Hee-yah!
Nice! Um, you had an explosion. I had a accident. Hey, welcome to "Mythical Kitchen," where dreams become food. Speaking of dreams, I
had a dream last night. I dreamed that we beat
Bainville by three touchdowns, but I woke up a little sad, 'cause I know we're gonna beat Bainville by way more touchdowns than that. No one put that in the edit. Paul Walker, shout out to Paul
Walker from "Varsity Blues." No, but I had a dream last night that I went jet skiing, and I overpaid. That was my actual dream was
I got hustled at a jet ski, at the Ventura pier. That was the real dream. But my dream that I really
wanna turn into food, it's a Doritos Locos calzone. That's what we're doing today. We're making a cheddar and
Dorito flavor infused calzone. And then we're gonna
fill that with a filling that is inspired by both Taco Bell and The Cheesecake Factory. That is where this weird hypno wheel of a dream all comes into play. Also, did you know that Guy
Fieri claims that he invented the concept of Cajun
chicken fettuccine alfredo? He's my problematic fave,
and I have to live with that. We've broken this recipe down into three incredibly easy to follow steps. We got those right there. We also got a full written
recipe down in the description. We also have a podcast called
"A Hot Dog is a Sandwich," the latest episode just dropped yesterday. Go click the link in the
description to get that wherever you get your podcasts. Well, let's get cooking. Let's talk about a little
bit of calzone theory here. So calzone, a lot of people have said, Josh, a pizza is an open-faced sandwich. That is an absolute lie. Nicole, is that ana absolute lie? Absolutely! Absolute lie, a calzone,
on the other hand, is also not a sandwich,
nor is it a dumpling. A calzone is a large hand pie, in the same family and
phylum as empanadae. So we're making like a giant
empanada-style pizza calzone, and you've had a calcium before. So we're taking some flour. Holy crap, I wasn't even
supposed to do that. I don't know why I did that. I looked at all this stuff, and I tried to piece it together, like when a toddler sees
like the pegs and the hole, and they're like, eh, a
square should probably go in that round hole. And you're like, you're an idiot, toddler. Anyways, we're gonna take this flour and put that in there. You wanna decant your flour into a large bowl, that way
you can spill it a little bit. Ah, we're making pizza though, but we're making Dorito
flavor-infused pizza dough here. So we got the chili powder, we got the paprika, we got the onion powder, we got the garlic powder. And we got a little bit of sugar that I'm gonna add to some
yeast blooming in warm water. And a little bit of olive oil. And then we got this stuff,
we got cheddar cheese powder, which I cannot recommend enough. Everyone should get cheddar cheese powder to keep in your pantry. Did someone gesture at me? Sorry, I'm easily distracted. I'm like a bird of prey
that sees something, like in the distance, and
then immediately just like, should I kill that? Nicole, just stop moving. So, gonna add our cheese
powder to the flour. We can pull this up and
just kinda mix it together. As we found out in the
"Myth Munchers" episode, a stand mixer is the best
way to make pizza dough. You let it knead for
like six, eight minutes. So, the theory here is when you're trying to make a Dorito
flavor-infused pizza dough, but then we're also going to
brush that down with egg wash, and then put actual crushed Doritos on it, 'cause the big problem with calzones, not enough flavor in the crust. You know, the calzone problem, the low-cal calzone problem. Low-cal calzone zone. I was an "Office" guy, and not
a big "Parks and Recs" guy, it's fine. What do you think this powder is that I forgot to put in there? I breathed in onion powder! That's a good way to find
out it's onion powder. All right, so we have
onion powder in there. We all have spices in there, and then we have our
yeast blooming in water with a little bit of sugar
just to activate it in the oil. And so, all's I'm gonna do
is I'm gonna turn this on, and I'm gonna stream this in there. There we go, there we go. Like, let it go on high. Oh, no, sorry! Maybe let it go on low. Okay, now it's coming together,
now it's coming together. The last time I had a calzone, lemme tell you a little story. It was at Giovanni's
restaurant, at UC Santa Barbara, and I took the six-pound
calzilla challenge. It was the only challenge, to this day, that I have failed from
an eating perspective. If you think about the
architecture of a calzone, when you make a calzone
that is six pounds, I have eaten a six-pound
burrito in less than 10 minutes from El Tepeyac in east Los Angeles, six pounds of food is nothing for me. But with a calzone, the problem
is the outside gets burnt, so it looks like it's cooked, but then you got this
giant roll of braided dough that's completely
uncooked, so there I was, 18-year-old, 260-pound
freshman at UC Santa Barbara, eating a six-pound calzone. I had 20 minutes left on the clock, and all I had left was crust. And so I take that crust,
and I start chewing. Then I find out that it is completely raw, and my jaw starts locking
up, trying to chew through this crust as
if it were chewing gum. And I think, oh, maybe
I can wet the crust. Maybe I can wet the crust in some water. So I dip it in my water, and I eat it, turns out the water
makes the crust seize up. So I'm sitting there with lockjaw, watching the time tick down on the clock. Everyone around me was
standing there cheering. The beer was flowing,
the owner of Giovanni's, Giovanni himself came out to see me. I would've been the
first person to ever beat the calzilla challenge, but I couldn't because of improperly
cooked calzone dough. Giovanni, ya sandbagged me on that one. I should've gotten the t-shirt, I should've gotten my
picture up on the wall! But instead, I got nothing. And I was so full afterwards
that I made myself throw up in the bushes, but I happened to be outside of a sorority house. And it was the most
popular sorority on campus. And then all the AP girls, they came out, and they just saw me just
throwing up in their bushes as they were going out
to a nice date night. College, man. Shut this off. Get this guy going, ah. I'm gonna take some olive oil, and I'm gonna grease up a little bowl. I'm gonna kinda, there's no point in balling it up, but I feel weird if I don't ball it up. Okay, I'm gonna ball the dough
up, and I'm gonna put that, rub it around in the grease a little bit, and then get little bit
more olive oil on top, and then I'm gonna take this
wet "Mythical Kitchen" towel, available now at Mythical.com, the official Doritos Locos
calzone dough resting towel of the "Mythical Kitchen,"
brought to you by towels. And I'm gonna let this
rest for about four hours, just to give it a rise. I know we said pizza dough
best fermenting for 48 hours, but this is calzone
dough, it's way different. It's pizza dough, but foldy. My knee cracked, did you hear that? Everybody, come on, clap it up! We're making Doritos Locos calzones here! One, you did this, you did this. Chris, I assume you do something, but from my perspective,
you kinda just stand there. We're doing the cooking show? Yes! That's exciting. All right, we gotta make the filling for the Doritos Locos calzone. We've made the Doritos
Locos portion of it, and we've made the calzone portion of it. Now we have to make
none of the other words, 'cause that's it. The Cheesecake Factory, in my mind, invented the concept of Cajun
chicken fettuccine alfredo, one of the most delicious
dishes known to man. That's kinda what we're doing. Except instead of Cajun,
well, we got a little bit of the Tony C's going on, but also we have the Taco Bell fire sauce going in there. How about instead of me
talking, I just like cook stuff? Would you like that? So, we got some oil going in a pan here. We're also making a little
bit of alfredo sauce, so we're gonna take this butter, and I'm gonna kinda mash it
up with a spoon a little bit. I don't like putting the whole
sticks of butter in a pan, 'cause then the butter starts browning, the outside of the butter starts browning, and then it doesn't work right. A lot of people think that alfredo sauce is not a traditional Italian dish. Like, technically it was invented in Rome for a pregnant American tourist. Look up the story. Traditional Italian alfredo,
albeit incredibly rare, is literally an
emulsification of pasta water with Parmesan, and a lot of butter. The Americans tend to
add heavy cream to it. And then once you get into
like TikTok mom territory, you start throwing in
bricks of cream cheese. That's also the Nicole method. Nicole, you gave me the best
TikTok mom one day, oh my God. And we're getting a couple
cloves of minced garlic in there. We wanna start getting the
garlic expressed into the butter. We're getting some black
peppercorns in there. That's cool, it's gonna
make it taste like pepper. I also wanna start with bacon. There's another influence in my cooking. Some chefs say they're influenced
by the greats, you know, the Marco Pierre Whites, the
Jean-Georges Vongerichtens. I'm influenced by the Costcos,
you ever get a chicken bake? One of the modern marvels
of the culinary world, Caesar salad dressing
inside a little calzone, bake it, keep it hot for nine hours, sell it for three dollars. It's got 1,100 calories in it, and it is one of the most
delicious things you'll ever eat. So I'm trying to do something
a little bit similar to that. So we're getting our
bacon rendering in there, I'm gonna let that fat render out of that. Then we're gonna get our vegs sauteing. We got that butter nice and melted. I'm gonna add all the heavy cream to that. Yeah, this is a real
light recipe, you know? Like a little light, clean eating. Someone invited me to
be on a paleo podcast, and I was like, I don't know
if you've seen what I do. Paleo, get the heck outta here. I could've beat up the caveman, they were like this big! All right. We don't wanna heat it too much, 'cause we don't want
that butter to separate. I'm gonna take that Parmesan. I'm gonna get that in there. It's gonna get nice and thick. Now we gotta toss in our mushrooms there. We're tossing in some onions into that. Sorry. And now we're gonna saute this around. But we're, what, people
on the Food Network, they don't do this. You know, why do I do this? There's no chicken here. All right, we're going to get a little bit of fire sauce in there. But this is gonna set up a little bit, we're gonna boil it down a little bit. Meanwhile, we got other stuff cooking. We got the mushrooms, we got the bacon, we got the onions in there. But now, what's this called, Nicole? Nicole, what is this ingredient? Chicken! Chim, chimkan? Chimkan, we're gonna go
ahead and add our chimkan. Never heard of it. Into the pan. We're gonna hit her with a little bit of Tony Chachere's in there. There we go. Then I'm just gonna saute this around. There we go, and then later, we're gonna hit it into the sauce. You wanna keep your heat
super high on this pan to get a nice, good sear on that. Gee, is this going into one calzone? Golly, this is a lot! Well, I'm excited. So, that's good, we're pulling the sauce, we're pulling the sauce. That looks great. We're gonna toss both these, and we're gonna get a whole lot of moz-adele cheese in there. That's how Giada De
Laurentiis says said it, she says moz-adele. We're gonna get a whole
lot of moz-adele cheese inside of Doritos Locos. Oh, I turned the heat off a while ago. That's why it wasn't cooking. Ah! Long day, oh. Just kidding, it's oil, ya morons. Welcome back to the cooking show. I gotta thing of butter smelling Crisco. It's not quite flavored like butter, but it smells like butter. I'm gonna lube with my hands. Guys, we we got this Dorito calzone dough. Not even close to pizza dough, wow, Silver, stop yelling at me! For once in your life, dad, I don't wanna go to technical school! So we're gonna take this Dorito dough, and we're just gonna
press it out a little bit. Lemme get a little more in here. You don't have to make a big
show of tossing it, you know? That's some fancy pants hot
shot show-off type stuff, and also I can't do it. Every time I've tried to
toss pizza dough in here, I screw it up, I hit Chris's boom, I get it in the rafters,
it's embarrassing! All right. So we're gonna press
this out a little bit. Yeah, keep working that out. Hai, palm heel strike! There we go. All right, so this is
pretty much pressed out. We don't wanna create a crust on this, because we're gonna
roll it over on itself. And then, again, there, perfect. Mm, kinda hard to breathe. Vi, can you come punch me in the chest? Right here? Hee-yah!
Nice! Um, you had an explosion. I had a accident. Oh, you want a Dorito? Uh-oh, they're coming out the bottom. So we're gonna get our Doritos in there. We're eventually gonna
crust that in Doritos. Now we got, there is wine,
we have about three weeks. I'm still shaking it out of my apron. You can hear it. It's in my jorts! The Dorito has ruined my jorts! Oh my God, I'm covered
in cheese and crumbs. This is how my dream ends! Look, we can finish it, the
Doritos aren't that distracting. Guys, the outro to this definitely has to be me just sweeping. All right, so we're
gonna take some cheese, and we're gonna put it onto
one side or right there. We're gonna get cheese on both layers, and we want this to be extra cheesy, because it's Doritos! Doritos are extra cheesy. You're extra cheesy. Trevor's the cheesiest GD person I know. It's been an honor working with you. That sounds like you're getting fired, I don't know why I said that. I just meant like, it has been an honor, it is currently an honor, and
will be long into the future. Assuming that's what your career goals, I, you know, I don't,
but if you, you know, if you'd like a letter of
recommendation, all is- Make the calzone. Okay, I gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Thanks, buddy. Keeping me on track. All right, now we're gonna mound up a whole lot of this filling right here. It turned a little
grayer than I want it to, and it looks a little bit like gruel. This looks like the Hormel
ready-to-eat dinners that you feed babies. You're not supposed to feed babies those, don't feed a baby a Hormel
ready-to-eat dinner. That's probably a hazard. And that teaches me that I
shouldn't give parenting advice. If anyone's watching the
show for parenting advice, God, I'm sorry. All right, so we got a lot
of that cheese mounded up. And I'm gonna take the dough,
and very carefully do that! Let's stretch it over, and I'm just gonna sorta crimp the edges down. This is a fat boy! And there's enough oil on the dough that when we bake it off like this, it should kinda just loose itself through all of the weeping Dorito fat. And keep crimping with your fingies. So, gonna take this, and I'm gonna score the calzone four times. The reason you score a calzone is because you want air
pockets for steam to escape, otherwise it's gonna bubble
up, and it could burst. And we don't this beautiful
slap in the face to God of a creation to burst. There we go, so, I got the calzone scored. This is gonna go in the
oven for 10 minutes. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna blend up these here 'Ritos, then
after 10 minutes in the oven, this is gonna be almost fully cooked. We're gonna brush it down with egg wash, get Doritos on there, to pop
it back in, just to finish it. Really tighten that up. Wow, man, this is awesome. Excuse me. Whew! Sorry about the Doritos, everyone. I don't know what happened. Well, I know what happened. I told Vi to punch me in the chest, and I had Doritos there,
that's probably what did it. I'm gonna take a little
bit of a, that green one. What's this one called? Rosemarie. I'm gonna take some thyme
to drop that into there. We're just getting an herbed
Dorito crust, of course. And a little bit of, why is the holes? Boy, if your oregano is
that size, it's bad oregano! What do they, they've set
themselves up for failure. What are you get a little oregano essence, with the little holes? Come on! Form follows function, read a book. All right, now we're just
gonna crush up these Doritos. And you know, I'm just gonna go instinct. Nope, swing and a miss. Swing it with, wait, did
I have it right though? No. No, I feel like I've
never seen this before. I think this goes this way. Not that way. That goes that way,
it's locked into place, so it should work, look at that! Oh God, it was already on. That's how you do it, you gotta
knock it loose a little bit. And you stop it, and
instead of like, you know, oh, take a silicone
spatula, no, you don't. There we go, there's
our herbed Dorito crust. All right, so you're gonna
take your falconer's glove, and, Maverick, kommen mit! Thanks, Trevor. All right, we're gonna pull
the calzone out of the oven, and egg wash it. Didn't inspect a falconer's bit, did you? Oh, this is just leaking grease! Ow, this does not prevent against heat, why do we have this in the drawer? Well, I'm still using
it to put it back in. So we're gonna egg wash this. You gotta egg wash it
quick 'cause this is gonna turn to scrambled eggs almost immediately. So, we're gonna do this. Well, I thought, if you put
Doritos on in the beginning, they'd burn in there. You could just eat this. This looks nice as it is, but I really wanna get
fresh Doritos on it. So again, you're gonna have to egg wash, and then put Doritos on immediately. Yep, this is what we're doing now. I think the Doritos should
help soak up the grease. That's how you know we
don't cook the stuff that most people do, when
you're using phrases like, the Doritos should soak up the grease. And a little bit more. Yeah, hold on, I'm gonna
brush the backside. This is technically called
the taint of the calzone. And kinda. They call that Mis
Milanese style in Italy. All right, and now we're
gonna take this glove, that again, does not work, I think it actually amplifies
the heat coming from this pan. And I'm gonna pop it back in the oven. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Whew! All right, another five minutes, and then we can eat this
here Dorito calzone. Look at this big old son of a biscuit. Look at her twirl. All right, I'm gonna cut into it. This is just gonna explode
with grease and cheese, and I'm pretty excited about it. Oh yeah. Oh, look at that. That, you mother clucker. This is something. Should I, can I eat it? Can I lick it? What we've essentially done is made a Dorito Costco chicken bake. That's exactly what the inside
of a Costco chicken bake is. I know, 'cause sometimes I
bite off the end like a cigar, and go, pff, and I spit out the crust, and then I just slurp
down the insides of it. It's low carb that way. When I'm eating calzones,
or when I'm eating pizza, I go into the marinara first, and then I go directly into the ranch. Mm. Come on, man, that's so good. This is incredible, it's like
incredibly soul satisfying in such a deep way. I think, especially because of the amount of labor and work that we put into it. But I mean, it's unbelievably tasty. You get the little bit of spice, I'm throwing Doritos with my gestures! You get that little bit of
spice from the fire sauce, you're getting all the
crunch from the Doritos. Oh, my God, this is good! But hey, you know what they say! Food is not food unless you
share it with your friends. Vi, come get this fork! God, that's good. Oh, I wanna take a sip of
ranch, but it shouldn't. Vi, you wanna ranch? Okay. So, I'm gonna take a spork glove, and I mean, God, I'm sorry. Vi, I am wielding the glove of power, are you ready for your sporkening? I'm so ready! All right, come here. Here, lemme. You know you cannot pick that up with all those sporks on your hand. Wanna bet? Hold on. Oh, you cheated! No, I didn't cheat, I used the spork. Here, look, now it's all sporks. You know what? Vi, try it, wait, do you
want a different sauce? Yeah, yeah, just that one, 'cause I saw you slurp that
earlier, and it's not sanitized. Yeah, here, it's folding over on itself, you gotta get it.
Okay, okay. You gotta get into it. Vi, you got a little
problem with lactose, right? Yeah, I do. Have one with that one. Wow, I'm a huge fan of
chicken and cheese everything. So, hold on. I know, it's so chewy,
with all the mozzarella. It's so good though. You can taste all the spices. The Dorito is the first thing I taste, so that's probably my favorite part, 'cause I'm actually a Dorito fan. But other than that, it's
amazing, and I love it. And it doesn't need ranch,
don't let Josh fool you. Uh, it doesn't need ranch, Vi, but you're gonna want some ranch on it. No, I don't want it. Vi, thank you so much for
being our sporky today. And thank you so much for stopping by the "Mythical Kitchen." We got new episodes for you every week. We got new episodes of our podcast, "A Hot Dog is a Sandwich,"
every Wednesday, wherever you got your podcasts. Hit us up on Instagram, @MythicalKitchen, under #DreamsBecomeFood, pictures of your Mythical
dishes, just like Sydney did. Sydney and her husband started
cooking during quarantine, and they started watching a lot of "Mythical Kitchen" videos, and then she bought her husband and his best friend of 10
years and college roommate matching "Mythical Kitchen" aprons. And they made these really awesome-looking Oreo biscuits and gravy that we did like way back in the day. It looks really incredible. Sydney, thank you so much for the support, and buying the aprons, and the boys, you look so good in them. Truly, thank you so much. Keep submitting. Ew! Okay, that was disturbing. I'm gonna put that down. No, that was mine! Now I really can't touch either of them. So rude. I'm having a great time. I'm a mess.
Oh my God, guys, Josh is cleaning! It's a great day! I help out. This is like when the mayor
does the photo shoot of like, picking up a single can at the LA River, and they're like, Mayor
Garcetti cares about LA. And then like, your ass
threw that back in the river! You know you did! Speaking of which. You can cook up your own feast while wearing the
"Mythical Kitchen" apron, available now at Mythical.com.
