- [Griffin] Aw, Justin, bless. - [Justin] Bless? - [Griffin] Aw, bless, Justin. Bless your heart. Bless. - [Justin] What? I don't
understand this bit. - [Griffin] Blessings upon you, Justin. The name of the game is "Bless." [funky electronic music] - [Justin] My dude, this is the first in my entire life I've heard of this one. - [Griffin] Yeah, this is
probably the least I've ever known about a game before we go into playing it, aside from maybe "Second Life," and that ended up being an incredible, erotic awakening for me, so who knows what "Bless" is
going to bring to the table. - [Justin] I mean,
literally no one on Earth has ever heard of this game. Even the people who were making
it is like, "Okay, I drew my "millionth triangle, what is
this all gonna be when we--" - [Griffin] (laughs) "What's it gonna do?" - [Justin] "What does this do now?" - [Griffin] We've almost gone
gold on sacred, or, holy-- - [Justin] What is it? - [Griffin] What is it? Bless! - [Justin] Bless. - [Griffin] This one is "Bless." This a MMORPG that on Steam says-- - [Justin] Why? - [Griffin] Because... Online. And Steam says it's
mostly negative reviews so let's get on in-- - [Justin] Good, good, good, good, good. - [Griffin] Well
apparently it's pay to win but that's fine 'cause I've got money. - [Justin] Yeah, Unckey
Bucks left his credit card in our car when we peeled out (laughs) - [Griffin] Boy the computer
sure has a hard time ren-- I think I have reached
the point of obsolescence and I hate that "Bless" is
the one that's told me that. (Justin laughs) So this is dog child. I'm gettin' heavy
- ♪ Dog child ♪ - [Griffin] Gettin' heavy
"Black Desert Online" vibes from this. But we can either make them a devil or a, aw who would do that? We can see what the artist's intent is and this is an important discussion in the game space right now. - [Justin] Hold on, I wanna do
some math by this grid here. That's five across, and then seven down and then there's 30, so
there's two at the ... Hey there's 37 different
kinds of perverts on Earth. - [Griffin] I'm very
excited, you know how I get, I get jumpy. - [Justin] You get jumpy,
you start clickin' things without really thinking about, ooh. - [Griffin] Okay, the eyes can go in and that's extremely good. Ooh. Now we got, now
we're playing with power. - [Justin] I feel like... the uncanny valley is
a lot shallower for... - [Griffin] The dog children? - [Justin] For dog children. Or any like animal-human hybrid. - [Griffin] Let's just
check if girl form will-- No. - [Justin] That's the worst. I do like the fact that she's, I'm ready for her to sell me a Frosty. - [Griffin] Well, okay, this is dog adult. Nice try "Bless," you just
made 'em all grown up. That is one. Next. - [Griffin] Let's stat with this. Have we ever done a elf? - [Justin] I don't
think we've done an elf, that I can remember. We probably have, somebody's gonna-- - [Griffin] Show me your magic. Hmm, these eyes know the tree's wisdom. - [Justin] You went
straight from moochy lips to lips to eat beef with. - [Griffin] Mmm, I only
eat the forest's beef. (Justin laughs) The beef of the trees. - [Justin] You mean mushrooms? - [Griffin] Mushrooms are
my spore-filled tree beef. Mmmmmm. Mmmmmmm. - [Justin] Ugh. (Griffin smacks lips) I hate it when vegetarians put portobello on the grill and you're like "What're you having?" "Tree beef!" - [Griffin] Pretty hairstyles. - [Justin] A lot of pretty hairstyles. - [Griffin] I do like them. Customize the hair. - [Justin] What's that
fuckin' Judy Tenuta hairstyle? What is this?! - [Griffin] Hell yeah, that's super good! Holy shit, yeah!
- Right? - [Griffin] Motherfuckin'
Doug's sister up in this piece. - [Justin] Roseanne Roseannadanna, that's what I was tryin'
to pull, there it is. - [Griffin] There we go. - [Justin] A cultural reference
everyone can appreciate. - [Griffin] Yes, all of
our 19 year old viewers are very much going to enjoy that. - [Justin] Google it. - [Griffin] Scoot. ♪ Big, long, powerful neck. ♪ Okay, we do have slidey sliders, if we wanna get traditional on it. Ooh, that's a good one. Oh man, now her fuckin' nose is starting to look like some tree beef. - [Justin] Can I ask you a question? - [Griffin] What is it? - [Justin] Y'know how... (laughs) Y'know how... (Griffin makes slurping noises) If you put a million monkeys into a room with a million typewriters, eventually they'd write "Hamlet." You know that old thing? - [Griffin] Yeah, I think
it's a hundred. (laughs) - [Justin] I mean, if you think
about it, it's really one. It would just take a lot longer. I feel like it's like that
with sliders and the Joker. I feel like we're always just like-- - [Griffin] Oh, yeah, sure. - [Justin] You're always
just like x number of sliding movements away
from us doing the Joker. Like, I feel like we have... Aside from the Junker,
who is a Joker off-brand-- - [Griffin] Who is literally, yeah. - [Justin] Yeah. I feel like we always kinda default to Joker and work backwards. - [Griffin] Well, we could, let's go a different color, then. The problem is there's
only so many colors. - [Justin] Great point, Griffin, I keep saying this to
everybody and they say "No, there's infinite." I say no, there's, you're wrong. - [Griffin] There's like 12. - [Justin] There's like 12
colors, come up with a new one. - [Griffin] Or we can just
do this. (clicking sounds) - [Justin] Oh, we should
get that going as an effect. (Griffin imitates a didgeridoo) - [Griffin] Let's let God decide. God wants yellow. - [Justin] God wants
(laughs) take it, lord. - [Griffin] Brow depth exceedingly deep. (Justin growls) We've gotta cover up,
it's a powerful canopy for the wisdom that the eyes
have seen from the trees. Eyebrow color, is it gonna match the hair? Have you met us? (Justin laughs) - [Justin] I'm getting
a sense of a naturalist from this person. - [Griffin] Yeah, I'm getting that sense. - [Justin] They know about tree beef, they know about bush candy. (Griffin laughs) - [Griffin] They know about ground dirt. Do you mean dirt? - [Justin] No, ground dirt's nothing. Ground dirt is nothing. River skittles, that's something! (Griffin laughs) - [Griffin] Ooh, ooh, hello. You just know, that's what I love. - Just know
- Ooh, you just know! You just know! (Justin laughs) Just know! When you see it, you know. Wow, holy shit, I was like,
I was all about big iris. I was all about big iris,
and then I saw little iris, and I was all about that, actually. - [Justin] Yeah. - [Griffin] Eye distance, extremely. Eye rotation, yep. Eye width. - [Justin] Whoa. - [Griffin] Whoa! Yo! - [Justin] Whoa! - [Griffin] Yo! Hey! Yo! Damn, I could shoot visine up in that shit from fifteen feet away. (Justin laughs) Look at that, are you kidding me? What happened? - [Justin] Hachi machi. - [Griffin] Hachi machi indeed. Aw, and this is the important decision, the crossroads we always come to, is if we wanna put joy
in our child's life. - [Justin] I think this seems
like a joyful creation to me, I feel like it's what
we all need right now. - [Griffin] All right, you tell me when it's like a fun, wistful grin, okay? And we'll stop it right there. - [Justin] Yep. - [Griffin] Oh, wow, that
still looks pretty sad to me, but I'll take your word for it. - [Justin] No, no, no, she's-- it's in the eyes, she's smizing. - [Griffin] (laughs) Is
she, is that what that is? - [Justin] That's smizing. - [Griffin] Smizing means you
turn your eyelids into mouths, and you open them wide, exposing the precious jellies inside. Oh shit, there's more
teeth, we found more teeth! - [Justin] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - [Griffin] She can nibble
on one river skittle at a time like that. Ear. - [Justin] Whoa, those are big. - [Griffin] Yeah, these are big boys, huh? - [Justin] Go with the biggest. - [Griffin] And they can get bigger. - [Justin] Yeah, biggest
possible, I think. Good.
- Whoa, shit. - Yes!
- Whoa, shit! - [Justin] This is awesome! Whoa, whoa. I mean, with that hair, you gotta! - [Griffin] Can we put clothings on? Toggle the, well, now
it's just me and her. System settings, clothes. Detailed settings, advanced settings. - [Justin] On, clothes on. - [Griffin] Clothes... What if we turn the
shadows all the way up? Oh, maybe it can't load all
the models of the clothes. (Justin laughs) I don't wanna fuck with this, oooh. - Ooh.
- Oooh. - [Justin] That, the mascara really pops. - [Griffin] It is popping, yeah. - [Justin] God, I,
Griffin, can I say this, this never happens, I'm
getting like unnerved by the directness and intensity that she is bringing, like, out at me. - [Griffin] That's
because she's 75% eyeball! - [Justin] I bet there are some people who are uncomfortable with this level of eye contact she's bringing. - [Griffin] I think she's a naturalist, but she does not go for a natural look. She kicks ass! This rules! - [Justin] Yes. - [Griffin] Lens, oh yeah. - [Justin] Yeah, she's gotta have 'em. - [Griffin] She does have 'em. Ooh, whoa, cool, fuck yeah!
- Whoa, cool as hell! See, why don't? Can I just say something? Why don't they make video
games about this kinda thing that's happening here? Why don't they make video
games about this kinda person? Because this is a game. - [Griffin] This is a game right here. Lip gloss is poppin'. Yes, of course. - [Justin] Of course. - [Griffin] Shhh shhh
shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh. - [Justin] Thank you,
that's actually much better. - [Griffin] Justin be quiet. Quiet, okay? - [Justin] Do the hair
toss, check her nails. - [Griffin] Baby, how you feelin'? Screeeeee! (Justin laughs) Screeeee! Shhh shhh shhh shhhhh. - [Both] Shhhhh. - [Griffin] ♪ Too-ra-loo-ra-loo ♪ Okay. (Justin laughs) I need everybody to be
fucking absolutely quiet as we finish this up. (Justin laughs) Oh shit! Oh my god! - [Justin] God, she's right there! - [Griffin] That scared me so bad! - [Justin] Fuck! - [Griffin] Decoration. - [Justin] Fuck, this person rules! - [Griffin] Yeah, she's very,
very, very, very, very cool. - [Justin] Oh, that's rad as hell. - [Griffin] Yeah, she does
have (drowned out by Justin) - [Justin] We've almost
never created something that could pull this facial tattoo off, and she is nailing it. - [Griffin] She looks like
Princess Belda right now. - [Justin] (laughs) From the CD-i game. - [Griffin] (laughs) Yeah. This is the Begend of Belda,
from the city of Gyrule. What are you feeling on this? Okay. - [Justin] That's cool. The neck you ruined. - [Griffin] The neck is perfect
and I won't hear anymore-- - [Justin] I'm not happy
about the neck that you ru-- Ah? What, me worry? Whoa! - [Griffin] Damn, damn! Holy shit! She looks like the inside-out man that they would have at
museums that you learn-- - [Justin] Slim Goodbody,
she looks like Slim Goodbody! - [Griffin] She looks like
Slim Goodbody, holy shit! Yeah, that kicks ass. This is great, this is
great, this is great. Oh, you can't let me do this. You ain't gonna let me do this, are ya? I can do this. What do we want, big
butterfly, pretty butterfly? Is that her-- - [Justin] You know what I,
you wanna hear something bad? It's like I'm getting too invested in how radical-- - [Griffin] No, no, no, she's, this is still "Monster Factory" after all. - [Justin] I know. - [Griffin] The only problem is that this is the worst user interface in-- - [Justin] I've never
seen anything like this, you're moving this, like, along a grid and it is taking it as vague suggestions. Uh, not red, can we do
a contrasting color? I feel like it's getting a little sa-- Aww, man! - [Griffin] Holy shit,
that's her power butterfly. - [Justin] That's so cool. - [Griffin] Well now "Bless"
wants us to cut the flesh. Now "Bless" wants us
to desecrate the flesh. And I dunno, I don't think so. I mean, how big can we make 'em. - [Justin] (sighs) Fine,
how big can we make 'em. - [Griffin] If we gotta make
'em, let's make 'em big. - [Justin] (sighs) Fine. That's a cool scar, the one you have. - [Griffin] Well that's just
a big freakin' hole, isn't it? - [Justin] Bullet hole,
can't bring her down. GSW, unstoppable. - [Griffin] That would
stop, I think, most folks. But we'll hide it up in the hair. When you lift it in the hair, yeah, she did get brought back like a, y'know, like a magical Jon Snow. - [Justin] ♪ Spiritual sequel
to Harry P-- (cracks up) ♪ You probably did get it
just from reading them, but the entire time, Harry
Potter was a terribly scarred and tattooed elf with giant eyes. - [Griffin] So badly scarred. "I'm just like Harry Potter,
do you see my lightning scar?" Yeah, it's pretty grisly. And what happened to your fucking neck? "Don't worry about it." - [Justin] The whole
thing seems, like, wild. - [Griffin] Do we have too
much stuff on the face? - [Justin] I feel like the story might have gotten muddled
with a C-plot or two. (Griffin laughs) No.
- Why not? - [Justin] I hate it. - [Griffin] Lift hair. That's cool. - [Justin] It's not cool. I don't think it's cool, aesthetically. I don't think-- that's cool. - [Griffin] All right, yeah,
give me wrinkles in one zone. - [Justin] Right, those are her (laughs) Those are her confusion lines. And that just means that she's
lived a very confusing life. (Both laugh) Those are her squinting lines. - [Griffin] That's really good. - [Justin] She looks at the sun too much, that's one thing about her. I got, oops! It got Gaga. Oops, it got Gaga somehow. - [Griffin] Oh no, it
did get Gaga, didn't it? - [Justin] Why did the
wrinkles take it to Gaga? - [Griffin] I don't know,
she's not a wrinkled woman. - [Justin] What is happen-- But it did, right? - It did, yeah, for sure.
- You saw it, I saw it. We all saw it. - [Griffin] Wait, why does, hey, why does? - [Justin] Listen, the height's
gotta come from somewhere. And in this case (laughs) - [Griffin] Wait, for real though. - [Justin] That's where
the height comes in. - [Both] Okay. - [Justin] No, okay, all right, okay. - [Griffin] Wow, extremely
tall I actually quite-- I know it's our tendency
to make lil' morsels-- - Oh, I like this.
- but very tall I actually... - [Justin] I like that
she's got a kind of like Garry Oldman as old Dracula
vibe, with the hands. It's like very... - [Griffin] Oh, yeah, for sure. Yikes. Yikes. Breast height, yikes. - [Justin] Here we go. My favorite "Monster Factory" segment. (crickets chirp) Wait, no, not that one. (Seinfeld jingle) There we go. - [Griffin] (laughs) Jesus, Justin. What does this do? I guess adjusts the
height of the hip, but... If the hips are in there... - [Justin] I dunno, we
lost the hips a while ago. - (laughs) We lost the hips.
- We said bye-bye. Bye-bye to the hips. Whoa, whoa! - [Griffin] Yeah. - [Justin] That's actually
giving me a bit of vertigo. (laughs) She's a little
too high off the ground. - [Griffin] Oh, we can go further-- Holy fucking shit! - [Justin] Damn! This is good. This is a good video game. - [Griffin] Holy Christ! - [Justin] It looks like
you were making a Barbie and you ran out of plastic. - [Griffin] Oh my god, she beats ass. - [Justin] What is her name, though? - [Griffin] What's gonna get across, I mean, something like, you know, Galadriel, some sort of elf bullshit, but also gets across the fact that she is an eleven
foot tall Mrs. Goodbody. - [Justin] Mrs. Goodbody is kinda cool, except I think there was a Mrs. Goodbody. - [Griffin] Well what
about Tamatha Radbody? - [Justin] Tamatha
Radbody is the right one. Wow! You got it so fast, and it
makes me really delighted. - [Griffin] Thank you - [Justin] Usually there's a longer walk, but Tamatha Radbody! - [Griffin] Tammy to her friends. - [Justin] Tammy to her friends. Let's learn about health and the forests. - [Griffin] Savage Fighter? Well, no, she's got
the wisdom of the ages. All right, let's see what
"Bless" is all about, then. - [Justin] All right, then. - [Griffin] What if it's fuckin' great? - [Justin] Yeah, what if it's great and the critics got it wrong this time. - [Griffin] I hope there's
an introductory cutscene. - [Justin] Mmm. - [Griffin] "This is 'Bless'" - [Justin] "'Bless,' everyone
in this is a priest." - [Griffin] "This one's 'Bless.' "There's angels, they've fallen, "and you must save the queen." "In 'Bless,' you can kiss." (Justin laughs) "There's a kissing button." All right. I am glowing a lot. Wow, the game's throwing a
lot at me very quickly, huh? (Justin laughs) W-W is sprint, 'kay. - 'Kay, easy
- Good to know. QWES is move. Wait, QWES? QWES? Who uses-- who the fuck uses QWES? - [Justin] QWES. - [Griffin] It looks like
she's wearing leggings, but don't get it twisted,
that's muscles and bones, folks. - [Justin] Yeah folks,
that's where the bones be. - [Griffin] I like how for a
second, if you zoom in on her, the camera gets confused
because of her sort of ratios, (Justin laughs) and it zooms in on the kneecaps
for like a split second. It's like oop, no wait! - [Justin] Okay, yep, right, sorry! - [Griffin] Okay, let's zoom right in oh wait that's the knees! (Justin laughs) Let's go. - [Justin] That's where her
body should be at, I'm sorry. - [Griffin] Welcome to "Bless," hey I heard something
about an angel or a queen-- "Conversations can be initiated
by pressing the F key" - [Justin] That's what I'm saying. Welcome to the world, my name is Olier. No, they spelled it
right, that's how it is. My name? It's Olier. - [Griffin] Olier, come
to the knowledge academy. Stop jumping so high. It's the only way I can jump. (Justin laughs) Am I level four? Look at the UI down there at the bottom. I think I'm level four. - [Justin] It looks like,
yes, that says level four. "Our market research told us "the first three levels are boring." - [Griffin] "You're just gonna kill "some bugs and rats and stuff." - [Justin] (laughs) "And we skipped it." - [Griffin] "We skipped it, "now you're straight
on to skeletons, baby!" - [Justin] "We just skip to
the part where your dad dies." (laughs) That's the best
part of any of these. One chain, one chain, two
chain, three chain finish. - [Griffin] Finish! - [Justin] Finish, chain break. - [Griffin] Aw, I broke my
frickin' chain, didn't I? That's me, clumsy, breaking the chains. - Man, I love how the UI tells you that the chain is broken,
that's very helpful. - [Griffin] So if I hit 1, 2, and R, which makes a lot of sense for me, and boy, if I can just get
to level 19 I'll get that 3. - [Justin] (laughs) It's
just fifteen levels away. And with this game, who knows, it may, like, skip the odd levels. - [Griffin] Yeah, if I talk to Olier I might get, like, five levels. - [Justin] "Don't look up at
the stairs, it's the same me." "Hey, good shooting the
scarecrow, here's some baguettes." (Justin laughs) "I was gonna eat it for
lunch, now you got it. "Oh, you already got five? "Damn." (laughs) "Maybe you should give me
some baguettes!" (cracks up) - [Griffin] "Why'd you eat my
baguette if you have five?!" (Justin laughs) - [Justin] You got so
many, I'm stuck (cracks up) - [Griffin] "Now I gotta shoot
the scarecrows just to--" (Drowned out by Justin's laughter) - [Justin] "Lemme use your
bow real quick, I'm starving." - [Griffin] "Place the
snipe tactic combat stance "in an empty slot on the chain skill tab." (Justin exhales) Uh oh. (Justin laughs) Snipe tactics... - [Justin] Welcome to
the world of "Bless," do you wanna balance our taxes? - [Griffin] Select targeting ski-- Wow, this is a lot. - [Justin] (exhales) This is like the beginning of your game. - [Griffin] Press the 1 key to fire, press R to keep it goin', hold R, press the tilde key. Tilde, huh? Don't use that one very often. - [Justin] (laughs) Wow. - [Griffin] Activate lesser
demon in the knowledge aca-- - [Justin] What are you talking about? - [Griffin] Oh, I gotta
beat this dude's ass. - [Justin] I think he's your best friend. - [Griffin] Wait, I can't use it. It's in cooldown. Do something! I hit tilde. Tilde was the secret the whole time. (Justin laughs) - [Justin] Yeah, Griffin,
it's a very common video game key to press. - [Griffin] Fuck yeah, look how full of arrows this idiot is! (Justin laughs) I made that happen. - [Justin] And you made him. You brought him into this world, and then you took him right back out. - [Griffin] That was my son. - [Justin] Can you see Olier
at the top of the stairs? - [Griffin] I wanna get to a
place where I can see both. - [Justin] Or does she move? Maybe she moved. - [Griffin] She does not
fucking move, there's no way. Okay, she's gone from here. - [Justin] Okay, so she moved,
she just teleported I guess? - [Griffin] She was in both
places, we have footage. (dramatic music) - [Griffin] Wait, what'd
she give me this time? Whoa, fuck, what?! - [Justin] Damn, damn, what? - [Griffin] Guys, I just started! - [Justin] I'm only level (laughs) four! This is why you're level four, so you'd be ready for this. - [Griffin] Tilde, tilde, tilde, tilde! - [Justin] Aw, this is one of those you're supposed to die, gotta be. One of that classic "Final
Fantasy" supposed to die. - [Griffin] "Revive inside." Wake me up! ♪ Revive inside. ♪ What? Is this death? Have I been touched by an angel? - [Justin] "Believe it or not, "I'm the accessories merchant." (Griffin laughs) - [Griffin] "Would you like a bangle?" (Justin laughs) - [Justin] "It will increase
your attack percentages too." - [Griffin] "It will cost you "four and 99th of one American dollar." - [Justin] Why are you shining? Olier's back?! - [Griffin] Wait, what the fuck?! (Justin laughs) All right, let's go learn
about the tree of life. Olier, thanks for all your help, I'm gonna leave you with something. Stink bomb, boosh! (Justin laughs) Oh. Stay there, don't move. - [Justin] No wait, hold on. - [Griffin] For three seconds. Butt's not allowed! Hold up, butt's not
allowed but ass is allowed. - [Justin] Ass is?! (Justin laughs) What, what on Earth? (Smooth jazz cover of "Bring Me to Life") - Hey everybody, quick programming note, in the near future we're
gonna be publishing new episodes of "Monster Factor" just on the McElroy
family YouTube channel, so if you aren't already
subscribed to that, you'll wanna go ahead and do that. - [Griffin] Smash it, baby! - [Justin] Griffin, I asked you not to. I begged you not to. - [Griffin] Mmmm, smash that!
