Pizza Tier List

this episode of liquid ladder was brought to you by honey few things get people as mad as a pizza debate you could slap someone's mother right in front of them and they'd still be angrier about a difference in pizza place preference than the slap on their own [ __ ] mom pizza is one of those things that people feel the need to defend with their life it's like night's honor where they'd sacrifice themselves to make sure to protect the integrity of the pizza place its reputation people go to war over pizza and the battlefield is always bloody full of gore limbs and tits everywhere and today i decided to put myself in front of the firing squad here in goatsi let it all hang out and accurately put all of these major pizza chains on a tier list to objectively know where each one of them ranks because we don't make mistakes at the liquid ladder when we do a tier list where that falls is where it deserves to be no arguments so get ready for the truth i hope you can [ __ ] handle it [ __ ] do you want to start with papa john's yeah go for it okay that was my favorite pizza you gotta unseal it yeah can i may not seal it can i just rip it yeah the answer is yes did you feel the flavors just pile out of the seal you want to like kind of tip it and show it yeah a quality pie nice symmetrical remember when john schneider went on air about how aliens made him be a racist in like the day of reckoning all right ready yeah right share some oils yeah there we go it was grosser than it should have been that john schneider makes a quality pie he may be racist but he knows pizza okay but if you say so it's just the better ingredients man you can really feel it what's our criteria like cheese full flavor sauce i think we just go by does it taste good kind of scale i'm working on right now the answer is like a resounding yes i've never tried their jalapeno should we do the whole package like with the sauce and everything sure we can try the sauce not the jalapeno well you can eat the jalapeno i'm not gonna share a jalapeno with you why not i just i don't think it's a great idea wow that's really mild that's one of the most mild jalapenos i've ever had that's your kind of pepper that's a good pepper it's like a bell pepper if it had like a little teenage angst to it like it's a bell pepper going through like a phase of rebellion nice that's a that's a good jalapeno can i just say i'm excited to be at this table not in pain for this episode this is the first time that we haven't done a painful one in a long time i'm just enjoying food this is so much better enjoying it for now you're enjoying it until you get the pizza [Laughter] papa john's and a surprise to no one i'm just going to be giving a nest here it's just the most consistently decent pizza yes it's not going to blow your [ __ ] mind you're not going to take a bite of papa john's pizza and then piss your pants because it's so good or like you know have a transcendent experience where your soul leaves your body because the flavors just [ __ ] killed you or anything it's just a consistent good quality pizza now john schnatter aside that guy's a you know the guy's not really a good guy but his pizza it does kind of slap so i do think papa john's pizza does deserve an s tier because i've never had an experience where i take a bite and i'm disgusted it's always been good like all of their different wacky goofy pizzas that they offer all of them are just pretty solid and now speaking of solid it's time to talk about honey baby i'm sure by now most of you know that i use and like honey if you watch the podcast you know i've talked about it quite a bit with my friends honey is a free browser extension that you can install in just seconds only a couple of clicks and you can install honey which will allow you to add coupons automatically to your checkout across a multitude of different stores online stores and during checkout there'll just be a little pop-up letting you know hey there's some coupons available for this and you save money for free it's free money basically i just used it on amazon recently because i made a purchase through amazon it wasn't for the moby huge or anything but it was a smaller purchase and i saved like ten dollars off the cards i was buying like it's actually just an incredible service like there's no reason not to own honey since it installs so quickly and is free and just saves you money so if you're interested in trying honey you can go to joinhoney.com penguinzero that's joinhoney.com penguinz0 to try honey this is my least favorite not only my least favorite pizza place but honestly one of my least favorite foods of all time pizza hut like this everything about it insults the senses this gross ass [ __ ] plane box this it's just terrible now i already opened this one and i think you're going to be more disappointed than you normally would you're going to want to eat it after you see that what happened just really analyze this pizza you're looking at it there's zero percent chance a piece comes out that way oh i see what you're saying so something is off with this video yeah it's this little wait don't move it let's show it to them okay then you've got aerial footage with the dragons that's fair i probably didn't pick it up anyway yeah it makes no sense yeah it is kind of weird it's almost like as cooking it they pushed the crust in are you taking that little piece i don't know that's the one they [ __ ] with i wouldn't touch it yeah i'm afraid to yeah that's the scary piece just look at how gross it is the way it dances is insulting it's just two three four five six seven eight oh we had to get a medium that's right they were the ones docking more points here yeah you need ten dollars for delivery and their medium is 9.99 so we were forced to get the 60 cent ranch pack yeah and there's no way they didn't plan that that was malicious it was in the small piece because i'll take the small one from the other side i'm not eating that no okay i honestly think that's just somebody slip that in here yeah they were like [ __ ] we didn't do enough and pulled one out of the fridge or the dumpster knowing pizza hut oh you want all these people i can kiss again yeah yeah smack my pizza nice i'm always shocked every time how bad it is it's crazy i kind of like it how do i know i i already saw that coming does it taste like it came right straight from target it tastes like the chef bent over and slapped his ass on some oil yeah but like a good looking chef maybe i guess but hold on is this chef a man or a woman i can't quite taste it yet i will agree with you i think the cheese is good but when i got to the sauce that sauce is terrible i mean every so there's no there's no distribution here all of my sauce was at the back it's right here so this is nothing but cheese i think bread i i rated cheesy bread at the tip and now it's pizza at the back the crust is worse i like the cheese though i'm not going back on that hmm that sauce is [ __ ] it's terrible it's really bad sauce i don't even think they use tomatoes they use like actual just crushed up crayon paste to be fair if there was no sauce on this pizza it would be better the cheese is good i'm telling you they should just rebrand it's just like a cheesy bread factory i actually think maybe the sauce is what kills it buy your sauce from papa john's but keep everything else the same yeah yeah so you were slightly surprised that it was better than you thought i was so the first bite had sauce which is why i was talking which is why i [ __ ] hated it but then as the sauce faded away into just like i don't know if the camera can see it but there's literally no sauce it's yeah there's parts just get up there in the microscope camera yeah so there's like actually no sauce on the majority of the pizza which is good yeah it's better it's a blessing but then when you get up to the only place here with sauce you hate it it's like that's a decent bite and then the crust is good but then once you accidentally find some sauce in here game over if you're watching pizza hut just get a new sauce in your ass here that was a little generous i think this pizza can be had no sauce on it at all it's pretty good so you probably like it yeah they should change their slogan to you can out pizza where's pizza hook let's do another dissection there so you can see that yeah why don't we lift the cheese off of one of the pieces to show we have the technology we can do that we have hands so i'm thinking not that one that one looks good this this looks like what we were experiencing yeah so here we just kind of push this down you can just de-robe her all right oh that's hot oh that's a good showing for what we're talking about though okay there's no sauce you can't even tear the cheese off yeah look there's actually just no sauce in there except for one part of it yeah one part we weren't lying i'm serious that worked out a lot better than i expected there's no i don't know oh here you just hold it hold it up like right here that good yep or this camera oh sorry it's like cartoon pizza but they forgot to draw the sauce the cheese is great you know what the cheese reminds me of the cheese from chuck e cheese pizza which was always solid wait we should remember that too they don't deliver all right so this is papa oh oh that's so much better that cheese excellent look at that oh i don't even have to do any more work gravity's going to do it after i get that little piece there we go see that's sauce yeah just compare the difference jeez it's like a blister at different stages of healing wait which is at which stage this is that uh this is like you need to go to the emergency room like you've gone to the white of your muscle yeah i got you and that's also emergency room if you look like either of these pizzas go to the hospital all right in the interest of fairness i'll be completely transparent when pizza hut had no sauce i did actually enjoy it i would give pizza hut and a tear only in the situation where they forgot the sauce when there's sauce on the pizza the entire [ __ ] thing is ruined the sauce is absolutely abhorrent it's like the chef just cut himself like it was a satanic ritual and just let his blood drip all over the bread it tastes abominable with sauce but when it's just cheesy bread it's pretty good the cheese and the bread is actually very solid so since we got a sauceless pie for the most part i'll have to give it an a tier for this tier list i was blown away shocked i guess most of the pizza i was getting from pizza hut all my life had sauce on it and that's what was holding it back that was what was ruining it all now i see the truth look at that wonderful packaging from domino's what's their slogan we [ __ ] up a million times but still don't forget about us i don't know what they have a slogan oh every every single commercial starts with we're sorry all right so your formula was the ones i used to do if it didn't get to your house in 30 minutes it was free that makes sense because i'm guessing that they stopped [ __ ] up now right off the bat you can tell there's some some flavoring on the crust yeah there's like some some garlic maybe garlic parmesan i can appreciate that yeah it looks good so whereas most pizza places they make it take it out and ship it they at least came back for round two and yeah a little rubbing their hands on the outside you have fairy dust on it all right you go ahead i like to look at this piece right here this one was speaking to me how the [ __ ] do i place an order here ready yep oh wow jesus okay soft wow that's pretty good this is their normal pizza what are your initial very surprised last time i had domino's was like two or three years ago and it was not this good you know it doesn't take a lot of effort to bite it's softer yeah it's just begging to be you know what would make this really good pizza hut's cheese i think that would be a you're starting to frankenstein together abominable creation and we'll create our perfect pizza with the best parts of each that's good well by then it'll be too dry that's probably we've got microwaves and water yeah i think right now overall this is my favorite combined papa john's had my favorite sauce and pizza had my favorite cheese but this is best overall in my mind right now i'm actually on that team this is really surprisingly good wow the seasoning on a crust does make a difference too it's pretty good it amplifies the entire entire experience it's playing a wonderful tune on my taste buds you're in for a treat but we might finish it all they really did improve man all right i'm going to rip this one now okay just start it at the top here it felt like there was a nice even layout of the sauce it looks like it too good ratio of one sauce per one cheese unit can you see all right yeah yeah that's pretty good distribution it's going to fall off on its own again i can only see its ass right now but i'll take your word for it oh there it goes that's nice that looks pretty good it's pretty nice that's pretty good i actually have a second piece since we have to wait a little bit now domino's this is going to be a little controversial i already know but i'm giving it an a tier as opposed to s even though on the day of pizza eating this holy day i do think it was probably my favorite pizza but the reason i'm not giving it an s tier is because i don't think it's consistently that solid like i said the last time i had it was like two or three years ago and it was not good at all it was bad it was down there with like dumpster trash pizza hut [ __ ] but this time it was good i don't know if it's going to be this good every time i have it from now on or if this was just like a special one where they heard hey charles is making a yelp review of our pizza really give them the best pie we got get the best ingredients out i don't know what it was but it was really good but just because of past experiences i'm going to assume this was a outlier so i'm going to give it an a for that reason so hungry howie's and little caesars came at the same time and i thought it was going to be a bloodbath out in my driveway between the two they rolled up together dropped it off together it was scary there was anything could have happened oh yeah it's marco's fresh dough made daily that's a big claim to me whoa that's some [ __ ] that actually does why is there icing with it that doesn't look like a skeleton i had to order 11 worth of stuff why did they think we wanted it with the pizza i added this side looks good and then it just looks like soup yeah because they hate it oh man one of those halves is supposed to be your ranch oh that's this half so what the [ __ ] happened over here it's like a landing zone that's where the sauce hit oh that'll do it you want to try some icing yeah i mean we have to that's true it's in the box i got the garlic sauce so you could compare it to papa john's perfect this this use this used to be my favorite pizza when i was in middle school what no this looks gross ready yeah i used to love this until i got food poisoning from it after that it tastes like puberty again it tastes like charlie's puberty again that's a greasy pizza it is excessively oily oh this just feels disgusting because it's all full of the grease yeah let me get that wow what is that oh that's garlic sauce charlie garlic butter sauce let danny see that yeah it's just grease in a cup it is actually just cupped grease yeah oh no i'm going in oh my god i'm going too and here's your icing oh oh wow that garlic's too hot for him oh jesus christ the pizza is fine the pizza is that that is oh yeah i'm gonna have to say they didn't intend for this to go on the pizza but whoa that's crazy really good that's not bad it's better than the garlic i should have ordered one of each i bet you the icing will be better on the crust yeah that is innovative let me try it on the crust don't forget to try your ranch crust too right it's almost about that's pretty [ __ ] good all right finally some it's some innovation in the pizza game who thought you could just put semen on pizza and make it taste delicious hungry howie that's who charlie's gonna start asking for icing every time yeah do you have any icing can i get a birthday cake with this please how is that ranch it's just burnt it looks like yeah they just burnt the seasoning they put on it just you can take a bite off of it if you want i don't care there we go all right i want to make sure you can still get some that's a really fluffy set of doughnuts are you touching is that what you're doing yes your taste burn oh it's like burnt salt oh yeah surrender oh that is overwhelming not ah that's not ranch it's just a bunch of salt i'm not joking somebody tried that somebody's try that oh my it's really burnt yeah it's like they charred salt and said that's ranch that's is there even any ranch flavor that's really bad the best thing in this box is the packet of icing you want to try some icing in your pepsi oh actually grab one of the other pizzas and see if it tastes good in the icing all right i wonder if it's just howie's that works well with it or if it's just the ice take your pick you guys are releasing stuff from different pizza places that's kind of you want really dominance yeah all right you try dominoes in it give me your feedback i'll try it's a hood that should be a staple i don't know if it's just because i'm like a sugar demon kick or what but that is oh that was so much sauce in one bite i'm not going with the sauce do the crust you idiot jesus man oh is that what you did yeah well that's not trying the pizza on it it's trying the crust in it well there's pizza wow sugar on bread is good yeah yeah well but i'll try the pizza i mean charlie just wants more sugar yeah i've got a i've got a [ __ ] problem to do like cinnamon sugar bread with icing like that so that makes sense that it's good is it here instead of red sauce can you just smear icing into the bread can you put some sprinkles on it hungry howie's was a lot to take in like i said it used to be my favorite pizza in middle school and then i had a bout of food poisoning from it but when we ordered this pizza when we did pizza we wanted to all be kind of uniform and cheese but hungry howie's in order to meet the threshold of the payment we had to split it from cheese to ranch bread so half is cheese half as ranch bread so i'm going to grate them each individually the cheese pizza i think is just a c tier it's a forgettably average not good pizza so like a little below average but i think c is still pretty applicable but when it comes to the ranch crust whatever [ __ ] abomination that is that's an f the ranch crust from hungry howie's was absolutely terrible it was just like a handful of salt and a handful of pepper if they were cremated into like a piece of bread it was not good at all and then the last thing i'm going to grade from hungry highways and i think this is the real banger this is like the actual chemical x and the formula the icing i had never even considered it but they do icing packets so dipping the crust in the icing was an incredible treat that's an s tear all day that that i think right there changed the pizza game forever you don't like marcos oh i don't know that i've ever even had markers is it good most loved pizza that's a bold claim the italian way whoa i don't like when it's melted in the middle like i don't either it's like papa john's if it was like fresher it seems yeah it looks suspiciously like papa john's yeah i'm not you go first we might be saying the same thing i'm gonna say i'm not convinced it's not paw patrol literally what i was saying you melded into one unit men could only smack so much pizza without being coming the same they were bulking mind moving through the pizza slaps they're gonna have the same nightmares as you yeah there is some like excessive seasoning on this actually so it's papa john's plus perhaps a bit of domino's it feels more bread like it's a little weightier yeah wait wait can we maybe it's fresh made that sound in my head oh i think the cues are number queues are amazing tag they used to have pizza right there it probably was that yeah i used to make the keys our pizza wasn't this did you really you weren't they gave me free games for me matt used to live at cusa he was a professional laser there was one summer where i was nasty at cuesome it's pretty good it's fine not insulting cheese very chewy very airy stop with the pizza is that chuck e cheese i hope it's the actual [Music] could you imagine every pizza they sent out comes with a mess what's the name of the mascot chester chucky chuck it is chuck e cheese's yeah oh yeah it says this is probably their first order since quarantine started in march it's fine i would put this in a solid like c plus range i'm thinking c as well the crust is also pretty not it's just so bland but what does it taste like in icing [Laughter] all right let's see yeah pretty good in the icing i i have a strong hunch that everything will go marco's pizza yeah that's a sea tear all day that is a innocent slice of pie but it's nothing that you're going to be super happy that you ate it's just going to be one of those filler meals and you'll be like yep i got some calories in me and i wasn't sick from it so that's a seat here baby little caesars what's their slogan delivery delivery isn't it pizza pizza pizza yeah oh that's the one i got yeah okay that's [ __ ] weird yeah you mean caesar is that who that is i think so i would have heard this little caesar oh i don't hate the color of the question it looks pretty good yeah i wish it was a little less puffy but it's looking pretty solid yeah that looks fine i've never had little caesars i don't think you have alright i guess i have no i don't remember that at all and you got a ton of chicken it was disgusting that sounds like turkey only thing we went to little caesars we're going to little caesars what do you want can you just give me like 40 chicken nuggets do they have scallops all right this one can be slapped if you want nice i don't know how to feel i'm not a big fan yeah it's kind of weird it's like really plastic how much was this one um is that the one that came with no that wasn't the one that came with drinks was it no no no that was six dollars i i was gonna say if this was more than six dollars it deserves a refund i think it ended up being like 15 with tip and delivery six dollars it's it's definitely the cheapest pizza it actually tastes like i'm eating two dollars that's not good pizza it's re it's it feels like they took like the plastic displays and then heated them up i remember getting this in high school and i used to enjoy it but this is it's the cru whatever the crust is is really bad i argue it's the cheese like watch this you see that oh i thought you're gonna like eat it that's the whole thing you know what we will we'll test parts because there's a funky taste in there no it's gross sauce chewing the cheese feels like i'm chewing bubble gum i've been eating like the whole piece of each one there is no redeeming quality about this pizza no it's definitely not good well we haven't tried any icing yet i will tell you papa john's was worse than icing than the others i think this will be a good nice thing that might be the bathroom i think yeah it's like the most cakey kind of yeah it's really compact yeah there's so there's limited sauce a and b the cheese is like stiff like right the weird taste is the cheese yeah it's not the bread no the bread's fine yeah the bread tastes like the bread that everybody else serves with cheese sticks yeah it's like that slightly more compact dense bread yeah that's pretty not good whenever we do these i act like i know what the [ __ ] i'm talking about you convince me little caesars was not good uh probably one of the worst of the day little caesars was shockingly not good but not like offensively terrible it's not something that i'd eaten projectile vomit it's just something i'd eat and be disappointed that i ate at all it's just a waste of a meal for that reason little caesars it's gonna be comfortably in the d tier my hypothesis is that this is our number one you think so i loved chuck e cheese pizza as a kid but i was also four is what these do because the only people i'm worried about touching the food between them and me is them and they have to touch it if the guy gets robbed i guess that's true and then he still brings the pizza he gets the pizza back right and it rustles it out of the mugger's hands you could take my wallet but not chuck e cheese's pie yeah yeah oh bad oh that looks really bad that's not what it was like when i was a kid that doesn't look normal this looks really [ __ ] awful it's like an overload of it's like a cracker they put a lot of oregano on that crust yeah i can smell it actually it's oppressive it hurts my nose well maybe it all comes together really well yeah maybe it is yeah it is like a cracker it peels nicely it doesn't it feels like they ran it through their ticket machine [Laughter] really meld it thanks oh it tastes better than it looks immediately yeah no it doesn't as much the aftertaste is bad i will tell you 100 this is not the pizza they used to have when i was a kid they had the one that they cooked it on those trays that make the little lumps on the bottom the little bowls i don't know what you're talking about i know what you need sam's gold has it on the bottom of theirs too they've got these little balls on the bottom of the pizza this is a weird pizza i don't like it but i don't hate it it's weird i like it do you think they use like tranquilizer in it since it's for kids like chuck e cheese sneaks in roofies or something like the kids calm yeah keep the camera rolling for the next hour let's see what happens charlie just passed i think my biggest problem is with the crust did you forget where you were what happened no so like i didn't like little caesars but let me let me show you something oh you're onto something with little caesars here here's a piece of crust you can see with the bread the little air pockets in there yeah they let it rise like it actually had room to grow this no you see what no man should have to see there's nothing there's it didn't rise it's like you said danny it's a cracker it actually does feel kind of like it's just okay but i like thin crusts but it doesn't taste like thin crust gets crispy this is like yeah this is like if you roast pizza and then sliced it yeah horizontally you're trying to double the or like double the amount of pizzas with the same amount i'm no confidence that that crust would taste good in icing either [Music] harsh i know that's a bald flame i mean is that terrible but it's not good yeah it's fine no it's i don't know if this is my least favorite or little caesars a little caesar yeah i think you're right this one at least doesn't taste funky it feels a little fluffy yeah it doesn't taste funky i really hope that you agree with this or i'll sound weird but there's a moment like as i'm going to swallow the pizza where the consistency makes no sense in my head it's like what the [ __ ] you talking it's really really [ __ ] dense i don't know it's just pizza that don't feel like i'm eating pizza what is it what are you experiencing this man's going through the avatar state of pizza last and almost least is chuck e cheese's pizza it's not as bad as little caesars but it is not good either there is almost nothing redeeming about chuck e cheese pizza except for the fact that you can see a giant [ __ ] rat when you're there eating it in person i suppose i'm giving it a seat here because it's not as bad as little caesars and it's just not terrible in the first place it's not horrible and yeah that's all the pizzas that we could find that i think most people would recognize at least so these are exactly where they should be in terms of the tier list and yeah that's about it see ya

Channel: penguinz0

Views: 4,086,928

Rating: 4.9058752 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: R83m1T5eL5U

Length: 31min 59sec (1919 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 25 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/CesarKiwi]

YES I HAVE BEEN WATING SO LOONG