Mike Lindell’s Patriotic Crap, Jim Jordan’s Relentless Stupidity & Matt Gaetz’s Shady Venmo

i'm jimmy i'm the host of the show thank you for watching you know we uh we did this show from hollywood in the state of california where as of today any person over the age of 16 is eligible to get the covet vaccine this is interesting did you know the vaccine is only half as effective if you don't post about it on instagram if you're 16 tick tock but you get the idea unfortunately just over one in five americans say they will not get the vaccine same number as dentists who don't recommend sugarless gum and another 12 percent say they're going to wait to let everyone else get it to see how it goes i guess i understand people being skeptical about putting a new kind of medicine in their bodies but the truth is we don't know anything about anything we put in our bodies we eat hot dogs chicken mcnuggets do we drink mountain dew code red now suddenly we're all jessica alba all of a sudden or organic in my veins only thank you and the other thing is it's free the vaccine is free we love free stuff i worked for many a radio station in my life i know most americans will take the day off work to get a key chain for free and yet oh i tell you what this poor dr fauci uh he must be beating his head against the wall dr fauci appeared today before a congressional subcommittee on covet 19 and was forced to endure the relentless stupidity of a shaved ape from ohio named jim jordan what measure i mean are we just going to continue this forever when does when does when do we get to the point what measure what standard what objective outcome do we have to reach before before americans get their liberty and freedoms back you know i you you're indicating liberty and freedom i look at it as a public health measure to prevent people from dying and going to the hospital you don't think americans liberties have been threatened last year dr falchi they've been assaulted their liberties have yeah you know who else was assaulted those wrestlers when you were their coach at ohio state i guess that you that you didn't notice but go on for sure when we get the level of infection very low it is now at such a high level there's a threat again of major success first amendment rights have been completely attacked you're right to go to church you're right to assemble your right to petition your government freedom of the press freedom of speech i've all been assaulted listen meathead first of all dr fauci hasn't assaulted anyone all of a sudden he cares about people being assaulted and secondly doing squats at 24-hour fitness doesn't make you a health expert look i've said this before and i think it's worth repeating all the doctors tell you to wear masks and be careful and that the vaccine is safe so if you decide it isn't well that's fine don't get it but you're not allowed to go to the doctors anymore why would you they don't know anything go treat your gonorrhea with witch hazel and a cotton swab dr fauci this guy has been doing this forever he's giving his very educated opinions the closest jim jordan ever got to being an infectious disease expert is contracting scabies on a wrestling mat i mentioned last night presidents biden and obama are headlining a star-studded prime time special this weekend to try to encourage americans to get the vaccine which is so crazy we wanted it so much and now we won't get it this is the first time in american history celebrities and politicians have come together for a say yes to drugs campaign i'm not sure how effective it will be most of the people who won't get it don't support joe biden or barack obama but guess who did get the vaccine this week none other than former first daughter ivanka trump she wrote today i got the shot i hope that you do too thank you nurse torres which is good i'm glad she did it and posted about it but the comments under her post are nope not doing it hard no pass you're joking right and i never will what a solid fan base this is which is it trumpsters does donald trump deserve credit for the miracle vaccines or are they useless it can't be both of those things meanwhile there are new details in the uh sordid saga of future former florida congressman matt gates yesterday we learned that gates was involved in more wild house parties than kid and play in the 90s he reportedly [Laughter] there were drugs and sex at these parties where women were given gifts and money in exchange for their participation much of it paid through venmo so the daily beast got their hands on venmo transactions from this guy joel greenberg one of gates's closest friends greenberg is now cooperating with authorities which is bad for matt gates presumably as a result of more than 150 payments made to dozens of young women at least 16 of those payments were made to a woman who later dated matt gates and the notes on these venues you know when you put the notes on venmo they're ridiculous three payments for 500 500 250 labeled ice cream five other payments labeled salad one of those salads cost more than a thousand dollars i guess they added avocado two of the transactions were for stuff and other stuff and let me just say this it's bad enough that matt gates is implicated in doing stuff but other stuff that's outrageous and of course we know about all this because stupid joel greenberg made his venmo transactions public as did matt gates they didn't check the privacy box what's the opposite of a criminal mastermind meanwhile this is the kind of political scandal they've got going up north in canada yesterday a member of parliament which is canada's equivalent to our house of representatives accidentally exposed himself on an official government zoom meeting his camera was on he didn't know it and everyone saw his canadian bacon which is there he is this is the canadian version of storming the capital of course he apologized uh of course he apologized he's canadian he would have apologized whether it happened or not but can you imagine if this happened here if jerry nadler started swinging his thing around on camera can you imagine that guillermo they will put him in jail well i don't know about that no why did i even turn to you all right um let's get back to the united states there's i know there's a lot going on um but i really don't want to lose sight of what the my pillow guy is up to starting today mike lindell is offering special vip access to his new social media platform his new alternative to twitter but in order to qualify as a vip you have to have a cell phone number and that's it but it's so it's not for everyone but lindell said he spent millions of dollars on the site and you can see from the web design it really shows it's looks like the website for a company that provides in-flight wi-fi for discount airlines it's called frank the voice of free speech or the big red f just like the report cards of everyone on it you think donald trump will join frank you know no isn't it like who the hell is frank why isn't it named donald i don't and on top of frank i mentioned this the other night mike lindell is also launching an online store that he hopes will be bigger than amazon hello i'm mike lindell the inventor of my pillow for years entrepreneurs and inventors have came to me with products and ideas and they don't know how to market them or i haven't had the time even to show them and now today i am proud to announce this platform called mystore.com i am going to put vetted products from great entrepreneurs up here like you see a sampling of them here today that are going to change this country we're finally going to see these great products and get the and be able to um get these great entrepreneurs their their great ideas out to you the public finally a way for businesses to sell their products on the internet this could be huge on my way into work today i figured out who the my pillow guy reminds me of there's always been some only people who live in la will get this but he's the he's the minnesota version of this guy the uh accident right and one day i'm gonna crash right into him just for the hell of it anyway obviously i need to know more about my store so we got in contact with mike lindell himself and he is joe oh there he is he's joining us now uh mike lindell everybody there's mike mike somebody's in here i told they was told i could use the laundry room till midnight rosa linda come on you hear me mike mike what who the hell is in my machine mike nobody's in your machine it's jimmy kimmel you son of a where are you i'm uh i'm in l.a uh thank you though huh russia linda please ron said i had the room for 20 more minutes oh i don't know who ron is where are you what is that room i'm at the shipping and receiving dock for my new business my store uh yeah well then it looks more like a laundry room than a store it's multi-purpose oh it's also the laundry room or the motel 6 that i live at oh let me tell you jimmy it's not safe for me to go back to minnesota the deep state has their assassins after me just today i found this bullet oh my god my pillow oh my god it's a message that they want me dead wait a minute that doesn't look like it does it looks more like that's a double-a battery i think that you've got there no hi yet i guess it is okay must be why the walkman stopped walking yeah that must be why look mike i i don't think anyone's trying to kill you i mean i find that hard come on jimmy open your mind if i'm not being hunted then why have i spent the last five months eating ding-dongs from vending machines i i don't have an answer for that mike i don't know i really don't know but i just wanted to talk to you about your new business venture my store which what makes you think you can compete with amazon i'll tell you because my store is superior to amazon for a whole lot of reasons number one do you know you can't buy an individual pancake on amazon no i didn't up there that's the solution i do not know that number three amazon is owned by jeff kresos and the deep state and we are no longer supporting those products i recruited patriotic entrepreneurs from dog tracks all across this great land and we're making our own stuff like what what kind of stuff are you making like saudi pop oh as you know donald trump says no more cocoa so we have made freedom fish oh all right you know what they when they bathe the veterans down at the va hospital they just throw the bath water away that got us thinking what's more patriotic than veterans bath water so we filled up a can we added a little sugar to and some nicotine to spice it up an alka-seltzer tablet for carbonation voila freedom fit oh well that is genuinely upsetting mike don't go for it you're more of a coffee guy are you yeah i guess so well then grab yourself a big bag of carb bean brew what it's a hundred percent pure texas gunpowder from shotgun shells confiscated by the state fish and game commission there it is yeah oh wow god good good good tasting did you do did you just drink hot gun powder yes i did and i feel like i could chew through a chain-link fence i haven't done that since the first time i escaped rehab back in twenty with your family oh i guess that's another story for another time okay yeah yeah yeah all right okay uh hey do you want to see some more yes i would love to see more okay i'm starting to like you kimball you gotta you gotta you're hey can i ask a quick question are you eating packing peanuts right now as hell i am jimmy are those even edible i don't know but they plenty they got a lot of vitamin p okay all right all right you're gonna show me something i guess right let's get back on track okay one of our best sellers it's for home defense it's a pillowcase and it's full of wasps wow looks it feels like an ordinary mind pillow if you're lying in bed and an intruder climbs on top of you and tries to put his braunschweiger in your b-hole then you just shake it up and you look fine who the hell is who is rosalinda robo she's a great gal don't get me wrong doesn't speak a lick of english spiffy if you can make it we're getting married on tuesday jimmy oh wow congratulations i love a tuesday wedding i'll put you down for a plus one and i'll send you five of these wasp pillows and that well oh son of a yeah you gotta allow 15 to 35 weeks for delivery please please don't mail me wasps mike i don't too late there's no cancellations we don't believe in cancelled culture okay rosalind is going to kill me she's got to wash my rabbit costume i got a little hot mustard on the spot where you pull your dinger through i'm coming honey how about that yeah good job he did a good job all right well he's starting to make sense if you like that video click subscribe and we'll be together until one of us dies

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 1,631,202

Rating: 4.7804532 out of 5

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Pandemic, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social Distancing, Quarantine, Monologue, Hollywood, California, Vaccine, Free, Dr. Fauci, Jim Jordan, Doctors, Joe Biden, Obama, TV Special, Ivanka Trump, Donald Trump, Florida, Congressman, Matt Gaetz, Venmo, Joel Greenberg, Canada, Parliament, My Pillow, Mike Lindell

Id: XKydX_a3JeU

Length: 13min 57sec (837 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 15 2021