Kazu Kusano, Japanese female stand-up comedian

what's up what's up I'm Japanese from Japan Japan it's the country you go to China and make a right it's the country of Hello Kitty so Brooke is so sexy and she need to defend funny so when I moved to the United States I didn't speak English at all so I studied and the best way to learn foreign language is to talk to local people and the first sentence island was allow come on stairs amigo some foreigner here you know and when you live in a foreign country you miss your home a lot especially food I really miss McDonald Japan because there I can get macht frei the penguin crispy feeling on classic sandwich and seahorse McMuffin with egg here can't so my mom is visiting me from Japan now and she goes to Fisherman's Wharf every day and she's like Kazumi I found great seafood market there they have so many varieties unlike mom it's an aquarium now that period has a restraining order on my mom yesterday I went shopping and I'm really upset because some salespeople push their opinions too much you know yesterday I went to buy new ground for me because my boobs are growing I have decided to be now become but they are getting bigger naturally because they are made in Japan but they are not recall model so they are reliable and efficient with 35,000 miles warranty so at the store a saleswoman came to me and she said how can I help you so I said can you measure my boobs please we might he see couple right now but this woman had a gigantic metal tape measure as if she was working at Home Depot and she squeezed my books really tight so I said can you please be nice to my boobs because I didn't want her to void the warranty but she kept squeezing my boobs really tight and she said you are sided to a well I'm actually I have a big cup well actually you are a cup or even double a double e like batteries well actually it's kind of same idea they are getting smaller so I'm gonna give you a push-up bra okay excuse me excuse me excuse me I don't need to push-up bra okay if you squeeze them even harder they're gonna be triple-a and start the emergency road service I don't want to get it okay um so I'm a married I'm already taken um so my husband is is Jewish guy with glasses and he's neurotic what wait he's not I wasn't here that at the daughter now she'd be like Woody Allen type so we love each other and we are very happy but we have a problem because my husband has lots of white hair and he looks twenty years older than me and people think that he's my sugar daddy you know my you know his friends you know always like hello do you understand English I'm like a lack of my sass and he go whoa your Spanish is very good so did you know him before you got married yes after he assembled a kid he bought in Tokyo I'm a robot so I grew up in Japan and my childhood was weird because my family was dysfunctional my father um he's a Japanese guy and and then he used to take me to movies but these movies are always violent movies when I was 10 I told my dad dad I want to watch snow white but he said oh you know what you will learn more by watching real stories so we saw Scarface you know say hello to my little friend so we actually I learned a lot after that I started inhaling Pixy sticks on some Pixy Stix I became diabetic man so so my family was dysfunctional and my mother is actually mentally ill she is schizophrenic and it's hard if you have schizophrenic mother because she changes the house rules frequently I was a real Oh dado and one day my mother was like today your brother is in charge of the house and my brother was like mom let's have a chocolate cake for breakfast lunch and dinner now another day my mom was like today your sister is in charge of the house and my sister was like lend me a favorite dress and call me your princess and another day my momma was like today our Robin is in charge of the house and the rabbit was like so all over hopped around and mess around in the yard and now we have six brothers and sisters so um in the behavior I see a lot of tattoo the people and it's weird sometimes because some some of them don't know what's the meaning of Asian characters on their body one day a guy asked me oh so you know with these Japanese characters man so I said this means powerful this means wealthy and this means you have a hepatitis

Channel: Kazu Kusano

Views: 1,107,103

Rating: 4.6457734 out of 5

Keywords: Stand up comedy, Competition for web, performing, battle, comedy, japan, Japanese, funny, joke, arts, inspirational, Humor, japanese woman, Japanese girl, japanese comedian, Comedian (Profession), Sketch, Tokyo, Entertainment, kazu kusano, kazukusano

Id: WuzXQtbF4Vc

Length: 9min 44sec (584 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 08 2011