The Amazing Spider-man explained by an idiot

Welcome to The Amazing Spider-Man and we start off with little Peter Parker playing hide and seek with his parents when they find out that his dad's study has been burgled or someone went into it and messed around a bit so Peter dad goes into the study and takes out secret papers and websites some stuff and the parents take Peter away they run away to their Elders M.A and Uncle bam then they leave him there and go off to die so appear goes off to be a bullied nerd of seeing people make out on his [ __ ] Locker not saying anything because he's too [ __ ] just [ __ ] grow up here and tell him off man apparently he does go a pair and tells his boy to stop bullying other dudes so this bully bullies him and beats him up then Gwyneth stacieth steps in uses her estrogen powers and calls him a [ __ ] to break up the fight then at home while clearing out the flooded basement Uncle Ben puts his meat on Peter's face and Peter finds his dad's old man person they're like oh a what I don't know who's this uh get that [ __ ] off the table [ __ ] he's gonna eat so later on Peter examines this man purse of his dad and he finds the secret papers inside with secret symbols on it with a secret movie science equation and then Ben tells him that the dude in the picture was [ __ ] uh Kurt Cobain a dude that I used to work with his daddy His science dude so Peter does intense research and finds out that science student works at Oscorp now looking past the fact that he's using [ __ ] Bing to do his research why are all the research scenes so obviously animated how hard is it to [ __ ] whip out OBS and start screen recording seriously is it gonna look much better than this [ __ ] animated Mouse garbage and I bet it'll be cheaper too you dumbasses anyway he goes over to ozcorp to meet Kurt pretending to be a intern what he doesn't count on though is Gwen being the head intern so he uses Assassin's Creed stealth to hide then Kurt shows up like anyone got a hand crippled jokes always a singer with the youth then he reveals he longs to fix his missing arm with signs and make a world without weakness and [ __ ] so Peter says smart science stuff that other nerds in my opinion uncharacteristically make fun of like we get a movie he's a nerd and he gets bullied we get the concept anyway when spots him because of that and she's like I gotta be in trouble so he proceeds to do stuff that might get her in trouble like bumping into this cow lover and seeing super secret scientist symbols that he recognized from the other super secret science examples that he was not supposed to see then going into this room he unlocks with this code that he saw from very far using supervision he does not yet have movies not Spider-Man yet so he goes into the slab that people clearly just came out of in full bio has detective whatever body condoms not very smart Peter he goes into a room full of spiders and touches [ __ ] they all drop on him and he this is how he gets bitten by a spider on his neck when he goes to talk to Gwen if he doesn't [ __ ] leave also brown boy talks to Kurt and he's like um are you finished he's like no not anymore time no more time I go I come back and then you finish next so appears on the subway ride home his powers kick in and he beats up his whole subway car by accident then goes home and superspike the senses reflexes this Sly out of the [ __ ] air that was so viciously gonna [ __ ] attack and mate why do you do that it's not like it poses any threat apart from all the diseases his flies carry obviously anyway he got the munchies and they just like is he on crack definitely heroin kidding it's probably wait next day he wakes up and surprised as [ __ ] about his powers and he keeps [ __ ] up his weird ass two-door bathroom who the [ __ ] pulls on a twisting knob faucet Peter showed Parker dumb [ __ ] he does some more Super anime research about spider bites and then concludes that he's gonna go to Curtis so he does who's like this my private residence [ __ ] got lost amateur Pakistan oh dang he lets him in apologize for not calling when his dad disappeared because he was very very angry if he took the secret break through fires with him I don't know why I'm speaking like this Peter then writes down for him the super secret movie science breakthrough equation that he wanted and he's like oh dang Patty see this is the algorithm to do the human take their animal strength and heal [ __ ] I uh you get he then goes to school and kind of counter bullies his bully then breaks School properly then kinda asks one out and we get the standard quick enjoying and discovering your powers bit at least for like a little bit then we got another part because Curtis has invited him to Oscar Tower he goes to oskop Tower and Curtis shows him around a bit like that's how we keep our genetically engineer cat girls uh that machine should sell Dark Matter pretty sure that one's meant to cure cancer but actually gives you cancer hey what's that oh that's a plot device that thing shoots off the gas cloud to the area and fix people or curious people with whatever the clouds already formulatively composed with that's not a word then they try to run a simulation on a three-legged Mouse to regrow its limb using lizard dna and the movie science equation and it fails of it then it works so they get the real deal to the real Mouse to see if it works later and then he gets home and Uncle Ben gets mad at him because he was supposed to pick up Ma for work but he didn't because he was too busy doing other [ __ ] so Peter in turn gets mad at him because his dad left him or something like that and he goes to clear his head on a walk so Ben follows him we don't know where this is going right megals to follow him Peter gets [ __ ] and made fun of for being poor by a [ __ ] Tony Banderas so in retaliation Pier does nothing and stands idly Bible that Antonio banders gets [ __ ] robbed and hits him with his version of I miss the part where that's my problem then sunglasses blonde the thief guy blumps into Uncle Ben who goes by different policy and he kills him Peter sees the man along on the floor and he finds out it's Uncle Ben he is gochid Mike it's not the first time Uncle Ben has died you know the drill the cops give him a picture of the company tell him that he has a Storm's left hand and he goes to school it's all worth it because he gets a hug from a girl fair trade deal he then goes out and then starts whooping the ass off anybody with the blonde hairdo until he confirms with the left hand star that they are the the person that killed Uncle Ben then he leaves him alone and just a quick question about all the Spider-Man in general if their direct skin is the sticky part that allows them to climb buildings and [ __ ] then how the stuff like their shoes and their suits stick do their powers transcend or propagate through the materials doesn't matter whatever he creates a suit and webbing which he tests out and no one sees him do this [ __ ] because he's the only Empty Street in New York City I'm sure there's a street that is empty in the Big Apple but this doesn't seem like it should be one of them because there's a [ __ ] restaurant or cafe or whatever [ __ ] it who cares moving on he continues his quest to find the blog [ __ ] why will him defoe's good cousin the two police gets mad at him and on one of his find a blonde horde that killed my uncle missions he surprises the blonde thief and the car he's healing somehow ending up in there without the owner or the valet or the car thief noticing him getting in there with it being locked in ah [ __ ] whatever it doesn't matter doesn't matter he messes with him a bit and also also this Aston Martin appears and disappears through shots of him messing with him that's right movie I noticed anyway he's not his guy the cops come and try to rest buddy so he runs away when he gets home he shows anime his boost face from all the Rough and Tumble [ __ ] spin cycle batswing he's done and she's like oh my God he is on heroin next episode guys told by Kurt that the rat has regrown the limb and all good like long course for the [ __ ] resource or whatever and he's like great you have to move on to the human trials what the [ __ ] is it Ugandan Nigerian whatever accent wrong offensive accent recalibrating hold on great you have to move on to the human child you're crazy I ain't gonna do that do it for divine I ain't gonna do it forever and I ain't gonna do it you guys remember that [ __ ] actually have something to say about this I remember how you [ __ ] hated it everybody hated it and now it's loved same with Minecraft it used to be wildly hated and made fun of by now it's also loved you know what else got the same treatment Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man movies y'all are [ __ ] [ __ ] I personally didn't think it was that bad I thought was I I didn't mind them at all but everybody else was Shin on them and now you love them sure it's probably because no way homo came out and Incorporated all the spideys really well and [ __ ] in both Vine and Minecraft have had their reasons for people to change your perceptions of them over time but these movies are exactly the same and people are praising [ __ ] that they previously used to [ __ ] on so what the [ __ ] stick to your guns or stop being losers sheep high-minded cut virgins and come up with your own opinion rant over back to movie India man really wants his [ __ ] to cure his boss no one Osborne but sorry Kurt won't do this for the vibe so instead of killing him like he did Pete's dead he just shuts down his program on his research and takes the formula because it's Norman's company I think I think I don't know yeah it's their formula whatever so of course like [ __ ] it and injects himself with the movie science equation formula thing and he passes out and wakes up with a new icky arm that he unravels from Lizard shedding stuff tries to call Rajesh but he can't get to him because of cell reception [ __ ] so he takes a cab to get to him and on the way he turns into a lizard because of the lizard dna in the movie side stuff meanwhile Gwen has invited Pete over to eat fishy smelling stuff at her house and by that I don't mean her vagina I mean actual fish but it might as well have been her coochie because she completed this regards the weirdness of him coming through her [ __ ] window on the I don't know 100th floor of this building and she's like have you seen there it's for dinner are you gonna wear that who the [ __ ] eats dinner in a suit Gwyneth Paltrow doesn't matter we find out the chief of police chief of police guys I can't [ __ ] freak man we find out that chief of police not the foe is gwyneth's dead and at the table they have a small fight like Spider-Man bad no Spider-Man good no he back no he good bad good bad hey let's go out and make out yes let's go Gwen takes him out to the balcony for some mouse sex and and he goes off to fight crying causes Peter tingle specifically lets her crime because he's going to the bridge where Rajesh is causes being attacked by Kurt who has turned into a full-on politician that's a quick little funny for you on how all politicians are losers haha I'm funny but I just tries to escape but one door is locked and one isn't which is already odd enough but the other one won't fully open because Bridge so he tries to kick that door open yeah let's try and kick open the door that is firmly pressed up against the [ __ ] bridge I'm sure you'll have more luck overpowering a bridge in a door lock what a jizz IQ [ __ ] anyway Kurt's throwing cards off the bridge looking for him and Spidey saves them all and lets him go to save this kid that's hanging in one of them cars he saved that's about to burn gives him to his father then leaves very possibly letting all these other cars suffer the same fate as this one Kurt then ends up in the cleanest sewers ever and later bumps into Peter at his old lab where Peter notices some very susp behavior and reptilian skin then sees that the mouse they injected with the regrown limb stuff has morphed into an absolute unit chunkster of a [ __ ] rat and ate the other Mouse so he figures that Kurt is the lizard man and goes to the police station to try and tip off William the friend about Connors but he just thinks he's insane then Peter somehow escapes the cup that was very clearly instructed to escort him back to school and sees lizards going down to the sewers and there's a reward out for proof of the lizard monster so he throws some weapons down in the sewers and sets up a camera on a trigger to take pictures of any movement tomorrow but also him Kurt has set up a whole last lab in the sewers gone nuts talking about creating a world without weakness and injecting himself with an even bigger dose of the green formula group than lizards start playing tunes on Peter's webbing and big ass Lizardo shows up they come into slightly longer fight than the one on the bridge he scratches him then Peter escapes through the poopoo water and pipes that big fat lizard can fit through this Scratch by the way is completely different from all other scratch marks and or suit tears and any other subsequent shots which is really [ __ ] annoying anyway Lizardo finds Peter's label camera and finds out who Peter is obviously and Peter goes over to Gwen for some smexy swinging time then next day at school a completely lizard roided Kurt shows up out of the [ __ ] toilet to attack Peter Pierre suits up in his buddy soon they fight a little bit Gwen helps out and he's like don't help out Yeet JK I'll say you this time wink wink more battle happens Stanley Cameo asks in the chat then Kurt lizard leaves but Petey Falls them down to the sewers he tells that take one on a cell phone call with Immaculate cell reception that you usually get in the [ __ ] sewers I don't know I might be wrong I'd never call anybody from inside the poop tunnels I've only done in the Subways before I with mixed results maybe it has something to do with the structures above the tunnels I'm overthinking this moving on he tells her to go to the Oscar Tower and mix him up some antidote serum to fix up cart he then stumbles upon Kurt's turd lab and finds out that he plans to use the plot device gas cloud thing to infect the whole city and rid them of weakness so he calls it going a bit too late to tell her to leave oscar but she's like the antidote is cooking leave now woman I'm gonna get everybody out I said Lee goddamn feminists meanwhile Curry has been spotted by the cops trying to get the Oscar Tower and they unleash Hellfire on him but he just heals up everything and unleashes some silent but deadly zomb turning them all into lizard creatures fit on the other end of things for Peter he's also trying to get the Oscar Tower and also getting into a running with the 50 who tase him so they can get a good look at that thick ass boy damn boy that's a thick ass but mainly his face and when Captain the friendly tries to take off his mask he immediately Springs into action disarming everybody while trying to hide his face using super Spidey ninja moves then Wilhelm Stacy finally sees his face and Parker's leg attack Scorpio on your guard's there right now you gotta let me go so he does but why does he's telling everybody to hold their fire one of his [ __ ] trigger happy [ __ ] men shoots him in the leg and now back to Oscar Gwen is doing her bloody best to slow down Kurt with big ass stores and playing Atlas with him and hiding with the granola bar device Cloud thingy but he finds her and takes the thing without hurting her at all because he's still got a soft spot for her I don't though my spot is rock hard baby because [ __ ] Emma Stone anyway back to Spidey the news is covering this whole thing and the dad that had his kids saved by Spiderman sees the wounded Spider-Man is trying to make his way to Oscorp so he calls up all his construction buddies because he works in construction too to line up all their cranes so that Spider-Man has a straight swinging shot all the way to us Corp and makes it easier for him and as with Spider-Man and construction work when they meet there's always American patriotism to go along with it [ __ ] yeah so speeder party speeder party yes Peter pity patches himself up and lines himself up for the swings and runs for it swings but then misses the screen pulls him up and he keeps Swinging with his face job cool scene no denying that but many things to say number one why are you sweating some much time climbing up and not swinging directly to us Corp spider requires very little stress on your window like number two this isn't really that much more helpful to be honest he can already swing from the size of buildings with Incredible ease he doesn't really require anything to be directly above them number three if he couldn't make this shot because the thing was too far then he should have been able to make the sewer shots I don't know how deep they were though they could have been very undeep so number four what the [ __ ] is this dumb pig doing what is stopping traffic doing here bro if you weren't there he would have just swung a bit higher this is the equivalent of stopping traffic for a [ __ ] gust of wind or a plane to Fly Above you're such a useless dumb [ __ ] you are the white crayon of this movie my friend whatever Spider-Man next to us Corp and Gwen finishes the antidote and gives it to her father who's like I know who your boyfriend is nowhere she's like okay cool give us them so using the power of super fast elevators liquid nitrogen and a shotgun they hold him off for a bit and the friend's like he gives Peter though who switches it out in the movie science device with the toxin while Wilhelm gets stabbed and Kurt tries to go up and stop him but too late then gets shot up into the air why are you smiling with dumpster the canister's clear blue not green the antidote gets spread all over the city and everybody gets cured the big tower on top of the Oscar Tower Falls because they were [ __ ] around at the base of it and destroyed it a bit Spidey Falls along with it and Connors saves him with his disintegrating arm I hate to break it to yachifa he can stick the walls so this gesture is kind of [ __ ] useless anyway Peter goes over to Chief the friend who's dying and makes his promise to leave Gwen out of his superhero business which he misinterprets as leaving her completely and doesn't show up to his funeral and support her what a [ __ ] I may have never really cares about why he's coming home beat up and really late anymore but she does drop some wisdom on and tell him that he's good guy to go after Gwyneth who has guesstimated somehow that her dad made him promise to stay away from her in one way or another or keep her safe from his superhero business so she really ain't that mad and then later on he just like [ __ ] that promise I want to tap that ass this movie gets a six just a six could be a six out of a thousand could be six out of a six you'll never know [Music]

Channel: High Boi

Views: 4,623,163

Keywords: the amazing spider-man, high boi, explained, haha

Id: csGPExz7TF4

Length: 13min 40sec (820 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 07 2022