Every Song Ever - Key & Peele

hey what's up y'all oh hey what you guys playing oh no just a little dvd right you know what dvd uh it came for you in the mail it says to my fresh dope son from m.c mom i can't wait to see it hey hey if there's one thing we're gonna do today we are playing that dvd come on come on man oh yeah oh yes oh god please man did you produce this trash no no no no no no no no no yo oh okay got on the bomb jeep i'm the m to the c to the m o m and when it comes to mom rappers i'm the bigger the best of them sending out this rhyme to my homie number one his name's carl stewart but to me he's just son word up oh okay she got that running man down come on can we please turn this off turn it up no yeah yeah i missed her you left some stuff behind that i can send you if you need like your best friend bear and your magazines going through all this stuff but it looks pretty risky you use so much lotion but your socks sure are crispy i've been cleaning with the broom and the vacuum and found victoria's secret is she's hiding in your room every nook and cranny there are wads of tissue i can't even open this swimsuit issue what is wrong with you bro i spilled a soda on that magazine i'm getting your sheets so nice and clean like when you wet your bed till you were 16. i overreacted sorry i spanked you look another crispy sock no thank you oh sniffing that is wrong how many crispy socks she gonna find though crispy socks here crispy socks there crispy socks with some mystery hands we're gonna turn it off right now come on you guys we started it we gonna finish oh all the bee changed up i got the kitchen and the basement and the living room and since your dad met that [ __ ] i got his office too got my juices going my rhymes flowing my breath blowing showing the signs are slowing i can feel my skills growing took a little practice to practice these lyrical gymnastics but now the fact is queen bee imma be throwing out your mattress hell yeah baddest [ __ ] in the biz taking the show [Music] don't you put your hands away [Applause] lewis [Music] wow but but [Music] poo [Music] [Music] is [Music] the space between the button balls taint face you tainted taint your face is obtained [Music] take it back no i won't take it back i never win take it back go away [ __ ] you don't need to fight over me there's plenty [Music] you know what i'm talking about right y'all know what i'm talking about oh [Music] there's a light and it shines within the darkness of the sands of time from time there's our fight but the battle to be won is with the man [Music] will inside it from getting to you flying high to live like a dream [Music] there's a fire let the music in your heart give way to the things that you believe [Music] [Applause] exactly [Music] [Music] don't let [Music] if you first [Applause] [Music] like a dream [Music] i believe is the power of wings [Music] you should just stay ahead at night i've had too much wine leave at first light it isn't that far maybe just to stay where you are back to my place [Music] i really had a very nice [Music] look i really have to go you really have to stay hey no means no that is what they all say you're hurting my eyes let go of me we can make this harder just easy woman always comes prepared ooh i'm really scared i said this is not what i want why you have to be such a no self-defense i dare you to try it i don't want to fight [ __ ] [Applause] [Music] please just please go away you wanted me to stay well i i just changed my mind i think [Music] please too [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] playground with us [Music] jet [Music] [Music] [Music] you gotta make it swim [Music] trees [Music] [Music] [Music] hey what the hell are we saying man i got no idea man i'm just hungry and talking about the galaxy and trains i think they [Music] [Applause] hi i'm ray parker jr writer and performer of the academy award-nominated hit single ghostbusters from the major motion picture ghostbusters but that's just one song i've written so many other major motion picture theme songs and submitted them throughout the years now they're available and together for one specially priced compilation songs like you tried to play the game but it's driving you insane jumanji danger in the jungle jumanji there's lying in my house come on mr computer throw me a bone i said lawn mower [Music] [Applause] [Music] watch out behind you that's trying to find you pelican briefs it's getting legal y'all these songs have only been heard by the highest level of industry decision makers but now you can feel like a hollywood executive in your own home i see your face off that guy walking around it's a face off that ain't even your face passing on the christ get me down off for this cross [Music] now there's a whole lot of kinky that that room is stinky 50 shades of grey all right white people who's a slave i'm not a slave oh 12 years i sang [Music] there's one thing i know is that persistence makes perfection sure hollywood missed out but that doesn't mean you have to down in the basement what's going on it's uh there's a kid and a nazi down there order now to receive your free copy of bobby sings the twos theme songs to sequels that were never made [Music] i once met alas so fine she was drunk on barley wine i'd been to sea for months or three i knew i could make her mine and the last was past consent so it was off with her we went and we threw her in bed and rested her head and left because that's what gentlemen do a woman has a right to a drink [Music] [Music] there once was a gal from leeds who i heard was good on her knees so i docked my ship for an overnight trip to take care of all my needs just fine as the tails to tell and my mask began to swell so i laid her down and raised her down and performed cunnilingus for an hour or so [Applause] [Music] i once had a woman so fair whose wound contained my air with a sun by my side the seas we'd ride the child she would bear but my girl she was no fool she was working her way through school so i did support when she chose to abort because it's her body in there for her choice [Applause] [Music] talking about a ship we don't say [ __ ] and we don't say [ __ ] cause that language leads to things like bodies there was a lady with a golden eye and the doctor said she would die so she emptied her purse to lift the curse and prayed to stay alive she awoke the very next day and in her grave she lay but the scariest part of the story from the start is i bet you assumed the doctor was a man [Applause] is [Music] [Music] there was a slot with tits to here and an ass snake [Music] cause it's yo ho but we don't say how [Music] oh [Music] so [Music] foreign [Music] um [Music] [Music] [Applause] hello [Music] ah [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] okay [Music] uh [Music] [Applause] [Music] so [Applause] [Music] so [Music] ah uh [Music] [Applause] [Music] bye well i'm just a good old american boy with a heart that's red white and true dreaming of the girl with the red hair and freckles in her eyes like the skies of blue country music yeah i grew up in texas you know so all right keep her safe from the homies in the wrong side of town where they're smoking the reefer and acting like clowns keep that pretty white dress from getting dirty and brown cause that's the american way oh pretty racist song racist against who or black people black people but i'm black well keeping the red-headed girl away from the homies on the wrong side of town homies come on brother there's all kinds of homies you know you white homies asian homies no homies are black no i think you're making them black man i mean i think that's your stuff you hear the twang and then you assume that it's racist but that's that's just what country music is like here look you're gonna like this one you'll like this one all right some folks wear their hats way off to the side with their pants down low and a gun tucked inside take their beer by the 40 and their chicken deep fried i think we all know who we're talking about [Applause] the only dark i like is when i turn off the lights the only hood i love is pointy and white and trust you if i can't see your face at night i think we all know we're dogging up wait wait hey stop that that's racist what's what what is racist about it the only hood i love is pointy and white yeah man let's talk about the klan man the ku klux klan are you outside of your mind that's traditional country music imagery man like a pickup truck or sleeping under the stars or your dog got killed or your wife left you same thing i would have been fine with any of those things what is the difference between those things and what is in the song they're not racial hey you know what can i just say something man i'm just gonna be frank you're getting a little like al sharpton like um farrakhan on me right now man oh my god are you serious dude please hey give me you know can i do one more let me just do one more dog i absolutely promise you that this song is not racist and it's impossible for you to misinterpret it as such okay it seems like you're about to sing the most racist song so far i'm not how [Applause] [Music] over here trying to sing about a tire swing write off an entire genre of music the banjos are struggling and the drums are banging let's get the boys together and have ourselves a hangout oh damn now i see it now i see it [Music] one at a time i put men like you behind bars every day one at a time you may take my years but cannot lock my soul away do [Music] don't let me get in your way [Music] do i tell him of his now where did this [ __ ] come from i have no idea one at a time it's hard enough to talk to him did you say my daughter now this is just a [Music] because joke are getting worse taking what we can from everything [Music] [Applause] [Music] is the city on fire what's with all the smoke oh now we're all ears [Music] all y'all rappers out there think y'all hard cause what y'all been through hey y'all check it out it was friday night chillin on my front lawn me and my crew i had my bathrobe on everybody high just watched x-men got plenty chicken heads ready for sex man monsters roll up they trying to talk smack don't these know they [ __ ] [Music] went back to my palace fast now i'm the dude walking around with a phallus cast like wolverine i'm trying to be a loner but they think i'm got an adamantium boner what can i say they still up on my totem pole [ __ ] get your tongue ring away from the scrotum hole don't know why they love it but it keeps the ladies moistening gave half the honeys in the hood lead poisoning shot shot shot i got shot in them [Music] still standing [Music] that hurts damn no video over man video's over i'm serious man damn struggling using words and rhymes to get through hard times yeah come on [Music] i came from the streets with nothing in my pockets no food no picks no power no sockets each battle i fight a role model and a teacher hip-hop my church every rapper a preacher i preach from my ass my farts is my sermons the church is your mouth where i shoot my holy spermin you could take your role models roll them on my meat [ __ ] always on the menu when i [Music] but everywhere we go we don't forget the struggle son black woman two jobs two kids too tired to juggle [Music] in my mouth different [Music] it looks cities we're back together and it's like nothing had ever torn us apart [Music] [Applause] [Music] so tonight i'm gonna hit that tonight i'm gonna hit fat hit that tonight i'm gonna hit that pitch [Applause] [Music] just get into my car and i'll take you so far from [Music] let's just walk and take it slow in crowded places so they'll know [Music] [Music] tonight [Music] i'm sorry that was an involuntary reaction hey i just got a text from charles y'all he got on the wrong bus he's on the other side of town other side of town but our concert is in an hour yeah i know but but he wants us to warm up and rehearse praise to the lord charles said that in text okay okay well if that's what charles said yeah that's okay we got this we can do what we can do to do this come on y'all come on five six seven eight we lift up to the lord we give praise up to the lord we sing merrily up to the lord give thanks up to the lord we lift up to the lord we give praise up to the lord we sing merrily up to the lord give face up to the lord i think you're gone from your note you're going higher than your note pretty sure this is my note in fact i'm positive this is my note because this is my note pretty sure this is my note could have swore this was your note that has never been my note well we can't have the same note so one of us is wrong why don't you worry about your note i'll take care of my own nose but it's a really really really bad note you are not taught i never said that i was charles well you acting like you thank you charles look i know that i'm not charles you can't say that again well you're both off your notes and it's messing with the rest of our notes speak for yourself naima holding my nose i wasn't trying to single you out you said everyone was off that note not everything is about you gina kiss my black ass oh dear lord [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] had this feeling for so long i didn't feel so right baby how could this feeling be wrong sometimes the thing that you've been searching for has been right there the whole time so baby i'm here to tell ya i'm waiting right here just to make you all mine you're the one i always hope for it's a feeling i can't hide you and i always been here baby standing right here by your side [Music] yes been building up inside of me and i just gotta come out and tell you what i'm feeling girl tell you all love is what i'm talking about [Applause] gotta tell you what my heart knows and what it has known for so long [Applause] [Music] i will take care of you baby baby let's take our sweet time do it to you slow the way you've never done before we're opening up your mind i will open up your door i've been searching all around [Music] sometimes the thing you're searching for has been there the whole time i want to give you all i got now and i'll take all you can get you and i'll never turn my back on you as long as we both shall leave i'm talking about you you standing right in front of you nothing left to hide you sugar sam i'm telling you everything i've kept very deep inside i'm rubbing up against your big bald head your big bowed head i'll shed your big bald head and then now there's no one else i could be possibly talking about cause you are bald and you are here [Music] you're a woman i'm a man now you and you know that's how i like it you and i'm specifically talking bout you because you're a girl and i am the opposite of you woman woman woman woman woman you are a woman i am a man you know i like women [Music] me to a place i know and ain't no pain ain't no sorrow it's a place to be if your skin is brown i'm talking about negro town negro town what like atlanta almost now be quiet while i sing negro town you can walk the street without getting stopped to rest or beat and there's always a cab when you need to get around [Music] [Music] [Music] there's light skin dark skin every shade [Music] and there's no white [ __ ] to take them away [Music] this sounds too good to be true it does doesn't it i'm sorry i'm sorry in negro town you live long and well there's no disease no sickle cell no stupid-ass white folks touching your hair or stealing your culture claiming it's theirs hanging out in a groove doesn't make you a gang every word that you say ain't considered slag no one trying to get in on the latest trend by making you their token black friend is the place where harmony is found it's a black playground talking about talking about [Music] oh [Music]

Channel: Key & Peele

Views: 1,726,200

Keywords: Key & Peele, Key and Peele, Jordan Peele, Keegan-Michael Key, keey & peele, Key & Peele full episodes, key and peele show, kay and peele, sketch comedy, funny, funny video, comedy videos, funny jokes, funny clips, Get Out, Us, Jordan Peele Get Out, Jordan Peele Us, Key & Peele sketch, Key and Peele comedy, Jordan Peele stand up, Keegan-Michael Key stand up, comedy central, comedy, skit, sketch, joke, high school, substitute teacher, a a ron, sketches, compilation

Id: pycz5QaKGy0

Length: 42min 11sec (2531 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 26 2021