Fluffy Loves India | Gabriel Iglesias

martin and i just got back from india yeah so let me tell you i started posting on facebook and twitter that we were gonna go out there to do these shows and then people started sending me messages questioning what i was gonna do first of all are they gonna understand you in india will they understand english okay will they be able to follow along with your stories once we got there i come to find out that more people speak english in india than in all of the us and canada put together might as well throw mexico in there for extra credit because there's that many people and yes they have the internet they got the internet they got bollywood they got hollywood they understand american culture so much more than we understand theirs second thing people tried to warn me about going over there gabriel be careful india is a third world country don't drink the water in india it contains parasites that'll make you really sick don't eat the food from the street people especially the street meat it contains a parasite that'll make you really sick and most importantly there's a lot of crime over there don't stay out late when the sun goes down you go down i'm like is it that bad parasites so i'm like let me get this straight there's a lot of crime don't stay out late don't eat any of the food from the street vendors and don't drink the water why does that sound familiar that's mexico when martine and i got over there we found out that indian people and mexican people have so much in common you guys i'm telling you it's insane how similar we are especially the food the food is so similar for example mexicans love tortillas indian people love naan bread which is a fluffier form of a tortilla mexicans love chicken indians love chicken mexicans love hot and spicy indians invented hot and spicy most popular drink in mexico is fanta most popular drink in india is fanta indian people worship cows mexicans love barbecues a lot of similarities most of the people that i met over there were very hardworking and humble and i got to tell you every time i talked to someone i was always greeted the same way they'd look at me they put their hands together they do a little bow and they say namaste which is an endearing hello it's really nice and sweet and then i noticed that indian people when you're talking to them do this thing with their head where it will begin to move side to side as they're speaking now first one you notice that you think oh he slept wrong he just got a kink in his neck get a tempur-pedic now when they they start speaking their head starts moving and i notice this the guy is checking us into the hotel and he's really cool he's like listen if you have any problems at all okay you call the front desk you press zero we will send somebody to your room to help you whatever you need we got it for you right here okay it's very good now one thing i notice is the more they talk and the more excited indian people get the more the head starts to move around somebody at the hotel yelled out to the clerk that's fluffy and the guy was like oh my god i don't believe it i can do it i thought it was you i thought it would you oh my god i cannot believe this is so crazy even crazier than that is that the mouth is actually connected to the neck when the mouse stops moving the head stops wherever the mouth left off and when you see indian people talking to each other you can see it okay let me tell you something okay hold up wait wait wait wait wait hold on wait okay like if you're indian and you stutter you are so screwed i never i i i i i i i i somebody stop him i'm not gonna lie you guys when i first saw this happen i thought it was hysterical i thought it was funny but then i started thinking about it head movement is just the form of expression no matter where you live in this world people express themselves in their own unique way whether through facial expressions hand gestures body movement extra words everywhere you go things are different and that's just how they express themselves in india now back to the whole indians mexican thing that is something else that we share in common with indian people head movement now some of you in the building tonight are like stupid we don't have head movement yes we do it's a little different see with indian people the head movement is side to side mexicans our head movement is front to back the difference between that is that with mexicans we have to be very very upset in order for you to see the head movement otherwise you can't tell with indians it's all the time oh today is such a nice day it is such a beautiful day today i'm so happy it's very nice very good oh my god i can't believe it's so nice it's such a pretty mexicans when we're mad that's when it comes out for non-latinos hey trust me you cut off a mexican in traffic see what happens that's funny i don't know why the black people are laughing you guys take it all oh no you did it oh hell no i know he ain't talking about me uh-uh i hit a bell i hit a bear i made myself dizzy do it so let me tell you guys if you ever get the opportunity to travel to india i encourage you to check it out you are going to see some beautiful things you are going to see some amazing things you are going gonna see some sad depressing things and some real horrible things overall it's a well-balanced trip but when you get back home here to the united states you will have a whole different appreciation for your life believe that i guarantee this you guys there's a lot of people in india and with a lot of people comes a lot of traffic first things first american traffic and indian traffic very different here whatever happens on the freeway will stop the whole freeway in india there's 10 times the traffic but it moves see the problem is americans we're fascinated by accidents we're fascinated by the idea of seeing potential death that's why we slow down on the freeways we say we don't want to see it but what happens in traffic what's going on over there [Music] there doesn't even have to be a collision you could be on the 101 freeway and a car has a tire blow out and it spins doesn't hit anything it's now facing oncoming traffic you know what happens to the rest of the freeway even on the other freeway where there's no accident and again what's going on what's somebody might be dead sorry [Applause] in india if there's an accident in the middle of the street you know what they do they drive right around it they don't stop and it's not that they're not sensitive to the situation they are it's just that there's so much chaos that happens on a regular basis they just need to get to work they do see what's happening and believe me they're heartfelt you know they'll drive around i'm so sorry for you nothing stops the flow of traffic in india they need to get from point a to point b and so they go they go if there's an accident they drive around if there's something blocking the street they get on the sidewalk to go around it's amazing the way they drive and here's something else no one uses turn signals over there no one uses turn signals they use a horn now if you go to india tomorrow from the time you get there to the time you leave you're constantly going to hear a horn it's an actual language when people are driving i'll show you you're driving car on your right current car on your left light up ahead they talk to each other while they're driving and they barely miss each other every single time also you'll be on the 101 freeway here and there'll be six lanes in india you'll see six lanes but guess what you'll see 12 cars across yes they have lines but they're basically there to let you know more or less the direction you might want to go in they're this close to each other and even at the light they communicate you see everything cars trucks vans motorcycles pedestrians cows children all waiting for the light and they talk at the light with the horn very good you can go you can go welcome nothing stops the flow of traffic over there indian people drive think of ants you know how ants travel in a straight line and if there's something in their way like a rock ants will split up go around the rock and reunite or climb over the rock worst case scenario they dig a hole and go under the rock that's the mentality of driving in india a man can get shot in the middle of the street people just look at each other somebody pick him up and they'll drag his ass onto the sidewalk and if there's an accident and they need to get around guess what's going to happen to that guy on the sidewalk nothing stops the flow of traffic in india except a cow now i know we've always heard the stories and the jokes about oh indian people don't eat hamburgers i asked the question and i found out it's believed that cows are people who have died and they've been reincarnated and their new life is now the cow which is why they don't eat them and why they give them all the love and respect in the world over there i saw this firsthand there's a cow crossing the street while we're driving and the cows know they're cocky they know that they can cross [Music] no one honks at the cows no one yells at the cows no one touches the cows they wait for the cows to finish crossing the cow that we had laid down the driver just shut off the car started tweeting there is a cow in the middle of the street hashtag mumu [Applause] i asked the driver what's going on i said there is a cow i see that there's a cow are you going to honk at it go around what's what's going to happen uh we cannot uh we cannot uh hunker the cow we must wait for the cow to move you're kidding i am not kidding we must wait for the cow we drove past a dead body 15 minutes ago that is probably him [Applause] like seriously the driving situation over there is so intense you guys one morning one morning while we're there i needed to get to the airport fast because i overslept and so i get in the cab and i hand the driver a 50 bill and i go sir i am running very late i need to get to the airport as soon as possible whatever side street you have to take or back road i'm all for it whatever you have to do let's do it and i hand him the money and he goes very good let's go and we take off the guy is hitting anywhere from 50 to 70 miles an hour on the street we are making incredible time [Music] i notice that we're heading in the direction of a red light have you ever been in a car with someone and you're paying attention to what's going on and you notice that you're about to hit a red light and you you know how you start to mentally and physically prepare yourself for the deceleration of the car and you start anticipating the pressure from the brake and if you don't get the sensation of slowing down by a certain point all alarms go off in your head and you sock the driver in the chest not only did i not get the sensation of slowing down i got the opposite he gunned it towards the light and it caught me off guard i couldn't even scream i was like and then and then i got air hey pull over he didn't even know what he did he looks at me he goes what is wrong what do you mean what is wrong dude didn't you see the red light as calm as can be didn't you see there was no one there you told me whatever you have to do okay whatever you have to do you do do you want to yell or do you want to make plane he made a good point i sounded like a third grader i want to make plane like seriously that's a video game i want to see i want to see grand theft auto india it was so crazy you guys and this is just us being there i haven't even gotten to the part of us performing we were in mumbai bangalore and delhi okay these three places is where we went to perform mumbai and bangalore the shows went over very very well okay there were about 1500 to 2000 people which is amazing for a few going over there i was like excited yes and then we get to delhi and when we got to delhi you guys it got a little crazy martin walks out on stage and the crowd recognized him and they started chanting anytime i hear that i'm like they know him it's gonna be a good show so martin starts cracking jokes the crowd starts laughing he's cracking more jokes the crowd keeps laughing all of a sudden i hear this [Laughter] martin doesn't say a word to them he gets off stage next comedian comes out and then martin comes over to me and he says bro i don't know what's going on man i don't know what's going on out there there's these three guys in the front row they're laughing like klingons from star trek i'm not gonna address them i'm gonna save them for you i was like oh thank you so then martin goes back out there on stage and he introduces me ladies and gentlemen gabriel iglesias and then i run out on stage and the crowd started chanting and i was like what's up deli [Applause] and i start cracking jokes start getting laughs start cracking more jokes start getting more laughs and then it happened now see me i can't avoid things especially when it's front row center so i addressed it i came right out and i said well hello i said what do we have here i said so where are you guys from and the guy in the middle looks at me and he goes we are from germany i said cool we have germans in the house and the whole crowd got really weird you could hear them they freaked out because they thought i was gonna start making fun of the german people and one guy even stood up don't do it don't do it don't do it i go relax bro have a seat don't do it i'm not going to make fun of the german people that's the last thing i want to do is offend them i don't want to end up outside in an alley somewhere freaking in two hours oh this is the last time they are going to tell you do not make fun of german people as i'm doing this joke about a german kicking me on the floor with the accent here's where it gets crazy i get hit in the side of the head by a bat listen to what i just told you barrier i get hit in the side of the head by a bat not major league baseball i'm talking about i wanna suck your blood in india there are millions and millions and millions of fruit bats and one of them actually six of them made it inside of the building and they're flying around and they're hanging out in the rafters and one of them decides to fly down and basically when i was doing the kicks i stepped into the line of flight of the bat and he caught me right here i'm like what the hell and i look up and you see it and you can hear it the indian people saw that and they freaked out they were yelling they did it they did it they told you don't do it they told you don't do it they are evil they are evil i'm like dude i don't care how evil you think the germans are they don't have control over bats it wasn't like the guy got offended and said oh really once released the bat so now the crowd is weird these guys are laughing and there's freaking bats flying around the theater first two minutes of my show i gotta do an hour and now i've already lost the crowd they're freaking out these guys are laughing weird i'm nervous it's my first time there i don't know how to get out of this so i literally walked over to the other side of the stage and i started just performing for this side of the room trying to redirect the focus right here and i'm so nervous i'm stuttering i don't even have a segway i'm like you know it's crazy in america everybody in america likes drinking you know it's real crazy like like for example mexicans uh most mexicans we like drinking tequila most black people like hennessy most white people like jaeger here in india you guys like fanta and when i said fanta the crowd went crazy because it was such a local reference they freaked out they were like screaming oh my god he knows he knows they started singing fantastic the roar was so big it allowed me to restart my show so i started cracking new jokes and more jokes and these jokes and those jokes five minutes go by five minutes go by all of a sudden the germans got offended at the fact that i left them out of my drinking joke the one in the middle stands up and he approaches the stage now this stage has got to be about five feet tall the guy's head was about this high he was like six four he looks at me and he starts pointing and he's yelling hey man what about us what about the germans what do we drink i was like dude that was like five minutes ago they were giving you a chance what do they drink i'm like first of all sir i apologize i'm really nervous right now um i had no idea there was gonna be germans here tonight felt like poland i don't care if you laugh or not that's a smart ass joke that's a smart ass joke it's not my fault some of you pandeco's failed history you better google that and find out why it's so damn funny so all the older white people are god damn it yeah so anyway so i'm standing and i go listen sir you need to have a seat okay the people are getting nervous you need to have a seat so i can finish the show and the guys he refuses i will not sit down fat man and say you tell us what we drink i go listen i don't know what you guys drink and the indians are being so cute they're trying to help me they're yelling hey they like fantato and the guy was like we don't like meltdown i go sir please have a seat i will not have a seat actually you tell us what we drink tell us i go listen sir you need to sit down and you need to stop calling me fat man now it's starting to bother me it's like the sixth time he does it and i didn't just lose a hundred pounds to now get called fat man so i go sir if you don't have a seat we're gonna have a problem especially if you call me fat man again and he freaking did it what are you gonna do fat man what do we drink even martin who's behind the curtain knew he knows when i'm at that point where i've crossed over i can hear him in the back don't do it too late fluffy's pissed so i said you want to know what you drink tell me don't ask me where this came from i got right in his face and i said blood of jews now see automatically you guys gave me a whole different reaction in delhi that was probably the most shocking thing ever said on that stage so shocking that 2 000 people at the exact same time got so quiet you guys so quiet you could hear everyone's ass just and i'm still standing there my hands out have you ever said something that was so bad and i mean you knew it was bad as it was coming out of your mouth and you're trying to stop it but it's too late it's already out and you're like no and it's too late blood of jews is all over his face right i'm standing there with my hands out i'm looking at him he's looking at me and i'm like ah he says that's a good one yeah that's a good one oh my god thank you [Applause] it doesn't end there i'm telling you guys this is so crazy so next morning martina and i are flying back home to los angeles from delhi we're taking an airline called british airways we go from delhi to london england and we have a connecting flight over there once we get to england they cancelled our connect for whatever reason and so we got rebooked on another airline called lufthansa it's a german airline now this is why i believe in karma seriously martin's like really bloody jews i'm like i know i felt like they found the head owens take care of fluffy so i put down my credit card i made sure that martine and i got upgraded to at least their business class because it's like a long flight and um so we're in there we're on the plane and the plane takes off about 20 minutes into the flight we're just sitting there we're laughing and the flight attendant she starts coming down the aisle with a little cart okay she's coming down the aisle and she sees me and she goes hello sir do you have a preferred drink of choice today martine looks at me taps me in the chest and he goes hey tell her tell her bro come on ask for it if anybody has it dude shut up and then she looks at martin sir do you have a preferred drink of choice and martin's like yeah do you guys got blood of she's like bloody mary yes yes bloody mary freaking machete is going to get me banned from flying so we make it back home i'm trying to tell the story to my girlfriend and my son and my girl she's barely laughing she's like like she's jaded she doesn't laugh at my jokes anymore my son frankie on the other hand he is dying yeah and i'm like really he's 16 years old oh really frankie you thought that was funny he goes yeah that's funny i go what was so funny about my story he goes those people you're talking about i go who the indians he goes no the other ones i go the germans goes yeah it's funny i go what's so funny about the germans the way that they speak i go what's so funny about the way that they speak he goes they sound like the three little pigs from the movie shrek [Applause] i had to go on youtube and freaking find it and sure enough all three little pigs i was just waiting for one to go fat man you

Channel: Gabriel Iglesias

Views: 2,953,234

Rating: 4.8949952 out of 5

Keywords: gabriel iglesias, gabriel fluffy iglesias, stand up comedy, fluffy, comedy, funny, jokes, funny videos, india, gabriel iglesias racist gift basket, gabriel iglesias magic mike scene, gabriel iglesias full show, gabriel fluffy iglesias one show fits all, gabriel fluffy iglesias car collection, gabriel fluffy iglesias india

Id: nAULsoAQn2g

Length: 26min 51sec (1611 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 07 2021