IELTS Live - Task 2 Finish - Completing a Band 9 Essay

hi students and welcome to today's live ielts class my name is adrian and i'm streaming to you from beautiful victoria here on the west coast of canada i hope everybody has had a wonderful week and is looking forward to a fantastic weekend in this class we are looking at ielts writing task 2 and we are completing a band 9 essay welcome gineal this is a members chat class everybody of course is welcome to watch to become a member of our channel simply click the join button next to the subscribe button if you don't see that button and if you have questions about ielts or our products send me an email to adrian aehelp.com and i will help you further in this class everyone we are again looking at ielts writing task 2 to complete a band 9 essay and we while we wait for some more of our members to join in this lesson is presented to you by ae help dot com for academic ielts success and help with academic writing check us out there for the general ielts visit us at g-i-e-l-t-s com that's general ieltshelp.com on both of those websites we have lots and lots of information to help you improve your communication and your english for your next ielts exam hi mohit hiya tharwa hi patal hi bakrat good to see all of you uh this is our academic ielts website here at aehelp.com simply click this big red button to join our premium package it's a one-time payment for lifetime access and certainly there's lots of help there for you general ielts looks like this it's the same layout green background click this big red button to join us there we are an official british council isles test registration center and certified agents so you are in excellent hands with us good morning june in alberta our neighboring province good to have you in the class so again everyone uh this sunday day after tomorrow we are premiering uh my ielts band nine journey episode four that's right i took the ielts exam in budapest hungary um at the start of this year and we filmed that and we are bringing that to you as a five-part series uh this sunday will be my test results so if you're curious what i got on my ielts exam check that out on sunday hiroshika if you'd like to get our apps get our apps from your google play apple app store academic ielts help and general ielts help link the apps to the websites hi harwinder good to have more students joining in as we get going here so we've got this task two class we've got listening section part three part four for everybody after where everybody can join the chat and then members uh tomorrow we will have a question and answer session so make sure to get your ielts questions ready for tomorrow and we'll do a speaking part two all right just a quick review yesterday we started this task 2 writing essay we spent the class on planning getting some good ideas coming up with a good thesis statement this was the task to writing you should spend about 40 minutes on this task some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians others believe that artists should be funded by alternative sources discuss both views and give your own opinion and now we discussed this and one really important tip i gave you yesterday was to think about the real world so how does it work in the real world artists musicians painters are they supported by the government are they supported by private organizations or individuals or are they supported by both and then of course after a bit of thinking we realize that yeah both governments and individuals support artists such as painters and musicians so why is that what's the logic we came up with some great ideas and then we came up with our thesis statement so this was my original thesis statement from yesterday welcome chaby khalil good to have you back in our group of members i believe that both the government and private sector should support artists such as musicians and painters as they both benefit the former through culture and the latter through profit so we basically said that while governments when they support painters and artists they build the culture of society right because art is a key element of creating culture preserving history and culture and then um of course uh with private organizations and individuals they profit from supporting such individuals through potential business through marketing brand recognition and so forth okay so uh the homework was to write your introductory paragraph okay in the introductory paragraph according to standard english literature okay not according to me not according to some other ielts teacher or such but according to standard english literature it is made up of a hook a hook is a statement that catches your reader's attention it has a background so it introduces the definition of what you're discussing and the importance of it so why is it important what's the logic there and then the thesis your argument that is an introduction okay it's not just paraphrase the question okay paraphrasing the question is a really basic type of background where you define the question or the the topic that's why some ielts classes or teachers say oh for the introduction just paraphrase the question and then say this essay will discuss that's a very very basic type of background and thesis considered grade 9 grade 10 level introduction in an english-speaking country school system but of course to get that high band so to get band-aid band 9 you need at least a grade 12 college level introduction so you have to be a little bit more detailed you have to be a little bit more clever this is my introduction here okay and i'm going to read mine but also members those of you who did your homework please put the hook the background um and the thesis so your introduction into the chat i would love to read some of your introductory uh paragraphs and paragraph elements and then i'll give you feedback uh on what you've done well and maybe what you need to improve on okay all right um so i'll read mine and then i see jun you have yours up there which is great i'll look at that in just a moment so here's mine uh sponsoring aspiring artists is an age old practice that's my hook look how simple it is it's one two three four five six seven words okay um here i'm basically telling my reader that giving money to help artists is something society and people have done for arguably hundreds and hundreds of years if not thousands so sponsoring aspiring artists is an age-old practice we've been doing this for a long time okay and then here's my background by providing an allowance for living study and presentation musicians and painters can dedicate their time and energy to mastering their art so this is um my background and importance all in one sentence okay so i'm basically saying giving money for these purposes lets these individuals express their talents at a high level okay now i adjusted my thesis a little bit so that it's sensible i believe that both the government and private sector should support such artists as societies and organizations benefit greatly from art expression the former through culture and the latter through profit okay so here's my full paragraph together and notice that it's not very long okay so it's nice and short this introduction but it's very much to the point okay so sponsoring aspiring artists is an age-old practice by providing an allowance for living study and presentation musicians and painters can dedicate their time and energy to mastering their art i believe that both the government and private sector should support such artists as societies and organizations benefit greatly from art expression the former through culture and the latter through profit all right so that's my introductory paragraph um and we're going to use this to now create the rest of the essay body paragraph one body paragraph two and the conclusion let's take a look at what some of our members have done okay so june writes thousands of years artists have played a vital role in driving cultural revolutions and economic developments background most times it is difficult for creative artists such as calligraphers painters composers and pianists to make a fortune at the beginning of their career however they need funding for not only leading their lives but also displaying their artwork in different ways okay june really nice very detailed instead of however june it should be there for because you're not actually expressing opposition you're expressing cause and effect okay so um think about it this way june uh because painters composers pianists have difficulty uh making money at the beginning of their career they need support so it's a because it's not a nevertheless or however okay you have to be careful with those connective words if you have the wrong type in this case you do that does kind of create coherence mistakes or problems so it will hurt your mark okay in my opinion both national authorities and private corporations ought to provide monetary assistance to artists because of the significant contributions of their creativity enriching culture for society and increasing profits for companies very nice okay so nice thesis statement yeah okay nick hill says financial assistance for artists these days plays an important role for their survival good i like it nick hill yeah i can see that background the experts in art such as painters and musicians need monetary support to cover their living expenses as well as well as other necessities so that they can invest their time and energy for expressing their great talent very good certain individuals ascertain that national authorities ought to be financing them opponents however think that they should be supported by other organizations in my opinion authorities and private organizations ought to be supporting creative artists that benefit both government by creating culture and private sectors by promoting their products very good nick hill so nick hill you have really good writing there i think you have very nice grammatical structure this is both to june and nick hill one element you want to really start working on now that you have the right ideas and the right expression is to be concise okay so once you reach a good level of writing in english meaning that you have good vocabulary good grammar and you're basically up at that high band seven band eight level in the ielts uh what you want to do is you want to start mastering what's called concise writing or concise expression okay so this is an important tip for the upper intermediate students who are looking to improve their writing further okay so once you have mastered good vocabulary information structure and grammar you want to work hard on creating concise writing meaning you want to state your ideas in as short and a simple way as possible without omitting important information or losing literary style and that's challenging okay that's kind of like the final stage of an author's development and this is something that even the greatest authors work on till their very last breath is to be able to express their thoughts in short ways that don't lose the feeling of their expression um so they retain the quality of their writing but they can be even faster and more impactful for a greater audience so that's what you want to work on okay um when i wrote my uh introductory paragraph yesterday at first it was quite long okay and then i reviewed it a couple of times so that i was able to basically shorten it up and make it more concise so i'm working on this skill all the time also okay all right welcome to our group of members send me an email when you get the chance okay all right uh rashika financial support plays a major role in the emergence of fine artists rashika that is a beautiful hook i love the use of that phrase emergence of fine artists it is necessary to monetarily assist artists to create confidence in their work by allowing them to concentrate on improving their talents instead of wasting time and energy to make money for daily needs okay rashika that's a good start i made a few grammatical corrections there hi cartini harwinder says monetary assistance is a necessary part for the growth of an artist's career certain people think that governments should be the one to aid them in finance however i believe that both the government and private sector can make contributions to support artists such as musicians and painters so that they can best benefit from entities her wind are not bad you want to have a direct thesis okay students in the ielts it's definitely better to have a direct thesis than a non-direct thesis they tend to always score higher okay all right um so now let's get into writing our body paragraphs so body paragraph okay and specifically here body paragraph one of course is made up of a few components so the first is the topic sentence and the topic sentence is simply a deeper definition of your first key point from your thesis okay so in this case um basically i state that okay i'm going to discuss both sides and i agree that both sides or i believe that both sides both governments and private sectors should support artists and why the reason why first is because first of all governments benefit um from artists through building the culture and history of society okay now history is a part of culture of course that's why i didn't go into that detail in the thesis so what i want to do is i want to write a topic sentence that basically tells my reader in some other way that hey governments should be responsible for funding artists growth and development and careers because it's beneficial to them okay so let's put that into a topic sentence let's think about a way to express that again to our reader so that we emphasize it and also give our reader another chance to kind of understand that in a clearer way from my perspective so from the perspective of the author okay all right so let's do that write a topic sentence i'll do the same and then we'll move on to the other elements of uh the um body paragraph okay all right so all right um there is my topic sentence which i feel is a bit of a deeper definition of what i mean by culture being driven by artists or being created by artists and therefore it's society's responsibility to support uh such art okay um so here instead of saying government i basically say societies why because well logically governments represent society government is the controlling element of society right so most societies define at first i wrote a tribute and then i realized that it's better to use the word define it's a more accurate term here so most societies define their culture through their music dance paintings and literature we which are created by artists through the centuries and therefore it is the responsibility of society to give support for such creativity okay now i'm not just suddenly making this up and this is where sometimes viewers are like well adrian but how do you come up with that so quickly or in the 40 minutes during that intense pressure of the ielts exam simple answer planning right so when we did our planning yesterday we talked about this and we visualized this right so the importance of art music uh paintings from the perspective of the government okay uh bakrat writes the supplies of monetary fund assists to pay mortgage show activities and better life so they can invest their time to perform their work towards art bakrat i think that's still part of your introduction right now bhakra a very important point don't use the word will okay avoid using the word will in your writing usually especially in academic writing the tense is more present tense because we want our message to be true generally speaking so as you know from your grammar studies when you use the present tense it shows a general truth when you use will it means something in the future that is not now okay so ideally in a perfect situation your argument is not just for the future but it's true now it's true in the past it's true in the future so we use the present tense which is a general truth does that make sense students that's a very important point and a lot of ielts candidates make this mistake of using the future tense okay so let me make that note for you really quickly okay so i'm going to say important here okay and in university um this will definitely uh be emphasized by your teachers so in writing especially academic and professional writing okay you should focus on using the present tense as it uh gives a general truth which applies to the past present and future okay so avoid using the future participle will as this means that your argument applies to the future but not so much the present okay and that's why we avoid it because people often um don't care about the future or don't care about the past as much so they'll be like oh it will happen oh who cares then so if we keep using um fossil fuels the same way that we have been for the last 150 years the environment will suffer um oh okay who cares let's just keep driving our cars no um fossil fuels are damaging the environment the environment is suffering from the last 150 years of false oh goodness it's suffering now the planet's dying i got to stop okay humans often do not react to the pressures of the future they react to the pressures of the present okay it's in our nature unfortunately um all right so uh june uh rashika some nice topic sentences there i'm going on to the explanation so that we can move along in the essay i will read more um sentences that you're presenting i'm just moving along here so do keep writing okay after the topic sentence comes the explanation all right the explanation is going into more detail about um the question and going into quantitative visible measurable ideas that make it easier for your reader to understand and agree with your argument okay so think real world uh explanations or definitions uh think quantitative information okay so this is where your reader kind of says okay i got you but what do you mean by that like what do you mean um that it's society's responsibility uh to give support uh for artists okay so how does that work okay um let's define that more all right okay well let me do that and then um you do the same and will compare all right so all right um so there's my explanation again this is where you can spend more and more time make it better and better use your planning okay so here's what i what i wrote so since it is difficult for artists to make money directly through their efforts taxpayers should dedicate a certain amount of budget okay and here if i want to reiterate the topic word i can say government budget to make sure that artists can capture the pop culture historical events and language of their society pop culture means popular culture of their society or even of their society if i'm rereading this of their era okay so in the time that they live in their visual and auditory recordings and reflections okay so basically meaning their paintings and their music in this case so i'm just paraphrasing uh further all right okay uh let's see what some of you have so uh jay neil writes uh by national authorities supporting artists to create a society that provides more culture and values through fine art okay bakrat writes the numerous cultural activities as music paintings and sculptures build an artist to society therefore it is the responsibility of associations to reinforce for such work bachrat um you have some problems with grammar and word choice so you need to rethink that okay it reads like you're translating from your own language and that's not good you don't want to be directly translating nick hill writes the creativity of experts in arts such as paintings music and various sculptures defines the importance of society therefore governments are governments should be responsible for assisting the creation of aesthetics or aesthetic arts nikhil it sounds like you're kind of repeating your introduction a little bit here okay uh harvinder writes as societies are descendants of that culture it is important to preserve it by aiding artists who capture society's history through paintings and music so harvwinder i think that's a good start importantly you need to finish that idea that's one of the very common mistakes that i see in students writing is they don't finish their ideas in their writing okay all right now uh comes an example all right now think of a real world example okay so um think of uh some examples where governments support artists musicians painters um in order to preserve and build culture in society i'd like you to think of one before i write some up here for my body paragraph what are some examples so where can we see in society and here this is where i'm encouraging you to have that critical thinking because this kind of example so thinking of this idea helps you to boost your essay and your band score of course um so where in society do we see governments assisting artists and musicians to express the culture of society the history of society so where do we see that okay where do you see government support i know in canada in hungary and some european countries that i visited in japan where i visited before some asian countries i have some really clear ideas of where i've seen governments support artists let's see if you come up with some of those same ideas so where where can we see government support um for artists in society there are definitely some places and i'm guessing it's internationally true okay all right so where do we see that okay we definitely definitely see it okay and i'm sure that you'll be able to think of some andre um looks like you're curious about something i'm not sure what you're curious about i don't see your question in the chat it looks like you're kind of pondering on something do you want to express what that is what you're what you're kind of pondering on or what you're curious about okay while i wait for some uh okay so nick hill says we see government support for museums and exhibitions we sure do nick hill i agree that's one that comes to my mind so um the national museum of uh british columbia or actually it's the british columbia provincial museum here at no it's the national national museum june says government helps painters to hold impressive art exhibition festivals in the vancouver art gallery that's right yeah the vancouver art gallery june is uh strongly supported by government funds absolutely so that's one yeah yeah and uh artists who display their works in these galleries and museums definitely make some money for sure okay there are some other places as well i'm sure okay where we can think about it so art galleries and museums are kind of places where the government is supporting artists who have reached a certain level in their talent think about the other end of that spectrum as well where artists get support aspiring artists or artists that are maybe not yet famous bahrain says artists are part of society it can be possible to pay them for their hard work directly through government revenue taxpayers can enroll to help them okay jyoti says public places like temples museums um sure okay andre very good in school yeah so schools art schools also get government funding so universities that have art programs around the world get government funding as well definitely okay so that's going to be my example so um as in many parts of the world um the government of british columbia and canada let's make it simple uh supports um aspiring artists early in their careers by giving funding to art schools such as emily carr in vancouver as well as providing support for developed artists such as funding the vancouver art gallery so if you think of um [Music] like a big university or school uh that has an art program in your locality and you think of a museum boom you've thought of two great examples of where government funds are used to help support artists who want to pursue a career in music in painting and so on and definitely as june june is over in vanc or in alberta but uh and we could talk about the calgary school of ballet i believe for dancers it's very famous um these uh these organizations these art entities they get lots of government funding so and i'm sure in india and in other uh parts of the world uh you have that as well so i'm sure there are for instance school of dance and music in india that get government funding right i'm i really hope so anyway okay so as in many uh parts of the world the government of canada supports aspiring artists early in their careers by giving funding to art schools art schools should be small a small s as it's just a common noun art schools such as emily carr in vancouver it's a very famous art school as well as providing support for developed artists such as funding the vancouver art gallery okay very clear real world very impactful example to drive home this point of building culture okay and we can add that right so in aims of preserving and building uh culture okay and now i don't even really need so at this point i would feel that i don't need a connecting concluding sentence because this part here would actually be my concluding connecting sentence in aims of preserving and building culture all right but if i really want to i can add one more sentence and i could say this is a half of this is a part of the reality or this is a part of the truth um and uh individuals are also benefiting i probably wouldn't add that at this point i would just start into my body paragraph two okay would have better flow right all right danielle writes i have recently read an article in times canada that every month the liberal party supports each artist by a thousand dollar paycheck to fulfill their survival needs so that canada has a lot of artists in various fields such as painters dancers and musicians um yeah daniel i don't think that's quite true but the truth isn't important in ielts so as long as you come up with a good example fine that makes sense and i like how you use that direct first person uh example okay so all right okay good so here we have our body paragraph now i want to review this before i continue on to my body paragraph two so in the actual ielts ideally what you're doing is after you finish a body paragraph you review it you make revisions as needed so check for spelling grammar information mistakes okay so most societies define their culture through their music dance paintings and literature which are created by artists through the centuries and therefore it is the responsibility of society to give support for such creativity since it is difficult for artists to make money directly through their efforts taxpayers should dedicate a certain amount of government budget to make sure that artists can capture the pop culture historical events and language of their era in their visual and auditory recordings and reflections as in many parts of the world the government of canada supports aspiring artists early in their careers by giving funding to art schools such as emily carr in vancouver as well as providing support for developed artists such as funding the vancouver art gallery in aims of preserving and building local culture okay all right so i'm i'm happy with that and now what i can do is continue on with body paragraph two and body paragraph two is going to have the same structure so topic sentence explanation and example okay now i'm going to use the leading expression in addition not furthermore because here i'm adding information right so it's like one plus one okay governments should support artists one plus corporations and individuals should support artists plus one okay it's not more important so it's not furthermore it's just simply in addition okay okay so here's my topic sentence in addition the efforts of artists have also played a key role in the success and entertainment of individuals and organizations excuse me so they too ought to ensure the financial prosperity of musicians painters and the like and the like here means dancers and other people who are artists as well okay explanations so the works of artists are often used in shows and exhibitions that advertise company brands and help organizations gain fame and fortune uh in their communities okay um so here is the explanation um therefore it is only fair that these companies reward the contributions of artists okay and uh of course one very common place uh where we can see this is for instance in the movie industry right so uh movies generate billions of dollars and movies are of course uh in large part um a product of artists visual artists musicians so clearly these companies should support artists throughout their careers so that they can continue to profit okay so i can clearly see this mutual benefit in the movie industry where billions of dollars are generated annually for companies like paramount warner brothers and sony pictures okay by the efforts of musicians actors and artists so it only makes sense that they too support their art in turn okay all right um so there is my paragraph okay um andre got talent sorry i think andre you mean like uh america's got talent or something like talent shows that would make sense too so here's my paragraph now i want to review it in addition the efforts of artists have also played a key role in the success and entertainment of individuals and organizations so they too ought to ensure the financial prosperity of musicians painters and the like the works of artists are often used in shows and exhibitions that advertise company brands and help organizations gain fame and fortune in their communities therefore it is only fair that these companies reward the contributions of artists i can clearly see this mutual benefit in the movie industry where billions of dollars are generated annually for companies like paramount warner brothers and sony pictures by the efforts of musicians actors and artists so it only makes sense that they too support their art in turn okay and i did mean painters okay all right um so that those are my two body paragraphs i feel confident that i have now uh given a good argument of why governments and other sources should support artists such as musicians and painters and now i can conclude uh what i am saying yeah so those talent shows for sure andre that would be a good example as well again don't so make sure andre that when you choose an example it's an example that's easy for everybody to relate to and it's easy for you to write so if you write an example about talent shows i think that's okay but i think just generally labeling the movie industry here would be maybe a little bit simpler okay uh rashika writes in my country government conducts art exhibitions annually to support artists such as musicians uh painters to help popularize their creations or their creativity innovations is more for scientists rashika it's more for like inventions rather than art for artists more creations um rashika just instead of saying in my country the government conducts art exhibitions name your country okay so name the country and name the art exhibition so say you know in my country whatever your country is the government conducts the annual art exhibition of something expo so be more specific the more specific the better your lexical resource mark and the better your coherence because your reader is more impacted they're more able to visualize what you're referring to okay all right so then comes the conclusion now the conclusion has three parts okay uh the conclusion uh restates your main points um it emphasizes your argument and it gives the take home message for your reader so let me write that up i'm running out of time a little bit so i'll write this up for you nice and smoothly so you can see the finished essay as well and keep going go ahead members keep writing okay so in conclusion both okay so there is my conclusion okay and again i wrote up this conclusion in just two minutes so i would want to revise review this make it more concise but here we go um in conclusion both national authorities and the private sector have a responsibility to nurture and promote artists nurture means to take care of and to promote artists the clear reason for this is that both of these entities have much to gain from the expressions of musicians and painters as these artists are fundamental to their long-term success and identity ultimately financial support for artists from governments and organizations is a wise investment for the prosperity of all parties involved okay which basically means that by giving money to these artists uh we're helping the artists live uh and survive and have a good quality of life but in turn the society and government and of course these organizations also have a good quality of life okay all right so uh that's all the time i have for today now in a perf in the perfect world uh you would actually have a minute or two to read through the whole essay one more time take out any redundancies make sure you have a good flow okay um andre some nice writing there at the end uh this is the whole essay i will post this on our youtube community board and i encourage you to practice and keep revising keep reviewing go back rewrite the same essay over and over again don't just keep writing newer and newer essays each time it's a really good idea to go back revisit old essays think about how you can make them better how you can write them better okay so read review revise rewrite that's a very standard practice in uh improving your writing skills all right you're very very welcome andre excellent work rashika bakra really nice contributions june thank you for posting this question for everyone i appreciate that if you have some task two questions that you're curious about members on how to write an essay for them send them to me okay we can use them in the class i'm adrienne i'm signing out for now again you can get lots more help for your ielts writing as well as other parts of the ielts exam join our premium package at ae help dot com general ielts giles help dot com i will be back in 30 minutes with listening section listening for parts 3 part 4 continuation from yesterday so hopefully i will see you back for that in half an hour i'm adrian signing out from victoria for now bye you you

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Keywords: IELTS, Task 2, writing, essay, paragraphs, sentences, vocabulary, introduction paragraph, band 9, body paragraphs, conclusion, IELTS description, English examination, writing IELTS, writing for task two, second part of writing, writing strategies, IELTS task 2, Lesson, Teacher, Learn, Student, Lessons, Learning, Free, Intro, Tutorial, IELTS task 2 explain, IELTS task 2 learning, IELTS task 2 explanations, plan, planning, understand, skills, strategies, task 2 ielts writing general

Id: BZI_7Jdf9SA

Length: 58min 42sec (3522 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 17 2021