chastise the others for being late to the fight chef it was here bro she's always here I've never logged on when she isn't didn't serve enough intros ninja it's not my fault you're late you want to get ahead of me you're gonna need to work harder besides there's always more where that came from well are you coming or what label protagonist everyone like four pages in the guy is just a complete douchebag that's a record man it continues to Braga's ninja normally does until someone actually gets a sneaky kill on him saying I'm assuming as soon as you got ninja he took the clip and uploaded it straight to YouTube in the real world not not the gaming world kids are in the real world now ninja gets a package outside of his house he's not really sure what it is and apparently all of his gamer friends named her friends sitting indoors all day means you have no friends the rest of his gamer friends also got a package and they all start talking about it so anyway my stream got interrupted by some weird pack just a weird symbol thingy okay first of all that's a lie you literally got killed in the game and now you're trying to my god it's so accurate it's like a meta commentary but anyway ninja and all of his friends are too scared to open the package and I don't blame them I've watched a lot of bad unboxing I understand why that could be a problem like it would have been nice to not spend all that time trying to open this box with one hand especially when there's just a box with a picture of Ronald Weasley eating a chicken wing anyway he opens the package because if he didn't the book would be about nine pages long and it looks to be some kind of weird third party Xbox controller it turns into a spider for some reason latches on to his arm which turns his hair blue I really got to read this whole book man couldn't I couldn't I just made another video like a nice something that would have been so much easier anyways hair turns blue and these transported into the game alone anyway Ninja meets the rest of his friends who all got teleported into the game world as well and conveniently they're all as conventionally attractive as they appeared in the game world as in the real world yeah not the only one so it's I can't I can't do woman voice I don't know what to do for the woman lizard basically they're in a battle royale style game last person alive wins I do wonder where they got that idea from also the bans on their arm is their life gauge they can turn it into a sword to defend themself but if the life gauge gets depleted they they don't die because that's not family-friendly that's not pg-13 clean welcome to the kitchen I am and it's Epsilon by virtue of your talent and determination 100 of the best players of the game have been selected to compete for the most glorious of honors one thing I found really genius about this book as soon as the safe zone gets deactivated people just start trying to kill ninja I don't blame it man the YouTube views that would bring it would be phenomenal wait already there aren't a hundred people here yet holy crap oh my god I can't read anymore of this book we disclaimer on the screen the c-word has been said my revenue is gonna plummet how dare he swear in a children's book knowing that I'd read it to sabotage my ad revenue anyway Keller one of ninja's friends goes on like a killing rampage I mean get it he has killer in the name anyway ninja manages to calm him down and keep him on side for the time being Keller no this ghosting we can't do that to people this isn't a game we don't know what it is I know they're know we have to strike first I'm not giving her a voice I refuse I'm not giving her a voice ghost did him oh my god woman kills man yeah they refer to like game ending someone in this as ghosting them because they're like a like a ghost you know and you you leave someone I'm reads Hippocrates wrote this book a bit later apparently epic weapons are unlocked which are basically the swords that they already have but slightly different I thought it'd be like firearms but you know I've gone through the entire book and there's no reference of guns whatsoever I think if they had guns it would have had to go from a children's book to teen whatever when they reach the epic weapon room apparently the weapons have some sort of sentience like they can communicate with whoever uses them this could be an advantage that's the point Freud so these things are alive or at least smart are we supposed to choose them or do they choose us by the way I want you to have a guess what is ninjas weapon of choice a an actually useful offensive weapon be a support weapon there are furs you know a bit of tactical advantage for so many support buffs or see the headband if you yeah see Chia probably skim through the video he has a magical headband to protect him apparently nicknamed HB you could buy your own HB for $9 81 cents Keller the green guy betrays ninja again and kicks him off the lake tacular my sword speaks to me it says curse them all this is the second time in about 20 pages that this guy's betrayed a ninja I have no idea why he's friends with him or even keeps him on the team he he has the word killer in his name we're also introduced to this guy called masks who apparently hates ninja they fight and they act like they have a ton of backstory but this character has never been introduced or reference before ninja thought you ghosted us gets overwhelmed in this bit and he was actually gonna die but he he's saved by his friend dozer you guys remember dozer right he had like one panel in the first three pages of the book and he was never mentioned again anyway dozer explains that the reason why he got put in the game later is instead of opening the package like everyone else did he just fell asleep which technically makes him the most Chad character in the entire book because he genuinely doesn't care also masked the both jared leto joker looking ass apparently he's game ended 15 people and the rules in this game the more people you ghost the stronger you become so technically these people thrive on the souls of children anyway ninja can't outright beat mus so he tricks him into chopping down a tree that you know kills him rest in peace mus character that no one cared about you'll be remembered fondly we cut back to Holland and Liza just as Holland executes the defenseless player odd boy I still don't understand why people trusted him he has killer in the name he however problem with this Reeves of me we found mass someone ghosted him took the hammer to there's lots of players who weren't here for the fight and Blevins you get it guys it's personal because he said his last name also one thing I don't get instead of Keller like hunting weaker players to grow in strength because he knows that as a concept his ego is so fragile he goes straight for ninja true Keller is the embodiment of every fortnight player ever anyway dozer takes ninja to his Batcave where he's confronted by Zephyr but to be fair in a pretty self-aware moment Zephyr calls out ninja for being arrogant oh you are bra here and just want to win like Keller no I'm not like him I don't want to win Binger has clearly seen the error of his real-life ways by writing himself as a fictional flawed character find you your child go to sleep if you're a parent earn this job what is going on Zephyr explains that the game they're playing has been spread across dimensions by a guy called Striga steel and the champions of the previous games instead of actually winning there turned into weapons that future players use so if you lose you die but if you win you've turned into an axe there's no good conclusion also one thing I've just remembered Fuels entire way to like completely dominate the human race is to send Amazon cardboard boxes to everyone's house hoping they all open them at the exact same time so the entire human race will be put into this game it's ninja secretly trying to warn us the Amazon monopoly running hiding sneaking back into worlds dominions he is already conquered know we can do better we will stops trigger steal oh my god guys I'm really sorry it's all my 8 year old fans that are watching this I will send a cease and desist letter to ninja as soon as this video is over later on these people are fighting over each other's energy ninja breaks up the fight and tells them they'll be stronger together the obvious response is to try Nene em but they eventually give up after realizing his plot armor we're then shown the homeworld of the organizers of the game worrying that ninja is getting too much of an audience this whole book is literally just a subtle jerk off to his success we're also introduced to stringers who apparently likes to copy Star Wars Force choking from the Dominion of natives called earth he's not playing the game and the Dominions they are reacting unrest the seeds of chaos I suggest that you suggest if they see the game can be beaten if they realize that together they are stronger than they are apart they could tear down what you've built it's triggers to you're secretly a twitch admin we cut back to Keller who now seems to be creating his own superior race collecting fighters with promises of teamwork only to get them to fight against each other to see who comes out on top is that what you wanted our mast this is what's coming for all of us unless we get them first also ninja meets with Zephyr the pink haired girl with the glasses again and she explains a bit of her backstory my name is Killian we were partners we were gave us Oh God we were bored to the kettering the same as you years ago we were betrayed Kellyanne Falwell kellian defended me Kallen hoped but Kelly and lost ghost so basically Zef and her partner kalium got put into the game Callie and died and he's now just been stuck as a ghost and Seth has been hiding in the game ever since trying to get him out it's like a hotel Mickey plotline well now what was it called Brown Hotel Mickey what's that aids house of mouse or something dude house of mouse was lit dog walker the thing is with Zephyrs relationship and you know like boyfriend being lost in the game kind of does enter devianart fan fiction levels like you could replace Zephyr and a partner with red and green PewDiePie and you wouldn't enjoy gets a 300 IQ idea to hack into the game's broadcast so everyone has to watch him there's no such thing as freebie bucks again a very subtle nod that he is a small-time humble streamer my name is ninja string of Steel took me and my friends to my world he wants us to play his game he wants us to fight each other for entertainment you don't have to play his game he could be anywhere but he can't be everywhere and if he wants to stop us here we are after a speech apparently every living organism across the known galaxy stood up at the same time and began to rebel against Europe despite there being probable hundreds of language barriers of human only two legs now I won't listen to him wait blue hair bagdana - effing me listen now oh yeah we could back to Keller I'm not sure what he's even doing in the book anymore I think he's some kind of like Rick and Morty B plot and pickle they obviously didn't know what to do with him now the writers couldn't bring fuel lots of fight ninja because this is only Volume one we got to milk the series so instead they have Keller as the main bad guy of this book thing is I don't even know why ninja and clarifying ninja could easily say to him Keller if you kill me and you win and you be everyone you're gonna be turned into a machete that's not a good look bro [Music] this isn't about us if we don't stop this here he'll come to earth we need to show Striga steel that we can't be conquered the world deserves to be conquered I tried being reasonable we also get a cutaway of other planets that are rebelling against fuel I mean I honestly I've looked at this panel for about five minutes and I cannot tell what's going on here I assume the guys in suits with red eyes the evil ones you know that that's about as predictable as a JJ Abrams lens flare I think some of them have been disarmed and some civilians are just about to get Nene to see I think he's evil because his entire head is made of fire that's all have to go off back to ninja and Keller ninja tells him he's lost even though they haven't really fought yet one guy actually questions it but then Keller kills in pure encourage even more pork also the girl with the purple hair the type like four lines in the entire book what's her name again Liza Liza Isaac Hoshi yeah Liza was with Keller the whole time more like kind of a passive observer I guess but now she's defected back to ninja side despite not helping him fight Keller nice fence sitting bro you could have been awesome but you were always looking for a shortcut always looking for an edge regardless of who it hurt but in the end it only hurts you I get it why you want this especially you Keller I know I should go stupid so yeah ninja beats Keller and detains him but with Keller defeated we still have about 30 pages left and content how else could they milk this I know what we'll do let's not bring out fuel but let's say fuel has seven underlings and now ninja has to fight one Thaddeus apparently has like a bunch of interdimensional warriors have someone to kill ninja and he just looks like Toby on that is just a Swedish man he attacks the group and oh my god he killed ninja fortnight ninja has been killed the books over we can all go we did it guys I'm only joking ninja can't die he has plot armor so yes fo Hux ninjas ghost up to this device that she's modified and on ironically the headband needs to come in to be a conduit because ninjas energy is too epic that is not even hyperbole she says in this book no the cable it cannot take the energy you want basically say he's too epic to be contained oh man but anyway the device works and ninjas back in a weird turn of events Keller throws ninja is sword ninja uses it to game mentor Beyond and then afterwards Keller tries to kill ninja anyways it just gets curb-stomped and dies a good deer for the impossible not for you he will not ghost you I have no such reservations oh don't worry guys don't hey guys no don't worry she can undo stim whenever she wants she's just gonna keep his soul trapped in eternal hell for the time being that's that's a good fate but someone that's just got a bit of an ego so yeah we find out that ninja can bring back the dead which kind of ruins the whole concept of battle royale you know if there's no permadeath and literally in the last two pages of the entire book well I'm not joking there's nothing after this Keller gets turned into a weapon for one of fuels underlings to use against ninja that is the end of the book that is it there is there is nothing else so the bad guy of that was the white gamer so yeah in conclusion book like they you know how many trees died for the four ninja yeah all in all the book isn't too bad I mean it's readable they do say the C word a couple times I can't allow that this does get it but if there weren't any Seward's maybe a four or five out of ten I don't know I kind of enjoyed this reading experience so yeah if you guys enjoyed subscribe give me a social security number if he makes a volume two I might do a video on it depends on well this one does just [Music] [Applause] [Music] tonight

Channel: Pyrocynical

Views: 6,759,055

Keywords: fortnite ninja, ninja, fortnite, tyler blevins, fortnite book, ninja book, fortnite ninja book, fortnite funny, fortnite comic, ninja comic, fortnite memes, ninja memes, parody, memed, satire, pyrocyn

Id: Dm4Hw5JoaAU

Length: 19min 25sec (1165 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 02 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/SmuglyMcWeed]

What's the song used at 9:30?