36k in Debt Yet I Can't Stop Spending Money | Spendaholics | Only Human

[Music] meet 27 year-old Paul escapes from Somerset he's dedicated his life to the pursuit of pleasure trouble is his finances can't keep up money is the kind of it's a one-way relationship because it's one about me taking it and not giving anything back despite earning 18 hundred pounds a month his debt has reached out he's raising 36 grand I love spending my money mainly on socializing pampering and making myself look good Paul works as an events and music promoter but for him every day is a big event I'm here for a good time not a long time and kind of always living that my dream his dream is to run his own company catering to the jet-set in reality he's heading for Skid Row [Music] over the next four weeks lifestyle guru Jay hunt will put the brakes on his spending you're choosing a very risky job market you're going to have to have your finances sorted and psychological coach Benjamin fries will unravel the emotional triggers behind his compulsion [Music] you say categorically you would not feel like that but you've behaved like that I'm incredibly desperate to change I needs change and without this change god knows what direction I will end up going within [Music] Wow Paul escapes lives the life of a man in charge of his own media empire in reality he's just one month into his first professional job as an Events Assistant earning 21 grand a year I see myself as being a kind of big media entrepreneur so therefore the money that the way that I'm spending now is what I perceive that I will actually be able to spend in the future and the heady mix of after-show parties and opening nights fuels his love of the high life every weekend Paul leaves his sleepy west country home to rub shoulders with the movers and shakers in London's exclusive members clubs he kind of on a night out with spend whatever he has on the most expensive drink at the bar and it's just to kind of impress other people who doesn't know whatever see again image is very important to me and because like anybody I want to look good for myself but also for my career it's it's the quintessential if you like of what my job is with his spending out of control the banks have long turned their backs on him leaving his long-suffering parents to pick up the tab the family over the years all been bailed out we're talking well thousands if not tens of thousands but even they've reached their credit limit thanks Luke give him any more money we weren't given any more money he hasn't anywhere else to go with no signs of stopping Paul is a crisis point [Music] while Paul's out Benjamin and Jake conduct their own financial audit of his house Jay is looking for where the money's going Benjamin's searching for any psychological patterns to his spending behavior find anything that truly reflects my spending over the last sort of 10 years because they might have the show tenancy agreement look he's only just moved in interesting my rent I know should we take that with us but see if we can find his room okay so actually soot damage on they're talking about five six hundred quits with a suit there it isn't long before they find the evidence of his addiction to London's elite members clubs have fake turn there's one for you what's that that's a book about kind of how the mind can heal the body maybe has some physical issues maybe someone in his family who knows I of course notice the fact that it's all propped up with his hairspray an essential tool for the man about town he'll turn to think if these are all his belongings it does give the impression of somebody who hasn't got that much stuff and the focus is outside 27 year old man he's got a lot of debt he hasn't spent on anything that he could carry in here there's no ritzy equipment there's no plasma screens it's not a place you really want to spend a lot of time is it not really no I'd go if I lived in I think well they surely know how much I hate going out the bedroom only confirms what they suspect Paul spends very little time at home might the boss from offer any more clues product anything for me you can have a go at that what is it a little bit left in there careful Ventura and that is expensive I reckon there's about three four hundred pounds with the stuff just sitting there well do you think your users know dick he's one of these people likes to buy and display oh no I think he uses it all of it definitely into a bit of product to put that in context is that the kind of amount of stuff though like for example you might have in your bathroom I'd have about that much so I'd say about a third of this and you're pretty high-maintenance woman yeah wo they may add there's obviously no need for it I knew you a woman the major thing that I'm obviously concerned with is them saying my bills and seeing what's on there like the nights at entire house and various other places that gate see oh the bills let's take those goodies statements and everything calls right to be worried his bank statements read like a day-to-day inventory of a list celebrities with regular visits to members clubs West End salons and health spas massive stuff there's a lot of money here as well on hairdressing was so like sixty pounds a week wasn't we this is a guy who likes to indulge that's for sure it's like hamper City it's incredible I know was like an optimist but god only knows that's [Music] [Applause] Paul's been living beyond his means for too long it's time to take him back to basics thanks for coming with us today have you got any idea well we've got you in the back of this car I don't it's who I kind of feel a bit like challenge Anneka was in there is like what's gonna happen next we thought we'd ease you in today we're just gonna go on a little journey and pick up some friends along the way yeah Paul feels presentation is vital to his career what Benjamin and Jay want to drive home is just how much this image is costing him all runs up five treatments in an average week your complexion will be amazing and the best thing is you smell gorgeous - but will the final bill come as a surprise if I said put a total on how much you think you spend in a year on treatments what would you think it would be in the thousands really kind of randomly just trying to work it out pour the amount of money you spend on pampering yourself in a year would pay for this size of team to pamper you all week long we've worked out that the actual total of how much you spend is nine thousand two hundred pounds a year it's a nice taste though isn't it on all your treatments is that more than you thought it is that she to be fair I didn't have a great idea but I don't know I would I wouldn't have put it down to nine thousand two hundred a year how relaxing is that not that doesn't sit that well actually if I had the right income it would sit very well but obviously I'd just spend more if I just goes to show how much money you're spending is this been a bit of a shock and I'm quite clearly I'd say yes okay but that's only half the story in Paul's world presentation and partying go hand in hand in front of you here mm-hmm we have and you'll recognize this yeah 1520 glasses of champagne it's a good night out isn't it I think it's a bit more than a good night out I think it's considerably over the top because in fact each glass of champagne replicates 10 pounds that you spend in a whole year on your champagne lifestyle going out on you spent last year fifteen thousand two hundred pounds that's money going out drinking champagne and having as you said a good night certainly a lot of money providing a good night out for quite a lot of money yeah definitely you like the service and smart places yeah and you know kind of like living the high life yeah good yeah in the fast lane that's the way forward for me back down bottle by bottle yeah you can justify but when you see it like this yeah later in front of you you realize it is out of control it puts everything in perspective and you kind of think oh my god really am I actually consuming this much let alone spending this much and it's quite scary money for me it's still at the moment after all these shocks that everything it's still just the number rather than actually oh this is money out of my account that I'm spending [Music] Paul's clearly in denial about the true cost of his lifestyle if he used to change it to take a harsh dose of reality to bring him to his senses [Music] support what we're going to do now is work out with you what you think is the least amount of money that you can live on for the next seven days to pay for your non-essential items and before we work that out we just want to find out from you whether you had any idea at all how much you spend on non essential items in your average week not a clue if I'm honest because I never really pay attention to it I just spend away so how much do you recommend you get through in an average week beeps fairly parents I think we covered that at the champagne well we've been through your statements and we've worked out that on an average week you managed to get through 535 pounds and 35 P every single week that's a lot of money and that's every week yeah and that's way of my weekly income and hence the financial difficulties yeah well what we've got to work out now is how much you think you can live on minimum amount for the next seven days to pay for non-essential items okay for non essentials cutting out the treatments the socializing to the level it is I'm up for a challenge and I'd say 40 pounds reasonable opening offer yeah what do you think J thinking I'm not gonna argue with that actually I think 40 pounds if that's what you think yeah then I'm not gonna cut it down by another fiver or whatever and give you something totally mmm-hmm that you know it's something totally that you're not going to be able to manage I think 40 pounds cut down from 535 yeah for the week it's gonna be a shot well bring it on that size thing Paul would normally spend 40 pounds on one round of drinks now he's got to make it last seven days the socializing aspect of things is going to be the biggest challenge for me I work hard I do 12-hour days whatever and and from there my social aspect is my reward for working hard it's day one of cold turkey Paul's entering a brave new world one without professional hairdressers for now he's feeling confident then again he is just 12 hours in do you think you can do it yeah I can do in now I reckon seriously I can do it I don't know if I could survive on 40 pounds a week for the rest of my life 40 pounds me and 40 pounds do they really go in the same rooms maybe I can employ you for like 10 hands away just come round every morning to do my hair for me but the next challenge is how are we gonna get over the facials and the manicures and all that and the fake tan because you can't do it out of a bottle it just looks like you've been running through mud or something with a bit of an orange tint to it we'll just have to make some friends with some mutations then make yeah we will thanks to Ryan Paul saved himself 60 pounds there you go mate you can leave your tip on the side it's Monday night normally he'd be out socializing and networking instead he's got a night in with the television listings different from normal usually I'd be out having a la socializing having a good time rewarding myself after a hard day at work but tonight I'm gonna spend the night in with EastEnders and then hopefully the bill afterwards for the first time in months Paul swaps the social world for his sofa saving him a hundred and fifty pound for the night Paul's rising to the challenge of cold turkey with style but if he's to make it part of his everyday life you'll need to identify the reasons behind his need to spend psychological coach Benjamin Frye calls him for a meeting to identify the root causes of his compulsion let's think about reasons why your relationship with money has always been out of balance in the very beginning I think I've been spoiled in a way I think my parents have they did what they thought was right whenever I used to get into debt if you get to a stage where I say you're gonna get taken in to call somebody's gonna step in and pay and I suppose that's probably part of the reason why I've never really I've just looked it as a number I never look at it as cash as such and that's why always burying the head in sound I just gave to a cash point I never I just punch in and never look at the screens I want to see and if it doesn't give me any money then I'll go to the next card what does it feel like to have your parents come to the rescue it's it's embarrassing especially at my age now Paul's parents have paid off twenty thousand pounds of his debt and Benjamin wants to discover why well that's thing then about not about money and not even about numbers but let's think about the family dynamic in a sense with my mum I'm probably very protective of her because she has an illness and we're very close has this illness been going on for long yes it's she's had it since she was in her twenties and still affects her great now as the years have gone on its progressed further the illness because it's one of those kind of debilitating illnesses so I've seen it more and ever see as you're growing I don't think I notice it as much as a child but as an adult now I'm more aware and I can see physically it's an you know okay to tell me what the illness is yes she's got renal failure so I suppose that's why I'm always a protective what you're talking about in a small way reversal of the parent/child yeah dynamic now clearly that wasn't the only part of your relationship with your mother but it's a part of it and one of the things we can think about is did it make you under responsible are these both reactions to encountering responsibility earlier than other children might do as a child Paul felt overly responsible towards his ill mother and Benjamin suspects this lies behind his spending what happens if you stop watching over her what's your worst fear and I think it happens her which would and you know she would devastate you yeah it would devastate me so therefore there's that fear isn't there and have been the support of someone who's L is difficult and inside that difficulty are many many complex and upsetting thoughts and feelings that rarely see the light of day one maybe I've done this to you I got a he lit another maybe I'm really pissed off with you for being ill it would have been so much nicer for me if he'd been well I would never ever resent my mother and especially not for any illness cuz it's not because she always wants me to be off doing wearing you know not worrying about her but I can't help that you say categorically you would not feel like that but you've behaved like that cause finding it hard to accept but Benjamin's keen to see if there are any other clues there's anything you can't bear well you got phobias about you're very afraid of heights I have the biggest fear when it comes to Heights of just they like Heights at all how do you feel when you're in a high place like love but it's just a fear but it's all it's a vertiginous sense of being higher up than you should be and it in it to me it reminds me of a sense of exaggerated responsibility for a child biggest part of today we Benjamin I found tough was actually not him grilling at me about me as a person about him questioning my parents and stuff because it's not it's not nice for anybody to hear somebody may inferring something which you know isn't true and again like with me he was saying about me Punisher I'd never want to punish my parents so that angle was really difficult by day six of cold turkey Benjamin session is weighing heavy on his mind he's only spent 20 pounds but he's had enough of doing it the hard way Paul decides to kick-start the weekend and heads home to his parents in Bournemouth so it's gonna be a catch-up night out and just have a laugh relax after a very hectic stressful week and just just give me a chance to breathe if you like then just have a good night out having spent the last five evenings at home Paul's desperate for a night on the tiles and heads for drag queen bingo but with a cold turkey budget to stick to he's invited along the bank of my dad for once poor isn't first to the bar with his hand in his wallet his Luck's in with the scratchcards too [Music] [Applause] he knows just what to do with the winnings drinks and that term have just won again it's a lot more money so real quit sin and happy five pints later pours only touched half his cold turkey budget not everyone was fooled he will continue to live the same lifestyle but that's who he is [Music] he needs money zigu Toby's got friends around to stop him you tell me you and with the last day of cold turkey at mom and dad's he unsurprisingly comes in with 20 pound intact back in the real world Paul's parents are pulling the plug on his debts thankfully Jay's on hand she's been through his figures Andrey budgeted them back into the black I've got your new budget here before we go through this I just wanted to ask you how you got on with cold turkey wait well actually please know it's very successful I come up with ingenious ways to still go out and have just as good a time but without actually burning my own financial budget yeah and I won a tenner it's only a tenner but I wanna turn on the bingo so there's like that added bonus if you died if you'd have won that tenner on a normal way yeah it wouldn't have been a big deal but when you're down to yeah not much like winning the lottery yeah I mean normally I would have just got more what's the play in the game is for a tenner but it was a tenner they bought a couple more rounds how much did your friends have to pay for in that way pretty much everything okay I think you did a lot of blogging then during the week I'm not sure how much you actually learnt but this is the new budget yeah that we've done now what we've done is we've been through your current expenditure so when we run down all of that what we see is that there is an over spend every month of 1265 so we can see where the debt is coming from now what we've done is we've gone through and we've recommended some cuts and rearrangements of money you could be in a much worse position but you have got this great job now and things are moving forward so it is quite positive looking forward if we can stick to this new budget now your champagne lifestyle which is essential all your going out alcohol meals out at the moment that's costing you eight hundred and fifty pounds a month and we've cut that right back to 250 so that is going to mean not that you can't go out but you're going to again just have to make a few choices about when you go out when you yeah also not be the first one there going okay drinks are on me yep so that's gonna stop that so when we look at your pampering yeah all your hairdressing turning waxing everything there at the moment it comes in at 736 and we have cut that 250 pounds a month whilst you get these debts yes or teenagers going home pool situation is bad but it could have been a lot worse now Jay wants him to redress the balance and the other thing at the moment is your parents to whom you owe how much gobblers a huge amount we reckon nearly 20,000 pounds and at the moment you're not paying them anything no and we have put that in at 250 pounds row a month now your budget is really not half as bad as some people live on every month oh so at the end of the day it is down to you to take responsibility and to really put the effort in to make this work I didn't think it was gonna be anywhere near as good as that actually stay on quite surprised and feeling really good about it I never really know with Paul how much of it sinks in what I am worried about is his parents if it wasn't for them he'd be in a much worse position than he is now and he really really needs to understand that they are top of the list for getting paid back [Music] having given him the tools to healthy finances Jana wants to give him the tools to a healthy body instead of spending hundreds of pounds on pampering 5-pound lunchtime exercise classes with a very exotic twist today we're gonna go in here and I've enrolled you in a cap aware of us which is a sort of Brazilian dance class but it's designed for mind and body ah [Music] first up some light stretching exercises feel the burn Paul for a man involved in Events Management Paul's choreography skills need polishing is there the massage facial wax the home anywhere [Music] very impressive I'm feeling quite done in but feeling good like damn I'm sweating obviously yeah what we're trying to do is get you to get a bit of a hi out of this so that you're missing the treatments sure and for five pounds of glass it's gonna keep you on budget yeah I think if I'm honest capoeira it's all I enjoyed the experience and it's a very artistic martial art but however I think I'm going to stick with my normal pampering routine [Music] Paul's giving J's lunchtime closes a wide berth a free lunch on his parents isn't all to get a different matter but this one might leave a nasty taste in his mouth despite his best efforts to hide the true extent of his debt from his latest loan statements been posted to their house now you where you start again the movies like we both needed it it was very effective and you have to be Baker is the only thing I raise the money you did know we'd like to you were the one that's gonna suffer because you've got pay this Paul's running out of excuses and it isn't just his parents who are too lost and how you put yourself in so much debt it's on I never did it and yet but I even lived at home you have a different lifestyle to me you are happy to just you're happy to go to more run-of-the-mill cases and be and that's fine whereas I go through a more I prefer the whole quality of stuff you can't go to McDonald's and get the quality of service that you'd get here and also the people i mix with i haven't got money so then you're in that circle and and they're going to those places so you're going there it's not a case of keeping up the Jameses but you were in that circle and it's then whether you can't afford it you can't go and then you're missing out on that interaction that part that I enjoy I think also there's a difference like you'd go out and drink I do know a partner lager and I'd if normally if I had the money I'd be drinking but was a Chris now and for fight so it's having that enrichment and taste for more expensive thing not that you wouldn't enjoy it because burying your head in the sand I had no idea it wasn't bad and maybe if I if we had done as needed to keep it have stopped to get in their childhood yeah I mean clearly we're not in a position to do that but just to stop you getting any more I think the whole revealing if you like of the letters that came to us because I always protected the fact by getting it sent to another address I would have thought they've been more ballistic but I suppose like my mum was saying now I'm a grown man they're not angry in that respect they're just upset because obviously they've supported me throughout the whole review yeah I've still managed to crew twenty plus thousand pounds worth of debt when I wasn't actually paying any rent or anything [Music] with family relations at an all-time low Benjamin intervenes and calls them for a meeting he suspects that Paul spending is subconsciously linked to the responsibility he felt towards his mum when growing up here's a situation Paul is spending your money and has been doing so for 11 years I think we calculate yeah we're here to think about the why I guess you know why is he making you pay what are you really paying for you know you're paying financially but what's he making you pay for maybe emotionally because it is a when you look through it it's almost like he's punishing you right a good way to punish someone to find them it is a punishment because I said spend it it's like I've been I've never looked it that logically I've been in my little bubble and haven't really thought about what I'm spending and kind of the situation's I'm crazy actually impacting upon I have looked today Oh actually my parents haven't paid I was I think subconsciously there may be that element may my conscious mind it's never been right they're paying that's fine we probably compounded to the issue by always getting them out rather than letting try and sort the problem out but at the back of his mind and probably at the backgrounds we know that if this situation arises again we're probably going to feel well yeah he's going to this but again we got to trying to help him out and as Benjamin digs deeper he discovers his suspicions about the family dynamic are only the tip of the iceberg if he's coming to you asking you to bail him out and you're doing so kind of knowing that it might happen again we could ask what do you feel guilty about there is something that needs to be let go of I think it's between the two of you what do you think it is I don't know really because I wouldn't want to any other way unfortunately we had a child that died and I think in fairness and you'll agree you kept Paula a more of a baby for a long time not allowing him to become grow up and become more independent so that he was totally reliant new being closed is that something you're comfortable talking about here with the cameras I obviously found it very difficult as a family I have a fear of losing all of my family because I having lost a son it becomes as was the same after Paul soon after the pause is 18 months old when Adam died so yeah it was easy for me to just give my my affection by extra love for that child to Paul baby mmm and he needed me and I at that stage needed to be needed having lost her third son in childbirth Paul's mom became overly protective of him and Benjamin can still see echoes of that in their current relationship you know with you struggling with such a loss and with him helping in such a considerable way to fill that loss that's a very special early dynamic to set up one which I think has not been corrected and I think that there's there's all sorts of consequences to that the most recent one of which is the two of you down the bank you saying this will be the last time and Paul saying this will be the last time and both of you knowing it won't be the last time because you're still playing the game I'm gonna set up all those years ago mm-hmm today's been really tiring it's been a bit information on where the coaster and obviously being a Benjamin or my parents and different topics who brought up that are quite sensitive to us as a family it's quite challenging I was amazed I'm amazed at how Tyler folksy because I haven't actually done a lot physically but mentally it's been quite a drain [Music] the day's brought a lot of difficult issues to the surface Paul heads to London and finds a way to push them back under some hair done freshness no now I'm off out after a stressful week nothing else to go out and bring all the good sign with the West End at his feet he heads for a swanky bar party Paul's back in town and all the drinks are on him the night's indulgences cost him more than a hundred pounds he's just blown half his month's allowance in five hours Jay decides to tackle him head-on if Paul's serious about starting his own events management company he's going the wrong way about it she arranges a meeting with party organized a huge philemon whose clients include Rod Stewart the Royals Elton John and Kylie you're choosing to want to go into what is a big dream risky sort of job market which makes it even more imperative that when you start you're gonna have to have your finances sorted yeah you can't go into a high-risk business with a debt no I mean these days you know banks will not lend you anything unless it's secured when you go on your own you have got to have those backers in place you're going to have to put some of your own money in because you don't want a situation where the backers control everything and the backers will also want to know that you have the balls to put whatever money it is that on the line maybe the money you're spending on champagne you could start saving as you buy cheaper things in order to have some kind of fund where you can go it's all I've got but I've saved for five years and here's five grand it is a hugely risky business it's a very sexy business but the the events and live world is full of casualties having given him the financial insight Hughes came to tackle Paul's professional image when you're at an evening you're networking in London or wells were born with wherever happens to be what are you trying to do are you the guy who's buying all the rounds are you the guy who's trying to be the flash one are you trying to kind of tell everybody that you're the main guy on the block how are you approaching that I'm always Jay I'm always the first ones about always because I feel if I'm taking up somebody's time then I can't then say well can you go to the bar and get us a drink please cuz that's kind of disrespectful in my eyes what you were to be careful is is one of users but also how you're perceived if I'd gone around and flashing my money everywhere I would have got nowhere the key thing is to be sensible and just make sure that you're not perceived as the flash bloke all the time because that reputation can can stay with you for years and years and years I mean if I was in a situation with you and you bought drinks all night I wonder out hopefully quite pierced going nice guy talked a lot didn't listen bull the drinks Muppet now we hope you've been listening up because what I'd like you to do is your challenge is to set up a little soiree for some potential backers now the money for that is gonna come out of your budget and you're going to be putting your money where your mouth is so you're going to be using your money that you'd normally be spending on champagne and your razzle and dazzling that's going to set up your soiree yeah that sounds good be really creative keep on budget and be totally original yeah I think the the keeping on the budget is gonna be the troubling thing but the creative side everything is fine and I just think the budget is where I'm gonna get frustrated but again it's just giving me the learning curve of actually starting off small building bigger once you've got the the sort of credentials if you like to be able to make it bigger Paul has one week to mastermind his first event but Jays not so sure she calls Benjamin for a meeting I think the message I'm giving him goes in one ear and then two minutes later it's out the other so what I'm not sure is when I then go home is how much of it is retained in his brain and he's actually thinking about I think in a way it's like yeah she's gone great that was quite fun but now I'm down the pub with my mates how many bottles of champagne are we going to have tonight yeah that's interesting cuz I I feel like there's a lot of denial there actually there is something with Paul and his mum but I need to dig deeper into it's almost a very claustrophobic relationship I feel and she's been very ill all his life and I think as a consequence any negativity that he might feel or any dark thoughts he might have had may have become converted into the spending which I actually see as a punishment towards his mother and his father I think the thing is that I've got to almost enter his world with him in order to engage him and get him to listen so I'm going to really have to think about what I'm going to do with him because unless it's something that's really relevant within his sphere of thinking I don't think he's going to engage with me to prove her point Jay arranges for Paul to attend a wine tasting like most spender holux she suspects he's drawn in by the label not what's inside with the help of wine expert Holly Smith she's chosen six different fizzes for him to taste but only one is champagne so what we're gonna do is do a taste test okay see how much image affects you or whether we can go by taste and this should really really see whether you know you're Carver's from your crystal [Music] well let's rock on with sample number one hang now usually with fizz you want to look for really tiny bubbles which will indicate a high quality tiny bubbles going up in a uniform strand you don't want to think of like soda wards where they're massive and they're all going crazy Paul says he prefers champagne for its taste not its price it's nice but it kind of reminds me of a fizzy water so with five of the wines not being champagne how difficult can it be [Music] non-flex yeah [Music] we've come to the end of our tasting pick out for me the one that you enjoyed the most I think I'm gonna give you a number three closely followed by number one I agree with you it's the best one now and I'm really pleased to reveal its English great night umber sparkling wine the trick is champagne have got the brand we've got the same soil in this country and this wine you've chosen has won countless awards absolutely hands-down it's also inexpensive vintage phase it'll cost you around twenty three quid as opposed to six hundred yards or however much yourself also we invented the stuff right is told if we're told that the French invented it but actually a bloke called Christopher Merritt six years old before Don Pony or even had his had his champagne going recorded with the Royal Society that fizz was being made and enjoyed in London so only which one of these was the vintage Verve it was number two are the one you didn't like well isn't like it's an I didn't like it it's just what is nice number three there we go but what I love about this is it gives you the chance when you do your events you've got a great story yeah rather than just the label and the bling factor and the badge you can then say to them I've got somebody's gonna knock your socks off in flavor but also there's a brilliant story behind it because it's surprising it's English English and it makes you look like a connoisseur and it makes you look like you know what you're talking about yeah no I don't feel like I'm compromising a great deal in taste it's nice because we're suggesting oh there's this cheap old nonsense and that's what you've got there because that's what your budget is about finding something that you like Kieffer's you're happy with as Adi said there's got a story to back it up and you've obviously got to be serving that to your clients and you're feeling confident that that's what you're serving mm-hmm you're getting a bespoke suit here a tailored suit for the price of a pair of ropal pants his time with Jay might be over but her challenge still stands in just two days he'll be staging his first event now Benjamin Watts fall to face up to his relationship with his mother he believes that Paul's fear of heights is linked to the heightened sense of responsibility we felt for her as a child and that this now manifests itself as a fear of high places yes right actually Benjamins brought into Crystal Palace where the facilities include a five meter a seven and a half meter and a ten meter high diving board how are you feeling up here as soon as I got into last step it was like the rushing and the anxiety and lightheadedness kicks a bit more serious up there yeah what I'm particularly worried about is that this sense of vertigo relates to a highly exaggerated sense of responsibility for your mother what I'm thinking is that this is your mom okay and you are holding your mother you're taking responsibility for your mother mm-hmm so you're going to the edge of the diving pool with an extra burden and I want I won't need to think about that as we go to the front of this quite high diving together right okay okay yeah okay just come take it easy when I step at a time does it the first board is five meters high but for Paul it's almost too much now Benjamin wants to address the apprehension he felt as a child vertigo is an expression right your anxiety can you hold onto it it's funny it's funny how like I've blow me explore it further it may be that I've taken on the responsibility without actually being without them saying right it's your responsibility to look after it's weird how you take it on yourself that's one of the weirdest things about young children it's absolutely universal that they all take it on themselves because they don't understand there's a world without them right they just see the world from birth as being because of them and about them so if anything happens even an earthquake they'll think they did it and that's with Paul responding to his line of inquiry Benjamin decides to take things further by another five metres you've you fence it then well let's give it a go and get on did you feel any more confidence no you did at the bottom I think so yeah because it's kind of like testing the water isn't it now you know what to expect but it isn't long before the heightened sense of responsibility takes hold right just bring yourself gently towards the front if you can right here is very kicking in like this line okay so let's go to this line now it's kicking in the sense of yeah awareness by yeah aya and your reaction to that again is that feeling of wanting to just fall in get it over and done with and all just walk back upstairs well that's Paul's progressing well there's just one final step to take I'm wondering how you feel that giving me the ball giving me your mum to look after just for a minute yeah I can do that so you have no responsibility right you're no longer responsible for someone else will take care of her from who and then I want to see if that changes your relationship we how you'd feel being up here okay yeah sure look after I can take it seriously it's not too bad but it's still like rather not we stood here for too long okay but the moment you gave me the ball you walk to the front of the platform yep no hesitation not a word yeah that's interesting actually at last Paul is beginning to understand how his relationship with his mother is at the core of his relationship with money now I think that the reason you punish your parents over money is because you're actually angry and upset that you've been hanging on to this my compulsion and impulses make sure to spend it's like it's I'm trying to reward myself because of my mom's variance and stuff so why shouldn't I sorry let's go and just have what I want because everything else you don't I mean he's and why shouldn't they pay for it because she's the one that's ill feeling elated Paul's fear momentarily slips and he decides to take a leap into the unknown so hold on the other guy with vertigo and you spontaneously want to jump off definitely remember toilet then don't think about it I'm gonna count down from three yeah three-two-one [Music] he's taken the plunge in his relationship with his mother it's now up to him to do the same with his finances and his future I don't need to wrap him up in cotton wool to protect her she's still just as safe whether I'm there or whether I'm not but I think I finally made I've gone through that journey and I feel quite a lot different actually to be honest and at first when he first said about John I thought are you havin a laugh and then which I leave it there I was in the water I jumped from ten meters high so um it was certainly an experience four weeks ago Paul skates was living the life of a playboy addicted to pampering and posh members bars he was 37 grand in debt and heading for financial meltdown since then Jay has made him realize it's possible to be sophisticated on a budget for vintage visit have cost you around 23 quid and given him the tools to seek the success he's longed for you can't go into a high risk business with a debt meanwhile psychological coach Benjamin Frye has helped him overcome his fears of his mother's illness and finally take control of his finances you have 250 pounds to spend solely on yourself thank you very much he's now facing up to the future and his responsibilities not only to himself but to those closest to him there's just one hurdle left to overcome it's Jay's final challenge she's asked him to host a night for potential investors using the 400 pounds he would normally have spent on a night out schmoozing for Paul it's the ultimate test can he used the skills he's been taught to put his partying days behind him and enter a more productive future it's extremely nervous about San I think we've gone from doing a drinks party for about 10 people to I think about 100 we've got coming tonight so nerves and running wild everywhere even with ten minutes till the first guests arrive Paul's nerves Kiki okay it's half a seventh just gone it's a little bit panic stages are they all going to turn up over that stage where I'm getting a bit peeved with people and trying to rush people long to get things moving quicker we have them can you get it out [Music] and anxious 20 minutes later there's some good news and familiar faces mum and dad he's wooing his guests with the English years and following Hugh's advice is taking time to talk good evening zenman thank you for coming along I brought bit local business people together to show you showcase some of our ideas and concepts it's time to get the party started [Music] with the fizz flowing and an impressive lineup of entertainment rules night out on a budget is a smash hit [Music] four weeks ago Paul would have been propping up the bar in a swanky London club spending hundreds on champagne tonight he's pulled off an event that should boost his career it's done really well and worked really hard and I think to do this in two three days it's just the end of of a long journey well tonight's been exhausting it's been celebrating at times it's been frustrating but it's gone well and they all in all there's been a lot of promising conversations with potential backers who have actually shown interest and that would like to set up meet things that I can kind of actually have a more intimate one-to-one with them and kind of go through a bit more of my ideas and where I want to the next step to move forward for myself it's nearly two months since Paul skates embarked on his financial makeover now Benjamin and Jay are back to see how he's fared so Paul how's it been it's been a bit of a roller coaster relief from start to finish a hellish at times especially in cold turkey just because my brain is quite active so actually sitting watching TV more than an hour I was kind of god eating to do something and normally I'd go in and do st. social all that but it allows me I just kind of either clean you're doing some work and just from that kind of thing but it was quite a culture shock for me for that week and how was your champagne soiree it was that a success yeah no II went for normally well had and had potential backers now for future stuff which is great the positive feedback I've had is I'm really good and hopefully its potential backers now it's just really exhilarating in a way just to be able to come out and be completely independent all that money that was going on the pampering how are you coping cutting down on that surprisingly well actually and I realized that a lot of it was just it wasn't necessity it was just pure indulgent it's been really interesting because you have really changed throughout this and you have obviously really taken it on board and I think you've sort of surprised yourself with that because I've said to a couple my friends it's God I've really changed and I said I know it sounds really bizarre in such a short space of time not my personalities change just the way you look at things you don't necessarily need to be socializing in these private venues to not meet the right influential people within your soar career sector you can actually do it another I just want you to notice that it may seem to you like they're small changes here and there but you are a hundred percent reversed in your attitude to talking about difficult things with your parents and then you were when I met you yeah and you're also a hundred percent reversed in the way that the money is flowing between you in them and I do think the two are very strongly correlated it's quite nice to get to turn it round and not actually have to kind of rely on them providing for me actually I can find myself and kind of treat them occasionally as they've always done for me so do you know feel more in control of your money definitely more in control because before as I said I never really took control of it because it was just too easy to ignore it fantastic you surprised yourself I think I think I'm a parent sleep buddy I'm gonna pass out every time they hear me speak yeah I could be your new best friend see my financial burden was the last the last head of media and so I feel like I've never been able to put that to one side put it on the shelf and get over it so now makes me very excited about my future and also my quick

Channel: Only Human

Views: 50,809

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Id: -QpmM4h3GuA

Length: 56min 2sec (3362 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 29 2020