- Slap that ass! Nooice!
- Nooice! A-A-ron. - I said, "Biiitch." - Draxx them sklounst. The pussy on the chain wax. - These nuts were low against your chin. Sexually, of course. (upbeat quirky music) ♪ All I want, yeah ♪ ♪ But, I don't need you ♪ (upbeat dance music) - Nooice! (audience cheering) Nooice! (audience cheering) (upbeat dance music continues) Nooice! (audience cheering) - [Man In Crowd] Nooice! (audience cheering) (upbeat dance music continues) - Nooice!
- Nooice! (dramatic sound) - Excuse me, excuse me. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me... - What's up? - What you doin'? - I'm just nooicin' your nooice! - Don't! It's mostly about the dancers. - Oh, yeah. - Besides, I'm kinda the
guy that says, "Nooice!" - Nooice! - What happened? - Nothing happened, I just nooiced you because you stand up for yourself and your place in this dance circle! - No, no! No nooice! Okay? Nooice is my thing! No more, "Nooice," from you. (tense music) Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. (upbeat dance music fades in) Aw, nooice! (audience cheering) Nooice? Nooice? (upbeat dance music slows) (dramatic symphony music) (determined music) Nooice. Nooice. Nooice. Nooice! Nooice! Nooice. (determined music fades) (bus breaking) Nooice! (thunder crashes) (dramatic symphony music) Nooice. (rain pouring) - Nooice. - Nooice. - Nooice? - Nooice. - Nooice. - Nooice. - Nooice! (crying loudly) (dramatic symphony music swells) - (crying loudly) Nooice. - Nooice. (bus door closes) - [Both] Nooice! - Nooice. - Nooice! (dramatic symphony music fades) (tense music) (door opens) Vince, I have that quarterly
analysis that you asked for. (door closes) - I had a quarter of
these nuts on your chin. - (clears throat) Right. It's just that I wanted to review some of these numbers with you. It seems like our earnings are low against our original projections. - These nuts were low against your chin. (tense music continues) (door closes) - You know, Vince, if you ever need to talk
to me about something, I'm more than happy to listen. - These nuts would be more than happy to rest against your chin. (tense music continues) - (sighs) (drops papers) Hey, look, you've been doing this
for about a week now, and it was kinda funny at first... - These nuts were kinda
funny against your chin. - Vince, I'm worried about you. (heart beat pounding) - I was worried about
these nuts on your chin. - Vince, seriously. - (sighs) These nuts were
seriously on your chin. (door opens) - Mr. Graham, I just got a
call from St. Mary's Hospital, and your parents were in
a serious car accident. I'm so sorry, but your Mother is dead and
your Father is on life support. (somber music) - These nuts were supporting
life on your chin. - Oh my God. - Sorry, Amber. (door closes) Vince, you gotta stop it. Your Mother just passed away. - These nuts passed away on
your chin. (crying sadly) - No, they didn't. They didn't, Vince. Listen, you gotta leave here right now and go be with your Dad. This could be the last time
that you get to see him. - This could be the last time I get to see my nuts on your chin. - God dammit, Vincent, your Father might be dying! - Theses nuts might be dying on your chin. (impact sound effect) - God dammit, Vince, snap
the (beep) out of it! Your Mother is dead! (Vince breathing heavily) - Right. You're right. - You're okay? - I'm okay, I'm all right. - You're back. - I don't know what came over me. - It's all right. - It was so good. It just it worked in every situation. - I know, I know. - And it was always just so funny. - Well, it wasn't that funny. - It was funny. - It really wasn't that funny, Vince. - It was really funny. - I would not go so far as to say it was really funny, Vince. - It was funny. - But, it wasn't though. - It was. (somber music continues) - It wasn't. - Agree to disagree it's funny. - Okay.
- It's funny. - One more time, just gonna
go on record as saying it wasn't really that funny. (patting back) - I'm gonna go see my Dad. - Okay. - It was funny. (patting back) - It wasn't that funny. (somber music swells) (plane screeching) (heavy footsteps) - Dad. (breathing heavily) Stay with me. (machine beeping) Dad, I love you. - And I love (long pause) these nuts on your chin. (hand drops) (long beeping sound) (somber music swells) - [Father's Disembodied Voice]
These nuts on your chin. (crying but laughing) (yelling painfully) (door bell ringing) (brisk footsteps) (door opens) - Hey, hey, hey!
- Hey! - Hi, sweetie, that's for you. Hi. (happy chatter) - Oh, I got to see this... - You two have a good time now. - Have fun, have fun! (door closes) Dude, I am sorry we're late, man. - It happens, man. - And she talk about how we're supposed to
be in the car at 6:45, I'm like, "All right!" - Uh oh. (laughs) - Tell me my dumb ass
ain't sitting in the car, waiting until 7:15. - Nuh-uh. - Okay, when I track my
wife down 20 minutes later, she's steppin' out the damn shower, talkin' 'bout, "Can I help you?" - See, that's crazy right there. - Craig, I looked this woman in the eye, I said, (long pause) "Biiitch, you told me 6:45." - You said that? - (puffing loudly) Yeah,
I said, (long pause) "Biiitch." Then, I laid it out. - Yeah, but you said "bitch" though? - Hmm? - You said "bitch." - Yeah. - [Hostess Wife] You
gotta see the fireplace downstairs in the living room. - [Guest Wife] Okay. (men whispering) - Don't play games, man, just tell me what you're gonna tell me. - Exactly, it's like, say what
you mean, mean what you say. - Is that so hard? - It's like last week, man, we goin' out to dinner, right? I'm like, "Where do you wanna go?" She's like, "You decide." - Uh oh. - I'm like, "All right,
Outback Steakhouse." She like, "Nah." - Mm-hmm. - I'm like, "Straight up, Chili's." She's like (imitating incorrect buzzer). - No, no. - Darryl, I named seven more restaurants. - No, Craig, no! - I finally said, "Taylor's," the place I know she wants
to go to in the first place. - Right, right! - She look at me and she said, "If that's where you wanna go." - No, she didn't! - "If that's where I wanna go." Darryl, I looked my
woman in the eye sockets. and I told her straight out, I just said it, man, I said it, I said, I said, I said... (long pause) I said, "Biii- - [Both Wives] Hey, guys. - Oh, hey, how's it goin'?
- Hey, girl, how you doin'? Man, you havin' a good time? You seen the bedroom? Did you see that washing machine? That washing machine is huge. You get a whole bunch of
clothes in that washing machine. - Baby, I'm gonna take
her back up to the kitchen and show her the dishwasher. - Darryl? - Yeah, baby? - I want a kitchen island
just like the one upstairs. - You gon' get it too. - I love you. - I love you. - I said, "Biiitch, if you wanted to go to Taylor's, just tell a brother you
wanna go to Taylor's!" - You said that? - Oh, hell yeah, man. I laid it out, right? I says, I says, I says... (long pause) (birds chirping) I said, "Biiitch, I'm
the man of the house." - Yeah, you said "bitch" though? - Hmm? - You called your wife a bitch? - Uh, yeah. - [Hostess Wife] Craig? Darryl? Where are those guys? - [Guest Wife] I don't know. - [Hostess Wife] Girl,
let me show you this. - [Darryl] So she's like, "Why aren't you in a movie we both like?" - [Craig] No, she didn't. - After I spent 25 minutes in
the goddam Blockbuster, Craig! I looked this woman in her optic stems and I says, I said... (long pause) (bird cawing) I says, "Biitch!" - You said that? - Ain't nothin' but a thang! - But, you said "bitch" though? (insects chirping) - Yup. (Craig mumbling) (phone ringing)
(Darryl gasps) (phone ringing) Oh... Hey, honey, Craig just gave
me the neighborhood tour. - So, then, she's like, "I didn't know we'd be
doing so much walking." - Nuh-uh! - I'm like, "I didn't tell
you to wear those shoes." She said, "Don't raise your voice at me." - What? - Dar-ryl, I looked this woman dead
in the windows of her soul. - Mm-hmm. - I said... (long pause) (tense music) (aircraft beeping) I said... (long pause) (hatch opening) (knocking on window) I said, "Biiitch." (player cheering loudly) - Oh, yeah, good victory,
guys, good victory! Ay, ay, come on, good game. Slap that ass, man. Ay, good game. Slap that ass. (laughing loudly) Yeah! Man, good game! Slap that ass! (laughing) Hey, who's next? Who? Ay! Garcia! Come on, man, get you some. Come on, let's get some
slap ass over here. - No! - What, why not? - I said no, Raffi. - He's had enough, Raffi! We've all had enough. - Enough of what? - Enough of the damn ass slapping, Raffi. - Gracias. - No (beep) slap ass? - Ci, yes. - Mm-hmm. - (laughs) Guys, who (beep)
cares how much I slap ass? So what, I slap ass. What's the deal, man? I'm a (beep) baseball player. That's what we do, we (beep) hit home runs and (beep) slap ass. Come on, huh? - Raffi, that's not how
we all see baseball. - Everybody does it. All the teams slap ass, man. You slap ass, Garcia! - Like, a couple of times a game. - (laughing awkwardly) What, so what, man? Why the (beep) you counting, man? Who knows how many times I slap ass or how many- - 427 times. - Okay, time flies when
you're having fun, man. What? - Our families come to these games, Raffi. My son is always askin' me why I letting this man
touch my butt so many times. - And you say, "Slap ass," every time. - Every time. - Okay, hold on one second,
let's go to the timeout. I'm from the Dominican Republic, okay? All I know, since I was a little kid, is to catch fly balls and to say, "Slap ass" every
single time I (beep) slap ass! - This is the Major Leagues, Raffi. We're all from the Dominican Republic. Nobody here has ever heard
anyone say "slap ass" before you. - Good playing, man. Come on, get your slap-ass. (everyone interjecting) - Enough, okay? (joyless music) - Okay, you're right. I know you're right
about it. (crying gently) I have a problem, okay? I know that. And I decide to stop right now. - Bueno. Gracias. - Right after I get that Garcia slap-ass. Come on, Garcia. (everyone interjecting) - No, Raffi! - Ay, ay, come on, huh? I'm fine, all right? Fine, I get it. (feet shuffling) - Get him up out of here! Get out of this locker room! You get out of the locker room! - You're the only slap-ass
that matters, Garcia! - You are not getting a slap-ass! (joyless music) - Hey, Garcia, man, can I
talk to you for a second? - Oh.
- Hold up. - Hey, Raffi, what's up? - Aw, man, I just talked
to the manager, man. He says he's gonna trade me, man. I mean, what the hell, you know? I got kids too, right? - Yeah, but we all told you what was going to happen if you- - Hey. (breathing heavily) I really could use that one slap-ass, man. - Raffi. - Come on, man, just
one slap-ass, you know? Just for old time's sake, you know? It'd get me back on my feet. Just one for the road, man. I could really use it. (breathing heavily) Okay, okay. Good game, slap ass. (joyless music swells) - I gotta get home to my kids. - Okay. Ah! Garcia, man! I'll suck your (beep) if you
let me slap your ass again! - No! - Aw! Garcia! Suck your (beep), ah! Ah, ah, slap ass, slap ass,
slap ass, slap ass, slap ah... (balls clicking) - Man, I felt sorry for that dude, but you know what are you gonna do? I had to lay that (beep) down. (everyone laughing) (hands clapping) - What? That (beep) laid you down. - Hey, brother, I don't
know what fight you was at. This (beep) got a couple licks in, sure, but (puffing loudly) I was
like (imitating impact sound)! Man, I put the pussy on the chain wax. (everyone laughing) ♪ I put the pussy on the chain wax ♪ ♪ I put the pussy on the chain wax ♪ ♪ I put the pussy on the chain wax ♪ - Pussy on the chain wax? - Hmm? - Is that a thing? - Well, yeah, that's a,
that's a, that's a thing. Yeah, that's something. - Okay. - Yeah, I put the pussy on the chain wax. - Pussy on the chain wax! (men singing together) - Pussy, come again,
this is the chain wax, I'm putting you on me. (laughing) - Hold up. I just Googled, "Pussy on the chain wax." There's no results. - Man, um, why are you Googling? - No, I'm just saying,
"Pussy on the chain wax," it's not an expression. - Yeah, it is. - Yes, thank you, Leo.
- It's somethin', yeah. - What, what, what does it mean then? - "What does it mean"? I'll tell you what it means. It means that... Is that you put the
pussy on the chain wax! (men yelling excitedly) - No, no. - Pussy on the chain wax! - It's not, don't- - Pussy on the chain wax! - Pussy on the chain wax. - Act like y'all know what it is, okay? Have either of the two of you, have you ever said the words
"Pussy on the chain wax," in any context? (Thing One scoffing loudly) - Us? - He's talkin' to you. He ain't talkin' to me. - Hey, man, it's not our fault that you ain't never put
the pussy on the chain wax! (men yelling excitedly) - No one can put the
pussy on the chain wax 'cause pussy on the
chain wax ain't a thing! You trying to start a thing, aren't you? - What? Me? (puffing loudly) I mean, (puffing loudly)
what are you talking about, "Trying to start a thing"? - A thing. Like, "Off the hook," or,
"I'ma put you on blast." You're trying to get it in the ether so everybody out there saying,
"Pussy on the chain wax"? - Man, why are you doin' this? Why looking up (beep) I'm sayin' and fact-checking my ass and (beep)? - You keep saying some
(beep) that doesn't exist, and you got Thing One and Thing Two corroborating your story like it does! And why you lyin' then? It's bull(beep)! - Bodie... (gentle string music) Why do you care so much whether I made up "pussy
on the chain wax" or not? I lost my job, my girl left me, and all I wanted to do was have a little bit of
fun with my friends today. So, why, why do you, why do you have to belittle me like that? (gentle string music continues) - It's just that I- - Yeah? - I'm just trying to say- - What you tryin' to say, (beep)? - I'm trying to say that I want to put the
pussy on the chain wax! (men yelling excitedly) - Oh, man, he did, y'all! - [All Together] He put
the pussy on the chain wax! Yay!
(electronic music) (men laughing) - Hey, have you ever found yourself in High Point, North Carolina, and not feelin' safe? Come on down to Doug
Duggart's Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. (gentle electronic music) You will learn to tackle and grapple- (gong chimes) Like an ultimate fighting pro. (electronic music picks up) In my studio, you get hands on training (grunting loudly) and individual attention. (grunting loudly) Ah! Tackle and grapple. Take on multiple enemies. This is tackle. That's a grapple right there. This is a tackle. That's a grapple. Get, there we go. Tackle and grapple! All ages, learn to protect
yourself and your loved ones. (electronic music continues) (man falling) Tackle and grapple! There are many different levels. There's the beginning level, and if you pass my private,
one-on-one sensei trial, you may make it into the advanced class. Tackle and grapple! Doug Duggart's Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, at the High Point mini mall, just east of the Pizza Barn, two doors down from Carl's
Discount Grills and Furniture. Tackle, get there. Trip 'em ups. Get down there. No, stay away. Special discounts for college students. Move it, get your leg down. (gong chimes) - I wake up next to this guy, and as usual, I don't even know his name. I'm trying to get dressed quickly and get out of there before he wakes up, but I can't find my underwear. (crying) I look everywhere, but
I just can't find them. And then, it hits me, I had left them at another guy's apartment earlier that night. And that's when I knew I had a problem. (group applauding supportively) - Thanks for sharing, Sky. Well, I notice a lot of
new faces this evening, and I'm so glad you all came. And I want you to know that
this is a safe place to share. So, if you wanna tell us your story, there'll be no judgment. - Sure, I'll go. (breathes deeply) Hi,
y'all, my name's Wendell, and I am, in fact, a sexual addict. - [Support Group] Hi, Wendell. - And what brings you here, Wendell? - Well, you know, my life,
sexually speaking, is crazy, and I just wanna find one
single solitary person to spend the rest of my life with. Just one, just one. - So, do you feel like your addiction is too much to handle right now? - Duh. I mean, it's been crazy, y'all. With me, the nastier, the better. I'm a dirty dog. I try everything, all the fixings, tantric, much like Sting. All the bells and whistles. You name it, I've donest it. - And when would you say you
hit rock bottom, Wendell? - When it got slippery outside my shower, on the floor, outside my shower. Oh! I hit rock bottom, sexually... Oh, it was probably
last night, last night. - Do you think that you
could tell us what happened, Wendell? - Yeah, let's see, uh... It was just like any other night, I had ordered a large pie, pepperoni, pineapple, cheesy crust, some cheesy bread on the side. Cut to 30 min later, the pizza parlor sent over a
delicious lady delivery person. Body 10, face 10. That's my weakness. So, I invited her inside. Opened up the box, it was hot. Devoured the first slice,
lickety-split, crust first. Second slice didn't stand a chance. Ate the tip of that bitch first, washed it down with a pop. Then, I got nasty with the cheesy bread. My heart started pounding
harder than usual, kerslunk, kerslunk. Moved on to the third slice. - [Group Leader] But, what about the girl? - What girl? Oh, the girl. Yeah, she was there too. I invited her into my boudoir,
aka the Stabbin' Cabin. We disrobed one another. I touched her on her genitalia, she touched me on my manitalia, and that's when I hit
it, sexually, of course. Upstairs, downstairs,
all-around-the-town stairs, as you do. And by then, it was just another night. I mean, oil everywhere
and sauce all over me. - Sauce? - Oh, yeah, that's my word for ejaculate. Anywho, I'm so distraught because I feel vulnerable. And I don't know, I just feel like anyone could take advantage of
me right now, an-y-one. Okay, let's see what the
blondes have to say first. - Well, thank you, Wendell. Um, thank you for sharing. It's actually our time today. (group applauding) (quiet chatter in background) - Yow, hey yow. Oh, yow? Yum yow. - Excuse me? - Oh man, oh man, oh man. I tell you one thing, If 911s were to happen up on this here plane, (scoffing quietly) don't worry, we got this. - Okay, I have no idea
what you're talking about. (dramatic sound) - He said that if them terries is gon' try somethin' up in here today, like the bounce, boogie, and bump, that we got this (beep) on lock. - Terr- Do you mean terrorists? - Oh, yeah.
- Hell yeah, baby. He ain't talking about Terry Garr. - And I certainly ain't
talking about no terrycloth. I mean, if a terry, up on this plane, even thinking about tryna do somethin', we gone draxx him up. - You're gonna, you're gonna what? - We gonna draxx them sklounst. - I think what my partner's trying to say is if any terries come up in here, we gone get our burgeron. - Did something happen, or did I miss somethin
that's hypothetical, or? - Oh, we gon' definitely
drop some hypotheticals on that terry's clavicle 'cause I'm talkin' 'bout-
(imitating breaking sound) (imitating blood squirting) - Don't you just wish though, don't you just wish in
your heart of hearts, some terry would come up in here, trying some grabass, and the touchy-feely? - That's the opposite of
what I want to have happen on a plane. - Okay. That's unfortunate. Conference. - This was unexpected. - It certainly was. I'm thrown right now as to
who's gonna be our comrade- - I can still hear you. - He doesn't have the
heart nor the gumption. - You're literally right next to me, so. - On three, break. Three. Yoo-hoo. - I got an idea, feel free to say no, but can we switch seats? I will not take no for an answer. - Why? - Dat's the combat seat,
Jonathan Livingston Seagull. If you gon' be in the combat seat, then you gots to be willing
to blast up on some terries. Because with great power comes
great respronsatrilitrance. - Okay, I just, I just
wanted some leg room, um. - Okay, Max Legroom, you get yours. Meanwhile, I'm gonna go Hayden
Pantiniere on some terries, especially when they get froggy. - Ribbit, ribbit. - Um... - You gon' have to be
ready to kidnap a terry. - I don't- - You gon' have to be
ready to torture a terry. - I don't think that's necessary. - Absolutely, you have to
fireboard those motherjammas. - I don't even understand what that means. - Do you trust me? - No. - I'll take that at a yes. - Okay. - Trust, these terries come up in here, trying to act froggy, then we gon' give them
the rainbow connection. - Here froggy, froggy, froggy, froggy. - Is that a box cutter? - Oh, you best believe it, baby. We gon' be eatin' like Diane Keaton. 2.36 inches, baby. - Shifwax. - Perfectly leguelle. - And if those don't work, (knife clicking) you know I'm working up
that plan B, brother. (dramatic music) - You brought a gun? - Hell yeah. 3D printer, baby. 100% polyurethane. They can't detect these
mamma jammas. (laughs) - They, they have a
weapon, they have a weapon! They have a weapon! (everyone yelling) - Where you at, terry? - Pipe down! Everybody relax! We takin' control of this plane! (men screaming) (dramatic music continues) - They guy on the right is the ringleader! - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! I'm on vacation! (pensive music) - Draxx them sklounst. (school bell ringing) - All right, listen up, y'all. I'm y'all's substitute
teacher, Mr. Garvey. I taught school for 20
years in the inner city, so don't even think about messing with me. Y'all feel me? - Mm-hmm. - Okay, let's take roll here. J-quelin. Where's J-quelin at? No J-quelin here? Yeah. - Uh, do you mean Jacqueline? - Okay. (drops clipboard) So, that's how it's gon' be? Y'all wanna play. Okay then. I've got my eye on you J-quelin. Balackay? Where is Balackay at? There's no Balackay here today? Yes, sir? - My name's Blake. - (drops clipboard) Are
you outta your goddam mind? Blayke. What? Do you wanna go to war, Balackay? - No. - 'Cause we could go to war. - No. - I'm for real. I'm for real. So, you better check yourself. D-nice. Is there a D-nice? If one of y'all says some silly ass name, this whole class is gon' feel my wrath. Now, D-nice. - Do you mean Denise? - Son of a bitch!
(clipboard pieces falling) You say your name right, right now. - Denise. - Say it right.
- Denise. - Correctly.
- Denise. - Right.
- Denise. - Right. - D-nice. - That's better. Thank you. Now, A-a-ron. Where are you? Where is A-a-ron right now? No A-a-ron, huh? Well, you better be sick,
dead, or a mute, A-a-ron! - Here! Oh, man. - Why didn't you answer me
the first time I said it, huh? - Huh? - I'm just, you know, I'm just asking you, I said it like four times, so why didn't you say it the
first time I said A-a-ron? - Because it's pronounced Aaron? - Son of a bitch! (items crashing) You done messed up, A-a-ron! Now, take yo' ass on down to O-Shaq Hennessy's office right now, and tell him exactly what you did! - Who? - O-Shaq Hennessy! - Principal O'Shaughnessy? - Get outta my goddam classroom before I break my foot off in your ass! Insubordinate and churlish. (paper rustling) Tamothee. - Preesent. - Thank you. (upbeat quirky music) ♪ All I want, yeah ♪ ♪ But, I don't need you ♪
