Military Vets, What Are Your Best Boot Camp Stories? (r/AskReddit)

military veterans of reddit what are your best stories from boot camp basic training there are sooo many stories to choose from one of the funniest is who he had to salute every living being literally so I'm walking back from a met appointment I had when a squirrel crosses my path so I render a snappy salute and bark out a good morning sir just as an officer is walking across the street from me he ran across the street to investigate just who the heck I was saluting I responded the squirrel sir he said what the Freak you saluted a squirrel yes sir who's your company commander Petty Officer shanks sir okay move on dumb boss and stop saluting squirrels yes sir we had a kid in my boot camp platoon named Jackson the senior drill instructor was sergeant Jackson poor recruit Jackson was known as recruit laundry number 38 for the whole time because he didn't rape the name Jackson we had a private named [ __ ] the drill sergeant took one look at his name and said too freaking easy never mocked him for it the first couple weeks of boot are full of medical and dental exams and if you need a procedure you get it done right there tons of guys had their wisdom teeth pulled and we had one guy come back right before lights out with his mouth full of gauze and loopy from the drugs our D I called us all to the center of the room formed us up and then told us to sit indian-style on the floor and that recruit tooth he was going to tell us a bedtime story he pulled up a chair for toothy and then told him to tell us the story of the Battle of the monitor and Merrimack toothy mumbled that he didn't know the story so the DI told him to just make it up and for every fact that he got right we'd get to sleep an extra five minutes in the morning what followed was like a live episode of drunk history - any factual accuracy as best as toothy could recall the monitor was British the Merrimack was Old Ironsides and that in the end they shot the crap out of each other and everybody died by the end we were all dying laughing but the DI sat there stone-faced after tooth he was done di just stood up and said that is exactly how it happened well done got up turned off the lights and walked out in the barracks where I did my basic we had cubicles our bunks were separated by a half wall a my bed in the bed of the troop next to me were both against that half wall part of our layout for inspection was a specific set of gear on the bed one morning inspection our platoon Sgt decided that the bed layout of the troop next to me was utter crap so the Sgt flipped the mattress so hard it landed on my bunk covering my layout so after the Sgt finished dreaming out the troop next to me he takes one look at my bunk and starts reaming me out because apparently I think I'm special and deserve two mattresses one of the guys fell asleep during fire watch one of the drill instructors ambushed him and told him that he was now all dead so then he had to go around being a spooky ghost so he has to walk around with a sheet over his head booing and shaking everyone's racks it would have been hilarious if I wasn't so damn tired if I was sleep-deprived and saw some dude in a white sheet over my bed I wouldn't think he's a ghost I had the pleasure of witnessing this one myself at the end of the challenge the MT eyes have a table called the snake pit the MT eyes randomly pulled out trainees and questioned them on stuff we're supposed to know one day they pull out one poor sap from our brother flight it went roughly as follows ti training what is the insignia of the full Colonel trainee the insignia of the colonel is the bird sir TI what type of bird exactly trainee Commission to the just sir Ti adjust training then proceeds to set his trail their table put his hands up in the Egyptian post but with both hands outward turns his head to the side and says like this sir the onlooking Ti is nearly choked on their food while the questioning TI stared at him dumbfounded ly for a few moments before yelling at him to get his crap off of their table and get the Frick out of their sight oh that was probably one of the best times I've seen a TI at a loss for words brother was in basic and doesn't read it he was in the chow hall and witness to TI authority figure call-out someone who had placed their flashlight and their belt I guess you're not supposed to do that so that TR lights him up is that where you keep your freaking flashlight is it a frickin lightsaber Luke he made him stand at the end of two cafeteria lines holding his flashlight like a light saber and striking dead the Airmen that were leaving the two lines at one point there was a Laurant traffic and the TI screams oh so frickin lightsabers don't make noise when Theia motionless so old buddy as to make the B Zed Zed Zed Zed Zed hmmmm noises he waits for his next victim sir a Jedi doesn't activate his lightsaber if there isn't enemies afoot sir when I was in boot camp there was one evening near the end when the only drill instructor present at the time had to run C the one st sgt for some reason forcing him to leave us alone for a few minutes normally he would have gotten a drill instructor from a nearby squad beta frick with us the whole time but it was almost over and he was the junior di and not really into frick frick games so he simply said just don't frickin run around screaming naked he wasn't gone for thirty seconds before three recruits were galloping around but butt naked screaming looking back it was highly indicative of how the next five years of my life would be and an army vet one morning in basic training it was about midway through our three-month cycle and we will end up for breakfast Chow while waiting in line we had to stand a parade rest in columns of 2 an hour PT uniform we couldn't move or anything at the risk of being pointed out and screamed that the uniform consisted of somewhat black short shorts and a grey t-shirt that said army on the front well three guys in front of me had one of those no reason boners and the drill sergeant caught him as he was trying to move to hide it away he pulls him off to the side and starts screaming what is wrong with you private why are your private saluting in the Childline of course this yelling spread to the ears of two other drills and they came over as well hey battle come look at this pay it ease that crap as this was said they notice in one drill sergeant bent down face inches away from the full mask culprit and bellowed at ease private you better get that crap in check I entered into the building before I could hear anything else about it to this day I still don't know how the drill sergeants went through that without so much as a smirk I don't know what I'd do if someone shouted a tease directly at my morning erection nothing in life so far has prepared me for that after the first breakfast there we headed back up to the compartments to get ready for the day Eric yelled portside five-minute pump-and-dump I whispered to my bunk mate I need a little more romance than that chief overheard me somehow and got up in my face I had to follow him to the head then stand in front of the mirror point at the mirror and say your Mediate then point back at myself and then say no I'm an idiot forced to keep that up for thirty minutes we'll never forget most of the stupid stuff I did or said at basic in the Navy one time this guy decided that he will test out his newly stealth skills by leopard crawling up to a roo a massive Eastern grey male who was ripped as Frick he was from the city and had never really seen kangaroos outside of zoos he learned fast the seco section commander was in stitches whilst we pulled the ROO off him we had a drill sergeant make a private carrier branch everywhere she went so it would replenish all the oxygen she was wasting we had the guy named Fitzwater we called him fats water we weren't just calling him just cause he was fat he was he was a lazy piece of crap who was constantly pretending to be hurt to get out of work anyways he got Peter to Sunday and said if anyone calls me fats water again I'm going to tell drill sergeant immediately the drill sergeant walks in and goes hey what's up fats water a mother of one of the other privates sent him a photo of a drill sergeant trashing a locker with the letter saying hope your drill sergeant isn't as mean as this it turned out that it was a picture of our dual sergeant he had posted on Facebook that ended up going viral she was just looking up pictures of drill sergeants and it just happened to be him had a guy who liked to do handstands in the shower one of those how I make you look at my junk type douchebags he quit after someone karate-chopped his balls mid handstand we had the guy who didn't want to wake up one morning so the D s flipped him and his mattress on the floor plot twist B [ __ ] had gotten us all smoked horribly the day prior so one of the other guys sold his blankets to his mattress dude couldn't get out if he wanted to d s had to cut him out a woman in my company was from Africa she had a gradual degree in some science so she was very smart but some things were lost on her especially figures of speech when we were on the firing range we were told to keep the rifle up and down range meaning no matter what way you were facing the end of the rifle was in the air and pointed downrange she didn't get that and swung her rifle all over the place everyone hit the ground one if the drill sergeants yelled and asked her if her brain took a crap in her head she didn't understand that either when I was on Parris Island we were drilling on the parade deck and this one recruit kept freaking up our drill instructor stopped us stalked up to the recruit and started wearing him out gave him the classic di screaming in both ears spit flying smacking him in the face with his cover eventually the recruit broke down in silent tears started streaming down his face the DI took his finger wiped a tear from the recruits eye and licked it telling the recruit now I own your soul freakin intense one recruit in my platoon was getting I Ted and the DI took his soul then I crap you not the recruit responded with what soul sir the DI let him go get back online a cousin of mine was going through training for the Royal Australian Navy they have leader cadets amongst their ranks whom you must refer to as leader and no sir one of these leaders was prowling about and asked my cousin if he was all sorted out yes sir my cousin said on reflex what the Frick did you say cadet 20 push-ups right now my cousin you should know is a massive crap star couldn't help himself yes sir he says getting down to do the push-ups 50 freaking push-ups the leader barks the way he told me the story the timing was just perfect dot yes see ie ie ie AR so he had to do a hundred push-ups his arms gave out around seventy apparently later on they were doing open water survival training floating about in a blow-up raft in the middle of the ocean the leaders who were submerged below the raft in scuba gear would occasionally leap up and drag a cadet into the water to simulate being knocked overboard by a wave sure enough the Liebherr my cousin had crossed was under the boat he burst out like a shark seized my cousin by his collar and dragged him into the freezing water holding him down for longer than was probably necessary the leader eventually released him as my cousin was climbing back into the raft shuddering from the cold the leader asks him still think you're funny cadet as you can guess the reply was yes so he got grabbed and up pseudo drowned again immediately I guess he's a glutton for punishment he passed training by the way one thing that everyone must know about drill sergeants is that they are masters of wordplay I had one who loved making bets with any soldier he could they often were impossible to win such as offering doughnuts if half the platoon scored 300 on the next PT test when the average was only about 220 but we were determined to win one of his bets before we graduated so we took every offer he gave one such bet he made and I quote if we have no failures on our next PT test I will personally make you all chocolate chip cookies eager to prove ourselves and get something other than crappy DFAC food for a change we quickly agreed lo and behold the day after our test he calls the platoon into the bay as he grinned evilly from ear to ear he revealed with delight that we had no failures and that we had won the bet so I guess that means I'm making you chocolate chip cookies get into points and report to the PT field in five Mike's we looked at each other and confusion then look to him for clarification but he had already disappeared we form up on the PT field which was a massive pit filled with rubber chips des walks outside still devilishly grinning which was when we knew we had been duped he puts us at attention and walks around the side of the building for a minute returning dragging a garden hose he proceeds to spray the platoon as we stood helplessly at attention soaking everyone from head to foot once everyone was soaking and miserable we lo crawled the PT field up and back up and back on our stomachs on our backs on our sides getting thoroughly covered in the rubber chips our commander walked out and inquired what was going on without skipping a beat des replies well sir we made it there that if there were no PT failures I would make them chocolate chip cookies so now they're chocolate chip cookies the CEO stood and laughed for several minutes before calling out top and a few other drill sergeants to enjoy the sight of 50 soaking wet privates miserably dragging themselves across the field that was when we learned that you never ever truly win a bet with a drill sergeant Navy man here got a few great ones for everybody spring of 2011 hull birthing of the Chou together singing It's Raining Men when the rdc recruit division commander II four and above comes in and screams you swinging dongs got about 20 seconds before I come in and rain my boot up your butt large black navy chief eise Evan walks into our compartment on day and and says he's feels like making it rain oh god please no then before I could get ready he is already dropping people on the deck and making them too intense exercises he walks up to one recruit and asks him does chief like Hennessy or hypnotic Hennessy chief wrong you race his style like Jack Daniels n proceeds to turn up the PT on this individual next person is chief good at basketball or football basketball wrong chief is good at everything another time we were offered ice cream for supper one Sunday we all took the ice cream because well we frickin deserve it we knew we were going to pay for it so I got the bright idea to put all the rappers on my tray so we walk in a straight line to throw our trays away and the RDCs are looking for any signs of ice cream then they come to me as I'm throwing away the wrappers recruit did you eat 60 freaking ice-cream bars yes chief every one of them Paris island portside got to shower first starboard side next floor is wet from portside girls in one size fits all shower shoes in various states of undress trying to rip off our bras and undies because we have less than 60 seconds left to shower suddenly girls start slipping on the wet floor once the first girl went down we all went down piling up on each other picture wet naked panic with our drill instructors yelling as the background music not sure if genuine military experience or P movie opening couldn't pee during the drug test had to stand in front of my platoon drink a whole canteen and yell peidong pee while scowling and making a disappointed face at my crotch probably the only fun night I had was basic was about in our third week we were out in the field doing training and staying out in the woods for a week and one of our drill sergeants came up to us and told us he wanted us to steal the other company's guide on flag the company uses to identify themself in front of formations he equipped us with duct tape and rope told us to give them hack once it became nightfall and soldiers had went in their attempts to sleep we made our move we sneaked through the tree line and a vent found their night guard we tackled them both to the ground and duct tape their mouths shut then moved to a tree and tied em up the search for the guidon began we went through a bunch of tents tie in and sacking people until we finally found it once we got it we ran back to our area and handed it to power drill sergeant in reward the following Sunday of us getting back he let us sleep two hours in which is a huge thing when you're always sleep-deprived there was a recruit who I'll call private P on the first day of basic training our company was being briefed by the battalion commander and sergeant major private P stood up and announced that he wanted to quit what followed was an absolute crap show they wouldn't let him quit and from then on he was a target of abuse from the drill sergeants and fellow recruits over time his behavior became more and more concerning he always just stared off in space wouldn't talk to anybody and if anybody made fun of him peed him off he'd pull out his notebook we were all required to have one and write something in it one day after we had been at the rifle range to practice for qualification we were inside the barracks conducting weapons maintenance when our senior drill sergeant told us to get the Frick outside ASAP we were put in formation and ordered to strip down for a search shakedown obviously we asked what was going on in one of the senior drill sergeants held up a live round live rounds are never ever supposed to leave the range in basic training and grabbed private P and brought him in front of the company he was crying and the drill sergeant started screaming at him we still didn't know exactly what had happened and then the MPS came and took him away turns out he had smuggled six live rounds and he had written in his notebook his plan to kill his three platoon drill sergeants our company commander and first sergeant and himself we speculate that he was never going to go through with it and just wanted to get kicked out but you never know but that was the last we saw or heard of him this is like a full metal jacket alternate ending you've been visited by the good sleep oinker you will be blessed with cozy restful sleeps but only a few comments sleep tight porker if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: Updoot Studios

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Id: Wz6TRfp-7JI

Length: 19min 7sec (1147 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 07 2019