Military Punishments That Are Hilarious (r/AskReddit)

military personnel offered it what's the best weirdest funniest punishment you've seen handed down by a superior USMC boot one kid on fire watch failed to notice a DI coming on deck which means you immediately salute and report your post so the DI ran up to the rifle rack smacked it and yelled BAM you are dead he tried to respond it was cut off by the DI your ghost now you can't talk go act like a ghost then the kid had to wander around the squad bay for the rest of his two-hour fire watch acting like a ghost and he took that responsibility with a stride plenty of ridiculous oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh I'm a ghost noises and freaking with people's racks we were all laughing our asses off for the next hour till our senior got beat marine boot camp we had the guy that somehow got his watch through the in dock they take all your crap when you first get there well the DI is found out he had it when they saw him wearing it one day so they put him in the squad bait trashcan and put the lid on it every time they walked by and kicked it he'd pop out with his watch in DL so the time on Dec is zero 9:45 and then go back into his can like the freakin Grouch from Sesame Street it was really really hard not to laugh at that during my first deployment to Iraq as a point 5 0 Cal gunner I had a salty sergeant for a team leader dude had been at the tip of the spear for the Iraq invasion been to Baghdad in 2005 and now he was back for his third time in 2007 not only was he intimidating but he knew how to discipline your butt if you stepped out of line I was a stupid young private first class with about a year in the army I knew what was right and what was wrong and thankfully was able to get on his good side our driver though nut up he was a short [ __ ] specialist with a crustash who recently did four years in Korea this dude was so off he even re-enlisted for it when his first stint was over dude was just fricking weird and gross always had an excuse for everything nothing was ever his fault he loved trying to pass the blame down my way mostly because he outranked me our sergeant normally knew what was up and correct hit him accordingly well during a convoy security mission one day in southern Iraq just outside of Joanna he hit a pothole like a big one probably 20 L X 20 W our sergeant flips the freak out asking what the heck he was doing the driver tries blaming it on me saying I never let him know it was there since I was the gunner I had to make everything aware to him because I was the eyes and ears the sergeant choose him the Frick out saying it was the drivers dang fault he didn't avoid the pothole since I was up top scanning for threats but we were the lead vehicle so it's not like this puffle was obscured by anything especially since it was in broad daylight the driver then starts saying I don't know sergeant I couldn't see it because I'm short he wasn't that fricking short guy was maybe five feet seven inches give or take an inch he wasn't paying attention and that's what the sergeant wanted to hear because it was the truth well this irritates the Frick out of our sergeant and he calls for the entire convoy something like 20 semies 6hw m MV s and 2 m 1117 ASVs to halt he then tells me to pass down an empty point 5 0 Cal can I do so with the quickness the sergeant then passes the can to the driver and makes him use it as a booster seat the driver protests then my sergeant gives him a direct order to do so the driver backs down and does it at every gate to every base we approached my sergeant made the driver open the door and show every guard what he was sitting on then he was then forced to sing I'm a little teapot me oh my I sit on a high chair sir we don't blow up and die most of the guards just laughed their butt off a few radioed for other guards to come see it he was the laughingstock of our battalion for months a recruit in USMC boot camp thought he was special because he was an Eagle Scout the drill instructor picked up on his enduring PT took him into the woods and made him build a nest then he had to squat over it in order to keep his eggs warm I was once greeted by the watch on the quarterdeck with welcome aboard I will not jack off in uniform when we were heading to Iraq we had to pass through kuwait kuwait being the transient hub for soldiers heading to and leaving Iraq it is very chaotic as a result of jet lag in the chaotic nature of Kuwait my buddy had brought his weapon to the shower but forgot to grab it on his way back to the tent shortly after he left a sergeant came bursting through the door to see him sitting on his cot messing around with his new video camera he had just purchased to bring on the deployment his punishment was to get up take his weapon and camera and go sit in the community shower area and make sure no one else leaves their weapon in the shower for the night so what you would see when you went to take off your clothes to get in the showers a fully dressed guy with a video camera just sitting there looking at you there was a time when we made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks it took the poor guy all day week one in army basic training we had a soldier ask for an omelet in shell line which was not allowed because there was absolutely no time to make custom omelets for every single basic training soldier the cooks started making the omelet when a drill sergeant asked what the heck was going on the basic training soldier replied go around drill sergeant I'm waiting on an omelet needless to say this was the wrong thing to say and do week one in basic training our platoon motto was henceforth go around drill sergeant I'm waitin on an omelet and the basic training soldier was henceforth named Pvt omelette in the Marine Corps when we really flicked up we would go fishing it is where you squat down like you're sitting in a chair and hold a shovel out in front of you in the air like a fishing pole then you just sit there for a long time and if the shovel would start to droop down my sergeant would grab the tip of the shovel and starts to shake it and make me pretend I was reeling in the big one one time me and a buddy got in trouble together so they made him fish and me flop around on the deck like a fish he had already caught for almost an hour I saw the guy be forced to slow dance with a mock for one hour straight we had a waiver soldier that couldn't be smoked via PT and couldn't stand for extended periods during work dude was a huge Frick stick always mouthing off and being lazy we had him sit in a camping chair and fill ten sandbags with a tablespoon we were deployed in Iraq and a guy was peeing in water bottles instead of walking to the bathroom at night this is a common thing if this guy wasn't getting rid of the bottles he'd keep them underneath his cot for some reason when the first sergeant found this out he made the guy report to the commander while holding all off his pee bottles in a box in front of him they tore into this guy while he was holding a box of his own own urine gun basic dropped the biggest turd you've ever seen in the commode so he shows the drill sergeants who then make him suit up in full combat gear weapon and all and guarded all night at the holy halt who goes there pretty amusing seen a guy on a full body waver for exercises the instructor gave him 1,000 smiley frown ease smile then frown is one the hardest easiest exercise ever I just did about 50 of them and didn't realize what I was doing until my coworker called me out on it he thought I was having a stroke a private put his camo on looking like gene Simmons he had it on for an hour before the drill sergeant put him upside down in a tree shouting I'm a chameleon no one can see me Navy basic training all of us are doing push-ups when the instructor says down everyone counts when the instructor says up one guy in particular the screw-up is told to shout would you like fries with that the instructor told him to get used to it cause that's what he's gonna be saying for the rest of his life inst down us one inst up guy would you like fries with that inst down us two inst up guy would you like fries with that there was a pool of Tears from laughter on the floor below me I wrote a bad check while stationed in Korea two dollars and six cents over the limit my punishment to cut the parade field grass with scissors by morning I was an agenda mixed company in basic the third floor of the barracks was split with females on one half and Mills on the other males were not allowed in the female half and vice versa my platoon was out back practicing throwing grenade bodies and a window on the female side log the third floor opened and a male sneaked out of the window onto the ledge it was immediately obvious to everyone including our drill Sgt that he had been and they're messing around with a female and a drill Sgt must have come down the hall forcing him to get out onto the ledge so he wouldn't get caught our drill Sgt looked at the guy for a minute and then yelled really sarcastically don't do it private you have lots to live for then they put him on suicide watch and made him hand over his belts and tie and shoelaces and everything that he could hang himself with and made him drag his newly bare mattress out into the hallway next to the fire-god desk and sleep out there every night until we graduated four weeks later and they made his battle buddies sleep on the floor next to him for the first week officers can't punish soldiers with any punishment lab doesn't follow guidelines that said they can be ordered some stupid things my friend got ordered to move a box weighing about 50 pounds from the barracks to the shower every two minutes for two hours the officers reason for it was because he didn't know where to put it and was trying to decide if it should be if the barracks of the shower in the end he ended up telling him to load it up in the truck that sounds like a very creative way to punish somebody another oldie but goodie is making a private hug a tree it all depends on how you take it some privates thought it was funny to have to hug a tree but for some reason some of them thought it was really embarrassing having to apply suntan lotion to a crap-ton of large rocks so they don't get sunburned then having to flip every Rock and reapply as needed when someone got caught going the wrong way or cutting in the shower line in assert basic for infantry the drill Sgt s would make them wonder about that [ __ ] random repeating beep beep wrong way it was totally quiet otherwise and they seemed like broken robots I once spent 12 hours cleaning screens on windows that doesn't sound bad does it try this find a small wire about the same gauge as the holes in your window screen gently push the wire though the hole in the screen to make sure that the hole is empty repeat for three minutes then look away from the screen anything weird with your eyes try it for hours had a guy in a warehouse drop a pallet load of assorted nuts and bolts off a forklift boxes broke open a 100 thousand little nuts and bolts everywhere of various sizes he had to sweep them into a pile repair the boxes fit each nut to a screw to make sure of the size the pile was then inspected then he had to remove each nut and the screw and place the screw in the proper box then placed the nut in the proper box probably 25 or 50 per box I don't remember doesn't sound too bad right took 3 12-hour days he wasn't allowed to sit down he had to bend over at the waist pick up a tiny nut and screw straighten up screw them together then bend over for another but more than 100 thousand times think about it during an inspection in basic training a piece of Lynch was found in our dryer I ordered to handcuff the intruder and construct a detention facility where the intruder could be interrogated I was to have an in-depth report on who he was where he was from and what he was doing in the building my grandfather career vet had a story about a guy who kept getting things taken away from him as punishment apparently before it was over he had no socks or shoelaces no underwear and they took the inside part of his helmet eventually they removed one of his kidneys my brother told me that when he was in basic a drill sergeant yelled like this guide to beat his face meaning to do push-ups said guy had no clue admit that and promptly punched himself in the face really really hard and fell to the ground the drill sergeant had to walk that one off and my brother said you could hear him laughing hysterically as he walked behind a bell another from basic was a private was caught walking to the showers without wearing his clothes just holding his towel and walking nude the showers were in the same Bay and it was just males of the bay build a female drill from another platoon came in and saw him and made him drop and give 50 push-ups while nude and a fetish was born a buddy of mine had addy either would make anyone who did anything stupid Chuck a smart water in case it helps a guy I worked with had a habit of falling asleep at his desk he was a real scumbag unfortunately he was also a one-star general son they made him sit at his desk with one of those exercise yoga ball things the sucker still fell asleep but he would hit his head on the desk or fall over he also decided to tell his supervisor he had an appointment but instead took a nap in his room they called the cops on him and had him arrested for dereliction of duty fun stuff got caught on basic with my iPod and I ran around the camp for near two hours with my ipod over my head shouting I'm a stupid frickin my iPod in the field of the enemy was attacking our camp I then proceeded to put my iPod in a plastic bag then taped it onto my helmet and from there on I responded to private iPod when my instructor shouted play I had to sing skip I had to switch song etc it lasted two weeks even during the night when I had 1/2 hours to sleep play any barbie girl private I was once in the Navy stationed at Kings Bay and Navy submarine and training base in rural southern Georgia USA a stone's throw away from Florida due to the this base may or may not contain nuclear weapons there is a marine security detachment battalion something stationed there as well the majority of these poor sods were just out of marine kill camp and were hot and heavy to go off to midlist astern and shoot them some towelheads unfortunately they'd landed themselves in a swamp in rural southern Georgia needless to say they typically made very poor choices their superiors however normally disciplined them well amongst the punishments I witnessed were the following one a group of Marines had decided to play soccer with an armadillo killing it they were forced to perform a full military funeral for the poor creature then stand on a guard at its grave for a week 24 strokes seven in full dress uniform in the middle of the summer remember this is in a swamp in southern GA - I happened to be out early one Sunday morning chain-smoking and drinking coffee outside of the Navy barracks when an interesting sight came by but there were 13 Marines 12 of em were running and carrying a telephone pole on their shoulders 6 in front 6 in back the 13th man was in the middle of the pole hanging from it doing pull-ups as the telephone pole was being carried by the other 12 running Marines after a certain number of pull-ups he would swap with one of the carrier's 3 speaking of this base may or may not contain nuclear weapons the Marines had to do regular patrols driving slowly around in hnm wvs or armored cars around the storage bunkers and the base at large apparently there was a problem with the Marines in the vehicles falling asleep and running off the road a brilliant and Co had the following great idea only one marine would be in the vehicle whilst the other marine would be running behind it if the vehicle that - start swaying off the road the runner would awaken his driver comrade and they'd swap it didn't take long however for this plan to fail patrol vehicle went off the road crashed and the Marine running stayed the course smacking into the back of the vehicle and rendering himself unconscious in the sámi basic training one soldier lost his canteen and asked the drill sergeant if he had seen it the drill was angry at this for some reason and made the privates wander around for a few hours asking all kinds of inanimate objects if they had seen his canteen sell things like truck have you seen my canteen saw a drill instructor USMC have a recruit find Iraq name a dignity and then throw it poor saps spent the next three hours asking people if they've seen his friend dignity and walked around calling out for it I have an opposite story where we punished our superior when I was in South Korea in the mid-2000s we had an absolutely seal the left tenant he walked around like his crap didn't stink fort he knew everything there was to know pretty much like most he'll tease one weekend a bunch of us were walking back from the PX loaded up with beer and snacks for the weekend like each others had at least a case of beer and a few bags each hands were totally full our Lt walks past us and we nodded and said sir instead of saluting most officers won't make you put down all your crap just to salute at least the good ones but this guy flips out about us not saluting and proceeds to PT the Frick out of us for about 30 minutes after that it was on any time we saw this guy we would grab everyone we could form a line with about 20 feet distance between each person and walk towards him he would have to salute every single one of us it didn't matter where he was when we saw him we had about 20 soldiers beelining towards him just to salute the best was when he was on his cell phone cause he would have to put it down every 10 seconds just to salute all of us this went on for about three weeks him saluting everyone all the time every single day but he finally got tired of it and asked us not to salute him anymore - guys were grab-assing in formation we were downrange doing some field training exercises and our drill sergeant caught them he made them hold hands together all day also assigned them as battle buddies for the day so they had to go everywhere together he told them that anytime another drill sergeant asked why the Frick they were holding hands they were only allowed to say one thing he told them to shout it because we love each other drill sergeant this is the goodest flyboy he will bring you ten years of happiness in exchange for a like on this video if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people you [Music]

Channel: Updoot Studios

Views: 379,282

Rating: 4.9412222 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, military, military officer, people reveal, best of, boot camp, reddit funny, drill sergeant, askreddit stories

Id: bJBtUs4GJnA

Length: 19min 22sec (1162 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 09 2019