(upbeat music) - [Announcer] And
from the Skinny Shop Detroit Michigan, Lightning! (upbeat music) - Al right partner, take
this scumbag downtown before the Mexicans find
him and blow his ass away. - I'm gonna keep you
alive chico, comprende? (laughing lightly) (soft upbeat music) - No! (soft dramatic eighties
electronic music) (explosions exploding) No! (rooster cawing) (soft ominous music) Is that a bird? - Hey, do you know
what happened? - No. (guns firing aggressively) Oh! Oh I get it, when I
say no, stuff blows up. (explosions exploding) Cool. - [Announcer] Live
from the Nestle Arena, welcome to the finals of
1987 Jazz Fit championships! Representing the Body Shops from Hollywood California, Flash! (upbeat eighties
electronic dance music) And from the Skinny Shop
Detroit Michigan, Lightning! (upbeat eighties
electronic dance music) (ominous muffled whirring) (upbeat eighties
electronic dance music) (ominous muffled whirring) (upbeat eighties
electronic dance music) (ominous muffled whirring) (upbeat eighties
electronic dance music) (ominous muffled whirring) (upbeat eighties
electronic dance music) - You son of a bitch! You're the one who did it! You crazy (indistinct)! You gonna kill my family? (groaning lightly) (indistinct) Kill you! Kill you! (upbeat eighties
electronic music) - Nobody likes you, you girl! - Well you're a different
color than me and that's bad! - Oh yeah? Well you dress like a-
- Now hold on a second! - [Together] Whoa, Mr. T! - Never make fun of
a way a man dresses. The way a man dresses
is his business! Remember that,
whether it's overalls, chains or fella earrings,
how ever they dress is not to be joked about! I pity the fool that judges
another man's clothing! - I'm sorry I judged
your clothing. - It's okay. (upbeat music) - Hey Scout, there's
a man over there who said he'll give us
candy if we get in his van. - Ah I don't know if
that's a good idea Timmy. - (sighing softly)
What are you afraid of? Is it because you have a
stupid name like Scout? - Hey! - [Together] Whoa, Mr. T again! - Never make fun
of a person's name! Your mama gave you that name! Or you made it up for
business purposes! Either way, it's personal! I pity the fool that makes
fun of another man's name! Mr. T's a cool name! It's a cool name Mr. T! (upbeat music) - Hey Scout, wanna
do some drugs? - Aren't drugs bad? - I don't know. If you're afraid of
drugs, we could drink a bunch of alcohol. - Yum, that sounds good. - Well guess what? Your hair is stupid! - Never make fun of
another person's hair! - [Together] Hey Mr. T! - A person's hair is the artwork that they present
to the heavens! It's just like I've been sayin'. (upbeat music) ♪ Hair ♪ ♪ It is isn't fair ♪ ♪ Beware ♪ ♪ People care about their hair ♪ ♪ H is for the home
where I lay my head ♪ ♪ And I cry about your
mean jokes in my bed ♪ ♪ A is for anxiety
that fools provoke ♪ ♪ When they're lookin' at my
hair and they makin' jokes ♪ ♪ I is for I don't
like the way I feel ♪ ♪ When you're jokin' that
my haircut does not appeal ♪ ♪ R is for the real
mean jokes ya make ♪ ♪ And the hurtful little
pot shots that you take ♪ And for your information,
it's not even a haircut! It's a rare form of
male pattern baldness! You fools! Ah! Ah! (sobbing softly) For real! (soft upbeat music) (soft whirring) (eagle screeching in distance) (soft ominous music) (bones cracking lightly) (soft dramatic music) (lasers beaming) - [Dispatcher] All
units, status check. - The front of house is clear. Did you hear that? Must have been nothing. (soft dramatic music) (bones snapping aggressively) - The back patio is clear. (bones snapping aggressively) (groaning lightly) (soft ominous music) (bones snapping aggressively) (soft ominous music) - Nice. (water splashing softly) (soft ominous music) - Now it's my turn to play. (soft ominous music) (fingers snapping lightly) (gun cocking lightly) (screaming softly) (soft dramatic music) (gasping lightly) (groaning lightly) (bones snapping aggressively) (soft dramatic music) (sighing lightly) (chuckling softly) - Carol. (gun cocking lightly) - (gasping lightly) Teag! - I thought I killed you
the first time Mr. Teag. I promise, I will not make
the same mistake twice. (groaning lightly) You are a good cop Mr.
Teag but a lousy fighter. (groaning violently) (groaning lightly) - No! Teag! (groaning lightly) - Oh snap, Mr. Teag. (bones snapping aggressively) - Snap indeed. (soft sensual music) (sighing softly) - Teag! You just saved my life. - No Carol, you saved mine. (sensual music) (bones snapping aggressively) Oh (beep)! Oh (beep). (bones snapping aggressively) Let's just. (bones snapping aggressively) (soft ominous music) - Who you gonna call? (laughing lightly) Hi! I'm Ray Parker Jr,
writer and performer of the academy award nominated
hit single Ghost Busters! From the major motion
picture, Ghost busters! But that's just one song. I've written so many
other major motion picture theme songs and submitted
them throughout the years. Now they're available
and together for one specially priced compilation! Songs like. ♪ You tried to play the game
but it's drivin' you insane ♪ ♪ Jumanji, danger
in the jungle ♪ ♪ Jumanji, there's
a lion in my house ♪ ♪ Come on Mr. Computer,
throw me a bone ♪ ♪ I said lawnmower man ♪ ♪ Get up off of my lawn ♪ ♪ When Armageddon is near,
you better get outta here ♪ ♪ Look like a deep impact ♪ ♪ I ain't afraid
to (indistinct) ♪ ♪ Watch out behind you,
they're tryin' to find you ♪ ♪ Pelican brief ♪ ♪ It's gettin' legal y'all ♪ There songs have only been
heard by the highest level of industry decision makers. But now you can feel like
a Hollywood executive in your own home. ♪ I see your face off ♪ ♪ Bad guy walkin' around ♪ ♪ It's a face off ♪ ♪ That ain't even your face ♪ ♪ Passion of the Christ ♪ ♪ Givin' it (indistinct)
for this cross ♪ ♪ Passion of the Christ ♪ ♪ You know my
daddy is the boss ♪ ♪ Disturbia, that's
not even a word ♪ ♪ Gonna enervia ♪ ♪ Now there's a
whole lot of kinky ♪ ♪ Bet that room is stinky ♪ ♪ Fifty shades of Grey ♪ ♪ All right white people ♪ ♪ Who's a slave,
I'm not a slave ♪ ♪ Whoa ♪ ♪ Twelve years a slave ♪ ♪ Woops ♪ There's one thing I know, is that persistence
makes perfection. (chuckling lightly) Sure,
Hollywood missed out but that doesn't
mean you have to. ♪ Down in the basement,
what's goin' on ♪ ♪ It's a apt pupil, there's
a kid and a Nazi down there ♪ (upbeat music) - [Announcer] Order now
to receive your free copy of Bobby Sings the Two's,
theme songs to sequels that were never made. - Okay guys, Gremlins Two. I'm tellin' ya this movie,
should write itself. The first one was a classic, this should be pretty
straight forward. Basically, all we're
doing is maintaining the integrity of the
original picture. We wanna do all the stuff
with the water and the- What? Can we help you? - I'm sorry, let me
introduce myself. Hi y'all! My name is Star
Magic Jackson Junior, I'm the Hollywood sequel doctor. The studio just brings
me in to oversee things when they
'bout to drop a deuce. So that's why I'm here
but don't mind me. I'm just gonna be over
here, y'all do your thing. It's your movie. - Okay. Let's brainstorm. Adam. - If it's gonna take place
in an office building, I was thinking what
if Gizmo gets wet water from a water
cooler this time? - Okay hold on a second! I'm sorry, I'm gonna
have to step in here. Just one second sweetheart. So what's wrong with y'all? Y'all lookin' like a
bunch of sad sacks. This is G2 people! We writin' Gremlins Two,
it should be a party! With pizza and
anchovies, pineapple. Just come on, lift
up the spirits. Okay, I'm gonna put
a little bit of spice into the mixture here. What if we did this,
everybody here gets to design they own gremlin? - I don't see that the
gremlin design is broken. - It's called brainstormin'
not brain drizzlin' sweet pea. Okay shut your
mouth for a second. Look, here's the thing,
none of this is final. - So you mean like what if
there's a brainy gremlin? (laughing lightly) - A brainy gremlin? - You talkin' about a
gremlin with glasses who could sing New
York, New York? That's brilliant! It's in the movie, done. - Whoa, whoa, you said
that nothing was final. - That was before I hear
the words brainy and gremlin in the same sentence together! It's done, I love it,
it's in the movie, next! - What about a spider gremlin? - You mean a gremlin
with eight legs and a thorax just
catchin' pretty ladies in a web in an office building? Oh my God, it's in
the movie, I love it! Next! - What about a bat gremlin? (gasping lightly) - You mean a gremlin
with leathery wings just flyin' around flip floppin' bust through a wall,
make a perfect bat symbol in the wall, get outside,
get in some wet concrete jump up on a
building and just dry in place like a
gargoyle gremlin? We are cooking with gas now! I love it, it's in
the movie, next! - Could there be
a female gremlin? - Lipstick, boobies
bitch, you have me a little gremlin vajayay! I love it so much that
it's not only in the movie but it's definitely
in the movie, there's no backsies on that one. No penny taxing! Yes, yes, yes! In the movie, done! That's why we need a
woman the writer's room. Next! - I don't know. A googly-eyed gremlin? - But you do know
because you talkin' about a gremlin whose sole
purpose in this film is just that he looks
stupid as (beep). Yes, it can be in the movie
and it is in the movie! Done, next! What about you silver fox? - Electricity gremlin? - You just said a
noun and gremlin, you playin' Mad Libs,
you just like a child. You have a brain of a child. You do not have a high
IQ but you haphazardly came up with a gremlin
that's just made out of bolts that is zigzagin'
all over the room and is done completely
in animation. You a crazy person and
your idea's in the movie! Done! Next! - Can we put the hulkster in it? - What! You talkin' about
puttin' Hulk Hogan? Professional wrestler
turned actor, turned cultural
icon in the movie where he break the fourth
wall of the movie he's in by talking to the audience! You sir! Are a raging psychopath. Don't let this town
take that away from you. (upbeat music) That's it, I don't
even care anymore. We got the hulkster in
this bitch so it's done! I don't have anymore time so,
let me just recap right now. It's brainy gremlin, spider
gremlin, bat gremlin, lady gremlin, googly-eyed
gremlin, electricy gremlin. Hulk Hogan's gonna
be in the picture. I'ma throw in a gremlin myself! Vegetable gremlin! Just write it up, I'm
havin' so much fun. - Why not.
- Thank you! This all gonna be
in the actual film. Now I gotta go put some cowboys in Back to the Future Three. Sayonara y'all! Oops! (upbeat music) (applauding softly) - Now okay, you guys know that none of that is gonna
be in the actual movie. (soft upbeat music)
