Best of DEMOTED Officer Holt | Brooklyn Nine-Nine | Comedy Bites

all right i'm seeing security cameras i need all that footage i need forensics to run a full sweep hey what are all these civilians doing here who's responsible for securing the area who screwed this up hi i'm officer debbie fogle i'm so sorry my partner's on crowd control i don't know where he went it's his first week on the job so he's still learning the ropes all right listen fogle we have a councilman in the hospital and his shooter is still at large we don't have time for this incompetence i want your partner off the case what's his name it's raymond holt oh it's dad i mean captain halt i mean captain dad i mean officer holt i mean officer dad yep that was it officer dad i found it detective i thought i saw our clue on the sidewalk i apologize for not properly securing the scene no need to apologize i wasn't even that mad you said you wanted whoever messed up off the case it doesn't matter the point is no one needs to get in trouble look you don't have to pity me just because madeline once demoted me for a year i've been stripped of my accomplishments and lost the respect of everyone in my life including my dog cheddar no yes now he only poops for gavin oh cyril officer holt i thought i stationed you not here right i'm just here in the plaza uh looking for um this a half-eaten box of mcnuggets yep it's my lunch uh-huh and what type of food is a mcnugget some type of uh paella you had to know that was a bad guess well the point is i needed my paella and i noticed the sky bridge so i thought i might be of some help but i'll just go back and stand next to a piece of police tape and do nothing wait stop how'd you like to stick around and assist on the case you sure jake i mean there's only room for one man hunter no boy's right i don't want to overstep you're not overstepping i mean he interrupted the song but whatever great i'll just leave my pie uh on the ground saving for later we all know that's not your lunch clear in the back copy all clear on the main hall clear clear the service road or quarter mile away is also clear hold on there's a pigeon approaching hold the mission [Music] true great work with that pidge officer detective switched to channel five anyone else getting a sense who's upset about the new captain coming tomorrow look there's no point in rebranding yourself for the new captain or should i say crafton because they're not going to be here for very long anyways remember proud to stop it i don't want to hear you bad-mouthing my replacement around the office do it surreptitiously watch this i hear the new captain's a pill popper they're on the way up everyone hide your pills what a gigantic turd agreed an unformed pile i don't know she seemed kind of awesome to me the thing is she can't be awesome cause she's here to replace holt but she said as soon as his year in uniform is finished she's moving on that's a pretty generous interpretation of what she said amy as soon as this year in uniform is finished i'll be moving on okay fine it's exactly what she said but she seems like a liar someone told me she's a pill popper pop-pop [Music] i'm off to walk my beat again much like sisyphus condemned to push the same boulder up the same hill day in and day out you know according to french philosopher albert camus sisyphus achieved happiness in that absurd repetition any french philosophy post russo is essentially a magazine you rube before we wrap up this briefing i wanted to give a few shout outs diaz great job on that b e you are a good cop with a great attitude i don't like this santiago when i think of your comp stat reports one word comes to mind wow and that wow is an acronym for wow oh wow what is happening he's buttering us up before giving us some devastatingly bad news my god jake and charles are dead jake and charles are not dead it's worse than that we have to do our annual hr seminar on workplace conflict tomorrow what already i know i got a bean to boil too santiago always tries to finish my sentences and frequently gets it wrong i do not and i am not wrong you do it all the time no i was going to say all the day long see frequently wrong who's ready to compete count me in i could really use this day off to spend some time with my husband please we all have loved ones you're not getting any sympathy just cause you're gay rosa i don't think he was no i was she saw right through me nevertheless i will destroy you all copy that i love your intensity so any idea who did it no but whoever it was had an intimate knowledge of our security systems it was obviously an inside job i bet it was brian why'd he say that because he once said he has a hot tub you know how that crowd is i don't know brian hit a hot tub that does sound bad yeah this is gonna take forever i actually took a speed reading course i tested at 800 wpm that's pathetic i tested at 802. that's pretty close to hold score no no 802 is incredible she poned me i read the entire urban dictionary so i could converse with the other uniformed officers finished it in 47 minutes i've never been so attracted to a gay man before and i dated several in college so we have a read-off santiago we don't have finger guards so we do it raw okay i normally don't encourage such childish competitions but this might help things go faster my only question is ho are you sure your old-ass eyes are up to the challenge i know you're just trying to motivate me but these old ass eyes will be reading your tombstone son this is ridiculous neither of you have even taken a bathroom break are you kidding me do you think world record holder howard berg would stop in the middle of a read-off to expel oh what's going on inside the yard it's nothing it's my guide finger got paper burn let me see santiago you're hurt don't be a hero damn you must have been cooking i was let's take a break put some ointment on that right and when i come back my finger's slipping all over the page nice try i'm not falling for any of your tricks oh but you already have while you were waggling your finger in the air i've been reading all this time out of the corner of my eye damn it what's this meeting about did someone find my meatball sub hey we would never have a meeting about that b you are holding it oh mindy good journey meeting's not over dummy terry said he has some news from the office of commissioner wunch ugh what does that human blister want now does she intend to demote me even further or perhaps she'll transfer me to the swamps of new jersey so i can patrol the sinkhole where she was spawned or it's possible the announcement has nothing to do with you oh good thank you peralta you're right maybe madeline wants to inform us all that she's a chooksy a what a chookson a korean toilet ghost lives in an outhouse wraps her hair around your throat and chokes you to death while you move your bowels you know what i will give you six thousand dollars if the announcement is she's a chookson okay everyone i have some news the madeline munch is a korean toilet ghost boring we already knew that madeline wuntch is dead say what now wait lunch is dead yeah the commissioner's office just notified us no way that's true as once says when she sees the old rent i'm not buying it sir she's dead oh terry zombies can't die this is some sort of scam if she were dead we would be hearing the sounds of children singing in the streets i don't know sir you didn't believe it when we told you that disco strangler died either and i was right he was faking it maybe she's alive why would once fake her own death same reason she visits mexico once a year and sucks the blood from all the goats for kicks look i don't know what to tell you but she's dead but what do you want to open up her coffin and check for yourself oh she's very dead ding dong the wunch is dead bagels for everyone so i guess you believe it now yeah want to see the selfies i took actually yes i'll share the album with you oh my god i just heard about lunch she was so young for a redwood tree uh i don't want to say what's going on why are you crying a person is dead i feel sad that's insane you don't feel sad when a monster dies in a monster movie in e.t do you feel sad when e.t dies yes he wasn't a monster he caused a real commotion it isn't just one i started seeing a fertility doctor and she has me taking hormones to help with ovulation and my emotions aren't overdrive well i know just the thing to cheer you up wunch is dead bagel bagel bagel sir i am loving this color on you but don't you think you should tone it down why in case i run into her family i'm not planning any trips to the bronx zoo wait does this mean you're gonna be captain again it does the chief of personnel called to say the promotion is in the works her death means i've won it's finally over [Music] an email from madeleine wanch subject line it's not over oh you must be feeling better here heating up your favorite meal beans they're refried it's bad enough they were cooked once let alone twice and now the toast arbor makes it three times i couldn't be crying for help any louder so i take it you couldn't get out of organizing wench's memorial oh no it's impossible she has bested me yet again well then stop being such a you idiot amy sorry it's hormones they're making me really irritable angry amy's right all you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial as god said when once tried to sneak past the gates into heaven it ain't happening honey i tried to write a kind speech about her last night and this is what came out oh it's like 20 pages long why is it in all caps so i remember to yell it oh well you obviously can't read any of this look since you can't say anything nice try saying the opposite of whatever you're thinking interesting i'll give it a whirl matlin wunsch was a friend see it's not that hard to say something oh you're vomiting you

Channel: Comedy Bites

Views: 688,258

Rating: 4.9484668 out of 5

Keywords: NBC, The Office US, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, Brooklyn Nine Nine, Michael Scott, Ron Swanson, Liz Lemon, Jake Peralta, Steve Carell, Nick Offerman, Andy Samberg, Tina Fey, brooklyn nine-nine i want it that way, brooklyn nine-nine bloopers, brooklyn nine-nine trailer, captain holt bone, captain holt best moments, captain holt marshmallow, officer holtzclaw, officer holtzclaw sentencing, officer holt brooklyn 99

Id: BzN8tbcCVrs

Length: 9min 45sec (585 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 05 2020