John Wick explained by an idiot

welcome to John wack before I start though I'd like to announce that I've made an update to my patreon that I'm sure people who like to not hear sounds like or and instead would like to hear the words underneath would greatly enjoy Also Early Access and some other [ __ ] I've got a video on there explaining more about this update so go check it out it's available for everybody I'll leave links everywhere now which movie am I ripping into today again I yes welcome to Jonathan Wikipedia that starts out with super retired super skilled Hitman Jonathan wickton crawling around badly hurt when he takes out his phone to watch some porn not really it's actually a cute video of him and his recently deceased wife so kind of like spiritual porn then we go back in time when his wife actually died from cancer funeral held and all that and then he gets a package at the door it's a dog and a letter from his dead wife that reads sub dude I know I'm dead so here's a dog dog she had to set up so he doesn't feel lonely and sad when she's gone and we continue on with bagel dog being cute dog who's already party trained to not take a [ __ ] inside the house what a thoughtful dead [ __ ] honestly dude fuels up his classic 1969 noise mang this Russian [ __ ] tries to buy it from him but John tells him that it's not for sale so Russian [ __ ] insults him in rusi and John claps back also in rusi and he drives off to take a riper on Airfield to let off some steam goes back home goes to sleep and the dog wakes him up in the middle night is barking there something there so he goes to check it out and he gets beaten up by some dudes who kill his dog and steal his car their leader obviously turns out to be the Russian now I'm going to give out some information that only comes out later in the movie to try and make a point here this guy is son of this guy vegan or Vaga whatever he's a Russian mob boss guy Mafia person with a name that starts with a we I'll remember later and John used to work for Mr vager fiveish years ago he was the most skilled respected feared and well-known Hitman then he told him he want out the game because of female reasons so he agreed if he could pull off this one really impossible [ __ ] mission and he did pull it off and that mission according to Victor no that's not it according to vagina man that mission laid the foundation for the whole illegal Empire as it is today now the question that arises is how does dickas Joseph not know who John Wick is literally everybody knows who John Wick is the guy the [ __ ] Airfield the cops [ __ ] everybody even if he was like fuing 12 when John got out he still should have known who he is since the mission that he completed for his dad was so [ __ ] important or at least vice versa cuz John also does not know who Yosef is whatever they leave dog's dead cars gone and JN is [ __ ] pissed they slash the tires to his other cars so he takes a bus over to his mechanic to see if his car came through here and it did Joe came by asking for new V and papers for the car but really so him to leave leave and Joe was like hey remember we own you Gringo which gets him punched and kicked out then Gringo tells Jong go what happened and lends him a carard to use then reio gets a call from vgo and the call goes a little bit like this Derek why'd you take your pants off my balls was hot I understand so via calls in his son and beats him up a little bit because of what he did and josephi is perplexed cuz he's a shitty person all the time why is this different and V Go's like it's not what you did son that angers me so it's who you did it too then explains to him the history of John wiing how dangerous he is while Jon beats up his basement in anger and rage to unearth his past full of weapons and Evil Underground currency vle tells his kid that John will come for him and there's nothing he can do because he can do nothing but vle will still try to protect his son as best he can pulls out an old phone book finds John's number calls him and tries to fix it on the phone call there and he gives his condolences for his wife's death and goes John let us not resort to our baser instincts and handle this like civilized man really that was your idea of [ __ ] fixing it I don't know man maybe if you'd apologize for your son's shitty Behavior instead of basically calling him un civilized for something he didn't [ __ ] do yet then give him his old car back maybe gift him 10 more cars and let him roughen up your son a little bit maybe then he'd agree not to kill your son and wage youring war on you [ __ ] Russian [ __ ] anyway dumb only angers John John hangs up the phone without saying anything and Suits up in preparation for what's to come cuz he knows what's coming Veo sends over hit squad to kill him in his house but they are no matchs for John cuz he [ __ ] destroys them all shoots some of them beats some others up kills them all then a cop knocks on the door cuz a noise complaint was filed and he sees the bodies and he's like are you working in John and John's like no just short out some stuff and he lets him go it really seems like [ __ ] everyone knows who Jon is which makes Joe not knowing who he is even more fuing unbelievable but enough on that point my other point is that a lot of people seem to be in or employed by an underground kill organization or the Continental or whatever so much so that in subsequent movies it feels like 90% of planet Earth's [ __ ] population is part of a criminal organization how the [ __ ] is this possible where are all the other normal humans God damn it whatever John calls up a cleaning crew to clean up the bodies and pays them in gold coins which is the currency of the Continental that is a hotel chain for criminals and Hitmen where everybody agrees not to conduct business on the premises and follow some of their other guidelines the Continental also provides some illegal services and they all agree to use the continental's currency which is the gold coin I don't know if it's actually their currency or just a currency that all the illegal fuckos agreed on and decide to use together I know but that's a good enough overview what it is now moving on bodies get cleaned up vle was informed that John F M off and is not surprised until he puts a bounty of 2 million Bones on his head and puts his kid in a nightclub surrounded by guards to lure in Jon and have a better chance of killing him then something that makes [ __ ] negative sense happens vgo goes to Green Goblin who is one of Jon's bestest of friends from the old Hitman days to personally offer him an unexclusive open to all the [ __ ] Hitman public contract to kill John Wick and Marcus accepts instead of killing him every time he has a chance he protects him and V later finds us out and kills him for it why why why so many wise why do you offer John's BFF an open contract to kill him is it cuz you're afraid he's going to help him then why not put a hit on fing Marcus and why did Marcus agree to the stupid ass offer is he going to kill him if he says no probably actually whatever Mo critical gets us in his car and makes his way over to New York gets to the Continental or at least the [ __ ] main branch of the Continental pretty sure there's more he gets into the Hitman Hotel gets a rub and goes down to the nightclub portion of it to meet winon Turtle the hotel manager asking him for the whereabouts of Yosef cuz he just wants to have a talk with him I just want to talk to him after a friendly warning off to dip a single toe back into this world which is super [ __ ] and late advice in my opinion because he's already in your hotel full of murderers wi con what do you think he's doing here vacation [ __ ] dumbass anyway he tells him the location of zi which is in a nightclub called the Red Circle Vu gets news that John is in the continental and doubles the Bounty for anybody willing to kill him in the continental and break Continental rules I said Continental way too much there John Su up to go pay the red circle a visit where the guards are expecting his arrival at any minute roog gets there and is simply standing across the street then walks towards it and N of the guards that are on super duper butt clenching high alert see him walking towards them on of security cameras yeah sure whatever he gets a drop on the bouncer at the door who he was old acquaintances with and Spares his life telling him to take the day off which he does he takes the day off earning him the title of the most smartest man in this whole movie JN sneaks in and sneakily kills and interrogates two dudes about the whereabouts of Jose exactly and he continues his stealth Mission killing guards on his way to the chilling in the bath house finally gets spotted by one guards stealth mission is over now and attract loads of attention to themselves JN gets him in a death grip shoots two other dudes then takes aim at Yosi why didn't you shoot him when you had that chance you really want to get up close in personal when you kill him is that the reason huh if so then why do you shoot at him while he runs away he doesn't really miss that often so I guess he was doing this on purpose to scam a bit or something I don't know doesn't matter runs away half naked while Jon is dispatching with every single guard that comes his way with absolute style and finesse this movie is [ __ ] awesome but I'm still going to diss it nobody's safe [ __ ] on that point he gets hit a couple times but he's wearing a bulletproof Fest so he's fine then runs out of bullets so he fights his guard in hand to hand combat and gets thrown onto the dance floor from the balcony takes out a small gun and then scares the guard away so you had that gun all along but you decided to go into hand toand combat when you had time to pull it out and shoot him it's kind of a brain dead move John also how did he not break his back and get paralyzed for [ __ ] life doesn't matter Josie escapes Johnny gets back to the hotel and a doctor patches up a stabon he incurred while fighting gives him some morphine or some [ __ ] just in case needs to keep on fighting and feel no pain then he goes to bed being watched over by Marcus with a sniper rifle who shoots a warning shot next to his face to alert him of an intruder coming into his room to [ __ ] him up and it's aing ho ass [ __ ] called perky here to claim the Bounty with a times two multiplier of killing him on Continental grounds by the way when he rolled off the B he rolled off to the left side which is a dumb way to do it cuz it's not the shortest way to get off the bed also when he rolls back because perky shooting at him the pillow that got shot by Marcus miraculously no longer has a bullet in it anyway he fights perky throws her around the bed and forces her to give him any info she can about vgo and his son she tells him about this church where vle keeps all his money and blackmail material and all this information about politic and [ __ ] he knocks her out and hands her over to this dude next door who's also an old assassin friend to hand her over to the Continental people to deal with her for breaking the rules later I guess I know why he decides to keep her that long and not give her over immediately cuz that just gives her more time to escape and kill him which is what she does next she dislocates her thumb and gets out of handcuffs and kills Herold escapes while [ __ ] armed Jesus pops some pills walks into that church and goes manif I praise the Lord go sickle mode aim bot on all the [ __ ] guards in there and kills them all forces the priest to open the vault full of valuables and lights up all that [ __ ] into flames waits for vgo to arrive and kill the priest dude comes out guns a blazing takes out a bunch of the guards and one of them gets into the car runs into John shattering his [ __ ] pelvis and half the bones in his body leading him to Die slow death in hospital later that day just kidding that doesn't actually happen cuz Jon is [ __ ] invincible and cannot die he actually gets knocked down and wakes up handcuffed on a chair the church with vle saying [ __ ] like people don't change John you can't get out of this life it follows you and it was just a car and a [ __ ] dog Let It Go BL John tells him that that dog was a final gift from his dead wife and goes people keep saying I'm deranged but I'm going to show him just how ranged I can be and vle leaves to let his guard choke him out with a plastic bag but then Marcus's guarden Angel comes in to save his ass he's on a rooftop somewhere with a sniper Snipes one of the guards and that is enough for John even handcuffed to take out the other one with EAS he then has just enough time to go out and catch vgo leaving get a couple shots in the car and crash it out kill his driver and hold VG at gunpo voo tells him that he's going to give him his son's location exchange for not killing him but John also wants him to pull the contract so he does that and JN leaves to go kill his paranoid kid in a safe house while he is at home smoking a duie and dealing with the fact that he can no longer keep his on safe and he's about to die John picks off the guards at the safe house one by one blows up their escape vehicles and shoots toppe while he runs away then walks up close to him and finishes him off point blank why didn't dickas have a gun with him isn't he seriously running around with the world's most dangerous Hitman on his ass armed what a [ __ ] jackass John then goes check out from the continental and they GI him a brand new car in compensation for last night's troubles with perky he drives away and goes to meet Marcus thanks him for his help perky is there to see that and snitches to vle about this where's the other car he came with by the way they arranged for Ros to come and take it after he took the other one that's un important doesn't matter that day vles guys follow Marcus to his home and vgo shows up to personally beat his ass and kill him for not taking out John when he had the chance and call John up to rber in his face that he killed his closest friend why in the flaming dog [ __ ] would you do that you dumb spunk brain communist bid [ __ ] you just got him off your back John doesn't immediate Swift handbreak turn to go over to Marcus's house and when he gets there he finds Marcus's rot in Corpse when Noone else there at the same time pery gets called by the Continental to go somewhere in Central Park I think where Winston is with four guys surrounding her to kill her as punishment for breaking Continental rules why did she go did she think that they found Harry's body and would think that John is the one that killed him and he's the one that broke continent rules and get off the hook clean and easy or did you think that there was a punishment but it wasn't that severe also having four Dudes shoot her and kill her in perfect square like that is highly dangerous for them cuz what if they miss or she ducks or the bullets travel through her and hit the guy on the opposite end you know collateral damage and [ __ ] it doesn't look like she was directly in the middle which s of lowered the risk I guess but it's a cooler shot if she's directly in the middle might I suggest for next time having an odd number of Shooters because then you could have the victim standing directly in the middle it'll be cooler shot and it'll be way less risk for the shooters or have him shoot from Higher Ground or or higher midgets that way they're always shooting up at her vital organs and zero chance of hitting each other you're welcome wind cone then hits Jon up telling him that vle is fing up his Chopper to take off at a certain Pier didn't have to do that but but he likes John a lot and I guess he also Abes a lot of V's actions so John sickle gets into his charger and races over to the peer before vle gets into the helicopter pit Maneuvers one of his cars into this like boat inspection or maintenance place I don't know what it's called let's call it the boat pit and then pit Maneuvers vgo's car itself into this immovable steel or concrete [ __ ] nipple or whatever it is that should have broken both the legs of the guy that was in the passenger seat but it didn't a bunch of guards come out to protect vgo but JN employs a lot of car gun Kung Fu to dispatch with all these [ __ ] vle gives a gun to his like right-and man that has zero experience with a gun and is kind of [ __ ] cuz he goes out and takes one shot at the guy one shitty shot and then [ __ ] emotes why are you inspecting your gun you Monumental [ __ ] the same [ __ ] CSO whatever Jon shoots him Rams into him and kills him then vgo takes control of his car and tries to Ram Jon into the bll pit but he is able to escape by crawling out of the back window that is shattered open and jumps out before the car drops into the B pit lands in torrential rain I get that it start raining when he started ramming into John and weather can change really fast but come on it just started rating before he jumped off the car and in a split second when he landed was pissing it down the floor is wrench John looks like he just came out the [ __ ] shower it's way too sudden homie also was John propelling his car forward with his sheering will and commitment cuz as sure as [ __ ] wasn't an engine cuz the whole bloody drivet train was missing from it when it dropped into the boat pit yes I know was cheaper to crash cards without a drive train but I don't care I want to say get in there he then goes to kill vgo who's like no more guns and John's like bet throws away his gun so they can knuckle chuckle it out but then vle pulls out a [ __ ] blade which is a chicken chit move or whatever John a fa he fights him a bit then [ __ ] Chadwick allows the step to go through only to break his arm take the knife out and stab him in his shoulder and kill him slowly lets him bleed out over there in the box and appear in the rain walks away in style watch just a spiritual porn patches himself up in a vet or dog kennel picks out one of the doggies he likes takes it out and walks home with it this movie gets 10 staplers out of 10 Air [Music] [Music] Jordans

Channel: High Boi

Views: 1,952,585

Keywords: john wick, john wick recap, john wick explained, john wick explained by high boi, high boi, funny, haha

Id: A9dzMuI4Cnk

Length: 11min 53sec (713 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 13 2023