Cars explained by an idiot (censored)

welcome to kaz movie starts out with biting the queen psyching himself up for his big race which if he wins he wins the piston cup and this new deal with his new team because their dude is retiring and lightning is pretty good and [ __ ] and in this race for some reason he starts out in the back but he sides through the opposition in le reyes fans do the mexican wave they go to the bathroom i know why they would need to go to the bathroom i don't know why or how cars are born or why they need taxis buses or caravans or camper vans when there are no humans that is beyond me but whatever there's a lot of more questions i have like this and i'm going to try my hardest not to ask them and move on now mcqueen's main rival other than the super bird is chick dicks right all three of them are in a three-way tie for the championship okay and dick chicks is a really dirty driver cockface and he essentially tries to murder mcqueen and the rest of the field but nikoi makes it through the wreckage and he jumps off another car which is like basically trampolining off a corpse just saying and he makes it through and doesn't pit under the safety car like everyone else which means he is in the lead right now then a bunch of laps later he does pit but does not pit for tires only guess the absolute [ __ ] numskull [ __ ] and then goes out and somehow the tires hold up all the way to the last lap one of them blows shake dicks and super bird get news of that so they go pill to the metal while another tire explodes mcqueen tries to get their crawl pace while they're [ __ ] zooming their way down the track and they eventually cross a line to gaza after that lightning mcqueen's being a dick in the post race interview like i'm a one-man show why are we still here i don't need a team just to suffer yeah well [ __ ] you big guy and his whole pick who puts on him because he's then before they reveal the winner he gets approached by two of his biggest fans these two miatas i get it they flashed him wait does that mean when they did the mexican way everybody whipped out their titties but they drive around tonight with their tits that doesn't matter moving on ignores advice from blue bird while he's daydreaming about getting his team and being more famous and [ __ ] and how the [ __ ] is this tire print unique you can literally buy the same rubber on any store you feel maybe it's whatever it is revealed that all three of them have one and they all get to go home with their very own piston cup yay not gonna happen see they are gonna have another race three-way race 200 left in california and who wins that gets the piston cup and the sponsorship then bite my ass whipped cream goes to his [ __ ] trailer but to get to he has to go through his anti-rust sponsorship tent and he's like this is not good for my image [ __ ] they are your main sponsors they are your image i think i'm way past that buddy besides isn't russ like cancer for cars so what we're saying here essentially is that mcqueen hates cancer patients listen i'm just punching it out anyway mcqueen's like race cars don't need headlights because the track is always lit does that mean that mcqueen has no tits okay i'm gonna stop i'm gonna stop now i'm gonna stop so he gets into his trailer and they hit the road laugh is a hallie country music blah blah blah black his mack truck after long center driving wants to stop and take a nap so he can continue another long day of driving but mcqueen is such an ignorant little prick he forces him to keep driving through the night [ __ ] jeff bezos piss in a bottle type b also where the [ __ ] is this camera what the [ __ ] is max staring at here whatever we got another empty road in the movie about [ __ ] cars for god's sake and if you try to say this is night time and nobody's out not even a minute later we get this shot with a highway busy as [ __ ] so [ __ ] you anyway cut the snapshot of the whiskey mac asleep for a moment and some goons mess with him and mcqueen falls off the truck by accident by the time he is awake he's already in the middle of road and far away from mack and he tries to run back to him and somehow he has so much confidence in this truck being the freaking the truck this is mack although it's identical to all other trucks on the road so he follows it off the interstate and finds out that it isn't mac and he's like oh [ __ ] i gotta go back to the interstate and instead of going back the way he came where he knows didn't say it is he goes this way what a genius then a cop gets onto his ass because he's driving too fast and the old timer he's backfiring [ __ ] so lightning thinks he's getting shot at so it doesn't stop no you're an idiot i know you're red but you're clearly white no cop's going to open fire on you that fast anyway he makes it to this tiny town and ruins it because he's a panic at enoch and running over [ __ ] and destroying businesses and crap destroying the road itself then with stanley's massive [ __ ] shortly after stanley gets sling schling slotted slingshot come on shortly after stanley gets slingshotted peacefully back to his resting place by lightning traps himself in like electrical wiring [ __ ] i forgot what it's called the next day he gets towed to court i don't know how he's getting towed from the back with the boot on his front tires but maybe they took it off and on again at the court and [ __ ] doesn't matter he's in court and the lawyer is appointed to him and at first doc hudson who's like the big cheese of this town wants him out of his town for some reason but then a porsche whatever you want to pronounce it comes in mcqueen thinks she's for him so he tries to smex her up and smooth talk her little but little does he know she's actually against him she's a town lawyer attorney or something and she could with his dog to make him fix the road that made her goes nah he's talking about his balls i'm old now i can understand these dirty jokes in kids movies so mcqueen is going to pull bessie around to make the [ __ ] road and why isn't bessie sentient exactly the [ __ ] doesn't matter because lightning makes a break for her after getting freed from the boot by mater before he gets hooked up to bessie but no worries because i siphon just enough gas out of his tank for him to run out of gas right at the exact location where the cop hides with sally so they take him back and hook him up to basinigas to work shouldn't he first scrape off the bold bad road and then apply this like sticky gooey stuff for the asphalted here whatever who cares two customers come to town by accident and lightning scares them so they why do they need to do that in fact why do they even have doors well there are no humans in this universe this is see these are the questions i'm telling you i'm about to see this [ __ ] ah so mcqueen's like this [ __ ] i gotta finish just wrote fast and he big dicks hit with his otherwise silent v8 blaring loudly he must be some sort of hybrid or some [ __ ] any who he finishes the road is pretty crap but done so he's like let me go now but doc's like [ __ ] no road's trash hey man i'm a high-end racing machine i can't be doing this [ __ ] all right they're legend let's have a race if you win you leave and if i win you keep that vagina you call a mouth shut and you build that road proper deal so they go on a dirt oval and as it turns out dickweed mcqueen can't turn for [ __ ] on derp and he ends up eating [ __ ] in a ditch with a bunch of cactuses or cacti google will help you out with the plural of that word i'm too lazy anyway he must now build a good road nice and slow over the course of five days so he gets to work scraping off the old [ __ ] he did and finishes a tiny portion of it overnight and then he disappears not really he just asked the sheriff to go to their oval get to try and make the turn that he never could make and never does make so the doc tries to explain to him in the dumbest way possible how to make that turn you know what's really [ __ ] that in a movie about sentient living cars drifting oversteer understood basically everything car control related is not common knowledge for a [ __ ] race car that's like usain bolt not knowing he shouldn't run with scissors you'll learn that type of crap in your infancy don't run with scissors brush your teeth before bed and don't stick your dick in the electrical socket also i already saw lightning countersteer to correct the slide multiple times before so this is kind of [ __ ] anyway he continues fixing the road and sally offers him a cone to stay in in her hotel themed cone hotel the whole cone themed hotel there then he notices she got a [ __ ] stamp and he like you did the whole gal after that made her take some tractor tipping and knight but mcqueen got no horn so he scares them using his big honk in v8 and accidentally tips the whole [ __ ] field then they get chased around by franku the combine harvester or whatever and look at that he's turning on dirt they get back and mater just exuding with big dick energy shows him how to drive in reverse at mad speeds the next day after some night terrors lightning mcqueen goes to get his fuel rations from the sheriff but he busy getting checks for stds and [ __ ] so mcqueen's like gir angry heck kick more and stumbles upon a discovery and ducks gay raj that he is the great hudson hornet or not one but three piston cups to his name then the dog catches him like simon says stay out dude you're the hudson hornet hudson hornet i haven't heard that name in years that's my past it's not who i am now so get the [ __ ] out [ __ ] so bite me shaquille goes back to the town's people telling them about his discovery while doc watches and nobody believes him then sally feels lining up with some lick would usually saw their way around if you catch my drift hey i'm disgusting so he gets some go-go juice and she trusts him enough to not run off with it and go on a scenic drive with her and thankfully her trust is not misplaced they go on the scenic drive canyon carving breaking multiple speed limits i presume and end up at an old motel she's like i used to be dumb la [ __ ] but now i'm here and i can't leave because i'm in love with this place cool story right yeah totally and she longs to see what the channel was like before the interstate was made and everybody had to pass the radio springs to get to l.a what happened the town got bypassed just to save 10 minutes of driving oh shut the [ __ ] up guy you think the entire interstate saved just 10 minutes of time fatty with your horrible estimations of time you dumb [ __ ] later on back intel mater has somehow found a way to get a bunch of tractors loose and while getting one back lightning sees doc about to flex his muscles so he forgets about the tractor and watches him turn on dirt and he's like teach me sensei but doc's like [ __ ] you roon and we find out that doc had a big crash at the peak of his car a rear get it puns puns very funny puns yes he had a huge crash and when he got fixed and came back his team already moved on to another dude and he kind of got mad about that and he's still salty to this day what i'm curious about this is how he came here and became dog hudson anyway shut the hell up and fix the goddamn on your piece of [ __ ] says vadok and next day he gets the road done in like three point five days out of five give or take half a day good not bad not bad not bad he doesn't he pulled all nighter and the whole town thinks he left and they're very sad about that turns out he's not really gone he's still here and he's gonna help him out by buying something from all day businesses then how the [ __ ] have you stayed in business for all this time this [ __ ] makes no [ __ ] sense and how is mcqueen paying for all this [ __ ] does he have a credit card or something if so why can't he just pay for the road damages or wait this guy actually got me thinking don't you get like one phone call one he calls agent ah peak no sense pick no sense was made right here whatever he gets some sick white walls from luigi's gas from the hippie and military [ __ ] from stars and pitch up from her mom wait a minute just laying down paint like that no sanding no primer no base coat what the [ __ ] ramon don't know what the [ __ ] you doing i said whatever he also helps them set up their old neon lights to surprise sally like the good old times and they cruise around have a good time and suddenly the peps arrive right the press is here and so is mac then lightning mcqueen's agent calls him and tells him to get back and she is because the race and stuff and mcqueen's pretty bummed out because he got [ __ ] blocked by stardom or whatever the car [ __ ] equivalent is anyways he's kind of forced into his trailer and sally finds out that doc is the one who called the press so technically he's the source of the [ __ ] blockage and now the whole town has said all thanks to you doc content now over to california it is race day and mack is lightning's pit group which is pretty shitty deal but hey it's better than nothing and when the race starts lightning can't focus because he's too busy thinking about them bully jigs didn't get the clap or the maybe the rear fender cheeks same thing but then he sees docking some of the peeps from the town has his pit group and he's like yeah then he pits for the most useless [ __ ] pit stop on planet earth lap one so they could just basically tell him hey you could do this yeah thanks it's not like you can say that on the radio or anything now he's a lap down he has to you're the reason he's a laptop dude you think uh uh experienced race car like hudson would not make this mistake but no no no no no no no no so he makes it out to make up that lost lap should he ask my stupid decision and everybody gawks at mr cockhutson and eventually lightning does make up the difference and reel in the leaders then dick chicks pins him out but lightning passes him in reverse i really highly doubt that race cars can go over 150 miles an hour in reverse but who gives a [ __ ] at this point he spins back round and strains out and some more dude racing from dick chicks he blows the queen's tires out and yellow comes out cause that is a totally valid reason to bring out the yellow doesn't matter though because the [ __ ] best part of the movie's coming up right now okay so he goes into the pits and guido's about to show them [ __ ] green [ __ ] how it's done he goes [ __ ] thin nasty little hose and that allows mcqueen to get right in front of the pace car with 10 laps to go he catches up to them in these laps and on the last lap mr [ __ ] racing gets them all out of shape lane mcqueen goes on the grass and he enters what some would call a hectic skid and he counter steers and wow learning moment he can drift and controls it gets back on the track he's in the first place but then even more dirty racing from chick he [ __ ] spins out the king sends him flying and crashing into the [ __ ] dirt massive move and mcqueen sees this on the big screen and he stops right before the finish line and chick crashes into him and they [ __ ] explode and die in a gigantic which hands chicken dick to win while he goes back to push the super bird across the finish line because the king's got to finish his last race [ __ ] yeah sportsmanship baby chick wins but no one gives a single [ __ ] lightning still gets offered the dynamical deal but declines because family finn diesel important question though why the [ __ ] isn't sally here doesn't matter mater rides in a helicopter michael schumacher cameo fantastic this movie gets seven lug nuts out of seven [ __ ] nuts [Music] you

Channel: Extra high

Views: 4,286,625

Keywords: high boi, explained by and idiot, cars explained, cars recap

Id: B082capa3jI

Length: 11min 27sec (687 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 12 2022