We're at the top, top
of the parking garage. It's a fun place to be. This is the scenic point in Burbank. Wow, you're really going
for it with that bag. Yeah, I'm just really unceremonious here. So grabbing Five Guys burgers. So what we've got to remember about these is we've gotten every
single topping on it. Bacon, green peppers,
grilled onions, raw onions, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise,
mustard, steak sauce, literally all of it and we have done that. This is a wet burger.
Dang, it's so big. Five Guys, they make a nice cheeseburger. Mm hmm. I like how doughy the bread is. It's a nice spongy sesame seed bun. The burgers are griddle
cooked super, super hard. It's really good but how are we gonna make it fancy though? So they got like thin-cut bacon. I'm thinking we do some
thick-cut pork belly. We braise it, we fry it. We've got some cool flavors in there. We'll figure that out later. But all the condiments, there's cool stuff to play with that we haven't
seen in burgers before. Gimme that, what are you doing, silly? Like mushrooms, we can
do fancy wild mushrooms. We can do maybe a French
preparation with some red wine. I don't know, maybe some sort of caramelized onion situation. We can do like a jam or a marmalade. Okay.
And green peppers. These are things we've
never worked with before, which is why I'm really
excited to fancify this. Can we make it really, really big? We're gonna make it comically big again and it's not gonna fit in our
mouths but we're gonna try. That's just gonna happen. Emily, we gotta start
making the burger patties for this here fancy Five
Guys burger patties. So we have American Wagyu beef right here. We have in American Wagyu ribeye, American Wagyu New York strip,
American Wagyu tenderloin and we're gonna take all three steaks and we're gonna sort of
grind and mash 'em together, then put 'em into a burger patty. What is Wagyu beef? People say it and I just go "Yes." Indeed. So Wagyu literally just
means "Japanese cow." So gyu is a Japanese word for cow and then wa is, what's
that word, prep, pre? Fix.
Prefix? I'm a writer and I don't
subscribe to any of that. But it basically means that it comes from the lineage of the famous Kobe beef that they feed the cows
beer to relax them. I want to be that cow. Can you turn on the meat grinder? You want me to do it? Yeah, find a button. So it's literally just
got on, off and rev. What is rev? Well see what it does.
I'm scared. I don't know, I don't use the equipment. Emily, just keep your digits clear. But I have to touch it. Unless you really like
see something shiny, then you're gonna want to reach
the fingers down in that hole. Get out of there. So I'm gonna sort of like
try and stagger these here. I'm gonna need you to
plunge the hole eventually. Are you a good hole-plunger? Oh boy, they all knew we were gonna say something like that. We were getting there one way or another. All right, so turn this on
and start plunging the hole. Okay. You plunge the hole, I'll catch the meat. It's not necessarily,
I just want to do it. Yeah, really jam it down there. I'm jamming. Is the rev not the thing?
Wait, hold on. Turn off the... Where'd the beef go? I was pushing rev 'cause I thought that meant I would have
control over the button. No, I think rev maybe just
makes it like it's an idol. It's reverse.
That's reverse. It stands for reverse . No, no, no, the reverse
function is when you have- Did I break it? The reverse function is
when you have ground beef, you run it back up and it
turns into a steak again. Listen, let the record
show I said "What is rev?" Baby, don't hurt me. Why would there be a function
just to rev the engine? There we go. Yeah, push it harder. Wait, turn it off, turn
it off, turn it off. So if you see, there's kind of
a logjam of meat right there. That's 'cause our steaks
weren't cold enough. All right, so we just need
to get the steaks cold. So we're just gonna
pop 'em in the freezer, wait a little bit and
then hopefully it'll work. All right.
I am hopeful. I wish I was helpful ever. So the beef is now frozen, so it should be able to
go through this grinder. I'm gonna mash this in here. It is on. There we go, there we go. All this beef ground up, that's fantastic. Look at this, we successfully
did a simple cooking task. Yeah, we is a fun word to use. All right, so we got all our beef now. So now we're gonna form some patties. So what we're gonna do, here, grab that bottle of vegetable
oil, we gotta lube up. Is that what this bottle is? Yes. It doesn't say vegetable oil. Lube me up, I always like
to lube up when I'm making, lube yourself up too.
Should I lube up? Yeah, lube up. I always like to lube up
before grinding burgers. I'm gonna take this and
just kind of like form it in my hands, I don't want
to smash it too much. So why are you using vegetable
oil instead of olive oil? Yeah, so that's a good cooking question. See, I have value. We can give them cooking tips. Any time you use olive oil, olive oil has a really low smoke point, which means it doesn't like high heat. That means that olive oil on the outside, even if it's a small amount, can burn. That said, olive oil
also just has a really strong flavor that you may
not want with beef, right? The more olive oil on your beef, the less it's going to taste like beef. Okay.
Although an old roommate of mine swore by coconut oil.
Ew. Don't know what to tell
you, it's non-toxic. I don't like that, I
don't want a sweetness. I didn't like the sounds
coming from his room. These are looking pretty good. We got some big old
thick boy burger patties. We're gonna let these rest
and we're gonna get on working on the other condiments
for this here burger and then we have to cook these,
this is gonna be dummy thick. I can't wait for this.
Just dummy thick, woo. Slap the burger, it feels good. We've made bacon once, we've made it 1,000 times on the show. Yeah, sure. I assume. There's bacon on this Five Guys burger. I thought we could jazz
it up a little bit. So what I want to do is I
want to make something kind of like bacon in the style of
Filipino pork belly adobo, which to me is one of the most flavorful, beautiful dishes in the world. I make it all the time at home. Are you ready for that?
Sure. First, you need to start palm heel striking all this garlic just to crush it to release all that allicin in there. I'm gonna take off my scrunchie 'cause I don't want my
scrunchie to get garlicky. Stack the elbow over the wrist and it's just like a downward motion. Yeah, so we're gonna lose about 80% of this garlic but that's totally fine. I don't know if my palm
is that impressive. Do it, do it, do it. Ya! No mercy. All right, so what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna add the peppercorns to the pan. If one falls off, I'm gonna
kick it up and snag it. Snag it?
Yeah. Kick it up, watch. Ow. Ow, that was a hard one. You gotta stack the elbow and go down. Oh, go like that, okay.
Yeah, yeah. All right, so we're just
toasting up these peppercorns, waiting for 'em to get nice and fragrant. These are thick boys. There it is.
Ow, ow. Drop the hips down, Emily, no weakness. You can add a little bit of
water to that pot right there. This one went on the floor, we can't- What? This is worse than a movie theater floor, by the way.
No kidding. I've been on movie theater floors and I've been on this floor. That one did it just really nice. I'm adding some bay leaves to the pot. So right now, we just got water, we got peppercorns, we got bay leaves. I'm gonna add some onions. Ah no, I lost all of the garlic. Just scoop it up and throw it in the pot. Sometimes 80% of your
garlic's on the floor. This really reminds me of like the time I really wanted
to be a Power Ranger, so I got my parents to
pay for Taekwondo classes and then I left after the first class 'cause I was really uncomfortable calling a grown man I don't know master. Yeah, there's some weird, I've seen "50 Shades of Grey."
I don't know you. It's not for some. So this is a big old thing of
skin on pork belly right here. You see this is bacon right here, right? Like this is the part
that bacon comes from. So what we're gonna do,
we're gonna braise this down in all these aromatics and
then we're gonna chill it, we're gonna slice it thin
like bacon, deep fry it so it's crispy and then hit
it with the reduced glaze. So what we've got going on here, our main flavors in adobo
are vinegar and soy sauce. Some people do a one-to-one ratio. Some people go as deep as
two to one on vinegar to soy. I typically like to stay to
a 1.25 to one vinegar to soy. So we're just gonna measure it. Ooh math, everyone loves that. I need to wash my hands
cause they're stinky. No, you're fine, you
know what you need to do? Drinking has been, you know, a fraught relationship with
the ol' YouTube algorithm. So I think I found a solution. If we can't drink alcohol, we can at least drink other things that have been aged in alcohol barrels. This is whiskey barrel-aged
Shoyu soy sauce. Just give that nice little sip. Are we gonna shoot it? I heard Ben say "Shoot it." Shoot it. All right, cool. Ooh, it's so good though. This is really freaking good soy sauce. Really good. Big, round, tons of umami. Nice mouth feel. I wish there was a cocktail that had soy sauce in it, is there one? No, but we can make one. Just not in front of
the kids on the YouTube. Right, at adult time.
At adult, I don't like calling adults master and I don't like saying the
words "adult time" at work. No . We're gonna pop a lid on this. That's also just a big old pizza pan and we'll let that boil for
about three and a half hours. Well actually we're gonna drop it down to a simmer and then we're
gonna chill it, we're gonna slice it, we're gonna fry
it, we're gonna glaze it and finish that bottle of soy sauce. We're not finishing a bottle. We're gonna get kidney
stones by the end of this. Ew. I thought you liked to party. I don't, well. We have our pork belly. This has been braising for
about three and a half hours. We got it in the fridge, it's
chilled for two hours now and so what we're gonna do is we're just gonna cut out little
thick boy slices of this. Yeah, and then we're gonna
dredge this in rice flour. Dredge tastes like fudge. Oh yeah, can you tell
the people a little bit about your fascination
with what words taste like? Thanks to the great wide world of TikTok, I've found out that I have a weird form of synesthesia where some
words have flavors to me. What does my name taste like? I hate when people ask me that name stuff. That's not really like how it works. Sorry for misunderstanding. Well no, I told you what it tasted like and now I can't, oh, Pepsi. Yeah, yeah, my name
tastes like discount cola. It tastes like Pepsi, Josh. Well you have to say it and
pronounce it a certain way. 'Cause you go "Shh," it
tastes like carbonation. Oh, I thought I just tasted like Pepsi 'cause I look like Josh is the name of a waiter who would go, "Is Pepsi okay?" You know Josh, Pepsi's never okay. Well sometimes it's the word that sounds like another word and then
that's what evokes the flavor, like dredge and fudge has
that "dge" at the end of it. We got this pork belly cut. Not that we're doing a thing
here, not to disrupt your- I'll talk about it later but- We dredged some of the pork belly. I cut this one in half because
I want us to just try this. We're gonna drop that in a hot fryer and we're gonna start
frying up the other pieces. I wanted some snackies for us. We've got a long road.
I want to do it. Do it, yeah, yeah, dredge it. So this burger, Five Guys, I figured the fanciest thing we could do is everything
in excess, right? That's very fancy for people. Is that what they're kind of known for? Yes, they literally call
their double cheeseburger a normal cheeseburger and then
if you just want one patty, they call like a junior cheeseburger. They're like shaming people, like "Oh, you want the little kid's
size was just one beef disc, you tiny little small, weak man?" So we're making this double
cheeseburger and then they have you like add on
your own toppings manually. So I figured we're just
gonna do all the toppings. So we're getting the bacon and the cheese, the green peppers, the onions,
the pickles, the jalapenos, the mustard, the barbecue sauce, the A1, the ketchup, the mayonnaise,
we're doing it all. Do you think that they're like it's all about excess 'cause
there's too many guys? Yeah, five guys is too many. We could have been just
one guy but we're five. This is looking pretty awesome. Whoa.
This is looking super nice and crispy right here. I just kinda want to hack this up. You wanna eat it? It's
probably incredibly hot. Okay. Owie. Whoa. Oh, golden nugget of deliciousness. It's really peppery. We didn't add any additional pepper to it. It's literally just the flavors from the braising liquid that
are infusing this pork. It's really good. Then we're also gonna get all that flavor back on top of it. All right, so check it out, so we got all this crispy fried
pork belly out of the fryer. I mean this is just silly at this point and now we're gonna take
it and we're just gonna add all of these to the glaze
and we're gonna reduce that. We put just a little bit of sugar into that adobo at the
beginning and normally I wouldn't even do that
with adobo but I really love getting a little bit of
sweetness in that glaze. So we're just gonna let it
kind of like chill in there. Let the glaze cook into it a little bit. Doesn't this smell like
a Panda Express to you? I just heard that "I'm Never
Gonna Dance Again" song and I didn't hear anything you just said. Don't sing it, we can't do that. I'm gonna take these out, get 'em resting on this baking rack. Look at that.
The color is pretty too. Yeah, it's really gorgeous. I mean all that super
dark barrel-aged soy. That is a big boy, boy. Yeah but the good news is it's
going on a whole hamburger with multiple patties and
every single condiment. Nicole, doesn't it look like brisket? Why do you seek her validation over mine? Well 'cause she talks about brisket sometimes and I seek
her approval, you know? I seek Nicole's approval too. Nicole, tell us we're doing good. I want Nicole to like me so much. This is for snacking. We need to keep our energy high. We've got a lot more to do. Yes, yes, yes, we need it. So Five Guys, they got all five guys back there and they're
grilling up mushrooms. That's what we're doing right now. Are you making me do this again? Last time, you seemed to be worried about how much garlic you're losing. What I want you to worry
about is hand speed. I'm not worried about how
much garlic I'm losing. I just have arthritis all of the sudden. If an attacker comes in a parking garage, are they gonna worry about your arthritis? No, you need hand speed. You need hand speed on
the palm heel strike. We're teaching human self-defense and also proper French mushroom cookery. I want one of those extendible sticks. These are baby king trumpet mushrooms, they're like little
prince trumpet mushrooms. That's so cute.
They're very cool. King trumpets, I love them because they have a super meaty texture. Okay, can I try one raw?
I guess. It's gonna be like probably kind of weird. It has boobs, look . It tastes like Styrofoam. Whatever. So I'm gonna de-glaze these
mushrooms with all that wine. I'm gonna get 'em searing right
now in a screaming hot pan. Also this is Celtic sea
salt, this is gray sea salt. Truly fantastic, here, eat some salt. There it is, you know I
got a perfect little rock. Let me take all these shallots, dump that in there right now. I want to get a fair
amount of color on this. I'm wanna get some nice
char on those mushrooms. That's really gonna go well with all that beefy flavor from the stock. So what we're gonna do, we're gonna de-glaze it with this
incredible wine right here. Typically you'd use a Bordeaux wine but we're using this
Italian Le Serre Nuove Dell, Le Serre, Le Serre Nuove Dell'Ornellaia. Dell'Ornellaia. Dell'naral, haralala. Haralala booya. The Spirit has possessed you. This is how I feel right now. Anyways, this is a blend of a Cabernet, of Cab Franc, of Merlot. Got a ton of tannic structure to it which is what I really want for this. Give it a lot of complexity
to go with that beef stock. Uh-oh.
Uh-Oh. The babies are out of the basket. Babies are out of the basket? Listen man, something
came out of my mouth. I didn't plan for it.
Babies are in a basket? That's where you put babies, right? Yeah, that's where I put mine. Then you put 'em in the river. When I, what? Like in a safe basket.
That's like Moses. Like a floating basket,
like one made of reeds. Don't put your babies in the river. Don't put babies in the river. So I'm gonna de-glaze this with wine. I don't know what people do with babies. Yeah, there we go. We want a really high heat to
de-glaze as fast as possible. Emily, strip this thyme.
Okay. Yeah, look at that, look at that. Ow.
What? The steam.
It's fine. You don't feel pain and it's so weird. So we're gonna add some
beef stock to that too. I know that if he got menstrual cramps though, he couldn't hack it. Oh god no, cheese and rice,
that seems like a nightmare. I'm so sorry that you have to do that. That's nice.
Okay, so this is very cool. This is very fancy butter. This is Burro di Centrifuga. So this is Italian butter that is actually made in a centrifuge. So you're gonna get an even bigger- What's a centrifuge? Are you familiar with what they call the God Particle or particle accelerators? Oh god, how many things are you gonna have to explain to me? It's a big old machine that
like spins stuff real fast. So it essentially like spins the water out and butter's typically made slow churning. This is incredibly fast-churned butter. I want this to reduce a little bit more 'til the liquid is like
almost, almost gone. All right, so this needs
to reduce quite a bit. What are you doing with that baby? Don't put it in the river. Emily, come help me find this baby. We gotta save it. Oh god, that's good, baby,
you're gonna be okay. Ooh, that's pretty good. All right, I'm gonna get
a whole lot of butter in this 'cause I want all
that butter to soak up into them shrooms and then go
ahead Emily, give that a toss. Give that a toss, just
let the butter melt. What does that mean?
I want you to do something. Just like .
Here we go. Telling me I don't do anything. Just like move it around, move the whole in like a sweeping motion. It looks like it's getting all creamy now. There we go, that's the idea is we want all that wine in the stock
to reduce to essentially concentrate all the flavors and the butter is just gonna add a
ton of that creaminess, it's gonna soak into the mushrooms and then we're just gonna kind of put that on a burger almost as like
a half condiment sauce, half vegetable component. You wanna try it?
Sure. Try that shroom.
Thanks. All right, the mushrooms are done. One of our vegetable components is done. We got two more hyper-stylized
Ryan Adams vegetables, what? That's even better than the bacon. Yeah, this is gonna be a
flavorful freaking hamburger. Oh my god. So they have grilled green peppers. You can get 'em grilled,
you can get 'em raw. They also have grilled onions. So I figured we'd jazz it up a little bit. So instead of making grilled onions, we're gonna make a nice
balsamic onion jam. We got this legit balsamico di Modena. "Any balsamic that doesn't come from Modena is not balsamic at all," yelled my Italian roommates at me when I got them Trader Joe's balsamic. That's just a real story. Anyway, so making a balsamic onion jam. I'll get that going but
what I need you to do, we're gonna make some sort of Provence-style marinade with bell peppers. Typically it would be red bell peppers but we're gonna use green bell peppers because that's what Five Guys uses. We're gonna hit up some herbes de Provence but first, torch the crap
out of these bell peppers. Take our double fire-breathing
dragon blowtorch right there. Is it these buttons?
Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. So I'm gonna get just a bunch
of butter into this pot. Yeah, light 'em up. We got butter in the pot and now I'm gonna add
all these here onions. I feel like Tank Girl. Yeah, Lori Petty, oh my god, great movie. Lori Petty rules, everybody. Ice-T as a sexy kangaroo.
Why is it sexy though? Those kangaroos ooze
sex appeal, that's why. They really do. So we're gonna add black pepper, a little bit of gray sea salt
and then turbinado sugar. So turbinado sugar, sugar in the raw. That's gonna add some
lovely, nice sweetness. Nah, you gotta hold it there and torch it. Yeah. Get close to it. We want that blackened skin. It's fun though, right? It's really fun.
Having a good time. And it smells really good.
Yeah. That's how you roast peppers. There you go, yeah, all
over, completely black. Nature's marshmallow. I'm gonna take some of
this balsamic vinegar and I'm just gonna get
a whole lot of that. Real balsamic vinegar should
be nice and syrupy like this. It shouldn't be super runny. So we got the onions kind
of soft and we're getting a lot of that syrupy,
sugary balsamic in there. Then all we're gonna do is continue cooking this down for about 20 minutes. Get it super, super jammy. That's nice, yeah. The pepper might start
moving, the pan might warp. Don't let that deter you. Why is the flame ever off? Flame should be always
on, just keep going. I like to take breaks. We don't take breaks in the kitchen. We're like legally, like we do. There we go, there we go, yeah. It's hard to get it in the crack. Yeah, sometimes you just got two options. Shove harder or lube more. Can I grab this? I don't know, can you?
Yeah, easy. So I'm just gonna get that in here and we're just gonna start
sloughing off all that skin. This is kinda what it smells like when the Chuck E. Cheese
band like overheats. Yes. I talked about my grandpa's nose and how he he liked to drink. He would take me and my sister
to Chuck E. Cheese a lot and he would just drink a whole
pitcher of beer by himself and watch the band play and
my sister and I would go get pee on our jeans
'cause there was always pee in the tubes, in the hamster tubes. Growing up is learning
that adults mostly went to Chuck E. Cheese with
you so they could drink. So I'm gonna cut these peppers into like nice, large,
big chunks right here. So what we've got here is a mason jar. I'm gonna add a ton of
herbes de Provence in it. Emily, smell it, smell
it, smell it, smell that. It smells like licorice.
It smells like licorice. That's probably, there's fennel seed, there is lavender, there is rosemary, there is margarine, there's thyme, there's oregano but lavender is the thing we mostly associate
herbes de Provence with. So I'm gonna add a bunch
of this Olio Verde. This is a nice young green olive oil. It should get some nice verdancy to go with those herbs in there. So start just like massaging
that pepper in there and try and get all the black stuff off. So we're getting a lot
of olive oil in there. We're gonna hit it with
a little bit of salt. The goal is just to marinate these peppers really nice and lightly to
get a little bit of lightness in this three pound
Wagyu beef cheeseburger. Come on, what are we doing? This is fun. And then sherry vinegar is one of my favorite
ingredients to cook with. Gonna get a little bit of that in there and we're not trying to make a pickle. We just want to get a
little bit of acid in there and then we're just gonna
start packing these in. Ooh, this is fun. Hey Emily, cool, wow, we made marinated green bell peppers and herbes de Provence,
that's pretty chill. That is, my hands are cold. Then I'm gonna let the onions cook down for like another five minutes. Is this enough stuff off of it or do you really want every single little? We only needed the one
bell pepper the whole time, is me being honest. I wanted to give you something to do. We can start making the burgers now. Oh, we can?
Yeah. I did all this stuff. I just want to play in my
tiny little dirty bathtub. You can do it, I'll take the ingredients. Whatever .
Go over here. We got it, I'll grab the next one. Can we go save that baby again? I want to save the baby again. Ooh, there's that baby. Emily, we have our large beef babies in our hands and now we
must put them in the basket. So I'm gonna lube up this
griddle a little bit. So on three, try and flip
it, try and hit this side. I'm gonna try and go this
side on three, one, two, go. There it is and so now we're
gonna let these griddle. We're gonna press it in a little bit. So now we can peel off the paper. Look at that, these big old beef babies. All right, so we're gonna season 'em up. This is that beautiful Celtic sea salt. Here, grab a pinch, season up that burger. There we go, love it and then some nice Tellicherry
black peppercorns here. I have heard a rumor that Five Guys does not salt their burgers but that means that I don't really miss
it at the Five Guys. That said, I refuse to
cook an unsalted burger. So that's why we're adding salt to ours. You got more pepper on it and so I'm gonna put more pepper on. Ow.
Sorry. Did I get your eye with the pepper? I felt it but I think my excessive amount of
mascara has blocked it. It's not excessive, you look great. I think it's nice.
Thank you. Yeah. We're gonna let this
cook for about another 60 seconds just to get a
really hard sear on it. We don't want to cook these like fully but get 'em to like about a medium-well and then if you see this, we
got, Emily, whoa, holy crap. It's so pretty and it's so thick, like a yoga mat for babies. We never set out to make like giant food. But like I had three pounds of Wagyu steak and I wanted to use it all. Things just kinda got out of hand. I don't think it got out of hand. Oh no, this is gonna splatter. Yeah, it's gonna splatter. Ow! Okay, Emily, put cheese
on top of that one. I'm gonna flip this one. Oh my god, I love this. Look at how beautiful it is. Here, I'm gonna go under, you go over. Now I'm gonna put this one. Ah. Watch out for the splash. If you run that way, then
you won't get the splash. Great, and then you're gonna
add cheese to that one. This cheese is just blanketing
over the whole burger. I really love this cheese,
Nicole really crushed this. Nicole, you nailed the cheese, girl. Oh yeah, I'm supposed to
mention that in New York, there's a bar above a Five Guys that you should go to and I forget
the name of the bar and the people I know
there are gonna kill me. I'm just gonna kind of
support this from the bottom. Get this off, all right Emily, are you ready to finally build this finally burger of the finalities? Okay.
Ooh, snacky. Ooh, I'm not touching it yet, okay, good. So we have nice, big, beautiful, voluptuous buns made by Trevor. If you go to Twitter
and search #TrevorsBuns, you'll see a bunch of fantastic pictures. So we're gonna take this and we gotta start stacking all of
the condiments on there. So we're gonna use every single thing that Five Guys uses except fancy. So this is mayonnaise, this is Sir Kensington's Fancy Mayonnaise. And this is just like a fancy relish? Yeah, get some fancy relish on there. Ooh, that looks really good.
Fancy mustard. I used to not like relish.
Yeah, that's enough. We gotta be judicious with
our condiments and then scatter some pickles around.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means
what you think it means. Put some cornichons on there, that's the little baby pickles. Baby pickles.
Yeah. Get some on there and then
I'm gonna start getting, yeah, try and get some on the edges 'cause this is gonna be like a
heavily-architectured burger. Oh man, I like these pickles. So these are called what kind of pickles? Cornichons.
I thought they were gherkin. What's a gherkin? A gherkin's a less fancy
name for a cornichon. Oh cool, so I was right.
You were right. All right, now can you get
some of those mushrooms? It's hard to tell if they're onions or mushrooms at this point
because they're just like- Yeah dude, I don't know what's going on. This just looks like a log that got mushy in the river. Yeah but it's fancy and nice. Okay, this is good,
spread this out evenly. We need to make a nice large base for all this delicious adobo
glazed pork belly right here. Kind of mash that down. We got all that stuff,
so now can you hold this? This is the burgers obviously and now let's see if I
can just get under it. Yeah, brace it and just
slide that right on there. There we go, fantastic, fantastic and now we have to start
getting some veggies on there. So I'm gonna take some
of these green peppers. What are you doing, you dancing again? Where do I put this? You said you were never
gonna dance again, Emily. You told me, you looked
me dead in the eye. My feet are so guilty.
Guilty feet? They ain't got no rhythm.
Ain't got no rhythm. Okay, so we got this, so
now lettuce, just a couple- What kind of lettuce is that? Nominal.
Are you serious? That's a very stupid, that's a bad joke. This is just beautiful,
beautiful, gorgeous red leaf that we got from
the local farmer's market. Look at those tomatoes. And then we're gonna take
some heirloom tomatoes. Can you scatter those heirloom tomatoes? Like try and get some around the rim here. All right.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's beautiful,
I love that, beautiful. It's slippy.
That's okay. Now we've gotta condiment up the top bun. So we got barbecue sauce. This is like some bougie
barbecue sauce and we got, they made a joke about
Kate Middleton on the box. That's how you know it's bougie. Yeah, that's enough. All right, and then get sundried
tomato ketchup right there. That's fancy 'cause they
dried tomatoes in the sun. What's fancier than the sun? Nothing, it's a star. All right, and then get some
Peter Luger steak sauce. This is coming from my own kitchen. I cooked my girlfriend a lovely meal using Peter Luger's
steak sauce 'cause it was her favorite restaurant growing
up because I'm endearing. Then TRUFF, this is white
TRUFF truffle hot sauce. Never had the white TRUFF, how much? That's good, that's good. I'm gonna kinda mash this around and then get some of those
pickled Fresno chilies. They do jalapenos at Five Guys. No, we're fancy, we're
using Fresno chilies that are from Fresno, the
fanciest town in America. It's a joke from-
I'm sorry. About Fresno. Oh god, it's dripping on me. I got cut on my pinky and it hurts. Ew, that means the cut's in our food. All right, we're good now. It's just like a little one. Ah one, a two, patty a deux. Let's give it a light little smush. And press. Emily, are you ready
to eat this dang thing? Yeah. There's certainly been a
lot of buildup but first, we gotta look at how it compares to the original Five Guys burger. Wow, I'd like to think it was an accident, how big we made this hamburger. That is the most terrifying snowman I've ever seen. Or it's the most beautiful snowman. Well, I'm gonna cut this in half. We need to taste this to just
remember what it tastes like. So claw, Emily, claw the hamburger. Okay, it's structural integrity is, yeah. All right, good hamburger. Okay, let's see if this
one's a little bit different. Oh man.
How are we gonna eat this? Grab a half. God dang it, we did it again. We made a burger too big
to physically eat again. Oops.
Look at all those layers. It looks like a muffuletta. You get all those layers, you get that balsamic onion
jam that's just bleeding all those condiments, you
ready to do this thing? Dink. Gosh. Whoa, flavor bomb. Oh man. For how much crap we
loaded on this burger, you get a couple very defined flavors. I'm tasting the herbes de
Provence of all things. I'm getting the lavender
on the back of the palate and then I'm getting a lot
of that soy and vinegar and take out some of
this freaking pork belly, which is the best part
of this whole burger. I have stuff in my nose. Let's be real, the top layer is fluff. Get the lettuce off there.
Okay. Get the tomato off there.
But wait, Josh. I'm gonna crush this. Hey Josh.
Yeah? How much is this monstrosity? $379 81. We've learned that with proper cooking technique and good friendship, you too can make the best- Chew. Well, I'm trying to talk to them. You too can live the life that you wanted to be in the world. Yeah. And that's the fanciest fast food of all. Thank you for joining us
for Sunday School with Josh. Thank you for joining us
in the "Mythical Kitchen." We put new episodes out every week and we have new episodes of
our podcast every Wednesday wherever you get podcasts,
so that's pretty cool. Look at that drip. Hit us up on Instagram where
you can grab lewd pictures of Emily dripping burger
juice @MythicalKitchen. We'll see you all next time. You can cook up your
own feast while wearing the "Mythical Kitchen" apron
available now at mythical.com.
"The reverse function is when you have ground beef, you run it back up and it turns into a steak again!"
Emily episodes are my favourites! The peppers looked so goooood
Is that a baby in the river!?