Jay Larson Stand-Up 05/06/13 | CONAN on TBS
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Channel: Team Coco
Views: 3,161,616
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Keywords: Team coco, andy richter, best moments of conan, celebrity interviews, coco, comedy, comedy sketches, conan, conan (tv series), conan best, conan best moments, conan brien, conan classic, conan funniest moments, conan funny interviews, conan funny moments, conan o'brien, conan obrien interview, conan obrien podcast, conan on tbs, conan remotes, funny, funny moments on conan, late night show, stand-up comedy, talk show, talk show hosts, tbs, tbs (tv channel), top 10 conan
Id: rPq2cF4l9qc
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 5min 42sec (342 seconds)
Published: Fri Jul 05 2013
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My friend got a call once, and it was a little girl. All she said was "Do you know your phone number is dum-butt?" and hung up.
She was right.
I was in NY for a college event and got entirely too smashed at a bar one night. When I stumbled awake in the hotel room at 5 o'clock in the morning I couldn't find my phone. I asked one of my buddies I was traveling with if I could use their's to call mine and find it. Expecting it to ring and ring until I heard it, instead, someone on the other line answered. Now, I wasn't in my right frame of mind and my first instinct was not, oh someone found my lost phone and is going to help me get it back. No, my reaction was, HOW DARE THEY STEAL MY PHONE AND HAVE THE BALLS TO ANSWER IT.
Scenario:
Sleepy woman answers: Hello?
Me: Hello yes you have my phone.
Sleepy woman: Excuse me?
Me: You have my phone. I called my phone and you answered and you have my phone.
Sleepy woman, waking up a little: I do NOT have your phone. WTF are you talking about?
Me: YOU STOLE MY PHONE. I KNOW YOU STOLE MY PHONE.
We yell back and forth a bit before she hangs up on me.
I look at the phone to dial my number again and I realize... I dialed the wrong number. I woke some poor woman up at 5 am and yelled at her about stealing my phone. Which happened to be under the bed, by the way.
TLDR: The people calling from unknown numbers are not always friendly.
So random story that has cemented the fact that I will always answer the phone from random numbers. Not quite as amusing and detailed as his but I got a kick out of it and I swear every bit of it is true to the best of my memory.
It was about ten or more years ago when I was working as a restaurant manager. As such I always had days off during the week as opposed weekend days. One day, I was recovering from my "Friday" night and I was watching some TV. Phone rings...
Me: Hello
Jim: Hey Bill, it's Jim.
Me: What's going on Jim. What can I help you with today?
Jim: What are you up to at the moment?
Me: Just taking a little break, watching some TV. Yourself?
Jim: Bill, I'm not paying you to watch TV! Jesus Christ!
Me: Jim, first of all you're not paying me to do shit! The last check you sent me bounce and as of right now your job is on hold until you get caught up on your payments AND put down a deposit to ensure this doesn't happen again. I spoke to your partner about this and I was insured this would be taking care of. But if you insist on pushing the matter I'll strip down the job and leave you with jack!
Jim: whoa whoa whoa... First of all Mike never said anything to me, I had no idea this was an issue but the fact remains I promised this build would be completed Friday and I really need you to get back on the job. Where are you at on this?
Me: Jim, I've already told you I'm not doing anything until I receive payment.
Jim: Hang... Hang on, mike just walked in.
I hear Jim yelling at Mike and then it got muffled. Mike gets on the phone.
Mike: Hey bill, it's Mike.
Me: Hello Mike
Mike: ..... Hang on....
Shuffling noises.
Jim: This isn't Bill is it?
Me: Nope...
Click...
My friend experienced this for a while. She made status updates regarding it
Once got a call to my cell:
"Hi, is this 24-Hour Fitness in South County?"
"No, this is 12-Hour Fitness in North County."
"......oh."
"Yea, happens all the time, our numbers are just a digit off."
"Oh.....ok, well could you give me their number, then?"
"No."
I'm always curious about the skits and stories stand-up comedians tell. I wonder what % of the story actually happened and what part of it are they adding just to get a laugh. With this story for instance, I don't think the entirety of conversation occurred, but I'd be willing to bet that he did have a phone conversation with someone about a budget that he didn't know anything about. He adds some fluff in there for laughs. Rehearses the story over and over and bam, you've got one hell of a skit.
The number of YouTube comments shouting with wild indignation that this guy stole this entire routine from another video of himself doing the same bit...Jesus. If you ever want a good approximation of how stupid people can really be, think of someone trumpeting "This guy stole this entire joke from that other guy at the Laugh Factory, word for word!" while ON THE INTERNET, but lacking the ability to somehow connect the fact that it is the same comic, and this is his routine. I went from bemused to baffled to irked to angry to fed up to disgusted so fast that I've now gone to a place far beyond emotion. I'm in a blank state with a mild headache and thirty fewer IQ points, and all of my senses will only register cardboard.
How to screw with a telemarketer
In the beginning I thought the random guy was prank calling him and that that was the whole twist in the bit.