(man moaning in pleasure) - I love being incontinent. I love being incontinent. A delight to the senses, isn't it, my friend? Isn't it? I'll have what I'm having! I'll have what I'm having! - So glad we could bring this
project to this neighborhood. - It's so rich in history. - I grew up in a
neighborhood like this. - Oh yeah, I grew up in a
neighborhood exactly like this. - All right, welcome
to Mama Sugarback's. Y'all ready to order? - Yeah. Can I have a chicken fried
steak with gravy and a cola? - Okay. - I will have the baked beef
short ribs with collard greens and throw down some
of that corn bread. - [Waitress] All right, babe. - You know what? Hold up a second. I'm also going to have
some of them collard greens and cornbread as well, but hook a brother up with
some of them hotlinks. - [Waitress] All right. - All right. - You know what, why
am I trying to front? Scratch all that. Give me some okra and
some fried red snapper and girl, you know,
I want some chitlins. - [Waitress] All right. - Y'all got ham hocks? - [Waitress] Of course. - Well, that's what I want. I want to plate of ham
hocks, deep fried, blackened, and served on a bed
of mustard greens. - Pig feet. I want some pig feet and
four pounds of grits. And oh, and you know what else? Give me a little Dixie
cup full of lard. - All right, I just
remembered what I want. A bowl of mosquitoes. None of them tiny ones either, give me them big (beep)
you find down at the swamp. - Sista,' could you
please hook a brother up with a rusty bucket
full of fish heads wrapped in razor wire? - Donkey teeth. - Donkey teeth? - Straight out a donkey's mouth. You know what? (beep) it. Any animal tooth will do. I want you to stick it
in some honey glaze, fry it with fat back, and serve it in an
old tin coffee can. - Forget everything I said
up to this point right now. Bring me some dandelion
greens, a cow hip, and a dog face. Wrap that whole mess in
an old Ebony magazine and serve it to me in a shoebox. - Okay, I want a platter
of a stork ankles, an old cellar door,
a possum spine, and a human foot. - You want a human foot? - Mhmm. - I got just one
question for y'all. You want gravy on
that cellar door? - Oh, definitely. - Oh yeah, you got
to put gravy on it. - What's a cellar
door without gravy? - It's not food. That's really- (man gags) - This place is so nice. - This is supposed to be one
of the best French places in town. - Ooh, I did not realize
that you were so cultured. - You're sweet. My French is pretty good. So I can order for both of us. - Oh, well, well, well. - Bonjour, welcome to
Chez de la Notre Vendre. I am your waiter
for this evening. My name is Jean-Luc
de la Pierre-Renault, but you may call me Jean. - Bonjour, Jean. - Oh, look at you. - If you have any questions
about anything at all I'm more than happy
to assist you. - Jean? I got it. Merci beaucoup. - Tres bien. Well, our first
special tonight is a (speaking French) served with a (speaking French) that is served on a bed (speaking French) - Yum. - Our soup today is a (speaking French) with just a dash of (speaking French) and served with (speaking French) - Soup. - Our other seafood
today, we have a very nice (speaking French) from the good Salt
Valley and Vessel Town. It is served with the side of (speaking French) cologne sauce. - And it's just... I'm a little bit overwhelmed. - Oh, yes! Oh God, I'm so
glad you said that. I was about to say
the same thing. - So you would
recommend getting the (speaking French) with the, oh, I'm sorry, is the (speaking French) in a heavy (speaking
French) sauce? - Oh, no, no, no. It's more like a (speaking French) sauce. - What do you think? I'm going to defer
to him on this one. Because he knows this
stuff way better than I do. - Monsieur? - What, what? Yeah, we're, we'll have the (man speaking gibberish) We'll try the (man speaking gibberish) It's been nice knowing you. Have a lovely dinner. - Excuse me, I think
we're ready to order. - Well, I'm sorry. That's not how things work
in this establishment. Someone will come to you. - Yes, we're sorry. No problem. - What was that? - What? - Well where was black Jeff? - Black Jeff? - Yeah, black Jeff. I read somewhere that when
you date a biracial guy, you're supposed to get
the best of both worlds. So there are white
Jeff situations and there are black
Jeff situations. And that was definitely
a black Jeff situation. - Oh, okay. - Hi, folks, I'm so
sorry for the wait. Can I get you
bottled or tap water for the table this evening? - How about I bottle your ass and kick it down
the stairs, man. We've been waiting half an hour for one of you
(beep) to show up. - God, I'm so sorry. I'll get you a bottle of
our finest premium water on the house. - That's what I said, bitch. - What are you doing? - Black Jeff. That was black Jeff. - But he was just
trying to help us. - Oh, so white Jeff? - Yes. - Good evening, I'm
sorry to bother you two. I am the matre'd
here at Shea Henri. - Oh yes, what is it? - I am so sorry to
disturb you both, but our establishment
has a certain dress code and madame's (speaking
French) is inappropriate. - Oh my God, we're very sorry. We didn't know there
was a dress code. We'll certainly remember
for the next time, but there won't be
no next time for you, looking at my woman and
her (speaking gibberish) or whatever you said, man. - Is there a problem here? - Okay, see, it was really
a simple misunderstanding. It all started with
that (beep) right there, who was disrespectin'
myself and my girl. But we really love this guy and he gave us
exceptional service. - We're going to have
to ask you to leave. - You have to ask me to leave? You have to ask the
black man to leave? Huh? Actually, you don't
have to ask us to leave, we just want to
see ourselves out, and we ain't never
coming back again. Though we really
appreciate your help. (dishes crash) (speaking Spanish) Watch yo' ass man! Let us reimburse you for
that break, it's okay? Right after I burned this whole
place to the (beep) ground with everybody inside of it. By which I mean, you're going to get a very
negative review on Yelp. - You will be in room 237. And you have free wifi there. Also from 6:00 AM to
10:00 AM every morning there's a free
continental breakfast. - Oh! Continental breakfast? - Yes. From 6:00 AM to 10:00 AM. - So it's continental then. - Mhmm. - Very good. Hey, Garson. One admission for the
continental breakfast. - You can just
help yourself, sir. - Interesting! European style. (man chuckling to himself) When in Rome. The forbidden fruit. (cereal crunches) Well, aren't you a tiny plum? Well, la di da. Paper and everything. And who are you,
my little friend? Not a spoon, not a fork, but something in between. A f-poon. (man chuckling to himself) Will you think of next, Germany? All the European
countries lay before me. Where should I fly to first? The pit of the donut. Thank you, Turkey. Buckle up. Let's see where
we shall go next. Oh, the danish. Clearly from Brussels. Hello, Greece, where the
yogurt flows like water. (man slurping) Yes. Like Go-Gurt, but to stay. Oh God, pulling into Spain. Baked to perfection. Can you believe it? It all comes with the room. (man groaning with delight) I love being incontinent. I love being incontinent! A delight to the
senses, isn't my friend? Isn't it? I'll have what I'm having! I'll have what I'm having! (man sobbing) It's so good. - Oh, good afternoon, sir. How can I help you? - Well, Davis, I will
be staying indefinitely. - But sir, don't you know
that you've always been here? - Really? - Mhmm. - Continental breakfast? - Right around the corner. (old-timey music) - Welcome, welcome! Sit here, sit here. That's a good lady. All right, first
time, first time? First time, first time for you? - Yes. - Oh, right! - So what's good? - Oh, you have to
have do kebapi. Kebapi is what they're
going to have, okay? - Oh, don't they serve that
in the cafe across the street? - No! You can not get the kebapi at
the cafe across the street! (man cursing in
foreign language) (dishes crashing) - What did I say? - Across the street is Albanian. This cafe, Macedonian. Macedonian. - My friends. I like to apologize for
the behavior of my passion. I just feel bad in my brain for people to think that your
mouths will have been raped. But the food that
they're serving, these Albanian mother bitches. This mother bitches, sons of
my bitch across the street, what they be serving is chebapi. - And what do you serve here? We serve the kebapi. - Kebapi. - Kebapi. - Kebapi. - Kebapi. - Ke, ba, pi. - Kebapi. - Kebapi. - No, look at mouth. Ke, ba, pi. - Kebapi. - Kebapi. - Kebapi. - Kebapi. - Now you're getting it. Kebapi. - Kebapi. - Kebapi. - You finally get it, perfect. - What is the difference
between kebapi and chebapi? - But they don't know. - I have to forgive them. For the bastard mother
bitches over there that are serving the chebapi, put in the grilled meat,
salt, chopped red pepper, diced onion, cream, gushmuck,
ice, and the cottage cheese. (waiter laughing) - But what do you serve? - We serve the kebapi. And we put in the cottage
cheese, the gush muck, the cream, then it's
the diced onions- - Sounds exactly like- - The red pepper, and
then the grilled meat. Then the grilled meat. And then we stir. - And across the
street, they do? - Those mother bitches
over there, they mix it, the sons of mother, mother sons. (waiter yelling) (waiter speaking in
foreign language) We are here, they are there. Here, there, here, there. - Hey, my friends! - Now it is time for you
to try the real good food. Not what these sons of my
bitches serve across the street. - McDonald's? - Sure. - Make sure to give us
the five stars on Yelp. - God, the moment that I saw
you last night at the club, totally had to ask you out. - Are you kidding me? Like the moment? That's so sweet. - I was actually afraid
that you were going to be like one of those high
maintenance chicks. - What? - Yeah, I don't know,
like a control freak, I don't even know. - Oh my God, that's so funny. - Is it funny? - No, I'm like, I totally just like
to be easygoing. - Hi, I'm Wayne. - It's been five minutes and we're just now
getting our menus? - I'm sorry. - Don't be sorry. Be better. - Right, okay. I'll be better. - That's your job. Thank you. So yeah, my philosophy
is pretty much like, keep it chill. - Right, yeah, yeah. - You know what
I like about you? - No, what? - You're not afraid to be
like brainy and respectful. - Right. Thanks. I really like your boobs. - I think we really
compliment each other well. - We just did it right there. - And I pretty much
go with the flow. What the (beep)
is wrong with you? - Excuse me? - Do I look like Mad Max to you? - I'm sorry? - Do I look like Mel
Gibson with a mullet? - No, not at all. - Does he look
like a feral child with a boomerang in his hand? - No. - Then why the (beep) is
water a rare commodity here? - It's not, it's not. I'm just... I'm sorry, I'm just
really slammed. - You'll know when
you're slammed because your nuts
will be on the table and my fist will be
covered in your blood. - You were really, kind
of harsh to that guy. - Oh him? - Yeah. - No. I was a hostess at a restaurant. In the industry that's
how we talk to each other. I'll show you. Hey! - Hey. - What do you see there? - That's your water. - Down, down boy. Bend your knees. - Okay, I have
five other tables. - What's that look like to you? - Yes, there's a little
lipstick on your glass. - Okay. - I think it's yours. - This is what I want you to do. I want you to take
this glass in the back. I want you to break it. Take the biggest shard you
can find and bring it to me. Then I'm gonna slit your gullet. - I'll get you another one. - I'm gonna slit your throat
and watch you bleed out and I'm going to
shower in your blood. - Okay, I'll get
you another water. - Well, that would
be great, thank you. But as I was saying like, I just feel like it's
like do unto others. - Wait a minute! It was your lipstick
on the glass. The hell was that? What are you doing? Wait, oh no! - Oh my God. No one's talked to me
like that in my life. You have his back? Who does that? - It was your
lipstick on the glass. - He's just a waiter. You know what? Take his side. I hope you have a very
happy life together. - What's going on right now? - No! You left your jacket! - Hey, don't do it. - But I just hurt her feelings. And then she left her jacket. The least I could do- - Don't do it. - She (beep) needs her jacket. - She doesn't need it,
it's 87 degrees out. You know she doesn't need
it in your heart of hearts. You know she doesn't
need that jacket. Don't do it. - She's gonna need her jacket. - Seemed like a nice guy. - Which one you want? - Give me both of them, man. I decide which one I want
when I want to eat it. - You want some of
these vegetables too? - Nah, nah. - Just saying man, the nutrients is good for
maintaining energy levels, so. - I know what the (beep)
a vegetable is, man. Don't don't tell me what
a vegetable is, man. I'm, hey, I'm a grown ass man. All right? - I'm sorry. This three bean salad
is the bomb though. - Oh snap. They got three bean
salad up in there? I ain't even see that. - You want some of mine? - Yeah. - Open the hanger. - Whatchu doing? Nah, you don't do that. You don't feed me
like a kid, man. I'm a grown ass man. - Okay, yeah, you got
some schmutz right here. - Hey! Wanna (beep)? You never touch a
grown man's face. - Yeah, that's right. I'm sorry, okay You are a grown ass man. - Hey! I don't need you to pat my back. I'm a grown ass man. Whatchu doin? - I know you're grown. I don't want to hear any
more about a grown ass man. - That's what I am. - I don't want to hear- - Why you treating me like this? - This is not the place
for this conversation. Don't start acting up. - 'Cause you're making me angry. - Okay, then I need you
to breathe a little bit. (man exhaling loudly) - Don't tell me how to breathe. - (beep) I want a (beep)
inside voice up in this bitch. Don't be getting loud
around these white people. - You treat me like a
baby, well I'm not a baby. - You're not a baby? (man sniffling) Did you pee yourself? - Just a little bit. - Well, go to the
bathroom and change, okay? - I don't wanna change. (man yelling) - Is that how we behave? How we behave? - Stupid bitch! (man gasps) (man slapping friend) - Oh, oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You're a grown ass man. Who's a grown ass man? You a grown ass man. (man yelling) You know what grown ass men do? They go to the bathroom
and change their pants without the pee-pee, right? - Right. - Okay, let's go. Excuse me, everybody. I'm sorry, but my son got that
Benjamin Button's disease. He's 4. - Well, 4 and 3/4. - Thank you's for being here. - Oh, of course. You know, he's glad we could
set aside our differences and avoid a war. - Salud. - All right, salud. (rock music) Whoa, whoa, whoa, Anthony! (man punching) We're trying to
avoid a war here. (man grunting) That's too much. What are you doing? We're just having a
nice little dinner here. Well, that's just disrespectful. No, not his hair. Hey, he had good hair. Yeah, you're done. You already messed up. No, no, no. Don't go deleting his contacts. He's not gonna know whether
to answer it or not. You're finished now. That's good. Look what you did. Now we were in the
middle of something. And now what's going on? What are you going to? Oh, that's permanent. That's a permanent
silly mustache. Oh, now he looks like
a sleeping musketeer. That's adorable,
but it's ridiculous. He can't even hardly
wash that off. That's what, what is that? What you're putting in his hand? That doesn't even make sense. It doesn't even make sense. Oh, Anthony. Oh, that's hilarious. But save that for
a slumber party. All right, what are you doing? You're rearranging
the silverware. That's just so mean. It's confusing. It's confusing enough. Oh, well you know the salad
needed a little pepper, so that's good. That's not so bad. You finally did
something constructive. What are you looking for? You're putting the
silverware back. That's good. That's good. Now he knows he can go
from outside to the inside. Oh, you're putting a
little shush in his hair. That's good, yeah, shush it. Well it actually looks
better than when he came in. If he wasn't unconscious,
he could go out on the town. So that's good. All right. Wipe off his face. Yeah, get the mustache
while you're at it. 'Cause that's the most
embarrassing part. He doesn't look
ridiculous anymore. Okay, now you're
helping everybody. That's good for everybody. Everybody likes that. Nobody wants lettuce
on the floor. - Stick a (beep) in it, Stanley. - All right, we done? You really turned
this around, Anthony. All right and then you're gone. All right. All right, he won't
even know what hit him. He won't even know that any- Oh no, no, no, no, no. Anthony, I can see
it in your eyes. I can see it in your eyes. You're going the
other way now Anthony, and it was going so well. Well that's perverse Anthony. I don't even know what
what's that, what's that? What are you going to
do with that finger? (man yelling) Oh no, not the wet willy! No, no, Anthony
we're going to war. We're going to war. (upbeat music)
