Most Iconic Moments From Holt's Office | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

hello you've reached the office of Raymond Holt I can come to the phone right now Hey sir I'm just here at the hospital with Jake and I think he could use some oversight agreed hey what's going on I'm helping Hol pick a dating site oh this looks good phds only uh actually in this context PhD stands for pretty huge oh my I can only assume that MD's only stands for medium why did I just receive a Civilian Complaint about you two I can answer this because your assistant is a goblin Captain we swept the scene ran the prince canvased the building we followed procedure procedure is just a fancy word for proper order to do things yes that is its definition this is a miscarriage of Justice I'm going to haunt your dreams squirt more lube and help me yank you know that fun braggy recap we do at the end of each win can we leave this part out yes we'll make up a cooler thing but for now we lube and Y wrap your legs around him to Anchor yourself yep here we go hey Captain I just need you to sign something at my desk real quick just leave it on the couch dismissed okay sir you're going to freak yoyo ma is in the precinct and he's giving out autographs yoyo ma is on tour in Australia right now how would you know that I'm choking out a Lage I'm going to die I got to take no no look I swallow it I lo it it's fine hey hey I made you another bowl of soup since you spilled yours earlier but you're going to have to come over here to get it all right baral I'm sick of you wasting time so yes I spill some minone in my pants and I'm sitting in my underwear happy yes sir I need you to sign off on look at us just three people with pants on having a normal conversation yep no story here Terry just cuz I know all your passwords doesn't mean I know Captain Hol okay well we could probably guess it why don't you try bald by choice or pekman or mamore Enthusiast stop saying my pass words damn Gina now Terry's got to update his keychain last Halloween after you won the beted I went back to my office to do everyone's paperwork but I did no paperwork I started to plot my revenge I began by creating a word cloud but I mean I thought since you were in charge maybe I can be your right-hand man your Tinkerbell Tinkerbell let me tell you something about Tinkerbell Tinkerbell is a loyal lieutenant and a real thorn the side of Captain Hook fine done you're my number two yes I made number two I hear it why would I ever say that Santiago I'm on the phone triple break I'm so sorry sir I can come back later no it's too late the call is ruined goodbye dear your suspension has been lifted foral well that's great news sir and now it is time for the traditional handing back of gun and badge to the Vindicated hero ceremony everyone in I don't have your gun or your badge just take form 891 uncore J down to the equipment room and retrieve your things there I'm sorry but that's unacceptable come on Captain I need this we all need this come on fine fine if this will make you happy I believe these belong to you congratulations very nice thank you but as I've said before the system stinks and this isn't over I say we March down to City Hall get out of my office yep death sergeant said we're hosting a forensic Sciences course yes taught by Dr Ronald ye he revolutionized the field of forensic entomology he is a rock star oh please rock stars wish they were he the man can tell how long a corpse has been decomposing just by studying the maggots inside I'd like to see Barbara strand do that not sure Barbara strand counts as a rock star sir she sings in English that's rock music hey you're dripping on my carpet oh don't worry sir it's just urinal water clean urinal water you could eat off his shirt why would I ever eat off his shirt I have been taking notes on points of friction in this office for years the red areas are places where no work gets done if we can fix these problems without anyone knowing what we're doing we will finish on time are you saying you want to secretly perform scientific experiments on your friends and co-workers to increase efficiency Yes sounds fine let's do it Captain Rose is trying to make me run for union rep you have to stop her I cannot do that as I told you I'm not allowed to get involved it's too late anyway you already have a campaign slogan pick Amy dummies I wrote that tell her how good it is Captain again I cannot look I love campaigning and making signs Lord knows I have enough poster board at home but captain please tell her I shouldn't run for union rep I'm just going to turn around in my chair so Amy you're saying I should just return this button maker you think you can tempt me with the T1 50 button maker sir you've got to see this it doesn't even make mirror backs this is a joke still not participating I'm enjoying a magazine jokes on you Amy you and Scully are giving campaign speeches in the briefing room tomorrow what sir permission to arrest Diaz for being a jerk permission to shoot Santiago for being a coward stop it both of you now you've done it you've made me turn my chair sir can I get $350 in petty cash I need to throw an ice cream party for Terry with an eye make sure there are no hard feelings why she gets it with a misunderstanding she's a Terry and you're a terance who even though he's not a child still goes by a nickname ending in a y I mean don't people call you Ray how dare you nognog little Christmas humor yes the NOG from eggnog used in place of nog I stand corrected he loved it so I was just looking through some old files and I think I may have found a mistake in a closed case which one it was actually now now that I think of it if I'm remembering correctly and I could be wrong on this it's the Brooklyn Broiler what that dirt bag flamed out ages ago why were you looking at that case she was making you a gift not a gift snitch it didn't cost me anything just my worthless man- hours from Ray to Z I thought I told you no gifts take this away and bring me the broers file I'll look into this mistake actually the evidence is part of the scrapbook so I have to leave the whole thing fine I'll look at the relevant pages but as for the rest I will not peruse hey Serge I have a problem and I would ask hold but since he's not back you came to Top Dog Terry smart move I've been solving problems all day long okay so you know that meth case that I've been working on for the last 2 months the department of sanitation police want to poach it from me because the drugs were found in a dumpster they're saying it's garbage related this is an easy one tell them to screw off see problem solved oh oh yeah well I did that and they threatened to make a formal complaint to the mayor then just let them have the case problem solve Rope Rope Terry I've been working on it for two months and those dummies are going to blow it right well you could partner up with sanitation problem solved r no headquarters won't allow it due to budgetary reasons okay okay okay okay you know Captain Hol was writing an instruction manual for his replacement in case he was was named commissioner maybe it could tell you what to do that's not necessary Top Dog Terry can make a decision and what would that be this Top Dog Terry one of a moment to think about it okay sir the kidnapper should be calling with his demands any minute if we can trace his location we can find your fuzzy boy that fuzzy He's fluffy we don't know what he is anymore he could be fuzzy he could be anything Raymond he could be scruffy now you've upset Kevin I hope you're happy why would I be happy I clearly just mixed up fuzzy and fluffy just you're fired I want your shield and your piece that seems a little extreme Jake is right thank you Kevin just suspend him without pay why did you ask for my help Gina lanetti spaghetti confetti Gina lanetti spaghetti confetti faster linetti spaghetti compen Captain Holt yeah can't you see we're in the middle of something sorry sounded like you were just saying gibberish back and forth Gina is helping me to prepare for a televised interview since the mayor has yet to weigh in on commissioner Kelly's Vigilant policing initiative I've decided to take my objections straight to the people and this gibberish is actually Gina jargon a world-renowned linguistic system that worked pretty well for Ellen musk Elon Musk Ellen musk season one winner of VH1's queen what what did you do to my cupcake this is yours why on Earth is your cupcake on my chair because it's very special to me so I can put it wherever I want this is your fault now you have to buy me a new Cupcake well this is outrageous you expect me to avoid oh I see mhm yeah you do the cupcake was Gertie yes your butt was Charles's car yes the chair was the parking space yes I get it your office was the garage yes I'm telling you I understand the lesson and I was the brilliant Gina lanetti in both scenarios all right we're done here okay you're a great Captain have no fear Mr rap is here and he will drink three beers I wish it would turn the radio down you think that's the radio that sounds like professional music to you all music after mer sounds exactly like that now I'm worried our night shift morale problem has gotten worse yeah you think I'm sorry I'm exhausted my wife says when I get tired I get night sassy night sassy hearing problems much sorry should I just go tell everyone to Buck up and do their jobs no the squad's only on night shift because they came down to Florida to save Jake and me it's my responsibility to fix this I'm going to brighten the Mood by telling a few jokes try this one onhas sizee I don't care for cheese I'm a kurd mudgin wow you're too tired for humor it's a loophole loophole high five loophole loophole loophole enough this is highly inappropriate did you also see where it states if you fail the evaluation you will be suspended I would have to take your gun and badge I'm not worried about that I swear to my personal Lord and Savior Steph Curry I'm ready I think you're rushing it's a bad idea doesn't matter I'm allowed to demand my own evaluation yes but as your commanding officer I choose the evaluator and I choose me wait what I'm a qualified member of the mptc I'll administer it all right fine I'll pass your dumb evaluation and crack this case Bring it on I will good good you're good but I'm better and I'm going to ace this thing before you can even oh wait wait wait what are you writing now sir what what are you writing now Charles what's your writing write something good write something write something good write something good write something we're just going to no just stop writing we're just going to leave we're going to leave just stop writing stop must it's good is it good is it good we're good to go sir write something good write something good Captain Diaz sent us the list of favors she needs us to do for her she didn't hold back first she wants us to move all her furniture into storage okay then file her taxes for really and then she wants us to type up an email these letters to Pento in Argentina are they sexual in nature crazy sexual but we can't say no she's behind bars and we made a promise right you're right oh also she's worried about her motorcycle sitting idle so she wants us to take it out once a day here I think you should do this you're more the biker type I've seen you use a toothpick in public motorcycles are death machines I have three kids I'm not risking it are you saying my life matters less because I don't conform to society's heteronormative child Centric ideals are you really playing the gay card right now go Queen hey Captain just wanted to say sorry about the whole in the wall I've already called maintenance okay anything else God you good you saw right through me I failed as a manager I couldn't deal with this overeager officer who kept pestering me oh you have an Amy yes I know we've been through it a lot today well you should have come to me I know exactly what it's like to be you you used to be an Amy no I never had your level of insecurity I was referring to managing an Amy of course well I'm not sure there's anything left to try no matter what I did he just kept interrupting me with all his own ideas were are they good ideas I don't know I didn't listen to them damn did you just solve it that easily yes I did the plan was for me to weaken your defenses of my Brazen sexuality I wouldn't say Brazen so much is completely undetectable I couldn't have been more obvious I wore single wind or not I might as well have a signor on my neck that reads DTF Desiring thorough fornication no exactly at first the flirting was just part of the rul it meant nothing to me but then the barrel Museum I fell hard not surprising it is an erotically charged atmosphere the curb of the slats the rivets the build the bung hole okay I'm actually starting to hear the sex talk now the bung hole is the least erotic part of the barrel it's simply functional sure sure sure sure sure bung hole continue but uh bo says you brought John to Charles last week that was on plan sure but now that the squad has all met her surely you can't object to her having some rice we Kev to me okay it's just that you can be a bit judgmental what the stupid thing to say name one time when I've been judgmental okay what a stupid thing to say oh I see mere seconds ago you gave him full immunity are you insane you told me to cut a deal I thought you'd maybe drop charges on one or two felonies but do you know how many crimes we're forgiving six that's not so bad 100 oh that's way more Grand Theft Auto Grand Theft Auto Grand Theft Auto dog fraud I saw a guy fake peing TW a cat you will not win me over with your use of twas twasn't trying to you're clearly friends with this man and you've lost your objectivity peral or have you lost your objectivity what are you doing my bad I thought we were leaving no I'm just making a point here sit down this is amazing spending time with your mother and your child childhood home oh the adorable baby pictures the embarrassing stories the founding father's under there will be no Underoos you want Commando that's enough okay this is a case I expect you to act in a professional manner not a personal one I know sometimes it's difficult for you to separate the two ah you're referring to the fact that I love making everything Prof personal copyright me yeah people love that around here especially Amy if you know what I mean wink finger gun perhaps boil is still Avail no no no I'll be good I'll leave well I have already set up my accounts and to toot my own bugle but I think I did an admirable job oh okay what's your handle I'll be your first follower it's at 5261 796 D6 e6420 486 F6 c74 it spells Raymond Hol in heximal code it's clever right Captain are you sure you wouldn't like some help with this oh no need now for my first tweet I think I should give an update on the water main break that's actually informative NYC H2O dmain sitre colon at 2 40 EDT current PSI 456 Max capap 20400 LPM suck on that tasty lemon drop Olivia Crawford oh look at that an alert I'm probably trending already what my account has been deactivated Twitter thinks you're a bot why I'm a human I'm a human male all right listen up uh you're not going to try to convince us mer was the original punk rocker again are you no the music is a classic counter Espionage maneuver I don't want to be overheard but since you mention it mer was one in your face bad boy right sir a witness just came in with her child while she was being interviewed I took the kid to the soft room and the toy situation in there is kind of Bleak is this your opinion or the child's opinion it's mine trick question any opinion about toys is a child's opinion all we have in there are toys from the movie Kazam and none of them are even Kazam I have an extra graphing calculator I could leave in there for the children this is certainly worth following up on Santiago take boil and work the case oh but Jake I mean detective Peralta brought in the per so good point uh Peralta and Bo can work the case actually sir I think we were kind of hoping we could work the case together oh are you two no longer smooshing booties yes that's exactly how I was going to finish my sentence figured we are still dating it's all above board HR gets daily updates and RBC seed on all our emails to each other that's why HR Jim keeps high-fiving me as a rule I don't put couples in the field together but you you are two of my best detectives so I will allow it just don't let any personal issues distract you from your work you have nothing to worry about there's no personal issues here we've never even had a fight it's true our only close call was when Jake didn't know who will Schwarz was really never heard of The Puzzle Master is this who you want to be with I shouldn't get involved good luck with the case thank you yeah um I just wanted to thank you for all your help yesterday I didn't do much it was nothing good day what's going on just very busy get back to work wait what do you have in there a balloon arch oh my God Captain she is magnificent Vindication my first question is why are the two of you doing this self- evaluation together Scully doesn't handle pressure well not to brag but Scully and I have a combined total of 14 arrests would have been 20 but we only got 14 that's not enough arrests well no one asked you it's a self- evaluation come on [Music] Scully this is a symbolic gesture I'm speaking to you as a friend not a captain and as your friend I have this braier you left behind in Marcus's room I've been your coo for 4 years by now you should be able to stand up for yourself even if that means telling me off you're right just say the word and I will tell you off okay tell me off about losing your pen oh right now okay well makes me feel pretty annoyed good go on it grates my cheese I mean it just really grates my cheese G oh Santiago you're faking faking what did you hear that g just admit it okay fine I was faking the whole time but I only did it because I wanted you to enjoy it that ruins it I mean it's supposed to be good for both of us it was good just because I didn't get angry doesn't mean I didn't get anything out of it yeah but the whole point is for you to get angry did you even get close what about your last seal could he make you angry well you know what I don't want want to know don't tell me I don't want to know Captain hold I need to what's going on my doctor said I should be more active but my squash Club recently transitioned to racket ball since I'm not a dope smoking hul and I decided to quit boyless teach me yoga jenev you got me into it you can't believe how many different ways I can wrap my legs around her six Captain if you wanted to be healthier why not come to me I'm ripped as hell Serge health is about flexibility and peace of mind and Bone strength not building vanity muscles vanity muscles I use all of these really even the large neck ones they help me sleep UPR right on airplanes well there's no reason to be defensive just because you don't have the bone strength of a yogi we all have our thing you're a musler I'm a boner Terry can do yoga Terry is a yoga Beast watch give me a yoga to do uh well we're in warrior pose now but I suppose for you we can start in child's pose Terry is not a child Terry is a warrior and that didn't sound good oh my God you still think forensic entomology is all blowflies and screw worms don't [Laughter] you it's a good one Santiago you should take the lieutenant exam hey Dr Ye has recently bred a species of fly that has increased sensitivities to Sur human proteins they can detect Trace Amounts of blood even if it's been cleaned with bleach or masked with animal urine oh I was building to that thanks for stealing my thunder this is nasty Terry hates bugs too many eyes and legs would you still hate bugs if I told you that there were thousands of Tiny Mites that live in your eyebrows and that keep them from being weighed down by oils yes Rosa was happy to comply so what now I'm just supposed to do anything that Rosa does and what if she jumped off a cliff if Rosa were to jump off a cliff she would have done her due diligence regarding the height of the cliff the depth of the water and the angle of Entry so yes if you see Rosa jump off a cliff by all means jump off a cliff you jump off a cliff gladly provided Rosa did first Jeffs will rondevo [Music] later sir I want to talk about Jake okay Amy help our foot fungus Heist has gone sideways Hitchcock not now Scully doesn't know I'm in here I stole his foot cream but then I lost it Amy you're the only hope I have of finding it you're a detective you're a detective get out of here go sir Jake really pissed me off and I want to help you take him down well that's an intriguing proposition you certainly could be useful thank you to Jake I got you Peralta you're not fooling anyone why does everyone think that's where a camera would be because the cleavage cloaks the camera with its curves that'll be all Spy sorry I said cleavage I've been walking the same beat for the past 3 weeks it's become a bit tedious I thought you love tedium I love monotony they're very different I'm sorry but you know our policy is that uniformed officers must walk the same beat for 6 months that's how they become familiar with the community they serve well surely you can make an exception for me I can't play favorites you never did when you were in charge of course I did really I never got any special treatment I think you can do the math here damn well think of it this way it's like doing reps at a gym doing something over and over again is how you make your packs pop the only muscle I care to work out is my brain then get your reps in and make your brain pop pop pop pop what you're describing is an aneurysm po locked out too many failed attempts I only guess once computer will now delete hard drive I got to fix this good you fixed it you think you're so great just cuz you always do what's good and right well I've got news for you you boring you know who else was called boring Andreas Mar and you know what he did he discovered zinc because you've used that one on me before because you're boring well if I'm so boring how come I have a lead come take a look at this this is security footage from the day the backpack went missing 11:00 a.m. the bag's over a chair now let's fast forward and see what happened to it wait that was 2 hours where's CJ during all this you have the right to silent come on tonight the guy's got good hooks I mean right wait who's this guy Flo must have sent someone to get the backpack and they just waled right in and took it out of the precinct oh CJ is in so much trouble you think that disapproving glare works on me after all the times I've seen it step it up find something new you boring he [Music]

Channel: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Views: 558,333

Keywords: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, brooklyn 99, b99, Stephanie Beatriz, Rosa Diaz, Jake Peralta, Andy Samberg, Detective Charles Boyle, Melissa Fumero, Detective Amy Santiago, Detective Jake Peralta, Terry Jeffords, Amy Santiago, Chelsea Peretti, Andre Braugher, Gina Linetti, Terry Crews, Joe Lo Truglio, brooklyn 99 i want it that way, brooklyn 99 bloopers, brooklyn 99 backstreet boys, brooklyn 99 funny moments, brooklyn 99 captain holt, brooklyn 99 cold open, brooklyn 99 full episode

Id: _C9wAp-U4PE

Length: 24min 11sec (1451 seconds)

Published: Sun May 05 2024