Medieval Weapons Tier List

this episode was brought to you by tap titans 2. many of you know me as the one true grand master of all sex toy weaponry who has been classified by the government as a lethal weapon and should i ever turn to evil i would be marked as a demon level threat to society but i'm not just a one-trick pony i'm also the master of medieval weaponry and today i got a few toys and trinkets from local flea markets to really put to the test and show you which of the most common medieval weapons was the most effective which one sucked the most [ __ ] just in case you find yourself slipping into a time portal and ending up in the medieval era with this knowledge you'll know what weapons to buy to protect yourself do i really look like a samurai not a child uh turn to the side let me get a side profile yeah i'd say i think yeah you look pretty samurai yeah yeah we should give you should give you pig tails i'll change it up on the next weapon i'll do one-handed first so i don't like cut a hole in the space-time continuum of speed oh maybe i'm a little too strong well that wasn't that was actually insane yeah how'd that feel that felt easy i didn't even know i went through anything i thought that was like a practice golf swing wow all right we're putting it back together yeah it can be the other side let's see if it snaps back on oh look at that cross section this actually is really nice that's some binging with baby [ __ ] right there uh i'll give it like a pierce here like a wooden stake and a vampire's heart that was good you see that footwork though like i actually had it down i watched so much with a sword yeah i watched so much anime i know the footwork pretty well i didn't even see your feet move they were just so fast yeah here i'm going to do an overhead here just so much power that's the damascus steel for you though obviously the first weapon i wanted to put to this ultimate test this endurance stamina and strength test was of course my fleshlight cutlass and for those that don't know it is a cutlass made of damascus steel of course with a fleshlight near the hilt it is a very impressive piece of technology really forged in the flames of morehor it is one of the finest weapons and blades i think that has ever been forged up there with excalibur and this is easily an s tier it just slices through anything like butter i could go through steel like i'm using a [ __ ] lightsaber if i had to it is just it is an impressive weapon that's definitely an s tier i don't know how common a fleshlight cutlass would be back in medieval times but i'm sure you could probably find a blacksmith to accommodate it and speaking of impressive technology let's talk about tap titans a very impressive mobile game guys i have an addiction to tap titans too usually this might be a debilitating problem but my doctor has assured me that with tap titans too it's not because no addiction has ever felt half this good tap titans 2 is an epic idle rpg with over 20 million downloads 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getting in some clan raids asap if you like tap titans 2 as well you can check out the developers newest brick breaker rpg game battle bouncers click the link below and get five dollars in diamonds there as well so if you're interested in starting your grand adventure you can click the link below to get started on tap titans too dude right now you do all right so we'll do some spell casting in true traditional fashion using the ancient staff carve from the alden oak i think it's working i'm a master of brown magic matt's gonna [ __ ] his pants over there oh no it worked [Music] out what are you casting on this is a another [ __ ] spell so right now all the dogs [ __ ] in your yard it's gonna start to like animate into like clay human beings soon so then they'll all attack the pumpkin at once a little physical staff action oh nice incapacitated yep even when i run out of mana i can still get in there and get the job done i'll charge up a big one it'll be an air spell he's blasting it now man just keep hitting it until something happens not a good mallet maybe maybe wind wasn't the right spell to use i'll try an earth spell this time i guess now matt no i hit it how do we make i think a baseball bat's probably better that's a that is a sturdy pumpkin yeah what's the next what's the next element of choice uh i'll try a lightning spell go mad ah it's working uh can jackson just use like a stunt pumpkin where he like cgi's it exploding the ancient wizard staff of merlin was not overly effective in my hands i haven't trained with the ancient arts that often the only thing i've mastered is brown sorcery where i'm able to talk to dog [ __ ] in someone's yard other than that it just wasn't super effective i couldn't get the pumpkin to even like feel anything i couldn't manipulate 5g waves and have it blow up or anything cool so unfortunately i'm going to have to give magic and f tier like an easy f tier actually be careful yeah this seems like if i like swing it too far it'll come back and just like blast my ass i'll go 12 to 6 then i'm trying the windmill yeah i'm gonna try the old windmill that's a dangerous idea i'll just do one of these oh man this is a terrible little [ __ ] toy every single chain link in here just broke up every single time i'll try you were hyping the [ __ ] out of this too i think my exact words were it's really shitty i got it for 30 dollars at a flea market expectations were way too high i guess this would be like in desperation if you hit someone's armor and like it popped off i'm going side to side oh matt just what jesus this thing sucks the morning star flail thing here was an absolute unbelievable piece of [ __ ] even throwing it lightly at a pumpkin was enough to break all of the chains and it was like three little golf balls with a couple of needles on them they weren't sturdy at all you could like literally bend the metal with your thumb terrible absolutely awful blacksmith that made this weapon here definite f tier as well a super f tier in fact if you use this you'd probably kill yourself before you did any damage to the attacker that's coming at you in fact the attacker it might work against the attacker because he's just laughing your [ __ ] face and leave you alone he'd find you to be so pathetic you wielding this weapon that he would just leave i'm gonna try and like chop pieces off okay that's a bad idea i can't i can't use my left hand for anything cool yeah i wasn't fully through if you like yeah this thing's super super strong did they have machetes in medieval times no no [ __ ] well this thing worked pretty well yeah not a whole lot more to be done there this machete was absolutely nuts it was probably the sharpest blade that's ever been crafted in the known universe if you had this during medieval times and you were being attacked by a man in knight's armor with knight's armor on top of it literally double bagging knight's armor you could easily just cut through it like butter i imagine truly fantastic weapon here this is an s tier for sure are you left-handed no you're holding it backwards trust me i know what i'm doing okay okay oh just a warm-up shot that was the southpaw attempt one thing i know you never want to do is dry fire the bow the whole thing can explode of course i'm right on the money you got another arrow there by the way oh yeah here actually give me the other one real quick i remember there was that viral video that one dude who's just like triple fisting arrows in yeah try that speed fire arrows yeah all right a lot harder than it looks i mean the guy who trained for like 50 years yeah what a nerd god come on man this post is the bose fault this boat sucks bro oh yeah wow he shaved it come on go again yeah cost me that bad boy so what if i did like a reign of arrows type approach oh like you know how in movies where it comes up one arrow up in like 17 come down yeah yeah there it is encore nice that was too easy i'll even do a little moving that's pretty close that was pretty close what was the pen oh matt you need to measure the penetration was it fatal think so it will kill i think it works imagine if that hit that was dangerously close better than i expected there's a lot of potential with the bow but if you're not a trained archer it's nearly impossible to use effectively i myself don't have a lot of formal training with the the bow unfortunately so i wasn't able to quite get the accuracy down but even occasionally i'd get a good shot on the pumpkin and all all the time it was fatal absolutely [ __ ] blasting the pumpkin of course so i'm just gonna give the bow an eight here because there's a lot of potential there but i mean if you get it up close like get up in the guy's nut sack what's the arch you're gonna do right like he's kind of [ __ ] so it's only good if you're really good at it and just get like a one shot kill every time and you have to you have to have a lot of training how popular do you think baseball was in the medieval times oh extremely oh yeah no you're just showing their insides with a bad definitely more than the outside [Music] jesus god finally so like a hundred strikes and you could probably get in maybe not optimal but not bad either the baseball bat was actually a lot less effective than i expected it to be i'm going to give this a b tier weapon here because it is pretty good you can definitely pack a wall up there you get like a good crack on the head and it definitely hurt you like you'd feel that you'd be seeing little stars and little like looney tunes figures going around your head can cuss you a little bit so there's there's definitely a lot of potential with the baseball bat granted this was a child's baseball bat this is from matt when he was like nine years old so i mean i'm sure there's better stronger baseball bats but given what you got here in the medieval times let's say you're playing a game of baseball with some children at the local local park back then you just steal one of their baseball bats and just start taking out some attackers what poundage is this 12 or 14 12 probably 12 okay yeah bowling was extremely popular in the middle ages oh close the problem was i didn't use enough spin on it i typically bowl with like some spin obviously yeah i'll just do like a shock put why is it so much more difficult than it looks no matthew i don't need help that hit it just not hard enough oh nice for a melee weapon though it's probably not great you only get like one good hit on it that was a good throw matt's done this before bowling balls were probably one of the most common household items you could find during the medieval era so we definitely had to put that to the test here and i've got to say it's not overly efficient you really only get one good throw if you're using it as a ranged weapon a projectile because you throw that and you're not getting it back it's not like a boomerang and it's not going to ricochet off of them and you catch it off of the rebound or anything and there's the potential that they just catch the bowling ball it's really not great but for castle defense if you were dropping bowling balls on people trying to siege you know climbing up ladders you could drop bowling balls on them it could definitely be better there but if it's just going to be like a one-on-one back alley brawl you're not going to get a whole lot of mileage out of your bowling ball so i'm just going to go ahead and give the bowling ball a d tier weapon strongest weapon of them all man's fists oh my god oh oh my god oh my god ow go ahead try again ah holy [ __ ] that pumpkin was like actually like hitting a wall ah but not like a drywall like a concrete wall wow oh wow wow all right i'll try karate shop i guess that's gonna hurt so much worse no well i'll are you going again at this time instead i think i'll do two for the content i'll like all right there we go yeah nope there's no [ __ ] way do your fifth no you can do you can karate chop it mad that i like uncaged the full swing right there i mean the pumpkins [ __ ] up like everything on the inside's all rattled around and busted because of my power but [Music] you gotta look in ketchup very square he blasted it off the bottom of the pumpkin [Music] oh i don't think this are looking too i thought you were being a baby oh it's really a very sturdy pumpkin nearly as bad as my fist but it didn't feel good how much is the pumpkin okay no it looks horrible yeah looks like it it's not feeling great one more of those i think it's done i'm gonna try just like a flurry of punches not at like full power see if i can like like death by a thousand cuts maybe i can pierce through it how much damage is there do you think fatal um yeah i think you know outside it looks fine but inside it's like wow that is a really tough thing you've turned his insides to mesh unsurprisingly my fists were an easy s-tier weapon unfortunately the pumpkin had some very good defense this was probably one of the hardest pumpkins ever like literally ever conceived this pumpkin was so [ __ ] strong it had like the craziest shell on it it was like punching 10 coconuts that all morphed together it was really hard and i was cranking it back i was definitely going at like maybe 10 power so i definitely felt that on my knuckles in my wrist and i was able to deliver a lot of crushing blows there's no doubt if that was a person like if that pumpkin could talk it would be screaming in agony after those blows and if it was a person they would they would be unable to recover from the damage dealt from my fist so definitely s t your weapon there

Channel: penguinz0

Views: 2,481,030

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Id: v7cRThzpwNE

Length: 19min 47sec (1187 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 25 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/Bronson_Kush]

I love him I can only hope my streams get as good