Theo Von Crank Texts Random Numbers - The Half Hour

I stayed up the other night watching something on television it was like a public service announcement you know and it's like you got to help these kids you know and they show these kids and something's wrong with them and it's like they're so in pants for a penny a day in sweatshops and I'm like well if they're sewing pants and they need help like why doesn't one of them so a message for help into some pants especially if they got all day but no one else in America that would just be like a new fashion statement like oh do you like these new thirsty jeans what are these oh a lion ate my brother ed hardy no fed hardly a real nice they're real nice I stayed up all night watching Nancy Grace I wish somebody would kidnap this dude I don't like that show is the show they sensationalized missing and molested kids to sell advertising dollars they're not looking for these kids the show comes on at 11 o'clock at night they haven't found one kid it's been on for 10 years did you give me a half hour and an Eightball I'll find a missing kid right out here the show comes on 11 o'clock at night and they're like go look for kids like I live in a nasty neighborhood you go look for look if I go looking for somebody I might be the next missing person this is a horrible idea Nance hey so I gotta tell you guys this story all right so this is a true story all right so six months ago I get a text message on my phone okay it's from a random phone number that I don't know it's a Chicago area code all right I live in Los Angeles it says hey it's Wanda so I'll write back Wanda who and she writes de Wanda yo cousin now I don't have any cousins both my parents were only children but I was like holy it'd be fun if I did right so I wrote back what's up shorty and she and I've been texting each other now for six months she thinks I'm her cousin that lives in Los Angeles and I actually have a god nephew now named Amar'e who's gonna be two years old in about a week so it's kind of like a big time for our family but I'm like this is so much fun I'm just gonna text every strange number in America because I have unlimited texting and I only work at night so now texted over 20 thousand numbers and gotten in the craziest conversations you could imagine like I'm hiring people for Civil War reenactments I'm running blood drives that don't exist I've been in a relationship with one guy who thinks I'm a 22 year old woman stuck at a mental health facility in Shawnee Oklahoma it's actually getting a little out of hand but anyway I take the best conversations I'll put them on his website I started called cranked XCOM so you can check it out but um but people are always like where do you get the numbers in a Mike well sharpshooter you just make them up so I'm gonna read you guys one of the conversations real quick that us that I have so all right hey what's up all right I just sent it out into the world out into the ether right so all right hey what's up this person writes not much sorry new phone who is this so I said it's Barry how you doing he said hey I am good how are you I said I'm great got through the surgery fine he said Barry I don't want to be rude but I'm very bad with names I still can't remember you I said I forget things all the time no biggie I'm still in ICU just kind of lonely he goes Barry I think you have the wrong number my friend who gave you this is my number I said I've had it in my phone you should see the new leg technology then he goes do you know what my name is and I had to guess so I just guessed Ben he goes sorry my friend That's not me but I hope you feel better soon I said man me too you ever been through anything like this cuz you got to keep him going he goes no not like that you'll be okay I said I don't know man I feel like such a because happens yes like you lose your keys not like this I said easy for you to say I'm out of leg homie then he didn't write back so I wrote I'm sorry man I'm just angry this is hard for me do you have any advice he goes you will get used to it sorry gotta run gotta run to a guy who had just lost his leg in intensive care that's America

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 2,478,881

Keywords: Theo Von, The Half Hour, Theo Von comedian, Theo Von stand up, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, comedians, funny, funny video, comedy videos, funny jokes, funny clips, laugh, best comedy, best stand up, PSA, kids, child labor, sweatshop, pants, Nancy Grace, missing, missing kids, Nancy Grace show, missing person, wrong number, family, prank, surgery, texting, losing a leg, prank calls, crank calls

Id: gyIXaMUlzRU

Length: 5min 6sec (306 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 03 2018