David Letterman and Conan O'Brien, Part 2: 2010-2012

well ladies and gentlemen once again I did not get the Tonight Show over again that's not all listen to this today NBC announced that they are bringing back Johnny Carson and they're putting him on at 10:00 p.m. [Applause] the problem is my mother is now confused she called me over the weekend she said David and she wants to know now when she's supposed to watch Jay I said mom [Applause] but it's very confusing over there very crowded now at 11:30 once you get through the local news things start to bunch up a little bit and a little worried about Conan I'm not worried about Jay he'll you know he'll land on his chin he always problems I don't know do I still have a show although this conversation about everybody moving from here to there and this and that and I was thinking to myself boy to be nice if I had a show I realized I do have a show well I can see that coming from my house now we interrupt this program so that we may bring you a message from NBC News NBC has decided to move David Letterman back to 12:30 this has been a message from NBC News so now here's here's what happens Paul and I did the show over at NBC and then Paul got fired and we came over here yeah and and then and then Jay Leno wanted to do his show at 10:00 p.m. so he moves his show to 10:00 p.m. and then and then Conan who used to do our show yes he says I have a little buddy named Jimmy Fallon I'm gonna give him my show so he left him that show and then he did a Jays old show at 11:30 and then over the weekend it's all scrambled all of a sudden nothing's going on it's haywire there is so much confusion at our old network and I worry about those hooks over there because we got a lot of old friends over there and they're in trouble as a matter of fact here I'll show you how much trouble they're in at NBC this we have a feed a special feed this is what is on the air right now right now because of all of this chaos this is what's on the air right now at NBC take a look linked I love chicken Don will return in a moment let it show da-ding and Chuck Grodin Wow Wow [Applause] the other thing at NBC gosh now here's the problem the same new the same kind of thing happened when I was over there and and appalled and I did the show from it was a Tom Schneider used to do the show and it was called the tomorrow Shara and it came on after the Johnny Carson show yes and then and then the Tom left that show and then we came on and we did that show from 12:30 to 12:30 we came you came on 12:30 12:30 exactly yeah oh yeah and and then it was announced that Johnny Carson was leaving yes and and we just thought that they would just move us right in should have happened well no I'm not saying it should I'm saying that it I believe it should have happened well that didn't happen yes that's all right audience agree they will be having this kind of nutty problem but anyway going on so and now there's this big stink and where will I go and what will happen and what will they do in CBS god bless enough they said they called up and said Dave you know what once you come over here bring your little monkey circus over here your little nickel and dimed pony show and and we'll put you in bidness and and I said really should I do business with a guy who says bidness but I did and and you know we've been alright for ourselves and and then they give the show to Jay big jaw Leno yeah and and and he very successful very successful yeah yeah and then he says you know what I'm having trouble staying up this late is that huh that how it happened that's exactly what happened I see he said it's ruining my home life I'm so I can't iron he said is there any chance you could put me on a little earlier so they put him on at 10 p.m. with a fantastic variety show yes it was a wonderful program and now they take our old friend Conan O'Brien who took over our show and did our show yeah they gave him the the old Tonight Show so now everybody's got a show and then they bring in a likeable young newcomer Jimmy Fallon yeah he's on on the program and and then now also out there in the ionosphere is a Carson Daly heart I've never seen in my life you've never seen him personally I've never seen him show now I have no idea who that is either either way never seen him in my life and he's got a show he's he's like the the Pluto he comes talk shows it's like is it really a planet is it not implanted as a show a show yeah we don't understand all right and so there's a big stink about that when it happened and now here we are almost 20 years later and and well Conan now wants to go on the The Tonight Show when Jay does that does the thing and and so now all of a sudden they the NBC says you know what this is this is not what we want we're gonna take a J out of the 10:00 p.m. Joe and put him on at 11:30 back on his old show and he'll go on for like a half an hour half an hour show yeah and then cook less of what they used to do on the old Dumont Network isn't really they just like a 20 minute show that's right that's the kind of thing about how much do you have well I got about 18 minutes fine two minutes show so so now that moves everybody down so poor a Jimmy Fallon gets bumped he's now running he'll be on at at one he used to come on at 12th 105 105 fine and then and then what about Carson Daly he's really screwed easy but you know what nobody seems to care about that but so here's what they should do and I'm just passing this on above a word of advice to try and smooth things over because once again it's happened it's bitumen the you know they had a thing and I know I know where it's better yeah exactly like that when you tune in the Today Show over there at NBC you have Matt Lauer yeah and you also have Meredith Vieira yeah they should run The Tonight Show at 11:30 and and I don't know why I'm telling them how to fix their problems nobody's telling me how to fix my problem Wow let me hear what this is free genius TV advice Conan wants to be on The Tonight Show and all Jay wants to do we know two things about Jay he likes to tell jokes at 1,100 jokes at 11 yeah and he works on he has an old truck you got an old truck he loves he loves getting in there to tinker that's right that's what he likes that's what he likes to do he likes to being under there he's a man of the people he's a blue-collar guy likes getting his hands grand so here's what you do you have Kohner they come out together they're co-hosts of a nitro they're co-hosts that's what I agree Corner Conan comes out nice is good evening ladies and welcome to the night show and now here's Jay to tell his little jokes and then Jay Jay comes out and tells his little jokes and then the show begins in there yeah jail do a segment and then Conan will do a segment and jail do a segment and corner now that's how you fix it tonight guy I don't know what to tell you to do about Carson Daly I got no solutions there I'm sorry but there you go you can have that for free I would like that to see that thank you very much yeah me miss just checking the camp in this [ __ ] look maybe we're good on cars and stuff ladies gentlemen here's tonight's top ten list [Applause] what a coincidence this is exactly what I was talking about top 10 signs there's trouble at NBC that's the category tonight this yeah their sign yeah after four months the 10:00 p.m. NBC program the Jay Leno Show has been cancelled yeah NBC hopes to keep Jay Leno Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Fallon ah nothing here about Carson Daly Carson Daly was last seen hitchhiking on the 405 way apparently can you get me some air filters may be sloppy under the car all day so top 10 signs there is trouble now at NBC here we go number 10 lineup has more holes than the Green Bay Packers defense number 9 winner on Deal or No Deal gets to run the network for a week number 8 NBC Peacock crashed his car and beaten with a golf club number 7 NBC Christmas party is a week from Thursday number 6 Tina Fey is having a hard time making fictional network executives dumber than the real ones number 5 replacing Biggest Loser with a show about people whose weight fluctuates but is still within an acceptable range number 4 NBC President seen wandering halls shouting his Night Court still on number 3 promise they'll have this figured out by the 2014 Olympics number 2 who just gave 10 p.m. shortest new key and the number one sign there's Charlotte as we see it's so bad they'd even considered me [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Bob finest pates [Music] I'll be right back with the lovely Jennifer Connelly Little Italy [Applause] thanks for getting interesting in late night television you know what's going on ladies gentlemen late night television chaos and craziness and mayhem how a couple of minutes ago Conan O'Brien who was the host of The Tonight Show over there at NBC announced that he would not follow Jay Leno at 12:05 yeah so you know what this means that's right I knocked off another competitor [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Coenen said he made the decision not to follow Allah Noah - 12:05 after he talked to Johnny Carson that's what I thought I would want but listen to this if Conan does leave the Tonight Show President Obama then has to appoint a replacement did you know that oh my god power go and then I got a call just before I came out here from NBC and they said look look we still don't want you back really what I said and out so Jay Leno apparently is moving back to 11:30 and it's been hard on my mom it's been tough on my mom really because for the last six months she's been forced to watch me poor thing and now according to the New York Times al Qaeda is claiming responsibility for the wreckage at NBC about this other big announcement mark mcgwire homerun mark mcgwire claimed that he was using steroids when he hit all those home runs whoa yeah well sure he admits it now that the 10:00 p.m. slot is open right well now c.j a big jaw Leno was moved at 10 p.m. and he he was gonna be on five nights a week at NBC at 10:00 p.m. and that way they didn't have to spend a lot of money on valuable primetime show so now that he's moving back to 11 o'clock 11:30 NBC has got a scramble now and a fine shows to fill that 10 p.m. slot you know what I'm talking about because they used to have all those like Law & Order and the PR show and the dramas yeah the 10:00 o'clock dramas that would leave you staring at your TV for days so now NBC is really really up against it trying to come up with new shows to replace all the other ones that are gone now from and look look what they've come up with so far I think you're gonna like this one in the television industry there are two types of talk-show hosts Jay Leno and those who have been victimized by Jay Leno these are their stories [Applause] [Music] I uh I want to take a second here to kind of organize try and coalesce kind of focus my thoughts about this NBC television debacle and I don't know if it's interesting to the rank-and-file American viewers but it's interesting to myself and to Paul is because Paul and I used to work at NBC Rovin we started the late night show back in 1983 was it 83 was it 83 82 1982 that's right and and and we did the show how many years we do the show over there 12 almost 13 years yes ha what hello eleven and a half of it yeah Lebanon then they caught Paul stealing what were you stealing Paul I just wait out and do whatever I could grab fast right oh yeah so I said well look if you're gonna fire my pal Paul then I'm leaving as well and I will never forget you for that god bless you Paul I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you thank you and and then then what happened we came over here to CBS yes Jay Big Joe Leno had The Tonight Show Big John and and and that he went on to do very well with the show The Tonight Show oh yeah and then Conan O'Brien a nice fellow took our old job we were here so now Conan O'Brien was on at 12:30 and about four years ago he said I want a J big jolly nose job and they said NBC and the people at NBC and I want to tell you so a lot of people criticize these executives at NBC but don't kid yourselves if they didn't know what they're doing they wouldn't be there so so they said sure Conan you can have the Tonight Show in the 2009 2009 was that what they said he could have it yes so they went to Jay big JA Leno and they said Jay we're taking your show away from you yes and Jason yeah I was gonna suggest that so Jana decides he wants to go on at 10:00 p.m. they said fantastic and he did a wonderful variety show on it can ride a big variety show on a 10:00 p.m. there at NBC yeah and and one thing leads to another and it didn't quite to work out the way the geniuses and programming thought it might work out so so now the affiliates that carrying the NBC shows they said you know we're out of here we're going to tell them when to leave us alone don't follow us you know put a camera on a birdhouse we can do much better we we don't care get us out of here so now NBC said well everything's fine Jay big Joel and I was doing great at 10:00 and Conan will settle in and they said no we can't take it anymore so now they pull the plug on Jay they pulled the plug on him yes and they said okay your sh was canceled you're going back to 11:30 and Conan's going to 12:05 to do the Tonight Show which is somebody pointed out really at 12:05 is no longer the Tonight Show no tomorrow the too long it's the next day show [Music] so now everybody says what will Conan do will cone and Stan do the Tonight Show at 12:05 and then a Jimmy Fallon gets pushed back to when does he start he will start then at 1:00 yeah and then a minute to the other guy Carson Daly yeah what would show would have started at 2:00 and I called NBC and they said well we've never heard of Carson Daly so there but now here's the deal anytime there's a big stink like this and believe me there hasn't been a big stink like this in years it's money don't kid yourselves it's all about money and as a nice a guy as Conan is he's a smart fellow and he knows that if he takes a hike he's gonna lose an enormous sum of money so he just now says well I'm not gonna follow Jay right you guys do something about it so now NBC has to do something about it and they have to do one or two things they have to either pay him an enormous sum of money I mean I mean how much money do you think we're talking about 40 40 million dollars about in that neighborhood my friend just about in that neighborhood and that's big dough that's big dough because this whole mistake over there at NBC has cost them hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars so now the last thing they want to do they just want Conan to quit and go away and do a show in his basement that's what they want that's exactly what they want but he's a smart kid he's not going to do that he what he's in there for the cash or they waive his non-compete clause so he can go to fox or come here and take my job wait a minute but it's very exciting and and Carson Daly whoo this is kind of you know he here's a kid who had it should what would it would it show going 130 yeah having to show it 130 is almost exactly like not having a show the difference between having a show and having one at 130 like that [Applause] do we have time for this next little bit okay I'm right after the commercial come back and see if I still have a job ladies gentlemen we'll be right back with cookie Goldberg [Music] Oh Nelly beautiful for everybody I don't know I don't know if this is the the way of the world outside of show business been in show business there is nothing more fun more satisfying than watching somebody else screw up that is so we're really all enjoying this and and my old buddy Martin Mull years and years and years ago said it best he had the best moat about show business I've ever heard in my life show business is high school with money that's exactly what it is this thing could go to the Supreme Court this is remember the the first George Bush Al Gore election oh yeah when I went to Al Gore said wait a minute Dumbo we're not we're not done counting yet and then for six months we didn't have a president do you remember that I was we got so so president up to tonight's show so president I'm not sure that's exactly right because Conan said you know they said you're moving at 12:05 and he said well I'm not gonna follow Jay on tonight's show right what are you gonna do about it you can't yeah what are you gonna do about it oh yeah what are you gonna do about it guess what I'm here let's see what do we do the thing that's the thing ladies gentlemen here's tonight's top ten [Music] [Applause] and and jaea course man of the people just come sit next to Conan that's well that's what you were suggesting last night that to make co-host the show to them co-host why not I mean they can Regis and Kelly Regis and Kelly they do it on the Today Show turn them Pam Matt Lauer and they have a driver and Meredith Vieira that's right and it a--just be Conan on Jay yeah coach comes out welcome to the direction I use Jay with his little jokes again he does his little joke man and then Jay you know works on his truck it's not a great show right it's genius and like I said these guys wouldn't be over there if they didn't know what they were doing talking about the execs the NBC execs yeah the category highlights of Sarah Palin's first day at Fox News okay all right settle down CBS hasn't fired me yet I'm still here cold outside it it lousy cold outside today you know they say from the weather bureau they say it's caused by an Arctic chill between J and Kona Nats this I still have a show right it was so far I sure about this yesterday a conan over hit so so confusing ladies gentlemen and jay leno used to be on at 11:30 then they moved him to 10 and then Conan O'Brien was on at 11:30 now they want him to go on at 12:05 and then it would put Jay from 10 to 11:30 and and Carson Daly now I got to get a show in Mexico or something he don't know what to do I mean it'll make you dizzy so Conan O'Brien yesterday says well I'm not doing the Tonight Show at 12:05 and you think about all he's right that Tonight Show that would you know that's the next day it's not really the tit that's right it's like the day after or the but it used to be the tomorrow show right so he said forget it I'm not doing the show at 12:05 well NBC went back to him and then they decided to sweeten the deal they offered him 1204 maybe you don't get it but and now the buzz is that Conan may leave NBC to start a show of his own at another network and I thought where to get an idea like that and the whole idea of this was NBC wanted to get a thing going whereby they wouldn't make the same mistake they made when Johnny quit and retired that there were a lot of bad feelings they wanted to avoid causing more bad feelings well mission accomplished I miss Johnny Carson I mean by god when Johnny quit he quit point and my mom bless her arch you so confused last night she actually watched me seriously I have a show in so far good or now this was good last night on ABC Jimmy Kimmel did the entire show as Jay Leno headlines Jimmy Kimmel was so convincing as Leno today NBC canceled him I wanna taste something I have not been this entertained by NBC since Balloon Boy threw up on The Today Show remember that get in the box in the Attic Billy no get in the Attic I gotta call the Air Force but now I see it's this thing it's so complicated now that the Jay Leno a show he was doing a variety show in prime time I thought now that that's gone NBC s too scrambled out to fill five hours of prime time diagramming and you know they're up against the first week I give you an exam what they're do first week YouTube cat videos hey five hours across the board very great McCrea z scientists have developed a robotic female a human life like female girlfriend for and and they're not kidding around it's for robotic sex that's what it's for robotic sex when oh wait a minute isn't that marriage I mean okay are you done yeah you're done yeah okay I wonder who's hosting the Tonight Show I better look at that Letterman still get a show anyway NBC's even been looking into buying one of those robots yeah they tell jokes at 11:30 on everybody listen this continuing controversy surrounding NBC late-night here now we put together a segment I think this is fascinating this will give you some historic perspective the name of the segment Jay Leno the early years take a look I think you'll enjoy it after losing out on the part of Captain Hook - Peter McKittrick eight-year-old Jay Leno sabotage the school's production of Peter Pan this has been Jay Leno the early years [Applause] you know it looks like he is going to go back to 11:30 J but he also has other plans in in the works take a look at this announcement congratulations to Jay Leno on his inevitable return to the Tonight Show and stay tuned to NBC for more excitement in the coming weeks as Jay takes over the Arsenio Hall Show and takes over Merv Griffin's grave in DC crunch all you want will make more do ya buddy I am its I mean it's a and forgive me if I yammering about this incessantly but I'm fascinated by the situation over at NBC s because you have many many many top stars proven but television personalities and their careers and futures are at stake here all because of the bundling imaginations of the idiots at the NBC executive level and I'll tell you a poll and I worked at NBC for a long long time how long do we work over that eleven twelve years almost twelve and I can remember I got so angry one year we it was our anniversary we were doing a thing for our anniversary and then we're gonna have a party after our anniversary thing it was a big show at Radio City Music Hall it was a big primetime special big grind or primetime special yeah and and the the pinheads and the nitwits and the and that and the twits and the knuckle draggers and the mouth breathers that were running the network in in those days and and many of them are says so one the other night when we went over to see the thing we were yeah and and and he got so angry at them that we're having the party immediately following the big Radio City Music Hall show that I said to my manager at Jack Rollins at the time I said Jack go find God and tell him he's not coming to the party no couldn't rely uninvited the guy to the pizza disinvite my god and all hell broke loose paw and later we saw the guy like that you heard yeah you heard the man hey damn it because and I just said well you know there's when you're this dumb there's a price that comes with that then explain that to the guy I said I just claimed it to him you can't be walking around stupid and expect to be invited to parties that's right I think we've all learned something tonight so so here's here's the problem and of course it's always a money and here you got to hear Jay Leno and then you get your Conan O'Brien and then after that it becomes a Denny Clausen any guys that any classic gallon that's right over there any fella you were over there visiting last week nice guy very nice yeah or Denny Claude any Clausen Jimmy Fallon yeah you're not coming to the party and I'll tell you what you're too dumb Dom you're too dumb to come to the party Dom you heard command so and then then the guy that after Jimmy Fallon Carson Daly does the Total Request Live yeah that's right well that's how he broke out onto the scene and that was about 15 years ago we have all of these all of these people and and and just here's what my goal my dream for American television I just want everybody who wants a show to have a shot that's all I want the Warhol give me this your take on Warhol I want everybody who wants to show everybody who wants a show to have a show that's all it's 2010 if we can't get these kids shows yeah then the terrorists have won that's right you know so here's what I'm doing I'm going to invite Jay Leno to be on the show I'm gonna invite Conan O'Brien to be on the show I'm gonna invite Jimmy Fallon to be on the show and I'm gonna invite Carson Daly to be on the show if we'll get him a folding chair somewhere [Applause] and a little stool little can-can swing out it he could sit on that and and then and then we'll get the the idiot behind this mess Jeff Zucker Oh Oh over there at NBC and I remember when we did our show Jeff Zucker was like 22 years old and he was the producer of the Today Show to remember that of course and he was just this little dopey kid and I and a tiny dopey kid and and it was either you know he wanted was too heavy too fat to be a jockey but that so that was his first that's what he wanted to do originally and and now he's running the entire network and and and boy like three or four years ago he makes this decision and it comes back to haunt everybody everybody is is seething they're really upset so here's my plan bring everybody out here everybody involved you can bring agents you can bring managers you can bring lawyers and yes wives we'll settle it right here and and when we're we won't leave this theater until everybody who wants a show has a show [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] ladies gentlemen here's tonight's top ten list [Applause] [Music] [Applause] the category tonight top 10 messages on Jeff Zucker's voicemail this will be he at Jeff Zucker is the president and CEO of NBC Universal and the mastermind behind the late-night mess considered one of the biggest debacles in television history masterminded it that's right and you don't hear anything from this guy all of a sudden he's gone he's hiding someplace and and and you know NBC was just purchased by Comcast yeah and they got it for like twenty thirty billion uh-huh and and in the last week the the worth of the company has plummeted so you know you know the Comcast people are really okay [Applause] man all right the category a top ten messages left on Jeff Zucker's voicemail we had a guy and this is the thing for years and years and years ago when they were having meetings about were they gonna give The Tonight Show to Jay were they gonna give it to me I do and they had a big meeting out there in Burbank and Jay bless his heart was hiding in the closet you remember that well I saw that on The Late Show War is that show that's right that's right it was the war that kicked off the war right and if he wants we'll get him a closet to hide in here when everybody comes here if Jay he can hide right back so close in fact he couldn't hide in there and be secretly use dropping on things everybody here what was that that's gays in the closet in the closet okay he's here buddy whoa buddy anyway who was sent a guy in to Jeff suckers office and he's got his stole is a voicemail thing and we get top ten messages on Jeff suckers voicemail here we go ladies gentlemen number ten what the hell are you doing number nine hi this is Jay Leno Conan seemed upset in the elevator everything okay number eight no seriously what the hell are you doing number seven I it's Burt Reynolds just so you know I'm available number six Letterman here went to borrow one of my hair pieces number five hi this is Mark McGwire if you're looking to bulk up I know a guy there before it's Jay again all in all I think it's gone pretty well number three I'm from Comcast regarding the sale of I think we're okay a never-nude Larry King here keep up the good work and the number one message left on Jeff suckers voicemail what does suck [Applause] [Music] that's him right there mr. television ladies and gentlemen we'll be right back with Kiefer Sutherland everybody [Applause] [Music] [Applause] I just those are the old days that was the old Dave when I was uninviting executives to parties I don't do that anymore in a matter of fact we don't have parties anymore but I wouldn't tell you something even if we had parties I'd invite that guy to a party which guy the guy that I didn't that I uninvited the other to invite him now to apply I'm the new day if you had parties now that's right if we had a party I'm having a party tonight I didn't write that okay if we did yeah the new day it's the new day right thank you which is the Dave that wouldn't have a party tonight which is that day well we're not having a part that's what I mean if we would the guy would be coming all right because I've learned a few things as I've grown older yeah and the most important thing to learn is we're just all in this mess together you and I are the same person you and I are the same we're the same and and and we should care and share and look out for one another except maybe for this guy do we have a picture of Jeff Zucker again this guy is not coming to ya okay even if you had if you had a party that would be though that the exception that you were drawing I embraced mankind except except for him yeah yeah all right that's right well he doesn't have to worry because you're not having a party there is no party well maybe I am maybe I'm not [Laughter] let me let me ask you a question do you folks know what's going on with NBC and they're the trouble they're having with the Jay Leno and the Conan O'Brien ari are you aware you heard about them are youare you getting are you getting tired of hearing about it me neither listen to this I just heard this on my way out here earlier today NBC announced that they were putting the NBC Peacock on the endangered species list getting bad [Music] I thought this was nice President Obama invited Jay and Conan to the White House for a beer now see I think what a lot of people are losing focus of is the fact that if Jay Leno goes back to 11:30 and Conan goes back to 12:05 that leaves a gaping hole in the NBC primetime lineup Monday through Friday they'll have nothing to put on from 10:00 to 11:00 primetime on NBC so the NBC executives and by god what a brain trust that's all you need to know they're scrambling they're trying to get programming and so far they've got the next week covered next week it will be security cam footage of mini-mart holdups so that's good and then the following week it'll be home movies of a bear trying to climb into a hammock so we're covered for the first two weeks don't worry about it hey here's a program reminder over there on NBC this weekend the Golden Globe Awards golden yeah and it's a night when Hollywood takes a break from self congratulations to let foreigners congratulate the NAT sound it's a big big night and here's a interesting personal note if Meryl Streep doesn't win for Julia Child I get a beating from my bookie our good friend Ricky Gervais will be hosting the Golden Globes if Jay lets him I mean I let's let's stop get around Jay likes to be the center of attention I mean come on the guy likes to be the center of attention I don't care where he is or who's involved Jay just loves to be the center of attention as a matter of fact did you take the Harbor tour today what here here's what I'm talking about take a look at this see there let's go out there live to Burbank we have a camera out there we're waiting now there's the chimney they're looking to see they're waiting on the smoke keep your eyes on the chimney to see if they've selected a host for The Tonight Show yet they'll let us know all right let's we'll check back in they apparently don't have a decision yet there's anything back live to Burbank we're waiting to see keep your eye on the to know then they've apparently made a decision all right so that's [Music] that's good news but you know Jay is getting a lot of negative publicity so he is released now a message reminding people of what he Jay Leno stands for we have a copy of it here I think you'll find it enlightening take a look Jay Leno is Middle America he represents traditional American values the things this country was built on like killing Indians because you want their land Jay Leno America's standing up for Jay now this thing this thing going on at NBC hears and I think I have a right because Paul and I are tangentially involved in this circumstance we we went through our own version of this 17 18 years ago whatever that wasn't whenever there's two people two people the two principles involved here as I see it one is Jay Leno and as we know from watching Jay on The Tonight Show over all these years he's a humanitarian and a man of the people and and he will I can't tell you how many times I've picked up the newspaper and seen where Jay has stopped at the side of the road to help somebody refuel their car or change a tire and he's he's a guy who cares about people so whatever happens he will of course do the right thing he will probably if I had to bet will step aside and let Conan continue as the host of The Tonight Show that's my because that's that's the kind of guy he is yeah putting others first yes I try to be helpful and useful whenever I can and as you may know there's big changes coming to television in the coming months I guess we've all heard about a few of them right well here now get ready to write these down big changes coming to TV take a look the television landscape is changing every day to keep you the home viewer informed we've compiled a list of the most recent developments George Stephanopoulos who had been hosting this week is now co-hosting Good Morning America Ted Koppel who used to host Nightline will now host this week Jay Leno who used to host The Tonight Show at 11:35 but has since moved to 10:00 p.m. will reclaim his slot at 11:35 Conan O'Brien who used to host late-night at 12:35 but has since moved to the Tonight Show will move to 12:05 or to Fox and Larry King will be replaced by a book to Duluth Minnesota you're on the air paid for by [Applause] speaking of television shows where we're talking about TV shows the big CBS show here anybody seen the medium oh it's uh it's about a woman who can communicate with the dead a woman who can communicate with the dead as a matter of fact this Sunday this week Johnny Carson calls up the medium and he asks her what the hell is going on with the Tonight Show he says could you just check over there things are crazy I don't know what's going on at NBC I don't know what's going on with the Tonight Show but listen how crazy it is earlier today I get a call from the executives at CBS and they want to know if I would consider a jaw enhancement what are you kidding you know Conan O'Brien they're saying that he may be getting as severance pay 30 million dollars to leave NBC 30 million dollars to leave NBC I mean as getting a bonus to leave the Titanic there you go we'll take care of that for you that's a bonus of 30 million dollars not to host The Tonight Show Wow I mean I mean Wow 30 million dollars not to host The Tonight Show and I was thinking to myself and I said no wait a minute I've not been hosting the Tonight Show for 18 years where the hell's my honey where is my check that's exactly what I was looking for we're talking about this confusion with the the NBC The Tonight Show first it was Jay Leno and and then he went to ten o'clock to do a variety show for the network and they brought in Conan O'Brien to do the Tonight Show and now NBC says no we don't want to Conan O'Brien so they want to take him out and they want to take Jay out of his variety show and put him back in the 11:30 Tonight Show is very confusing NBC has tried now to clarify the issue here watch this January 2010 Conan O'Brien hosts his final Tonight Show March 2010 Jay Leno resumes hosting the Tonight Show July 20 42 NBC converts Jay Leno into a cyborg so we can host The Tonight Show through the 23rd century thanks for watching your local news starts now I don't know if you're aware exactly of what's going on at NBC but we talked about it a little bit and and it's it's Jay yeah it's Conan and it's me and every now and then Jimmy Kimmel comes in and causes some trouble which is great yeah just fantastic so and nobody knows what to do Conan would like to stay they said no you should go and he said no I want to stay and and so now they get a throw him out but to throw him out he gets thirty million dollars and J of course all J keeps saying is and so and so now all of a sudden comes this outpouring of anger directed at J who is America's best friend he's the guy next door when you need to borrow a wrench to fix your lawnmower or when you need your lawn more fix jail come over and he's got his blue jeans on and he's got his blue jean shirt yeah any-any you know got got that thing and he okay let's rolls up his sleeve and he goes to work or let's just say you're driving from Omaha to a st. Louis and your car breaks down right there by the side of the road is Jay to change your tire it's been documented hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of times he was like triple-a for the United States for the teeth for the home viewer Jay is triple-a he's there he's johnny-on-the-spot he'll take care of you so you know I forgot what I was playing about Jay whole thing honey finances right so now all of a sudden this outpouring of people are upset and leave Conan alone and you had your a variety show at 10:00 leave Conan give Conan his show at 11:30 and don't be such a bully go somewhere else get your own show get your own show and and now people are jumping on Jay it's unprecedented I've never seen anything and I keep saying to people well what what has he done wrong he's just kind of doing what the network tells him to do ya know they say Jay go to ten right so they say they say Jay all right Jay the ten o'clock didn't work him back to 11:30 so and now and now Conan will be free to go plus he's got 30 million dollars so it's hard to feel bad for anybody you know because everybody makes out in this deal and then I pick up the New York Times on as this this was I guess Friday morning the 15th Friday January the 15th 2010 everybody is getting into the story here's the headline can you see it right there executive a leaps to Leno's defense so I thought well really now they got in NBC executives defending a Jay who heretofore why is he needed defending he isn't what has he done you know hasn't done nothing so listen to this so it's a guy who runs the NBC Sports named Dick Ebersol now I've known Dick Ebersol you've known Dick Ebersol years yeah we worked at NBC I've known Dick Ebersol since the late 70s and he was a guy and he was always a guy and he still is a guy and and and he he came in to NBC and he's the one that said get the Olympics get the Olympics get the Olympics and it's been a tremendous success and now they got the Winter Olympics coming up pretty soon in a couple of weeks so now all of a sudden Dick Ebersol feels he's got to get in there and help big JA so I think what is this how did that how did this happen very you know it's like you're you're wrestling around in the backyard somebody's mom comes out ok come on boys break it up break it up let's go don't dude leave Timmy alone come on get off him it's completely unnecessary come on and Plus Dick Ebersol has got things on his mind I mean the Olympics kick off up there in Vancouver up there whittler listen I mean he really right now he should be up there putting the finishing touches on the Bode Miller story he should be Ryan he he should be up there picking out sweaters for Bob Costas he doesn't he doesn't have time for this so now Bob and Bob turn around let me see the one with the reindeer all right turn there all right now try the plaid one Bob all right let's see what that looks like on camera what about a scarf to go with that Bob kind of a thing like that when you're out there with the bobsled boys a thing like that why don't you look into that get yourself a scarf gloves get him some gloves so here's what Eversole says out of the blue and I'm thinking old dick dick dick the verbal barbs in this a late night of war got louder Thursday as a top NBC executive struck back against on air two attacks on the network's once and future Tonight Show host Jay Leno now this is what he said I don't know where he didn't need to talk about this he really doesn't you know leave us alone we're having fun referring to the pointed jokes made this week by mr. O'Brian and David Letterman of CBS mr. Ebersole said it was chicken-hearted and gutless to blame blame guys you couldn't beat in the ratings chicken hearted and gutless that's what he said he's calling me and Conan O'Brien chicken hearted and gutless I can't speak for Conan O'Brien I for the sake of the discussion yes i'm chicken-hearted and yes i'm gutless but these two characteristics have nothing to do with the current situation I'm telling jokes and making fun of Jay Leno over and over and over relentlessly mercilessly simply for one reason and that is I'm really enjoying it it's I don't know it's just fun that's all I got we'll be right back with tonight's top ten list and the Christian [Applause] [Music] yeah thank you very much Bob Bob this is Dick Ebersol we're gonna need you tomorrow at 2:15 for the earmuff meeting is this it right here hey ladies gentlemen here's tonight's top ten list [Applause] [Music] I'm Bob dis Dick Ebersol again listen I don't want to tell you how to do your business bring plenty of chapstick chapstick you're gonna be outside a lot bring plenty of chapstick okay okay Bob okay okay okay Bob Bob Bob chapstick bring plenty of chapstick Bob okay okay okay this is hey Bob if it goes well guess what hot chocolate hot chocolate loud hot chocolate buddy hey how you doing hey here's something you know up in Massachusetts the big election you following what's going on up there Ted Ted Kennedy's a Senate seat which Ted had for life 4045 years something like that a mainstay a landmark the the Lion of the Senate Ted Kennedy his seat is now up for grabs and the election is pretty close and I was thinking you know by God my money's on Jay Leno are you this was I thought this was fascinating last night on the Jay Leno 10:00 p.m. NBC variety showed Jay Leno Jay Leno said that this NBC Tonight Show mess is not his fault it's not his fault and I said I know I know it's not his fault but it isn't funny that he always turns up at the scene of the crime I'll tell ya don't kid yourself I'm getting beat up in this thing too by god I got my feelings hurt pretty bad listen to this there were more people turned up for the keep Conan rally then turned up at the fire Letterman rally do you know that yeah I'm sorry it is terrible they're saying now and we don't know this officially but they're saying that Conan O'Brien's last show is the NBC host of the NBC tonight show will be Friday and I was thinking you know if CBS had a sense of humor bless you if CBS had a sense of humor they'd send a guy out here right now to fire me I thought this courageous on Conan O'Brien's party says up he wants to work for a network that is more trustworthy than NBC once a work for a network that is more trustworthy than NBC how about Al Jazeera oh maybe I don't know and believe me I'm not the kind of guy that likes to pile on when somebody else is having trouble that's not my style live and let live as I always sent that I'm gonna tell you now and you're not gonna hear this anywhere else here's how bad things are at NBC out there in Burbank at the headquarters of NBC out there in Burbank yeah how bad they are earlier today the NBC Peacock walked into a KFC and surrendered [Applause] that's how bad we're talking about this NBC and they got to get on this they're already promoting the new Tonight Show with Jay Leno again who was for seven months he left it tonight's show and went to did the primetime variety show and now Conan is leaving The Tonight Show so now NBC has got to get ready he got a gear up and start promoting the the new Tonight Show with Jay Leno again so here now is NBC at helping now as steamroll and promote the new Tonight Show [Laughter] it may be obvious but I didn't come out here alone anyway take a look at how they're promoting the new Tonight Show watch a late-night fans in just a few short weeks Jay Leno will be back where he belongs as host of The Tonight Show and all your favorite elements of Jace tonight's show will be back the phony handshakes the guy with the guitar who laughs at everything the bed he stole from Letterman's Late Night show the bit he stole from Howard Stern the announcer he stole from Howard Stern and me I'm ed Hall the all-new Tonight Show with Jay Leno coming soon I ladies gentlemen welcome to the program every day I wake up when I say I'm gonna keep my mouth shut about this NBC Tonight Show thing because honestly folks I don't have a dog in this fight but here's the deal I've known a Jay Leno for I don't know 35 years a long long time and we used to buddy around in the old days and what we're seeing now is kind of vintage Jay and it's enjoyable for me to see this it's it's like hey there is there's the guy I know and I just thought well I better keep my mouth shut because I you know lord knows I got my own problem I really I got I got my own problems but I just can't help myself and and while it's true I don't specifically have a dog in this fight I think that in some way I and Paul are responsible for the mess that's taking place over there now we're responsible yes because because we in the because of the big stink that we created when we left and we left the big years and years ago they said okay well that'll never happen again right so well that's why Jay says he was gonna retire five years ago just to avoid that that's right they wanted to avoid another transitional brouhaha if I can invoke a little French please do so last night Jay gave his state of the network speech he did and state of the network state of the net and I saw and he said that we should not blame Conan for what's going on don't blame Conan don't blame Conan for what's going on and I said to myself no one is blaming and he further elucidated that what who who we should actually blame our conan's agents and managers we should blame them because this is what they do and then Jay pointed out that he himself has no agent or manager so I'm begging you ladies gentlemen on behalf of everyone involved please don't blame don't blame corner ok I know a lot of you people think that Conan pushed himself out of a job I don't blame him he's not that kind of guy he would never do that to himself you're saying this is vintage Jay please don't blame okay that's all I got tonight all right that's [Music] J also let us know last night that Conan is a family guy apparently yeah he said he was a good family a good family a good family man yes right I hope you're not planning on blaming Conan are you why was I I mean in the thousands and thousands of words that have been printed about this mess who has blamed Conan no one I don't think so no one has blamed Conan yeah yeah what do you do don't blame Conan it's just business okay kind of like a family when NBC said they sent a couple of guys they sent a couple of guys to my office one was the the the red-headed haired guy with the beard and the other was their attorney John ago Leah Warren Littlefield yeah oh I remember yes yeah they they sent these guys to my office to tell me I wasn't gonna get the Tonight Show and so I thought it over and said okay fine well enough let's settle up Paul and I Paul got fired well I yeah stealing and stealing office whiteout things like staplers so I said well it couldn't be more clear that there's no room for me here at NBC so of the folks at CBS the good dear folks at CBS said Dave come on over come on over come on over do your little show here yeah so when when five years ago when NBC said to Jay you know what Conan's gonna take over your job in five years that's when you say okay fine no hard feelings you call ABC you call Fox you try to get my job you leave you don't you don't hang around you you you go across the street and you punish NBC and you make them eat your words right and and then and then then Conan has a job Jay has a job I have a job that what's his name Lonnie Donegan what's his name yeah the guy me for Allen Jimmy Fallon has a job line Lonnie Donegan and and he has a job - yeah and and Jimmy Kimmel has a job yeah see that's the way that things are supposed to work it's just part of evolution okay it's a Darwin it's an early dirt with Freesat Island you get fired get another gig don't hang around waiting for somebody to drop dead well I feel I've gone too far yet again we'll be right back with tonight's top ten list and Dwayne Johnson [Music] oh my goodness look at this they're paying Conan O'Brien 40 million dollars to walk away forty million dollars to walk away what do you think of that if I give you $20 can I walk away oh yeah yeah sure you want me to get you a cab welcome to the show ladies gentlemen welcome to New York City what's the weather like outside not bad it's not bad or it's cold in Southern California it's pouring rain it's one of those times a year in Southern California when it's raining like crazy out there in Los Angeles and there's flooding all over LA flooding everywhere so I'm thinking of myself whoa it's a good thing Conan O'Brien is getting sandbagged because [Applause] [Music] yeah okay here here's what's going on they get the floods they get the mudslides and as usual the only thing left standing is Jay Leno he's there let me ask you this in contractual negotiations are you fascinated by legal detail [Laughter] listen to this Conan O'Brien he had the Tonight Show and now he's a leaving and NBC is negotiating with him and it's that intellectual property he can't take his signature comedy bits with him but that's okay Jay we'll take them so it's gonna work out just fine not a problem not a problem and they're saying Conan O'Brien bless his heart gets thirty two million dollars to walk away from NBC to leave NBC and I was thinking you know when I left NBC all I got was a restraining order that's all I got but things are starting to settle down now and J I guess we'll be going back to the Tonight Show at 11:35 and he's been off the Tonight Show for seven eight nine months or something like that so he's got to get back in shape so he's spending an hour a day working out on the chin master so that'd be that'd be good now with the all this attention being focused on The Tonight Show and NBC and it's it's a wreck their late night as scheduled and now it's wrecked their primetime schedule everything is in chaos and that's the way it goes in broadcasting you know one day you're up the next day you're down it's just part of the business and I thought you know this is a great opportunity we'll put together a segment and tonight's segment is called get to know Jay Leno is that that's not the I'm sorry we're going to get to know Jay Leno in a segment we call Jay Leno a look back that's the difference Jay Leno a look back that's right here you go take a look in 2010 Jay Leno's stole The Tonight Show from Conan O'Brien in 1992 he claimed the hosts chair by forcing out the beloved Johnny Carson and in 1961 a conniving Jay Leno managed to wrest control of The Tonight Show from Jack Paar this has been Jay Leno oh look let me let me tell you a little something about how television works I don't know much about show a business or show business but I know a little bit about how television works and what television is is when you have a television at work what that is it's a family and we here in in New York and the folks at CBS in California we are like the parents of the family and making up the the children of the family and perhaps aunts and uncles as well siblings too would be all of the CBS affiliates all across the North America this makes up our wonderful family and it's a nurturing supportive system that keeps us going night after night after night because honestly without the great affiliates of the CBS network what would we have well we would have nothing that is gentlemen we would have nothing you people wouldn't be here televisions wouldn't have even been invented that's the importance of the television network there are family and and if we can't count on them and can't rely on them well we might as well give up because we would have that's right we would have nothing now by way of introducing this next segment it's called a CBS affiliate of the night take a look [Applause] Conan has been offered 30 million dollars to walk away from his NBC contract owner Jay Leno as well but Conan's just to learn where to butterman though [Applause] [Music] that's the CBS affiliate ko intv Portland Oregon - that is great yeah that's traffic reporter Carla keneley well she's Team Coco yeah that's right yeah actually yeah well I won't say anything okay - I know as you can can you feel the love ladies - you've got it baby I mean is it any wonder I pound out of bed every morning with a smile on my face our children your children that's right ko I and Portland Oregon god bless you Carly thank you very much I just want to make sure I have this quote correct actually yeah well I won't say anything I appreciate the discretion our weaving on in Portland I mean did you see and God bless them you know god bless them and because and but they're all excited oh yeah go team Kodak Conor yeah go team Leno I like Jack yeah and then as an afterthought Oh team letterman yeah well actually uh better not that I wanna say I want saying yeah I mean don't they know that this stuff goes and we can see it well I'll tell you who I'd love to see his lead guest tomorrow night that that gal that the trafficker partly kennelly yeah did we get her yeah well I don't know actually she couldn't wait for a call from Conan okay weather is the weather wacky where you folks live listen to this four days of rain in Los Angeles and there's been a lot of flooding and it's such a mess and when it floods like that they get the mudslides and the only good thing about the mudslides the mudslides put out the wildfires but it's continuing to rain and it's been such a problem in Southern California and Los Angeles in particular that earlier today Jay Leno held a press conference to announce that it wasn't his fault people are feeling much better much better and now there are rumors that President Obama may be paid to leave office and well Bush will get his old job back so that's what they're saying yeah tomorrow by the way a TV news at Conan O'Brien's last show tomorrow night Conan O'Brien's last show was there a problem as a result of this whole mess people are beating up on Jay Leno and and and I've beaten him up and telling the jokes about him and and and and saying things about him and attacking him and going after him and then people say why would you do that and I'll tell you it's fun but say what you will about Jay this guy is a shrewd negotiator a shrewd negotiator he knows what he's talking about he's not just driving around in old cars here's a guy who knows what he's talking about it when comes to making a deal as a matter of fact we have we got some security camera footage nobody knows about this this is Jay Leno settling his deal with an NBC executive watch how shrewd this guy is take a look you know is that some kind of code see you see what I've said but don't worry about Conan Conan is leaving the show but he's taken with him forty five million dollars forty five million dollars he had the gig for seven months he's leaving with forty five million dollars I'm telling it's like a Larry King divorce if you think about it that's exactly what it's like and as part of the settlement with Conan O'Brien Conan will not be allowed to badmouth NBC hey don't worry leave it to me I'll take care of that [Applause] [Music] bought a some you know who's the forgotten man and all of this here's the rundown you got the head cone here first of all you had Jay attend on his variety show and then you had Conan at 11:30 on The Tonight Show after that you had Jimmy Fallon Jimmy Fallon following Jimmy Fallon was Carton Carson Daly Carson Daly has a show on NBC but nobody can find the paperwork so he's a we thought well tonight let's give the Carson Daly some credit let's give the man his due so we put together this segment it's called getting to know Carson Daly okay yeah Carson Daly is a talk show host or a comedian or a DJ or something like that who has a show on NBC at 1:30 a.m. or maybe two I'm not really sure I only saw him once when my dog was up all night vomiting this has been getting to know Carson Daly I find this confusion and this chaos I find it amusing here's my hope I just want that everybody who wants a show gets a show that's that's all that's wrong about what everybody over me yes if you want a show I want you to have anything should have it and out ladies gentlemen another popular segment on the program we've been doing from time to time it's called the Jay Leno file the Jay Leno file take a look 2010 Jay Leno's failure in primetime Forces Conan O'Brien to step down as host of The Tonight Show 1992 Jay begins his run as host of The Tonight Show forcing talk-show legend Johnny Carson off the air 1989 Jay uses one of his vintage classic cars to force Jimmy Stewart off the road this has been the Jay Leno fire let's see just take a second here to say a couple of things and I usually preface my remarks like that when I don't know what I'm going to say people now are and this is how people are they're upset with me well they're always upset with you yeah upset with me because they say there's an inequity in my attack on Jay Leno versus Conan O'Brien they say that I've been telling way too many jokes about Jay and and not enough jokes about Conan there's several reasons for that first of all I've known Jay forever I've only known Conan I don't know 20 years secondly it's just more fun to tell jokes about Jay it's just I can't I just I just can't help it you know what I mean god help you say but in any way in the interest of a fair play and and lord knows if I don't stand for fair play what do I stand for what huh if I don't stand for fair play that can what do you think exactly what do you stand if you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything that's right hey I heard that yeah so in the interest of equality here we're now going to we had one of our writers a Joe Grossman we said Joe yeah listen you gotta help us out here we need some jokes about Conan we've had plenty of jokes about Jay Oh Big Joe Leno but now we need some jokes about Conan big-hair O'Brien yeah he does have a pompadour yeah so he said I'm your guy I can write that joke so here he is ladies gentlemen Jill Grossman Joe come on out hey Joe nice to see it how you doing how's it going everything good yeah feeling good yeah you're working hard yeah you playing hard yes that's all I need to hear my friend you got anything planned for the weekend I'm seeing a play in a basement now Joe you understand what we're talking about it people are saying they're too many jokes about Jay we need some jokes about Conan you're the guy you spent some time you put together a list there of jokes about Conan O'Brien take it away my friend knock him dead blow the roof off the dump here we go Conan O'Brien's chin is so big it was just hired as the new spokesman for Jenny Craig Conan O'Brien owns so many cars every Valentine's Day he sends a floral arrangement to his mechanic Conan O'Brien's voice is so high-pitched doctors use it to dissolve kidney stones Joe Joe though I know what that is those are just jokes about Jay that you put Conan's name in now menudo have a joke about Conan O'Brien I'm gonna have to ask you to leave now do you have a joke about Conan or not hold on all right hold on yes okay got one okay Joe Grossman Conan O'Brien is so old every night when he finishes taping CBS's Late Show his staff wraps him in mummy bandages and puts him in a sarcophagus not [Music] thank you so much ladies gentlemen here's tonight's top ten [Applause] now people are saying I don't know if you folks know what's going on at NBC but people are now saying I don't know if this is true that tonight is Conan O'Brien's final night yep that's what they're saying so it looks like I knocked off another competitor coincidentally today is the fifth anniversary kind of a sad anniversary of the death of Johnny Carson died five years ago today yep but don't worry Jay has an alibi so that's everything's good he I mean you got a love you got a love JJ is like a whack-a-mole you know you think you've canceled him and he pops up on another time period [Applause] but see the the other problem now with Jay moving back to 11:30 NBC's got no 10 o'clock show because Jay was in the 10 o'clock timeslot and that's not just one night a week that's five nights a week so that's the heart and soul of the NBC primetime lineup so they really are scrambling the first week is gonna be fine they get a new game show with your favorite your buddy Regis Philbin it's gonna be it's a great show it's called guess my area code and it's gonna be you know ladies gentlemen this transitional controversy that's going on at NBC is eerily reminiscent of many many years ago when Paul and I left NBC to come here to CBS and we thought we were going to a Burbank to do The Tonight Show but Jay already got the job so it's it's like history repeating itself kind of and when when that happened there was an HBO movie about all of the problems called the late shift well guess what there's a sequel there's a sequel yes there's a sequel to the late shift take a look in 1996 HBO gave us the critically acclaimed movie about the late-night Wars and now the story continues in late shift to a behind-the-scenes look at the struggle between Conan and Jay over the 11:35 time slot featuring Max von Sydow as David Letterman late ship 2 coming soon to HBO I wish I looked that good [Applause] here's something that happened to me a couple of days ago remember when they gave cookie what's his name Jay Leno quit and they gave cookie what's his name called cocoa Brian right I heard of the fact that they liked to come do him as Conan yeah and then he when he got The Tonight Show he became a Coco Coco yes I sometimes because I enjoy cookies you thought yeah yeah I'll tell you something about or Oreos yeah when I was a kid my parents couldn't afford Oreos and and plus my mother made such tremendous cookies she made the best chocolate chip cookies ever eaten in my life so why go out and pay the Oreo people top dollar to get those things right and I always I always thought to myself they're overrated and and then they're then there's something else called Hydrox which sounds like it's chemicals like here's it you have the Oreos and then you have the chemical version of the Oreos we're gonna call those Hydrox they're that you know it's puts it be in your mind that the partum is a good contains a certain amount of bleach right tiger one time so we never had cookies prepared cookies in her house because mom bless her heart was always baking and tremendous and tremendous and tremendous so a couple of weeks ago I'm starving I'm having a BSE what does it be sa no it is blood sugar emergency blood sugar emergency I'm about to go down and a leap and I'll live so I see that there's a container of Oreos and this is what I love about American marketing they now come in in a thing with sleeves they're about that wide and they have made four sleeves of Oreos in them and you know how you get to be my age you can't open anything and and as a last resort and and that doesn't even work and the little thing that says tear here I mean that's a joke right they don't really mean tear here it's just like something fun to do while you're trying to get to the grub oh all right now the Oreos their genius they've got a thing it's a flap it's just like dropping your pants you pull a thing open it just like drop and then there all of a sudden is four big containers of Oreos and I and I said okay I'll try them uh what do I got to lose I'll try them I ate all but one sleeve oh sure ate all but one easy to do yeah crazy I know they're wrong but that that's not what I wanted to talk to you about Wow anyway you remember Coco and the thing and he quit and then Jay said no I don't know Jay fired him I don't know what happened one of those one of those jayjay well Jay tried to get to shows he he thought I couldn't have home and it was confusing and Jacobson and I loved it because it had nothing to do with me and lord knows I've had my share of trouble so I could just sit back and make fun of these two guys feuding over who gets a show and you know they're both making the 500 million dollars a year who cares you know Leno has more cars than Hertz oh yeah just a regular guy yeah a regular guy with 600 cars explain that so and so that then Leno acquits and then a pinky quits and then and and it's all yeah well we both got screw in the hand a shoe and I an assumed and it was very confusing to the home viewer the home viewer doesn't know and then hope you were honest and God doesn't care so I'm taking a walk the other day and a guy comes up to me and he says hey how you doing and I said okay and he says look I just want to give you a piece of advice he says I'm 42 and he said I retired when I was 42 and it drove me nuts so I'm 44 now and I went back to work so I'm just passing on a little advice to you if you can you know try to keep working you golly well now listen there's another movie car sue opens this weekend you're gonna take your kids to go see yeah I'm looking forward to it we have a clip here from cars to watch this your favorite four-wheeled buddies are back in Cars 2 starring Owen Wilson as Lightning McQueen Larry the Cable Guy as mater and Jay Leno as Jay limo who heartlessly screws over : o Buick it carves to Scotts Friday [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] our first guest as his own in a television program a very funny show it's over there on the TBS it's called Conan and that's the guy who's coming out here and he is gonna be taking his show on the road from Los Angeles to California car go rather the week of the June 11th ladies and gentlemen please welcome back our good friend Conan O'Brien [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] I think the longer we just sit here the more uncomfortable it will make jail you know James watching right now he's getting a live feed in a satellite truck right now he's watching every second looks unhappy gonna pack it in soon yeah you I know from your perspective and that was all I had to do I know from your perspective it was difficult what are we talking about now the you know when you decided to go to TBS and all of that and you took our show and did a great job there then you had the Tonight Show did a great job there and then some kind of a mix-up I really don't recall how do you find a long time until now on the other side of all of that you got to feel great you got a fan I feel like I feel terrific and I really do you know all I ever wanted to do was I mean I'm very lucky to get to go on television and to do my thing my way and TBS lets me do whatever I want they don't watch it they don't care checks come in they're not watching no no that is the magic and I have a great time I you know we took all of our people with us so everybody is happy and I so I'm thrilled it worked out and I'm a lucky person so I and forgive me for making this all about me but that's kind of what I do I was I was delighted by everything that happened except you losing your job I I will tell you I will tell you and this is honest the only consolation I took during that period was that you were happy it really I I did I felt this is a this is a sometimes Dave seems a tad unhappy in his life and if this is bringing you some measure of joy then to hell with my career I knew you would be just fine yeah I can forage for food no I don't think that was ever gonna be a quest I can catch animals but you were happy I was happy for you let me illustrate this I've known Jay a long long time let me go back to the mid 70s back in Los Angeles at the Comedy Store Jay was always the guy the funniest guy he was the guy he was the guy you'd go to see he was the guy you wished you could be more like he was funny he was also a bit of a brat a bit of a brat and so then oh you know when this came along I said to myself oh yes this is the je I know and I really and I kind of you know I refer to that period as the golden age of television really the period when I lost the Tonight Show brief week and a half period for you the Golden Age of broadcast that's right but it has nothing to do with you then I'm contented these and people this is a silly question I'll ask it anyway any moments of genuine amusement during that ordeal yes I [Music] that's the there were some there were moments when I was able to step outside my body and see the absurdity of it all there was a I had The Tonight Show I believe on a Friday stepped down left The Tonight Show on Monday we had things to figure out how to take care of people how to get things you know how to dismantle this this mechanism and I had I called my assistant I said we gotta get together and she said we have no office so we went to a Marie Callender's restaurant in the valley and it was I'm not kidding there's a Marie Callender's in Burbank and I went there with my assistant Sona and she sat on one side and I sat on the other and I'm barking you know this is what we're gonna do see we're gonna take care of everyone yeah and we're gonna do that we're gonna do the next thing - and a woman came by and said you didn't know or care who I was do you want one of our nine pies and I realized in that moment the disparity between sitting behind the desk as the host of The Tonight Show on a Friday and being demoted to a table at Marie Callender's which by the way is a fine restaurant and it makes a killer pie but I I thought this is yes this is and this is appropriate somehow yes not everyone would agree that it's a demotion going from The Tonight Show to Marie Callender's because as you can tell the pot but but you've worked through say you clearly were using my experience to work through me I've had my own trouble I've had my own Lord knows I've had my share of trouble so when I saw other trouble right and again it wasn't here's someone who's been in a car accident who passed another guy lying on the road and said that's right I was in one of those ones let me it was terrible let me return to my position here it was it was the delight of seeing now how many times just between well between all of us how many times in your life have you seen a picture of Jay stopping by the side of the road to help elderly folks who have run out of gas or whose car has caught fire who have lost a tire or something and there is Jay being the Good Samaritan to help out those people like like the triple-a except the triple-a doesn't bring a photographer that's the only difference between Jay and the triple-a and I just I just thought oh and so for that reason and other reasons I really enjoyed it and have you have you spoken to anybody at NBC I know who in particular anyone come to mind no this is they're all gone the people that I remember I think everyone involved in my situation with maybe an exception is gone so there's no one there anymore that was there during my nobody at the tsubame of the crime yeah it's it's a whole different I'm told it's a lovely group I wish them nothing but the best and put a polygraph on him about your relationship with Jay because you knew Jay before the he demanded that he get his show back I was assured none of this would come up tonight I was told he would discuss our shared love of antiquing our many wonderful vacations together I was never informed that this would come up but what is your question again and you've repeated as many times as you like we can get you we can get you an office at Blimpie's trust me but I'm so insecure now in my talkshow jobs that I'm always a little sequester on just you just should go there you just I could be happy but you had a relationship with Jay before of the felony felony to him what was the relationship like with Jay before this occasional phone call and did you feel a kinship a camaraderie it's a busy world I come from a large right no I would say I would say up until this event we we didn't have that much in common we're quite we're quite different fellows he and I I don't know why I suddenly reverted to 19th century diction but he and I are different and and so we didn't have a lot to talk about in common right I don't own many automobiles that were made before 1904 primarily of brass and leather and so I don't know what's it's not to see yeah we're going there again same place I don't know there are there are very few ways and I don't I'm not saying this in a disparaging tone at all there are very few ways in which he and I relate we're not interested in I don't think in the same thanks right but nonetheless you had a bond via NBC and you're too late my lead-in he was the host of tonight's show I was the host the late-night show right and he they put him on at 10:00 o'clock and then that didn't work out and it was so then they said Jay are you busy and so he came back and they said we're going on the head Waggoner ear problem Thunderhead back with Conan O'Brien everybody [Music] [Applause] [Music] Conan O'Brien is here ladies and gentlemen Conan how long how long did you do the late-night program at NBC the late-night programme I believe I did it almost maybe about 16 years something like that what I did it before you four to 12 12 and a half years so you're the longest-running host of that time period and before Paul and I did it what was it Paul it was the tomorrow show which was in its inception a tremendous show a brilliant show yeah yeah terrific riveting interviews with with John line from The Sex Pistols John Lennon yeah there's a lot of really nice stuff and now you're at TBS and and things are great there you have a hit show on TBS and they leave you alone you get to do everything you want yeah how's your family are they all settled and everything's good now family's terrific a lovely wife I have two kids I have a sick an 8 year old boy and a six year old tell me all about the eight year old because I have an eight year old I have an eight year old girl Nev and she's terrific she's a she is very beautiful she's very smart she's very quick to judge like me extremely judgmental and I have a boy Beckett who is six and you've been through the boy phase where it's just all there great and then they dissolve into absolute tyrannical rages like like Stalin they become Stalin they become insane dictators or within seconds if they haven't had their their food if their blood sugar level falls below a certain point they'll kill me and all of you to get what they want as the child actually taken a life we have the closest we came is I did a event for Turner called Christmas in Washington and it's an event and I they said that you perform for the the number of people in Washington you also perform for the president the first lady the vice president and and and it's this is a great thing and I said I'd love to do this and they said you can bring the kids the wife and the children I thought this is fantastic my children will meet an American president so we go I go and I'm preparing for the event my wife brings the children they lock it down for security reasons they just completely lock it down and then they say okay before the event you're going to get to meet and have your picture taken with the president this is very exciting my kids are nicely dressed and my wife mentions to me casually as we're getting in the line that children haven't eaten today and as any parent will tell you you have that moment of just this isn't something I don't know I'm very busy today I've got a show to do in front of the president but that concerns me I have some concern Dave and then we get on the line and we're ready and then and we've talked to the kids you say hello mr. president and the first lady and they've boys wearing his little tie and the girls wearing her nice dress and I'm wearing a dress and everything's fine and we're ready to go what we'll get to that Clark we'll get to it this comes later and we're ready and they say I hear someone say president in five minutes we got president in five and things get really quiet in the room there's a lot of people waiting to meet the president and all the sudden I just hear and I just say hey you know Beckett take it easy take it easy and I start to get I look around and I just see that they're there like president in four minutes president before we got print we got POTUS in four and I'm really getting concerned so we start to try and reason with him and you've been down this road and I'm like me and then he just sits on the ground on the red carpet and faces away from us and so if you've ever tried to pick up a child who doesn't want to be picked up it's like well picking up antimatter with chops and can't do so I'm trying to get him up and then this is an absolutely true story the next person in line with us is mr. Justin Bieber no joke I'm not kidding because he's one of the performers at the show and so he reaches over he thinks I got this I'm Justin I'm Justin Bieber he reaches over to handle this and I see him going to pet my son and I kind of want to stop it because I know where this is going but there's part of me that thinks no good so he reaches he reaches out and he touches my son's head and kind of gives him one of these like I'm Justin Bieber it's gonna be fine yeah sorry he was Leno for a second I'm just you know and that's that and my son no joke whips around and says stop it that's the appropriate response absolutely and so then he starts to dissolve even more we don't know what to do when I start to say to my wife you got to get him out of here and my wife doesn't want to miss her chance just meet the president so she says no I think he's gonna be fine and I said he's not fine it's good meanwhile he's good he's like curly from the Three Stooges so finally we open her purse we rummage through it we find a half of a cracker we get it into him seconds later I hear I was ready to tell the Secret Service take him out if you have to if you have to you have my permission and then at the last second the president comes and gets there we step up and I said he had the cracker 30 seconds before Gnaeus and my son who's six is like mr. president how are you fantastic he pulled that together that I boy good for you yeah that's an impressive feat and congratulations a good for him the kid knows when to pull it together yeah very impressive we'll be right back here with Conan O'Brien everybody [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] I don't know Brian but for the summer do you have time off we go to Chicago yeah we're at the Chicago theater where you took the night show we did it there and it was a fantastic facility I'll of that as you know it's a great city a great town and the audience's will be absolutely thrilled to have you there we get time off to do fun stuff with the family as a unit that was it what I just described that's that's time with my family so I learned my lesson no you know I I hope at some point I'm coaching some I'm helping coach I'm an assistant coach and t-ball now which is I don't know if you've done gone down that right t-ball we're now into coach pitch but as I have described P ball an inning of t-ball is the most exciting three hours in sports yeah when you see a six year old or a seven year old or a five year old make a legitimate out field the ball throw it to first and put someone out it's like seeing the face of Christ on toast I know it's miraculous yes actual play happened other than that you might as well just duct tape some some some gloves to cats my favorite thing is when someone when a kid does connect when a kid does connect which is hilarious he connects with the ball and it goes out into the outfield the kids don't run towards the ball they start randomly spinning yeah like they're in a Phish concert it's unbelievable right now I will tell you the things get a little better with coach pitch and a couple of weeks ago we're at a game and my son is playing shortstop how old is your years eight years old and he makes the play and and as you know it so please please if you're not gonna make the play at least let it hit you so it doesn't roll to the fence so he grabs the ball in kind of a heroic stab at shortstop there's nobody on base the runner is moving it down to first base he picks it up scoops it up cleanly and tosses it to third [Applause] so you get a it's starting to gel yeah it's coming together starting to gel is he good at the plate because that's really all you need to worry about - you don't want the kid to embarrass himself at the plate you know he's actually quite good i watching t-ball have started to wish that we I would love to see and maybe I don't have the resources to make this happen but you could I would love major major league caliber hitters hitting off of a TV so divine to see a David Ortiz just and look at that game and the scores I would like to see them major league games where the scores are like 145 to 144 eliminated pitching altogether yeah and steroids encouraged why not the combination of steroids and the T have you uh you know I saw your sister in a movie for god´s yes my sister Kate that was fantastic job Jerry talent what was the film was the fight the fighter yeah my sister auditioned they had no idea that she was any relation to me real other than looks exactly well she looks like me in a way yeah no she's she's an attractive version of me she's very talented and she yeah they had no idea she did a terrific job they they put her in this film and she she nailed it gonna do any proud of her yeah I think she I mean she also teaches so she's balancing it she's working in show business and helping humanity no that's unheard of for God's thanks now and you don't see me going down that road you you like living in California you know what California is pretty good I will say I got to look at your audience and it's a good-looking crowd I'm not saying that just to cue applause right now there's no time so it's so cheap so cheap beneath beneath you I I saw and you'll relate to this I saw it's one different with less one thing it's very different there is that the audiences are much more casual in their dress more relaxed a little more relaxed and so I noticed there was a picture that I saw in the years I worked at NBC which was it was a reverse angle of Jack Paar doing his Tonight Show monologue and it's a reverse Anglin you see the audience the men are in ties they're all Don Draper on Mad Men they've got the ties and the jackets the women are wearing sensible Republican cloth coat everything's and they're all sitting there and enjoying the show I watched an evolution occur as throughout the 80s and the 90s and it got more gradual in Los Angeles people come to the tapings in board shorts flip-flops thongs and nothing else World War one helmets fake beards eye patches it's a it's a freak show I think I think you also mentioned that they often bring animals well they bring they bring livestock so cherish this it's it's old time this is the Ed Sullivan Theater and and it's love being it's just beautiful this is the Conan O'Brien right here in the Chicago week of June 11th great pleasure Society graduations on everything way I like staff here you

Channel: Don Giller

Views: 2,274,903

Keywords: David Letterman, Conan O'Brien

Id: 1Jfs_icf-D4

Length: 117min 3sec (7023 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 28 2018