Sindhu Vee Live at the Apollo

good evening Apollo's thank you so much for having me I'm delighted to be here you know when I found out that I was going to do this gig I immediately put together a message and I pinged it out on our family whatsapp group to my husband and my children because that is the kind of rock-and-roll comic I am and my son my teenage son wrote back to me at once and his message said thug life chose you brah and I was like oh [ __ ] my child has joined the gang I mean this ugh and brah it had two hours but he's a terrible speller and I was like oh and the other thing is I thought this message is not for me this idiot has sent me a message by mistake which is for a gang member what if the next message is something much worse and that really bothered me because well this was my moment I am going to Apollo like if I'm gonna find out you're a criminal can we do it next month so I wrote back to him in all caps because as a good Indian mother I mainly shout at my children I look back this is your mum and he wrote back I know digging like a boss [Applause] yeah BAW SC boss and and also please do remember as you listen to the rest of my set this evening that I didn't choose it but the thug life chose me so I have kids of course you love your kids and it's difficult to raise them small kids are very easy I find the biggest downside of having a very small child is they are very boring yeah they want to show you they love you by talking to you all the time but everything they know you already know [Applause] I mean literally zero value add in any of those colors but you do it anyway because they're your kids you know and you know what people say small kids small problems big kids bigger problems and the reason is that as your kids get older you have to discipline them properly and I find this very stressful because I'm born and raised in India so what I consider robust healthy high quality parental discipline he's found upon in this part of the world it's illegal I know because I have checked and I want to have really well-behaved kids but that is no use to me if I am in jail so you guys do here and the big thing here is teach your kids about action and consequence using a multitude of techniques so you have something called star chart you note star chart is yet no let me tell you sir star chart is you find something vaguely not- that your child possibly might be able to do and then work it into the conversation and give them a star thank you for not kicking me in the face today and then the other one action and consequence naughty step you've been terribly behaved kindly go relax on the staircase [Music] [Applause] and I was like I cannot get on board with this so what do we have from my culture that I can somehow glom on to this so it makes sense to me and I thought of course our parents talk to us about action and consequence but the way they do it is they implicate us from the time we're very young in their death this is a way to guide our behavior let me give you an example let me find someone who so what is your name John John can I use your name for this okay so John imagine you're four years old and your mother will say to you John I told you to put one spoon of chocolate in the milk why have you put two because you want me to die they're effective with small children you know and John your mother could be from anywhere in India so if she was from Gujarat she might say something like John huh better much mo kio what alloy Bo John you put two spoons of chocolate in your milk why are you drinking milk drink my blood she's in Punjab she would say John don't you much buy a array John nepeta Java Web Filter Dawa John you put two spoons of chocolate in the milk fine I am going to beat myself to death you please stay here and enjoy your milk my mom speaks Hindi so what she would probably says array John too much cotton Canario chew out how John why are you tinkling that teaspoon pick up the knife you know it's what you want good stuff and it was working so well for me with my firstborn until when he was about 7 I got a phone call from his school and the teacher said could you and your husband please come in your son has some very specific anxieties so I went I went I didn't take my husband my husband is Danish which is to say there is zero overlap in our parenting techniques yeah Danes my husband's entire parenting repertoire is darling please be very very very happy here is some Lego [Applause] so I went and the teacher said we don't understand he's a great boy a great kid but every time we give him back homework and he hasn't got full marks he says I don't want to go home I think my mother might be dead yes good boy he's been listening son but on the outside I was like what no I'm so sorry I can't imagine well what can I say Danes are very bleak [Applause] you've been so nice to follow thank you so much good evening

Channel: ArseRaptor

Views: 4,041,437

Keywords: live, at, the, apollo, stand, up, comedy, arseraptor, jamali, maddix, sindhu, vee, fern, brady, comedians & company

Id: u-YgKtSzdlM

Length: 7min 32sec (452 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 21 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/8604]

Jeez that's some clean humor, I'm impressed

[u/JediMasterZao]

i really loved it!

[u/Atheist101]

this is genius lol

[u/Toliver182]

She’s enjoyable to listen to!

I head her episode on the “off menu” podcast, it’s worth a listen