To be honest I'm I'm I'm fairly astonished
that they had me back er this year. I came last year to the Melbourne Comedy Festival and erm before I came they sent me this this kind of er layout of the venue. They said
look that's what it's going to look like erm that's the kind of shape of it, those are the kind
of lighting rig, that's the kind of space et cetera erm and I shouldn't have done this
because I didn't know these people, it was an honour to be invited but I couldn't I couldn't,
there's something, I couldn't. I said "Guys, just looking at the PDF I have one or two fairly serious concerns." "Does this guy ...." "Could he be asked to leave during the .." You know. "He thinks we can't see him here
but" obviously So it's good to be here. I kind of erm I rail against any form of kind
of bureaucracy, any form of kind of formality. Particularly when it's on the internet. I
don't like it at all. Whenever I, whenever I go to book a doctor's appointment I do it
online. And, er, they ask me to confirm my booking and when they ask me they ask me to
enter the reason for the appointment and this really annoys me so I just wrote.. "Concerned I'm going to die." And they wouldn't give me the appointment and so next time I just wrote "Death is inevitable." And then they er they did give me the appointment but that meant I had to spend the next twenty minutes explaining to the doctor that I was not suicidal. She said "but you've written 'death is inevitable." I said "it is." "Did they not? they should have
told you this on day ONE!" And then she was quite flustered. So I think
what she wanted to say was "have you had suicidal thoughts" but I think she got the
wording wrong 'cos she said "Have you considered suicide?" I didn't even know that was an option. A number of years ago I went to see a therapist. Obviously.. [laughter] Thanks guys. Thanks for your support. And erm. When I went to see them. First of
all I wanted to speak to someone but instead of being able to speak to someone what they
gave me was an Adult Intake Assessment Form. It was a form. This was it. An Adult Intake
Assessment Form. And I was like 'ok great' but I wanted to speak to someone' but the first question on the Adult Intake Assessment Form was "What do you consider to be the top three
stresses in your life." And I was like well number one is obviously
That's right Adult Intake Assessment Forms. That's right up there. And then number 2 was obviously "The formal classificationof ineffable and principally subjective thoughts" for the purpose of generalised psychometric
analysis. And then Airport Security. And I turned over the page expecting that
to be the end of it but no no no there was another form and this one was even worse. It was like a multiple choice form., Like how am I supposed to? Why can't I just speak to someone? So question number 1 was "How often do you misplace things at home?" And I was like "often."
And then it was like "How often do you have difficulty getting things in order."
And I was, like, "rarely". But then I realised that I'd actually had some difficulty and
I'd actually got them in the wrong, you know, in the wrong. And then the next one was like "How often do you make careless mistakes when you have to work on a boring or difficult project." And I was like "well absolutely never." How often do you find yourself unable to make
decisions? Sometimes? But then I realised you know, I I I, I don't... "How often do you have trouble wrapping up the final details of a project?" Well I started to wrap it up but then I actually I kind of
stopped you know half way through And then the last question was "When you're in a conversation how often do you find yourself finishing the sentences of the people you
are ..." I was like "literally all the time." Thank you everyone. Bye bye.
