It Came From Tumblr #82 | Binge Compilation

[Music] just some of the changes in design for the penguin symbol of old penguin paperbacks he did a little dancing for this crime he was imprisoned in a bubble free him i'm cute and i'm sexy and that's why i'm allowed to build my wizard tower within city limits zoning laws don't apply to me because the whole city council is so charmed by my voluminous robes and funny hat kids when life gets you down you've got three choices give up try again or call luigi if you ever have the option to call luigi always call luigi oh yeah birth certificates are just receipts for human beings uh how and where can i return myself please please i want the money back real netflix and chill is like 30 minutes of what do you want to watch i don't care you choose no no no you choose no you choose no you i don't alternatives to zoom police toilet paper amazon facebook and hand sanitizer it's 20 20. this is the most 2020 photo i've ever seen though reminder you are under no obligation to look pretty not when you're laying around the house not when you go to the grocery store not when you sit in a classroom not when you go to the gym you are never obligated to get dressed up just so you are pretty for others pretty is not the rent you pay to exist in this world as a woman that last line wow the idea of a straight vampire is just very funny to me like imagine you're immortal and you aren't even capable of fully appreciating the good parts of it all your vampire friends fully understand the aesthetic and wear dark and flowing clothes and sip blood out of goblets and then there's just you wearing i don't know like a salmon polo shirt and tan shorts whatever straight people wear i don't keep track of this [ __ ] i give to you a map of the most popular species of furry google search in every state ah finally the furry elections i got a lot of questions for colorado what's going on there guys what's up my brain is fired and then fried you know what my brain's fired too collect your things i've had it with you [ __ ] a pumpkin man sits inside a pumpkin house is the house made of flesh or is he made of house he screams for he does not know people are wild when i rarely mention that i don't like kissing they're automatically like oh you'll like it when you find the right person like yeah let me just go do the thing that i hate a bunch more times until i stop hating it or more likely become numb enough to tolerate it like thanks idiot you totally cared me because let's be real and i actually give a [ __ ] about my comfort they just want me to shut up and act normal okay guys no earth spoilers please i'm only up to the cambrian explosion yo i'm really loving these new dinosaur characters i hope they stick around a while oh [ __ ] off if you're driving a tesla and it got stolen is it now a netizen this is peak physics joke oh look a guy package definitely not bees shake vigorously before an opening well at least it's obese oh no no no i'm not falling for that one again if courage isn't the absence of fear but doing the right thing regardless of it maybe confidence isn't the absence of insecurity but knowing you have real worth despite it this is beautiful by this same token maybe goodness isn't the absence of bad thought or impulses but the conscious choice to behave according to your moral ideals in spite of them i love this it's official i have seen everything a gay jews wedding where they rode in on a horse dressed as a unicorn wow i love it one time i dreamt i saw the future there were so few bees left that they crossbred beekeepers with them so they could better connect with them i was taking a test to identify plants i won because some dude thought pineapples were berries and after that i met a beekeeper who worked inside of a giant glass beehive and had little antennas and a dope-ass beard okay so everyone was commenting on this post saying that pineapples are berries even i was like that's not right so i looked it up and is pineapple a berry a pineapple is neither a pine nor an apple but a fruit consisting of many berries that have grown together that means that pineapples are not a single fruit but a group of berries that have fused together okay was anyone going to tell me that pineapples are berries or was i just supposed to read that in one time i dreamt post myself bananas tomatoes watermelons coffee cocoa pomegranates and pumpkins are all also berries what what do you mean pomegranates are berries you know what isn't a berry strawberries [ __ ] fruit scientists hey is anyone ignoring the part of the dream where bees of beekeepers [ __ ] caution aliens with cowboy hats those [ __ ] stylish bastards i work in a pet store and a woman was looking at her bettas and asked me whether one was male or female i told her that they were all male because they are our company orders only male betas she looks at me incredulously and pointed at one and asked even this one i was like yes why it's pink though why is the male fish pink i swear she was borderline angry at me and i didn't know how to explain that fish genetics don't adhere to human gender roles what's this but what about biology also the cyst but maya is the pig fish smell oh boy wait till they hear about flamingos and they're not even ready for river dolphins ghibli movie straight up said you're gonna be really confused for an hour and 30 minutes but it'll be breathtaking so you won't even be mad about it to this day not even sure what happens at the end of hal's moving castle but damn if bird hal doesn't look cool as [ __ ] hey boss i got you those flowers you wanted bada boom white and bada bing rose hey i'm growing here i am but a humble [ __ ] vying for attention in this court overrun with jesters throw me some scraps my bells do a delightful little jingle when i wiggle my tiny hat if i throw you a banana peel will you slip on it in a comical fashion yes and my curly little shoes will wobble wildly as i screech and slip in pain do my pain not amuse and delight you is your thirst for savagery not sated by my misery even if one bad thing happens in 2020 i will completely lose my [ __ ] someone should check on her it is not the prettiest but here is a little chart i made of skin tones the idea is to eye drop anywhere on the chart to get a unique skin tone instead of just stuck in the loop of white tan dark useful flesh cloud eager to assist your arts oh hell the mighty flesh cloud wait that's what it's from so someone put mothman in their window and now there's a crowd of people outside the dorm staring up at him and chanting moths man i love college the angle of this photo implies that o.p is part of the aforementioned crowd who do you think started the mothman chant advantages to wearing oversized sweaters an instant cute outfit with minimal outfits it enhances the coziness when you drink hot beverages sweater balls are guaranteed to make you feel 43 more adorable and you can unbutton your jeans and no one will know the disadvantages to wearing oversized sweaters guys think they're totally not cute lol the day i dress for a man is the day they dress me in my coffin to see jesus also um says you east coast breeze physically i am present but mentally i am face down in a pool while this year by the mountain goats play on loop in the background things just keep happening yeah society blue is for boys and pinkies for girls me i am the gender non-conforming lobster gender non-conforming lobster is my new aesthetic me looking at photos of my boo i misread this is my dog i mean that's better i have this headcanon that the waters have specific limits to their powers like dot is whimsical humor wacko is physical humor and yakko yakko can just do about anything i love not knowing who 95 of celebrities are now like every day someone new is trending i go i don't know who the [ __ ] this is and then move on i love that leonardo dicaprio did a woman over 25 challenge i thought that said leonardo da vinci and was confused since davinci was gay and also since you were calling out someone who's been dead for well over seven years well da vinci has been dead for well over seven years so i'll give you that oh this is the grunt me refusing to leave tumblr sir this is my emotional support hell site sensorbot beep boop sensorbot approve me refusing to leave sir this is my emotional hell me refusing to leave sir this is my emotional hell is a funnier text post than my original one good job sensorbot so here's the game plan i got 12 identical cats i name them all steve so nobody i invite over will know which steve they're petting i then train them all to come over when their name is called and then i convince someone i only have one cat named steve and then i tell them to call for him a dozen identical sneeze will then erupt from around the house to which i scream in terror oh god no he's multiplied again and watch as the poor person panics while being surrounded by 12 different steves i love everything about this paranormal investigator no i'm a paranormal instigator i'm haunting your house and i'm here to start [ __ ] this is german kindergarten every building built mainly for children should be this [ __ ] weird i can't even imagine how much happier my memories of early childhood would be if i could look back and haven't gone into kindergarten in a big o kit yeah jesters also had a vital role to play in the battles themselves in the early middle ages their job was to wage psychological warfare what the [ __ ] reading about jester history i wanted to share this with you all oh is that what shock shocks are fun fact face masks are made in such a way that water can't pass through the tiny holes in it the source i forgot to remove my mask before drinking water my stupidity is immeasurable skeletons aren't scary we're filled with posing oozing mutes and y'all think the skeletons are scary the meat's scary the meat it's midnight in this tweet is giving me a heart attack fear mates meal suggestions should i have a proper meal tonight or should i just engulf a box's worth of stuffing for the christmas spirit i hope this email finds you a broken husk of a man i hope this email finds you before i do i hope this email finds you she threatened i can guarantee your email is not finding me well the email so here's the problem i once yelled because i saw a centipede and my boyfriend commentated a friend and when i said no he added and maybe a lover now this has become standard procedure to referring to centipedes so now i get messages like i love her lover spotted within my dresser no thank you why is my day beef in your phone you know like bf okay so australia's got like new chip flavors i think from america like cool ranch doritos and potato chips salsa hot wings i mean i know what that is but what the frick is cool wrench america explain yourself we've dealt with your craft for too long the actual frick carrying crab is here to sell you essential oils oh god the disc gold balls melting so do we do we panic now the real writer experience is standing in the shower and coming up with the most authentic dialogue with perfect phrasing and raw emotion in your head then stepping out and drying your hair putting on some clean pajamas and opening a word document to write all of your perfect ideas only to realize everything has evaporated yeah same withdrawn what is your sexuality i forgot how people explain it uh sexuality you mean you mean asexual yes i should have joined your brain sucking and you love it you do it in a very unenjoyable manner less talking more joy beat the [ __ ] out of you this is a friendly interaction how to draw murdock from gorillaz one find a picture of each individual beetle two put them all on separate layers three merge all layers together into horrible british rock abomination four green filter five done why does why does that work the names practice malpractice well nice to meet you dr practice could you please tell me what's wrong with my son he needs surgery on all of his bones very well here's my credit card i accept no payment i do this because i love it my new song toss me into the sun will be the anti-thesis to fly me to the moon then call it toss me into the sun what part of this post did you manage to miss when somebody says a man likes to feel like a man all i hear is a man likes to feel superior to you and it's your job to make him believe it someone said this to me once that a man needs to feel like a man and i replied well i'm not stopping him i had to watch this fragile creature try to explain to me that my strong personality could demean men like if i have to pretend you are strong man and cater to that then you're clearly not that strong dude one time i was with my family i dropped my plate of food and i was like god damn it then my mom was like you can't say that so i said fine satan bless it everyone turned to look to me after i said it i forgot i was in a church someone is talking about things and stuff that i'm not processing me oh i should be processing this right now huh and then i didn't how to write step one open a word document step 2 sit with a document open for 10 minutes step 3 fall asleep and step 4 somehow wake up with a word document filled with a story you don't remember writing my sister really asked me how many monsters i've had in the last 7 days and i said six well off to the shop to buy a seventh oh they meant drinks i thought actual monsters shout out to water for keeping mothra sufficiently lubricated for optimal yodeling techniques i had a dream last night that i worked at mcdonald's and i was behind the counter when this guy dressed in a tuxedo you know with the white dickey and ty was snapping his fingers for a server i went over and asked to see our darkest red i knew he was talking about wine so i said sir this is a mcdonald's the darkest one we have here is ketchup and he had me pour him a glass of ketchup and he drank it while looking me directly in the eye four guys my dad thinks are distinct people but are actually all brian dave and gilbert one the lead singer of the all together two the boy who made the mario movies three the brain behind the awesome popcorn recipe i use and for the creator of the croon i'm told that many germans are stockpiling cheese and sausages in anticipation of a coveted lockdown planting in other words for a worst case scenario i scrolled past and i scrolled back up then i rolled my eyes and then reblogged my favorite part of beyond light so far is the post campaign quest where elsie keeps revealing her traumatic past while the solar system's deadliest six year old stands there complete silence free therapy man you milan marlin omni [Music] and yum nil the [ __ ] stop it brain i might poke you keep an eye out because now i most certainly will poke you is selling pickles in movie theaters really just a texas thing like i can't imagine going to a movie and not getting a pickle like what the [ __ ] is going on in texas okay y'all about to hear my favorite thomas jefferson story americans used to think tomatoes were poisonous but tommy j as cultured world traveler and former ambassador to france knew better so one day at a dinner party he just whipped out a tomato and straight up ate it like an apple and everyone was like thomas no and we're all convinced he was gonna die he didn't die obviously and probably just sat there with a smug ass grin as all of his guests ran frantically about to fetch a doctor to save him from the dreaded tomato interesting fact about me is i have great memory but i also have [ __ ] memory what this means in practice i can recite any number of simpson scenes verbatim but i can't remember what i did last week yeah one can't decide whether to join the bard's gear though the thieves guild one will have to weigh the pros and cons you ever just hand things to your pet to sniff so they feel included yes i do remember when katara wanted to blow up a factory for environmental justice and aang just tagged along because he thought it'd be fun to be an eco-terrorist sure do yep good times you know what i might [ __ ] around to drink the daily recommended amount of water oh god i have to pee you know what actually [ __ ] you uncouples your stone dude dude not cool dude what the [ __ ]

Channel: P.M. Seymour

Views: 417,127

Rating: 4.9642305 out of 5

Keywords: voice, audio, P.M. Seymour, comedy, reading, discord, twitter, tumblr, social media, posts, reading posts, late night blogging, blogging, editing, not for kids

Id: bY2du0rltuI

Length: 17min 46sec (1066 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 27 2020